


Symphonic Hearts

by Forgotten_Star



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Orchestra, Anxious Bokuto Koutarou, DJ Kenma, Kenma plays really good EDM, Light Angst, M/M, Musician Akaashi Keiji, Oikawa Plays for Japan, Orchestra, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Smut, So does Kuro and Kageyama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 179,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26602687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forgotten_Star/pseuds/Forgotten_Star
Summary: Soft notes of a piano were coming down the hall. Bokuto didn’t know anything about music, the little he knew was from when he played drums in primary school for a year and didn’t think what he did really constituted as ‘music’. But even he could tell that this was beautiful.------AU where Akaashi is the lead pianist for the National Symphony Orchestra and Bokuto is an anxious pro volleyball player that falls in love with him.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 1053
Kudos: 866
Collections: BokuAka Fics, maazeesfavs





	1. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto gets lost on his way to dinner, but what he finds on the way may make up for it.

Bokuto was lost. He looked at the buildings around him and tried to find one of the landmarks Kuro had drawn on the piece of paper he was holding.

_Is that the Keizer building? Wait, no maybe that’s the building he said that if you see then you’ve gone too far._

He was never trusting Kuro with directions again. He should’ve known honestly. After knowing Kuro since they were kids you would think Bokuto would have learned by now that Kuro can be more scattered brained than he is. 

“Why can’t we just go to the restaurant together after practice?” Bokuto had whined while they got ready for drills. 

Kuro closed his locker. “Because I need to go pick Kenma up first. You know if I don’t get him then he won’t come”

“And if I have to go by myself, then _I_ won’t come!”

“Come on dude, you’ll be fine. I’ll write down the directions?”

Bokuto just kept pouting at him. 

“Drinks on me?”

Bokuto waved his hand, telling him to go on.

Sighing, Kuro gritted out, “And I’ll do the dishes for a month.”

“Deal!” Bokuto exclaimed. His mood instantly lifted. If there’s one thing he hates more than going places by himself, it’s doing dishes. While he may love to cook, the aftermath was something he dreaded so much that he often avoided it all together, opting to get carry out or annoy Kuro to the point where he would just make dinner for the both of them. 

They made their way out of the locker room and onto the court for practice. Hinata was already jumping up and down, way too excited for what would be a long practice. 

“Oi, stop jumping before properly stretching, Hinata!” Iwaizumi yelled from his spot next to coach. “You hurt yourself before next week’s game and you won’t have to worry about Kageyama’s wrath because I’ll kill you myself!”

Kageyama unfurled from his stretch to turn and glare at Hinata, daring him to injure himself.

Hinata hid behind Bokuto. “Yes, sir!”

Bokuto peeled him off, “Don’t make him angry, Hinata. He won’t come out tonight if he is, then who will we have to keep Oikawa out of trouble?”

Everyone wanted to have a few drinks at dinner and relax tonight. That wouldn’t happen if they had to babysit Oikawa all night to prevent him from drinking too much too fast. 

Hinata’s eyes widened before he scrunched his face in determination and fell in line for warmups. 

Coach blew the whistle. “Alright, let’s get started you pansies. Don’t even think about your weekend plans until you finish 10 laps of diving drills.”

Everyone groaned. 

“Get ready to spend a fortune on my drinks tonight, Kuro.”

Kuro didn’t have time to grimace before the second starting whistle blew. 

————————————

Now Bokuto was regretting acting cocky because he wouldn’t be getting _any_ drinks tonight if he couldn’t even _find_ the restaurant. 

He finally gave up trying to read the hastily drawn map and pulled out his phone. He was only halfway through typing in the address before it died. 

“Please, no,” he begged. He felt his heart start to pick up. His hand tightened on the phone as if willing his body heat to charge the phone. “Seriously, God don’t do this to me."

For all the confidence Bokuto has on the court, he fails to be able to be by himself for long periods of time. His mind constantly racing with improbable possibilities and critiques as to just how incapable he is when left to his own devices. 

His breathing had started to pick up as he looked around the city. He hadn’t been to this part of Tokyo before. The only reason the team was even coming here was because Kuro had recommended it after he and Kenma went there for their date night. Kenma apparently goes there a lot. 

If the tall skyscrapers weren’t enough to block the sky out, then the looming dark rain clouds did the trick. A rain drop hit Bokuto’s cheek. At first, he had to confirm he hadn’t started crying. He didn’t allow himself to cry in front of others. No one needed to break the image they had of him. But then another one hit his nose. And then his forehead. And before he knew it, a steady stream of rain started falling. 

“Shit. Seriously?!” He ran across the street and stayed under an awning. “I should’ve made him do dishes for two months,” he grumbled. 

The glass door to his left opened as an older gentlemen carrying a violin case exited the building. He paused when he saw the rain and placed his case on the ground, pulling out his umbrella in the process. He looked over and saw the soaked Bokuto. 

He gave a warm smile. “I learned at a young age to always check the weather before leaving the house.”

Bokuto grinned. “Guess I’ll have to pick that habit up,” a small chuckle escaping his lips. 

“You’re more than welcome to head inside there to dry off a bit,” he said, motioning to the building behind him, “Looks like the rain will blow over quickly. No one will kick you out.”

Bokuto thought it over. He was already pushing the time he was supposed to be at the restaurant but he figured it was better to be a little late and dry, than on time and pissed that he was soaked. 

“Thanks,” Bokuto held the door for the man as he bent to get his violin, “And thanks for the sound advice.”

The man grinned, “Have a nice evening!”

“You as well!”

He headed inside. It was a fairly large lobby. The white floor tiles creating a very modern look with the white plaster walls and white granite desk where a guard sat. But the walls looked like they needed a polishing. It was easy to tell that while the floor was new, the walls hadn’t been painted in some time. It was as if the walls had been last on their to-do list before they ran out of funds. 

He didn’t want to intrude. Years of his mother hounding him to be courteous to hosts had him frozen at the door, too nervous to sit on the soft gray couches on the western wall. 

“Wow, it really is pouring isn’t it,” the guard said after seeing Bokuto in the door. A glance at Bokuto’s stance answered his unspoken question of whether he was there to meet someone. “Feel free to take a seat wherever while you wait it out.” The drenched boy's hesitation had him adding on, “The couches are water proof. Don’t worry about ruining them.”

That little statement was enough to ease the concern in Bokuto’s mind that he was going to mess everything up in this unaccustomed place. He slowly made his way to the couch and as gingerly as possible, sat down. It wasn’t the most comfortable couch but it was better than standing outside in the rain. 

He pulled out his phone to kill the time before remembering it was dead. He panicked again. _What if Kuro tried to call him? What if his sister was in an accident and they couldn’t reach him? What if that game he was waiting for finally came in??_

He clutched at his chest, trying to give it some sort of steadiness to ease the blood pumping in his head. 

But then his head started to hear something else. It melted its way in through the mess of his thoughts, just soft enough for Bokuto to be able to focus on that rather than the improbable. 

Soft notes of a piano were coming down the hall that continued pass the guard's desk. Bokuto didn’t know anything about music, the little he knew was from when he played drums in primary school for a year and didn’t think what he did really constituted as ‘music’. But even he could tell that this was beautiful. 

The crescendo and decrescendo happened so effortlessly as the musician played on that it had the man enraptured. His ears pricked at every soft high note that was dinged. He could almost feel the love and emotion of the piece, yet at the same time, such sorrow. It took someone incredibly skilled to be able to make someone as uncultured as Bokuto to be so effected. 

He didn’t realize he had been staring in the direction the music was coming down the hallway until his eyes focused in on a slender man talking with a woman. They seemed to be the same age, but the man’s hand were waving frantically, his silver hair swishing around as his head bobbed with every flick of his hand. 

“Suga-san, you have to calm down, we’ll find someone to replace Asahi.”

The man, Suga-san, did his best to keep his voice down as to not disturb anyone, but it was still slightly raised as he responded, “The benefit is tonight, Kiyoko, everyone else is probably booked! I can’t play Beethoven’s 'C Major Duet' by myself!”

Kiyoko thought a moment, you could easily see her mind racing to find a solution as she looked at the large black, leather-bound book in her hand. Her hand froze halfway down the page before looking back at Suga. 

“Well....there is one option,” she said. 

“Who?”

She slowly glanced at the door a few feet down from them, Bokuto could only assume this is where the music was coming from. 

Suga looked at the door and immediately half yelled, half whispered, “Absolutely not, Akaashi hasn’t had a break in months! This is his one night to relax.”

“I’m afraid this is our only option,” Kiyoko reasoned, “Everyone else is either booked or don’t have the skills to cold read the cello music like he can.”

Suga looked sadly at the door. Even Bokuto felt bad for whoever this Akaashi character was. With his busy volleyball schedule, Bokuto knows how needed a rest is every now and then. 

The silver haired man finally responded, “Unfortunately, I don’t have any other choice.” He sighed. “Might as well break his heart now.”

He trudged over to the door but didn’t knock. He waited for so long that Bokuto worried that he was having a medical issue. But he finally heard the piano slowing down in speed and the final notes softly ringing out. Suga knocked on the door. 

_He was waiting for the piece to finish. Hm, must be a musical courtesy._

Suga was half way in the door, a quick mumble was all that was heard before he was walking back to Kiyoko with a dark haired man. 

Even from where Bokuto sat at the wall, he could see the man’s piercing blue eyes. They grabbed Bokuto’s attention almost as much as the music the man was playing moments before. 

The man, Akaashi he assumed, glanced up and they made brief eye contact before he turned to the two people waiting for him. The split second was all Bokuto needed to crave more. The depths of the man’s eyes held so much to them. Where Bokuto's emotions were usually shown all across his face, this man’s eyes were all that were needed for him to convey his message. 

It was mesmerizing. 

Kiyoko shyly pushes her glasses up before starting. “Akaashi-kun, I’m sorry to ask this but Asahi has a family emergency and won’t be able to make the benefit concert tonight. We need someone to fill his spot. I know that you were suppos-“

Akaashi didn’t have to hesitate before cutting in, “No worries. What time is it and what selections is it?”

Suga looked ready to cry. “Akaaashii, are you serious, you’re the greatest, I’m so sorry I took your night away, if I could play both instruments at the same time I would, you’re an absolute dream.”

He would’ve kept going if Akaashi didn’t finally respond with a very calm, “It’s fine Suga. I had just finished my rehearsal anyway. I don’t mind helping out.”

They talked briefly about the details before Kiyoko and Suga turned and walked back down the hallway. Akaashi went back inside the practice room, Bokuto’s heart dropping as he brought his head forward to sit on his hand resting on his knee. Akaashi exited a moment later with a bag strung over his shoulder. 

He chatted with the guard briefly, most likely about the weather because a second later the guard pointed at Bokuto. Akaashi turned and looked at him.

Bokuto could’ve sworn time froze and prayed as hard as he could to _please don’t sound stupid I’ll do whatever just pleaassee say actual words_ as he saw Akaashi walk over to him. 

“You know, my Sensei taught me to always check the weather before going out.”

Bokuto blinked. Is this what deja vu is? He took too long to reply because he saw Akaashi’s eyes squint. “You’re the second person to tell me that today.”

Akaashi’s lips turned up just slightly in a small smile. Bokuto's heart fluttered. “Short old man, dark skin, carrying a violin?” He questioned. 

Bokuto nodded. 

“Yes, that would be my Sensei.”

“He was very nice. Told me to wait inside for the rain to stop.” He thanked above for putting coherent words into his mouth. 

“So why are you still here?”

“Sorry?”

“The rain stopped. You didn’t have some place to be?” Akaashi jesters through the glass door.

He was right. The rain had stopped and you could just barely see spots of the sky as the clouds started dispersing. 

Bokuto's eyes widened. He was so caught up in his head and the music and Akaashi and the conversation and Akaashi that he didn’t even notice the reason why he was even inside this place didn’t exist anymore. 

“Oh. Huh. I...didn’t realize. I’m supposed to be meeting some friends for dinner but I got lost and before I knew it, it was raining and my phone died and yeah, uh, here I am.”

Akaashi stared at him, most likely trying to comprehend what he had said because he said it so quickly. He must’ve finally understood because he asked Bokuto what restaurant. 

“Blue cove?”

“Oh, yeah I definitely know that place. You’re not too far off. You just stay on this same street, take a right at the light and it’s the first place on the corner.”

Bokuto blinked. He was that close? “Uh, thanks. Sounds easy enough, hopefully I won’t mess it up,“ he laughed. 

“I would walk you there but unfortunately I have to get home to prepare for a concert.” Akaashi stared at him a second more, a contemplative look on his face before averting his eyes. “Have a nice dinner.”

“You too.” Bokuto stopped. “Uh I mean, not you _too_ , you’re not going to dinner but uh thanks for the directions and I meant have a nice night-“

Akaashi laughed. “I got it. See ya," he said, and walked out the door. 

Bokuto had never thanked the heavens for rain that much in his life. 

  
  


[Beethoven’s C Major Duet](https://youtu.be/KrSVhRI5RtM)

Akaashi’s Song

<https://youtu.be/pvF9bdt76Zs>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love this pairing so much. This story was inspired when I sat down to practice a song once and thought "huh, this is giving me major Akaashi vibes." And here we are.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	2. Tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto felt warm. He could feel the liquid fall down his throat and felt the burn in his chest. He was at a good level. Not nearly close to being plastered but just buzzed enough that he couldn’t feel or hear any anxiousness.

It had been two weeks since Bokuto had met Akaashi. He was late to the dinner but Kuro took one look at his face before his anger diminished and was pressing the stunned boy for details. 

Bokuto didn’t even know how to describe it. Was it an angel he met? How was anyone that beautiful? Is it normal to memorize the details of a complete stranger in less than ten minutes when it takes him ages to remember Oikawa’s setter plays?

All he remembers from that night is drinking enough to keep his mind off the perfect being that is Akaashi, and Kuro’s look of disdain as he paid his bill. 

That was two weeks ago. 

And Bokuto was dying. 

He kept trying to convince himself that there were errands he could run in that part of town but he couldn’t bring himself down to that level. 

So he focused on practice and the game that they had last weekend. But now, their next game wasn’t for another month. 

Iwaizumi had somehow convinced coach that the team deserved a break and it would be beneficial to the athlete’s muscles. The team inwardly thanked the athletic trainer once coach caved and gave them a week off practice. 

It was only Monday and Bokuto was already bored out of his mind. He woke up at the time he usually does for practice (a cool 5am) and couldn’t go back to sleep. So he went for a run and then to the gym hoping to kill some time. 

When he got back to his shared apartment with Kuro, he checked the clock. 

10am. 

He still had the whole day to go. 

The whole day to try and think about something other than the smooth timber of Akaashi’s voice.

He had dreamt that they were walking by the water holding hands, the sun reflecting off the water onto Akaashi’s face. He wore a huge smile on his faced as he laugh and called out Bokuto’s name.

But then it hit him that he never told him his name.

He had woken up quickly, _how could he have not introduced himself? Now how could he hope that Akaashi would find him? And isn’t it weird that Bokuto knows his name without Akaashi actually telling him?_

Luckily, Kuro was already up and was in the kitchen making breakfast, the smell of eggs bringing him back into reality as he tried to focus on _anything_ else.

Kenma was in the living room, his noise canceling headphones on and his laptop in front of him on the coffee table. Bokuto could make out the editing software Kenma used to edit his mix ups.

It surprised everyone when Kenma announced he was going to major in music production but shocked no one once they realized how good of a DJ he became because of how skilled he is with computers. 

Bokuto plopped down next to him and watched as the yellow and purple lines pulsed as the track went on.

Kenma glanced over. “You wanna listen? It’s the new track I’m working on for Friday.”

“Yeah!”

Kenma regularly DJ’d at one of their favorite nightclubs, but because of their schedules most of the time they couldn’t go. With practice off this week, Kuro demanded everyone goes the upcoming Friday to support him. 

The dance mix was right up Bokuto’s alley. The anticipation to the drop held out for the perfect amount before slamming into a beat. He was nodding his head along, about to compliment Kenma before a saxophone cut into the track. 

Bokuto’s eyebrows perked up. Kenma had been known to mix in raw instrumentals with his EDM mixes. A few trumpets and violins were in some of his previous ones but a saxophone was new. 

“Hey, hey, hey I’m all for this! You’re a genius, Kenma!”

“Oi, do I have to be worried about you stealing my boyfriend?” Kuro exclaimed from the kitchen. 

“Don’t worry Kuro, I only date guys with no sense of dignity.”

Kuro faked shocked, a hand coming up to his chest, “You wound me, baby,” he gasped. “But I love your dark sense of humor.” He went back to plating the eggs. 

Kenma whispered to Bokuto, “Who said I was kidding?”

Bokuto just grinned and handed the headphones back. “Say all you want but we both know you love him.”

He saw Kenma’s eyes soften and that was all the response needed. Bokuto has always been good at reading people. Maybe it was because he was always trying to make sure people felt included. He knew what it felt like to get left out so he went out of his way to make sure everyone was ok. Kenma was the hardest for him to get to open up but now the easiest to read as Bokuto learned his signs. 

“What time are you planning on getting there Friday?” Kenma asked. 

Kuro came over with the plates, setting one down in front of each of them. “Club opens at 8pm so probably 9:30pm, 10pm?”

Kenma nodded. “And you’re bringing the guys?”

“Yep, Hinata and Kageyama are apparently already busy but I got Atsumu, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa coming to support my little kitten.”

“Don’t lie, you all just like the discounted drinks you get.”

“That too,” Kuro laughed. 

“And you, Bokuto?”

Bokuto froze with his fork midway to his mouth, half of his food already stored in his cheeks. “Whaght?”

“Will you be bringing anyone?”

“Nmopo-“

“Swallow first, Bokuto.”

Bokuto gulped. “No! Who would I even bring! And clubs are the worst place to meet someone or go out to with them. You either get sleezebags who just wanna get in your pants or the weirdos who just want a clump of your hair.”

Kuro laughed. “Have to agree with you there.” He slapped a hand onto his friend’s shoulder, “You’re a strong, independent man who don’t need no man. We can have fun just drinking and dancing on our own.”

“You act like you’re single, Kuro.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault Kenma will be busy on stage, not even granting me a moments glance.”

Kenma took the empty plates to the sink. “Actually, I might get a little break at some point. One of my friends from college will be there. I figured I could convince him to handle the sound board for a song or two.”

“Kenmmaaaa, you do love me!”

“Who said I would hang out with you during the break?”

The rest of the day entailed Kuro jumping on Kenma until he finally gave in and they retreated to Kuro’s room. Bokuto had to put his headphones on blast to block out the moans.

———————————

The rest of the week went by slowly. 

While he didn’t really do much, Bokuto had to agree that taking a moment to just sit around and do nothing was actually needed. It took a day or two for him to not be anxious about spending the day in his pajamas, but after that he was fine to the point where he didn’t even want to go out Friday anymore. 

“Do I seriously have to?” he whined. Kuro was going through the others closet, trying to find clothes other than sweatpants for the boy to wear. “I don’t really feel like it anymore.”

Kuro finally landed on a dark pair of jeans and a black button down. He threw them on the bed.

“Yes. You do. You know you’re trying to talk yourself out of it but once you’re actually there you’ll be fine.”

Bokuto sighed. “It’s just a lot of energy and effort. I have to take a shower, and get dressed, and then we have to get there, and then what if I lose you in the crowd and I’m by myself.”

“Bro, you’re like 6’3’. If you get lost just pick your head up and look for us, you’ll be able to see over every one.”

He glanced at Bokuto’s face. 

“And it’s not like last time. You don’t have to worry about being stood up. We’re all going together.”

Bokuto winced. He didn’t want to admit that his hesitation also stemmed from his last relationship in which the guy, after months of dating and almost a year of talking before hand, told him to meet him at the club and then never showed up. Ghosted Bokuto after that. No explanation. 

Bokuto groaned, flopping backwards on his bed. “Fine. But only if we don’t stay too late.”

“Deal.”

They killed time for a bit playing video games, Kenma had left at around 6pm to get set up and do his checks. 

At around 8:30pm, the two boys started getting ready. Kuro blasted music through their speakers in the living room and grabbed two beers. He handed one to Bokuto before cracking his open and cheersing. 

They got through three beers each by the time they were done and were ready to go meet up with everyone at the club. 

There were some perks to being them. For one thing, they were all outgoing enough and pleasant enough that they never caused problems and became quick friends with the staff of the club. For being so boisterous, one would think they were the trouble makers. But they knew their limits and had fun while not causing any issues. 

The second was that they were on the _National_ Volleyballteam and were fairly famous enough that they had no problems securing a wide booth for all of them to drink at. 

But the best thing was that the bouncer loved them, because the very first time they came to the club they witnessed first-hand some thugs try to attack the poor bouncer and the boys didn’t hesitate to run up and help. A whole team of professional athletes against a few scrawny guys was nothing. The bouncer was grateful for them and their humility afterwards. 

“Yoooo, if it isn’t my favorite people,” Ukai called from behind the rope. 

They all waved from the back of the line. As much as they know that Ukai always lets them skip the line, they never assumed and always wait for him to initiate it. 

“Get your asses up here!” The blonde haired man called out. “You guys finally gonna hear Kenma?”

They were up front now, apologizing to the perturbed people waiting in line. Kuro answered, “I can’t let everyone else be more privy to my boyfriend’s music than me!”

Ukai laughed. “Well then maybe y’all should just give up the whole volleyball thing and work here!”

“You know we could never do that, then who would get you and Takeda-kun tickets to games?”

“Ah, you got me. Have fun guys!”

They all returned their thanks and headed inside. The club was already pretty packed at 9:45pm but it was to be assumed since it was one of the best clubs around. 

Bokuto and Iwaizumi headed over to the bar to get everyone’s drinks and order a few bottles while Oikawa, Atsumu, and Kuro found the table Kenma had reserved for them earlier. 

The ten or twelve booths in the club wrapped around the outer edge of the huge dance floor. There was a fair amount of space in between where the tables ended and the bar started, enough room for people to grab air on the outskirts without being too far away from getting another drink. It was fairly easy to get drinks even with the large crowd since the bar wrapped around the north, east and south sides of the building while the stage took up the west wall.

They said hi to Kei, their bartender of choice, before placing their orders. Kei had clicked easily with the group when on their first meeting he ragged on Kuro’s hair. The group instantly took a liking to him. 

The tall blonde said he’ll get someone to bring the drinks over so they headed back to the booth.

Kuro was spotted up on the side of the staging hugging Kenma. They spoke briefly before Kuro jumped off and headed over to the group. 

“Kenma said he should get a small break in an hour.”

“Aw, yay I’ve missed the little guy!” Oikawa hummed. 

“Since when were you two best friends?” Iwaizumi glared. 

“Ever since we bonded over our love for milk bread!”

Kuro cut in, “How are you not five hundred pounds with all the milk bread you eat?”

“Because I have a hot, athletic trainer boyfriend who is always keeping me active,” Oikawa winked. Iwaizumi blushed red and smacked him on the head. 

“Shut up, Shittykawa.”

“Awww, Iwa-chann,” Oikawa clung to his neck, peppering his cheeks with kisses.

Luckily, the waiter came over with everyone’s drinks and they all were hastily chugging them to avoid listening to Oikawa’s neediness. 

The liquor bottles slowly got less and less full and the drinks kept coming. It was fairly quickly that they found themselves on the crowded dance floor, moving along to Kenma’s music. 

Bokuto could feel himself starting to sweat. There were so many people around him and the only thing keeping him grounded was that his group of friends were dancing with him. 

Surprisingly, Iwaizumi and Oikawa weren’t being nearly obscene as everyone thought they would be. Oikawa merely having his arms loosely around Iwaizumi’s neck and the other man’s hands on his hips. Most likely as they got more drinks in them, the distance between their bodies will close and the grinding will start. Bokuto was just glad they weren’t off the rails yet. 

Even with the neon strobing lights and the throng of people, they were able to glimpse their waiter signaling from their table to come over. They all pushed through the crowd to make their way over to her. She had a tray of tequila shots on them. 

“Kenma-chan told me to give these to you and to tell you that he should be coming down soon,” she projected over the music. 

“Thanks, Saeko-chan!”

“Stop calling me Chan, Oikawa, I could beat you to a pulp!”

Oikawa just took the shot and threw it back before shrugging at her. 

The rest of the group cheered and followed suit. 

Bokuto felt warm. He could feel the liquid fall down his throat and felt the burn in his chest. He was at a good level. Not nearly close to being plastered but just buzzed enough that he couldn’t feel or hear any anxiousness.

Kuro looped his arm around his shoulder. “See, I told you, you would be fine once you got here.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Kuro-senpai.”

Kuro grinned and hooted, “Oooh I love when you call me Senpai. Hey, look that must be kitten’s friend, he should be coming over soon!”

Bokuto looked over to the stage. His mouth immediately dropped. 

There was no way. 

There was no way that fate was working out like this. 

There was no way that this wasn’t that last tequila shot playing mind games on him. 

“Yo, Bo you good?” Kuro stared at him worriedly. 

“That’s him.”

Kuro looked around. “Him, who?”

“Kenma’s friend.” Kuro looked back at the stage. The unknown man was clasping hands with Kenma and doing a short hug before grinning and speaking with each other. 

“Do you know him?”

“That’s the guy from the other day. That’s Akaashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oohh they meet again. Is it fate or just the author forcing them together. We'll never know.
> 
> Inspiration for Kenma's new song is Forever Yours by Avicii and Kygo. Check it out before the next chapter! (Hopefully being posted by Saturday/Sunday)
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	3. Electric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could’ve blamed it on the alcohol, he could’ve blamed it on his lack of sleep from having nonstop rehearsals, but he didn’t want to blame it on anything. 
> 
> Because if Akaashi was telling the truth, he missed having someone in his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author recommendation: Start playing Avicii and Kygo's "Forever Yours" at the same time as Kenma for the ultimate immersion

Bokuto couldn’t believe his luck. The guy he’s been thinking of non-stop, the guy who he was making up reasons to find himself in the area for, the most enchanting guy he’s ever met _was here._

_“_ Are you serious, that’s him?!” Kuro yelled over the music, “Damn Bo, you sure know how to pick ‘em!”

He couldn’t stop staring, holding his breath as he watched Akaashi and Kenma talk before Kenma pointed at the table. 

Bokuto knows the club was crowded. He knows that the odds that he and Akaashi actually made eye contact as he looked towards where Kenma pointed was slim. 

But he _swears_ that they locked eyes for a moment and Akaashi’s eyes widened just a smidge. 

Akaashi nodded at Kenma before heading over to the board, picking up the headphones and looking over the set up. Kenma dropped off the stage and made his way through the crowd, head down as low as he could while the people around him tried to talk to him and pat his back. 

When he reached the table, he immediately leaned into Kuro’s chest, the taller boy wrapping his arms around him and placing his chin on his head. 

“You did great, babe.”

“Thanks,” Kenma murmured into Kuro’s maroon button down. 

Bokuto was rocking back and forth on his feet, wanting to give them a second but also eager to ask Kenma about Akaashi. 

“Um, Kenma...” Bokuto started, “Who's the guy subbing for you right now?”

Kenma detached himself from his boyfriend. “Hm? Oh, that’s Akaashi. We met in one of our classes freshman year. He’s the one that I recorded playing the saxophone for that new song.”

“How come we’ve never met him?” Bokuto’s eyes were jumping back and forth from Kenma to the stage, eager to not miss a moment of watching Akaashi navigate the equipment. The musician slipped in so effortlessly with Kenma’s style of music, hitting the cuts and cues in the same manner that no one in the crowd seemed to mind the newcomer.

Kenma looked at him questioningly, “He’s the lead pianist for the National Symphony Orchestra so he’s usually in rehearsals or booked for private events.”

“He plays piano, saxophone, and cello?? That’s amazing!” Bokuto’s face was lit up in astonishment. 

“How did you know he plays cello....” Kenma looked between his boyfriend and friend, “He’s basically proficient in any orchestra instrument because of his major. I’m confused, did I miss something?”

Kuro took this one, “That’s the guy Bo met when he got caught in the storm before dinner a few weeks ago.”

Kenma now looked just as surprised as Bokuto, “Really? If I had known that was your type I would’ve introduced you sooner.” Bokuto hadn’t given much detail about the mysterious man that had caught his eye while waiting the rain out. Most of his sentences were incoherent gibberish but it was enough for the group to make out ‘hot’, ‘eyes’, ‘face’, ‘gorgeous’, and to determine he was smitten.

“He’s single?!” Bokuto exclaimed. He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Just because Bokuto was infatuated with him didn’t mean Akaashi would feel the same way. Or that he was even available. Or that he was even gay….

Kenma shook his head in agreement. “He says he doesn’t have time for a relationship. Plus his last relationship didn’t end too well.”

“Bo and he have that in common, then!”

Kenma and Bokuto both shot Kuro a look at that. 

“What, just saying they would be on the same page then.”

“I can bring him over if you want. Introduce you before I take over for him.”

Bokuto thought up an excuse fast, “But who would DJ?”

Kenma shrugged, “I have a few tracks that don’t require any live edits. I could play those to give us a second to talk.”

Bokuto immediately became nervous. As much as he wanted to talk to Akaashi again, he’d rather not make a fool of himself. Chances were that if he opened his mouth to speak, he would only do his image more harm than good. No, he was content just watching him now, the headphones resting on his head, slightly nodding as he focused on the beat. Better for him to cut his loses while he could.

Kuro could tell Bokuto was going to back out the second he opened his lips. “That would be great babe, right Bo?”

Well, he guessed this was happening. 

Kenma took a second to catch up with the rest of the guys, Oikawa ensuring him that there’s a new dessert shop they have to try and most definitely hitting his limit as he perched on Iwaizumi’s lap. Atsumu ruffed Kenma’s hair and complained that Bokuto got to listen to the DJ’s new song before him and then helped Kuro distribute the rest of the vodka bottle they had bought. Kuro handed a glass to Bokuto. 

He watched as Kenma pushed through the crowd once more before jumping back up onto the stage. 

The short, half blond boy walked over to Akaashi as the later took the headphones off one ear and leaned in. 

They exchanged a few words before Akaashi nodded. Kenma leaned over the laptop and tapped quickly, most likely queuing the next few songs to play on their own. 

Next thing Bokuto knew, they were both jumping down and making their way towards the table.

Bokuto chugged the vodka in his hand in one gulp. 

“Guys, this is Akaashi, he's an old friend from college. This is Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Atsumu, my boyfriend Kuro, and this is Bokuto.”

Akaashi nodded to everyone as Kenma introduced them. But when he got to Bokuto he smiled and held out his hand. 

“Bokuto-san, I take it you ended up finding Blue Cove?”

Bokuto froze a second. The vodka not helping his mind catch up with taking both Akaashi’s hand and answering, “Ah yes, thank you. Your directions were perfect.” 

Akaashi's handshake was firm, his palm soft. Bokuto was expecting more callouses from all the instruments he played. It was warm and fit perfectly inside Bokuto's slightly larger one. He never wanted to let go.

“Hey, I thought my map had fairly good directions,” Kuro interrupted. 

“Kuro you can’t even draw a straight line.”

“Kenmaaaa.”

Bokuto's heart was fluttering. He needed to stay calm or else he would make a fool of himself. 

“Um, can I get you a drink, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, wanting to have a task to distract him. 

“Sure, I’m not really picky.” Akaashi’s smile could’ve killed Bokuto right then and there. “Whatever you drink.”

He smiled back and headed over to Kei. He ordered two gin and tonics, and a water to drink while he waited. 

_Had it always been this hot in the bar? Why are there so many people here? Did Akaashi get even more attractive? What if there’s a sweat stain on his shirt?_

Kei finished pouring the two drinks and placed them on the counter, replacing Bokuto's empty water cup. He paused before heading back over to the group with the drinks. Kei had gotten really good at anticipating their thoughts and before Bokuto could even ask, the bartender poured a shot of whiskey for him. 

He nodded his thanks and threw it back. 

The burn was enough for him to man up. 

Kenma had returned to the stage. Kuro was dancing solo, trying his best to attract his boyfriend's attention. The DJ pointedly ignored him.

Atsumu was in the middle of telling Akaashi about their game in three weeks against Sweden. 

“We haven’t won against them in a while and I swear if we don’t pummel that Ushijima fucker this match I’m gonna quit. His server aces are always -“

Bokuto cut in, handing one of the drinks to Akaashi, “I don’t think Akaashi wants to be bored with volleyball, Atsumu.”

“No, it’s really ok.”

“Yeah, he used to play, Bo.”

“Really?!” Akaashi jumped at how loud Bokuto yelled. “Ah, sorry, sorry, I hope you didn’t spill anything on you. I just got overly excited for a moment, sorry sor-“

“It’s ok, Bokuto-san. No harm done,” he reassured, wiping a small splatter off his dark blue t-shirt. “But I did play briefly in high school. I gave it up once I decided to focus on music but I still play pickup games when I can.”

“What position do you play?”

“Setter.”

“Akaashiii!! You’ll have to set for me some time, I’d love to hit one of your balls!”

Akaashi choked on the sip he was taking. 

Atsumu busted out laughing, “Bahahahaha, I bet you would Bo!”

Bokuto’s cheeks went beet red, “Wait no, no uh I just meant you probably set really nicely and uh I play wing spiker, I should’ve started out with that...and you’re probably so elegant at it and I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean how it sound-“

Akaashi just grinned. “I got what you meant,” he said chuckling. “Don’t think about it for another second.”

Bokuto blinked. How did he know that that one comment would be on Bokuto's mind for the rest of the night and probably for the rest of his life?

“Cool,” he mumbled into his drink. Was this guy just overly nice or just in tune with how people felt and their emotions? Or maybe he just saw Bokuto as a dork and felt bad for him. It was a pity comment. 

“What are you guys doing over here being lame?!” Kuro yelled as he ran up to them. 

Bokuto braced the wild man up as he used too much force to propel himself forward. Kuro was clearly staring to feel all the alcohol. Maybe they shouldn’t have started drinking at the apartment.

“Get your asses to the dance floor and dance to my kitten's playing!”

It was an order no one could or really wanted to refuse. Oikawa pealed himself off of Iwaizumi’s lap and dragged him back out, immediately dancing ten times more provocatively than they were earlier. 

Kuro took one of both Bokuto’s and Akaashi's arms and led them over to an open spot. 

Bokuto was about to ask Akaashi if he even _wanted_ to dance before he saw the man in question eagerly following and beginning to dance along with the music. 

He was so graceful. His hips moving just slightly to the beat as his arms came over his head to bob his shoulders side and side. 

Bokuto had to remind himself not to stare and focus on his own movements. He was in no way a bad dancer but he definitely wasn’t the best. Luckily, liquid courage made it so he really didn’t care. 

Akaashi came closer to Kuro and Bokuto, yelling slightly so they could hear over the music, “Kenma's gotten really good at dance tech! I remember when he couldn’t even use a mix board.”

“Trust me, we’ve heard enough of his first tracks to realize how true that is!” Kuro responded, but even as he said it he stared at his boyfriend with nothing but love. 

“The most recent track you helped him with sounds really good,” Bokuto told Akaashi. “I’ve never heard a saxophone sound so good with EDM!”

It was Akaashi's turn to look embarrassed, his eyes showing his astonishment. “You listened to it?”

“Yeah, I really liked it! I didn’t even know it was you who helped him until tonight. You’re really talented!”

Akaashi blushed and softly responded with, “Thanks, I usually don’t really like playing for friends, I get more nervous than if it was for strangers.”

“Well I wished it lasted longer, I wanted to hear more of you playing!”

Akaashi leaned in and lifted his head a little closer. “Maybe I’ll have to play for you sometime,” he said, leaning back out. 

Bokuto’s heart throbbed. “Ye-yeah, maybe. I would like that!”

Just as Akaashi opened his mouth to respond, Kenma started to play the song in question. 

Bokuto pointed with a smile bigger than the cheshire cat‘s. “You’re gonna hear how bad of a singer I am, I’ve listened to it about twenty times since he’s showed it to me. It’s such a good song!”

Laughing, Akaashi nodded and started dancing with the opening strumming. 

Bokuto threw his arms out and started shouting out the words. “Ooh, you should let me love youuuu, hold me now forever more.”

He could feel everyone around him start to ramp up as they felt the drop approaching, everyone was starting to dance a little bit harder, yelling out Kenma’s name.

“Ooh, I’ll be thinkin offf you. Tell me I’m forever yours.”

Akaashi joined him on that last line, both of them leaning towards each other. 

Right as the saxophone was going to come in, someone slammed into Akaashi’s back and he fell forward onto Bokuto, the taller boys reflexives acting fast to catch him. 

Akaashi's hands tightened onto Bokuto's shoulders, the hands at his waist encircling him. “Ah I’m sorry, are you ok?”

Bokuto nodded, urging his body to pump blood to his head so he could speak coherently with this dark haired angel so close to his face. “Am I ok? You’re the one that got decked, are you ok?”

Akaashi took a moment to look at the small distance between them, “Um, I’m ok if-if you’re ok?” His voice lifted slightly at the end, the hidden question emphasized as he slid his hands a little bit closer around Bokuto's neck. He felt the hands at his waist tighten just a smidge before a barely voiced, “Yeah, I’m definitely ok” was heard. 

He may not be the best solo dancer but Bokuto sure as hell knew how to move his body. He took the slight lead in moving their bodies in time with the rhythm. Their hips swaying at the upbeat tempo, foreheads pressed oh so slightly together.

Bokuto felt the hands at his neck start to slide apart, and Akaashi's face start to pull back. 

Afraid that it was too much, Bokuto started to release the hands he had on the man before Akaashi was running his hands down the front of Bokuto's chest. 

He could feel his heart pump erratically. Akaashi's hands were electric and Bokuto couldn’t help himself from pulling them closer together by Akaashi's hips. 

He heard the small gasp Akaashi made as their hips finally ground down on each other’s. 

They started being bolder, Bokuto guiding their hips as they bent further to the ground and back up, each time pushing into each other as much as they could. 

Akaashi's hands were all over now, going down the broad chest in front of him, to the hips seated under him and the strong thigh muscles brushed up against his, and finally to the muscled arms that closed him in, the cuffs of the black button down rolled up half way, revealing the tendons pulsing as they flexed. 

Bokuto's golden eyes burned into Akaashi's. 

He could’ve blamed it on the alcohol, he could’ve blamed it on his lack of sleep from having nonstop rehearsals, but he didn’t want to blame it on anything. 

Because if Akaashi was telling the truth, he missed having someone in his life. 

He missed the connection of being able to talk with someone and have them always being willing to listen. 

Or knowing that he can just listen to someone talk about their day without having to feel pressured into being a perfectionist for them. 

He missed feeling wanted. 

So he didn’t blame it on anyone or anything when he saw Bokuto's head bend forward just slightly and he met him halfway, bringing their lips together in a searing kiss. 

  
  
  


Kenma’s Track

[Forever Yours](https://youtu.be/5PA0HEfJyr8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot, posting this chapter a little earlier than originally stated because I'm not gonna lie I couldn't wait to get them reconnected and start this roller coaster of emotions.
> 
> Guys I have SO many thoughts in my head for this story to go through, I hope I get them all in.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	4. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto would rather look at Akaashi than the stars

Bokuto couldn’t believe his luck. 

He couldn’t believe that he was standing on _this_ crowded dance floor, where just months ago his heart was completely shattered, kissing the most beautiful human soul he could have ever imagined on this planet. 

He didn’t want it to end. 

What started out fairly tentative transformed into a full fledge desire for the other. Everyone around them disappeared as they got lost in one another’s heat. 

But eventually they had to come up for air. Their faces slightly sweaty and breath coming out quick. 

Akaashi hadn’t felt that alive in forever. 

Never had his lips moved so in sync with someone their first time kissing. 

Their lips knew just how much pressure to give and how the other moved. 

Their tongues had fought in the most synchronized dance, neither one backing down yet both supporting the others movements. 

If Akaashi could write a symphony right then, he would use the fast paced beating of his heart as the backbone. The drums would play vivace, a hard and fast pace, while the violins and flutes played running scales in legato. A perfect balance of lyrical and firmness.

“Well, damn,” he mumbled against Bokuto's lips. 

Bokuto tried to get his breathing right, hesitating before barely whispering, “Will-will you come home with me tonight, please?”

Akaashi's grip on his shoulders tightened, his eyes deflating slightly. “I can’t.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Bokuto moved to take a step back, “I didn’t mean to make you feel-“

“No, no I want to!” Akaashi stopped him from moving away, huffing, “God I want to.”

Bokuto's smile returned, the worry that he had fucked everything up with one sentence washed away. 

“But I have to play at a wedding early tomorrow. I shouldn’t even have stayed this late as it is.” He groaned. 

“Oh, that’s ok! I completely understand!”

Akaashi's eyes widened. He stared for a moment before asking, “You do? You’re not mad?”

Bokuto's head cocked to one side. “Why would I be mad? It’s your job? It’s not like you can skip out on your responsibilities, I get it.”

Akaashi's mouth fell open a bit before his entire face relaxed into a soft smile, his heading bowing a tad. 

“Thank you.”

“Just one condition though.”

He thought it was too good to be true. “What...”

“You give me your number instead. Maybe we could try to meet up sometime next week? Granted, our schedules line up.”

Akaashi relaxed, that was more than fair. In fact, it was something he wanted but didn’t know how to ask. 

“That sounds great, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto handed Akaashi his phone before pushing forward a bit to let Kuro know he was walking Akaashi out. Kuro made a face as if to say, ‘without you?’ but Bokuto brushed it off with a look that said ‘later.’

When he got back, Akaashi handed back his phone and held out his own. Bokuto put in his contact information as they walked over to the exit. 

“You’ll be ok getting home?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I called an Uber as you were talking to Kuro. They'll be here any second.”

Bokuto nodded and put his phone back in his pocket. 

“I meant what I said earlier, by the way.” 

Akaashi's face scrunched in confusion. 

Bokuto clarified. “You really are talented. I could tell from the second I heard you play piano, and that was before I knew how attractive you are!”

The blush on Akaashi's face was enough to satisfy any desires he had tonight. 

“Keep embarrassing me like that and maybe I won’t go out with you.”

“Akaassshi!”

“I’m kidding. I still owe you for the drink.”

“Oh, don’t even worry about it. Kei really likes to fuck with Kuro so I wouldn’t be surprised if he put it on his tab.” He laughed. 

“Ah, so then I should be taking Kuro out for a date then?” Akaashi’s eyebrow raised. 

“I will pay Kuro’s whole tab if it takes preventing that.”

The soft lilts of Akaashi’s laugh were even more graceful than his playing. 

A black sedan pulled up with a lit up Uber sign. 

“Ah, that’s me. It was nice seeing you again Bokuto-san.” Akaashi signaled to the driver that he was his passenger. 

Before he could walk towards it, Bokuto softly cupped his cheek and pulled Akaashi in for one more sweet kiss. Longer than a peck, but short enough to keep the anticipation of next time on their minds. 

“I look forward to hanging out again. Will you text me when you get home?”

The wonderment staring back at him in the blue swirls of Akaashi's eyes had him frozen as Akaashi made a swift nod and pulled away. 

Bokuto could’ve sworn he was floating on a cloud as Akaashi's Uber pulled away and he headed back inside. 

—————————

“Nice kill!” Hinata yelled. 

“Bokuto, watch how you’re rotating your shoulder on that cross.” Iwaizumi mimicked the proper positioning, “You’re popping it out too far.”

The ace nodded. 

Practice was grueling today. With the upcoming game against Sweden, everyone’s energy was charged as they pushed themselves to their limits. 

Oikawa set a perfect toss to Bokuto. He focused on his form like Iwaizumi mentioned only for the cross shot to be blocked by Kuro. 

The dark haired man’s grin was more annoying than actually missing. 

“Aw what’s wrong, Bo. Not good enough to get pass me?”

Coach signaled for them to take a five minute water break. 

Bokuto handed Kuro one of the bottles their managers had filled earlier. “I only wanted to give you a little confidence, I know you do better when your ego is boosted.”

“Says the one that needs me to read their messages before sending them.”

Bokuto pouted, “It’s not my fault I want him to like me!”

“Dude, the amount you guys text is enough to show that he likes you.” Kuro gave a pointed glare, “I was honestly about to smack you for the shit eating grin that’s been plastered on your face.”

“But he’s wayyy smarter than me. How is someone like that supposed to go for a mess like me?” He frowned. 

Kuro sighed. It had been the same thing for the past two weeks. One minute the guy was bouncing off the walls with excitement and the second he was convincing himself that it was a terrible idea to even try. 

“Look,” Kuro soothed, “You can’t make that decision for him. Even if you’re thinking that’s how he feels you’ll never know until you actually go out with the guy.”

That was true. With Bokuto's game coming up and Akaashi’s symphony schedule, they had only been texting or talking on the phone at night ever since they reconnected at the club. If Bokuto was free, Akaashi had a performance booked. If Akaashi was open, Bokuto had training. 

Still, they managed to keep conversation going, albeit with some fairly long breaks in between when one of them was busy. This would often cause Bokuto to repeatedly say ‘This is it. He hates me. He’s not going to respond and I’m gonna die alone.”

Akaashi would usually respond soon after and Bokuto was back to normal, smiling into his phone.

Kuro was fed up with it. 

That’s why he got Kenma to text Akaashi and ask if he was open for a movie night that night. He knew it was late and that they had early practice and Akaashi would probably have to come from some performance, but Kuro knew that if Bokuto didn’t get it out of his system then he would be a wreck next Saturday. And Kuro wanted to beat Sweden just as much as Atsumu. 

And as much as he wanted to tell Bokuto that they would finally get to hang out tonight, he also knew the anxious man would find a reason to not go home after practice and stay at Hinata’s and Kenma’s if he knew the plan. 

It was better to tell him when he was in the comfort of his own home where he felt more secure. 

The whistle blew. “Alright, breaks over! You’re not gonna beat Sweden if you can’t perfect these plays!”

The fire lit in everyone’s eyes as they got back on the court. 

———————

“Gah, I’m exhausted,” Bokuto huffed as he plopped on their couch. 

Kuro was taking his shoes off, “Oi go take a shower, we don’t need your sweat seeping into the couch.”

“Don’t try to act like you and Kenma haven’t gotten other bodily fluids on here.”

“Touché.”

Kuro hugged Kenma who was in the kitchen making tea.

“Kenma, do you ever stay at your own apartment?”

Kenma stared blankly. “Would you be surprised if I told you that Hinata and Kageyama have kinkier sex than Kuro and I?”

“Oh, so _I’m_ subjected to the crazy sex noises?” He paused. “And honestly, no not really.”

“Maybe we would spend more time at Kenma’s if you ever actually needed privacy in the apartment.” Kuro chimed in.

“Heyyy, it’s not my fault I didn’t fall in love with my high school sweetheart.”

“Well you might want to hurry up,” the short boy said, “If Akaashi sees you like that he might actually stop talking to you.”

Bokuto immediately sat up, “What?”

“Akaashi’s coming over. We’re gonna watch a movie and you guys are going to finally hang out.”

“WHAT! How could you not tell me! I need to shower, no I should clean the living room first, or maybe make food, what if he doesn’t like any of the tea we have? I have to go to the store and buy more tea!” 

Bokuto was running back and forth around the place. 

He was about to walk out of the front door without shoes on when Kuro grabbed his arm and stopped him. 

“Hey,” Kuro said, calmly putting his hands on Bokuto's shoulders, “Its ok. It’s very casual. You don’t have to try to impress him, you don’t have do anything you’re not ready to do, you just have to be in the same room as him finally.”

He took his hands off slowly, testing to see if the frazzled Bokuto would make a run for it to buy tea when they already have loads of it. 

“It will be just like you’re texting but face to face, yeah?”

Bokuto’s eyes were still blown wide and he was biting his lip but his shoulders visibly relaxed as he nodded. 

“Now go take a shower.”

When Bokuto came out of his room freshly showered and changed, Kuro handed him some tea. 

“Better?” He asked. 

“Yeah. And now that I've had time to process it I’m really excited!”

Kuro chuckled, “See man, don’t say I’ve never helped you.”

“Ah, but the amount of times you’ve gotten me in trouble outweighs the good.”

“Name one time I got you in trouble.”

Kenma and Bokuto responded at the same time, “Spring break senior year at that ramen store in Osaka.”

“My boyfriend and my best friend ganging up on me, how rude.”

“What’s rude is that we can never go back to that ramen shop.”

Kenma added softly and accusingly, “They had the best broth.”

Kuro was going to respond that there are hundreds of shops in Japan but was cut off by a knock at the door. 

Bokuto tensed up again, the fear on his face almost made Kuro feel sorry for him but he pushed the owl haired boy towards the door anyway. 

He took a second to take a deep breath then opened the door. 

“Akaashi!”

Akaashi’s lips turned up, “Hello, Bokuto-san. I’m glad we could finally meet up.”

Bokuto ushered him. “I know! I’m really sorry about how hectic my schedule is. I get it if you were kinda ticked,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It was both of our schedules,” Akaashi responded as he slipped his shoes off. “My time was just as limited as yours, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto felt himself relax. He was worried that talking in person would be different than texting but he found himself falling into the same rhythm.

“Hey, Akaashi,” Kenma waved from the living room. 

“Hi, Kenma. Hey Kuro.”

“You like black tea right? I just made some. There’s honey on the counter.”

“Oh perfect, thanks.”

While Akaashi went over to pour himself a cup, Bokuto stared at Kenma flabbergasted. 

He motioned to the counter and came over to whisper yell, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew what he drank! You were going to let me buy every kind at the store?”

Kenma shrugged, “It was kind of funny.”

Bokuto clicked his tongue and huffed. 

“So what are we watching?” Kuro jumped in. 

“We could watch the new Jurassic Park.”

“Kenma, even though it’s new we’ve watched it ten times. Let’s do something else.”

Bokuto took the remote and started scrolling through their Amazon Prime. 

“Oh, I love that guy.”

Bokuto froze. He could’ve sworn he just said that out loud but did Akaashi just say the same thing? 

They spoke in unison again, “You like John Mulaney?”

They stared at each other before busting out in laughter. 

Kenma and Kuro just watched them as Kuro dragged his boyfriend onto the loveseat. 

As the laughter finally died down Akaashi looked at the TV, “Yeah I think he’s actually really funny. Although I haven’t seen this set yet.”

“Me either!” He looked over at the two sitting, “You guys good to watch this?”

They both just shrugged a yes, it wasn’t their date. They were just here for support. And a bit of amusement in watching the two navigate their feelings for each other. 

Bokuto hit play and sat down on the couch. He was acutely aware of how far Akaashi sat down next to him. Not right up against him, but not all the way on the other side.

Soon he was out of his head as they all laughed at the show. 

They didn’t even realize how quickly it went by, after 45 minutes it ended and they were all trying to catch their breaths, Kuro wiping tears from his eyes. 

“Ok that was good, I got to admit.”

“Agreed, the bit about mimicking yogis? Fantastic.”

“Kuro and I laugh at all the people we see going into the studio across the street. They’re always wearing these bright tank tops about wine and wearing $60 leggings.”

Akaashi grinned, “That must be really entertaining.”

“Oh it is! You can see it from the balcony actually and sometimes we just grab a beer and stand out there and watch.” Bokuto hesitated before adding on, “Do-do you wanna see it?”

It wasn’t the smoothest excuse but it was all he could think of to keep the conversation moving and have a reason to be alone with him. 

“Sure.”

He walked over and slid open the sliding door, closing it a smidge once Akaashi stepped through. _Don’t wanna close it and make him feel uncomfortable but also want to give them a little bit more privacy._

“That’s the studio right there,” he said, pointing across the street.

You could just make out the neon sign that read, ‘relax, recharge, refill your wine.’

“You have a really good view. My apartment just faces another building.”

“Oh, yeah that’s no fun. Do you at least have a balcony you can go out to?”

He saw the raven’s hair shake as he shook his head no. 

“But I do have access to the roof which is pretty much the same.”

“That must be great for parties or stargazing!”

Akaashi turned towards him, his face sheepish as he stuttered out, “Do you like looking at the stars?”

Bokuto hummed in agreement. “I think there’s something magical about them, no? Like these little things millions of light years away, still burning. Still leaving their mark on the world. They have a reason to shine and everyone feels happy looking at them.”

He stopped, bringing his gaze back down to Akaashi. “Sorry that was a little cheesy. But who doesn’t like them?”

He thought he heard, “some people don’t” be mumbled. 

“Sorry?”

Akaashi’s face was unreadable again, “Nothing. I can show you the constellations if you want?”

Bokuto’s eyes widened, “Really?!”

He looked up to where Akaashi started to point. “See that really bright star there? Go over a little bit and it makes the outline for Cancer. And over there is Leo.”

“Wow,” Bokuto’s breath hitched. He knew Akaashi was still pointing out patterns but his eyes had wandered back to Akaashi’s face. The moonlight hitting him so softly that he glowed, his blue eyes piercing against his pale skin.

“Bokuto-san?”

“You’re beautiful.”

Akaashi dropped his hand that was still pointing. He felt his ears turn red. 

“Ah, you don’t have to say that.”

“But I need to!” Bokuto exclaimed. “I honestly can’t believe someone as amazing as you is even here talking to me.”

He brought a hand up to brush the hair out of Akaashi’s eyes, “You’re insanely smart. And talented. Your music honestly made me feel more than I have in years, and you’re so thoughtful.”

Bokuto softly took both of the stunned man’s hands in his, stopping the fidgeting that Akaashi was doing. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you have this knack of calming everything down for me. Usually I’m a mess of emotions but when I’m talking with you, all I can think about is how amazing you are. And how I want to know more about you. Heck I want to know everything about you!”

He saw Akaashi’s eyebrows knit together. “But not in a creepy way! No, no I just meant I want to know your favorite things! And what food you can’t stand, and where you like to go on dates and-“

“Bokuto-san.”

He choked out a “yes.”

“Stop talking and kiss me.”

Bokuto had never shut up faster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up a lot longer than I thought considering it wasn't really planned. I had originally wanted to pick it up with what's in the next two chapters but felt like there was just something missing, hence the stargazing date.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it! Drop a comment if you have thoughts because boy do I sure do.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	5. Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the rest of the week, Bokuto’s heart burst at any thought of Akaashi.

That kiss was better than beating Sweden, Bokuto decided. Atsumu be damned, that guy had obviously never been kissed like this.

They had spent the next few moments heavily making out before Akaashi pulled away and announced he should probably go. 

Bokuto would’ve given up every hour of sleep that night if he could’ve spent it with Akaashi, but he respected his wish and had walked him out. 

He still didn’t get any sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

They had texted each other the next day and were able to squeeze in a coffee date in the middle of their hectic schedules.

They were enjoying each other’s company, learning about their likes and dislikes, Bokuto still not getting over Akaashi’s hatred of jazz. It shocked him that he hated _any_ form of music. But the musician had gotten very passionate about it, ranting about how it just ‘didn’t make sense,’ and that the improvisation and staccato of it 'did not sit well' with him. He preferred running bases and sweeping movements. Any other genre he could do: country, techno, even opera he loved. Just not jazz.

Bokuto could really only understand half of the conversation but he grinned at seeing the usually stoic man so worked up.

He made mental notes of everything Akaashi said. Noticed how he ordered his coffee, stored away that he mentioned he was part of a band that played at bars a few times, anything that he could use to his advantage in their next date.

When they went out for dinner the next night, he made sure not to order anything with mushrooms, even though he loves them, because Akaashi had made a comment that he was severely allergic to them.

It didn’t occur to him that Akaashi had gone out of his way to go meet Bokuto at his apartment before heading to the restaurant because he knew the volleyball player got nervous going to new places alone. The restaurant was definitely in the opposite direction of Bokuto’s apartment.

For the rest of the week, Bokuto’s heart burst at any thought of Akaashi. His mind continuously swirled around the way Akaashi’s eyes lit up when his coffee was made _just_ right, or at how he fidgeted with his hands when he got nervous. Or at how much Bokuto loved the feeling of Akaashi’s hand in his as they walked around. And how their lips felt on one another as they gently kissed each other good night, each kiss getting longer and longer.

Akaashi was a drug and Bokuto was hooked.

Bokuto was seriously considering skipping a training session to meet up with said boy when during practice Thursday, Atsumu mentioned they should have a party after the game on Saturday. 

If they won, they would be celebrating. 

If they lost, they would drink their sorrows away. 

Everyone agreed vehemently and it was decided that Bokuto and Kuro would host since they had the largest apartment. 

They were walking home from practice that night when Kuro suddenly stopped and pulled Bokuto back. 

“Alright, what are you debating now?”

“How did you-“

“Anytime you’re quiet for more than ten minutes I know you’re stuck in your head.”

Bokuto looked away. 

He had to admit that it was nice having someone who knew him well enough to know when something was wrong, but on the other hand, he hated looking weak and being so easily read. 

He sighed. “I was thinking about inviting Akaashi to the party.”

Kuro’s face mimicked his surprise. He thought he was going to have to invite the musician himself. 

“I think that’s a great idea, Bo. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because what if it’s too much to handle?” Bokuto kicked a rock by his foot. “It’s one thing to be at a club or the apartment with a few people but a party with the entire team being drunk and rowdy? I would freak out if I was in his position.”

“You guys have been talking for a while now though, don’t you want him to meet the rest of your friends? Especially the guys you work with?”

Bokuto’s eyes glazed over wide as he said, “Yeah but every time I drink with Hanamaki and Matsukawa I go way too hard. And Yaku gets way too competitive.”

“Well, sooner or later he’s going to have to see your rager side. Might as well get it over with now.”

“But what if it’s not his scene?”

“The fact that you’re even aware that that’s a possibility should make it better. You’ll just have to be conscious to how he reacts to everything.”

Bokuto nodded and started walking again. 

“What if he doesn’t drink?”

“You were literally drinking at a club with him a month ago.”

————————-

Akaashi was tired. 

All his time was spent rehearsing or playing for events or trying to finish the arrangement he had been working on since college. 

It was a piece that had taken quite a few turns since he first started it. He never thought it would take him this long to finish it, but he was almost glad that it shifted from its original tone. And with his Sensei’s help, it’s come a long way. He’s just still nowhere near being done. His lack of time to finish it did not help the inspiration come any faster.

He was very close to taking a nap on the bench of the piano he was practicing at when he felt his phone vibrate. 

He could go three days without sleep and still smile at seeing Bokuto’s name pop up on his screen. 

It had been a really long time since he had been genuinely happy. 

Probably not since the early days of his relationship with Daishou. 

He shook his head. 

Bokuto wasn’t Dashiou. 

Right?

That relationship had made Akaashi feel just as giddy at the start, but the pain he had ended with had caused him to never want to take the chance with someone again. 

But there was something about Bokuto. 

From the second he saw him sitting as little as he could on the sofa of the rehearsal hall, he felt like he was looking at the sun. You couldn’t _not_ notice him. 

He just seemed so innocent, even with his unholy muscled arms and height. 

For someone who obviously liked to show off, he sure did try to hide in the shadows a lot. 

And then there was the fact that no matter what Akaashi said, Bokuto looked at him like he was the most fascinating thing on the planet. 

Daishou never did that. 

In fact, he liked it better when Akaashi _didn’t_ talk. 

He would get angry when Akaashi made a comment, it didn’t matter if he was right or if it was just his opinion, Akaashi learned to just go along with what was happening and keep his mouth shut. 

Even when they were texting, Akaashi avoided anything that would take away from Daishou, he knew he would either be brushed off or made to feel like an idiot. 

That was just what he thought a normal relationship was like, sacrificing for the other one right?

But not with Bokuto. 

It was hard to break the habit when they had first exchanged numbers, mostly providing few word responses, but Bokuto just urged him on. Never in a way that made Akaashi feel uncomfortable, just very sincere questions wanting to genuinely get to know him. It took a few weeks before conversation flowed easily, Akaashi finding himself actually preferring to listen than talk anyway. Bokuto has a way of drawing people in. This time though, it was his choice to stay quiet. 

And Akaashi couldn't even tell if the professional volleyball player was even gay when they first met. 

He had hoped he was, and found himself daydreaming about running into him again. Would they run into each other on the street? Maybe they would accidentally sit next to each other on the bus. His conductor had to reprimand him two or three times for speeding up the tempo during full rehearsals. 

But he had never imagined that he just had to hang out with Kenma more in order to meet him. 

Kenma had helped him a lot in college. 

Both of them had fairly similar personalities and interests, and they fell into an easy rhythm of pairing up for projects. 

And he was the one that held him while he cried when Dashiou broke up with him. And the one to bring him food and do his laundry when he couldn’t force himself to get out of bed for three straight months. 

And now he’s brought him Bokuto. 

Akaashi would have to pay him back. 

**From Bokuto-san**

_We’re going to have a party at our place Saturday night after our game, do you wanna come?_

He hesitated. Meeting the rest of his friends? He knows they’ve been talking for a fair amount of time now, but doesn’t it get a little too official if he meets all his friends?

He took a deep breath, “Come on, you can do this.”

**To Bokuto-san**

_Sure. What time?_

He needed to get out and get over this hump, he can’t keep thinking about what’s happened in the past. He likes Bokuto, so shouldn’t he try his hardest? He can go to a party.

The alarm on his phone rang out and he packed up his sheet music quickly. He grabbed his bag, exiting the rehearsal room and walking to their main stage for group practice. 

His phone dinged again. 

**From Kenma**

_I’m planning on going to the guy’s game. Would you like to join? No worries if not._

That made him really pause. Would Bokuto like it if he surprised him like that? Is that what people do for people they’re interested in?

He checked his phone calendar to see what his day plans were, he had to teach a violin lesson at three the same day. 

A quick search brought up the national team calendar (averting his eyes from the banner up top that had Bokuto jumping midair), it looked like the game is at 11am. He should have enough time to go and then take the train to his lesson. He let Kenma know he was in. 

His phone dinged again. 

Bokuto sent him a gif of a cat clapping its paws. 

“What has you all smiling,” Suga leaned in teasingly. 

Akaashi blushed and pocketed his phone, “Nothing.”

“Hmmm, could it be the mysterious person you’ve been texting nonstop and looking far off into the distance about during rehearsals?”

“Shouldn’t you be making sure Noya doesn’t try to slide on top of the timpani again?”

The silver haired man frowned, shrugging his arms, “Hey, just because I said I know a guy to be a percussionist doesn’t mean I’m responsible for how crazy he is.”

“Yet the second you saw it you went straight into mom mode.”

They walked onto the stage that held the miniature risers the orchestra played on. 

Akaashi headed over to the piano. 

They watched as Noya and Tanaka had a battle with their drumsticks. 

Suga sighed, “And Daichi doesn’t believe that our job is stressful.”

“You mean a police officer doesn’t understand the intricate drama of a professional orchestra? Astonishing.”

“Trust me, he wouldn’t last a day if he had to deal with all the problems the flute section complains about.”

“Or the constant backstabbing for first chair.”

Suga hummed in agreement. If anyone knew about that he did. He had fought his way up to first chair for violin and now constantly watches his back. At least Akaashi didn’t have to worry about that. His backup pianist was a girl who he actually mentored in college. Yachi was grateful to anything Akaashi taught her and repeatedly mentioned her gratitude.

Their conductor, Yasufumi, came in and tapped his baton on the music stand. 

“Let’s start with the Tchaikovsky, no? Can we tune to a B flat please? Akaashi.”

Akaashi did his best to not think about a certain golden eyed man every two seconds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, can you imagine our sweet angel Akaashi with a snake like Daisho? *shivers* Apologies for the kinda shor chapter, I promise the next one is longer!
> 
> Drop me a comment with your thoughts!
> 
> PSA: This fic will most like be changing ratings to Explicit in two chapters. Fair warning.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	6. Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous looks and jungle juice
> 
> "He could vaguely hear the hoots of his teammates but they were at the back of his mind as he held Akaashi in his arms, the other’s hands clinging to the back of his head as he pressed their mouths together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want it stated on the record for this chapter and any following chapters that I literally know nothing about volleyball. We livin in the authors world here guys, just go with it.

Akaashi was a nervous wreck by the time Saturday rolled around. And he wasn’t even the one playing. 

Kenma convinced him that telling Bokuto that they were going to the game would do more harm than good. 

It took Akaashi maybe the first week of talking to Bokuto to pick up on the fact that the volleyball player seemed to second guess himself a lot if he wasn’t in control of the situation. Any time he flubbed a word or they were talking about something that was unknown to him, Bokuto would start talking faster and faster. If it was new to him, his confidence failed him. 

Volleyball wasn’t new to Bokuto, obviously. But Akaashi coming to watch his game was. And just that knowledge alone would throw him off the entire game. 

So Akaashi didn’t tell him. And he felt terrible. 

Last night, he went for a long run and had to take close to a 45 minute shower just to try and relax his nerves. 

He left his apartment with enough time to make sure he wouldn’t get lost on the way to the gym. Once he got there, 20 minutes earlier than he planned to meet Kenma, he texted the other to let him know and waited out by the front wall. 

A group of girls in school uniforms were standing off to the side of him. They were taking photos with the posters hanging behind them. 

“Do you think he’ll notice me in the stands?”

A tall blonde answered, “Oh please, if he would notice anyone it would be me." She flipped her hair back as she said it. “My hair matches his eyes.”

“No way would he care about that,” the first girl said. “Besides, my black hair matches his.”

“His hair is white.”

“Only some of it!”

A third girl that was taking a selfie with the poster came forward. “Please, Bokuto-kun probably likes girls that play volleyball and I’m the only one here that does. It will obviously be me.”

Akaashi’s head whipped to the side to stare at them. The poster behind them had Bokuto standing at the point in the middle of the team, the rest of the players spreading behind him in a V. 

“How would he even know that you play volleyball?” The blonde spat. 

“We volleyballers can just tell.”

“Hpmh, whatever. Let’s go get more coffee. Maybe we’ll see the players leave the locker room!”

They rushed by Akaashi giggling, the blonde smirking at him. She probably thought he was checking them out as they walked by.

_Has Bokuto-san ever been with a girl?_

Not that he really cared who he was with in the past. But he wondered just how pretty they probably were.

“-ashi?”

Akaashi blinked. Kenma was standing in front of him staring. 

“Are you ok? I said your name a few times.”

Pushing off the wall, he wiped his hands on his pants. “Oh yeah, sorry, just got distracted.”

Kenma didn’t look too convinced but he didn’t hound the boy for details, bless his heart. 

They walked inside the gym to find their seats. Akaashi would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little excited. There was something about the energy in the gym that always set the hairs on the back of his neck up. The sounds of volleyballs hitting the ground as the players warmed up brought back so many memories. Akaashi forgot how much he loved the sport. 

“I hope they win tonight,” Kenma said softly. He had pulled out his phone to listen to a few tracks he had in the making before the match started. 

Akaashi nodded. “Yeah the party will be a different tone if they don’t.”

“More so for your sake than mine.”

He saw Akaashi’s head cock. “Bokuto takes losses more personally than the others. He feels like it’s his job as the ace to always make sure they win. Even if he isn’t the one making the plays.”

That made sense. Even in high school the ace of his team took things to heart. Knowing Bokuto and how sensitive he was to others, the reaction was probably tenfold. 

Squealing had them looking over to their right. 

“See, I told you they were already on the court! We missed our chance to see him!”

The girls from outside were finding their seats in the section over from the boys’. 

“Maybe we can wait out front for Bokuto-kun.” Akaashi vaguely remember this being the girl that played volleyball. “Maybe he’ll sign my chest if I ask.”

Akaashi grimaced. He knew Bokuto was famous but it didn’t mean he had to like fan girls drooling over him. 

“You get used to it.” Kenma said, glancing over at him. “I was the same way with Kuro. It’ll take time but soon you’ll be able to block them out.”

“I mean, I don’t really have the right to feel mad or anything. It’s not like Bokuto-san and I are official or anything.”

“Aren’t you?”

Kenma said it with such a commanding tone that Akaashi was taken back. 

“We-we haven’t really talked about it. And I’m not sure if I’m really cut out for relationships...”

“Well you better figure it out because that guy has it bad for you.”

Akaashi just gripped his knees as the starting whistle blew. 

The team had a rough start. 

Sweden had placed Ushijima up first to serve, wanting to hit them hard and kill any confidence they had. They weren’t able to return the first four serves until their libero finally connected it. 

Oikawa set a high toss to Bokuto. He slammed it into the other side, securing their first point. 

Akaashi’s mouth hung open. Bokuto flew through the sky. The power he used to spike the ball sent shivers down his spine. He could only imagine what it would feel like to set for him. 

The girls to the right went wild yelling out for him. 

The match continued on. Hinata and Bokuto securing a few points each while Kuro and their libero, Yaku, Kenma had told him, pushed the defense. Atsumu and Sakusa nailed a few server aces but they still lost the first set. 

They rotated sides. Now Japan was on the side closer to where Akaashi and Kenma sat. 

They weren’t doing much better this set. It was 7-0 and Akaashi could tell Bokuto was losing focus. He had missed one toss from Oikawa and got denied on two spikes. 

Their coach subbed Kageyama in hoping to get in a few of the quicks that he and Hinata had been working on. 

7-4

They were slowly gaining ground but needed to make a comeback fast. 

Coach called a timeout. 

They hustled over to the bench, grabbing towels and water to cool off with. 

“Should we do it now?” Akaashi heard the girls whisper. 

“Yes! We need to support him!”

They counted to three and yelled out in unison, “We love you Bokuto-kun!”

The Japan team looked up. 

Akaashi was holding his breath. He was debating ducking down when he saw Bokuto give a small wave to the girls before his gaze shifted over. 

At first, he only saw Kenma. But he did a quick double take before gasping and yelling, “Akaashi!!”

Akaashi blushed. He felt the daggers being burned into his skull as the girls watched him wave back. 

Atsumu hit Bokuto on the back of the head. But it wasn’t enough to wipe the smile off his face. 

Akaashi was worried that his presence would now throw the wing spiker off his game, but if anything he could see the fire relit in his eyes. 

Bokuto was back on his game. 

He hit four consecutive points down, pumping up his team as they all fed off his energy. 

They took the second set and the third in a landslide. 

Kenma nudged his knee, “Come on, we can wait outside for them.”

It only took about ten minutes before the Japan team came through the doors, Bokuto immediately rushing to Akaashi and lifting him off the ground. 

“Akaaashii!! I didn’t know you were coming, did you see me?? How was it? Thank you for coming!!”

The shorter boy had to lightly tap the volleyball player’s shoulder to get him to stop spinning and put him down. “I did. Yes, you did great Bokuto-san. Congratulations.”

Bokuto beamed at him before worry spread on his face, “Gahh I should’ve asked before picking you up I’m sorry, and I smell bad I shoul-“

“It’s fine Bokuto-san. I didn’t mind,” he said, resting a hand softly on his arm. 

Kuro was asking everyone where they wanted to go to lunch. Out of the corner of his eye, Akaashi saw the group of girls walk by staring at them. He dropped his hand. 

“You in Akaashi?”

He turned, “Ah sorry, what?”

“You wanna come get lunch?” Kuro asked, Bokuto nodding his head with him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I actually have to go,” Akaashi replied, a slight sadness to his voice. “I’m giving a private lesson soon.”

Bokuto’s puppy dog eyes were enough to break Akaashi’s heart. “But I’ll see you later tonight?” Akaashi reconciled.

That had the sad boy perking back up again. “Yeah! Feel free to come by whenever. We’ll have plenty of stuff!”

The team said their quick goodbyes before Bokuto walked him slightly away from everyone else, holding his hand in his. 

“Thanks a lot for coming Akaashi, I really, really appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure. You looked really amazing out there.”

Bokuto blushed “Oya? How amazing...” He smirked. 

“Don’t push your luck,” Akaashi deadpanned. 

“Fair enough,” Bokuto chuckled. He lifted up their joined hands and kissed the back of Akaashi’s softly. “I’ll see you tonight?”

Akaashi hummed, “See you tonight.” He let his hand linger just slightly longer in Bokuto’s before turning down the street. 

He never hated giving violin lessons more than ever. 

——————————

Bokuto was a nervous wreck. 

The guys had already given him so much shit at lunch for having a ‘good luck charm’ at the game. 

Oikawa wanted to pinch Akaashi’s cheeks. Yaku wanted to get him wasted. Kuro wanted them to fuck already. 

This party was going to be a shit show. 

It was 9pm. They had told the team to come over at around 9:30/9:45pm but they should’ve known that they would’ve been itching to celebrate their win. The spacious apartment was already crowded. 

Kenma had set up some of his equipment and had a playlist playing through the speakers in the far corner. He was currently in the kitchen stirring a large bowl of blue liquid. 

“I thought we weren’t going to make juice?” Bokuto looked over at the rest of the alcohol on the counter, there would be no shortage tonight. “Every time we make it things get rowdy.”

“Things get rowdy every time Bokuto, you just blame it on the juice because you drink too much of it.”

“Hey, it should be illegal to make a drink that fucks you up so fast, so tasty and easy to drink!” 

Kuro came over from tapping the keg, “Oh relax. You’re just nervous because Akaashi is coming.”

A quick thought had Bokuto taking a cup of the blue liquid and chugging it. Kenma looked at him with disgust. Kuro looked at him with approval. 

He stuck his tongue out, groaning slightly, “Shouldn’t have done that.” But even so he filled his cup up again. 

Hinata was sitting the second string team down to play kings at the dining table. 

“Bokuto-kun, you wanna join?” He yelled over. 

“Sorry runt, he’s my partner for beer pong,” Kuro said as he dragged the man over to the long table they had set up by the balcony door. Hinata just shrugged and pulled a card from the circle. Everyone raised their hands when they saw the seven. Kageyama clicked his tongue in annoyance and took a sip of his drink. 

Kuro and Bokuto were known to hold down the beer pong table for a while, their styles complimented each other’s as Kuro was strong at the start and got worse the drunker he got, and Bokuto got better the drunker he got. 

They had taken two games and were on the last cup of the third one when Bokuto saw Kenma move out of the corner of his eye. Just as Kuro was about to shoot, he saw Akaashi talking with Kenma by the front door. He missed. 

“Come on bro it’s all you.”

“Ah fuck it.” He chugged the rest of his beer. What number was he on? He tried not to think about Akaashi watching as he let the ping pong ball soar. 

It plopped perfectly into the lone red solo cup at the other end of the table. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa dropped their heads. Bokuto and Kuro cheered. 

“Alright, who’s next?” Kuro called over the music. 

Bokuto was already walking away from the table, “Sorry man, gotta call it.” He pushed through everyone in the living room to get to the door. 

“Dude, what, you can’t just leav-” But he stopped once he saw where Bokuto was heading. Ain’t no one got time for a cock block. 

“Akaashi! You made it!”

The younger man was wearing jeans and a dark green crew neck, a light jacket in his hands. “Ah yes, sorry I couldn’t get here earlier.”

Bokuto couldn’t get the smile off his face even if he wanted to. “Don’t worry about it! Here, do you want me to take your jacket? I’ll leave it in my room for now so it doesn’t get messed up!” 

Akaashi handed it to him. He started to make his way to his room when he called over, “Kenma, get Akaashi a drink! Maybe a shot too, he needs to catch up!”

He briefly saw Akaashi shrug while Kuro came over yelling, “Shots?!”

Bokuto quickly made his way down the hallway on the left and stopped in his room to briefly place the jacket on his bed. He didn’t want to admit that he had needed a second away from everyone to take a breath. All the people, even if they were his friends, and the juice mixed with his nervousness about Akaashi, was making his heart beat faster than a racehorse. 

He swears he was only in there for a minute, but when he came back out, the guys had somehow already coerced Akaashi into playing stack cup. 

“Yo Bo, your boy is way better at this game than you are!” Ojiro yelled. He watched as Akaashi bounced the ball into his cup before the person to his left could, slamming his cup inside of theirs, causing Yaku to glare and grab a cup from the middle to chug. Yaku had said he wanted to get Akaashi drunk, not the other way around. 

“Well let’s see about that, can I jump in?”

They made room for him on Akaashi’s right. Their arms brushing against each other’s slightly. Bokuto felt a shiver go through his body. 

The cup came around the circle and Bokuto easily made it before sliding the cup to Akaashi. Yaku placed the second cup in front of Bokuto when he got it in on his first try. 

“Don’t even think about it, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto grinned, “Sorry, no one’s safe.” He was about to perfectly bounce the ball into his cup when he felt his body get slammed. 

_Did Akaashi just push him_? The rest of the guys hollered, nodding their head in approval. 

They were both still trying to make their shots while trying to throw the other off balance, Akaashi using his entire body to try and box out Bokuto.

But alas, Bokuto got his ball in the cup first and slammed it inside of Akaashi’s. 

Everyone booed as Akaashi just smirked and took a cup from the center, raising it in salute to Bokuto. 

He watched as Akaashi downed the cup, a bit of the liquid dribbling down his Adams apple. The game continued on until the stack of cups was up to their chests and only one cup was left in the middle. It came down to Akaashi and Yaku.

Akaashi won. 

“I surrender!” Yaku yelled as he bowed to Akaashi. He scrunched his face as he had to drink the last remaining cup. It was the center cup that everyone poured a little bit of every alcohol they had into. 

Any worry that Bokuto had about Akaashi fitting in was gone. His teammates loved him as they patted his back and handed him another cup of juice, Atsumu complimenting his ability to push Bokuto around. 

“Someone’s gotta keep him in line, right?” He joked. 

Atsumu laughed, “And I think you’re just the one to do it!”

They started talking about how Akaashi knows Kenma and helps with his songs. 

Bokuto came over and wrapped his arm around the man’s waist, he perked a bit when he felt him move in closer. 

“Did you do the violin on ‘Shatter Me’ too?” Atsumu asked.

Kenma answered for him, he had his shirt on backwards. “Basically any track I do that has raw instruments is Akaashi. He even sometimes helps with the mixes themselves. He was better at house tech than I was in college.” He followed their gazes to his shirt and shrugged, “I lost in beer pong. House rules.”

Realization struck Atsumu, “Ah yes. They got me on it one time and I had to sing ‘I Feel Pretty’ from the balcony.” He clarified for Akaashi, “If the winners don’t do any reracks then they can dare the losers do something. They can either take the dare or do a shot.”

“You used to make EDM?” Bokuto stared at Akaashi, still on what Kenma mentioned. 

Akaashi felt hot. He didn’t know if it was the amount he drank so quickly, or being so close to Bokuto’s firm body, or that he just hated any kudos.

He nodded, “But we all did. We had classes in pretty much every genre and had to make songs for almost all of them. You choose a specialization after second year though so I didn’t do it as much as Kenma.”

“Except for your senior thesis,” Kenma pointed out. “One our class’s final project was to switch genres with someone. Akaashi and I partnered up so he made an entire EDM album and I did orchestral.”

“You made an orchestra album?” Kuro came in behind Kenma, squeezing him. “Now _that_ I need to hear. Probably so lovely.”

“It was actually pretty bad.”

Everyone stared at Akaashi. They busted out laughing - even Kenma had a slight grin. 

“I never said I was as good as Akaashi. He was the most versatile in our entire program. Could pick up any genre as easily as riding a bike.”

“Lies. Now you’re just making shit up.”

“I still have some of your songs, don’t make me pull them up.”

Akaashi look horrified. Bokuto felt him tense so he nudged him, “Hey, you wanna get another drink?”

Grateful for the change of topic, he nodded and held Bokuto’s hand as he led them to the counter. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “I promise I’m not a stick in the mud.”

Bokuto laughed, “Trust me, I never thought you were a stick in the mud. Did you see how intense you got during stack cup? Not gonna lie, I was a little turned on.”

It was probably the alcohol that gave Bokuto the courage to say something so bold, but when he saw the slight red appear on Akaashi’s cheeks, he wanted nothing more than to keep cooing at the man. 

“But I’m curious, did you always want to be a musician? I know you played volleyball in high school, when did you decide to do music?”

Akaashi shook his head lightly, he took a huge gulp of the tart blue drink Bokuto handed him. “I actually don’t want to be a musician.” Bokuto looked confused.

_Rightly so,_ Akaashi thought. He was lightly buzzed so he should’ve been clearer. “I actually want to be a conductor. The person who leads the orchestra.” He added when he saw Bokuto was still confused. 

“Oh, wow. So you’d basically be like the coach then! So why don’t you do that?”

Akaashi smiled sadly, “Unfortunately there’s a lot more politics in music than you think. It really is all about who you know. I’m more qualified than the guy my age that acts as our conductor’s understudy but the guy’s uncle is from the same prefecture as our conductor so he pulled some strings and here we are! Three years dedicated to the NSO with nowhere to go.” 

Akaashi took a breath. He had never really told anyone how distressed he was about the situation. And only Suga and his Sensei really knew about his desire to be a conductor. If some of the members in the orchestra found out, it would do him more harm than good. 

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, his face pressed into a hard chest. The hand at his back rubbed soothing circles. “I’m sorry Akaashi,” Bokuto whispered. “I’m sure one day you’ll get to live your dream.”

He pulled back. The excitement on his face tugged at Akaashi’s heart, “And I hope I’m there to see it!” 

Akaashi was definitely feeling the drink. 

But he also knew that even if he was completely sober he would want Bokuto with all his heart. If anything, he was glad he had the courage to bring Bokuto’s head down to his level so that he could finally connect their lips. He felt Bokuto sigh into his lips. Both of them had wanted nothing more the entire night than to do this. Akaashi felt a tongue graze slightly across his bottom lip, silently asking for permission to enter. 

Akaashi opened his mouth. Bokuto’s tongue darted inside, brushing against Akaashi’s as he slid his hands down - they stayed resting on Akaashi’s ass, not daring to go any farther. 

Until he heard a slight moan come from the shorter boy’s lips.

He groaned lightly before squeezing slightly and pulling them closer, Bokuto’s back hit the island with the drinks on it. 

He could vaguely hear the hoots of his teammates but they were at the back of his mind as he held Akaashi in his arms, the other’s hands clinging to the back of his head as he pressed their mouths together. 

Fuck jungle juice. 

  
  


Shatter Me

<https://youtu.be/Wsysh9VWEv0>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my favorite chapter to write so far!! But for real, A) drink responsibly, and B) I had a lot of fun reliving my college days writing this party scene.
> 
> Song that Atsumu mentions Akaashi helping with is "Shatter Me" by Lindsey Sterling (the absolute QUEEN of pop violinists). Hope you guys get some good music recommendations after this fic.
> 
> PSA: Rating goes up next chapter *spicy*
> 
> Also: shout out to CheCheCheer for offering to be a beta reader, it's people like you that restore my faith in humanity.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	7. Trumpets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically just smut so if that's not your thing I highly suggest skipping reading this chapter.

They could’ve been making out for half an hour, they could’ve only just been breathing in each other’s scents for five minutes. Neither one was keeping track of time. 

Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s heart thumping in his chest, the musician’s long fingers gripped into spiked hair not bothering if he was messing it up. He pulled the panting man’s head back gently by his hair, giving him access to his strong jaw, peppering it with kisses along the bone. 

“Kaashi...” Bokuto managed to whisper out, “Not in front of everyone.”

Warm lips smirked across his jaw before moving up to whisper in his ear, “Interesting,” Akaashi breathed, “I thought you would be into that sort of thing.” He smirked. 

A groan left Bokuto’s lips as he looked at the man in front of him. Akaashi’s lips were already slightly swollen and his eyes were wide. He moved his face back down, barely caressing Akaashi’s lips, softly saying, “As much as I like my team, I don’t want to share you with them.”

_But it wouldn't hurt continuing kissing since they've already started_ , he reasoned. He crashed their lips together again, hands running up Akaashi’s green crew neck and feeling his slim waist. He heard Akaashi gasp when he pressed his crotch into his leg. The sound vibrated in Bokuto's ears, it was enough to flip a switch in his head. 

Arms dropping from Akaashi’s back, he instead grabbed one of his hands and pulled him through the people still partying and out of the kitchen. Akaashi was barely able to keep up as they made the left down the hallway before Bokuto opened a door at the end and pulled him inside. 

Akaashi’s back hit the door, Bokuto's body encasing around him as lips immediately started sucking on his neck. He felt the teeth grazing his skin, “Ah, wa-wait,” he gasped. 

Bokuto brought his head up, concern flooding his eyes, “Sorry, not good? Too much?”

“N-no!” Akaashi couldn’t look him in the eyes, “It’s good I just…I have rehearsal tomorrow so could you not leave any marks for my conductor to see?”

Bokuto smirked, “So non-visible marks are fair play?” Raven hair shook slightly in a nod. 

The taller boy pushed their bodies closer together, slotting his thigh in between Akaashi’s legs, pressing in further.

A breathy moan sounded right in his ear, his thigh could feel Akaashi's growing desire as he carefully continued grinding into him. He kissed down Akaashi’s throat, lingering on his collarbone exposed by his shirt sliding sideways. His tongue darted out to rub over the already red mark that started to form. The sight of the mark caused Bokuto’s head to go haywire, it stood out so nicely against Akaashi’s pale skin. Bokuto wanted to feel every inch of Akaashi’s body with his lips.

Akaashi’s hands were running up and down the muscles of Bokuto’s back, feeling them pulse powerfully with every movement. His hands came up to grab onto Bokuto’s biceps as he was suddenly lifted off the ground. 

“Bokuto-san!”

“Drop the honorifics, Akaashi.” Bokuto growled into his neck as he gently placed the man down on the bed, brushing off the items he felt stuck under his knee. His left hand rested on Akaashi’s hip, pressing his thumb into the muscle above it. He shifted his other hand to slightly caress the tent that had started to form.

He felt the body underneath him tense. Bokuto immediately stopped, keeping his weight on his hands as he looked at the flushed face beneath him. “Ok?” He asked.

The hesitation on Akaashi’s face had him pulling away but was stopped when Akaashi’s hands came up to grab his shirt. “I’m-I’m ok I just...”

Bokuto brushed the black hair from his eyes, gently whispering, “What is it?”

There was a moment of silence where Akaashi was biting his lip, clearly at odds with the situation. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to sleep with you yet...” 

Bokuto’s heart clenched. Never did he want Akaashi to do something he wasn’t ready for - that was the last thing he wanted. It wasn’t his place to question so he just smiled softly and nodded his head, mind running crazy trying to figure out how to rectify the situation. He slowly made to get off of Akaashi when he was pushed onto his back. Akaashi was strong for a musician.

“Akaashi?” He asked, eyebrows raised and eyes wide. 

“Just because I don’t want to have sex yet doesn’t mean we can’t do anything else.” Akaashi was straddling him, his hands running up and down the thighs below him. He brushed over the stiffness in Bokuto’s pants. 

He groaned, “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“You haven’t even seen anything yet.” Akaashi smiled as he lowered his lips down to the other’s face. Bokuto eagerly returned the kiss. His hands gripped the side of Akaashi’s face while those devilish hands continued their playing up and down Bokuto’s body. 

Akaashi nudged him to lift up, he grabbed the end of Bokuto’s t-shirt and pulled it off, tossing it over the bed. His own shirt quickly joined pile as Bokuto hurriedly did the same. 

Skin on skin and Bokuto thought he was going to burst. Akaashi was so _warm_. Their chests heaving with one another as Akaashi rocked back and forth on Bokuto’s crotch. 

The sight of Akaashi straddling him, breath coming out ragged as moonlight streamed in from the windows was too much. Bokuto moaned, he gingerly thrusted his hips up.

“Impatient?” Akaashi teased, his fingers dipped into the waistband of Bokuto’s jeans. Akaashi didn’t miss the slight nod he managed to make.

Bokuto didn’t blink once as he watched Akaashi slowly undo the button and pull down the zipper. Once he felt the release at his waist, he lifted his hips a bit to help him remove the jeans. The pressure on his lap alleviated as Akaashi cautiously got up and off the bed, the loss of friction already causing Bokuto whimper.

He watched as the lithe body turned away to take off his own pants, the smooth canvas of Akaashi’s back was too enticing as Bokuto felt himself shifting to sit up and kiss right beneath his shoulder blades. He let his lips linger a moment, sucking more deep red spots before Akaashi turned around swiftly. 

Akaashi’s eyes were darker than Bokuto had ever seen them. 

Fuck, did they turn him on. 

Akaashi pushed Bokuto back down so he was lying flat on the bed, not breaking eye contact as he slowly knelt down on top of him again. He sprinkled open mouth kisses up and down the buff torso, savoring how fit Bokuto was, as he made his way agonizingly slow down to Bokuto’s hip bones. Taking a moment to nibble on them slightly, he pressed his hand into Bokuto’s barely clothed cock. 

“Ah, Akaashi,” he huffed. 

Akaashi smirked against Bokuto’s hip. “So impatient,” he repeated. 

He wouldn’t let Bokuto know that he was just as eager. 

The waist band of Bokuto’s boxers slowly came down his hips, finally freeing his erection. 

Akaashi had had sex before, granted not a lot, but he still had experience. Bokuto was bigger than he’s been with before. 

That didn’t stop him from lowering down and kissing the base of the cock with barely a caress of his lips. Warm air escaped his mouth as he softly blew up the length. 

Bokuto was biting his lip to prevent from groaning, clutching the bed spread. But he lost it when Akaashi gently placed his lips over the head of his cock and sucked oh so lightly. 

“Ungh,” he jumped, hands automatically going to grip the black hair on the head below him. 

The length of his cock slowly went further into Akaashi’s mouth, his lips firmly wrapped around the outer edges as his tongue caressed all around the width. 

Akaashi’s right hand was pressed into the muscled V of Bokuto’s waist, stopping him from grinding into his mouth, as his left hand came to grip at the base of the cock. 

He slowly sped up, alternating from bobbing his head in quick jerks to coming almost to a complete stop, sucking hard without letting his teeth touch. 

Bokuto was panting hard now, his chest heaving from watching Akaashi go down on him. “So good,” he croaked. “You’re so good at this Kaashi.”

Vibrations from the humming around his cock made him tighten his grip in Akaashi's hair, pushing slightly to increase the speed. 

Akaashi took more of the shaft in his mouth. In the back of his mind, he preened at being able to make Bokuto this effected when he knew he could do even more. If there’s one thing playing a bunch of wind instruments does, it makes you extremely talented with your lips. 

Saliva pooled around his mouth, he used it to glide all the way down, the head of Bokuto’s cock hitting the back of his throat. 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto’s hips bucked up, slightly gagging the man. 

Akaashi looked up through the hair that had fallen into his eyes. The seductive look hit right down to Bokuto’s core, he forced himself not to cum yet even as the pressure built up.

Their eyes stayed locked as Bokuto watched lips touch all the way to where his erection met his crotch. The mouth lingered there, Akaashi relishing in the feeling of his throat expanding around Bokuto’s cock. Bokuto let out a grunt, saving the image to memory. 

Akaashi started moving again, urging his throat to relax as he continued deep throating. He focused on breathing through his nose as he felt the veins throbbing throughout the cock in his mouth, pulsing against his lips and tongue. 

He moved faster. 

“Yess, ungh.”

His mouth started to make plopping noises from the saliva. 

Bokuto brushed the hair out of Akaashi’s eyes, grunting as the pace picked up. 

Akaashi slipped his own cock out of his boxers.

“Yeah, Kaashi, just like that. So good, soo good.”

His grip still lay on Akaashi’s head, not daring to use any more pressure that may cause him to hurt Akaashi’s throat. 

Akaashi’s hand pumped his own erection in the same rhythm of his mouth bobbing up and down. Watching Akaashi jerk himself off as he sucked on Bokuto's cock was straight out of Bokuto's wildest fantasy, but it felt _even better_ than he could've imagined.

“‘M close, ugh I’m so close.”

It didn’t surprise Akaashi that Bokuto was vocal in bed. And it didn’t bother him in the slightest, the verbal affirmations only turned Akaashi on more as he gripped his own cock tighter with each pump. Knowing that he was the reason for the moans coming out of this gorgeous man’s mouth caused his dick to throb.

Akaashi swirled his tongue around the cock in his mouth, his tongue licking the slit at the head, his left hand pumping what he couldn’t fit, right hand eagerly jerking himself. 

He sucked hard and unforgivingly. 

A firm twist of his left hand had Bokuto bucking vigorously into Akaashi’s mouth. 

“AH, ah Akaashi! Yes, yes I’m gonna, I’m cummi-“

He came partway in Akaashi’s mouth, his bucking causing the cock to slip out as the rest of his cum landed on Akaashi’s face. 

The act had Akaashi cumming in between them, gasping out what he could of Bokuto’s name before only choked noises were heard. 

The room was filled with soft panting, both their chests heaving. Bokuto leaned forward to wrap his arms around Akaashi as he stayed straddling his waist, foreheads lightly touching. 

Once their heart rates calmed down, Bokuto motioned for Akaashi to stay put, unraveling his arms and gently lifting the boy off of him. 

He quickly returned with a towel. Kneeling down on the floor in front of Akaashi, he gently wiped at the cum that had landed on his face. He took the man’s hands in his, admiring his long fingers before drying off what was a mixture of both their semen. Wiping off the white streaks that were on his chest, Bokuto tossed the soiled towel into the hamper once he was done and slowly moved to kneel back down in front of the younger man.

Cupping Akaashi’s face, he brushed at the red that had creeped up on his cheeks, bringing their faces together and kissing his lips with such reverence that Akaashi felt his heart skip a beat. Leave it to that to be what gets Akaashi embarrassed when he just had the man’s cock in his mouth. 

“You’re amazing,” Bokuto whispered against his lips, “That was amazing.”

Akaashi hummed in agreement, pressing their lips together again. 

They slowly laid back down, Akaashi’s head tucked into the crook of Bokuto’s neck as Bokuto brought him closer to his chest. 

“You can thank years of trumpet playing for the way I can move my mouth.”

Bokuto laughed, grinning as he said, “Thank God for the trumpet then.”

Akaashi chucked softly with him, admiring the light tone in the air. He didn’t feel awkward at all even after what just happened, a sensation that Akaashi wasn’t used to feeling.

Bokuto’s hand was making invisible circles on Akaashi’s arm, “What song were you playing on the piano when I was in there that day?”

Smiling slightly, Akaashi whispered, “What made you even think of that?”

He felt Bokuto shrug. “Every time I’m with you it’s like listening to my favorite song on repeat.” He paused to search for the right words. “You make my chest swell, and not in the bad way, in the ‘wow I just feel so happy’ type of way. And full of life. And I can’t help but think about how I felt like that the second I heard you play. Your music allowed me to get out my head.”

Akaashi was stunned. Never had anyone ever said such a compliment to him. He leaned up and kissed Bokuto again, mumbling against his lips, “It’s a piece that I've been working on for a while, it doesn't really have a name yet.”

“Will it be part of the orchestra’s concerts?”

Akaashi shook his head, “No, that’s a piece that I tend to just play for myself...it’s, um, not really in the NSO’s wheelhouse.”

“Mmmm,” Bokuto smiled against his lips, “Well I think that’s my new favorite song.”

Chuckling, Akaashi moved his head back down to rest on his shoulder.

“Will you stay the night?” 

Bokuto felt the frown that pressed into his neck, there was a hesitation before he heard, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t. I have early rehearsal tomorrow. The practice hall is closer to my apartment so it makes more sense to leave from there.”

Bokuto nodded against Akaashi’s hair, humming ok. 

There was a beat of silence before Akaashi broke it, “Are you mad that I’m not?”

Bokuto’s eyes widened, his body immediately shifting to be able to properly look Akaashi in the eyes, “How could I be mad at you? I would never force you to do something. Do I want nothing more than to sleep with you in my arms? Yes. Am I mad that you’re thinking ahead and doing what’s best for you? Absolutely not. Never.” His eyes were burning. Whether with annoyance or determination, Akaashi couldn’t really tell. But he did feel better. 

“Besides, I admire your ability to be a real adult. You’re such a great role model, Akaaasshiii,” Bokuto continued, squeezing him as he said it.

Akaashi lowered his eyes before giving a slight grin. He wasn’t ready to tell Bokuto that part of the reason he couldn’t stay was that he didn’t do well with sleeping in foreign places. The thought made his heart race every time and he never falls asleep properly - if he even falls asleep at all. 

Bokuto’s lip pressed into his forehead, “I’m just glad you came over tonight.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I did too,” he whispered. 

They stayed cuddling for a while, Bokuto running his hands through Akaashi’s dark curling hair, Akaashi swirling his fingers on Bokuto’s pecs. They were content in their silence, basking in each other’s presence before Akaashi mumbled he should go. 

They slowly dressed, the process taking a lot longer as Bokuto kept wrapping his arms around the other and kissing him. 

Once dressed, they walked to the front door, quietly making their way through the hallway and living room where the majority of the team was passed out in positions that would definitely leave them aching in the morning. 

They stood outside the door for a moment, Akaashi gripping the front of Bokuto’s volleyball t-shirt as he kissed all along the taller man’s neck before planting a firm kiss on his lips. 

Bokuto groaned, whispering into his mouth, “Thank God for the trumpet.”

Akaashi laughed and wished him a good night, heading home with a permanent grin. 

Maybe he’ll practice trumpet tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats* oof man I don't write smut so I hope this wasn't a cringe read for y'all. Sorry for the kind of tease on them not going all the way, but precious Akaashi just isn't ready. #Consent
> 
> It's also super weird coming back to this chapter because I've written like six chapters ahead, weird man thinking about where this will go.
> 
> The piece that Akaashi has been working on (even though it doesn't have a name) sounds like Ludovico Einaudi's Nefeli. SUCH a gorgeous song. It will most likely be making an appearance again at some point in this fic, just not sure when yet but go listen to it. 
> 
> Let me know y'alls thoughts and if I should just quit while I'm ahead an never write smut again.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	8. Concerts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t have to know any of the technical aspects of music for Bokuto to know that all the pieces the orchestra went through were significantly difficult in ability, and to be completely enraptured throughout.

The vibration of his phone receiving a call pulled Bokuto out of his deep sleep. 

His head was pounding, the effects of all the alcohol finally caught up to him as he groggily lifted his head and reached over to his phone on the night stand. 

His heart skipped when he saw Akaashi’s name on the screen. 

“Hello?” He croaked, his throat parched.

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi sounded out of breath, his words coming out in a hurry, “I’m so sorry to wake you so early especially when I know you don’t have practice, but I didn’t really know what else to do because I really need the key and I don’t have time to stop by your place-”

Bokuto rubbed his eyes to wipe the sleep off, “Woah, woah, Kaashi slow down. What do you need?” 

He heard a sigh through the phone, “I forgot my jacket at your apartment last night. I had stopped by the rehearsal hall before going to the party to drop my violin in my locker but now the key to my locker is in the pocket of my jacket and I need to fill in for a flute later and my flute is in the locker.”

Making a quick mental note of the never ending list of instruments Akaashi plays, Bokuto leaned over his bed. He saw the discarded jacket on his floor partway under the bed. He must’ve flung it off in the middle of them...

Bokuto’s face flushed as he remembered last night, grateful that Akaashi couldn’t see. 

“Bokuto-san?”

“Ah, sorry, yeah I found your jacket. I can bring it by you if that helps?”

Akaashi gave a sigh of relief, “I would really appreciate that. I’m so sorry to put you out of your way.”

“Don’t be! It’s probably my fault anyway.” He snickered. “I got a little too excited and must’ve kicked it off.”

There was a pause before, “It wasn’t top priority on my mind either,” was whispered into the phone. 

Bokuto beamed. “Oh yeah? Something happen to distract you?”

“Yeah making sure I beat you in stack cup.”

“Maybe next time you actually will!” Bokuto laughed. “It’s really no problem. I’ll get changed real quickly and drop it off. Could you text me the address again?”

“Yes! Absolutely.” Bokuto heard Akaashi’s name being called on the other end. “Ah, I’ve got to go. Thank you again, I’ll owe you one.”

He quickly hung up before Bokuto could respond that getting to see him again was payment enough. 

————————-

After a quick shower and a tumultuous time of convincing himself to ‘take the damn train by himself’, Bokuto stood outside the same glass doors that he went through to seek refuge from the rain.

If only he had known that walking through these doors would present himself with an angel. 

He opened the door and took a few steps into the lobby.

There were a lot more people here today than there were last time. Musicians carrying various instruments: trumpets, clarinets, saxophones, were walking through the bright lobby. A few people were sitting on the grey couches looking over sheet music. You could hear a lot more sounds than a piano as scales were heard from the rehearsal rooms. 

“You must be Bokuto-kun.”

The man in question turned slightly to his right. He recognized the person as the grey haired man he had seen that first day. They held out their hand, “I’m Suga. Akaashi got held up in section rehearsal so he asked me to come meet you. So you’re the mystery man!” He said, grinning. 

Bokuto took his hand, there were a lot more callouses on his than Akaashi’s, “I suppose that’s me.” But even as he said it, his chest fluttered at the idea of Akaashi talking about him. “Nice to meet one of Akaashi’s friends. You play here?”

Suga nodded, “I’m first chair violin. Akaashi was actually the first person I met here so we’re really close. You can follow me.”

Cocking his head, Bokuto followed Suga down the hallway to the right. He thought he would just hand Akaashi’s jacket over but didn’t argue, not like he had anywhere to be. 

“The orchestra breaks out into groups for small practices on new pieces before coming back together,” Suga explained. “Everyone’s finished up except for the wind section who is unfortunately hogging Akaashi.” He pouted. 

Bokuto had a questioning look on his face as he tried to follow along so Suga clarified, “We usually rotate which section practices with the piano since it can’t be moved and Akaashi can accompany any instrument. The clarinets have been so off so our conductor is really grilling into them today. Hence, why they get to practice with Akaashi.”

Bokuto sucked everything in. He knew Akaashi was good at what he did but he didn’t know just _how_ _necessary_ he was. It sounded like Akaashi did more than just play a few instruments. He couldn’t help but feel a bit proud. 

They stopped at a large double door. Suga placed a finger on his lips, gesturing to be quiet. He opened the door when he saw Bokuto nod. 

Music poured in as it opened and they stepped through. 

It was like getting hit with a tsunami. 

While Bokuto heard Akaashi play through the walls that first day, this was his first time actually seeing him in action. 

The band was on a stage, the two men entering down through the doors where audience seats were. Akaashi was breathtaking. His hands were running up and down the keys as he accompanied the wind instruments in a lyrical piece. Akaashi’s upper body slightly swayed with his movements as his fingers pushed down the keys. Bokuto’s ears went red when he remembered those same hands on his body just last night. 

“No!” The conductor yelled. The playing halted. “Clarinets. It is not Allegro, it is Adagio! Please, stop wasting our time. Get it right on the next one and you can take a break.”

They started again. Bokuto had no idea what the band leader was looking for, he was too engrossed in watching a certain pianist, but this time around seemed to satisfy him. He called out for everyone to be back on stage in five. 

“Thank you, five!” The members called out. 

He looked over at Suga. “Oh, it’s basically to acknowledge that we heard,” he explained as he held his hand up and waved. 

Looking at where he was waving, he saw Akaashi notice them and pause, a slight smile and blush on his face as he moved to the stairs on the right side of the stage. 

They met him halfway. 

“Someone order a jacket, with a key on the side?” He joked, hoping to ease some of the awkwardness for Akaashi. 

“Thank you so much, Bokuto-san. I would’ve been screwed without it. And I see you’ve met Suga, sorry I couldn’t come get you myself, duty called.”

“No problem! Suga explained everything. Plus, it was kinda cool to see you up there playing.”

Suga cut in, “Then you’re probably excited for the concert, huh! He’s coming, right Akaashi?”

Akaashi’s face froze. “I uh…I didn’t know if, I hadn’t asked-”

“Are you serious?!” Suga sighed exasperatingly. “I told you to tell him weeks ago! Bokuto-kun, there’s a concert being held downtown in two weeks. It’s technically a fundraiser for the symphony but you’ll get to see Akaashi play! Will you come?”

Bokuto’s eyes went wide. Of course he would want to go, but did Akaashi want him to? Why didn’t he ask him? Did he embarrass him?

“Would you like to come, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked, looking down. 

Smiling, Bokuto responded, “I would love to, Akaashi.”

He saw Akaashi release the breath he was holding. Was he worried Bokuto wouldn’t want to go?

“I’ll talk to Kiyoko about reserving you a spot.”

“Suga-san, do you have any rosin I could use?” A girl holding a violin came up to ask. 

The violinist nodded, “I’ll grab some. It was nice meeting you Bokuto! I’ll see you at the concert!” He waved before walking up the stage stairs. 

Bokuto put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I don’t have to come if you don’t want me to.” He stared at the boy in front of him. 

Shaking his head, Akaashi said, “No I-I would really like if you came. I just know it’s a lot to ask and you have such a busy schedule and that it’s not really your scene-”

“Akaashi. I’ll be there.”

The musician just stared at him, eyes wide. He was about to respond when the conductor tapped on his stand. 

“I’ve got to get back to rehearsal. Thanks for this,” he said, gesturing to the jacket in his hands, “I’ll talk to you later?”

Bokuto nodded, he started to turn to head back when he felt Akaashi’s hand on his arm stopping him. Akaashi went up on his toes a bit and kissed him on the cheek. 

“See ya,” he whispered. 

Bokuto’s face was brighter than a tomato. He touched his cheek and smiled before saying bye and walking back up to the exit. 

So far, he has yet to leave this rehearsal hall without his heart bursting out of his chest.

———————————-

They got coffee the next day at the spot that was slowly turning into _their_ place and Akaashi gave him the details. He got increasingly more and more embarrassed as Bokuto told him how hot he looked on stage. 

“Imagine what I felt watching you play volleyball.”

It was Bokuto’s turn to get flustered. 

They went out to dinner the next day after that, too. 

And went to the park later on in the week. 

Every time, they would do their best to hold back their urges, but one of them would always give in and couldn’t stop themselves from kissing the other. 

Each kiss was like fire on their lips. 

Everything felt so easy when they were together. Sure, Bokuto still freaked out every time he was getting ready to go, but it’s been way less as they hung out more. Now, he got anxious if they hadn’t gone out in more than a day. 

But he couldn’t help but feel like he liked Akaashi more than the other liked him.

Kuro actually did hit him this time when he kept staring off during practice. 

“You need to focus or else you’re going to get benched,” his roommate said as they cleaned up after practice. 

Bokuto huffed. “I’m just confused now.”

That had Kuro stopping from picking up the loose volleyballs. “About what?”

“Akaashi.” The wing spiker sighed. “Every time we hang out, it’s great! But then there are times when we’re texting he goes a bit quiet and responses get a bit short. Sometimes he doesn’t answer when I know he’s just at home?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. One moment I’m aching for him or me to make it official and the other moment I feel like he doesn’t want this.”

They picked up the final balls and walked into the locker room. Kuro patted Bokuto’s back, “Maybe he’s just in awe of your stardom.”

Bokuto glared at him. 

The middle blocker put his hands up in surrender, “I’m kidding. Look, everyone’s always nervous at this stage in a relationship. It’s been, what, two months now of constant talking? This is like the tipping point. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be the one to ask and he’s thinking the same thing about you.”

He hadn’t really thought of that. Bokuto knew _he_ was an anxious mess but was Akaashi just better at hiding everything?

Nodding, he relaxed his shoulders a bit before getting ready to shower. 

“Thanks, Kuro. Owe you another one.”

“You owe me two actually for going to the concert with you.” Kuro winked. 

That’s fair. Bokuto wanted more than anything to support Akaashi, but he also didn’t want to go by himself and risk embarrassing himself. So he had casually slipped it into the conversation that Kenma and Kuro didn’t have plans for that night. Bokuto could tell that Akaashi knew exactly what he was doing, but was grateful when he just went along and offered to reserve them tickets as well. 

“Yeah well, technically you’re still making up for that time in Sweden.”

“I told you it’s not my fault, I was just standing there when the mailbox exploded!”

——————————

Saturday night, the three boys were getting ready in the apartment of 4B. 

Bokuto took a deep breath, looking into the mirror. 

He had worn suits before, his mother was constantly having parties and his father was a businessman with a pension for country clubs, but this is the first time he willingly donned the slate black suit and tie. His hair wasn’t nearly as spiked as he usually styled it, opting to look a little more put together for his boyfriend’s performance. 

_Boyfriend?_

_They weren’t dating yet, right?_

But, they had been basically spending all their free time together....and they talked on the phone at night before going to bed? How do people actually start dating? How does one ask? Or if he did ask and Akaashi already thought they were, then he would just look like an idiot. 

He slapped his cheeks. 

“Stop. Over. Thinking.” He said to himself in the mirror. His eyes caught on his dresser. Lying on its side, still wrapped in the plastic, were the flowers he bought for Akaashi. But now he was debating taking them. 

It wasn’t that he thought Akaashi wouldn’t appreciate them, he just didn’t want to overwhelm him. Bokuto saw how conflicted he looked even asking him to go to the concert, he didn’t want the poor man having to not only greet his boyfriend-but-not-boyfriend afterwards but also having even more attention brought to him with the bright white roses. 

Bokuto decided he knew Akaashi well enough by now to know that he would want something like that done in private. There were only a few times that Akaashi liked to be pampered and show major displays of affection. It never stopped him from holding Bokuto’s hand in public though, that much he could handle and he knew how much Bokuto liked it. 

They compromised for each other unknowingly, doing things for the other just to bring a smile to their face. 

“Bo, you ready?” Kuro called from the kitchen.

He took one more deep breath in the mirror before grabbing his keys and phone off the dresser, leaving the roses where they were. 

———————-

The performance hall was huge. Much bigger than the mediocre building the musicians practice in. 

All the lights outside the tall building were on, flood lights aimed towards the sky as they scanned the side of the building, the golden embellishments of the eaves glittering as the streams of lights passed over. 

And Bokuto thought the gyms for the Olympics were intimidating. 

Hordes of people were entering the building through the various doors up top the steps. Ladies were dressed in sweeping gowns, men smoked cigars before going inside, even what small amount of children that were there weren’t running around - they were probably more mature than Bokuto. 

Bokuto suddenly felt very out of place. His breath started to hitch as more and more people kept moving pass to enter the building. His palms started to sweat. This was a terrible idea.

His upper body started twisting to turn around before he felt hands take each of his arms, forcing him to stay put. 

Kenma looked up at him, hand firmly grasping his left bicep, “You’ll be fine Bokuto. You don’t have to talk to any of these people. You just have to sit and listen to Akaashi play. You want to do that, right?”

The frozen man simply nodded. Kuro spoke from his right, “And we’ll be right with you. You’re not gonna get lost. Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. They started to urge him forward, the only way to get his legs to move was if he focused on Akaashi’s smile. He can do this. If not for himself, then for Akaashi. Akaashi whose heart is bigger than the ocean and more golden than the sun. Traits that the musician seemed to share only with Bokuto. 

They reached the doors. Akaashi had told them that their tickets would be at will call. Pushing through the slight crowd of people in the lobby, Kuro gently guided the group to the window. 

“Hiya, we’re picking up three tickets. Should be under Akaashi Keiji.” Kuro stood at the front and spoke for them to the lady behind the window. 

“Ah, you’re Akaashi-kun’s friends. I’m Kiyoko, I handle the orchestra member’s schedules and house manage their concerts.”

Bokuto glanced over Kuro’s shoulder. Sure enough, he saw the same girl that Suga was talking to that first day. He gave a slight wave. 

“I actually sat you next to one of his friend’s boyfriend. He should already be sitting.” She smiled, “I figured it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to beforehand.”

Kuro took the tickets she held out, “Thanks, that was really thoughtful!”

“No problem. Enjoy the show!”

They had about 45 minutes until the show. Kuro thought it was best Bokuto calmed his nerves, even though he wasn’t the one performing, so they grabbed a quick beer before finding their seats. 

The usher led them to the main level. The audience seats were angled down towards the stage, there was an upper level that wrapped around the walls with private booths on the ends. The whole place looked straight out of a palace. Their seats were midway up the main level, close to the center line. 

A dark haired man was sitting down on the left of the three empty seats. Kuro sat down next to the stranger while Bokuto sat in the middle of him and Kenma - the other two boys knowing that Bokuto would bolt if he was sitting next to someone unknown. 

The man glanced up and nodded at them as they sat down before quickly doing a double take. 

“Kuro??” He questioned. 

“Daichi!” Kuro exclaimed. 

They did their best at hugging one another while in their seats, the people in front of them glaring as they let out laughs. 

“What the hell are you doing here? Never in a million years would I expect to see _the_ Kuro at a freaking symphony concert.”

Kuro leaned back so that he could point at Bokuto, “This one here is talking to one of the members.”

“Yo, Bokuto?? And Kenma. No shit, it’s great to see you guys,” he said as he gave a fist bump to Bokuto and a wave down to Kenma. 

“We haven’t seen you since, what, high school playoffs?” Bokuto asked. 

“You mean when y’all whooped our asses?” Daichi chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”

“What have you been doing these days?” Kenma leaned in to ask. 

Daichi shrugged, “I didn’t continue volleyball after high school which was disappointing. But now I’m a police officer for the Tokyo precinct.”

“Damn, Dai, I knew those muscles would come in handy.” Kuro grinned, “Look at you defending the city.”

“Says the one who’s a professional athlete and is bulked as hell.”

The middle blocker merely waved it off. “So then, what are _you_ doing here?”

Daichi’s face flushed. “Ah, my boyfriend’s in the orchestra.”

“How long have you been dating?”

Daichi looked up as he calculated in his head. “About two years? We met when he moved here to play for this orchestra. He auditioned just as a regular violinist and worked his way up to first chair,” he said proudly. 

Bokuto shot forward, “You’re dating Suga?!”

Daichi startled, “Um, yes? Why, do you know him?”

“I met him when I came to drop something off for Akaashi! He’s great!”

Recognition flashed on Daichi’s face, “Ah, you’re Akaashi’s new guy! Suga told me he had started talking to someone. Never thought it would be you though. How’d that happened?”

The lights overhead dimmed before Bokuto got a chance to respond. Daichi signaled that they’ll talk after. 

The curtains to the stage slid open. 

The orchestra started walking onto the stage, various members of different ages started to find their seats as a choir filled in behind them on the elevated risers. Bokuto’s heart fluttered as he saw a certain pianist walk over to the bench. The tails of Akaashi’s tux draped over the seat as he situated his sheet music. The other instruments were playing different notes on their instruments, a concoction of music sounded throughout.

As the conductor walked out on the stage, they slowly stopped as he paused midway and bowed to the audience. He stepped up onto the box in the center of the group and gave a slight nod to Akaashi. 

Akaashi played a simple chord on the piano. The flutes joined in first, tuning to the sound as the clarinets followed suit, and then the saxophones, the trumpets, tubas, and so forth. 

After a minute, the conductor silenced them. There was a moment of silence as he held his hands up, frozen. He swiftly waved the baton to set a pace and just as quickly, the band came in on a hard staccato as the notes to Beethoven’s "Symphony Number 5" started to play.

He didn’t have to know any of the technical aspects of music for Bokuto to know that all the pieces the orchestra went through were significantly difficult in ability, and to be completely enraptured throughout. Some of the pieces were serene lullabies, the violin’s strings resonating off the walls. Some of the pieces were wild and robust with the tubas blaring strong foundations. The hands flying across the keys of the piano were mesmerizing, the push and pull of the songs made the minutes pass by in seconds. 

Akaashi’s solos did it for him though. 

Anytime the sounds of the piano pinged over the rest of the band it felt as if he was playing directly to Bokuto, he couldn’t take his eyes off the sight. Each note rang deep in his bones, the lull of the music playing its own film in Bokuto’s head. His heart swelled as the intonation between all the instruments reverberated in the air. Bokuto felt a tear escape as the choir came in, the build of the crescendo hitting at the peak of the piece.

Watching the pianist pour all his emotion into what he was playing, being able to see how captivated the audience was with him, Bokuto couldn’t look away.

He wanted the concert to never end.

He wanted this state of captivation to never leave.

He wanted to listen to Akaashi’s music forever.

  
  


[Beethoven’s 5th Symphony](https://youtu.be/_4IRMYuE1hI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day earlier than planned because I am completely blown away by the response this is getting. I'm so honored that you all are reading this!
> 
> This was a fun chapter to write as well, I definitely relate more to Akaashi and anytime I hit one of the scenes with the orchestra my heart just soars.
> 
> Fingers crossed that all this happiness stays put for them though, yeah? ;)
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	9. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto was left still half dressed, siting on his bed, trying to figure out what he did wrong.
> 
> He didn’t even register that Akaashi had left the honorific off his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 102 people have left kudos on this fic?? 102 PEOPLE!!! #suhblessed Thanks you lovely people!!

A third of the audience had waited once the concert was over to catch a glimpse of the musicians or to wait for their loved ones. 

They were waiting by one of the bars when Bokuto saw an arm wrap around Daichi’s waist. 

“Babe, you made it!” Suga exclaimed, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

Daichi took the violin that was in Suga’s other hand, kissing his cheek. “Of course I did, wouldn’t miss it.”

“Hmm,” Suga hummed, “I thought you said the guys were teasing you about it.”

“I can put up with a bit of teasing if it means I get an excuse to stare at you.” Suga blushed. 

“Daichi, can you tell your boyfriend to stop trying to make me laugh during performances? Yasufumi-san would have our heads if he saw.” Akaashi came up from behind the two, immediately going to stand next to Bokuto. 

“Aw, come on Akaashi, that old crow can’t touch us, he would be lost if he didn’t have us.”

Akaashi chuckled and looked towards the rest of them, “Thanks for coming guys.” He turned a bit more towards Bokuto, averting his eyes as he asked, “I hope you all weren’t too bored?”

“Bored?!” Bokuto exclaimed, causing the lady next to them to jump, she shot them a glare as she checked if she spilt wine on her coat. “Akaashi, you were fantastic! Ah, you were too Suga I just mean, I just meant,” he huffed the air out of his mouth, “Wow.”

“I think what he’s trying to say is we weren’t bored and it was great,” Kuro supplied for them. 

Akaashi grinned and looked up at Bokuto, “I’m glad you liked it.”

The taller man couldn’t help himself as he wrapped an arm around the pianist’s shoulders and placed a kiss on his forehead. He went to remove his arm and was only slightly pleased when Akaashi grabbed it halfway and held it in his right hand. 

“I take it you all met Daichi?” He asked. 

“Yeah, about seven years ago,” Kuro chuckled. “We all played against his volleyball team in high school,” he added when he saw Akaashi cock his head. 

“But we haven’t met Suga-san,” Kenma said, reaching his hand out to the man. “I’m Kenma. This is Kuro.”

Suga shook his hand, “Nice to meet you, so tell me any and all embarrassing stories you know about Daichi.”

“Suga!”

“What? I’m not gonna beat around the bush. Give me something to harass him with.” For someone who looked so angelic, the smile Suga was sporting looked pure devilish.

A short man peaked his head into the group, “I hope I’m not interrupting, I just wanted to congratulate Akaashi and Suga on an excellent performance.”

_He looked familiar_ , Bokuto thought.

“Ah, thank you, Sensei Takahiro.” Akaashi answered. Suga bowed his head in thanks as well. “Although, the Vivaldi piece wouldn’t have been nearly as successful without you to practice with me.”

The elder man waved him off, “You’re too modest, Akaashi.” He leaned into the small circle more, waving a finger, “You have more talent in your little pinky than I do in my entire body. I’ll be damned if I don’t see you lead your own orchestra soon.”

Akaashi blushed, “I’ve still got a lot to learn, Sensei.”

“Oh pshaw, you could take Goshiki’s place any day. I have it in my right mind to go chew Yasufumi out for even letting the kid run rehearsals.”

Suga laughed, “That’s my sentiment exactly, Sensei Takahiro! I have to catch you up on what exercises he tried to give the violins last rehearsal. I glared so hard he nearly burned the papers in his hands right there!”

The teacher scoffed, “The little brat can’t tell the difference between a De Capo and a Del Sagno.”

“Shhh, Sensei not so loud,” Akaashi urged.

“Who’s going to say something to me?” He smirked. “Let them, I’ll tell them where to shove it!” He scanned the rest of the group as he chuckled before landing on Bokuto. His eyes squinted, “Now, I may be old and senile at some points but I know for a fact that I recognize you from somewhere.”

Bokuto smiled before nodding. “You gave me some advice about checking the weather before leaving the house. I should be thanking you for offering me shelter inside the music hall, it gave me more than just a reprieve from the rain.”

Takahiro grinned as he looked at his student’s hand intertwined with the taller man’s. “Ah, looks like fate _wanted_ you to be without an umbrella!” He pointed at Akaashi, “You got yourself a good one here. Never had a better student. Anything he composes is better than the classics.”

“Sensei, come on-”

“It’s true! You know that any piece of yours that I bring to CCS the players jump at it.”

Akaashi’s ears went red as he told the group, “Sensei Takahiro conducts the Capital City Symphony. Talk about jumping, he’s the absolute greatest conductor, he’s even won numerous awards for his interpretation of pieces. When the call went out that he was looking to take on a student I jumped at the chance. His ensemble is elite.”

The teacher waved it off, “The CCS is only an amateur group.”

Akaashi’s eyes narrowed, “You say that as if you didn’t turn down the chance to lead a professional group.”

He smiled, “Another piece of sound advice from an old folk like me - trust your gut and your heart. The professional group I was offered to lead was filled with terrible people. The music would’ve meant nothing if it wasn’t coming from people that I loved and believed in with whole heart.”

He clasped Akaashi’s shoulder, “Alright you young snappers, on that note, I’ll let you get back to it. Fantastic as always.” He kissed his fingers before giving a slight nod to everyone and walking off.

Kuro let out a low whistle, “Damn, I like your Sensei, Akaashi. He seems like my kinda dude!”

“He has definitely always stuck with his opinion. If you’re on his good side you’re golden, but the second you piss him off, oh he’ll never forget it,” Akaashi said.

“And you are definitely his favorite Akaashi, so no need to worry there.” Suga chuckled, gripping a little closer to Daichi, “Now seriously, best most embarrassing Daichi story. Go.”

Kuro laughed, “Oh, we have a bunch to spill about the captain. That could take some time though, you all want to go grab something to eat?”

They all agreed and left the hall to find a restaurant. Bokuto still gripped Akaashi’s hand tightly in his as they walked a few paces behind the others. 

“You did so amazing, Kaashi.” Bokuto beamed at him. “It was so cool watching you. The way you played was just, ugh, breathtaking.” He squeezed their hands, “And you look really good in that tux.”

The comment had Akaashi loosening the bow tie he was wearing, the back of his neck heating at the comment. “It’s not fair of you to say that with the way you fill out that suit.”

“But the way you were up there commanding the stage?” Bokuto leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Just thinking about it makes me wanna rip those clothes right off you.” 

He felt Akaashi shiver as he kissed below his ear, lingering a second longer as his breath tickled his neck. 

“Bokuto-san....” Akaashi sighed out. “You can’t do that when we have to sit through a dinner now.”

“Oh, I have ways of speeding it up. We could skip the entire thing right now?” But even as he said it, they both heard his stomach growl. Bokuto’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment. 

Akaashi smirked and placed his hands on his checks, rubbing his thumbs over the red before kissing his nose. “Food first, yeah?”

Bokuto nodded as they caught up with the two couples. They settled on a family owned restaurant that had spoiled them silly when they saw how nicely they were dressed. The mother dotting on how handsome they all looked before placing more food on the table than they could eat. 

Bokuto kept purposefully brushing his hand on Akaashi’s knee, slowly bringing it higher and higher. They were more than ready to get out of there once they paid the bill. 

They parted ways with Daichi and Suga, promising to all hang out again soon. Kuro and Kenma were whispering to themselves before they stopped at the street that ran into their apartment. 

“Alright, we’re gonna see you guys later,” Kuro said, pulling his boyfriend in the opposite direction of his and Bokuto’s apartment. 

“You guys running an errand?” Bokuto asked. 

“Nah, Hinata’s at Kageyama’s so we figured we were safe to stay there.” Kuro responded, the slight cat grin on his face had Bokuto flushing only slightly before he waved them off and started pulling Akaashi towards the now empty apartment. 

It didn’t take them long for their hands to be all over one another. Bokuto sucked on Akaashi’s necked as the elevator took them to the fourth floor, Akaashi let out stifled moans as he tried to contain himself. 

When the doors opened, Bokuto backed them out, never breaking contact as he guided them to his front door. 

It took a second for him to properly get the key in the lock as Akaashi ground his hips into Bokuto’s ass, his hands grabbing at his dress shirt beneath the black suit jacket. 

Bokuto groaned at the contact as he finally swung the door opened. He wasted no time in picking Akaashi up and carrying him to his room as he kicked the door shut with his foot. 

He placed Akaashi on the bed, Bokuto's feet still on the floor as he leaned over to kiss the musician. Akaashi pulled him closer by his suit collar, angling his hips up to rub his growing erection against Bokuto’s. 

“Mmmm,” Bokuto moaned into Akaashi’s mouth. “God I want you so badly.”

It was Akaashi’s turn to moan as the volleyball player brought his mouth down to suck on the spot right where his neck met his collarbone. 

Hands pushed Bokuto’s torso back as Akaashi raised up, eagerly removing Bokuto’s jacket before he fumbled to get his own off. 

Bokuto pulled Akaashi’s dress shirt out of his pants as Akaashi did the same to his. It took some time, they kept interrupting themselves by becoming distracted with kissing the other, but they finally discarded each other of their clothes. 

Bokuto stared down at Akaashi as he pressed their bodies together. 

“Do-do you, are you...” Bokuto trailed off, controlling himself from bucking his hips into Akaashi’s as their bare cocks slightly brushed up one another’s. 

Akaashi bit his lip, staring down at their leaking cocks before glancing up into golden eyes. “I don’t think I’m ready, not yet...um I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-ugh!”

He was cut off as Bokuto thrusted forward and rubbed their cocks together. Bokuto gasped, grinding out, “I don’t need to be inside of you to make us both feel good.” 

Akaashi’s response was lost in his throat as Bokuto’s pace picked up, the friction creating the perfect pressure as their breaths started to become shallower. Akaashi’s nails dug into the muscles of Bokuto’s back, causing the man to let out a deep moan. 

“Fuck, Akaashi. Even just like this unghh, you feel so good.” He emphasized the last words with a harder thrust, speeding his hips up as he held onto Akaashi’s waist. 

“Bo-Bokuto-san, ah, yes, god yesss.” Akaashi chanted right into Bokuto’s ears with every movement, leaving marks all over his back as he gripped harder and harder as the tension built. 

_What was better music to his ears?_ Bokuto thought. _Akaashi’s piano playing or his moaning?_ He didn’t get to hear it the last time they had gone this far because Akaashi’s mouth was a little…preoccupied.

Akaashi was bucking his hips in time with Bokuto’s. 

Bokuto reached down and took both their cocks in one hand, adding a bit of pressure as his thrusts started to become more erratic. 

“Ah god, Kaashi I’m- oohh fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer.”

“Me neither,” Akaashi huffed. He pressed harder into Bokuto. “Gah ah yes, yes! Keep going!”

Bokuto squeezed his hand. “BOKUTO!” Akaashi screamed as he came. His cum shooting up in between them, covering his stomach as Bokuto continued to thrust his hips. The sight of his cock covered in Akaashi’s cum caused him to jerk unevenly and release, moaning as his cum mixed in with Akaashi’s. 

He slumped against Akaashi, not caring about making more of a mess. 

He settled his breathing as he placed sweat kisses to Akaashi’s shoulder. 

Slowly getting off of the smaller boy, he grabbed a towel and wiped them both down. 

“God damn Akaashi, I can’t get enough of you,.” Bokuto said as he leaned in to kiss him. 

Akaashi smiled into his lips. “Neither can I, Bokuto-san.”

“Still with the honorifics, geez.”

Akaashi laughed as he slowly got off the bed to find his discarded boxers. He threw Bokuto’s to him as his found the other’s first, then quickly donned his own and pulled on the white undershirt he had had on under his dress shirt. He climbed back onto the bed, Bokuto reaching out his arms to wrap him up as he leaned against the headboard. 

Bokuto rested his head on Akaashi’s, smelling the faint scent of his musky shampoo. The soft hairs tickled his nose. 

Akaashi’s fingers were running up and down Bokuto’s chest. 

They chatted a few minutes about the concert, Bokuto telling Akaashi which songs he liked best, Akaashi laughing softly at his descriptions and at what he thought the names were. They soon fell into a comfortable silence. 

Bokuto felt like he was on top of the world. 

Akaashi was smiling into his chest - until he felt Bokuto trace the slight raised patch of skin on the side of his rib.

“Where’d you get this scar from?” Bokuto asked.

He was able to brush his fingers against it two more times before Akaashi pulled away.

“It’s nothing, just an accident when I was younger.” Akaashi got off the bed. “I should get going. Gotta give a piano lesson tomorrow morning.”

Bokuto pouted, “You sure you don’t want to stay over? I can drive you in the morning, it’s no problem.”

Akaashi was already almost done redressing, he held his tux jacket in his hands, gesturing to it as he said, “Can’t show up dressed in a tux, don’t think Mrs. Nakamura would appreciate it.”

“I can give you some clothes to wear, we aren’t that far off in siz-”

“Bokuto. I just need to go home. Ok?”

The blood was rushing through his ears as Bokuto sat numbly on the bed. He gave a coarse nod as he watched Akaashi straighten his clothes.

“I’m-I’m sorry, it’s just…” Akaashi stopped. He didn’t know how to explain it even if he could. “I’ll talk to you later.” He opened the bedroom door and showed himself out.

Bokuto was left still half dressed, siting on his bed, trying to figure out what he did wrong.

He didn’t even register that Akaashi had left the honorific off his name.

The flowers he had bought laid as they were on the dresser.

\--------------------------

Akaashi entered his studio apartment and slumped against the door, sliding down to the floor.

What was wrong with him?

Here he was with this great guy, someone who quite literally worshiped the ground he walked on, and he can’t even bring himself to fully commit.

Bokuto was amazing! He spoiled Akaashi with treats (even when he said not to), he has never once made Akaashi feel pressured, Akaashi has so much fun with him.

So why was he still hesitating?

Why couldn’t he just go with the flow and be spontaneous and comprehend that some people might actually take an interest in his life and not just use him?

But what if Bokuto does use him?

What if he gets too close only to be hurt again?

That pain is the most excruciating feeling - he recalled memories of crying himself to sleep at night, tears streaming down his face as he choked on sobs, the agony of being trapped with his never ending thoughts. Akaashi thought that he would be stuck sinking in that despair forever. He wouldn’t wish that type of heartbreak on his worst enemy. Unless, maybe, the one who originally caused the heartbreak to begin with.

Maybe he was just better off alone. No one to disappoint that way. Except himself of course. But Akaashi had years of experience never living up to his own expectations. He had gotten used to it. Living up to _other_ people’s expectations of him? That, he will never be able to achieve.

The irony was _he knew_ that Bokuto had anxious tendencies, yet the man overcame them. Akaashi was repeatedly astonished as to how well Bokuto adapted to having Akaashi in his life. Why couldn't Akaashi do the same?

He slowly got up. The moonlight was streaming in from the windows that made up the entire eastern wall. He poured himself some water, gulping the liquid quickly before placing the cup next to the sink. Akaashi gripped the counter.

_Why couldn’t he just be normal?_

Everyone else seems to have no problem connecting with people, going out and having fun without worrying about every little thing.

Akaashi just wished he could turn his brain off every now and then.

This wasn’t living.

Too many times he has called out of social events because he was too nervous about what other people thought of him. He never liked to cause a scene. Never liked to put people out of their way. Never liked to ask people for help.

_Did he even try to fight for a chance to conduct?_

Groaning, he slowly shed his clothes and replaced them with his pajamas before climbing into the large bed in the corner.

_Was he even trying with Bokuto?_

Sure, Bokuto knows his favorite foods now and the book he’ll always reread no matter what, but why hasn’t he told him anything that goes beyond surface level? Why couldn’t he tell him how he actually got that scar?

There was no way someone like him deserved a ray of sunshine like Bokuto. Everything the man did set Akaashi’s heart on fire. How could he ever compare to that? Akaashi has so many pitfalls, so many reasons for someone to walk away.

No.

_Just shut up._

_Shut. Up._

Bokuto was worth the risk, right?

He turned over and let out a long scream into his pillow.

See.

This.

Relationships scared him to death.

He's not normal.

Bokuto deserves someone better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be dramatic or anything but I would literally die for Sensei Takahiro. I live and breathe by sassy, old, OCs.  
> Sorry for any Goshiki lovers but he seemed liked the easiest one to throw into that spot sooo no hard feelings to him.  
> 
> 
> Happy Birthday JayJaay! Sorry it ended on a bit of angst but it had to happen. hopefully the bit of smut made up for it?
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	10. Vinyl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “One hundred percent, he knew that he wanted to have someone to rely on at some point in his life. The only problem was that he also truly believed that he was not worthy of anyone. Especially Bokuto."

Akaashi woke up earlier than he wanted to, especially considering how exhausted he was. He could tell by the early light streaming in through the windows that it was well before when he had to go to his lesson. But once he was up, he was up.

He glanced at his phone. 

He had three missed calls from Bokuto and five text messages from him.

**From Bokuto-san**

_I’m sorry if I did something to upset you_

**From Bokuto-san**

_I hope you got home safely_

**From Bokuto-san**

_Can we meet up tomorrow?_

**From Bokuto-san**

_You really played fantastic tonight…._

**From Bokuto-san**

_I’m sorry if I’m annoying I just really want to make sure we’re ok…._

Akaashi bit his lip. As much as he was still trying to come to terms with the fact that someone like Bokuto would want him, he can’t deny that he was completely smitten with him and that the man deserved an explanation.

But he also knew himself well enough to know when he was starting to panic. And panic was the last thing he wanted. He quickly sent a text back.

**To Bokuto-san**

_We’re ok. I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly. I don’t think I can meet up today but maybe tomorrow?_

He got out of bed and put on coffee, turning on his record player as he waited for it to brew. The sounds of Kevin Morby’s ‘Cut Me Down’ played throughout the apartment as he shuffled over to the baby grand piano that sat opposite to the bed. It was his most prized possession and he had spent years of working odd jobs on top of his work to pay for school saving up for it. The reason he wanted to live alone in a studio was that it gave him privacy to practice and the space to fit the piano.

He noted the humidity level that the hygrometer was reading and altered the room humidifier he had so that the water in the air was balanced for the piano.

Sheet music was splayed everywhere. Music for their upcoming concert was thrown on the long window ledge. Hand drawn drafts of compositions he did for his Sensei were piled on the floor by one of the piano legs. His unfinished symphony sat against the music rest, scribbles and slashes of pencil marks everywhere. He sighed. The whole motif was off. Somehow, nothing fit together anymore even though he hadn’t changed much. He had a feeling his Sensei was going to suggest just starting over. 

He has written pieces before, some his Sensei had even had his own band play. But this, this piece was meant to be his opus. A piece that was meant to portray a bit of his soul out for everyone to hear. This piece was meant to take an audience member on a journey, something for them to escape the harsh realities of the world. Everybody needed a second where they can just lose themselves, only to be found once again as the lights came back on in the theatre. 

None of the pieces his Sensei had played of his were as emotionally taxing as this. He loved those pieces, don’t get him wrong, but it also still stands that none of those pieces he had yet to get into the repertoire of the NSO. He can add that along to his list of hopeless goals.

The coffee maker dinged that it was ready. Mixing in a tad of cream, he took it back over to the piano. The needle of the record player stopped as the vinyl came to its close. 

There were few things that calmed Akaashi down. One: being curled up with a book while it rained. Two: the electric charge to the air right before a concert or game. And the third: the complete immersion of playing a song that his muscles knew by memory. 

Considering that the first two choices weren’t available, Akaashi took the third option.

Because if there was anything that would help him try to relax his nerves as he came to terms with his feelings, it would be the sweet melodies of the music that’s never abandoned him.

\--------------------------------

The weights dropped down heavier than he meant to. Placing his hands on his hips to catch his breath, he did his best to keep his mind off of Akaashi. But Bokuto couldn’t help but remember how quickly he ran off the other night. 

What if Akaashi suddenly realized that Bokuto wasn’t worth his time?

It’s not like Bokuto went around listening to classical music, the rock music blasting through his headphones made that clear. Or that he was anywhere near Akaashi’s level of sophistication and knowledge - the mere idea of learning even _one_ instrument was overwhelming for Bokuto.

He bent back down to lift the weights up. He was definitely pushing his personal record on the deadlifts but he couldn’t help it – the burn of his muscles was the only thing that kept him from thinking about everything he could’ve done differently.

He should’ve been more assertive - maybe Akaashi had finally gotten over how insecure Bokuto is. Apparently, no one liked it when he acted too immature.

The weights crashed down again.

“Yo Bo, what are you trying to do, break the ground? Chill,” Kuro grunted out from the leg press machine.

Bokuto wiped the sweat off his forehead. Akaashi had ended up getting called in to fill in for a trumpet and they didn’t get together as he had said in his text two days after their…fight? Could it be called a fight when they weren’t even dating? The musician repeated his apology multiple times, but it still didn’t convince Bokuto that he wasn’t avoiding hm.

This was just like Terushima all over again.

For the rest of his workout, he pushed himself to the brink. He would be sore as hell tomorrow but he didn’t care. That pain was nothing compared to the turmoil his heart was going through.

The sound of a text message coming through to his phone didn’t go off until he was eating dinner with Kuro later that night.

**From Akaashi**

_Are you free tomorrow night after practice?_

Putting the fork down, Bokuto sighed. Was this where Akaashi finally broke it off? At least he had the decency to actually tell him and not ghost him.

He typed back that he could meet up. It took a good ten minutes before a response came, the gap not doing anything to help the onslaught of possibilities that rushed through his head.

**From Akaashi**

_Want to come over to my place? We could watch a movie?_

Bokuto paused. He hadn’t been over to his place yet. No one would invite somebody over to their apartment if they didn’t want to see them again afterwards, right?

A voice spoke over his shoulder, “You should go. I’m tired of seeing you pout" Kuro said as he leaned over and read the text.

He pulled the phone away, “Dude, private conversation? And personal space?”

“Oh, _now_ you don’t want me to read your texts. And says the one who literally jumps on me anytime I’m on the couch.”

“Yeah but you _can’t_ _help_ but love me, I’m like a puppy. You’re like one of those asshole cats that pushes cups off the counter for no reason.”

Kuro frowned. His hand came up and swiped the fork off the table. Bokuto pouted. “You’re right. And I’ll keep annoying you until you properly talk with him,” his roommate said.

Bokuto groaned. Leave it to Kuro to annoy him by loving him too much. He wrote back to Akaashi.

**To Akaashi**

_Sure. Address? I usually get out by 7._

\-------------------------

Akaashi had felt terrible about not being able to see Bokuto before now. He didn’t want to leave such heavy air between them but he couldn’t help his job. He practically strangled someone when Kiyoko called to ask if he could fill in.

_Did anyone in the orchestra actually do their job or just him?_

But now he was more nervous about what Bokuto would think about his apartment.

He couldn’t help but think about the professional volleyball player’s two bedroom apartment with stainless steel equipment and hardwood floors, the private balcony and large living room and gorgeous modern kitchen - how could his studio apartment compare?

Akaashi had always loved his little apartment. The exposed brick walls helped to prevent sound from his instruments being heard in other apartments, the windows all along the east wall allowed for the perfect amount of light to filter in. He didn’t need more than the small kitchen that was open to the rest of the room, his quaint living area was enough to sit next to the piano and hold a decent sized TV and couch. Sure, he didn’t have the greatest view – an old movie theater building that wasn’t used anymore was across the wide street from him. But it was all his. His own space. This was all he needed.

But he could see how it could look a little rundown compared to new, contemporary buildings like the one Bokuto lives in.

The counters had been wiped down three times now, he had vacuumed twice, made sure that his bathroom didn’t have any marks of toothpaste on the sink, the entire apartment was cleaner than when they first built the place.

It didn’t help calm his nerves.

He had spent the past few days digging deep into himself. One hundred percent, he knew that he wanted to have someone to rely on at some point in his life. The only problem was that he also truly believed that he was not worthy of anyone. Especially Bokuto.

But he would never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try, even if it was too good to be true. He could handle this right now. What they had at the moment was exactly the amount that Akaashi could handle. 

As long as Bokuto still wanted to talk to him after what he did.

He was straightening up the sheet music on the piano when he heard the knock. Shuffling the music into a small pile, he braced himself and walked over to open the door. Bokuto held up a bag.

“I didn’t know if you had already ate but I figured I would bring over snacks.”

Akaashi smiled, “You didn’t have to do that Bokuto-san, but thank you.” He gestured for him to come inside.

There was an awkward moment of silence in which they spent unloading the various goods Bokuto had brought onto the small island.

“I’m sorr-”

“I shouldn’t have-”

They paused, both boys making a slight grin. Akaashi straightened up.

“I’m so sorry, Bokuto-san. I want you to know that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that I’m honestly so ashamed as to what happened.” He gripped the counter and looked down. “You didn’t deserve me running off like that and I just want you to know that I really do like you, I just…”

Bokuto hesitantly placed his hand on top of Akaashi’s. “Hey,” he said softly, “It’s ok. I was more concerned that I did something to hurt you because please for the love of God, Akaashi, that’s the last thing I want to do.” When he realized that Akaashi didn’t pull away, he gripped tighter onto his long fingers. “The idea of hurting you is worse than the thought of never playing volleyball again. Someone who cares enough about others like you do doesn’t deserve to get hurt.”

The nerves in Akaashi’s chest went haywire. His chest concaved at the idea of this strong and loving man being so upfront about caring for _Akaashi_ of all people. He never thought it was possible.

So many times he had given his blood and effort to help people, only to be disregarded when he needed those most.

“I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries,” Bokuto said, his voice low, “Your story is your own to tell. You tell it when you’re ready.”

A slight burn started to form behind Akaashi’s eyes, he willed himself not to cry. “Thank you,” he whispered, “I’m glad you came over.” Akaashi gripped a little tighter onto their clasped hands.

The warmth of Bokuto’s smile caused his skin to prickle. “I am too.”

They took the snacks over to the small table that sat in front of the TV. Settling onto the couch, they picked a random movie on Netflix to watch. The movie didn’t get very far before Bokuto started to become disinterested and began rubbing his hand absentmindedly on Akaashi’s arm.

“Were you practicing earlier?”

Glancing over to the piano where Bokuto was looking, he nodded slightly. “Just some pieces for our next performance. Nothing that I haven’t played before though.”

Bokuto hummed against his cheek. “I don’t suppose you’d play for me?”

Akaashi felt his face pull down in hesitation. Playing one on one for someone was much different than playing for a concert that someone just happened to be at.

“It’s ok if not,” Bokuto spoke for him, “You just always seem to feel more at ease when music’s involved.” He glanced down at him, “I just want to see you happy.”

Movie be damned, Akaashi was more enraptured by Bokuto’s eyes burning into his soul than by whatever actress was in the middle of trying to get the guy to fall in love with her.

“Well,” Akaashi mused, “There is something that could meet in the middle then.”

Bokuto’s eyebrows raised in question. Slowly moving the arm that was slung over his shoulder, Akaashi got up from the couch and made his way to the record player. He scanned his collection, looking for the album he had in mind.

Once he found it, he took it out of the sleeve and placed it on the turn table. Moving the needle so that it rested just barely on the disk, he turned back to Bokuto as the notes to The Righteous Brothers’ ‘Unchained Melody’ began to play throughout the apartment.

“Will you dance with me?” He asked, holding his hands up.

He saw Bokuto visibly gulp, “Of course.”

Bokuto took Akaashi’s hands in his, relishing in the warmth and feel after having been apart for what felt like eternity.

Hesitation had them both standing at arm’s length before Bokuto finally pulled Akaashi in closer by his waist. His hand stayed resting there as his left hand clasped Akaashi’s right.

The soft sounds of Unchained Melody twinkled through the space, the two men swayed slowly to the rhythm as the words enveloped them.

‘Oh, my love, my darling,

I’ve hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time.’ 

Akaashi leaned in closer, resting his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. He felt the taller man lay his cheek on his temple. 

It was astonishing that such a simple act had Akaashi so at peace. He felt safe right now - there was no burden, no pressure to be someone he’s not. The hand that was resting on Bokuto’s shoulder squeezed just a tad at the thought. Bokuto cried out.

“I’m sorry!” Akaashi rushed out, “Did you not like this, I shouldn’t have thought that this would be ok-“

Rubbing slightly at his shoulder, Bokuto huffed out, “No-no! It’s ok ah, I’m sorry, I’m just a little sore from the gym yesterday. I pushed myself a little too hard.” He paused, glancing away a little. “I don’t – I don’t think that I could really _do_ anything else tonight though,” he said with a slight blush.

Akaashi’s cheeks reddened at his implication, “That’s ok. You just being here is enough.”

Bokuto smiled.

He gently pulled Akaashi back in, his voice low as he said, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t keep holding you like this.”

They stayed swaying to the music as the record played its course. Akaashi kept his smile buried in the crook of Bokuto’s neck.

Akaashi took it back, he didn’t truly love his apartment until this moment.

Now, his apartment felt complete.

  
  


[Cut Me Down](https://youtu.be/_H1aw0WdaFg)

[Unchained Melody](https://youtu.be/qiiyq2xrSI0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi's apartment is low key my dream - give me bricks and no roommate any day.
> 
> Question: Do you all ever go and listen to the songs that I mention in chapters/notes? Imma still do it any way but I was just curious if y'all have ever listened to them during or after reading a chapter and think 'hm, yeah, definitely.'
> 
> I thrive off kudos and comments so leave me whatever emotion y'all are feeling right now.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	11. PowerAde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The slight red on his face from the exertion made his eyes more vibrant, the wide open mouth smile he was sporting made Bokuto want to make the man laugh forever."

Akaashi groaned as his alarm went off.

Last night, he drank a little too much after their band had finished playing at a bar. They hadn’t been able to get together and play in a while because of their orchestra schedule or some of their members being called off to play with touring groups, but they had finally found time. When their usual bar called up to see if they were available, they immediately booked it. As much as they all loved the music from the NSO, it was nice to play more modern songs and some originals. 

The raging headache he had from his hangover was not nice. 

Switching the alarm off, he slowly got off the bed, groaning has his head throbbed. He looked at the kitchen, it was probably only 20ft away but it looked like miles at the moment. Bracing his hand against the wall, he made the trek as gradually as possible until he made it to the counter. Rummaging through his kitchen cabinet for Advil, it hit him that he was meant to be going to a barbecue with the volleyball team today. Bokuto was picking him up at 11am. 

He looked at the clock again because he most definitely did not register it the last time looked at it. 

9am. 

Hopefully by the time Bokuto comes he will be more alive. 

It had been a month since Akaashi sped out of the room that night, the two men finding a balance in their relationship as they continued to get closer to one another. Spending time with the high energy man had started becoming a part of Akaashi's normal routine. He was finally feeling comfortable letting Bokuto into his life just a little bit more - but they had still yet to cross any major boundaries. Which was perfectly fine with Akaashi. Preferred it even. For now. 

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, his phone dinged with a text message. 

**From Bokuto-san**

_Hope you had fun last night! I’m sure you did great_ (＾∀＾) _See you soon!!_

Akaashi smiled, and then lightly gripped his forehead as the motion caused his head to jerk.

Bokuto was more than devastated that he wouldn’t get to see Akaashi and his band play, but his team had a practice match scheduled a few hours away and he couldn’t miss it. He lamented for hours to both his team and Akaashi about missing the musician performing, especially since Akaashi sang on some of the songs. Kuro begged Akaashi to send the annoying owl-haired man a video to get him to shut up. But Akaashi just apologized to the roommate and hoped the bus ride would go by quick for the team – he wasn’t going to send a video of something so revealing.

When Bokuto had told Akaashi that he had a scrimmage the same night, Akaashi was already trying to figure out how he could go and support him before the full statement was even out of Bokuto’s mouth. Maybe he could convince Suga to take more of a center role in the band. Or he could go through his contacts to find someone to fill in. Bokuto chucked a pillow at him and said ‘Absolutely not. You’re going to play and you’re not going to drive three hours away just for a scrimmage match.’

It was in those moments that Akaashi had to still remind himself that he was allowed to do things for himself. His happiness didn’t mean any less than someone else’s. 

It took much longer than usual, but Akaashi finally got through a shower and threw on some shorts and a t-shirt. The June air had hit hard, the heat and humidity coming in relentless. His headache had alleviated a tad but it still pounded with every slight movement.

A knock came from the door. 

Grabbing his wallet, keys, and phone, he sucked in air and braced himself to be hit with the energy of a puppy. 

But it didn’t come. 

Bokuto was standing there, tank top exposing his buff arms, holding up a PowerAde in one hand and a coffee and bagel in the other. 

“I figured you would need this,” he said quietly, smirking at the surprised look on Akaashi’s face. 

“How did you-,” he stopped. His ears felt like they were on fire as snippets of last came back to him. Specifically, attempting to call Bokuto. “Oh my god, what did I say?”

Bokuto chuckled, handing the PowerAde and bagel to Akaashi before answering. “Honestly, nothing was really coherent.” He smiled. “But I did catch, ‘miss you’, ‘tongue’, and ‘abs’?”

Akaashi’s entire face burned now. He groaned and dropped his forehead into his hands. “Ugh, I’m so embarrassed. Sorry I did that.”

A hand lifted his chin slightly, “Hey, don’t be.” Bokuto placed a tender kiss onto his lips, murmuring, “I thought it was pretty cute. And it just made me miss you more.”

He pulled away. “Now chug some of that PowerAde and eat the bagel. The last thing you want to do is to show up dead to a bunch of volleyball vultures.”

Akaashi took a huge gulp of the blue drink, “Thanks. This helps the nausea but what about dealing with Hinata’s obsession with me playing volleyball?”

“That’s what the coffee is for. There’s four shots of espresso in here. You’ll need all the energy you can get.” 

Chuckling, Akaashi thanked him again and let him inside. They caught each other up on their nights while Akaashi finished the electrolyte drink and bagel, drinking the coffee along the way as Bokuto drove them to the park. 

The team had secured a grill and a sand volleyball court. Kuro was standing at the grill with a look of concentration as the other members of the team chatted with one another. Hinata and Kageyama were tossing a ball back and forth on the court when Hinata finally saw the two men approach. 

“Akaashi-kun!!” he yelled, running over. 

Akaashi felt himself grimace slightly, his headache was only an ember now but Hinata’s peppy and loud voice didn’t help it. 

“Woah there shrimpy,” Bokuto put his hand up to stop the spiker from running full force into them. “Give him a second. Remember the morning after the game against Portugal? Yeah, that’s basically him right now.”

Face making an O, Hinata nodded and backed away slowly. Kageyama hounded him when he stepped back onto the sand.

“Come sit over here, Akaashi, I wanted to thank you for the book suggestion!” Oikawa said from one of the picnic benches. Iwaizumi groaned at his boyfriend and got up to help at the grill.

The sluggish pianist nodded in thanks and gingerly walked over to sit by the other setter. Bokuto choked when Kuro opened the lid to the grill and a cloud of smoke exited. He leaned over the grill.

“Kuro, you know it’s already dead, right?” He said, laughing. “These burgers look like rocks you cooked them so long!”

Kuro waved his arm through the haze. “Ok, you know what, this wouldn’t have happened if you were here earlier to do it.” He held the prongs out.

Bokuto shrugged, taking the prongs from his roommate. “Sorry that I had to make sure Akaashi wouldn’t throw up on the way here. You act like I haven’t resurrected you a million times before.”

Iwaizumi handed him some fresh beef patties as Bokuto tossed the burnt ones out. “Yeah, but I bet it’s more fun taking care of Akaashi. Kuro’s an asshole when he’s hungover.”

“Oh I’m sorry, am I supposed to be all flowers and sunshine when it feels like I’ve been run over by a dump truck?”

The three boys laughed. Bokuto continued to evenly spread out the patties, flipping them every so often. “I’m surprised Hinata hasn’t wrangled everyone into a game already. We all know how much he loves beach volleyball.”

“He tried to,” Iwaizumi grunted before taking a sip of his beer. “Hanamaki basically had to pry him and Kageyama off the court before deeming it off limits until after everyone ate.”

Bokuto placed a slice of cheese on some of the patties. “Surprised Oikawa wasn’t part of that attempt.”

Iwaizumi glanced over at his boyfriend, “His knee has been bothering him a little. I told him to take it easy today, so he might not play the entire time.”

Kuro clinked Iwaizumi’s bottle with his own beer, “Look at you being a caring boyfriend,” he smirked.

“More like doing my job,” the trainer huffed. “I love the guy but every once in a while I wish he would let me take care of him more.”

“That’s how I feel with Akaashi.”

The two other men stared at Bokuto. Realization had him rushing out, “No no no, not like I lov- not, ha ha you know, just that I meant-I wish he would let me help him more!” He laughed nervously.

Kuro and Iwaizumi gave each other a look, the athletic trainer inclining his head to urge Kuro to say something.

“You know, Bo,” Kuro said, placing his hand on his shoulder, “We’re all just wondering when this whole thing between you and Akaashi is going to be official. I mean, you guys basically are by now.”

Bokuto froze. He cautiously looked over to the table where the boy in question was sitting. Oikawa was speaking softly with him about the book Akaashi told him to read, the two setters were lost in their own world.

“I, um…I mean, I obviously want to I’ve just been figuring out how to ask him.” He paused. “I’m worried he might say no,” he said softly, face turned down towards the grill.

Kuro sighed. “Look man, I don’t want you to get hurt obviously, but don’t you think you guys should have that conversation at this point?”

Biting his lip, he nodded. He distracted himself by placing the done burgers on the plate and calling out that food was ready. The team rushed over to get their fill.

They were all lounging around after having finished eating before Hanamaki and Atsumu gave into Hinata’s incessant bouncing and they divided into teams for a scrimmage.

“Feeling better?” Bokuto asked Akaashi, placing his hand on his lower back.

Akaashi nodded. “Like a brand new person.”

“Good, because I’ll whip your ass here as payback for stack cup!” Yaku yelled from across the net. They laughed at the determination lit in the libero’s eyes.

Bokuto had basically forced Akaashi to finally set for him, the latter saying that he shouldn’t get his hopes up from having not played in so long but the former didn’t care.

Bokuto, Akaashi, Hinata, Hanamaki, Atsumu, and Kuro were on one side. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Yaku, Matsukawa, Sakusa, and Kageyama were on the other.

The rest of the team stood off to the side, everyone lying in the grass or drinking by the tables. Lev was arm wrestling Kogane as Ojiro refereed, Lev clearly just toying with the other. Kita was barely paying attention to either the groups at the tables or the one on the court as he laid on the grass looking at the sky.

Hinata served first. Yaku received it perfectly before Oikawa sent a toss to Iwaizumi. The spiker hit hard right into Kuro’s block. The ball crashed onto the sand. The blocker smirked.

Iwaizumi clicked his tongue. He may not be an actual player for the team but he still kept up on the same athletic level as them. _He helped strengthen Kuro’s arm too much_ , Iwaizumi thought.

“What’s wrong, Bokuto-san? We scored.” Akaashi asked.

Bokuto was pouting. “I wanna see you set.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes, the ace’s childlike antics not even affecting him anymore.

“Don’t worry, Bokuto! We’ll set up a nice play for you right here!” Hinata called out as he served the ball over the net again.

The other side slowed it down just a hair. Yaku returned it high so there was enough time for Oikawa to think through the next play. He tossed it to Sakusa, Sakusa aiming it to the right of Kuro only for Kuro and Atsumu to come together and stop the shot.

Yaku picked it up again.

Iwaizumi and Kageyama jumped at the same time as Oikawa set it to Iwaizumi. The spike went pass the blockers and towards the back of the line before Hanamaki connected it. 

“Yours, Akaashi!”

Akaashi ran under the ball.

The next play was fairly obvious, everyone knew exactly who the ball would be tossed to. Akaashi’s mind flashed to the few games he’s watched of the team, noticing how Oikawa usually tossed to Bokuto.

_Bokuto likes it high and closer to the net._

He raised his hands as the ball came down, he flicked his fingers to aim the ball to the exact point where Bokuto was jumping to. Bokuto’s hand connected to the ball with so much force that sand sprayed everywhere as he slammed it past Kageyama and into the other side.

Akaashi was holding his breath, eyes blown wide. Setting the ball felt so natural, and even better tossing to Bokuto.

“Akaashiiiii!!!”

Akaashi was afraid Bokuto would break his jaw with how large his smile was as he came running over. The taller man lifted him off the ground. “That was so good! How did you know how I like my tosses? You’re so amazing!!” He yelled.

The rest of the players couldn’t help but watch as the two not-dating-but-basically-dating men spun around. Everyone passed around a look as if to say ‘whose date is going to win the bet.’ The bet had started out as a joke but quickly turned serious once the team saw how much time the two spent together. The pot had reached an absurd amount of money and everyone joked that they were way too invested in the two’s relationship. Kuro was long out of the running, he thought they would have gotten together sooner. He had even tried to use his roommate status to put the bug in Bokuto’s ear. Now, he still did it even though he was out of the running - he wanted them to hurry it up. Right now, Kenma and Oikawa looked to be the closest with Kenma saying mid-June and Oikawa saying early July.

“Alright, are you two done?” Iwaizumi yelled. “This game isn’t over yet!”

Bokuto placed Akaashi down. “You’re just mad because you’re losing Iwaizumi!”

Huffing, Iwaizumi responded, “We’re just warming up. And did you see how many burgers Kageyama ate? It’s slowing him down. I’m in my right mind to make him run extra Monday.” Kageyama let out a squeak.

“I recall _you_ were the one who missed the first shot, Iwaizumi,” Akaashi remarked as he fixed his shirt that had become twisted during the spinning.

Oikawa started laughing, “Yes, Akaashi! Don’t let him have it easy!”

Smirking, Akaashi moved back to his spot as the other team tossed the ball back over. 

They ended up losing count as they started having more fun than actually taking it seriously. Iwaizumi swore they won, Bokuto kept saying the opposite.

Lev and Yaku somehow convinced Bokuto to cook them some more burgers and he watched from the grill as Akaashi did some tosses for Hinata.

But his heart fluttered when he saw the musician spike the ball over the top of the net.

It’s so different watching from this angle. He could see the muscles in his legs as he pushed through the sand before jumping. The gray t-shirt he was wearing flew up during the process and he could see the smooth skin of Akaashi’s abs as he came back down.

Fuck, Bokuto was in trouble.

He gave the two boys their burgers before returning to the court. They had stopped playing by now and were just sitting around on the sand talking, Atsumu commenting on Akaashi’s volleyball skills.

“Maybe you missed your calling,” he remarked.

Bokuto sat down next to Akaashi, placing his hand on his knee. “Nah, Akaashi’s music is too good. Plus, one day he’ll have his own orchestra to lead.” He smiled as he turned to the boy.

Akaashi’s face was red. Whether from playing in the heat or from the comment, Bokuto didn’t care, he wanted to kiss it all over.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here,” Akaashi said, leaning back on his hands.

“I don’t know,” Atsumu continued, “You could give Bokuto a run for his money on athleticism.”

“Oh, that’s a given,” Oikawa said.

Bokuto jumped in, “Woah, woah, woah, Akaashi’s right. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” He grinned.

“I don’t know Bokuto-san,” Akaashi smirked, “I think I could take you.”

The intensity in the man’s eyes set Bokuto’s blood rushing. “Uh huh, sure,” Bokuto mused, leaning in closer. “Prove it.”

Akaashi’s eyebrows raised, asking if he was sure. The volleyball player hummed a yes.

“Alright, you asked for it,” he shrugged before his right hand came up from behind Bokuto and dumped a handful of sand into Bokuto’s hair. The man gasped, hands flying to his head. Akaashi used both hands to knock Bokuto sideways while he was distracted trying to get the sand out. The man easily tumbled from the force. The team hollered as Akaashi sat on top of the larger boy.

Akaashi laughed, “I told you!”

Bokuto almost let him have it just so he could watch Akaashi smile longer. But he just _couldn’t_ give in, no way would he let him win. He easily bucked Akaashi off of him and they were soon rolling around in the sand trying to one up the other. It alternated between who had the upper hand, each one using whatever tactic necessary whether it was tickling, distraction, or strength. It came to a stop as they succumbed to their laughter. Bokuto’s legs were under Akaashi’s as his torso laid bent on top of the pianist’s.

Everything and everyone else melted away as Bokuto looked at Akaashi’s face. His sapphire eyes were gleaming from the tears of laughter coming out, his chest hiccupping as he tried to catch his breath. The slight red on his face from the exertion made his eyes more vibrant, the wide open mouth smile he was sporting made Bokuto want to make the man laugh forever.

Fuck.

He needed to make this man his and he needed to do it ASAP. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Top sexually charged challenge: "Prove it".
> 
> Fun fact: The last line of this chapter was actually originally slated for the end of chapter 8 but I ultimately decided it was too soon for that realization when going through editing so I moved it out to this one.
> 
> Did y'all smile while reading this like I did while writing it?
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	12. Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi felt his chest thump. He couldn’t tell if this all made him more nervous or less. But he decided to trust his heart over his head for once.

It was almost five o’clock by the time the team had packed everything up and headed their separate ways.

Bokuto held Akaashi’s hand as they walked to his car, still trying to get all the sand off him from their tussle earlier.

Kuro nodded to them once they were in the parking lot, “Hinata’s going to Kageyama’s so I’m going to go pick Kenma up from his meeting and head to his place. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow, Bo. Bye, Akaashi!”

Waving bye, they got into Bokuto’s car. Bokuto paused before turning the key. “You wanna go back to my place? We could order in from that ramen shop? Or if you have stuff to do that’s fine too, I can take you back to your place. I just figured it’s been a while since the burgers so you might be hungry but I can-”

A hand gripped his forearm. “That sounds great, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said softly.

The driver smiled. He turned on the car before taking Akaashi’s hand in his and kissing the back. He didn’t let go until he pulled up to his apartment.

Bokuto was in the middle of telling this animated story about how Atsumu had one time ended up with a rabbit after going to a tournament in Spain, when he noticed Akaashi hesitating by the open front door.

“Kaashi? You ok?”

“Ah, I’m just worried about tracking sand into your place.”

Bokuto tried to pull him inside. “It’s ok! I’ll vacuum tomorrow! It’s really fine, I promise. Look.” He shook out his tank top aggressively, Akaashi watched the sand hit the floor.

“See? It’s already dirty. Oh well. Looks like I’ll have to clean it now anyway so you might as well come in before I pick you up.”

They were at a standstill before Bokuto clicked his tongue and threw Akaashi over his shoulder.

“Bokuto-san!”

“Wow, look at all the sand that I don’t care about!”

He plopped the man on the couch, grinning as he held his body above him.

“You’re the worst.” Akaashi squinted his eyes.

Humming, Bokuto leaned down and kissed him. “Sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer to kiss you.”

The slight smile that appeared on Akaashi’s face had him connecting their lips again. Akaashi sighed. “How are you so good at everything?”

Chuckling, Bokuto got off the couch. “Says the one who somehow managed to wrestle me down!” He called out as he started looking for the takeout menus.

“Ok, but you ended up winning that too anyway.”

Bokuto waved it off. He found the menu he was looking for and returned to the couch, flopping down and pulling Akaashi over so that he was leaning on Bokuto’s chest. Handing the menu to Akaashi, he slung his left arm over Akaashi’s shoulders and used his right hand to flip the T.V on.

They watched reruns of ‘Friends’ while they ate the food they ordered. Neither one wanted to move from the other.

Bokuto was running his hands through Akaashi’s hair once they were done eating. “Sorry for all the sand in your hair,” he mumbled as he placed a kiss on the crown of Akaashi’s head.

“Ugh, yeah, sorry to you too. This is gonna be a pain to get out the longer it stays,” he grumbled.

“You can take a shower here if you want? You can use whatever you want of mine.”

He felt the body leaning against him tense. Bokuto was kicking himself for even suggesting it and was about to recall it when Akaashi’s response beat him to it. “Do you wanna shower with me?” he asked, softly.

Bokuto took a second to make sure he had heard right then eagerly responded. “Yes, _yes_. Absolutely, yes.”

He was already dragging Akaashi off the couch, causing the other to slightly laugh at his eagerness.

“Geez, slow down. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.”

He was pulled to a stop as Bokuto grabbed both his hands. “Akaashi, you don’t understand how beautiful you are, I can’t keep my hands off you. And watching you play volleyball today?” He leaned in and kissed right below his ear. “I was so turned on the entire time I was focusing intensely on not getting hard through my shorts.”

Akaashi bit his lip. “Well, it also wasn’t fair for you to wear this tank top.” He ran his hands down Bokuto’s bare arms. “I kept thinking about these wrapped around me,” he whispered.

That did it for Bokuto. He crashed their lips together, much hungrier than the kisses they had been doing earlier in the night. He guided them to the bathroom, never disconnecting their lips once as he blindly turned the shower on to warm up.

Akaashi’s back hit the sink, Bokuto easily lifted him on top of it and seated him right on the edge. The taller man moved forward to grind their crotches together.

Akaashi’s mouth opened as he moaned.

Bokuto took the chance to slide his tongue in, moving their mouths in time with him rubbing their erections together.

Hands slide under his tank top. Akaashi’s fingers left a trail of burning heat as they slid all over Bokuto’s torso, gripping onto the firm muscle by his hips to force Bokuto to press harder into him.

“Ughh, God Kaashi,” Bokuto groaned.

Akaashi pulled the tank off of Bokuto. He wrapped his legs around his waist and tugged slightly on Bokuto’s hair so the man standing would bare his neck to him.

He kissed right on Bokuto’s pressure points. By now, they had started learning what made one another tick, and Akaashi knew exactly where to kiss him. He sucked right behind his ear while pulling a little harder on his hair.

“Mmm.” Akaashi felt the vibrations that came through Bokuto’s throat.

Bokuto tugged the t-shirt off Akaashi’s head before lowering his hands down to unbutton the musician’s shorts.

He lifted the man off the counter and placed him on the ground. Akaashi slid his hands in the back of Bokuto’s pants, gripping his ass. “You have such a nice ass, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto let out a small growl, his eyes glaring. “Bo-Bokuto, I mean.”

The volleyball player had been constantly telling him to stop using the honorific with his name, especially during moments like this, he wanted Akaashi to let it go.

Pleased with the attempt, he pulled Akaashi’s pants and boxers down in one motion, bringing his hands up to his own pants as Akaashi moved back to step out of the clothes.

The sight of Akaashi standing there naked, his hard cock on full display, made Bokuto’s blood boil. He needed to worship this man, wanted to mark every inch of his body.

He pulled Akaashi into the steaming shower once he tugged his own remaining clothes off. The hot water stinging their already pulsing bodies as Bokuto gripped tightly onto Akaashi, resuming their kissing.

Nipping softly at his lower lip, Akaashi deepened their kiss once the other man opened his mouth for him to dive his tongue into. Bokuto backed Akaashi against the tiled wall, the coolness causing him to hiss.

“I love feeling you pressed up against me like this,” Bokuto whispered into his mouth.

Akaashi’s head was tilted upward, his knees bending slightly at the sensation of Bokuto’s body trapping him against the wall. The hot water caused the air to mist.

His hair was wet against his forehead as he looked up at Bokuto through the drops of water on his eyelashes. “Bokuto, please…”

Bokuto’s eyes flashed in desire. He leaned in and bit hard on Akaashi’s shoulder, sucking on it while the shorter man cried out. He raised his head and whispered right in his ear, “What do you want Akaashi…”

Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip. His hands were gripping Bokuto’s shoulders, he jerked when he felt a hand caress his cock. “Ah! Unh, pl-please...”

“What, Akaashi?”

Opening his eyes, he pressed into Bokuto’s hand, grinding out, “Touch me. More. Please.” The slight whine to his voice would have embarrassed him if he didn’t suddenly feel his body get flipped around.

“Hands on the wall, Kaashi,” Bokuto said huskily, kissing down Akaashi’s back as the man stiffly placed his palms against the wet tiles.

Bokuto ran his hands up and down the thighs in front of him, his left hand gripped around Akaashi’s waist as his right hand finally grasped the throbbing cock. He placed a kiss on the shorter man’s shoulder. Leaning in he asked, “This ok?” He pumped his hand slowly.

“Mmm, yes, God yes.”

Bokuto smiled. He loved making Akaashi moan like this. Too often, he found himself on the receiving end. They had yet to move on to any penetration but have more than once found themselves rushing to either one’s apartment after dinner dates or Saturday hangouts, eager to relieve each other of the hard-ons they caused for one another. Bokuto’s favorite thing in the world was hearing Akaashi moan his name.

He didn’t stop kissing the back of his neck, sucking deep red marks all over. The heat of the water caused the marks to sting deep in Akaashi’s muscles. Akaashi didn’t care, the feeling of Bokuto’s lips and teeth set him more on fire.

Bokuto’s hand sped up, Akaashi was taking deep breaths as he focused on all the sensations around him. He pushed his ass back into Bokuto, the taller man moaned at seeing his cock pressed slightly in between Akaashi’s ass cheeks.

“God Akaashi, look how amazing you are.” His left hand came around to grip Akaashi’s ass, massaging the muscle as he continued to pump his hand. Akaashi moaned louder, his forehead leaning against the wall.

Bokuto kept his hand on Akaashi’s hips as he lean his chest in so he pressed up against his back, rubbing his cock against the middle of Akaashi’s ass. He whispered, “That feel good?”

“Mhmm, yes.” Akaashi panted.

Bokuto felt the cock in his hand throb more as he sped up. “You like that, baby? Does it feel good when I do this?”

“Gah! Ungh yes, B-Bokuto. Ugh, yes!”

Akaashi’s voice ricocheted off the walls, the cry and pants urging Bokuto on. He gripped both hands tighter and pressed his cock harder, he could feel himself rubbing against Akaashi’s hole. He heard Akaashi’s breath start to stutter. “You wanna cum, baby? You wanna cum, Kaashi?”

The head of raven hair fell back onto Bokuto’s shoulder, his back arching slightly. “Bo-Bokuto...”

“Cum for me, Kaashi.” He bit Akaashi’s neck.

The bite combined with the pressure he applied to the boy’s cock had Akaashi shouting as he came, streams of white shooting out hard onto the tiles in front of them. He rubbed Akaashi through his high, then immediately replaced Akaashi’s cock with his own as he pumped aggressively, still holding Akaashi up. He breathed hard into the back of Akaashi’s neck, it only took a moment for him to find his own release.

They panted against one another, their bodies slick from sweat and the stream of water coming from the shower. Bokuto pushed the hair out of Akaashi’s eyes, kissing his forehead.

Akaashi hummed against him before looking up at him. “So much for getting the sand out.”

Bokuto laughed, pulling them closer to the center of the shower. “We can do that now.” He placed a swift kiss to Akaashi’s nose before grabbing the shampoo.

They took turns lathering each other’s hair, Akaashi complimenting the look of the taller man’s hair down. Said man just huffed and quickly rinsed the conditioner out.

Bokuto grabbed two towels off the shelf once they were done. Handing one to Akaashi and wrapping his around his waist, he quickly gathered their discarded clothes before they headed back to his room.

Akaashi opted to don just his boxers like the other man did, leaving the rest of his clothes scattered with Bokuto’s on the floor as Bokuto gathered him in his arms and slung him on the bed.

“Bokuto!"

“Hey, good job! See, it’s better just saying my name by itself right?” He smiled as he grabbed another towel and began to dry Akaashi’s hair. The boy just pressed his lips together in a line and leaned his chest back.

They switched places to do Bokuto’s next, Akaashi running his fingers through the un-gelled hair before Bokuto finally grabbed his hands away and pulled him so they could cuddle.

He sighed against Akaashi’s hair, marveling in the fact that this angel had his scent on him. Bokuto wanted him to always use his shampoo.

His contentment had his mind drifting back to today, he couldn’t help but think about his conversation with Kuro and Iwaizumi.

There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be with Akaashi. Nothing will make him as happy as he is when they’re together.

“Go out with me.” He finally said. 

“Ok. Where do you want to go next?”

Bokuto tilted his head, bringing his hand to lift Akaashi’s face towards him. “No, like, be official with me. Let’s date. I wanna be your boyfriend and take you on sickeningly cute dates and get to hold you like this all the time. I want to be yours.”

He brushed Akaashi’s bangs back, his heart hammering as the boy looked back at him with wide eyes, his mouth agape. Akaashi pulled out of his grasp. 

“I-I can’t. I’ve- I’ve got to go.” He scurried off the bed, rushing to look through the heap of clothes on the floor to find his pants. 

Bokuto finally came to his senses after a moment, “What? What do you mean, Akaashi, wait,” he hurried out, jumping off the bed to stop Akaashi from moving further. “Wait, wait I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bombard you I just thought that, we’ve been talking for a while now and-”

“I can’t do this right now Bokuto-san, I just, I need to leave, right now.”

He had his pants in his hands, he started to cross the room to pick up his shirt when Bokuto rushed in front of him to block him. “No, no, no wait please. Please talk to me, please!”

Bokuto saw Akaashi’s chest start to heave, his breath coming out fast as his yelled out, “I can’t talk! I can’t,” he clutched at his chest, “ _psychically_ talk. I need - I need to-to, I,” he stuttered, slightly swaying away from Bokuto as his front teeth bit down hard on his lower lip, breath still staggering. 

Bokuto’s brain flipped a switch. He slowly straightened before slightly reaching out, “Ok,” he said gently, “Ok you don’t have to talk, you want me to talk? I can talk for hours you know, I can just talk for the both of us, yeah? Just, please don’t leave right now, not like this.”

Akaashi was griping tightly into the fabric of his pants. His head bowed and his shoulders shook as he slowly slid down the back of the closed bedroom door. Bokuto took a hesitant step forward, softly sliding down next to Akaashi. 

He heard the ragged breath still coming from his left. 

A small voice croaked, “Can-can you...” 

It took a moment for Bokuto to register that Akaashi wanted to take him up on his offer to talk. Bokuto started talking about anything and everything. From what he had for breakfast that morning, to how he picked out the comforter on his bed, to talking about his sister that might be coming to visit soon. They hadn’t done much talking about one another’s families. Bokuto figured now was as good a time as ever. 

“Kira was the most badass big sister ever. She was the one that taught me to fend for myself and showed me how to ride a bike. Oh! And how to make omurice!” He smiled at the memory. “My mom, bless her, is a terrible cook. Kira did most of the cooking. She would let me stir the pots or cut up vegetables. We would always pretend we were on one of those cooking shows, you know? My dad one time actually recorded us.” 

Bokuto chuckled, taking a breath before murmuring, “She was the first person I came out to. My parents were definitely shocked, and it took some time but, Kira pointed out that I was still the same person.” He shrugged. “All the things I did and the way I acted hadn’t changed. I don’t think they would be as supportive as they are if she hadn’t had stepped in.”

He paused. Akaashi’s breathing had calmed some time ago, he could see out of the corner of his eyes as the smaller man fiddled with his hands. He wasn’t sure if he should keep going or not. He kept silent for a moment, letting the air linger. 

“My father hates that I majored in music.” Akaashi whispered. “He wanted me to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. Said that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with music and refused to pay for my schooling. I was lucky enough to get a few scholarships and worked my way through school, but even where I am today I wish he supported me. He has never seen me play.”

Bokuto kept his face forward, not daring to move an inch. 

“I’m not good at relationships, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi choked out, his throat sore from the harsh breathing. “My-my last boyfriend. He-I didn’t…I wasn’t a good enough boyfriend. I don’t know _how_ to be a boyfriend. And what we have now, what we have now I really, _really_ like. And I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Bokuto listened intently, wanting desperately to interject but knowing that he had to get this off his chest. 

“I did everything I could, I promise. I went out when he wanted, and hung out with all his friends. I missed trips to see concerts because he wanted me with him. I-I gave him a lot of my firsts. I had been with him for a long time and I th-thought he had really loved me.” He paused. “But I guess I wasn’t enough. He broke up with me anyway.”

Hearing Akaashi choke on that last line was his limit, Bokuto finally turned his head, and as compassionately yet forcible as possible said, “Control is not the same thing as love, Akaashi. You don’t give up all of yourself for someone else. You should be with someone who wants to _share_ in what you like. And support what _you_ want to do. Not someone who wants to parade you around like a puppet.”

He saw Akaashi stop fiddling with his fingers. He hoped he wasn’t too aggressive. He moved his head back to look forward. “You know, I can recognize a panic attack when I see one.”

That had Akaashi lifting his head, his teary eyes staring at Bokuto in humiliation.

Bokuto just looked back, a small grin on his face. “You really think I don’t get treated for anxiety? I’m _still_ constantly worried about embarrassing myself in front of you. And that’s not including when I’m away from you.” He nudged Akaashi’s knee a bit, “I know that you know I can’t go places by myself. I’m too worried that I’m gonna sit on the bus wrong and somebody will look at me strangely or some shit like that.”

It was silent for a second, both of them looking straight towards the bed before Akaashi finally said, “I can’t sleep well in places other than my own bed. I’m too busy thinking about the morning. ‘What if I don’t know where the bathroom is?’, ‘How will I brush my teeth?’, ‘What do I do while I wait for everyone to wake up?’”

He paused briefly before adding, “It’s not that I didn’t _want_ to all this time, it’s that I need to try and do what’s best for me.” He sighed. “Anxiety and depression. A classic musician combination. Can’t wait to see how my symphony turns out.”

Maybe it was the exhaustion hitting him, it was already about 1am, but Bokuto couldn’t help but start to laugh. Just the dead way in which Akaashi said it, he felt that pain on a deep level. It wasn’t long before Akaashi started chuckling with him. 

“I’m not going to pressure you into anything, Akaashi,” Bokuto finally said after their laughter died down. “But I just want you to know that what you went through, was not how a good relationship functions. I really hope you reconsider giving me a shot to prove it to you.”

Akaashi’s head whipped towards him, “You-you still want to date me after seeing all...that?”

“If anything it makes me want to date you more,” Bokuto reassured, boldly bringing his hand up to cup Akaashi’s face. “I don’t see you as any less than I did an hour ago.”

His heart caved at the sight of Akaashi’s slight hiccup. “Can-can we maybe just take it slow? Maybe start out with just us knowing that it’s official...until I get used to it? Is that too much to ask or weird or annoying, I get it if it is.....”

Bokuto shook his head, “That’s more than ok, Akaashi.”

Akaashi nodded. He hesitated before glancing away. “Um, I should-I should probably get going.”

Bokuto paused, his hand still on the side of Akaashi’s face, “Orrrr, and you can say no if you want. But what if you stayed and we just…didn’t sleep?”

Akaashi glared hard at him. “No no no not, ugh, not like _that_. I just meant, we can talk through all the concerns in your head about why you’re worried about staying? And then maybe next time it might be easier because you’ll know all the answers to your questions!” He smirked. “I mean, you definitely already know where the bathroom is.”

The slight chuckle he heard helped to ease his worry a bit. “That I do know.” The head in Bokuto’s hand nudged closer to his palm as Akaashi’s eyes softened, “You’d really do that?”

“Yeah! Why not!”

“Won’t you be exhausted in the morning?”

Bokuto shrugged, “I don’t have practice until later. I’ll take a midday nap.”

Akaashi felt his chest thump. He couldn’t tell if this all made him more nervous or less. But he decided to trust his heart over his head for once and nodded sure. 

They spent the next hours of the morning going over everything about the apartment: where they keep new spare toothbrushes, how to use the coffee pot, how to turn the box on for the TV, what to do if there’s a fire (that last one being one of the things Bokuto came up with to share, it wasn’t necessarily one of Akaashi’s worries, but he appreciated it nonetheless). 

And when the sun rose, and they watched the warm light slowly stream in from the balcony doors as they intertwined their legs on the couch, Akaashi thought that he was calmer in these first few hours of this new relationship than he had ever been before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's happpennnniinngg. My heart while writing this, ugh.
> 
> Another fun fact: This conversation used to be at the end of Chapter 9 but once again I thought some more time needed to pass and to torture you all in the suspense of them getting together.
> 
> Oof man, loonnng chapter but FINALLY, am I right??
> 
> (Side note: I think Bokuto actually has a younger sister but in this fic he just has an older sister and that's Kira. Guys, I loveee her. She's the big sister I always wanted).
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	13. Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He really didn’t mean to look, but it wasn’t like he could really ignore it. 
> 
> The two messages were delivered about 45 minutes ago and were still unread on the lock screen. 

Exhaustion was prevalent all over Bokuto’s face during practice. 

The all night talking escapades really threw off Bokuto’s sleep schedule. It had been three weeks since that eventful night. Mixed with his practice schedule and staying up late to talk with Akaashi on the phone, Bokuto hadn’t managed to fall asleep at a decent hour since they had gotten together. 

Whether or not it was because of the new pattern or that he just couldn’t stop thinking about Akaashi, he didn’t really know. But he had a good guess. 

He couldn’t bring himself to be upset, though. Even with the exhaustion, he had a smile plastered on his face every single day as they went through drills. 

It took all his energy to hold in the secret from Kuro. But he knew that this was one thing he couldn’t tell anyone, not even his best friend. He felt awful hiding a secret from Kuro - they had been telling each other everything since they were kids. But telling people about his new relationship status had to come from Akaashi himself, it was something that Bokuto was dead set on respecting. Akaashi has to ease himself into getting used to the fresh title, and that was perfectly fine with Bokuto. Bokuto was just glad that everything didn’t crash and burn that night before actually starting. 

Not telling anyone that they were official didn’t stop him from placing kisses all over Akaashi’s face when he left Bokuto’s apartment in the mornings. Yes. Mornings. Because Akaashi had stayed over after going to Bokuto’s for dinner one night and has continued every now and then. When Bokuto told him he would cook for him, Akaashi brought a backpack with him containing his clothes for the next day, toothbrush, phone charger etc., Bokuto figured that by just having those few items helped Akaashi feel a bit calmer about staying the night. 

Bokuto finally gave into his desire to cook, mimicking the cheesy lines he and Kira used to say, as he watched Akaashi laugh unabashedly while sitting across from him at the island. Turns out, Akaashi doesn’t like to cook much, but he absolutely loves putting things back in order. So when it was time to clean up and Bokuto’s face held the disdain of having to wash everything, Akaashi jumped at the chance to pay him back for the dinner by taking care of the cleanup. 

They barely even did anything that night that could have been deemed PG-13 rated. Granted, they couldn’t stop themselves from kissing one other, but it quickly stopped every time Kuro walked into the living room. Kuro would just chuckle and tell them to fuck already. 

Akaashi liked the attention, just when they were away from prying eyes. 

It was just another thing that didn’t bother Bokuto. They didn’t need to be doing anything physical, or telling every random person he ran into that they were together, for him to still be completely over the moon. As long as Bokuto knew the truth about their relationship, he was content with acting like they were still just in the ‘talking’ phase. 

But he couldn’t decide what was better, knowing that Akaashi is his boyfriend or getting to wake up with said boyfriend in his arms. It was the greatest feeling, he could feel his chest bursting at all the emotions he had when he got to see the sun hit Akaashi’s face as he slept on Bokuto’s shoulder. Bokuto could wake up every day like that and still be awed at how beautiful he looked. Screw sleep, he would stay up all night to softly run his hands through Akaashi’s silk hair, even if it meant being exhausted for practice.

“Bokuto! Coach says that if we win next week’s game then we can take the Friday after off as congratulations!” Hinata came rushing over to him as practice wound up, “Would you plan on going to watch Kenma play again??”

Bokuto stopped. He does love Kenma’s music, but if he had a free night he would want to spend it with Akaashi. Akaashi might not want to go out to the club. 

He shrugged, “I'm not sure, I’d have to see what Kuro’s doing.”

Speak of the devil, the middle blocker slung his arm over their ace, “What do you mean, you really think I wouldn’t see my kitten play if I had the chance? We’ll be there Hinata, don’t skip out this time.”

Hinata eagerly nodded his head before running over to tell Kageyama. 

Kuro saw the look on Bokuto’s face, “Why do you look constipated?”

Bokuto clicked his tongue and knocked the arm off his shoulder, “Because maybe I want a quiet night in to catch up on shows.”

“Oh don’t even try to hide that you would kill for a chance to see Akaashi dance again.”

If Bokuto didn’t know that Kuro was in a committed relationship he could’ve punched the man for even thinking about how Akaashi moved. 

Although, he couldn’t necessarily disagree. 

He sent a quick text to Akaashi once he got to his locker, just casually letting him know that they might have a free night and that Kenma was playing again if he maybe wanted to go. Might as well let his _boyfriend_ decide what to do. 

————------------------

Adding the title of boyfriends to their relationship didn't change many of the dynamics, a fact that Akaashi was relieved about. Although, it was still hard saying he had a boyfriend (even in his head) no matter how long they’ve been talking to each other. 

Akaashi could tell that it did slightly pain Bokuto that he couldn’t tell anyone. He had to let the eager man scream it as loud as he could while standing in the middle of Akaashi’s apartment in order to get it out of his system. 

Their relationship was something Akaashi actually really, _desperately_ , wanted to continue. And knowing his past track record, dealing with his nerves head on and being open about what he needed in the relationship was exactly what Akaashi needed to do in order to make sure it lasted. 

So they were content in their secret-but-not-secret-to-them relationship. 

While the way they acted around each other hadn’t changed that much, although they both seemed to be a little more obsessed with having their hands on each other, Akaashi was still getting used to a few things.

He had pushed through his fear and made the effort of staying over at Bokuto’s apartment. He had woken up fairly early the first time and once he was up, that was it, he wasn’t getting back to sleep. He did feel bad that Bokuto in turn woke up because he couldn’t stop fidgeting from the nerves, but the man clearly didn’t care as he just hugged him closer to his chest and whispered ‘good morning’. Akaashi quit while he was ahead though and left fairly soon after they had woken up. Baby steps. He’s gotten a little more used to it, now he doesn’t have to leave _as soon_ as he’s up, but still doesn’t intrude for very long. One day, he’ll get to the point where he doesn’t feel the need to retreat to his own apartment to feel comfortable.

Then there was the honorifics. It went against every bone in Akaashi’s body to not use the ‘san’ at the end of calling to Bokuto. But he knew that it was important to Bokuto, and also would be weirder to use the formal vocation now that they were dating.

Dating.

Akaashi was dating someone.

It still blew his mind. But everything was slowly starting to feel just right. Akaashi had been in such a state of overwhelming emotion that he was able to churn out three new songs: one classical, and two modern EDM songs that he was thinking about sending to Kenma for a polish.

It felt nice to get back into that state of mind. The words had practically flown out of Akaashi’s head and the beats came instinctively. Maybe he would see how the band felt about making a few new songs, Akaashi was certainly in the right head space for it.

It was as if the rain that had been falling for forever had finally parted from Akaashi’s eyes, and Bokuto was the one that held the umbrella out to cover him.

The musician had responded to Bokuto that he was fine with going to the club in the upcoming weeks, but mentioned to the professional volleyball player that it should be low on his list of things to think about considering they did have to actually _win_ the game against Portugal before coach would give them the day off. 

They had spent what little time they could together, they had made dinner together a few nights and had gotten lunch or coffee when they could, but Bokuto’s training schedule always ramped up around games and Akaashi was booked most nights for events. 

A month into dating and they had only been able to see each other briefly six times by the time the Portugal game came around. 

While it was a home game, Akaashi wasn’t going to be able to make it due to a private event he was booked for. Bokuto understood of course, Saturday’s seem to be when anyone and everyone had events that they needed musicians for, but Akaashi still kept glancing at his phone to keep tabs on the score. Suga had to talk him out of putting an ear piece in so that he could actually listen to the play by plays. Something about not being able to properly play the violin for Mozart’s ‘String Quartet No. 2’ or Drottningsholsmusiken Oveture while listening to a volleyball game.

The boys were playing great from what he could tell, they took the first set 25-21 and were at match point for the second. Akaashi was gripping his bow so tightly in the corner where he and Suga were standing that the other violinist had to carefully remove the delicate tool from his hands.

Japan won the set.

Cheering as best they could without drawing attention to themselves (he figured it was a little inappropriate for the hired musicians to cause a scene at the corporate party), they made their way back to the small space where their chairs were set up. The small break was much needed, it was 8pm and they had started at 4pm. Akaashi couldn’t wait for this to be over. 

Akaashi told Bokuto that he would meet him at Kuro and his apartment as soon as the event was over. He was hoping that he would get out before the game ended but alas, here he was, still playing for a bunch of rich snobs as they all pretended to like one another while they’re actually stabbing each other to get ahead. 

Really not any different than the orchestra, he mused.

Finally, the event coordinator released the four person group and he quickly packed his violin and thrusted the case into Suga’s hands. Hastily calling a thanks for returning it to the hall, Akaashi grabbed his bag and rushed out the doors. He stopped the first cab he saw and gave the driver Bokuto’s address.

The address had rolled so easily off his tongue and without any hesitation. When did he stop getting nervous about seeing Bokuto?

Any anxious butterflies he once felt were completely settled as he knocked on the door of apartment 4B.

His feet were lifted off the ground the second the door opened.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaimed as he lifted him in a hug.

Akaashi laughed, “Hello Bokuto-sa-, Bokuto. Congratulations on your win, sorry I couldn’t make it.”

The volleyball player placed him back down. “No worries! Aw, look how good you look in your suit!” He ushered him inside, running his hands quickly over Akaashi’s suit jacket.

Blushing, Akaashi responded, “I left directly from the event so I didn’t get a chance to change. Obviously you didn’t either.” He gestured to Bokuto still donning the volleyball jersey.

“Ah, yeah. It took a while for us to wrap up after coach talked, and the network wanted to interview a few of us, and then traffic sucked so, yeah. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to shower yet.”

“You’re fine. Did you eat already?”

Bokuto shook his head, “I figured we could order in? I’m pretty exhausted.”

Akaashi reached up to place a quick kiss. “Of course. What are you in the mood for?” he asked.

Bokuto’s face squinted as he thought. “Ooh I could really go for curry rice.”

Akaashi smiled. “I’ll put an order in. Do you mind if I change out of this?” He gestured to his suit. 

“Mmmm,” Bokuto hummed, pulling Akaashi in by his waist, “But I kinda like it.” He winked and started kissing his neck, mumbling, “You could leave it on and we could-”

“You get sweat on this jacket and I’ll make you pay for dry cleaning.”

Bokuto laughed, standing up right again. “Fair enough. How about you get changed and order the food while I take a quick shower?”

Nodding in agreement, Akaashi picked up his bag by the door while Bokuto made his way to the bathroom. 

He felt no qualms about changing in the bedroom by himself. It had become almost second nature to him. Unbelievable to think that just a month ago he was bearing his bleeding heart to Bokuto while the man patiently let him get it out. 

His heart clenched just thinking about it. 

He quickly removed his suit and placed it neatly in his bag after removing some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Quickly changing into the comfortable clothes, he moved to get his phone so that he could call the restaurant. He patted the pockets of the jacket he slung over Bokuto’s desk chair. It wasn’t in his jacket?

Looking through his bag for his phone, his blood started rushing.

Where was his phone?

Turning his bag upside down, the dress shirt and pants fell out and unfolded on the ground. Various other items followed as he saw his wallet, toothbrush, rosin, keys, and his clothes for tomorrow fall out.

But not his phone.

Ears ringing, he bit hard on his lip as he tried to stop from spiraling further. He replayed leaving the event space. 

The boys won, they played another 45 minutes for the party, they were released, he threw everything into the violin case....

He threw his phone into the violin case. 

He had a very clear memory of seeing it in the case as he closed it and handed it to Suga, but he didn’t register it when he left so quickly. 

_At least he knew where it was_ , he thought. He would just have to grab it from the rehearsal hall tomorrow. 

Groaning slightly at the thought of messing up so badly, he crossed the hall to the bathroom and knocked over the running water. 

“Yeah!” Bokuto called out. 

“I left my phone with my stuff I gave Suga, can I use yours to call for food?”

“Sure! It should be plugged in by my night stand. I don’t have a passcode on it.”

“That’s really not secure, Bokuto, you should change that,” Akaashi smirked. 

He heard the scoff through the door, “Oh yeah, because you’re really going to steal my identity or something.”

Akaashi leaned against the wall, “You never know, I could be playing the long game here. Hot, famous, well off professional athlete meets a mysterious musician? Sounds like a con just waiting to happen.”

“If you’re playing the long game then you deserve an Oscar!”

Akaashi laughed, “I’ll try not to delete all the pictures of dogs that you have on your phone.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he heard grumbled over the water. 

He grabbed a cup of water before heading back into Bokuto’s room to get the phone. 

He really didn’t mean to look, but it wasn’t like he could really ignore it. 

The two messages were delivered about 45 minutes ago and were still unread on the lock screen. 

**From Terushima**

_You played great tonight_

**From Terushima**

_And your interview was really well done_

The water was still running. Akaashi chewed on his lip. He shouldn’t do this. He _really_ shouldn’t do this. This was such an invasion of privacy, he knew that. He looked at the bathroom door.

But he really couldn’t bring himself to ignore it, every nerve was going off in his body signaling the worst.

He clicked on the messages.

Bokuto had received a few messages from this person for the past three weeks. They started coming in since the team’s game against Spain a few weeks ago.

**From Tersushima**

_Spain has nothing on you._

**From Tersushima**

_Can we meet up?_

Akaashi thought hard back to that week. Did Bokuto seem off? Was there a time that he mentioned going to see a friend?

There wasn’t any message history before the first message so there was no way to tell how they know each other. Bokuto hadn’t answered any of the messages.

Akaashi was overreacting. This was probably just a volleyball colleague. He quickly marked the last two messages as unread and called the restaurant to place their delivery order.

The restaurant was obviously busy as he was put on hold for a bit. Akaashi ran through the order in his head so he wouldn’t mess up.

Once he was done, he moved to plug the phone back in. A text message came through as he was placing the phone back down on the night stand.

**From Terushima**

_I miss you._

Akaashi’s blood froze. Just an old classmate, obviously. The phone dinged again.

**From Terushima**

_I miss us._

The water turned off in the bathroom.

Akaashi switched the screen off. He made himself as little as he could on the bed as Bokuto came in and smiled as he changed.

Akaashi forced a smile back.

Who is Terushima?

  
  


[Mozart String Quartert No. 2](https://youtu.be/ZAsnjPq08K4)

[Drottningholmsmusiken](https://youtu.be/42E_bQX3kF8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me writing this whispering "No, Akaashi. Don't." while writing him checking the texts anyway. But really, would any of us not if we were in that position/him?
> 
> Guys. So far I have draft chapters written up to chapter 21 and that's not even half of the events I have planned for this story. Are you all going to stick with me for that long? Will I have any readers by end of this?? What's the average of amount of chapters you all read in fics??
> 
> I know I'm behind on replying to all y'alls comments. I swear I will I've just been so busy :(((
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	14. Declarations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had only been dating for a little over a month and Akaashi already felt like they were doomed. Akaashi didn’t deserve this amazing man. 

Akaashi couldn’t stop thinking about the texts.

‘I miss you.’

‘I miss us.’

_Anyone could have sent those, right?_

Could’ve been his cousin he hasn’t seen in a while. Or a friend from high school. Maybe it was his barber because Lord knows the last time Bokuto got his hair cut. 

It wasn’t that Akaashi didn’t trust Bokuto, it wasn’t as if he saw _Bokuto_ send the message to someone else. Bokuto hadn’t even responded to the earlier messages that Akaashi could see.

It was more the thought that Bokuto was very popular, and obviously every person’s dream guy if he was being honest. The professional volleyball player could get anyone he wanted - seeing messages like that may wake Bokuto up and realize that there’s people way better than Akaashi, with way less baggage. 

They had only been dating for a little over a month and Akaashi already felt like they were doomed. Akaashi didn’t deserve this amazing man and there were obviously people lining up to take his spot.

He walked into the ramen shop where he was meeting Kenma. They were supposed to be discussing the next track the DJ wanted help with but Akaashi could barely keep his mind off the anonymous texter.

Kenma pulled his earbuds out as he saw Akaashi walk towards the booth he was sitting in.

“We don’t have any mixes with a flute yet, how would you feel about that? I’ve already got a preliminary beat down that I can show you.”

Akaashi nodded, opening the menu that was in front of him. All the words were just mashing together in his head. Kenma noticed the more than usual indifference.

“Or we could do a tuba.”

“Mhm, whatever you want,” Akaashi mumbled.

“You know, actually, I think we should go with an accordion. Really embrace a sort of Russian vibe.”

Kenma stared from across the table as his friend just kept silently looking at the menu, clearly not listening.

“I’m gonna actually need you to learn how to play the bagpipes while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. Really pull in some authentic and fresh sounds.”

Akaashi finally registered, “Wait, what? Tightrope?” his face contorted in confusion. “What happened to recording normal raws for you?”

Taking a sip of water, Kenma responded, “Well, that was the option before you started ignoring everything I said. For that, you now have to ride a unicycle.”

Akaashi sighed. “Sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”

The DJ hummed. A waitress came over for their orders. Akaashi ordered the first thing his eyes saw on the menu: a classic spicy chicken ramen while Kenma ordered a tofu one.

Handing their menus to the waiter, Akaashi asked, “So what instrument do you actually want from me?”

“Oh no,” Kenma said, shaking his head, “I’m not discussing this anymore with you until you tell me what’s wrong. This is worse than when you spent a month trying to figure out how to combine yodeling with opera.”

The memory caused Akaashi to finally crack a smile, “Ok, that was the worst assignment in the history of projects and I’m still mad that I only got a B.”

“That was probably a higher grade than you deserved and you know it.”

“Yeah, probably,” Akaashi chuckled. He paused. “Kenma, I…I don’t want to be _that_ type of guy but…do you know a Terushima?”

He saw Kenma’s eyes widen a bit, his back straightening at the name. “I know _a_ Terushima, yeah….What Terushima are _you_ talking about?”

Akaashi fiddled with his fingers, chewing on his lower lip before choking out, “A Terushima that would text Bokuto ‘I miss you’? And ‘I miss us’?”

He felt so ashamed doing this. Bringing Kenma into it was such a low thing to do but Akaashi had to know.

The air hung for a moment as Kenma pursed his lips. He sighed before finally responding, “Terushima is a rat bastard, pretentious jerk, who took advantage of Bokuto before leaving him high and dry with no explanation.”

Akaashi froze. “They used to date? And he…he broke up with him?”

The dyed blonde head of hair shook in front of him. “Not even. They dated for about five months, not including four months of them hooking up and talking before actually dating. And they did this weird thing of not acknowledging liking each other for months before that, so if you add it all up they had basically been together for over a year.” He took a sip of water before continuing, swallowing thickly, his voice going low. “Then one night, he texted Bokuto to grab drinks with him at the club and he never showed up.”

He shrugged. “Didn’t answer any of his calls, none of his texts, removed him on social media...Bokuto was pretty broken. He kept asking us what he did wrong and what he could do to get him back.”

He took notice of Akaashi’s sulking face. Was he disappointed that Bokuto got hurt or that this guy was a part of his life longer than Akaashi had expected? “But the fact of the matter remains that Terushima stayed with Bokuto until he got bored of his antics and didn’t even have the decency to be an adult about it. Ghosting someone after that long? Who does that? And what, he’s crawling back now, I guess?”

The waiter came back and placed their food down. Akaashi wasn’t very hungry. He stared into the broth, processing the information.

“So…did Bokuto love him?”

Kenma paused from taking the bite he had lifted, he placed it back into the bowl. His face softened. “Bokuto feels more deeply than anyone I have ever met. Did he feel a level of love for him? Yes. But Bokuto loves everyone. Was it on the level that you’re thinking about?” He shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

Akaashi swirled the chicken around in the bowl, mumbling down towards the food, “Would he want to go back to him?”

Kenma’s head tilted. “Akaashi. I’ve known Bokuto for a while now, I’ve seen him go through a few relationships.” He grinned, cat eyes sparkling, “He hasn’t been this happy for any of them. Not even Terushima.”

Akaashi felt the breath he had been holding for the past two days finally release. He took a small bite of his food, swallowing before nodding gratefully. “Thank you, Kenma. And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so jealous.”

“It’s ok,” Kenma smirked, “You’re gonna be helping me with my _entire_ new track list though if you want me to keep it from Bokuto that you went through his phone.”

Akaashi's ears burned, eyes wide, “Those ones were already on the screen!” He looked down again. “But I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

"I get it," Kenma said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, “But I’m surprised that this is bothering you so much considering you guys aren’t even official or anything.”

Fingers digging deep into his palms, Akaashi focused on the burn, forcing out a small breathy laugh, “Heh, yeah, I guess it’s not my place. Sorry.”

“Can’t say I’m upset about it though. You guys are going slower than molasses.”

“Didn’t I hear your date had just passed for the bet on when it will happen?”

“Mhmm. So I’m thinking flute for this first track.”

\----------------------------------

Feet hitting hard into the pavement, Bokuto breathed heavily as he ran around the bend in the path.

This has to stop.

The first text was a mistake, he had thought. A drunken hazy relapse in judgement that was regretted in the morning.

But when the next ones came, each one was a little ding to his pride.

Why was this happening now of all times?

One of the things Kuro convinced him to do to get over Terushima was to delete any trace of him. Photos, emails, text messages. And he had, eventually. The only he couldn’t bring himself to do was deleting his contact number. At the time, he wanted someway of being able to convince the man to take him back.

Now he regrets it.

He should’ve blocked it.

He didn’t need this right now. That whole incident had left him so self-conscious, even more so than usual. It had broken everything Bokuto had tried so hard to build. Now, he was finally in a good place. He was more assured. More certain in his actions and the type of person he wanted to be.

He had found Akaashi.

Being with Akaashi has done wonders. It’s allowed him to truly be grounded in who he was, and not worry as much about messing up. Akaashi usually had the answer to his mundane worries about normal life. Where Akaashi helped him with his fears, Bokuto helped his boyfriend with his own.

He didn’t need Terushima trying to come back into his life and tear him down.

It was a thought he had been debating all week. Should he call him and scream at him to stop? Should he just send back a brief text telling him not to contact him anymore?

It took him up until four days after receiving the last message that he realized he was technically doing exactly what the ex had done to him. Ghosting him by no response.

The realization wasn’t causing him too much distress though.

He hoped that the man would figure it out sooner than later and leave him alone, but Bokuto decided that if Terushima messaged him again then he would finally say something.

Running up the final hill of the path he was on, he paused at the top to catch his breath. His phone started ringing through the headphones he was wearing.

He answered without looking. “Hello?” he huffed out, breath coming out ragged.

“Why are you out of breath, Bokuto?”

“Akaashi! Hey!!” He placed his hands on his knees, hunching over. “Sorry, I just finished a run. Dang, I’m getting out of shape.”

A chuckle sounded on the other end, “I don’t think that’s possible Bokuto.”

“Oya? Why’s that? You like my muscles as is?”

There was a slight pause. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction of saying it.”

“Aw, Kaashi! Fine. I’ll take the fact that you aren't denying it though,” he smirked. “What’s up, you need something?”

“Um not really, I just felt like calling you. I’m on my way to that reception party.”

Bokuto smiled at the thought of Akaashi calling just because. “Ooh the one at the huge house on Granby? You said it’s for the guy’s, like, second wedding or something?”

“Third marriage, actually.”

He let out a low whistle, starting the walk back to his apartment. “Wow, surprised he still has so much money left after two divorces.”

“I’ll take pictures of the house.”

“And count how many oil paintings he has of himself.”

Akaashi’s laugh was like raindrops on crystals. “Will do.”

“What are you doing tomorrow? I haven’t seen you since after my game Saturday.”

He heard the deep breath Akaashi took, “Yeah, sorry, I’ve been really busy. And I’m actually supposed to be meeting with my Sensei tomorrow to work on my arrangement.” Akaashi could envision Bokuto pouting. “I’m sorry. But we’re still on to go out the next night with everyone to see Kenma, right?”

“Yeah! Do you want me to pick you up?”

“I actually might go a little early to help Kenma set up if that’s ok…”

“That’s fine! No worries, Kaashi!”

Akaashi grinned, “Thanks. Ok, well, I’m pulling up now so I should let you go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Send pics!’

Akaashi laughed again before promising he would and hanging up.

Bokuto felt like he could run ten more miles, he felt rejuvenated after talking with the musician.

\-----------------------

If there was one reason that made him glad he decided not to become a DJ it was having to not carry in all the equipment every time, Akaashi thought as he carried in another one of Kenma’s cases.

They were almost done but it had taken a bit of time for the two boys to get everything out of the car. Dropping the final cases onto the stage, he turned to the DJ, “Want me to start hooking up to the amps?”

Kenma nodded, “Yeah that would be great, thanks.”

They worked well together, silent but proficient. By the time 7:30 rolled around, they had everything up and ready to go.

Kenma did his final checks.

“Oh, here take a listen to this. This is where I’m thinking the flute comes in.” He handed Akaashi the headphones.

Akaashi placed them on his head, nodding his head to the beat, focusing in on the tempo and the hidden notes that he could harmonize with. “Yeah man, I think this could be really awesome. You got lyrics for it yet?” he questioned, handing the headphones back.

The shorter man shook his head, “I only have a little so if anything strikes you.”

Akaashi nodded, “I’ll see if I have any in my back pocket that could fit. Or I’ll brainstorm something.”

“Oh, and I was thinking about pulling Yachi in for the vocals. Think she’ll be up for it?

Akaashi pursed his lips, “I don’t know, you know how she is. It’ll take a while to get her back into the studio."

“Well,” Kenma said, placing his hand on Akaashi’s shoulder, “If anyone can do it, it’s you obviously. You’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, in college,” he snorted.

Kenma shrugged, “So?”

“Hey, you guys want a few drinks before everyone starts coming in?” Saeko called up to them.

They shrugged a sure.

By 9:30, Akaashi had had enough that he was feeling a slight buzz. But it only electrified the music more as he helped Kenma on stage. They fed off one another, falling back into old habits of when they would mess around on the mix boards for projects. Their beats merged with one another effortlessly, bringing a new twist to Kenma’s usual tone. The whole placed loved it as they jumped to the music, the strobe lights bouncing off the walls.

They were in the middle of transitioning to the next song when Akaashi saw Bokuto’s face push to the front of the stage.

“Bokuto!” he exclaimed, his face flushed from the drinks and energy. He motioned to Kenma for one second as he went around the stand and bent down to talk to Bokuto.

“Nice of you to finally show up!” he yelled over the music.

“Sorry that some of us aren’t as cool as you are to be running the whole show!” Bokuto grinned. “Are you planning on staying up there with Kenma the whole night?”

Akaashi’s lips pressed into a line, he was having a lot of fun. “Can I stay for a few more songs? I promise I won’t be long.”

Bokuto placed his hand on Akaashi’s knee, “Of course Kaashi! Whatever you want.” He leaned up so he could reach his ear, “Just another excuse for me to stare at you.”

The warm breath on the shell of his ear caused Akaashi to shiver. “Well now I definitely won’t be long.”

Laughing, Bokuto tapped his knee once more before stepping back. “Whenever you’re done we’ll be at the table,” he said, pointing to the booth where the rest of the group was standing.

Hinata was jumping up and down gripping Kageyama’s hand, Iwaizumi handing the poor boy a shot to take. He would need it to deal with Hinata's energy. It looked like Kuro was on drink duty with Oikawa, and Sakusa and Atsumu were already dancing with each other close by.

Akaashi nodded and stood back up to go to the table.

He felt so alive. His head was clear of any insecurities, his heart was bursting from being with Bokuto, his blood reverberated with every vibration of the amps around him. His instincts knew exactly what to do with the music.

They brought up the next drop, keeping tabs on the mood of the crowd as they kept the energy up. Akaashi look over at the volleyball group. It was the first time Akaashi had seen Atsumu so handsy with Sakusa. Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked to be fairly tame at the table, the two of them whispering to one another. Kuro was dancing solo as usual. But he had lost sight of Bokuto.

He was too focused on the cuts to be too worried about it though. But after a bit longer it had definitely been longer than a few songs now and Akaashi was starting to feel bad. He was about to tell Kenma that he was going to call it when he noticed Kenma’s eyes wider than he had ever seen them.

He followed his gaze.

Kuro had been trying to get Kenma’s attention, obviously not Akaashi’s though because the black haired man was turning towards where Bokuto was now standing off behind the table.

But he wasn’t alone.

He was talking to a tall, fit man with blonde hair and an undercut. The lights bounced off the earrings pierced into his lobes. Akaashi turned back to Kenma.

“Who-”

But Kenma was already looking down.

“Kenma…”

The DJ glanced back up, saying as softly as he could while still being heard over the music, “That’s Terushima.”

Akaashi’s head whipped back.

The conversation seemed strained, although Terushima's face cooed ease. The man kept putting his hand out to rub Bokuto’s bicep, Bokuto angling away as his hands came up to wave him off. The rest of the team looked shocked, unsure whether or not to break it up or to let Bokuto handle it.

Akaashi stared at them. _Bokuto's ex is this attractive?_ There was no way Akaashi could compete. His heart was racing. Would Bokuto go back to someone he clearly loved? Would he and Akaashi break up before even telling anyone they dated? But Bokuto didn't seem thrilled to be talking to his past flame...He just looked pained. And Akaashi couldn't help but remember the way Bokuto's eyes shine whenever they're together.

That image had his mind made up. He wasn’t going to give into the little voice in the back of his mind telling him to not cause a scene. He was done being worried about what other people thought of him. He didn’t want to be timid anymore. He wanted to be the dynamic person who had been DJing for a full bar the past few hours. He could be that person for a little bit longer.

He grabbed his drink off the table before moving to hop off the stage. It took a second to get through the crowd as everyone tried to get his name and where he was going to perform next and where they could buy his songs.

He finally made it to the table. The air was tenser than when Hinata had accidentally eaten Oikawa’s milk bread. Everyone avoided eye contact with him.

Kuro came up to him. “Akaashi, it’s not what you think. He’s just an old-”

“They used to date right?” Akaashi finished for him. Kuro looked taken back, he nodded slowly. “Well, it looks like he still thinks they’re together, doesn’t it.”

Kuro’s eyes narrowed as he glared at the man talking to Bokuto, “Bokuto shouldn’t even pretend to be nice to him, let alone give him the time of day.”

Akaashi chugged the rest of his cup before handing it to Kuro.

He closed the gap, coming up as close as possible to Bokuto’s right, keeping the entire left side of his body pressed into the man.

“Bokuto, there you are.”

Bokuto’s eyes were huge, his eyebrows almost into his hair line as he stuttered, “Ah, A-Akaashi...”

Akaashi held his hand out, “Hi, I’m Akaashi.”

The other man stared at the outstretched arm, his mouth slightly gapping at the intrusion. “Um, Terushima,” he answered before shaking.

“Nice to meet you," Akaashi forced out, the one theatre class he had to take in college finally coming in use, "How do you two know each other?”

Bokuto started to twist to look at him, “Wait, Akaashi…”

“Bokuto and I go way back! We actually used to date,” he winked. “I was just telling him how much I missed him.” He smiled, leaning in to whisper to Akaashi, “I haven’t stopped thinking about him once. I assume you follow his volleyball, yeah? _Such_ a great athlete.”

He stood back up and stared at Bokuto, his head tilting, “Seeing you play recently reminded me about how much fun we had together, Bo.”

Akaashi bristled at the nickname.

“Weird how you two just _happened_ to be in the same place,” Akaashi said through clutched teeth.

Terushima’s grin was like a hyena’s. “Well, I knew that this was y’alls club!” He spread his arms out, eyes going slant as he said, “I mean, the times we had on this dance floor Bo, phew, geez just thinking about it sets my skin on fire.”

Akaashi wished he had taken another shot before coming over here. He was slowly losing his nerve from this guy’s confidence.

Terushima came closer, he placed his hand on Boktuo’s shoulder again, his voice purring, “Please give me another chance. You can’t deny how good we were together.”

He glanced at Akaashi, “Are you two friends from school? Maybe you could help me out here, convince him to take me back.” He winked again.

That was it.

The balls of this guy.

Akaashi knocked the hand off that was still resting on Bokuto’s shoulder, using enough force that Terushima stumbled a step back.

He saw the guys at the table perk their heads up.

“Woah man, what’s your problem?”

Akaashi took a small step forward, “What’s my problem? What’s your problem! Don’t you know how to take a hint? I could tell all the way from the stage that Bokuto looked uncomfortable. Why keep trying to force yourself on someone when they clearly don’t want it?" he kept edging closer, "You had your shot and you blew it so how about you just fuck off," he exclaimed, pushing hard into the man's chest, forcing him further away.

Tersuhima was furious. He scowled before spitting back, “How the fuck do you know he doesn’t want it, who the fuck even are you?”

“I’m his fucking boyfriend, you asshole!”

It was like the wind was knocked out from the man.

Akaashi heard the gasp from the rest of the team at the table, still watching the whole encounter.

“I win the entire pool!” Oikawa yelled out, standing up. Iwaizumi pulled him back down, albeit with a stunned look on his face.

Akaashi was breathing heavily. This wasn’t exactly how he had pictured them announcing their relationship. Was Bokuto pissed?

He turned around slowly.

Bokuto was beaming at him.

He rushed forward, grabbing Akaashi’s face in both hands before pressing a hard kiss to his lips.

He pulled back before looking back up at everyone, calling out to no one in particular (but definitely aimed towards a still stunned Terushima), “This is my boyfriend!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams* YASSSSS. Get yo man Akaashi. Guys I was literally screaming writing this interaction.
> 
> Also, low key, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are my second fair couple and I'm already thinking about what story I can write about them after this one (don't worry, I don't plan on abandoning this). But I know that Iwaoi is just naturally angsty, so trying to prep myself for diving into that mindset. Or do you all just read Bokuaka?
> 
> What are y'alls reactions??
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	15. Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, this kiss was better than all the other ones. Bokuto felt it deep in the back of his sternum, the passion that filled this kiss was a combination of all the moments Bokuto wanted to scream from the rooftop that this man was his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries at the amount of love this story is getting* You all are giving me so much serotonin with your comments and kudos uwu

After they had declared their relationship so openly, and Terushima was put in his place, Kuro finally had enough and walked out to get Ukai for him to kick Terushima out. 

Terushima’s scowl was piercing as he took a step forward, Bokuto moving Akaashi behind him. The man squinted and leaned in, whispering something that Akaashi couldn’t hear. He did feel Bokuto tense a second before he shoved the ex away. Ukai grabbed him as he moved back and started pulling him through the crowd.

Even people that weren’t part of their group cheered as the dejected man huffed out with his head hung low and eyes burning in rage.

Bokuto wouldn’t let go of Akaashi, never once tearing his searing golden eyes away from the midnight blue ones. He was cupping the shorter man’s face, both vibrating with energy. Akaashi’s face held a shy smile as small chuckles escaped his mouth. His whole demeanor was just too adorable that Bokuto couldn’t help himself as he started peppering kisses all over his face, causing Akaashi to just laugh harder.

Kuro placed a hand on both their shoulders, “Well it’s about fucking time,” he smirked. “I don’t suppose this was just decided spur of the moment?”

Bokuto’s eyes widened, “Um, ah, heh, um, not really?” he choked out, the confession to his best friend obviously not coming out easy.

Akaashi put his hand on Bokuto’s arm, looking at Kuro. “Don’t be mad at him, he didn’t tell you because I asked him not to. I wasn’t ready to announce it yet.” He paused and glanced sideways. “Although, I’ll admit that’s not really what I had envisioned either.”

“Are you kidding?” Kuro exclaimed. “There’s no other way I would’ve wanted you to tell me! That was fucking badass and now we have two things to celebrate! You two getting together and finally giving that asshole what he deserves!”

Oikawa nudged his way in with a tray of shots, “And I just won so much money from that dating pool that these are just the start!” He handed a shot to everybody in the group.

“To Bokuto and Akaashi!” he yelled.

The group echoed the cheer and threw the shots back, Bokuto grinning at Akaashi before swinging his head back.

“Aw, damn it. Kenma missed the whole thing,” Kuro sulked.

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Akaashi snickered.

They looked to the stage. The DJ had his hands in the air and was pointing at them, his face showing more emotion than Akaashi had seen him portray in all the years he’s known him combined.

Kenma lowered the music a tad, his microphone going hot as he spoke into it, “Hey everybody let’s give a cheer to my two best friends back there who finally figured out their feelings and got together.”

The crowd went wild, everybody turning to look at where the man on stage was gesturing, people clapped their hands and yelled out. Hinata jumped up and down and pointed to let everyone know who it was.

Bokuto wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him into his chest. He could feel Akaashi’s smile pressing into him and the rumbles of laughter coming from his chest. The energy in the club as everyone congratulated them was pounding in both their ears, the feel of each other’s body grounding them in the excitement. Bokuto finally pulled his dark haired lover onto the dance floor, grabbing his hips and bringing them as close as possible. 

He brought their foreheads together, a huge open mouth smile on his face. He whispered, “We’re dating.”

Akaashi couldn’t help but feel the same overwhelming happiness, his smiled emulated the other’s. “We’re dating.”

Bokuto suddenly let out a loud howl, clutching Akaashi’s face, “Holy fuck, Akaashi, I can’t believe you did that,” he said through the laughter. 

The musician’s face was burning, most likely due to a mixture of the proclamation, heat of the dance floor, and coming down from the high of being so forward with a stranger. 

“I wasn’t gonna let him take you that easily,” he said, turning his head away. 

Fuck, if that wasn’t the most adorable thing Bokuto had ever seen. 

He smirked, “Aw, did you get jealous, baby?”

Bokuto both felt and saw the shiver that went through Akaashi’s body. “Maybe.”

That set the hairs on the back of Bokuto’s neck up. He ran his hands up and down Akaashi’s waist, leaning in to hover right above the smaller man’s lips, “I won’t lie, it was a little hot watching you get possessive.”

Akaashi’s hands gripped into Bokuto’s shoulders a little tighter. “Well....you are mine, right?” he spoke down into Bokuto’s chest. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened. His pants tightened instantly. “Fuck, Akaashi. You’re damn right I am.”

He lifted Akaashi’s head with his finger, “And you’re mine,” he said before crashing their lips together. 

Somehow, this kiss was better than all the other ones. Bokuto felt it deep in the back of his sternum, the passion that filled this kiss was a combination of all the moments Bokuto wanted to scream from the rooftop that this man was _his_. They were together. Someone _can_ commit and _want_ him. 

Their mouths moved in sync with one another, Bokuto slipping his tongue inside when Akaashi shifted his mouth open. 

Bodies still moving with one another in rhythm with the music, Akaashi pulled his mouth away slightly. Heavy breaths released as he panted. “B-Bokuto, I...” he trailed off as his boyfriend leaned down to kiss along his jaw. The mouth moved all the way to kiss right below his ear.

“Yeah?”

“I, um...” he was looking away, acutely aware that they were still on the dance floor surrounded by so many people, both strangers and friends could see them. His mind ran circles as to how to say it. 

“Akaashi?” Bokuto moved to his full height, looking down with concern. “You good?”

Akaashi chewed on the inside of his cheek, clenching onto the shoulders in front of him. He paused before taking a sharp intake of breath and pressing his crotch into Bokuto’s leg. 

The hard outline of his cock had Bokuto groaning and sinking his knees a bit. He pulled Akaashi’s face to his by the back of his neck. “You want some help?” he said into his mouth. 

Akaashi gave a slight nod, the pleading look in his eyes giving Bokuto all the confidence in the world. He grabbed his hand. 

He didn’t say a word as he made his way through the crowd and to the hallway that ran along the right side of the wall with the stage. Akaashi stumbled keeping up with the volleyball player’s long legs. 

Reaching the passage, Bokuto pushed the raven haired man up against the wall, pressing his thigh into Akaashi’s crotch. He sucked on his pale, smooth neck, relishing in the feel of his teeth gripping into the skin. He felt hands grip his hair. 

Akaashi moaned at the contact, but the hallway was a little bit more lit and open than he would’ve preferred. “Um, Bokuto-”

“I know,” Bokuto cut him off, “I just had to get my mark on you.” He rubbed at the purple bruise appearing on Akaashi’s neck. “You can yell at me for this tomorrow,” he said as he clasped their hands again and turned the corner. 

Akaashi doubted he would be mad. 

Bokuto opened one of the doors at the end of the long hall. If there was one thing that also made this club so good was that it was definitely one of the cleanest clubs in the city. Plus, it was an added bonus of the plenty, individual, fairly nice, bathrooms. 

He pulled them inside one. 

It was dimly lit with warm lights just over the sink, the walls a deep red. But it wasn’t necessarily just the privacy that Bokuto was after - he could’ve sucked up the drive home if that was all he wanted. 

No, what he wanted was for Akaashi to watch as Bokuto sucked him off in front of the large mirror that made up the entire left wall. 

He was sure that the main purpose was for Instagram girls to take their selfies and mirror pics, but he liked his use much better. 

He guided Akaashi’s back to the wall across from the mirror, his blue eyes widening once he saw it.

“Bokuto...”

“I want you to see how beautiful you look when you cum, Akaashi,” Bokuto supplied for him as he started undoing Akaashi’s jeans. He pulled them down and softly rubbed his erection, kneeling before pausing and looking up. “We can also just go home if you want...”

Akaashi glanced from Bokuto’s face back to the mirror, he chewed on the inside of his cheek before making a slight shake of his head, “No, that’s ok…This is ok,” he said, placing his hand gently on the back of Bokuto’s head.

Bokuto leaned his head into the touch, palming Akaashi harder. “I promise you’ll like it.”

He heard the rumble of a moan go throughout Akaashi’s body from his touches. Cupping his cock through the boxers a few more times, he hooked his fingers into the waist band and pulled them down. 

Akaashi groaned as his cock was finally released, already fully erect. 

Bokuto placed both his hands on either side of Akaashi’s hips, sliding the shirt he was still wearing up a bit and pressing into the muscles on his waist. _How the fuck does he stay so fit_ , Bokuto thought. 

He kissed all around Akaashi’s thighs, his hips, right below his navel, anywhere besides the one place Akaashi wanted. 

“Bokuto...”

He paused and looked up, leaning his temple against Akaashi’s thigh, “Yeah, baby?”

Akaashi gritted his teeth, he tugged a little harder on the hair below him, “Stop teasing.”

Bokuto smirked, “Fine. But only because I’m still so fucking floored at your performance earlier.”

He leaned forward and kissed the base of Akaashi’s cock, his right hand coming up to grasp above his mouth. His tongue slid out and licked all the way up to the tip, precum leaking from the slit. Bokuto placed his lips to cover just the head and sucked hard. 

“Mmph,” Akaashi jumped, a hand going to cover his mouth.

Bokuto’s mouth started bobbing on the tip, his left hand gripping the base. He slowly took more in his mouth when he felt Akaashi’s chest breathing deeper. His throat opened so he could take the cock down to where his hand was fisted. He sped up. 

Akaashi didn’t know where to look, straight down to see the lips sucking on his dick or at the mirror to watch as he pressed Bokuto down further with his hand. He alternated between both. 

Bokuto’s mouth popped off, he jerked Akaashi fast as he looked up. Akaashi used his thumb to part Bokuto’s lips. 

“Fuck, Bokuto,” he groaned. 

“Yeah?” Bokuto smiled before opening his lips to suck on Akaashi’s thumb. 

Akaashi moaned, letting his head fall back against the wall. He removed his thumb and put his palm back on Bokuto’s head, urging him to return his mouth to his erection. 

Bokuto complied, opening wide and talking him all the way down to the hilt. He paused once his nose hit Akaashi’s stomach. He looked up. Akaashi was panting, his eyes glazed as he watched in the mirror. Just the thought of Akaashi getting turned on by watching them made Bokuto bob faster than he had. 

“Gah,” Akaashi huffed, his knees buckling slightly, “Bo, please...”

Bokuto hummed and sucked hard before removing his mouth again, “Please what, babe?”

Akaashi’s hand was covering his mouth again, his back pressing into the wall more as he started shaking. He said something into his hand. 

Bokuto all but stopped his hand moving on his cock, teasing the boy further. “Sorry, what was that?”

“Please, let me cum!” Akaashi exclaimed. 

Bokuto’s eyes darkened. He stood up so quickly that Akaashi’s body didn’t have a chance to slide down the wall from the lack of support as Bokuto pushed himself behind him and grabbed his waist.

His chin rested on Akaashi’s shoulder, kissing into the side of his neck as Bokuto brought his right hand around to grab the shaft again and continue pumping. Akaashi arched his back, his knees shaking. Bokuto’s left arm was holding him up against his body. 

“Look at you, Kaashi,” Bokuto whispered in his ear, “Look how fucking sexy you are.”

“Hahh, ah, fuck,” Akaashi’s head leaned back. 

“No, no baby, head up. You don’t wanna miss this.” Bokuto smirked as he pushed his shoulder forward to lift Akaashi’s head up.

They made eye contact in the mirror. Akaashi moaned low. 

Bokuto’s hand sped up. “You had me so fucking proud Kaashi,” he kept staring as he angled his head in to kiss Akaashi’s jaw, “You claiming me, getting jealous, well you have me, baby. All of me.” He bit hard into his neck. “And I’m the only one that gets to do this to you.”

The words were too much, Akaashi’s hand gripped the arm around his waist. “Ughhh, B-bo...”

“You wanna cum, Kaashi?”

He nodded, still staring at the erratic pumping in the mirror. His ass pressed further into Bokuto. 

Bokuto leaned in and whispered again, the warm breath tickling Akaashi as they looked at each other in the mirror, “Come on, babe. Cum on your boyfriend’s hand,” he squeezed his fist.

Akaashi started spasming, “GAH,” he slammed his hand against his mouth. “MMohhm” he moaned, watching as the white strings erupted from his cock. It covered Bokuto’s hand and fell on the floor. 

Bokuto slowed his pumps, careful of the sensitivity but still enough for Akaashi to run his high. He placed a kiss to his shoulder. 

Akaashi was breathing hard, chest heaving as he came back down. 

“God, you’re so hot,” Bokuto mumbled. 

“That was...yeah. It was hot,” Akaashi coughed out. 

Bokuto chuckled. He slowly unwrapped his arms to make sure Akaashi wouldn’t fall, then walked over to the sink to rinse his hands off. He came back over with a few paper towels, handing some to Akaashi before bending down to wipe up the mess on the floor. 

Akaashi cleaned himself off and pulled his pants back on. “What about you?”

Bokuto tossed the dirty towels in the trash. He wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s waist before placing a kiss on his nose. “Mm, I’m good. I’ve had all my satisfaction in watching you tonight.”

Akaashi’s eyebrow raised. “Weird, that’s not what your body is saying.” He pressed his leg into the tent of Bokuto’s pants. 

Bokuto feigned appall. “What do you want from me? That was the sexiest thing ever, of course I’m hard.”

“Hmm,” Akaashi hummed. “Well, it’s not exactly the same but I do have all those windows in my apartment?” he mused. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened. “Ok. Yeah, yes. Please.” He grabbed his hand and started tugging him out the bathroom and to the exit, Akaashi laughing behind him. 

None of the team said a word as they saw the two men rush hastily out of the bar after being gone for a while. 

They didn’t make it to Akaashi’s apartment. Bokuto’s bedroom was closer and he decided that yes, he could always go for more satisfaction and no, he could not wait a second longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED TO STOP WRITING SMUT. But I mean, come on, after such a heated and emotional chapter how could they not be all over each other???
> 
> Phew, this smut scene was a little much, gotta admit that but damn can you imagine lol
> 
> Hope the world is treating you all kindly and that you find whatever it is your heart wants.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	16. Deals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past month was filled with meaningful dates and teeth rottingly sweet gestures, both of them finding their hearts captivated with each other’s pressence.

Oikawa had taken them all out to dinner with the winnings he earned from the dating bet. He had said, ‘We are all too emotionally invested in this relationship and everyone deserves recompense for the agony.’

The whole team had welcomed Akaashi in with open arms (as if they hadn’t done so already) and were ragging on how it should’ve happened sooner (mainly so one of the other guys could win the pool so they didn’t have to listen to Oikawa brag).

Akaashi’s soul felt light. He felt like he could take on anything as long as he had Bokuto to lean on.

Declaring their relationship did nothing but strengthen them. The past month was filled with meaningful dates and teeth rottingly sweet gestures, both of them finding their hearts captivated with each other’s presence.

Although, even with all the progress they’ve made and the boundaries they’ve been able to expand, Bokuto knew that there were still some things that he had to make sure Akaashi was comfortable with beforehand. But he’s now learned where the limits are, and found that if he calmly listened to Akaashi’s concerns, then he can more than likely help him get out of his head about whatever it is.

It was what happened the first time they were at Akaashi’s apartment late and they were cuddling in his bed after…activities. Bokuto asked if he could stay over. In Bokuto’s head, if Akaashi was fine staying at Bokuto’s apartment, then he shouldn’t have a problem with the vice versa, right? But he could see the thoughts and anxiety immediately run through Akaashi’s head, so he distracted him with kisses while repeating ‘don’t worry about it’ and ‘tonight wasn’t the night’ and ‘no, I’m not mad’.

They had spent the next two weeks alternating between both their apartments (Bokuto always going home from Akaashi’s), when during one of their coffee dates, Akaashi had blurted out that he wanted Bokuto to spend the night. Bokuto was in the middle of taking a sip of his coffee when the man had randomly said it, causing him to immediately choke and have a coughing fit. They were both blushing madly (Bokuto possibly from lack of air) as the barista came over to make sure he was ok.

Akaashi did things on his own time, but he got there eventually. If you push him, you make it worse. He needs to process all the possibilities and get used to the idea. And Bokuto would wait forever if had to. Their relationship had already progressed further than Bokuto thought was even possible and he was extremely proud of his cool, calm, and collected boyfriend for letting him into his private life at all. Bokuto lived for the moments where Akaashi’s heart was bared open for him only, those times were seared into Bokuto's mind and he would replay them at all hours of the day when they were apart.

The volleyball player got smacked in the face multiple times with balls during practice as he would suddenly recall heated moments with Akaashi under him. His porcelain face flushed and raven hair tousled as he moaned out Bokuto’s name….

Akaashi laughed when he saw the bruises on his face. ‘You deserved it’, Akaashi said.

Each moment was sweeter than the last, whether it be teasing one another or dotting on them.

Bokuto was sitting at his kitchen island eating a bowl of cereal when Kuro came out of his room and tossed a duffle bag at the man’s feet. He looked down and stared.

“Are you kicking me out?” he said in between mouthfuls.

Kuro smirked, “With the amount of time you spend at Akaashi’s I should, just to save you the rent. But no,” he said, moving to the counter to pour a glass of milk from the carton Bokuto had out, “That’s the bag you leant me when I went home a few weeks ago. Figured you’d need it for Belgium.”

Bokuto choked, exclaiming once he had proper air, “Belgium??”

Kuro’s eyes squinted. “Are you serious? We have the training camp in a month….Did you seriously forget or are you just trying to pull one on me?” He looked skeptical.

“Holy shit,” Bokuto gaped, “I legitimately forgot. How the fuck could I forget that?” He ran his hand through his hair.

The dark hair man chuckled, “Relationships do that to you man. You’ve had a lot going on with Akaashi. But I didn’t think you would really forget something as important as this.” He paused, scanning Bokuto for a second, “You sure you’re gonna be focused for the end of camp tournament?” he questioned.

Bokuto sighed, “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just have to figure out how to tell Kaashi that I’ll be gone for a month.”

Kuro hummed, “I think he’ll understand. He knows how important your career is for you. Besides, you guys basically haven’t come up for air in the past month, geez.”

“Sorry that I can’t be away from my adorable boyfriend for long periods of time,” Bokuto sneered. “How did you tell Kenma about your first away training?”

“After lots and lots of sex. Guess you can’t do that though considering you two haven’t even slept together yet.”

Bokuto glared.

“Ok, ok, not really. Although I did spoil him hugely. There was a lot of chocolate involved.”

\--------------------------------------------

“Are you sure all you did was add in the piccolo line and reverse the melodies for the alto saxophones and trumpets?”

Akaashi nodded, sending a pleading look to his Sensei. “So you agree?” he sighed. “There’s just something off.”

Sensei Takahiro looked over the sheet music again, the CCS watching as the two talked through what they had just played. He nodded. “It’s almost as if now we have two conflicting emotions. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can be quite powerful, but, right now it’s not meshing even in a way of opposition. Just, out of sync and too harsh on the ears than what I think you’re hoping to achieve.”

Akaashi took a deep breath before asking the main question on his mind, “So what do you suggest?”

The teacher’s eyes softened, looking back at the score on the stand, “You could try to strip it down? Find the underlying tone you want to portray and build it back up but, there’s so much here that it would almost take longer to do that than to just take an entire fresh cut of it.”

That was exactly what Akaashi did not want to hear, but he couldn’t deny that he felt the same way as his Sensei. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” He turned to the rest of the orchestra, “Thank you all for baring through that and playing it.”

They all shook their heads. A flutist spoke up, “Don’t even, Akaashi. It’s actually really cool watching this progress! Even if it may go back to the drawing board now….”

Akaashi smiled, “Thank you Maria-san.”

“Alright, everyone take ten, bring your sheet music back up here.”

They all echoed back the ‘Thank you, ten,’ before shuffling around to place their music on the conductor stand.

“Well. Looks like I won’t be finishing it any time soon like I thought,” Akaashi mumbled.

“It’s ok, Akaashi,” the elder man said, placing his hand on Akaashi’s shoulder, “Finding what doesn’t work is almost as important as finding what does work. It just takes time.”

“Um, if I may?”

They turned. Maria was placing her music on the stand. Akaashi motioned for her to continue.

“When we first started playing this for you, it sounded, um a lot dimmer than what’s being mixed in now?” She rushed out, “Not like in a bad way! It was very moving it just, and correct me if I’m wrong, but you started this back in college, no?”

She saw the man nod. “Well, I think you’re trying too hard to compose from _that_ point of view when you’re no longer in the same state of mind? And as Sensei said, opposition and waves of contradiction can be very stirring but, not when you’re trying to write it to contradict something that you don’t even believe in anymore. Am I making any sense or am I just rambling?”

Takahiro beamed with pride, “Ah, my little chickpea,” he gave her a hug and shook her, “It’s statements like that that make me proud to be your conductor.” He turned to look at Akaashi. “I don’t think she’s too far off. A piece like this is a span of time - a symphony crossing many emotions and time points in a composer’s life. But, trying to fit years of knowledge into a specific time point where it doesn’t exist? It lacks. Because it doesn’t belong in that memory. It hasn’t reached the point in time of the song where it’s meant to be heard.”

Akaashi’s head was whirling. Had he been trying too hard to finish what college Akaashi had started? When had this turned into just finishing the arrangement as opposed to writing himself into a piece? He smiled at both of them, “Thank you, I think you’re both right. Looks like it’s time to start over. Who said a composer gets it done in one shot?”

A clarinet piped up from his seat, “Well, it’s actually rumored that Bach averaged 21 days to compose each of his works.”

“Shut up, Luk,” Maria and Sensei said in unison.

Sensei Takahiro shifted so his back was towards the seats, he leaned towards Akaashi, “That kid is such a know-it-all but damn is he a good clarinetist.” He patted his shoulder, “His heart’s in the right place.”

Akaashi grinned, “Thanks for this, Sensei.”

“Of course. Now. How is everything else, how’s that band, how’s the boy?” He wagged his eyebrows.

“NSO is….the NSO, same old same old. The band is good, Asahi should be coming back from filling in with the China touring group so he’ll be able to get back into shows with us.” His face started to heat, “And the boy, Bokuto, he’s…great.”

“Ah, Bokuto! So he does have a name! I was wondering how long it would take for you to tell me.”

“You know I don’t jump at the chance to share unnecessary information.”

His Sensei gasped, “Unnecessary? Akaashi a musician’s lover is the most necessary information there is!”

Akaashi huffed out all the air in his body to ease his embarrassment at the word ‘lover’ coming out of his elder Sensei’s mouth. “Ok Sensei, whatever you say. I’ll let you get back to your rehearsal. Thanks for everything.”

He grabbed the music off the stand and bowed swiftly to the musicians getting seated again before walking towards the door.

“Any time dear Akaashi, say hi to the lover for me!” his Sensei yelled.

Akaashi’s ears were red the entire trip back to the rehearsal hall.

\----------------------------------------

Something was definitely off. Even for Bokuto, the amount of attention he was giving Akaashi was through the roof. For the past week, he had practically pounced on any free moment Akaashi had. He would run straight from the gym after training to the rehearsal hall to take Akaashi out for lunch. He would call him while working out, when he used to say that doing that would distract him. He took Akaashi to the record store on fifth that the musician mentioned a while ago that he wanted to go to, Akaashi almost broke up with him right there when he wouldn’t let Akaashi pay for the records he picked out.

The usually rambunctious and energetic man even just patiently sat on the couch as Akaashi looked over sheet music, circling bits that he wanted to keep in his arrangement or reviewing upcoming NSO selections. Coffee, flowers, multiple blowjobs….by the end of the week, Akaashi finally called it when Bokuto was once again just sitting on Akaashi’s couch, now asking if he wanted to go to a showing of Carmen at the opera house coming up.

Akaashi threw the pencil down against the music rest on the piano. He turned to look at his boyfriend from the bench, “Alright, what’s going on? Spill it.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

Akaashi glared, “Carmen? You _hate_ opera. And this entire week you’ve been acting like you’ll physically die if you’re not in my presence. Spoiling me? Did you do something that you’re trying to make up for…?”

“No!”

“Then what’s going on!” Akaashi threw his hands up, “It’s not that I don’t love hanging out with you, I’m just confused as to why you’re obviously hiding something from me.”

Bokuto hesitated before taking a deep breath and straightening up from slouching against the arm rest, “I have a training camp coming up.”

The pianist cocked his head, eyebrows raised in questioning, “Ok? And?”

“It’s for a month…In Belgium.”

That had Akaashi’s breath freeze, his mouth hanging open a bit. “Oh.”

Bokuto got up and came around the couch, he knelt in front of Akaashi. “I’m so sorry, if I could get out of it, I would, but there-” He stopped when Akaashi put his hands on his cheeks.

“You’ve been trying to butter me up this entire week because you thought I would be mad that you have to go away for your _job_?”

Bokuto squeaked at being caught, “Maybe?”

Akaashi smiled and placed a chaste kiss on Bokuto’s lips. “You know it would’ve been better if you just told me so I didn’t think that I, or you, had done something wrong.”

“Wrong?! Babe, no! I just wanted to show you how much I care about you so you wouldn’t think that I wanted to leave you…”

“Bokuto, you don’t have to do that. You know that I prefer just being with you rather than you trying to buy me stuff.”

Bokuto sighed, sitting back and spreading his legs out underneath the bench. “I know, I just feel really bad.”

Akaashi slowly got up and softly lowered down to straddle Bokuto. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “It’s ok. I understand. Honestly, it might be good. I have so much work to do trying to start over on my arrangement.”

“Sensei Takahiro didn’t like it?!” Bokuto asked.

Dark hair shook in a no, “I agreed. There was too much wrong with it to try and save it. It makes more sense to start over.”

Bokuto brushed the hair out of the eyes in front of him, “I’m sorry, baby.”

Akaashi shrugged and smirked. “S’okay. With you away and not here to distract me I may actually make some progress on it.”

Bokuto squinted and leaned in, nibbling on the bottom of Akaashi’s ear. “Is that so? I don’t hear you complaining when I’m _distracting_ you. Quite the opposite.”

Laughing, Akaashi pulled away and got up. “We have some clubs booked to play at too that I’ll need to prep for.”

Bokuto huffed, “Aw, man I’m still going to miss seeing your band?!” He pushed himself off the floor, following Akaashi to the kitchen.

Humming, Akaashi pulled out some ingredients to make a simple dinner for them, or more likely for Bokuto to make them dinner.

Arms wrapped around him, “One of these days I’m gonna see you. All sexy and hot while singing.”

Akaashi forced the blood not to make his cheeks red, opting to harass the man, “Well at this point you’ll never see me play. And you say you feel bad leaving me for a month?”

Bokuto pouted, “Heyyy.”

Akaashi kissed his nose, “I’m kidding.” He rubbed his hands down the muscled biceps surrounding him. “But, you know, now that I know you’re leaving I’m not going to want to spend a second away from you.”

“Mmm, yeah?” Bokuto smirked as he kissed his lips.

“So about that opera,” Akaashi grinned.

Bokuto let out a loud laugh, his head dropping backwards. “Yes, yes, whatever you want.”

Smiling, Akaashi pulled himself out of the embrace. He pulled a pot out and started to fill it with water to boil the vegetables.

It was silent for a moment as Bokuto started cleaning and chopping the ingredients. “Hey, Kaashi?”

“Mhm?”

“If I ever annoy you with being too clingy, will you tell me?”

Akaashi paused and turned towards the taller man. “What? Do you think I’m annoyed with you?”

Bokuto shrugged and shook his head, “No, no, um…it’s nothing,” he grumbled, refocusing on the chopping.

A hand gently laid on top of his to stop him, easing the knife out. Akaashi pulled him away from the chopping board, “Of course you don’t annoy me. What brought this up?”

Bokuto wouldn’t look him in the eye. “It’s just…” He dropped his head, speaking low. “It’s one of the reasons Terushima said he left me. And when I saw you react to how I’ve been acting…” he shrugged.

Akaashi’s heart squeezed. “He said that to you?”

He saw Bokuto make a slight nod. “Before you, you know, came over, he was telling me how I had suffocated him and was being too annoying and reliant on him but thought that I had matured from my interview. I- I didn’t mean to be I just-”

Akaashi pulled him closer, wrapping him in a tight hug. He kissed his cheek. “Bokuto, what he saw as you being clingy was you just caring about him, more than he was worth.” He pulled back to take his face in both hands to force him to look at him. “And you can rely on me as much as you want.”

“I don’t want to have to rely on you for everything though,” he whispered, “I want to be confident enough to stand on my own and to not doubt myself so much. I want to be someone that _others_ can rely on.”

Akaashi smiled and rubbed his thumbs on Bokuto’s cheeks. “And you’ll get there, you’ll be able to walk assertively into any room and feel at ease. But it will take a second. And you’ll have to figure out exactly what it is you need to do in order to build that strength.” He touched their foreheads together, “And I already rely on you. I promise that I will never be an obstacle for you to get to where you want to be, but until you are, I’ll be your crutch. I’ll help you just like you help me. Deal?”

Bokuto’s eyes were gleaming. He reached up to intertwine their hands, twisting them to kiss the back of Akaashi’s.

He smiled.

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Bokuto spoiling the heck out of Akaashi because of nerves makes me squeal. And I hope you all were following along with what I was getting at with the conversation about Akaashi’s arrangement, I realize it was getting a bit complicated trying to portray a musician's thought process? Idk
> 
> Anyway, what's on y'alls minds? Got any fun plans soon? We gots some *spice* coming up in this story I'll tell ya that.
> 
> Thank you for all your kind words and comments, y'all are honestly the highlight of my life right now ❤️
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	17. Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not having Bokuto here this weekend gave him a lot of time to think. 
> 
> And what he thought about was how he needed more.

After being attached to the hip for the past two weeks, being apart for just a weekend felt unnatural for Akaashi.

They spent any time they could with each other in the midst of their hectic schedules, Bokuto still spoiling his boyfriend silly even though Akaashi repeatedly said that he ‘did not need the 10lb chocolate owl’. The dark chocolate sculpture had sat on Akaashi’s counter that night until he forced Bokuto to take it back for him and Kuro to eat. 

It shouldn’t have surprised him when the volleyball player showed up to his door the next night with an owl plush to replace it. Even though Akaashi said that Bokuto didn’t need to do it, his heart raced at the sight of the cute, little, fluffy stuffed animal. 

‘To help you sleep at night when I’m gone!’ Bokuto had said. 

Fuck, was he cute. 

But now, Bokuto was taking a weekend trip to visit his sister before he has to leave for the camp. Kira had basically forced him to since he was going to be away for his birthday. Bokuto had asked Akaashi to come with him to visit her, but wasn’t hurt when the reply was that he needed more time. Originally, he was going to go home to visit his parents, but they had to go away on a business trip for his dad’s work so he promised to talk to them when he was back. So, he packed a bag and went solo to his sister's place about three hours outside of the city.

But today had been brutal. 

And all Akaashi wanted was for Bokuto to hold him. 

First, Goshiki ran orchestra rehearsal. For some reason, he decided not to practice the selections for the next performance they had coming up and instead play pieces that he was working on. It takes a lot more energy than people realize for Akaashi to hold the deep frown he had the entire rehearsal. Suga’s face mimicked the pianist's.

Pieces that Akaashi wrote in _middle school_ were better than these monstrosities. At this point, it was just getting ridiculous that he held such a coveted position.

He then had to give a piano lesson. Akaashi usually loves kids, and he loves teaching them music, especially piano. But this little girl, Saki, he’s been giving lessons to for almost six months now and she _still_ can never remember where middle C is. Saying that ‘It’s in the exact middle of the piano’ doesn’t seem to resonate. And her mother was terrible, trying to blame Akaashi for being a bad teacher when he had specifically told her to work with her daughter on the lessons he gave the student. At least Saki was truthful in saying her mom barely even looked at the papers.

Needless to say, Akaashi was sporting a major headache when he went to band rehearsal. 

He had felt terrible. Asahi was finally home from his tour and they were all eager to welcome him back. And they were more than ecstatic to get him back into playing bass for them. The rehearsal was meant to finalize their set for their gig in a few weeks and get back into the feel of playing with one another, but Akaashi had to call it after 30 minutes. Everyone obviously understood, Yachi practically tried to force every piece of Advil she owned down his throat before Suga said that that would cause more harm than good. She then proceeded to freak out and apologize for almost killing Akaashi, throwing herself into a hyperventilating fit. 

Akaashi was finally feeling all the exhaustion catch up to him. But even in this lowest point of feeling completely burnt out, even if he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, he still wanted to be around Bokuto. Wants to feel enveloped in his arms and have him press soothing kisses to his forehead. 

The Advil he did take, combined with the long warm shower he took when he got home, had his head fairly back to normal. 

Now, he just wanted to collapse onto the couch and cuddle. 

Oh. 

Guess you can’t really cuddle yourself, can you?

If Akaashi can’t even handle a weekend apart, how can he handle a month?

Maybe the separation will be good. So much time together had him forgetting his normal routine, it made him feel like a stranger to himself. 

This will be the perfect time to refocus on himself. He’ll do some composing, catch up on shows and reading, it will be nice to wind down and reconnect mentally. 

But he can’t help missing his loving boyfriend.

He pulled his phone out.

**To Bokuto**

_How’s everything?_

It didn’t take long for a reply.

**From Bokuto**

_It’s good! Kira’s dying to meet you…How was your day?_

**To Bokuto**

_Goshiki led rehearsal…even worse, he made us play his pieces._

He saw the dots signaling Bokuto typing a response appear and disappear multiple times. It finally stopped and was gone for a bit. Maybe he got distracted?

An incoming call came through his phone instead.

“Hello?”

“Do you want to punch a wall or scream out the window because if you do the first I’m gonna have to veto it unless you put a pillow in between before,” Bokuto chimed through the phone. Akaashi could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hmm, I was thinking more along the lines of setting myself on fire?”

“Ooh but I don’t think your fire extinguisher is really up to code.”

“That’s true. What about just eating my sorrows away with tubs of ice cream?”

“Much better,” Bokuto laughed. “But seriously, you good? I know that must’ve sucked.”

Akaashi shrugged even though he knew Bokuto couldn’t see him, “I don’t know, I’m kinda just numb and tired of it all.” He paused. “I miss you.”

He heard the slight choke come from the phone, “Miss you too, baby.”

“How’s your sister?”

“She’s good! Upset that I didn’t tell her before now that we’re dating, but she got over it. Now she’s trying to figure out when to come visit.” He rushed out, “That is if you want to meet her, no pressure.”

Akaashi smiled, Bokuto was so attentive to his limits. “I think I can handle it by then.”

“Oh thank God, because she was going to break down your door whether you liked it or not,” Bokuto laughed.

“Ah, so you two definitely have the same energy levels then?”

“Absolutely,” Bokuto drawled. “So did your day get a little better after rehearsal?”

Akaashi made an indifferent noise, “Not really. Between private lessons and band practice I was pretty drained and had a headache.” He rubbed his forehead slightly, “But I’m doing better now that I get to talk to you. You just make everything better.”

He heard a sigh through the phone, “Damn, if I was there I would make you feel even better.”

Akaashi’s face heated, “Yeah?”

“Mhmm,” Bokuto hummed, his voice got low, “Most likely ending in you moaning my name and cumming all over.”

Akaashi shifted his hips a bit as he felt his body react to the timbre of the voice, “Are you seriously doing this right now?”

Bokuto’s laugh was at a normal level, “Fuck, I wish I could. I’m already sitting outside because my sister has the ears of a hawk and her walls are paper thin. But fuck, I wish I could actually make you finish through the phone.”

Akaashi switched the hand he was using to hold the phone, using his other hand to readjust himself. “Talk about being a tease.”

“Didn't mean to get you _too_ excited without me there, I’ll make it up to you when I’m back,” Bokuto purred.

Akaashi grinned, “You better.”

“Trust me, I won’t take my hands off of you. Have to make up for the time we’ll lose when I’m in Belgium anyway.”

“That’s true. What time-“

A female voice called out in the background, “You little twit, you came out here to talk to him?! Let me say hi!” The voice was closer to the speaker.

“No, Kira, stop-!”

Akaashi could tell that the phone was being wrestled between the two as the movement caused the speaker to crackle. The voices were slightly muffled during the fight.

“Nope, he might as well meet me now!”

“Come on, Kira don’t do this-”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” The crackle stopped as Kira gritted out, “Stop being a baby and give me the phone.”

Bokuto mumbled something incoherent before his sister took the phone and spoke to Akaashi. “Akaashi! So nice to finally talk. I’m Kira, Koutarou’s super awesome big sister.”

Akaashi couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped, “Hello, nice to meet you. So I guess you wear the pants between you and Bokuto?”

“Oh, absolutely. Which can go both ways for you. If he’s ever annoying you or won’t do something, you give me a call and I’ll pound into him.” Her voice went down an octave, “But you hurt him and I’ll pound _you_.”

“Kira!” Bokuto yelled from the background.

Akaashi just kept smiling, he wished he had a sibling that cared for him like that. “Duly noted,” he responded.

Satisfied with the answer, Kira nodded and said, “Good. Alright, well I look forward to meeting you, I’ll let you guys get back to your sex talk or whatever.”

Akaashi blushed red, did she actually hear what Bokuto had said?

“Oh, fuck off Kira, go back to watching your soap opera,” Bokuto’s voice was closer to the phone now.

Kira’s voice was more distant but was still heard, “Oh don’t act like you don’t like it. He gets more invested in it than I do, Akaashi!” He heard a door close as Bokuto let out a huff.

“And there you go, that’s Kira in a nutshell,” he mumbled.

“She sounds nice. And like you guys are really close.”

“Yeah, she’s the best. Embarrassing. But I love her.”

Akaashi fidgeted again, “So what does she have planned to celebrate your birthday? Which, by the way, you realize I’m going to have to make it up to you big time since you’ll be away for it.”

“Oh, stop,” Bokuto huffed. “I told you, it’s really no big deal. Kuro’s already planning something for when we're over there, didn’t bother to ask me but, that’s Kuro for you.”

Akaashi was silent.

“Seriously, babe, it’s fine. _I’m_ the one that has to go away, remember? Not like you’re missing it on purpose. Kira’s taking care of throwing enough cake in my face anyway.”

Akaashi sighed, “Fine. But know that I’m not happy about it.” He heard Bokuto mumbled in response. “Well, I don’t want to take you away from Kira when you don’t have that much time with her. I’ll let you go.”

“You sure? We can keep talking if you want?”

Akaashi shook his head, “No, it’s ok. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Ok. Bye Kaashi. Miss you.”

“Miss you too. Bye.”

“Oh, Akaashi?”

Akaashi stopped from clicking the phone off, “Yeah?”

Bokuto’s voice was quiet and low again, “Have fun getting rid of that boner, go take a cold shower or _something_.” Akaashi could envision the smirk on his face.

“Oh, I’ll have a great time here without you.”

“Mean, Akaashi.”

“Bye, Bokuto,” Akaashi purred.

“Bye, Kaashi,” Bokuto cooed back.

The phone clicked off.

The bed seemed so much bigger without Bokuto in it next to him. It will be weird sleeping by himself without Bokuto’s strong arms to hold him at night. And the feel of his abs pressed against his back keeping him warm...just the thought had Akaashi tingling. His boner was still hard in his pants. He palmed himself softly.

That’s when it hit him. 

When was the last time he had touched himself?

He supposed he didn’t need to since Bokuto came along...but it was interesting to think about how he couldn’t even remember the last time he did. 

Akaashi slipped his hand into his sweatpants. His dick was throbbing now as he pressed his palm into it. 

His left hand slid his shirt up, he grabbed it with his teeth to prevent it from falling. 

Digging his palm in harder, he groaned at the contact. Eager, he lifted his hips to nudge his sweatpants and boxers down. His fingers stroked his cock. 

It was a bit odd doing this himself now. He was so used to Bokuto’s hand covering a good portion of the shaft, his muscles flexing as they applied the perfect amount of pressure to grip and pump. 

Akaashi’s hand started moving faster at the thought. Sweat started to bead on his forehead.

His phone dinged.

**From Bokuto**

_Miss you ;)_

A picture was attached to the message. Bokuto’s chest was bare, showing off his toned abs. His black boxers were tight, Akaashi could see the firm outline of his erection, the tip of Bokuto’s cock peeking out from waistband.

Akaashi groaned at the sight. He imagined Bokuto’s hand rubbing him, the man’s lips caressing his ear as he did so. He could practically hear the words of encouragement his boyfriend says as he gets him off. 

He wanted more though. 

A moan escaped as he shifted from looking at the image to thinking about Bokuto’s mouth taking him in. His hand jerked in the same rhythm that he envisioned Bokuto moving his head. Akaashi’s head went back. He could feel his cock throbbing in his hand but he just couldn’t fist it right, either the speed or pressure was off. 

His chest heaved at the pain. _Shit did he want to cum_. 

He pumped faster. The head of his cock was an angry red, his shaft rubbing harshly against his palm. 

He wished he had Bokuto’s mouth right now so he could use his tongue and lubricate his cock. 

The thought caused his eyes to shift to his nightstand. 

_Should he?_

Another useless pump of his hand had him hastily reaching over and blindly looking through the drawer for what he wanted. 

Fingers clasping around the small bottle, he pulled it back before clicking open the top and pouring some of the lube onto his hand. 

Gasping at the coolness once his hand returned, he bit his lip as the slick lotion allowed his hand to move easier. 

He altered his pumps, urging the pressure to build. 

But it wasn’t Bokuto. 

Akaashi’s eyes started to sting. The painful throbbing of his cock was causing his body to sweat, his torso rocking back and forth while he tried to work himself. 

He gripped harder on the shirt in his mouth. He stared at his cock. What he would do for Bokuto right now. His boyfriend would run his hands all up and down Akaashi’s body, his lips sucking perfectly around his cock. 

Akaashi closed his eyes to imagine it.

But he didn’t moan again until he suddenly pictured Bokuto’s hips thrusting against his - right inside him. 

“Mmmmhm,” Akaashi started to huff, the moisture soaking the fabric between his teeth. His eyes opened again. He wants _that_. He wants to _feel_ Bokuto. He _needs_ him. 

He paused to open the lube again, depositing some on both hands this time. His right hand went back to weakly grip his cock, his left hand reaching a bit lower between his legs. 

Was he really going to do this? It’s not like he hasn’t before it’s just....picturing it being Bokuto was definitely new. 

He would feel bad about it later, he decided.

His left index finger circled his hole, the contact causing a shiver to go through his body. His throbbing cock reminded him that he didn’t want to be patient and he quickly started to sink the finger inside of him. 

Moaning, he began to pump his cock more earnestly, timing it with the speed of his other hand. 

He added a second finger. 

“Ah,” he huffed. The pain felt soo good. He hadn’t done this in a while. The lube allowed him to sink all the way down until his hand met the skin of his ass. He let himself adjust to the feeling, stopping all motion. His hips thrusted up on their own. 

He added a third finger. 

_‘Come on, baby,’_ he heard whispered through his head. 

“MHM!” He thrust his fingers, the shirt falling from his lips finally as he let himself pant heavily. 

Both hands were racing now, the blood rushing through Akaashi’s ears as he relished in the feeling. His eyes fell shut. And all of a sudden, it was Bokuto’s cock thrusting in and out of him. 

His voice caught in his throat, he started cumming all over himself, fingers still inside of him.

He leveled his breathing. 

Did he just masturbate to Bokuto fucking him?

But damn, did he feel so much better. 

Shakily shifting his legs over the bed, he grabbed some tissues and wiped his legs and chest off from the mess. 

He quickly changed into new clothes. 

Not having Bokuto here this weekend gave him a lot of time to think. 

And what he thought about was how he needed _more_. 

\------------------------------------

“Daichi, I swear if you don’t let go of me right now, I will beat you upside the head with my violin and make you pay for the repairs,” Suga exclaimed, trying to wriggle his way out of the policeman’s grasp.

Daichi squeezed tighter, “Only if you take it back.”

“Ok, ok!” Suga choked out, “Your uniform makes you look sexy, I swear!” He hit Daichi’s back to get him to put him down, the man letting out victorious hoots and placing him back on the floor.

Suga adjusted his clothes, “While we’re on the topic, I wouldn’t mind you wearing that next time we-”

“Babe! What did we talk about, not in front of people,” Daichi blushed.

Laughing, Suga took the bowl of popcorn he had gone into the kitchen to get and walked back to Akaashi sitting on the couch. “It’s cute how you think I don’t tell Akaashi everything.”

“Everything?” Daichi’s eyes widened.

“ _Everything_ ,” his boyfriend smirked.

The policeman sighed, “I really don’t know how you’re able to stay friends with him, Akaashi.”

“Says the one who has to date _and_ live with him,” Akaashi shot back.

Suga’s face scrunched, “Um, rude. Both of you, geez. No loyalty.”

His boyfriend closed the distance and placed a kiss on the silver haired man’s forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he mumbled, grabbing his cap off the table to head out for his shift, “Don’t you two get into too much trouble.”

“No promises!” Suga yelled after him, Daichi waved as he exited the apartment.

“Talk about opposites attract, you guys are so perfect for each other it’s sickening,” Akaashi smirked, taking a handful of the popcorn.

“Oh, please, as if you and Bokuto aren’t just as perfect.”

Akaashi blushed, “We’re…ok.”

“Mhm,” Suga mumbled, “Says the one who gave me a twenty minute dissertation on the way his _arms_ feel.”

“You have no right to say that when you wouldn’t stop talking about Daichi’s legs wrapped around you.”

“Cheers to that,” Suga chuckled, clinking his beer bottle against Akaashi’s, “There’s nothing better than feeling his thigh muscles tense underneath me when he cums," he shivered, "Oof man, that’s the best, you know?”

Akaashi paused. Suga may have always been very open about him and Daichi’s private life, but Akaashi had always been more reserved. Especially since there wasn’t that much to tell.

He glanced over. His hosts had photos of them from various points in their relationship on the table next to the couch. Some from Daichi’s promotion ceremony, a few at Suga’s concerts, then more casual ones at parties and family gatherings.

“Suga…” Akaashi looked at his beer, clearing his throat, “When did you know that you wanted to sleep with Daichi?”

Suga stared at him, a blank face as he blinked. Realization hit him. “You guys haven’t slept together yet?”

He saw the boy shake his head no. “Damn, I did not expect that. You guys spend more time together than Daichi and I do. And you’re like lovesick puppies. I would’ve never guessed.”

“I just… I don’t know,” Akaashi shrugged, “I wanted to take things slow. Make sure I wasn’t going to get hurt again.”

Suga nodded, “That’s fair.” His eyes darted around as he thought for a moment. “We definitely didn’t wait _that_ long before having sex, but I guess I knew that I wanted to take that step when my whole essence craved him, you know? Like, I wasn’t complete without him. And, I don’t know, it all just felt very...natural.”

He looked at Akaashi. “But that was just _my_ experience. Everyone is different. I think you’ll know when you’re ready.”

Akaashi ran his hand through his hair, “I think…I think am? But I just want to make sure. I kinda just went along with it in my last relationship, when Bo and I started dating I told myself I wouldn't until I felt it was right. Hopefully I don’t lose Bokuto’s interest until I figure it out.”

The violinist patted his leg, “Trust me, he most definitely will not. And if he does, if he’s that caught up about it, then he’s not worth it. I won't deny sexual chemistry is definitely a thing, but the biggest part of a relationship is respecting one another and their wishes. No one should make you feel pressured into doing something you're not ready to do.”

Akaashi smiled, "Thank you, Suga. I knew you were the right person to talk to about this."

"Why, because I can't go two days without tearing the pants off my boyfriend?"

"No," Akaashi said through the laughter, "Because you've never looked at me strangely or judgmentally in any way."

Suga tilted his head side to side, "Eh, except for the fact that you eat banana peppers out of the jar. So weird."

"Ok, yeah, you definitely judge that. But I appreciate you nonetheless," Akaashi gleamed.

"Whatever," Suga smiled as he took another sip of his beer, “Now. You wanna hear what that temp French horn player did to the first chair flutist?”

“Oh my god, you mean with the peanut butter? Yes, I keep hearing different stories!”

They spent the rest of the night gossiping like two school girls about anything and everything. Suga always was the best person to soundboard off of, always seeing things from every different view point and never denying one their opinions and emotions.

Akaashi woke up the next morning feeling like the clouds had finally parted in his mind after the much needed one on one.

He couldn’t _wait_ for Bokuto to get back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *say it louder for the people in the back* Don't ever let a man or woman make you feel pressured into giving your body to them. Consent is real people and communication is key!
> 
> I really hope this chapter didn’t feel rushed to yall. I was so busy this week but I wanted to keep to a consistent update schedule!
> 
> Guyyss there's so much drama coming up here, I was yelling 'Don't' while writing it so I apologize in advance.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	18. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had made his decision long before now and knew that they didn’t have a lot of time before Bokuto left, but as he thought about the progression happening, he got increasingly more nervous. 
> 
> His thoughts subsided as he felt Bokuto’s soft lips on his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you THANK YOU to all you lovely readers who've left kudos, comments, subscribed, etc.. I can not believe how many of you get a little notification every time I post. Happy Monday!

“Yeah, that sounded great, Akaashi. I think we got it.” Kenma gave a thumbs up from behind the recording booth window.

Akaashi nodded and started to disassemble the flute. The track had come together fairly quickly, Akaashi coming up with the flute solo easily and pulling some old lyrics he had on hand to tweak, Kenma was then able to take them and put his own spin on them to make it match his tone more. The hardest part, and more time consuming than actually recording the track, was getting Yachi to even _agree_ to record the vocals.

Akaashi had practically discovered Yachi her freshman year of college. He single handedly built her confidence and only worked with her for any voice projects assigned to him. It was hard for him to connect with other students and found himself at a lost when it came to him having to partner with people other than Kenma. So, when he had heard Yachi humming to herself and liked her enough, he worked with her to find her true voice. They had a bond that was easily heard in their tracks. The only problem was that it did take a long time for Yachi to build that confidence. Akaashi basically had to squeeze the months of encouragement into a few conversations after orchestra practice in order to broach her singing for Kenma. But, she ultimately agreed so long that Akaashi was there while she recorded. Once that was done, the last thing to do was record the flute.

Having just done that, Kenma could officially get out of the studio and work on the editing and splicing.

Kenma entered the recording section, crossing his arms, “Thanks, Akaashi. Is it too soon to start working on the next one?” he grinned.

Akaashi let out a chortle, “I haven’t even left the studio and you’re already asking for my help again?”

Kenma shrugged, “Sucks to be so in demand, isn’t it?”

“Says the super successful DJ,” Akaashi grinned,

“Says the super accomplished musician,” Kenma shot back. “Which reminds me, I took a look at those drafts you sent me. I like them, I can definitely take a crack at polishing them and we can get in and record them.”

Nodding, Akaashi grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder as he picked up the flute case and walked to the door. They started to exit the room. “Yeah, that would be awesome, thanks. I know I’m a little rusty on EDM so, don’t know how much work they’ll need.”

The shorter man place a hand on his shoulder, “Akaashi, anything you write is great, the way you hear rhythms is above all. Don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Kenma, stop hitting on my boyfriend.”

The two men looked up. Bokuto and Kuro were walking down the hall towards them. Akaashi immediately perked, a smile breaking out on his face. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in practice?”

Bokuto took the backpack from him, putting a hand on his lower back to pull him in for a deep kiss. He pulled back, grinning, “Coach cut practice early so we figured we would come pick y’all up instead of having to wait for you.” He leaned back in, his voice going low, “Plus, I couldn’t wait to see you after so long.”

They were meant to get together the Monday Bokuto came back from his sister’s, but as always, real world got in the way. Their coach had gotten some footage of a team they’d be playing upon their return from the camp and had called emergency sessions for the team to run through it. And Akaashi had been booked well in advance for events. The double date tonight was the first time they were able to meet up.

Kuro cut in after having greeted Kenma, “Geez, you two better get used to it. A month is way harder than a week.” Kenma slammed his elbow into his stomach, Kuro hunched over and groaned.

“It’s ok. Kenma and I will just make out with each other to bide our time,” Akaashi deadpanned, slinging an arm over the DJ.

Bokuto’s and Kuro’s eyes popped out of their heads as they sputtered. The two shorter men broke out in laughter at the sight. The volleyball players tried to get the red off their cheeks.

“Whatever,” Kuro grumbled, “Can we just go eat now? No need to wait till later, right?”

Bokuto grabbed Akaashi’s hand, squeezing it tight as they walked to his car. He placed Akaashi’s bag in the backseat before calling over to Kuro getting into Kenma’s car, “We’re going to the one on Varden?”

Kuro nodded, “Yeah, Kenma’s calling ahead now for a table. We’ll see you there.”

Bokuto waved and got in the driver seat, the door had barely even closed before he was reaching over to pull Akaashi’s face to his. Akaashi gasped, grabbing the back of Bokuto’s head with one hand, his other running down the front of his chest.

Bokuto bit softly at Akaashi’s lower lip, the younger man opening his mouth to let Bokuto’s tongue in, leaning his head in closer. Their tongues danced along one another’s, Akaashi moaning at the feel of Bokuto squeezing his thigh. He finally pulled back to catch his breath, Bokuto placing kisses on his forehead as he panted.

“I missed you,” Bokuto mumbled.

“Mmm, missed you too,” Akaashi responded, still clutching the front of his boyfriend’s shirt. He moved one hand to gently rest right next to Bokuto’s pant zipper, his thumb just slightly rubbing against Bokuto’s dick. He leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Don’t forget, you owe me.”

Bokuto groaned, “Oh trust me, I remember.” He grinned. “How’d that picture help?”

He saw the ends of Akaashi’s mouth pull back, “Oh, I had a very good time, thanks. You missed out on a good show.”

“Fuck, do we have to go to dinner?”

Akaashi laughed before leaning all the way back to start to pullon his seatbelt. “Yes, we do. I’m hungry and you can wait.”

Bokuto pouted, “You kill me sometimes, you know that?”

“Oh, I know. I live for it.”

Bokuto gripped Akaashi’s thigh while he drove to the restaurant. He couldn’t help but marvel at how well Akaashi gets along with his roommate and friend. Granted, Akaashi was already good friends with Kenma before he even knew him, but it was just the icing on the cake that they had such a good relationship. And Akaashi wasn’t afraid anymore to shoot whatever sass Kuro gave him right back to him. It filled Bokuto with pride to see his boyfriend keep his best friend on his toes.

They paid the bills and headed to the exit. Kuro spoke before they went to their cars, “We’ll let you guys have the apartment tonight. Don’t wanna be there as you guys make up for the lost time, especially since we’re leaving in a week for the camp.”

Akaashi may have gotten better at the quick remarks, but comments like that still made him blush. Bokuto responded for them, “We can go to Akaashi’s you know?”

Kuro shook his head, “Nah, it’s becoming a hobby of mine to see if we can be louder than Kageyama and Hinata.” Kenma rolled his eyes before getting into the car.

“Kuro’s definitely into some weird things,” Akaashi mumbled once they were in their own car.

Chuckling, “Trust me, that isn’t even the weirdest thing he’s told me about their sex life,” Bokuto said.

The drive back was spent with Bokuto filling Akaashi in on all the places he and Kira went, and relaying Kira’s 20 messages she had for Akaashi including: she ‘hopes you like taffy because for some reason she’s learning to make it and is bringing you some when she comes?’ and, ‘what’s your skin care routine?’ (because Bokuto had showed her a picture they took at the park one day), and asking about 50 times, ‘what do you see in Bokuto?’

Akaashi laughed at the recount and tried to provide as many answers as he could.

They were still clasping hands as they walked through Bokuto’s front door.

“You want a drink?” Bokuto asked.

Akaashi shrugged, “Sure.”

They took the two beers over to the couch, Bokuto slinging his arm over Akaashi and bringing him as close as possible.

“I missed just sitting with you like this,” Bokuto mumbled into Akaashi’s hair. “And your shampoo. And your soft skin. And your lips.” He continued to rub his cheek against the top of Akaashi’s head as he went down his list.

The smile on Akaashi’s face didn’t go unnoticed even as he brought the bottle up to drink. It was Akaashi’s turn to fill him in on his week. Most of it consisted of work so it didn’t take as long, but he did dish out all the gossip Suga told him about the affair happening in the trumpet section, and this new French horn player that’s temping. Even if Bokuto didn’t know the people, he loved hearing the drama of the orchestra. It was almost as good as the shows he watches with Kira, he remarked.

By the time Akaashi had gotten through the stories, they had finished their beers and Bokuto had reached his limit. He kissed down Akaashi’s neck, the man moving with him as he slowly leaned his back down to lay on the couch.

Bokuto held Akaashi’s chin, slightly pressing it up and sucking on the sensitive line of Akaashi’s throat. The tall man dug his hips into the other’s at the same time he bit down, Akaashi letting out a moan when he felt Bokuto’s tongue lap at the teeth mark. He grabbed at Bokuto’s shirt from the back, Bokuto getting the hint and raising up to pull it off himself, showing off his arm muscles because he knew how much Akaashi loved them. He slung the shirt to the side.

Running his hands down Bokuto’s chest, Akaashi bit his lip. He had made his decision long before now and knew that they didn’t have a lot of time before Bokuto left, but as he thought about the progression happening, he got increasingly more nervous. Soft lips against his subsided his thoughts.

The sounds of their kisses smacked throughout the living room, the rubbing of their hips increased as the passion heated up. Bokuto’s chest was hot underneath Akaashi’s hands, his thumb rubbed at one of his nipples, causing Bokuto’s head to drop, moaning at the contact.

Akaashi added the spot to his mental list of Bokuto’s turn-ons.

“Take your shirt off,” Bokuto growled.

“Yes, sir,” Akaashi joked.

His heart jolted when he saw Bokuto’s eyes darken, groaning at the comment.

Adding that to the list too.

He pulled his shirt off, tossing it in the same direction as Bokuto’s.

Bokuto was undoing Akaashi’s belt, kissing down the now bare chest. Akaashi held the head closer as he felt warm lips travel down to his navel. The air tingled against his skin, he felt goosebumps appear on his arms.

Shifting his knee under Akaashi’s ass to get him to raise his hips, Bokuto pulled the pants down when there was enough room, giving a slight squeeze to Akaashi’s erection.

“Mmmm.” Akaashi bit his lip. He let out a small whine when Bokuto removed his hand to stand up and take his shorts off. The sight of Bokuto standing over him, his chiseled abs, and buff arms flexing as he leaned over to pull the fabric off his ankles set Akaashi’s desire aflame. He sat up and pulled the taller man down so that he could straddle him.

Large hands squeezed his thighs while Akaashi kissed along Bokuto’s jaw, all the way up to the shell of his ear. He took a second to travel back down to suck on his neck, leaving a deep purple hickey where he thought Bokuto’s jersey would cover. Bokuto let out a breathy moan at the slight hiss of pain. He ground his hips up into Akaashi’s, his hands moving to grip his ass, pulling and kneading slightly on his cheeks.

Akaashi’s head dipped as he stopped himself from letting out a string of moans. A finger lifted his chin, Bokuto placed a deep kiss on his lips.

“Bokuto,” Akaashi finally whispered out.

His boyfriend’s eyes were fluttering from the sensations, his hips still grinding up, “Yeah?”

Akaashi took a deep breath, reaching his hands up to softly hold Bokuto’s face. He looked into the striking eyes that were enamored with the man on his lap. He had never been surer. “I want to give you an early birthday present,” he mumbled.

Smirking, “Well, if it has anything to do with that pretty little mouth of yours, I’m all for it,” Bokuto murmured, leaning in to kiss Akaashi again.

Akaashi shook his head lightly. “I want to sleep with you,” he whispered.

Bokuto’s hips stopped, his eyes clearing a bit, “What?”

Akaashi chewed on the inside of his cheek, he gingerly placed his hand on top of Bokuto’s larger one that was still on his ass, pressing it a bit harder against him. “I’m ready.”

He heard the breath hitch in Bokuto’s throat, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Are you sure?”

He repeated himself when he saw Akaashi’s nod, “No, are you _sure_? Are you doing this just because you feel bad you’re not going to spend my birthday with me?”

“Bokuto,” Akaashi said firmly. “I’m sure. I want to do this. I want you,” he reassured, gyrating his hips more.

Bokuto couldn’t help himself. He pressed his lips hard against Akaashi, lifting them up in one motion, still holding the smaller boy. Akaashi gasped and wrapped his legs around Bokuto’s waist as he carried him to the bedroom.

Kicking the door closed, Bokuto laid Akaashi down on the bed. He continued his hasty kisses all over the body underneath him, rubbing their cocks together, still clothed in just boxers. “We can stop at any point,” he said.

“Bokuto, I’m fine. Please,” Akaashi said breathily, “This isn’t just a spur of the moment decision.” He wrapped his legs around his waist again, pulling him closer, “I want to feel you inside me.”

Bokuto groaned.

“Unless…” Akaashi turned his head away, “Unless you don’t want to.”

Bokuto grabbed his face. “There is nothing, _nothing_ I want more than to go to that level. But only if you’re truly ready.”

He slipped his fingers in the waistband of Akaashi’s boxers when he saw the nod, pulling them down and off his legs. Akaashi hissed at the air hitting his hard cock.

Bokuto leaned down and placed open mouth kisses all over Akaashi’s hips, gripping his thighs and slowly making his way to his cock. He wasted no time in taking the shaft partly in one hand and licking from base to head. Hands gripped into his hair.

Bokuto spent some time sucking on his boyfriend, pulling at the skin and on his balls. Akaashi was withering underneath him, his cock throbbing.

“Bo. Come on.”

The man leaned up and whispered in his ear, smirking, “So impatient,” he mimicked the same words the other boy spoke to him on their first night together. The comment didn’t go unnoticed as Akaashi squinted his eyes.

Reaching over the bed, Bokuto opened the drawer to his nightstand, pulling out a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. He poured some on his hand.

“Can you turn over for me, babe?”

Akaashi lifted himself up and flipped over, his emotions going haywire at having his ass bared on display for Bokuto. He hid his embarrassment into the pillow. A hand started to rub down his back, relaxing his muscles. “I’ll go slowly, ok?”

Akaashi could barely force out a nod.

A cool, wet finger circled the sensitive skin around his hole. Bokuto brushed over the pink flesh, adding a bit of pressure as he swiped back and forth. He kept rubbing his other hand all over, trying to both relax and distract his boyfriend. He slowly eased the finger in.

He heard the sharp intake of breath from Akaashi. Slowing the pace, the tight hole puled around his digit. He paused at the knuckle, making small circles to try and loosen the muscle, pushing it in again when he felt it give.

“Aghmm.” Akaashi gripped at the sheets as Bokuto started to slowly push his finger in and out, the muscles of Akaashi’s hole flexing with every movement.

Bokuto leaned down to kiss the boy's spine. “You’re doing great, Akaashi,” he murmured into his back. The muscles relaxed, he sped his finger up.

“You can add another,” Akaashi huffed.

He didn’t need to be told twice. He eased a second one in, the lube helping it glide in, Akaashi letting out another long moan. Bokuto stayed there longer, alternating the pace of his thrusting fingers, placing kisses and hickeys all over Akaashi’s back.

“So amazing baby, you’re doing so well.” He kept mumbling encouraging words as he poked a third finger at the hole, gauging Akaashi’s reaction while prodding the opening. When he didn’t make a grimace, he inserted the middle finger.

“Ughhh, yess,” Akaashi’s voice came out a bit higher.

“God, I love the way you moan for me.”

Akaashi shifted his head a bit so he could look at Bokuto, “Only for you,” his voice a bit strained, “Just you.”

Bokuto growled, increasing the pace and force of his fingers, his lips swallowing the gasp that came out of Akaashi’s mouth. He scissored his fingers, pushing the hole open and starting to palm his own cock, still wearing his boxers. He wanted to be inside of Akaashi _so bad_.

He kept moving his fingers while he rubbed his own erection, relishing in the musician's moans. The raven head turn again.

“Bo, I’m good, please,” he panted, his eyes going dark as he stared at Bokuto, “Fuck me.”

Bokuto’s eyes were wide. This vision would be burned into his head forever.

He eased his fingers out, careful not to go too fast.

Pulling off his boxers once his hand was free, he took a second to pump himself, locking eyes with Akaashi as he did so. Not waiting any longer, he pulled a condom from the box, ripping the foil open and rolling the rubber down his length. He leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend. “I don’t want to take you from behind our first time. I want to be able to see your face.”

Akaashi’s heart burst. Whatever the hell Bokuto wanted, he would give this man anything. He gave a slight nod, flipping himself back over.

He watched as Bokuto poured some more lube onto his hand, rubbing some on his cock and reaching down to swipe inside Akaashi again, the smaller man hissing at the contact. His eyes were wide. Bokuto stayed hovering a bit while he continued to swipe his finger.

Akaashi’s hips were thrusting up on their own, “Bokuto, please…”

Bokuto couldn’t contain himself anymore even if he wanted to. Grabbing a pillow, he shifted it under Akaashi’s hips to raise them a bit. His left hand held his cock pressed against the spread hole, rubbing it with his tip. Akaashi was biting his lip, chest heaving at the feel of Bokuto so close to being inside him.

Leaning forward, Bokuto placed one more sweet kiss before whispering, “I don’t have to if you changed your mind.”

Akaashi shook his head, “No, I have never wanted anything more,” he huffed. Bokuto’s heart was about to rupture in his chest at the look of pure adoration on this angel's face. He slowly pushed his hips forward. He didn’t break eye contact, watching Akaashi’s lips part in an O once the head of his cock pushed through the rim.

The lube decreased some of the tension but Bokuto was larger than most guys, even with the lube his cock was throbbing at the tightness. He went against his instincts to thrust hard and fast, waiting for Akaashi to adjust with every small amount he pushed in. He kissed all over Akaashi’s face once he was seated fully inside. Sweat pooled on their bodies, Akaashi gasping as he adjusted.

Bokuto’s arms were shaking as he held himself up. Akaashi felt _so good_. He was so warm and tight and gripped Bokuto’s cock _perfectly_. He groaned every time the man shifted underneath him.

“I’m ok. You can move,” Akaashi said, gripping the side of Bokuto’s face. They stayed looking at each other, Bokuto withdrawling his hips slowly, breaking eye contact once the sensation was too much for them to keep their eyes open. Bokuto rested his forehead on the smaller man’s.

His hips started gaining momentum, coming to a gentle pace of thrusting in and out.

Akaashi tensed, Bokuto could feel it. He looked at the man underneath him. His face was strained, biting his lip as he stared at where they were connected, his hips trying to match Bokuto’s.

Bokuto slowed, “Hey,” he whispered, “Stop overthinking it. I can tell you’re thinking too hard about what to do right.” He bit his earlobe, picking the pace back up and thrusting harder. “Just react for me.”

“Fuckkk, Bo,” Akaashi finally choked out, hands shifting to Bokuto’s back, “You feel so good.”

Bokuto’s breathing was getting harder, “Shit, you’re one to talk. God, you’re so tight.” He emphasized his words with each thrust, moving faster.

“Yes, _yes,_ ” Akaashi chanted right in Bokuto’s ear.

The words flooded Bokuto’s senses. He started thrusting in harder. “Yeah? Feels good?”

Akaashi’s entire body was shifting at the force. “MHm, ugh, yes!”

Bokuto groaned at Akaashi’s nails digging into his back, the pain added to the pleasure.

“I won’t break, Bo,” Akaashi panted, “You can go harder.”

Bokuto raised himself off his arms, coming up to lift Akaashi’s legs, his thrusts going in deeper with the angle and leverage.

“AH! Ah, yes!” Akaashi’s eyebrows were furled in, his cock bouncing at the force of Bokuto’s thrusts. It was a sight for sore eyes.

Bokuto felt his cock start to pulse inside of Akaashi. “Fuck, baby. Oh fuck, you’re gonna make me cum.” The sounds of skin slapping against each other ricocheted throughout the room.

“Mmmah,” Akaashi was whining now, words rushed together. “Me too, me too, pl-please.”

The begging did it for Bokuto, he quickly grabbed Akaashi’s cock, pumping in time with his thrusts, “Come on Kaashi. Fucking cum for me,” he ground out.

“GAH ah! Ahah yes!” Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut as his hips started shaking in Bokuto’s hands. He came all over himself.

“UngH!” Bokuto thrusted erratically, finding his own release. His cock pulsed inside of Akaashi, the condom catching his cum.

They were both heaving, their chests rising and falling quickly to catch their breath. Sweat covered their bodies. Akaashi weakly lifted his hand and gestured for Bokuto, he pulled their heads together in a deep kiss, still panting as they pulled apart.

Bokuto leaned back and slowly pulled out.

“Ugh,” Akaashi groaned at the sensitivity, throwing his head back.

Bokuto mumbled an apology before climbing off the bed and rolling the condom off him, tying the end and throwing it in the trash. He opened the door, disappearing for a moment only to come back a second later with a damp washcloth, taking care to wipe Akaashi’s chest down from his cum and gently at his hole to get the lube off, all while peppering his face with kisses.

He tossed the cloth once he was done, climbing onto the bed to wrap Akaashi in his arms, brushing the dark hair out of his eyes.

“You’re amazing Bokuto,” Akaashi said, a sleepy and satisfied look on his face.

Bokuto squeezed him tighter, their hearts were still pounding out of their chests. “Not as amazing as you are, Akaashi.” He nuzzled his hair. “Best birthday present ever.”

  
  


Song Akaashi and Kenma have been working on 

[On My Way](https://youtu.be/fm-nXA-K0Dg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG BOIIIIII CHAPTER (get it) BUT IT HAPPENED. AHHHHHH *coughs* excuse me AAHHHHaaahhhAAAHHHH
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed that as much as me. My heart is burning for a relationship like this. Did it go how y'all expected it to??
> 
> (Hold this chapter in y'alls hearts for the next arc)
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	19. Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi’s eyes were a bit wide. Bokuto couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol, Bokuto’s tone, or if he was guilty about something.

“Ah, ah, mmm,” Akaashi moaned. It was as if the floodgate had opened and they couldn’t keep their hands off one another. 

Bokuto’s thrusts slammed against him, his breath tickling Akaashi’s ear. 

They came together. 

Ever since their first night together, their sex drives wouldn’t turn off. The feel of each other’s body wouldn’t stop calling to one another. They were obsessed with each other. 

Bokuto panted, catching his breath, hair sticking to his forehead. He slowly eased out of Akaashi while pressing kisses down his back, Akaashi groaning at the lack of contact. 

He watched Bokuto stand up to take the condom off, throwing it in the trashcan in Akaashi’s kitchen. Bokuto quickly returned to the bed, pulling off the towel they put down beforehand, and laid on top of the still lounging man, making sure to hold his weight up as he kissed all over his face. Akaashi chuckled, trying to push him off. 

Bokuto finally stopped, rolling off of him and onto his back, his lips pulled back into a smile. 

A slightly sweaty body rolled closer to press against him, a nose rubbing into his neck, “Do you have to go?” Akaashi whined. 

Bokuto sighed, “Come on, don’t do that to me.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Akaashi mumbled. 

“Hey,” Bokuto murmured, looking down at the face resting on him, “I’m gonna miss you.”

A small grin appeared on Akaashi’s face, “I’ll miss you too.”

“I’ll call you, yeah? And we can skype or FaceTime or whatever just so I can see your pretty face,” Bokuto squeezed the smaller man as he said it. 

“I won’t be able to if you suffocate me,” he choked out. 

Bokuto let go. “That’s fair. Sorry.”

Akaashi pressed a kiss to his neck. “What time should we leave for the airport?”

Bokuto had basically stayed at Akaashi’s for the rest of the time they had together before he left. He only went home during the day after practice to grab fresh clothes before he picked Akaashi up from rehearsal. The amount of time they spent together made the remaining week go by in a flash, the volleyball player had to head out for the camp tomorrow.

“Coach wants us there at 8am so, probably by 6:30am? Sorry to wake you up so early.”

“It’s fine, Bokuto. I volunteered to drive you, remember?”

Bokuto hummed, rubbing their noses together, “I don’t deserve you.”

“I know.”

“Akaaaaashi!”

“I’m kidding!” he called out, moving to get off the bed. Strong arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Wait, where are you going,” Bokuto moped.

Akaashi grabbed at the buff arms, “I’m just grabbing something, I’ll be right back.”

His boyfriend pouted but let go.

Akaashi tossed over Bokuto’s discarded boxers, the other huffing at having to put clothes back on, before pulling on his own and rummaging through the hall closet.

He came back with his arms behind his back, a shy grin on his face as he brought them around with a wrapped box in his hands. “Happy birthday,” he smiled.

Bokuto’s eyes widened before a smirk grew on his face, “Babe, you already gave me a birthday present remember?” he moved to the edge of the bed, pulling his boyfriend’s waist towards him, “Or do you need another reminder?” he purred.

“Oh get off me you perv,” Akaashi laughed. “I wasn’t _not_ going to give you an actual present.” He shoved the box closer, “Just open it and be happy.”

Bokuto laughed as he started to rip off the paper, he made a small gasp has he saw the box, “Seriously? How did you even know?”

“I heard you talking to Kuro about it,” Akaashi shrugged, “Figured you wouldn’t have time to order a pair yourself.”

Bokuto turned the box over in his hands, his other pair of Bluetooth earbuds had broken. He vaguely remembered complaining to Kuro about getting his wired ones all tangled every time he went to the gym, but he never actually had a conversation about it with his boyfriend. He thought Akaashi wasn't even paying attention to the conversation.

“You’re too smart, you know that?” he grinned, wrapping the smaller man up in his arms again.

“Yeah, I know,” Akaashi flaunted, pressing a short kiss to Bokuto’s nose.

“Mmm, so humble too,” Bokuto smiled, tossing the musician back onto the bed.

They spent the rest of the day wrapped in each other’s arms, not wanting to waste a second of their time together. 

——-————————

Maybe it was a little _too_ quiet without Bokuto. 

Saying goodbye at the airport caused way more hugging and whimpering than was expected - mostly on Bokuto’s end. But they had eventually gotten the pouting volleyball player through security, albeit with Kuro practically dragging him by the collar.

Akaashi had thought that the uninterrupted time he would have would be beneficial, but now that he has spent the first four days catching up on much needed sleep and work, he was starting to go a bit stir crazy without his boyfriend there.

Bokuto had called him when he could, but with the time difference and him being exhausted after training, their calls didn’t last long. And with Bokuto constantly in practice, he wasn’t able to keep a steady conversation going with texts.

It was eerie not having his phone buzz continuously with notifications from the volleyball player, or falling asleep in the tall man’s arms. 

Akaashi wouldn’t deny that he gripped the owl stuffed animal Bokuto had given him pretty tightly these past nights. 

It felt like Akaashi was losing a part of himself and he didn’t like it. 

He wasn’t used to feeling like this. Bokuto had become such a pivotal part to his life that not having him there made him uncomfortable.

When did he become so dependent on someone else? He couldn’t decide how he felt about it. On one hand, it was nice to have someone to share your life with. But on the other, was this all he was meant to do with his life? Be part of a pair?

“Akaashi!”

He turned, gripping the clarinet case he had in his hand, “Hey Suga.”

“Daichi’s on night patrol tonight. You guys wanna have a practice session later?”

Akaashi shrugged, “Sure. Is everyone else free?” They turned to walked down the hallway to the practice stage.

“I can ask them after group rehearsal. I think Yachi’s still at her parents’ house though, yeah?” Akaashi nodded. “But everyone else should be good.”

They passed by the main entranceway, construction workers were in the lobby setting up equipment. “Oh crap,” Suga said, “I forgot they were replacing the soundproof panels. They’ll probably block off the practices rooms tonight,” he frowned.

“No worries. We can use my place if y’all want since I’m the only without a roommate,” Akaashi offered. “It would just be a pain for Tanaka to bring up some of his drum equipment.”

“I don’t have a problem with that,” Suga chuckled. “He could use some of the hard work.” They stopped at the long storage room before the rehearsal space for Akaashi to drop the clarinet in his locker.

Suga looked at Akaashi sideways. “So. How are you doing?”

Akaashi squinted his eyes, “I’m fine,” he huffed, pulling the key to his locker out of his pocket before jamming it into the lock.

“Mhm, because you look _totally_ fine,” he said sarcastically. “You know, if you’re lonely without Bokuto you could come stay with me and Daichi?”

“And listen to y’alls sickeningly cute antics? Absolutely not,” Akaashi said with a slight smile. 

Suga laughed. “That’s fair. Well, think of it this way, one week down only three to go?”

Akaashi nodded, closing the locker. “One week down, three to go.”

———————-

Bokuto threw his bag down on the coffee table of his hotel room, falling face down onto the bed still in his practice gear. 

Belgium. Was. Exhausting. 

From the plane ride, to not getting any sleep because of his nerves (and excitement at the same time?), to the jetlag, and the intense drills the international coaches ran them through - Bokuto was questioning just how much he loved volleyball with how utterly dead his body felt. 

_Nah, he still loved it._

But by the end of the week, all he wanted to do was to relax and sleep. Today had luckily just been a half day, the coaches obviously taking pity on them, but Kuro wanted them all to go out to lunch rather than eating in. Something about actually getting to see the city and all its beauties rather than spending all the time inside their hotel. Everyone seemed amped about it. And the fear of Bokuto eating by himself if he didn’t go with them was more overpowering than his desire to take a nap. 

He took a quick shower and toweled his hair dry, not even finding the energy to style it as normal. They were supposed to meet in the lobby at 2pm. The clock on the night stand read 1:15pm. 

He grabbed his phone. It was both a good and bad thing that practice distracted him so much that there wasn’t a lot of time to miss Akaashi. But the second that whistle blew and they had a break, his mind was racing to the beautiful pianist across the globe.

_It shouldn’t be too late over there._

He sent a quick text. 

**To Akaashiii (** **＾∀＾** **)**

_Skype?_

He moved to the desk that his laptop was sitting on, powering it up in case his boyfriend was free. He waited for a response. 

At 1:35pm, twenty minutes filled with Bokuto dozing in his seat, an incoming Skype call from his lover appeared on Bokuto’s screen. 

He hit accept. 

There was a ton of noise coming through the speakers, voices laughing and yelling jokes as notes from a few different instruments sounded underneath them. A drum was being banged on, a tambourine going crazy. 

Akaashi was focusing his laptop monitor, his face halfway in the frame where Bokuto saw a few people come into view as the screen was adjusted. 

He saw Akaashi turn around. 

“Tanaka! Chill! Come on guys!” he yelled.

Bokuto saw the man sitting behind the small drum set pause with his hands in the air, he let out a disgruntled huff. _He wasn’t wearing a shirt?_ Suga put a hand to his mouth to contain his laughter. A short man with a bit of his hair dyed blonde was rummaging through Akaashi’s fridge.

“Bokuto!”

Bokuto jolted, a weak smile coming on his face as he refocused on his boyfriend, “Hey,” he said softly. 

Akaashi’s face was red, some of his hair was plastered to his forehead. It’s almost as if _he_ was the one that just went to a sports training camp. 

“How was practice!” he exclaimed, his voice higher and peppier than usual.

Voices snickered in the background. “Shhh,” a deep voice urged through laughter. 

Akaashi bit his lip to keep from laughing. 

“Um…it was good,” Bokuto said. “What...what’s going on?”

A few chuckles hiccupped out of Akaashi’s mouth, “We were having rehearsal before things got…a little out of hand.”

“I’m sorry Bokuto, I shouldn’t have brought the sake!” Suga yelled. He ran up behind Akaashi, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he spoke in to the laptop. “But I just couldn’t resist, you know how relaxed Akaashi gets when he drinks, he needed it!” he hollered, his arms tightening around the pianist, shaking him side to side as he did so.

Bokuto knows _exactly_ how relaxed Akaashi gets when he drinks…

A tall figure entered the frame halfway for the first time. Tan arms came into view, reaching for Suga’s hands. 

“Suga, you’re gonna hurt him!”

“Oh please Asahi, you literally just slammed your bass into him!” Suga cried out, his words slurring a bit. 

The hands finally grabbed Suga off before the body moved in closer, the figure’s face finally coming into view as he turned towards Akaashi with concern in their eyes. 

Bokuto’s heart froze. 

Who the _fuck_ was this God damned gorgeous guy and why was he now gripping his boyfriend’s shoulders and shaking him?

“Akaashi, I said I was sorry!” the man, Asahi, pouted. “It’s not my fault that Tanaka pushed me when he was challenging Noya to a ninja fight! I would never hurt you on purpose. Please forgive meee,” he whined as he pulled Akaashi into his chest to rub his cheek against the top of his head. 

Bokuto was holding his breath the entire time. His boyfriend wasn’t pushing the man away? This was all a little too much for Bokuto to digest.

Akaashi mumbled something a few times through his laughter before Suga finally slapped the back of the tall man’s head. He let go and they started bickering as they walked away from the camera. 

“Ah, I’m sorry Bokuto. Things have taken a weird turn,” Akaashi said, words slurring just as much as Suga’s. 

Bokuto stared at the scene. “Are you drunk?” he questioned. 

“Mmm, I don’t think so? Maybe a little buzzed, I won’t lie,” Akaashi chuckled.

Tanaka and Noya were chasing each other around the island. Suga was now sitting on Asahi in the background after having wrestling him to the ground. “Don’t worry Bokuto, your precious baby won’t be driving anywhere tonight!”

Akaashi turned back to them, “And neither are you all, do you realize how much you’ve drank? You’re all staying here.”

“There’s the mom we know!”

Akaashi chucked a pillow from the couch at Tanaka for the comment. 

“I promise they’re not always like this,” Akaashi said to Bokuto, his words were coming out fast and breathless, his face still red as if he had been caught red-handed, “We’re rehearsing for our gig. How are you feeling? Are the rest of the teams good?”

Bokuto’s mind was blank. All these guys were staying over his boyfriend’s apartment? Suga he trusted because he saw firsthand him and Daichi’s connection, but who were all these other people? Especially this guy that looks like a Greek God and was begging his boyfriend for forgiveness…

Alcohol plus his boyfriend’s weak tolerance, plus a bunch of guys around him?

“Bokuto?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Everyone’s really good.”

Akaashi cocked his head, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, why?”

“You look a littl-“

“I’m fine, Akaashi,” he repeated. 

Akaashi’s eyes were a bit wide. Bokuto couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol, Bokuto’s tone, or if he was guilty about something. 

“Um. Ok,” Akaashi said softly. “Do you want me to go for a walk so we can talk?”

Bokuto shook his head. He was overreacting. “No, no it’s really ok. Sorry. Just a little tired.”

A knock came from his hotel door. A female voice called out through the door, “Bokuto-kun, are you coming?” Bokuto looked at the clock, he didn’t realize the time. He should be heading to the lobby now.

He called back, “Yeah, hold on, Kaori. I’ll be out in a second.” He turned back to the camera. Akaashi was looking wide eyed at him, the boys in the back still bickering and laughing as they drank more. “I actually need to go. I’m meeting everyone to go out for lunch.”

Akaashi visibly deflated. “Ok. I’ll…talk to you later?”

Bokuto nodded. “Talk to you later.”

He was about to end the call when Akaashi’s voice stopped him. “Bokuto?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you.”

Bokuto’s heart skipped. How could this amazing person read him so easily? His face softened. “I miss you too.”

\--------------------

Akaashi had texted Bokuto the next day to try and set up a time for a skype date.

Well. Tried to.

Bokuto hadn’t answered him. He knows it’s probably just because of his schedule, but it didn’t stop Akaashi from checking his phone every few minutes.

He had woke up pretty disoriented after the guys had stayed. It had taken him a second to get his bearings and to hazily remember them all passing out, but Akaashi could still hear the exact pitch of the voice that he heard talking to Bokuto through the speakers.

He couldn’t help but remember the girls from the first game he went to of the teams. He hadn’t really broached the subject of Bokuto being with a girl before but him not answering his text messages wasn’t helping his confidence.

**To Bokuto**

_Facetime?_

Akaashi looked at his clock, it should only be around 11:30pm there. Akaashi had woken up as early as he could to try and get a moment with the volleyball player. They seemed to just miss one another for the past two weeks. They had spoken briefly on the phone after their last skype session, but since then, his messages to Bokuto were left on read. He would usually wake up with some sort of apology text, but it didn’t make up for the fact that they haven’t been able to physically talk.

  
  
While in Japan the date was September 20th, it was still the night before in Belgium. Akaashi was hoping to be able to wish his boyfriend a happy birthday as the clock stroke midnight.

A knock came on his door. He left his phone on the nightstand to answer it. 

“Hey, Akaashi!”

“Asahi, what’s up?”

He let the man in. “Sorry for barging in on you so early but I’m playing for that wedding today and I cannot for the life of me find my copy of La Rejouissance. I think it’s still in the boxes I packed up to put in storage before I left. Didn’t know who else would have one on hand besides you.”

Akaashi nodded, “Yeah, absolutely.” He walked over to all his music. “Not sure exactly where, but I think it would be in this section.”

The cellist walked over to help him look. Akaashi’s phone started to ring. “Go ahead, I’ll look through these if you don’t mind,” Asahi said.

Signaling an ok, Akaashi grabbed his phone off his nightstand. Bokuto was facetiming him.

“Hey!”

Loud music started blaring through the phone. “Babbbbyy!!”

Akaashi stared at the scene, it looked like they were at a crowded club. He laughed a bit at Bokuto’s face going in and out of the screen as he jumped around. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“We are having a pre-celebratory birthday party!!!” Kuro came into the screen and started yelling hoots with Bokuto. Akaashi could make out the rest of the team in the crowd.

He grinned, “Well, it’s technically already your birthday here so happy birthday, Bo. Don’t get so drunk that you can’t function tomorrow, don’t wanna spend your birthday in pain.”

Bokuto was yelling over the music, “No faith, Akaaashi, geez!” Bokuto’s eyes focused a bit more on the screen. “What are you up to!?”

Akaashi shrugged, “Well I just woke up. I have some lesson’s I have to give today but that’s it. Maybe we could have another call late-“

“Found it!” Asahi called out.

Bokuto froze, bringing the phone closer to eye level, “Is someone in your apartment?” Bokuto yelled, his eyes looking intently.

Akaashi looked behind him. “Oh, Asahi is just grabbing some music for an event.” Asahi gave a slight wave from the background.

“But you said you just woke up? Why is he in your apartment so early?”

Tilting his head, Akaashi spoke slowly, “Because I’m the only one with the music he needs...”

“Right, sure,” Bokuto gaped.

“Bokuto, what are you-“

A girl came into the frame behind him carrying a bottle of vodka and yelling out ‘shots’, holding the bottle high to pour into Kuro’s mouth. Her voice sounded like the one Akaashi heard before.

He saw Kuro pull Bokuto, “Bo! You’re up, come here!” he yelled. The girl went onto her tiptoes to get ready to pour the liquid into Bokuto’s mouth.

“I’m gonna go get fucked up now, Kaashi. Have fun doing whatever.”

“Bo-”

The phone clicked off.

Akaashi stood there looking into the black screen of his phone, he could see his muddled and confused face in the reflection.

His ears were ringing.

What the fuck just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *groans* stoppppppp Booooo. 
> 
> But we can’t all just sit around singing koumbaya, right? Real relationships have real problems. Let’s all come to terms with that. 
> 
> Just FYI - we up to draft chapter 28 now.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	20. Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no use worrying over it when he and Akaashi were totally fine.
> 
> Right?

Bokuto had felt terrible as to how he left that call the other night. He shouldn’t have thought that it was a good idea to call Akaashi drunk and _definitely_ shouldn’t have reacted like that. But his drunken state had just elevated the situation in his mind and he jumped to the worst possible scenario. He tried calling when he had gotten over his hangover, but forgot about the time difference. It was well into the night for Akaashi and he was passed out.

Akaashi had called him back and kept muttering ‘it's ok’, and that he ‘hopes he had a fun birthday,’ every time Bokuto tried to apologize. The call didn’t last very long though since the musician was getting ready to go to his gig. Bokuto could hear the same voices he did on the first call shouting in the background for him to go, that one deep voice distinctive among the rest.

He doubled his efforts to keep conversation flowing, knowing full well it was his fault for not being able to talk as much. But it seemed like Akaashi was just as busy, a lot of texts went unresponded.

Rather than wallow in his self-pity, he focused on training. He was perfecting numerous skills, and training with people from all over. This camp was a great opportunity, they were all hoping to take home a bunch of new tactics in preparations for the Olympic trials.

There was no use worrying over it when he and Akaashi were totally fine.

Right?

He wiped the sweat from his brow with a towel, Kuro handing him a water bottle. “Only a few more games left, think we can take the tournament?”

Kuro took a huge gulp of water, “Depends on if you feel like matching my level,” his trademark smirk grew, “Don’t want you falling behind on the international scale.”

Bokuto scoffed, “You’re lucky I’m even on your team.”

“Oh, is lucky what you call it? I call it being a saint.”

He dodged the towel Bokuto swung at him, laughing in his face. He wiped his own sweat once Bokuto got over the taunt. “Oh, Kenma sent me a picture last night, I think he went and saw Akaashi play.” He dug his phone out of his bag, swiping at it to find the picture. “Looks like they had a pretty big crowd.”

Bokuto took the phone in his hand, “Damn, yeah the place is packed. Do you know what bar this is?” He pinched at the screen to see if he could recognize the venue.

“No idea, doesn’t look like anywhere we’ve been at least.”

“I wonder if-” Bokuto froze. He zoomed in further, looking at the actual group on the stage. Asahi had a microphone to his mouth, bass slung across his body, but his other hand was clasping Akaashi’s as he held them raised above their heads. Bokuto sure as hell didn’t think _that_ was needed to play a song. Akaashi looked like he was laughing.

Yeah, they were _totally_ fine.

“What’s wrong? Need to pee all of a sudden?”

Bokuto tossed the phone back to him, “Nope, just a sudden desire to slam my face with a volleyball,” he said, walking back onto the court.

What the fuck was Akaashi doing while he was away?

\-----------------

The rest of camp went by quickly, the two not being able to find as much time as they had hoped to be in contact. A few texts here and there, the conversation stagnant from being busy, a quick call in the middle of both their breaks to talk over plans for that Friday since Coach gave them off for a job well done. But that was it. The whole time, Bokuto couldn’t get that freaking picture out of his head, or the sight of this stranger in his boyfriend’s apartment. At least he hadn’t been shirtless like the other guy. But who knows what happened once he hung up…

Now that he was home, Bokuto had insisted on taking Akaashi out to lunch his first day back, he couldn’t wait the whole week until Friday to see his boyfriend. He was originally going to surprise him but thought better of it, he didn’t think he could stomach it if he walked in on something that would only hurt him more.

Bokuto talked to his mom the whole way to the rehearsal hall. Even though he had been there a few times already, he still couldn’t shake the idea of him accidentally doing something wrong. 

Talking on the phone was usually his lifeline in any situation where he was alone.

Somehow, it made him feel more normal, more accepted if he was seen talking to someone else and not just sitting there alone. As if, yes, he _does_ have friends and no, he’s _not_ a loner.

His mom wanted to know _everything_. Bokuto hadn't gotten to talk to her before the training camp and was catching her up on all that had happened and everything in between – including finally telling her about Akaashi. He was surprised that Kira hadn’t said anything, but didn’t even need to tell his mom that he was seeing someone for her to be able to tell through his tone of voice. 

“What’s he like? Does he play volleyball for another team? Did you meet him at camp? What color is his hair, I hope it doesn’t clash with yours.”

Bokuto stared through the window of the bus, “Mom, slow down, it’s not like I’m going to bring him home to meet you tomorrow.”

“Well why not!”

He was silent a moment, thinking about his boyfriend. “Because I actually really like him and I don’t want to pressure him into doing something like that before he’s ready. It will probably scare him away.”

_If he hasn’t been scared away already_ , he thought.

His mother gasped into the phone, he could almost imagine the way her eyes lit up, “My little boy is all grown up! Look at you, being so thoughtful!”

She sniffled softly. “Moommm,” Bokuto whined, “Stop acting like you would expect anything less.”

The sniffling immediately stopped, “You’re damn right I wouldn’t, I raised you to be respectful to everyone.” Her voice softened, “I’m just glad you found someone nicer than that prick Terushima. Nobody ghosts my baby.”

“Mom, you barely even know what the term ‘ghost’ means, stop repeating whatever Kira tells you,” he wriggled in the hard plastic chair of the bus. 

“Details,” she mumbled. “So what does he do?”

“He’s a musician with the national symphony orchestra.”

A real gasp was heard this time, “And he’s cultured? Oh my goodness, Koutarou I’m so proud!”

He rolled his eyes, “You’re only saying that because you love going to concerts.”

A mumble of disagreement came through the phone, “Anyone that can appreciate the art of what it takes to be in an orchestra knows the fine tuning of human emotion. I think you need someone _exactly_ like that in your life. Someone who can see how each string of your heart gets plucked in situations.”

Bokuto choked on air, his mouth hanging open. His mother was never one to say such romanticized things, she was very aware of her surroundings but never deemed it necessary to speak what she could simply think and keep to herself. Less friendships ended that way and the more social affairs she was invited to. She dotted on her children but never overstepped her boundaries with their feelings. She let them figure it out themselves, which is why it was so infrequent for his mother to speak so definitively about what her children need in relationships.

“I’m excited for you to meet him eventually,” he finally said to her. 

“Me as well Koutarou. I’ve got to go now, are you almost there?”

The bus stop around the corner from the hall was in his sights, “Yeah I’ll be fine. I love you.”

“Love you too, sweet pea.” The click of the phone sounded in his ear. 

Bokuto took the now familiar walk to the glass doors, pulling them open before stopping short in the doorway. 

_Was this guy freaking everywhere?_

The man he saw in the background of his calls with Akaashi, as well as in the picture-worth-a-thousand-words, was practically as tall as Bokuto. He hadn’t really been able to gauge his height from viewing him on camera, it dug into Bokuto’s pride even more. His long, brown hair was pulled back with the upper half tied in a neat bun.

 _  
  
Shit, he looks even more attractive when he isn’t hammered...and in person_.

The two were in the middle of laughing at something the man had said, Bokuto vaguely remembering Suga calling him Asahi. Akaashi was gripping his sides. 

Bokuto had never seen him laugh like that. Sure, a few louder laughs and chuckles here and there, but never the gut clenching, air cut off, gasping for breath kind that he saw happening right now. 

Still standing in the doorway, it took what felt like forever for Akaashi’s eyes to catch on Bokuto’s figure. 

“Bokuto!” he called out, the smile still etched on his face. 

Bokuto gave a soft wave as he forced his legs to move forward. This man looked _way_ too comfortable, and albeit extremely hot, for Bokuto to feel completely comfortable with the situation. His mind rushed back and forth between the facetimes and pictures he saw of this stranger.

Akaashi was still chuckling a bit as he finally closed the distance and pulled Bokuto in for a tight hug. “How long have you been here? Sorry, Asahi was mimicking Goshiki,” he explained.

“I do a really good impression of him pretending to know what he’s doing,” Asahi grinned. “Nice to meet you,” he held out his hand to Bokuto.

Akaashi jumped in, “Ah, right you two haven’t met in person yet! Bokuto, this is Asahi, he plays cello for the NSO and plays bass in the band.” His face lit up in realization, “Oh! Asahi, Bokuto is actually a good friend of Kenma’s too!”

The blood pumped in Bokuto’s ears.

_Kenma’s friend?_

“Oh, no way! He’s great, he recorded one of our quartet pieces for us. I don’t think I’ve seen him since then, which was what, last year?”

“Actually, he’s DJing this Friday and we were thinking about going. You should come!”

Bokuto’s head whipped to Akaashi’s, the shorter boy missing the wide look in his eyes as his boyfriend gave Asahi the details. 

Kiyoko called down the hallway, “Asahi, your next private lesson is here.”

“Ah, duty calls. I’ll see you guys Friday!” he waved and raced off down the hallway. 

A hand grabbed onto the crook of Bokuto’s elbow, “I’m so glad you’re finally back, I missed you.” Akaashi looked up at him. “What food are you in the mood for? Or we could just, you know, skip lunch,” he grinned.

He relaxed a bit, Akaashi’s shining blue eyes reminding him that there was no way this gentle soul would cheat on him. 

_Right?_

“Ah, whatever you want. I don’t care.”

Akaashi squinted at him before leading them out of the building. 

————————

**To Akaashiii (** **＾∀＾** **)**

_Dinner tonight?_

Bokuto dropped his volleyball bag onto the floor of his room, plopping face first onto his bed. Coach hadn’t given them a single second to breathe after coming back from the training camp. Iwaizumi was vouching the best he could for the team, but the most he could do was get them a long weekend with Friday off.

This time though, his busy schedule wasn’t helping Bokuto keep his mind off of Akaashi and this new guy. Why had Akaashi never mentioned him before now? Why is he all of a sudden all over Akaashi? And in his apartment at such odd hours?

His phone dinged.

**To Akaashiii (** **＾∀＾** **)**

_I have to fill in for Asahi’s duet partner at a dinner party tonight :/ Tomorrow?_

Bokuto groaned. Could this guy please stop hogging his boyfriend? He replied with an ‘ok’ and set his phone down on his bed, crawling off of it and into the kitchen to make some food.

Kenma was sitting at the island on his laptop, a bowl of pasta sitting next to him. He could hear Kuro’s shower running.

“I made extra so help yourself,” Kenma murmured.

“Sweet, thanks.” Bokuto spooned some of the pasta dish into a bowl, moving around to sit next to his friend. “What are you working on?”

Kenma’s eyes never left the screen as he slid his mouse around, “I’m editing some footage I took of Akaashi’s band. Trying to pull out the audio for them to use in reels.”

Bokuto perked up, “You have videos? Can I see?!”

Nodding his head and shifting his laptop so that Bokuto could see the monitor, Kenma opened up one of the clips he was cutting. Bokuto could see Akaashi on the center of the stage with a microphone.

“This is one Akaashi sings on.”

He pressed play. Bokuto’s heart was bursting, look how amazing his boyfriend is! He looked so confident and so at ease singing along to the song. And Suga was playing a guitar? Since when did Suga play guitar! He saw the same buzzed cut haired man behind the drums, the other short man he saw in the facetime was playing congas? And of course, there was Asahi, playing the bass.

“They usually have another singer but she was taking a break during this song.”

The video played on. Akaashi moved up and down the stage, leaning into the audience and amping them up before moving back to his spot.

Bokuto almost stabbed his tongue with his fork when he saw Asahi saunter up and lean his back onto Akaashi, his boyfriend just moved with him, leaning far enough back that his head was going over the other’s shoulder. They finally turned and started facing each other, moving in so they could both sing out of Akaashi’s microphone.

Even through the video, even from how far Kenma must’ve been standing when he took the footage, Bokuto could see how their eyes burned with energy, the distance between them minuscule. Bokuto slammed his bowl down.

“Bokuto?”

“I’m not hungry anymore,” he growled, escaping back to his room before slamming the door shut.

\-----------------

Akaashi could tell something was wrong. Bokuto’s usually never this quiet for such a long period of time. After being away for a month, he expected his boyfriend to not let him out of his sight. Of course they would have to work around their schedules, but that wasn’t anything new. But they had barely seen each other except for that lunch date when he got back and a quick coffee the day after.

_Did he do something wrong?_

Akaashi paced around his apartment. Ever since their lunch date Monday, Bokuto’s responses were shorter and shorter. They had planned to get dinner Wednesday night but when Akaashi texted him the day of to figure out where they wanted to go, Bokuto claimed to have practice. But he knows that wasn’t true and that he didn’t, because Kenma had sent him a screenshot of their practice schedule.

Now, Akaashi’s texts weren’t even responded to. 

_Why was Bokuto blatantly ignoring him?_

But Akaashi couldn’t think of anything. Heck, he barely even had the _chance_ to do something wrong in the little amount of time they saw each other. Maybe that was it. Maybe he spends too much time in rehearsal? No, his schedule was just as booked as when they had first started dating, and Bokuto knows how he would go in as a replacement last minute.

Maybe putting a label on them changed how he saw Akaashi? And being away for so long around guys who were probably way fitter and more attractive than he was finally made Bokuto realize that he can do better. And there was that girl he saw in the background of the club practically throwing herself over the team…

His heartbeat immediately picked up. He pushed on his chest to stop the pressure, griping the brick wall that held the small kitchen with his other. 

He _knew_ this would happen. He knew that defining their relationship would only cause more problems. That’s why he was so against it in the first place! They should’ve just stayed as is, not changing anything. Moments of every encounter they’ve had since they got together flashed through his mind at rapid pace. He must’ve done something wrong. Said _something_. 

It could’ve been anything. And that thought alone had Akaashi sinking down to the floor. 

No breath was coming out.

Eyes wide as he continued to paw at his chest, he couldn’t do anything other than curl into himself, clutching at his shoulders as he dry heaved. Sweat trickled down his neck. The taste of blood lingered on his tongue, his teeth breaking through the skin of his lower lip. 

The wording of every text he sent. _Was he texting him too much?_

The way they walked to the restaurant for lunch. _He held his hand, right?_ Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was mixing it up with a different time. 

Every kiss. _Did Bokuto just not feel anything for him anymore?_

And he had _trusted_ him. He thought he finally found someone to pour his heart into. He _slept_ with him. He slept with him. He did that. Gave such an intimate piece of his soul to him. Only for him to turn his back. _Did Bokuto just…use him?_

_Just like Daishou._

His phone dinged. 

Heart racing, it took every fiber in his body to crawl to the small island where his phone lay. 

This is it. 

He was breaking up with him. 

_Why can’t he do anything right?_

  
Taking a deep breath, he flipped the phone over.

**  
From Suga**

_Hey! Wanna come over for dinner? I have to tell you what happened at this bridal shower I played at today._

He immediately placed it down. No. He wasn’t able to go anywhere right now. He didn’t want to even reply. He _couldn’t_ bring himself to reply. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

He would just annoy them anyway. 

No. He didn’t deserve to have friends like this.

Didn’t deserve to have someone like Bokuto, obviously. The volleyball player should be with somebody like the people he saw in the facetime while at the club, heck that girl was probably more suited for him than Akaashi is. Bokuto should be with someone outgoing and beautiful and full of life. Not depressed and bogged down like Akaashi.

**From Suga**

_Or I could bring take out to your place! Whatever works, Daichi’s out tonight so…_

Akaashi hit the light on the wall, pitching the one room apartment into darkness save for the soft stream of light coming through the East windows from the street lamps below. 

He curled onto his bed, clutching the spare pillow to his chest as close as possible, the owl plush Bokuto gave him mocking him. He pushed it off the side.

**From Asahi**

_New Eric Whitacre piece published! It’s sooo good!_

His cheeks were dampening the pillow he laid on, shoulders jerking up and down as he hunched over. 

**From Suga**

_You ok?_

Eyes squeezed shut, he tried to focus on anything else, the constant ringing of his phone only making him more frustrated. 

Sinking further under the covers, he held the power button until he was able to slide the screen off. 

The blankets did nothing to comfort his clenching heart. 

He didn’t release his grips until he had worn himself out and drifted into sleep. 

**From Bokuto**

_Hey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only Monday and I'm already having a tough week :(( and it doesn't help that I'm on SUCH AN ANGSTY PART OF THiS UGH why do I do this to myself.
> 
> But for real guys, do what you need to do for your physical and mental health. And while Akaashi here doesn't feel up to responding to texts, NEVER STOP checking in on your friends.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	21. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So like the weak and pathetic person he is, he avoided confronting his boyfriend. Choosing to go to the rehearsal and hope that it would sort itself out.
> 
> Bokuto just probably didn’t mean to be so dodgy lately.

“You look like shit,” Suga said when he saw the bags under Akaashi’s eyes. The skin around his blue eyes were still swollen, his muscles aching from the crying, his whole soul felt crushed. “Don’t you want to go home to get some sleep?”

Akaashi shook his head, “Yachi went out of town for her cousin’s baby shower. Can’t not have a pianist,” he sighed.

Worried for his overworked friend, Suga cocked his head, “I think we can get by for one day. Do you want me to talk to Yasufumi for you? I’m sure he’d be fine with you taking a break.”

The pianist shook his head again, “Yasufumi is at the Eastern Asia conference. Goshiki is running rehearsal and I’ll be damned if I give him any more ammo against me.”

Suga didn’t look convinced as he stared at Akaashi, but he still gave a slight nod before returning to his seat with the violins. 

Akaashi didn’t remember falling asleep the night before. When he woke up, he first thought everything was a dream. But then he saw Bokuto’s unread message in the morning, scrolling up to see the lacking text interactions they’ve gone through for the past month and he knew that he hadn’t imagined it. Everything was a mess. He couldn’t bring himself to answer the latest simple message. He was too afraid of where the conversation would go. 

So like the weak and pathetic person he is, he avoided confronting his boyfriend. Choosing to go to rehearsal and hope that it would sort itself out.

Bokuto just probably didn’t mean to be so dodgy lately.

His phone dinged as he organized his music. 

**From Kenma**

_Are you still coming tonight?_

Akaashi chewed on his lip. He loved going to the club with everyone, the music and the dancing always gave him a sort of confidence. And it could be a good way for him to cheer up. Plus, he couldn’t just ditch Asahi now. But he would obviously see Bokuto there. What if he broke up with him in front of everyone...? 

He didn’t respond to Kenma until after rehearsal. Goshiki didn’t ease up on making them run through the exact parts that required the most piano on pieces that made Akaashi’s fingers sore and tired by the end of it. The understudy did it on purpose. Not that Akaashi minded though, it was actually a needed distraction. 

“Ok, I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. I know you’re not always about the whole ‘smiling’ thing, but even this is a lot for you.” Suga crossed his arms as he blocked Akaashi’s path to leave the stage. 

Akaashi paused. He wanted to have fun tonight, wanted to feel happy again. The only time he can get out of his head is when he’s with other people that hype him up. And Suga was the best wingman. 

“What are you doing tonight?”

———————

He was already three shots in of the whisky they had when Kuro told Bokuto to get off the couch.

“Why do we have to go out? We can drink here,” Bokuto droned.

Kuro pulled him by his sleeves, “Because my boyfriend is there. Because _your_ boyfriend is there. Kenma always comes to our games, we should go to his events.”

Groaning, Bokuto followed Kuro towards the door. He finished the beer in his hand and tossed it into the trash on his way out. 

His roommate stared at the act, “I thought you would be excited to hang out with Akaashi? You guys haven’t gotten to hang out a lot since getting back, right?”

“I don’t even know,” Bokuto sighed, “I don’t think it really matters anymore. I have a feeling that he’s over me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I think he’s hooking up with someone else,” Bokuto blurted out.

That had Kuro pausing as he pressed the button for the elevator to go to the first floor. “What makes you say that?”

Bokuto leaned his head against the back of the wall, “He got really distant during the last few days while I was away? And there’s this guy, Kuro I swear to God, he is the Hercules of Japan that has been drooling all over him. Drop dead gorgeous and they obviously have a deep connection.” He closed his eyes. “He’s always around suddenly. In his apartment. In his band. At the hall…”

He sighed as they exited the elevator on the ground level.

Kuro clutched his shoulder, squeezing it in encouragement, “Well, you’re just going to have to remind him that _you’re_ his boyfriend, tonight at the club. Stake your claim. No one will get in your way.”

Bokuto deadpanned at him, “He invited him there tonight too.”

“Bro, what?”

“Exactly.”

They got into their Uber that pulled up to the sidewalk in front of their building. 

Kuro sighed, “Well I don’t know, I just can’t see Akaashi doing that.”

“Akaashi doesn’t smile like that often.” Bokuto leaned his head against the window, “I can’t stop thinking about what might’ve happened while I was away. A month is a long time.”

“Come on, man.” Kuro hit his arm, “Buck up and get your man back. Or drink your sorrows away,” he shrugged. “I won’t judge.”

The rest of the car ride was spent with Kuro trying to cheer Bokuto up and get his mind off things. He was about to smack the man back to his wits before they finally pulled up to the club. 

Kuro looked at his phone as they got in the back of the line, “Looks like everybody’s inside already.”

Bokuto nodded absentmindedly. Ukai spotted them and waved them over. “I was wondering when you two stragglers would show up. Wanting to make a grand entrance?”

“Something like that,” Kuro grinned. 

“Make sure to drink enough for me,” Ukai smiled. 

“No worries there,” Bokuto mumbled as they walked inside. 

It was packed. Bokuto could just make out their group at one of the tables, they pushed their way through the crowd.

“Yo, I was wondering when you guys would show up!” Matsukawa yelled, Hanamaki was already hammered and hanging off of him. “You missed Akaashi playing on stage with Kenma!”

Bokuto’s face was emotionless as he nodded his head in thanks to Iwaizumi handing him a drink.

“Didn’t miss us enough to wait to start drinking, I see!” Kuro yelled, grabbing the bottle off the table.

“Oh, don’t be upset,” Hanamaki slurred, “You would probably be ten times worse if you had gotten here before us.” Matsukawa sat the drunk man down in the booth, the pink haired man’s head falling backwards to rest against the back.

“You know what’s actually upsetting though?” Oikawa chimed in from beside Iwaizumi, “Why Akaashi never introduced us to Suga before! He is such a hoot!”

Bokuto’s head cocked, “Suga’s here?”

He saw everyone nod, “Akaashi didn’t tell you?” Matsukawa asked. “I figured that’s why he got here before you, so that he could split his time between his friends and you?”

“Friends?” Even though Bokuto heard Akaashi invite Asahi, he had secretly been hoping that he wouldn’t show up. Who just goes out with another person’s friend group? And what, Akaashi hoped having Suga here would soften the blow?

Oikawa’s eyes raised as he tried to recall the earlier conversation, “Suga and a tall guy with a man bun? I think his name is Asachi or something?” He shrugged. “All I know is that he is one _fine_ man.” Iwaizumi slapped his chest. “Ah, but not as fine as you, Iwa-chan!” he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around him. Iwaizumi just huffed.

Bokuto did his best to take deep breaths. _Don’t jump to conclusions, don’t overreact,_ he chanted.

“Where _is_ Akaashi?” he asked, looking around.

“Last I saw they were at the North bar…yeah, there they are,” Matsukawa pointed, Bokuto following the path.

“What. The. Fuck,” Bokuto grumbled.

The three musicians were by the end of the North bar, the one that ran perpendicular to the hallway that leads to the bathrooms. Akaashi’s arm was slung around Asahi, body pressed fully into the larger man holding him up, hunched over as they laughed at Suga twerking in front of them. Akaashi was swaying heavily as he hollered at the violinist, gripping tightly to Asahi’s huge frame.

That was it. Bokuto couldn’t take it anymore. It was one thing if Akaashi was going to fling himself onto another man behind Bokuto’s back, but in front of him? And in front of all his friends? How could he do that to him?

He didn’t stop to think as he pushed through everyone to get to his boyfriend. So what if all his friends saw his breakup in real time. Bokuto was getting to the bottom of this one way or another.

He stopped in front of the small group. “What the fuck is going on here?” he yelled, his face visibly in rage.

“Bokutooo,” Suga and Akaashi hummed, all their faces red. Bokuto could see the almost empty tequila bottle behind them. Suga slid up to him and ruffled his hair, “Where have you been! You know, Akaashi and I have a great dance set that you missed,” he winked. He started grinding on Bokuto’s side.

Bokuto eased the man off of him, not breaking eye contact from his boyfriend, “What the fuck are you doing, Akaashi?”

Akaashi’s eyes narrowed, “Oh, _now_ you’re taking an interest in what I’m doing, Mr. ‘I’m-not-gonna-answer-my-boyfriend’s-texts,’” his voice went low as he mimicked Bokuto, his words slurred.

Bokuto was fuming, “Maybe I would answer you if you weren’t _obviously_ hiding something behind my back! And not very well, I might add!”

Akaashi looked confused at that, “Hiding some-” his knees buckled a bit, Asahi tightened his grip on his waist.

Asahi cut in, “Hey man, he’s pretty hammered right now, maybe now’s not the-”

“Stay out of this!” Bokuto exclaimed, “And get the fuck away from my boyfriend.” He stepped forward and slid his arm in between them, pulling Akaashi away. “Or did you _not_ know that he has a boyfriend while you’ve been cozying on up to him?”

Asahi rubbed the back of his head, his other hand coming up in surrender and a light chuckle escaping to try and diffuse the situation, “No I did, he actually wouldn’t shut up about you the entire time you were gone.”

Bokuto’s mind was fuzzy. Wait, this guy _knew_? And he has _still_ been making moves? He was either a jackass or just way too confident in his looks and abilities. Or maybe both.

Akaashi pushed himself off of Bokuto, a bit of his senses coming back to him, “What the hell is going on Bokuto?? Why have you been acting so strangely, why are you acting like this!”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw as Suga gently pulled Asahi away.

Akaashi moved so he was looking directly at his boyfriend, “Ever since you got back, you’ve been completely disconnected! You’re avoiding me, ignoring my messages!” His eyes were pleading, Bokuto thought he saw a bit of liquid pooling at the bottom of his lids, the strobe lights reflected off of them. “Do-do you not want this anymore? Do you want to break up? Did you find some hot Belgium volleyball player or something?”

“Of course not!”

“Then tell me what the fuck is going on!”

“You tell me!” Bokuto urged. “First, I see this strange handsome man in your apartment, not only that but he and a bunch of other guys stay over in my boyfriend’s _one room apartment_. And I mean, what the hell am I supposed to think when this guy is in your apartment first thing in the morning, on _my birthday_ no less?!”

Akaashi was starting to get irritated now, embarrassment rising to his cheeks at the scene they were causing, “I already explained to you why he was there,” he gritted. “And sorry if you were so hammered from some chick pouring booze down your throat to stay on the phone long enough for me to make your birthday special!”

Bokuto threw his head back, chortles coming out, “Oh, don’t even, A - that was another team’s _manager._ B - she’s a _girl_ , I’m _gay_ , not bi! And C - she wasn’t in my _bedroom_ at all hours of the day!” His arms were waving all over the place as he emphasized his points, his voice getting louder. “Then, I get back, and you’re hanging all over this guy. Laughing unabashedly with him, inviting him places, ditching me to help him. What the fuck happened when I was gone?”

“What do you mean what happened,” Akaashi said exasperatingly.

“If you’re cheating on me just say it!”

Was the music still playing? Akaashi couldn’t hear it playing anymore. He knows it was, people were still dancing. But all he heard was a high pitch ringing in his ears as his face turned to shock, his mouth hanging open. “You-you think I’m cheating on you?” he muttered.

Bokuto’s whole demeanor and heart cracked at the look of disappointment Akaashi gave him. He sputtered, “Well, what the fuck am I supposed to think? This guy is ten times more than I could ever be, plus you have the orchestra in common, you’re with him all the time with your band rehearsal, you have never _once_ mentioned him and all of a sudden he’s every-”

“Bokuto!” Akaashi yelled, gripping tightly onto Bokuto’s shirt to get his attention. “Asahi is straight!” he cried.

The wind knocked out of the volleyball player as he stared, his eyes mimicking an owl, “Wh-what?”

A few tears had escaped Akaashi’s eyes, his hands shaking, “Asahi isn’t into guys! He has been dating Kiyoko for six years now! You know, the lady who works with the orchestra??”

Bokuto’s head instantly shattered. The fog cleared from his mind, it was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him while he was sleeping. He was completely numb. What the fuck did he just _do_? Did he just accuse his perfect boyfriend of cheating on him with someone who wasn’t even fucking _gay_? He fucked up. Big time.

“A-Akaashi, I’m…I’m so sorry, I-”

Akaashi dropped his head, hands still gripping Bokuto’s shirt, “I can’t believe you thought I would cheat on you,” he whispered.

Bokuto raised his hands, hovering around Akaashi’s body. Was he even allowed to touch him? What should he do? Was that it, did he just ruin the best thing to ever happen to him because of his own misconception? Tears threatened to escape his eyes, he choked them back down, “I’m sorry, I-I just…I saw him and you looked so happy-”

He was cut off by Akaashi raising his head and pulling Bokuto’s face down, crushing their lips together. He kept them there for a long moment. They weren’t even moving, Akaashi just held them together harshly before barely pulling away. “I would never cheat on you Bokuto.” Streams were now coming down his face.

Bokuto’s heart stuttered. He pulled the shorter man into a tight hug, ducking his head into his shoulder, repeating his apology over and over again.

“It’s ok,” Akaashi mumbled against him, sniffling as his nose started to run. He eased himself out the embrace. “Can we just go home? I don’t know about you but I don’t really feel like staying,” he said softly. “Plus, I already know everything I drank will catch up to me tomorrow.”

Bokuto nodded. “Of course.” He held Akaashi’s hand as they slowly walked to the door, both men’s faces turned down.

Neither the team or Suga and Asahi said a word to them as they watched their backs walk away.

\------------

When they got back to Akaashi’s apartment, they still had barely said anything to one another. Bokuto’s eyes were crest fallen as he finally spoke up again, “I have never felt shittier. Akaashi. I am so, so sorry.”

Akaashi shook his head as he moved to get water, his crying earlier dehydrating him. “It’s fine, Bokuto. I get why you thought that.” He took some sips, pausing before looking straight at him. “But I won’t deny that I’m a little hurt that you thought I was capable of that. I saw you with people just like you did me and, while I admit I had a fleeting thought of the worst, I never once would’ve approached the situation like that. You-you really hurt me Bokuto, that you thought I would do that to you.”

Bokuto stared at him from the entrance way into the main space. His voice barely above a whisper, so contradicting to his usual loud chipperness, “I don’t really think it was that, I think it was my own insecurity to not being enough for you. I mean, I just left you for a month by yourself. I felt like you were in the right to find someone else to take care of you.”

Akaashi sighed, walking forward to raise Bokuto’s head with his hands, “You _are_ enough, Bokuto. You’re more than enough. And you didn’t leave me alone, volleyball is an important part of your life and I respect that. I wouldn’t have gone into this if I didn’t.”

He kissed Bokuto’s nose when he saw how sad he still was. “Hey. It’s ok. We’re ok, yeah?” Bokuto gave a weak nod before slowly wrapping Akaashi in another hug, resting his chin on his head.

Akaashi mumbled from below him, “But you should’ve told me your concerns earlier. Not just let it boil up inside you for so long.” Bokuto mumbled in agreement. “I can’t believe you even thought it was Asahi of all people. Half the orchestra is gay and you picked one of the few straight ones,” he chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood.

He felt the arms around him release, “How the hell was I supposed to know?”

“Well if you asked, you would’ve.”

Bokuto sighed, nodding his head, “You’re right. I will never do something like that again. I am so sorry for embarrassing you.”

“Mhm, good boy,” Akaashi said, patting his cheek. “And you owe Asahi an apology. You picked the gentlest soul to yell at,” his lips showing the faintest trace of a smile the first time since leaving the bar.

Bokuto’s face went red but he agreed.

“He recently just got back from a long gig of touring with the Chinese Symphony. That’s why you haven’t met him yet and why he’s around so much, he’s got a lot to catch up on. He’s always been on the shyer side of things which is why I was pushing him so much to get out.”

Bokuto just kept nodding. Akaashi rubbed his hands through the gelled hair, “Stop being mopey,” he drawled. “Let’s just watch a movie. You pick.”

The volleyball player randomly picked something as Akaashi turned the lights off and curled up next to him on the couch.

“Asahi is going to hate me now,” Bokuto mumbled as the movie started.

“No he won’t, he is quite honestly the nicest and most understanding guy on the planet.”

Bokuto groaned, his head falling onto the back of the couch, “You mean I basically went ape shit on a saint??”

Akaashi chuckled before placing a kiss on his neck, “Yeah, basically.”

The rest of the night was mostly spent with Akaashi trying to reassure Bokuto that they were ok until eventually the man fell asleep clinging to Akaashi’s chest.

Meanwhile, the pianist didn’t get that much sleep that night no matter how tired he was from all the emotions and the alcohol. He stared at the ceiling, listening to the slow and deep breaths coming from his boyfriend.

Bokuto really thought Akaashi was capable of cheating on him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Asahi and Kiyoko ship just randomly came to me but I'm kinda here for it, yeah?
> 
> Our bois getting through it, don't worry (too much)
> 
> Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and all your families are staying safe and healthy!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	22. Relative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi knew that Bokuto was still caught up on how he acted when he got back from the training camp. For the past three weeks, he could tell that Bokuto was walking on edge, regretting everything he did and said.

“Really good, Ren. You’ve got that piece down perfectly,” Akaashi smiled at the boy next to him. Ren has always been his favorite student to teach. Akaashi still remembers the day the boy’s mother shyly walked into the rehearsal hall one evening, asking to speak with the pianist that played in the concert the night before.

What had been a normal concert for Akaashi, had changed the little boy’s whole perspective. Ren, a shy and quiet six year old at the time, had told his mother the day after his grandfather had taken him to the symphony, that he wanted to learn piano. His mother practically cried with happiness. It had always been hard for her son to make friends due to his cautious nature - any time he came to her willingly about wanting do something, she would drop everything to do it.

Which is how she found herself walking into the rehearsal hall two years ago to employ Akaashi in to giving her son piano lessons.

Ren certainly wasn’t a natural, in fact, he struggled so much that Akaashi could see the poor boy losing confidence each session they had. So Akaashi had to take measures that were completely different than his other students, finding new ways to break down concepts and more engaging ways of learning music theory. And he’s progressed beautifully since then, finally forming a small repertoire of his own.

Akaashi looked at the clock on his window sill. Over the years, Ren had gotten used to going to his teacher’s apartment for lessons, something that none of his other students got to do. Akaashi had noticed immediately the very first time they used his apartment to practice (due to the renovations being done down at the hall), that Ren had relaxed immensely at the comforting and non-intimidating space. Akaashi had gotten permission from the boy’s mom to make it their normal meeting spot. It wasn’t long after that that Akaashi figured out the reason that he kept going out of his way for this student, was because he saw a lot of himself in Ren.

“Thanks, Akaashi-san,” the boy said. He pouted as he saw his teacher’s face. “Are we at time?”

Akaashi tilted his head, his nose scrunching a tad. “I’m afraid we are, Ren. Your mom should be getting here any second.”

Akaashi started to clean up the sheet music, handing Ren’s assignments back to him before moving to place the cover over the keys.

Ren’s little hands jerked out to stop him, “Wait, Sensei! It’s the end of the month!”

Akaashi stopped. “Ah, you’re right. How could I forget?” He pushed the case back up. “Promise is a promise. What is it today?”

When Ren first started his lessons, he would get so nervous to play in front of Akaashi, that he sometimes made the teacher turn around or close his eyes. He would freeze if he saw Akaashi looking at his playing, but if he couldn’t see the teacher then he was able to relax a bit. It had taken months for Akaashi to work out the stage fright with him. The only way he was able to convince Ren to work through it, was by admitting that he himself hated playing one on one for people too. The boy was shocked that someone as talented as Akaashi could be afraid of playing for people. They made a bargain that if Ren played his sessions without having Akaashi turn away, then on their last practice of each month Akaashi will play a piece for the student.

Ren hopped off the bench and moved to the books Akaashi had stacked on the wall length ledge. He flipped opened a random book, closed his eyes, and stopped on a page. “This one!”

Akaashi smiled as he took the piece from his student. “You know, one day I’m only going to play pieces that you can tell me the name of,” he smirked.

The boy just moved to sit back on the bench next to the professional. Akaashi placed the music on the rest. Ren had stopped on Chopin’s ‘Waltz in A Minor’. It was actually one of Akaashi's favorites, he probably didn't need the music but kids emulate what they see. And Ren had to get better at sight reading.

He placed his hands on the keys. Ren may only be eight now, but Akaashi still found himself nervous playing for the boy. It’s hard playing so exposed for someone, even a little kid. It’s why he doesn’t play one on one for people often. He took a breath and started to play, his hands rose and fell gracefully as he played through the lilting piece, Ren mesmerized by his teacher’s hands gracefully moving across the keys. Every trill had the student staring in awe, the last notes of the song rang out too quickly for him.

“Can’t you play another one?” he whined when he saw Akaashi’s hands lift off the keys.

A knock came on the door.

Akaashi pursed his lips. “Sorry bud, that’s your mom,” he said, getting off the bench to walk to the door.

But it wasn’t the boy’s mother waiting in the doorway when he opened the door. Bokuto was standing there with a shy look on his face. Akaashi felt his back straighten.

“Bokuto…Wha-What are you doing here?”

Not that he didn’t want to see him, they just didn’t have any plans for today. He saw the volleyball player rock back and forth a bit, “I um, was hoping to take you to lunch? I probably should’ve called first, I didn’t know you were practicing.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t. I was just finishing up a lesson.”

Bokuto's head cocked, “Oh, that wasn’t you I just heard?”

Ren came running over, his backpack unzipped and flopping as he came to a halt next to Akaashi.

“It _was_ Akaashi-sensei, I’m gonna be just as good as him one day!”

Bokuto’s eyes went wide noticing the small child before a smile etched on his face. He bent down so he was eye level with the eight year old. “Are you now? My name’s Bokuto. What’s yours?”

The small boy looked skeptical at the stranger for a moment before bucking up and answering, “Ren!”

“Well nice to meet you, Ren.” Bokuto glanced up, pointing at Akaashi, “You know, he’s _really_ good. Do you keep up with your practicing?”

Ren nodded, “I have all my scales memorized too!”

“Wow, that’s impressive! You’re already wayyy more talented than me.”

The student tugged on Akaashi’s sleeve a bit, “It’s because Sensei is so good! Do you play piano too?”

Bokuto shook his head, “Nah, I’m not as talented as you.” He looked up at his boyfriend, his eyes soft. “Or your teacher.”

Akaashi’s cheeks burned.

“And I am _very_ jealous that he plays for you and not me.”

Ren’s head dropped to the side, “Maybe if he gave you lessons too, he would! As a treat for a good job!”

Bokuto laughed, “I think I would be a little hopeless even if I had him as a teacher.”

“If you don’t take piano, how do you know Sensei, then?” Ren’s face scrunched.

Bokuto froze before returning to his full height. He made eye contact with Akaashi. “He’s my best friend,” he responded, his lips turned up in a slight smile. He figured maybe now wasn’t the best time to try and explain to an eight year old that he was romantically involved with his teacher.

Akaashi smirked, looking back at his student as he zipped up the open backpack, “You got all your papers, Ren?” His student nodded.

“Sorry I’m late!” A women rushed up to the door, slightly out of breath. “Traffic was terrible.” She looked at Bokuto. “Oh, hello. I’m so sorry Akaashi-kun I didn’t mean for you to be late for anything,” she said. Ren ran up and hugged her legs.

Akaashi waved it off, “No worries at all. Ren had a great lesson. I’ll see you next time.”

They both waved. “Bye Bokuto-san, nice to meet you!”

“Bye, Ren!”

They watched as his mother held his hand and they walked down the hall. Akaashi stepped back to let Bokuto in.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you had a lesson,” Bokuto said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “Do you want to go grab something to eat or do you have another lesson, I’m not really sure what you had plann-"

Akaashi cut him off, nodding, “No worries. Yeah, food sounds great.”

They walked down the street to a café that they’ve been to a few times, Akaashi grabbing Bokuto’s hand along the way.

Akaashi knew that Bokuto was still caught up on how he acted when he got back from the training camp. For the past three weeks, he could tell that Bokuto was walking on edge, regretting everything he did and said.

Asahi had forgiven Bokuto instantly, he completely understood the misinterpretation and then _he_ started apologizing to _Bokuto_ for making the situation seem like something it wasn’t. And they had already talked through Akaashi admitting how hurt he was, but the conversation may have done more harm than good as Bokuto had felt even worse afterwards. Akaashi didn’t want him to feel bad. Yes, he didn’t like that Bokuto thought he could cheat on him, but once they talked it through he understood where Bokuto was coming from. Bokuto’s insecurity had always been his fatal flaw. Akaashi just had to figure out how to make his boyfriend realize that he knows what happened was due to Bokuto’s past, not his present.

He squeezed Bokuto’s hand, seeing the tall man's shoulders relax a bit out of the corner of his eye.

“You know, it is kind of rude that you play for Ren but not me,” he smirked.

Akaashi chuckled, “Like he said, play some piano for me and you might get a special treat.” He winked.

“Ooh, do I get to pick a reward?”

Akaashi smirked, “Depends how good you are,” he said coyly.

  
\------------------------

“Bokuto! That’s not fair and you know it!” Akaashi laughed, leaning over the couch, practically on top of Bokuto while he tried to knock the remote out of his hand.

“Just because you’re losing doesn’t mean I can’t hit you with a banana!” he yelled back, throwing his shoulder to knock Akaashi off of him.

They had spent the remainder of the day lazing around the city before going back to Bokuto’s apartment, Bokuto still seeming to walk on egg shells around Akaashi and acting like he was in a small room filled with glass figurines, constantly afraid of shattering one. This had been the first time all day that Akaashi felt like they were back to how things were before.

Kuro called from the kitchen, “Haven’t we ever told you that Mario Kart ruins relationships? You know how many times Kenma and I almost broke up over an ill-timed shell?”

The race ended with Bokuto crossing the finish line right before Akaashi, his chosen character of Luigi raising his hands in victory.

Akaashi tossed the remote at Bokuto, “That’s it. I wanna break up.”

Pouting, Bokuto leaned over and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, smothering his face into his chest, “Akaaasshhhiiii!!!”

Akaashi laughed, pushing his hands against his chest to get his head free, not fighting seriously though to relish in the feel of Bokuto’s arms around him finally. “One of these days I’ll beat you.”

“Mmhmm,” Bokuto hummed, “But until then, I’ll take my reward kisses pleaseee.” He started peppering Akaashi’s face with quick kisses, Akaashi still chuckling.

Kuro walked by the living room with a bowl of popcorn. “Ugh, gross,” he grumbled as he made his way to his room.

Bokuto called after him, “Don’t act like you don’t have Kenma in there naked on your bed!”

“Fair enough!” Kuro yelled through the closed door.

“You know,” Akaashi whispered, “Sometimes I think you and Kuro are _too_ open with each other.”

“Says the one who has Suga spilling all his sexcapades with Daichi to.”

Akaashi pressed his lips into a line, “Touché.” He ran his hands down Bokuto’s arms. They had barely touched one another more than hand holding or quick hugs ever since their fight. Akaashi knew that if anything more was going to happen, then he needed to be the one to initiate it. Bokuto is too scared of crossing an invisible boundary he thinks has been made. Akaashi just wanted everything to go back to normal, wanted Bokuto to feel at ease with him again. And he wouldn't deny that he missed _other_ things as well. He pressed a kiss to his lips, Bokuto staying still as he let Akaashi take the lead. They released, the sound going through out the room.

“Bokuto,” he whispered, rubbing his nose against his boyfriend’s neck.

He felt Bokuto swallow, “Yeah?”

  
  
“I miss you,” he said, gripping Bokuto’s shirt.

“Wha-"

“I miss feeling you.” Akaashi looked into his eyes, a bit dimmer than they used to be around him, “I miss your easy going smile that makes my heart flutter every time I see it. And the way you would always take my hand first. Or pull me towards you.” He felt his lip tremble a bit. “Please, stop. This isn’t the person I wanted to date, not the one-” he stopped, taking a breath. “I feel like I’ve lost you,” he said, looking down.

Hands grabbed his face before he felt lips against his. He gasped when they released. “You haven’t lost me,” Bokuto mumbled. He chewed on his lip for a moment, “I didn’t know if you still wanted me.”

Akaashi put his hands over the ones holding his face, “I’ll always want you, Bokuto,” he reassured.

Bokuto couldn’t help himself, he too felt the deprivation that he had been doing both consciously and subconsciously. He hadn’t want to rush Akaashi again, it wasn't his _right_ to want these things from him. But as he listened to Akaashi’s soft pleading and looked into his starved eyes, he realized he wasn’t just hurting himself while trying to make up for what he did. He crashed their lips together again, pulling Akaashi so that the smaller man was straddling him. He nipped at Akaashi’s lower lip, eager to be inside and claim his mouth. Akaashi moaned as he parted his lips, grinding into Bokuto’s hip. He felt Bokuto grab his ass, spreading his cheeks a bit.

Akaashi wouldn’t lie and admitted that he had been horny for way too long. 

He pushed off Bokuto’s lap, holding his hand out while standing over his boyfriend. Bokuto clasped it and followed as Akaashi led him to the room down the hall. They stopped as soon as they passed the door frame, closing the door and resuming their heated kissing. The energy was through the roof, their skin burning with both shirts shed, both eager to have their hands on one another after so long.

Bokuto backed Akaashi up against the wall, kissing down his neck and chest while slowly sinking to his knees, the skin burning against his lips.

“Bo-"

“Sh, sh. I want to.”

He undid Akaashi’s belt, pulling down his pants and boxers in one fell swoop. Akaashi’s cock was half hard. He moaned, feeling Bokuto’s hand grab him, doing slight pumps as he also kissed down his thighs.

“Bo!” He cried when he felt lips wrap around his cock, his hands laid on Bokuto’s head. It had been too long since he felt his boyfriend’s touch.

Bokuto kept both his hands on either side of Akaashi’s hips, mouth starting to bob up and down Akaashi’s length. His tongue licked all over as he hollowed out his cheeks, using his spit to glide further down.

He heard Akaashi’s head hit the door, hips moving further into Bokuto’s mouth. Bokuto couldn’t resist as he reached a hand around and prodded Akaashi’s hole with a finger.

“Ah! Ah,” Akaashi huffed, pulling gently on Bokuto’s hair. Bokuto stared up at him, continuing to suck on the cock and nudge his finger in deeper, the look of his boyfriend falling apart at his touch going straight to his groin.

When he felt Akaashi’s dick start to throb, he slowly pulled his mouth off and removed his finger. Pulling Akaashi towards the bed, he gently laid him down close to the edge as he removed his own pants. Once they were off, he spread Akaashi’s legs, lowering his head again but this time, passing the now dripping cock and moving his tongue to encircle the tight red hole.

He heard Akaashi’s sharp intake of breath, his thigh muscles tightening when he felt Bokuto’s warm tongue prod at his entrance. “Bokuto…” he huffed.

Bokuto let out a deep rumble, pushing his tongue in. Akaashi threw his head back, moaning at the sensation. The larger man spent some time alternating between his tongue and pushing a finger in. Akaashi was tighter than he usually was. When it was time for him to move on to adding a second finger, he leaned over to grab the bottle of lube from his nightstand. He held his body over Akaashi, kissing him sweetly as he pressed the two fingers inside him. They both groaned at the feeling. He slipped a third one in when he was loose enough.

He looked at Akaashi, his eyes asking a silent question as he saw the boy underneath him nod quickly.

Bokuto grabbed a condom. He rolled it onto himself and started to lean back to lift one of Akaashi’s legs when Akaashi pushed himself up and navigated Bokuto onto his back. Bokuto’s eyebrow cocked as he saw Akaashi start to straddle him.

“Akaashi…”

He was silenced by Akaashi kissing him. “Sh, sh. I want to,” he mimicked. Bokuto grinned as Akaashi slowly started to sink down, his face scrunching at the stretch.

“Ughh, fuck,” he moaned.

Bokuto ran his hands down his back, “Go slowly,” he whispered, using all his strength to prevent himself from bucking his hips up. Seeing Akaashi ride him already had him close to cumming, but it had been too long since they were last with each other - if Bokuto thrusted as he used to he would only hurt his precious boyfriend.

Akaashi held his weight up with his hands, pressing on Bokuto’s chest. He gripped at the pec muscles, urging himself to relax, groaning as he sank inch by inch on Bokuto.

He stopped when he was fully seated, pausing to adjust. He leaned his forehead down onto Bokuto’s, looking him in the eyes as he whispered, “You have me, Bokuto. You have all of me.”

Bokuto’s eyes were wide before cupping Akaashi’s face and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Akaashi raised his hips up.

“Auuhh,” Bokuto moaned. He held onto Akaashi’s waist, slowly helping him move up and down.

Akaashi's lips were parted as his breath started picking up. _Finally_ , he thought. This felt so _good,_ he felt whole again. He looked down, Bokuto's face was flushed underneath him, his bottom lip trapped tightly in his teeth as he held himself back. Akaashi wanted to make this man feel so good he forgot everything, forget everything that had happened and move on, refocus on their relationship. He started moving faster.

He was in the middle of slamming back down when the bedroom door banged open suddenly, he gasped and dropped his torso down onto Bokuto’s.

“Bo!” Kuro called through clench teeth.

“Kuro, what the fuck!” Bokuto yelled, his body twisting to cover as much as he could of Akaashi, he felt his cock still throbbing inside of him while he tried to grab the blanket to pull over them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I figured it was better me than your sister!”

They both froze, “What?”

“Your sister is at the door!”

  
  


Song Akaashi plays for Ren

[Waltz in A Minor](https://youtu.be/HtQRpmaaiCo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit of a short chapter but it just made more sense to cut it here. Plus, I like torturing y’all a bit with that cut off ;)
> 
> Fun fact: Waltz in A Minor was the song I was playing when I was inspired to write this fic :))
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	23. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the idea of being alone with her made Akaashi want to chain himself to his front door, he couldn’t deny that she was important to Bokuto and therefore, it was critical that she liked him.

“Kira!” Bokuto forced a smile out as he hugged his sister in the doorway.

He and Akaashi had separated as quickly as they could, heads racing while they did their best to calm their breathing and throw clothes on.

“The heck are you doing to your hair, it looks like a birds nest,” Kira laughed, returning the hug.

Akaashi stood back with Kuro in the living room, wanting to give the two their space.

“What are you doing here?” he heard Bokuto ask.

Kira’s heels clicked as she took a few steps into the apartment, she was still just a voice coming from the entrance way. “Well, I have a few meetings I have going on in the area so I figured I’d make a trip out of it and see my most favorite little brother!”

They finally passed the end of the wall and came into view from where Akaashi was standing by the couch. His first thought was immediately, ‘Wow, was she beautiful’. And he’s not even into girls. Her black hair was slightly curled and cascaded below her shoulders, her skin was a warm bronze against her cream suit blazer. And her eyes. She had Bokuto’s striking eyes but a shade darker, making her gaze have a stern authority to them that he never saw in Bokuto. But her warm smile was just like his, and she emulated Bokuto’s same approachable energy.

“Ah, Kuro bear!” she called as she reached out to give him a hug.

Kuro smiled, “Hey, Kira.”

She held onto his shoulders, “Is Kenma here?”

“You just missed him actually. He had to get back to his place to finish up some work.”

“Aw, that’s too bad. I just bought his latest song though! So good. Wish he rubbed off on Kou a bit more.” Her gaze finally landed on Akaashi. She gasped, pushing Kuro away and walking towards him. “And you must be Akaashi!” She didn’t hesitate to give Akaashi a tight hug, Akaashi’s face going red as he made eye contact with Bokuto over her shoulder.

She looked him over from head to toe, “Oh my god, you are gorgeous!” She turned halfway back to her brother, handbag swinging, “Koutarou, where have you been hiding him?”

He came over and wrapped an arm around Akaashi's waist, trying to put some distance between the two. Kira tended to come on strong and this definitely had to be a lot for his boyfriend to take in. “Making sure you don’t scare him off, that’s where.”

She rolled her eyes, raising an eyebrow after. “Please, someone that can put up with you? I am never letting him leave.” She looked back at Akaashi, a huge smile on her face. “I’m so glad to finally meet you! Mom’s going to be so mad that I met you first.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know exactly what you were doing when you came here,” Bokuto sneered.

She smirked, throwing her hands up in surrender, “Ok. Caught me. But you,” she pointed at Bokuto, a knowing look on her face, “Don’t think I don’t know what Kuro was doing when he left me standing with the door closed in my face.”

The woman laughed when she saw both of their faces turn red. “Seriously, Kira?” Bokuto whined.

She reached up, gripping Bokuto’s t-shirt collar, “Maybe next time make sure you don’t put your shirt on inside out when you’re rushing to get _redressed_ ,” she said, smugly.

Akaashi sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hand. _What a great first impression this must be._

Bokuto crossed his arms, his head leaning down a bit to be more level with his shorter sister, “Don’t act like I haven’t had to cover for you before. I recall a few times where I had to disable the security alarm for you to sneak back into the house. You wanna go there with me?”

She flicked his forehead, “Fine, fine. I’ll reign myself in. And I know it’s late. I have meetings in the morning but, can I take you all out for dinner tomorrow?” She scanned all their faces.

“Depends on where we go because if we go to the place on eighth that you took us to last time then no,” Kuro smirked.

“Ok, it’s not my fault. What restaurant thinks it’s a good idea to make a menu with frog themed items?”

“You could’ve actually looked at the place before going,” Kuro retorted.

They started bickering about how he ‘Just didn’t have good taste’ and ‘No, they can’t just go to burger king all the time’.

Bokuto leaned down to whisper in Akaashi’s ear, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I know this is really last minute. I swear I didn’t know she was coming.”

He felt Akaashi squeeze his arm, “It’s fine. I want to.” He smiled up at him.

Kira cooed when she saw her brother place a kiss on the man’s head. “Awwww, that’s so sweet.”

“Shut up, Kira. Don’t be jealous.”

“Hey, I won’t deny it.” She smirked, “You don’t happen to go both ways do you, Akaashi?”

“Kira!”

Akaashi just laughed. “No, sorry. Seems like I’m a little too smitten with your brother.”

“Hmm, I guess that’s ok then,” she joked. “But ok, great! So I’ll see you all for dinner tomorrow? I’ll text Kou the details. Kuro, bring Kenma.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he saluted to her.

She didn’t stay much longer, just enough to fill Bokuto in on their parents’ latest stories before heading back to her hotel.

Bokuto sighed as he closed the door behind her, turning to face Akaashi. “Don’t suppose you’re down to pick up on where we left off?” he mused.

Akaashi chuckled, “Sorry, but your sister kinda killed the mood. And we’re locking the door from now on.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

\-------------------------------

“I kid you not, Koutarou ran out so fast that my dad almost made him do track instead of volleyball. The poor kid never went back to Ms. Patricia’s again!”

They all laughed as Kira finished the story, Bokuto’s face turning red in embarrassment. “I can never ever eat pistachios again!” He covered his face with his hands.

“Don’t worry, Bo, you’re not really missing out on anything there,” Kuro chimed in, taking a sip of his beer.

“Is this all you're good for Kira?” Bokuto asked, “Embarrassing me until I die?”

She looked up as she gave a mock thought. “Hmm, yeah, pretty much honestly,” she laughed. “Hey, I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence as a sister if I didn’t make sure Akaashi knew what he was getting himself into!”

Akaashi gripped Bokuto’s hand that was on the table. He clicked his tongue. “Well now that you mention it, I don’t think I can date someone that doesn’t like pistachios, Bokuto.”

“Want me to tell them the walnut story, Akaashi?” Kenma asked from across the table.

Akaashi’s eyes immediately widened, “Don’t you dare Kenma or I will tell them the roller coaster one.”

“Clearly, we all have too much ammo against one another,” Kuro chuckled.

“Yes, well, it is my duty to fire as much ammo about Bokuto as I possibly can this weekend,” Kira said, raising her glass towards Bokuto. He groaned.

“What business do you have in the area, Kira-san?’

Kira swallowed roughly, “Oh don’t even with the honorifics, Akaashi. You call me Kira and that’s final, yeah?”

Bokuto covered his laughed with his hand as Akaashi gave a brisk nod, cheeks reddening at calling his boyfriend’s sister by her given name. He and Bokuto weren’t even on that level.

“But I help run outreach programs as a way for students to get internships or explore career paths,” she answered his question. “We’re putting together a huge convention in the city soon so I’m meeting with a few different folks and company directors to see if they want to be included. Help run a booth or give a presentation on opportunities available and what not.”

“Wow, that’s interesting. Sounds rewarding,” Akaashi said.

She nodded her head in agreement, “Yeah it is, you know. Getting to help young people from different backgrounds figure out what they want to do really helps put things into perspective of how we can help people around us. We also help to raise money for scholarships and provide workshops on financial awareness. A lot of kids have no idea how much it costs for schooling.”

Akaashi took a deep breath, “Oh I know all about that. I wish there was something like that for when I was trying to figure things out. I learned the hard way about how difficult it is to find a job and work through school.”

He saw Kira’s head cock from across the table, “Did you have any help from your parents?”

Bokuto tensed out of the corner of his eye at such a personal question. Akaashi put his hand on his thigh underneath the table to signal it was ok. “Ah, no, not really. They…didn’t really approve of what I wanted to do,” he replied. “Wouldn’t pay for something they didn’t agree with so I was kind of thrown to the wolves scrambling to figure out how to make ends meet.”

Kira hummed in understanding, “That’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid though. Students going in with no idea as to how to go about their education, no idea how to support themselves, and then they end up not living up to their full potential just because they didn’t even know where to begin.” She paused, looking intently at Akaashi for a moment. “You know, you’d actually be able to provide a lot of relevant and valuable knowledge. How would you feel about talking to a few students about the process?”

“Kira, I don’t think-”

Akaashi cut Bokuto off, “Sure. I don’t mind. Don’t know how much help I’d be, but I’d at least be open to answering a few questions about how I did it.”

She perked up, the motion eerily similar to Bokuto, “Perfect! How about we find some time for me to do an interview, write down some of your answers to create a sort of ‘frequently asked questions’ sheet we can provide to students as information?”

Akaashi shrugged. “That works.”

“Wait a second, is this some elaborate ploy to steal my boyfriend?” Bokuto teased.

Kira’s eye squinted as she smiled coyly, “Oh, Kou trust me, if I was going to _actually_ try and hit on someone, you’d know. And I would most certainly win that battle.”

Akaashi had no doubt that this woman was probably capable of many things, and you would definitely not want to be on the opposing side of her.

Bokuto grimaced, “Ew, I never want to see my sister try and hit on someone.”

“Now you know how I feel watching all of you be all lovely dovey,”she laughed. “What’s your schedule look like tomorrow, Akaashi? We could grab a coffee?”

The musician ran through his next day schedule in his head, “Tomorrow should work. I’d probably have time around 2pm?”

“Perfect! Here give me your phone number,” she reached over, handing him her phone.

“This is totally a scheme to hit on my boyfriend,” Bokuto mumbled, leaning back in his chair as he draped his arm on the back of Akaashi’s.

“Well, step up your game then, Bokuto,” Akaashi smirked.

They laughed at Bokuto’s jaw dropping, Akaashi leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m kidding,” he said.

“So anyway, let me tell you this story about how Koutarou wore my dresses for an entire month straight.”

“Kira!”

\------------------

“Over here, Akaashi!” Kira waved from one of the tables outside of the café they were meeting at.

Bokuto had told him that if he wanted to back out that Kira would totally understand. But Akaashi actually wanted to help other students know the details about supporting themselves. He didn’t want other kids to be as lost as he was when trying to become independent, or so unaware of how to go about becoming an adult without the help of his parents. Plus, this was a good opportunity for him to bond with Kira. While the idea of being alone with her made Akaashi want to chain himself to his front door, he couldn’t deny that she was important to Bokuto and therefore, it was critical that she liked him.

“Afternoon, Kira. How were your meetings today?” he asked, pulling the chair out across from her.

She sighed, “Ugh, I don’t get why some people are so rude? Like, why would so many people have issues with providing internships or just a person or two to come stand at a booth?”

Akaashi shrugged, “People think they’re better than others just because they have titles. They seem to forget that they were ever in a similar position as students that required them to lean on others.”

“Mhm, well put.”

The waiter came over and placed two coffees down. “I hope you don’t mind, I asked Koutarou what your drink of choice was.”

“Not at all,” Akaashi said. “Thank you.”

They spent some time going over some of the questions Kira had put together. Akaashi found himself being able to provide a lot more advice than he thought he could, remembering back to his struggles of trying to find a job that would hire him without a lot of experience, but also one that would cover his schooling and living expenses. They covered a wide range of questions such as ‘how did he put together a resume,’ ‘what strategies did he use to save money’, ‘what student loans did he look into.’ And then other ones like ‘what did he wish he knew when signing his first lease,’ and ‘which flavor ramen did he live off the most.’ (Although the last one may have just been for laughs.)

Kira dropped the pen she was using to record the answers in her notebook, picking up her coffee before frowning into the cup, “You know, I hope you don’t mind me asking this but, why didn’t your parents support you?”

Akaashi heaved a sigh, leaning a little further back in his seat. “Typical reasons. My dad wanted me to pursue a degree that would pay more, you know like engineering or going to medical school. And my mom tended to just go along with whatever my dad said, so it wasn’t like she was going to stand up for me.” He took a sip of his coffee, staring at the brown liquid as he continued, “They seemed to have more of an issue with anything I said only after I came out to them though.”

He could see the wheels turning in Kira’s head. “They didn’t want to support you because of who you’re attracted to?”

Akaashi stared at the people crossing the street, slightly nodding. “They said that I wouldn’t have wanted to major in music if I wasn’t gay. Somehow blamed me screwing up my future on the fact that I like guys.” He looked back at her. “Not that the connection makes any sense but, I think it gave them something to blame it on? Not that it really changed anything. My dad and I were never really close to begin with but that was definitely the last straw and turning point for him. Hence, why I was on my own.”

Kira reached out and laid her hand on top of his, “If it’s any consolation, I think you turned out pretty great even after just meeting you. From what Kou has told me, you’ve made yourself pretty indispensable to the symphony. I hope your parents can recognize that one day.”

“Thanks,” he smiled. “I won’t lie, it’s been hard. Which is why I wanted to help you with this. Prevent anyone else from being so blindsided It wasn't fun. You feel alone a lot? I spent a lot of time just kinda asking ‘why’? And, ‘how do I even do this’? I really had no idea what I was going to do but I pushed through, even if I had no clue what I was doing.”

“So when did it start to feel like you figured it out?

“Probably when I realized that I could _actually_ make it in music. When I worked hard enough to earn a seat in the NSO. If we’re talking about figuring out when I felt stable, that was it. But. I don’t think I really felt like I knew what direction I was moving in until I met Bokuto if I’m being honest,” he said shyly.

Kira smiled. “You know. My brother _really_ likes you.” She pursed her lips. “He told me about what happened a few weeks ago.”

“Ah. Yeah.”

“Listen. I’m not defending what he did, he definitely should _not_ have reacted the way he did, but I just want you to know that that came out of a place of insecurity, not from lack of trust.” Her eyes were soft as she looked at him. “Kou has always had problems believing in himself. I think he’s always aware that people leave. And he’s had his heart broken enough times to know that.”

Akaashi nodded. “Yeah, I realized that. And we talked about it and I one hundred percent get why it happened the way it did, I just…don’t know what to do to get him to realize that I get it, that we’re fine, you know? It’s almost like he avoids me.” Akaashi didn’t really realize at what point in the conversation he became so at ease with the woman across from him, but it was extremely easy for him to be saying this. He was probably confusing her aura with Bokuto’s.

“Yeah, that sounds like him. I won’t lie. Dating him will be _hard_. We all have demons but I think Kou hears them a little bit more. Are you prepared for that?”

Akaashi’s ears burned, the woman's protective stare boring in to him. But he found himself nodding a ‘yes’ pretty quickly.

“And you know what?”

“What?”

“I actually believe you, Akaashi. I have a sixth sense about these things. You really care about him, don’t you?”

“I-” he stopped. “Um. Yeah, I-I do. Really care about him.”

Kira’s eyes squinted. “Mhm. You have my approval. So long as I get tickets to your next performance.”

\----------------------

**From Bokuto**

_How was meeting with my sister?_

Akaashi grinned. He knew that the man had been fretting about the whole thing all day, Akaashi was surprised he didn’t show up to the cafe 'by coincidence.’

**To Bokuto**

_It was fine! Your sister is really nice_.

The bubbles appeared and disappeared a few times before a response came through.

**From Bokuto**

_She won’t stop talking about you. I’m really glad she likes you…_

Akaashi gripped his violin case as he got out of his car to walk towards the large house. The two had invited him to dinner again that night but he was playing for a dinner party so he wasn’t able to attend. Although, he was disappointed about not getting the chance to bond with Bokuto’s family more.

It had never really occurred to Akaashi that not only would he have to find someone to date, but that he would also have to get in the good graces of their family. Akaashi hadn’t thought once about wanting to take Bokuto home to meet his parents. The closest he got, was mentioning to his cousin Jui briefly that he had started talking to someone. And that was well before he and Bokuto had started dating.

Not that Akaashi was embarrassed of Bokuto, if anything he was extremely proud of his boyfriend for being such a humble person when he held such a high public status.

He was more worried of Bokuto thinking it was too much if his parents ever met him. Akaashi can only imagine the rude and derogative things they would say to him. Bokuto already knew that he didn’t stay in touch with them.

**From Bokuto**

_Although I swear if you leave me for her I’ll avoid you at every family reunion._

Akaashi laughed. Having his sister around had lightened Bokuto’s mood tremendously. The past two days he had already started reverting back to their old quick and light banter. Akaashi couldn’t help but think that Kira had more than one motive with the visit...

**To Bokuto**

_I’ll make sure to hide her whenever you come over to my place.  
_

Akaashi grinned, putting his phone away, spotting Suga standing around the chairs. They exchanged tired and exasperated smiles as they discussed the pieces their booker had asked for.

“You would think people like this would want a little variety but it’s just the same pieces over and over,” Suga droned.

“Better to play them repeatedly than to have no money, yeah?” Akaashi joked, taking the violin out of the case to get it tuned to the space.

The event had gone on without a hitch, the small quartet wrapping up the evening and putting their instruments away. Akaashi pulled his phone out to check his messages.

**From Bokuto**

_I will fight my sister with only a spoon if it comes down to it. You’re mine, baby._

Akaashi smiled.

He doesn’t know what Kira did or what she had said to him, maybe it was just her presence that calmed Bokuto. But one thing was definitely clear.

His Bokuto was finally back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She protec, she attac, but most importantly, she got her little brothers back and she is also very highly invested in this relationship just like us.
> 
> Make no mistakes, her work conference was not her main goal in visiting
> 
> (Little cliffhanger because I'm so excited the next chapter is literally my favorite so far it makes my heart go uwu I don't even know why it just does)
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	24. Tylenol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Usually you’re right all the time, but not right now.” He leaned forward on the counter. “Volleyball is nothing compared to how much you mean to me.”

Bokuto dug his ringing phone out of his jacket pocket, adjusting the strap of his volleyball bag as he walked out of the locker room.

He looked at the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Bokuto! It’s Suga!”

Bokuto waved at Oikawa and Iwaizumi as they walked out of the building the team met in for weight training. “Hey, Suga. What’s up?”

“Um…have you talked to Akaashi lately?”

Bokuto stopped, bundling his jacket around him from the cold, “I was texting him last night? I didn’t get a chance to talk to him this morning because I had an early start to training. Why, what’s wrong?”

  
  
“Ah, probably nothing! It’s just that…” Suga hesitated before rushing out, “He hasn’t been answering my calls or texts and he missed group rehearsal and I think he’s supposed to be giving a piano lesson later today but it’s probably nothing I just have never seen him miss rehearsal-”

Bokuto’s eyebrows turned in, “He missed rehearsal? And he didn’t tell anyone?”

“Yeah…that’s why I was worried. And if he’s not with you…”

“I’ll stop by his apartment and check on him.”

He heard Suga exhale. “Thanks, Bokuto. I would if I could but I’m about to go into sectional practice.”

“It’s fine Suga. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll keep you posted.”

He clicked the phone off and dug his keys out of his pocket, flipping them around to make sure he had the spare key still attached to his chain.

For their five month anniversary a few weeks ago, Akaashi had gifted him a key to his apartment. The pianist didn’t look him in the eye while he had said that rather than Akaashi having to constantly get up and let the man in, Bokuto can save him the energy and just let himself in. Bokuto nearly cried when he held it in his hand. He gave Akaashi one to his own place later after running it by Kuro.

He drove as quickly as he could to Akaashi’s apartment without causing any damage on the roads. His mind was racing. Was he ok? Did something happen? Why wouldn’t he be able to answer Suga’s texts? Bokuto tried calling him on the way. He didn’t answer and it went to voicemail after the sixth ring.

He took the stairs two at a time, not waiting for the old, slow elevator, racing to the fifth floor of the apartment building as fast as he could go. He didn’t bother knocking, he jammed the key in and eased the door open. All the lights were off and the shades were down halfway.

“Kaashi?” he called out tentatively. He took a few steps into the apartment and listened for a response. Was he not home? The TV wasn’t on, there wasn’t any music from the piano, there weren’t any smells coming from the kitchen...

He passed the entranceway hall, both exhaling and taking a sharp intake as he saw the bundled figure of Akaashi on his bed. Bokuto could just make out the top of his face curled up under the blankets, black hair a mess and tufted out in all different directions. He was fast asleep.

Bokuto quietly walked towards the bed, kneeling down in front of the boy. He swiped at his forehead. Akaashi was burning, part of his hair sticking to his forehead from sweat.

He placed his hand on Akaashi’s thigh and rubbed softly, trying not to shock him. Akaashi groaned as he came out of the sleep.

“Hey baby,” Bokuto whispered.

“Bo?” Akaashi choked out. His eyes weren’t focusing, the lids opening and closing heavily. “What are you doing here?”

“You missed rehearsal and nobody knew where you were. Suga called me.” He kept rubbing his hand up and down Akaashi’s body. “You’re burning up, Kaashi, why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

Akaashi’s eyes closed again as he mumbled into the pillow, the words barely coming out with his stuffy nose, “Didn’t want to bother you. I’m fine.”

Bokuto clicked his tongue. “You’re not fine, babe. How long have you been feeling bad?”

He saw Akaashi give a light shrug, his eyes still closed. “A day or two?” he croaked.

“Kaashi, you should’ve told me. I could’ve come take care of you.”

Akaashi groaned as he turned away onto his back, his stuffy nose causing his voice to come out low and scratchy, “Not when you have practice. I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Well, too late,” he soothed, grinning slightly, “Now you’re stuck with me. When was the last time you took meds or ate something?”

Akaashi just shrugged, causing him to suck in air quickly and jerk into coughs. They were deep enough to make Bokuto concerned more.

Sighing, he stood back up and went into the kitchen. Rummaging through the cabinets, he pulled out some ingredients to make a light soup. He heated up some broth as he searched for Tylenol. He only found an Advil bottle that had only a few left. He would have to go out to get some more.

Taking the bottle and the thermometer he saw down, he walked back over. Akaashi had fallen asleep again, his chest rising and falling heavily, mouth slightly parted to allow air into his body. Bokuto sighed, hating to see his boyfriend in such a state. He dropped the items on the nightstand and took his phone out to send a quick text to Suga to let him know the situation.

A knock came from the door.

Bokuto looked between the sleeping figure and the hallway. He trudged over and opened the door.

“Bokuto-san! Hi!”

Ren was staring up at him, his mother standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders. She looked questioningly at the man.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, I’m so sorry. Akaashi is really sick right now. He’s not really able to give a lesson.”

“Oh, my. I’m sorry. Is he ok?” the lady asked.

“Um, I think so? I’m making him some soup but he’s burning up pretty bad. I was planning on going to grab him some more Advil soon.”

“Poor thing. Put a cold, wet wash cloth on his forehead. You’re not hearing any wheezing, right?”

“Not really? He’s breathing pretty heavily and his cough is a bit deep, but his breathing overall sounds normal.”

She nodded, “That’s good. Then it’s probably not pneumonia. Oh, here, you can take this.” She rummaged through her purse and pulled out a small Tylenol bottle. “Tylenol will do better to relieve the fever.”

Bokuto took the bottle from her. “That’s amazing. Thanks so much. I didn’t want to leave him alone while I went out to get some.”

“Of course. A mother always has everything on hand.” She smiled as she patted Ren’s shoulders. “I’m Nekia by the way. As I assume you know, Akaashi gives Ren piano lessons.”

“Bokuto,” he said, shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

She cocked her head, “You look extremely familiar, have we met before?”

He blushed, he always hated having to announce his job. “Ah, I play for the National Volleyball team so if you’re a volleyball fan….”

“Yes! My husband is a big fan. I don’t suppose I could get an autograph for him?”

Bokuto grinned, “Of course! The least I could do for the nursing advice.” He took the pen she held out and signed the notepad she pulled from her purse.

“Mom?” Ren said softly, “So I don’t get to have a lesson today?”

She frowned, “I don’t think so, sweetie. Akaashi-sensei is really sick.”

Ren looked up at Bokuto. “But Bukoto-san gets to be here.”

The man grinned, kneeling down to look at Ren. “Remember how I said your teacher’s my best friend? I can’t leave him by himself when he needs help. You help your friends when they need it, right?”

The boy nodded, his eyes still turned down and sad. “So you’re gonna make sure he gets better?”

Bokuto hummed in agreement, “Yep. So that way he’s all healthy for your next lesson. That sound good?”

Ren’s face looked a little brighter, but he still had a pout to his face. “I guess so.”

“Alright, sweetie. Let’s let Bokuto-kun get back to taking care of sensei.” She looked at Bokuto. “If you need anything feel free to call me. My number should be in Akaashi’s phone.”

“I appreciate that. And sorry again about the late notice.”

  
  
“No worries. Good thing Akaashi has such a...well attentive nurse,” she winked.   
  


Bokuto’s face went red as he waved them off. He closed the door as softly as he could and started to uncap the top of the Tylenol bottle, placing it on the night stand and setting a cup of water next to it as well. Grabbing a washcloth from Akaashi’s bathroom, he ran it under cool water for a few seconds and rung it out so it wasn’t seeping. He carried it back to the bed carefully and gently placed it on Akaashi’s forehead, taking a moment to gaze at his sweet boyfriend. Even when he was sick, he was still trying to put Bokuto first by not telling him. He’ll have to have a talk with him about putting his health above all.

While Akaashi continued to sleep, Bokuto made himself busy by making easy to eat food to cover the next few days, storing some away and letting some heat lightly on the stove for whenever his patient wakes up, all the while making sure he made as little noise as possible.

He then moved to straightening up around the apartment. Akaashi usually kept his place fairly neat and organized but being sick had most likely sucked his energy up. There were a few plates still in the sink and a pile of cleaned dishes still waiting to be put away. Blankets were thrown around as it was obvious Akaashi flipped from being cold to hot. The blankets being thrown had caused some of his sheet music to fly around onto the ground.

He picked up the loose papers and pooled it into a pile. He didn’t even try to organize it, he wouldn’t even have the slightest idea as to how to do it. But there was one piece of paper that caught his eye. ‘For Bokuto’ was written at the top of one of the hand written sheets. It didn’t have any lyrics to it, and Bokuto wasn’t able to distinguish what type of song it was based off the symbols and notes drawn on it, but it made his heart sing knowing that Akaashi had written a song for him.

Shuffling started coming from the bed. Placing the music down quickly on the ledge, he moved to the side of the bed. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

“Ugh, what time is it?” Akaashi groaned, weakly removing the washcloth on his head.

Bokuto carefully took it from him and looked at the clock on the stove. “About 4:30? You’ve been sleeping for a while.”

He saw Akaashi’s eyes widen, “Wait, I had a lesson at 1-”

“I took care of it. Nekia-san understood.”

Akaashi’s head dropped back. “Oh geez. I feel terrible.”

“Physically or emotionally?”

“Both.”

Bokuto smirked, “Yeah, being sick does that. You feel up to eating something?”

Akaashi grimaced, his nose scrunching as he rubbed his chest. “Ugh, not really.”

“Come on. Just a few bites. You need something in your stomach before taking pills.”

Akaashi focused on steadying his breathing, the thought of eating something made him nauseous but he nodded after Bokuto kept a forceful stare on him.

His boyfriend smiled at the attempt and went over to get a small bowl of soup. He sat on the side of the bed with it. “Want me to feed it to you?”

Akaashi glared at him as he sat himself up. Bokuto chuckled, “Fine, fine. Here. Be careful, it’s hot.”

He made sure Akaashi went slowly and that he didn’t spill it on himself, Akaashi groaning at the heat going down his throat after a few bites.

“Good?”

“Yeah,” Akaashi swallowed thickly. “Thanks. Sorry you had to do this.”

Bokuto leaned in, feeling his forehead again with the back of his hand. “Babe, its fine. Why wouldn’t I want to do this for you?” He swiped his bangs back. “You’re still burning up a bit. Here, take these.” He handed him the water he placed on the stand earlier and some of the tablets, taking the bowl back from him.

“Fuck, I hate being sick,” Akaashi coughed out as he finished swallowing the pills.

“Yeah, it’s no fun.”

Akaashi turned his head to look at him. “You don’t have to stay anymore. You might break up with me after seeing how unattractive I look when sick.”

Bokuto gasped, “You mean you don’t always look perfect?!” He grinned. Akaashi shot him another glare before yawning. He squeezed his hand. “You look beautiful no matter what. Now, I never thought I would tell someone out of college to go to sleep at 5pm but go back to sleep.”

Akaashi nodded sleepily before scrunching down a bit more under the covers. His eyes drifted shut as he felt Bokuto run his hands through his dark hair.

“Bo?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

Bokuto grinned, “I’m not going anywhere, Kaashi.”

\-----------------------

Akaashi drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours, each time he woke up he caught glimpses of Bokuto in different spots. First cleaning the kitchen, then sitting on the couch, then leaning against the wall to the hallway on the phone. His eyes closed as he heard Bokuto talking softly into the phone.

“Hey Iwaizumi, I don’t think I’m going to make it to training in the morning.” He paused. “Yeah, Akaashi’s really sick so I’m making sure he’s ok.” Another pause as he listened to the response. “Yeah, ok. Thanks.”

Akaashi drifted off again. Bokuto was missing practice because of him? He would do that, for Akaashi? Akaashi couldn’t tell if his chest was squeezing because of his flu or because he still couldn’t get over how much Bokuto cared for him. Missing practice due to no valid reason was like putting a target on his back for a second stringer to take his spot. And Bokuto just willingly gave them the shot.

The next time he woke up, he felt more coherent. His head was still pounding and now he was freezing rather than being hot, but his body didn’t feel as achy. He lifted himself up groggily. It was well into the night now, the only light coming into the apartment was from the street lights through the shades still halfway down. There was an extra blanket strung across him that wasn’t there when he went to sleep. And he could see all his sheet music piled nicely on the window ledge.

But he couldn’t see Bokuto.

Did he leave?

He pulled his legs over the bed stiffly, bringing the blanket with him as he draped it around his shoulders. He walked over to the couch. Bokuto was laying on his back, head propped up against the arm rest as he had one arm draped over his chest and the other hanging over the couch.

Akaashi smiled. Of course he didn’t leave, just like he promised. His boyfriend looked so peaceful when he slept. Bokuto was always so wide eyed and bushy tailed, gung-ho about everything. But he only let himself look this vulnerable and at ease when he was sleeping around Akaashi. He ran his fingers through the tips of his hair.

His chest burned at how tired he must have been taking care of Akaashi after his own schedule. His practice schedule had ramped up again and here he was having to nurse Akaashi after probably being dead tired himself from training in the morning. This was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to tell him. Bu he realized that he would have done the same exact thing and would have dropped everything for this man if they had been in alternate roles. His love for him wanted to keep him safe at all costs.

Wait.

What?

His love?

His eyes widened as he stared downed at Bokuto’s sleeping face.

\--------------------------

Akaashi didn’t remember going back to sleep. He must’ve at some point though as he felt himself slowly regain consciousness. His mind was still racing about his realization. He didn’t think it had happened all of a sudden in that second, rather this was just the moment that everything became clear. He started thinking about everything that had led up to this point, all of the mid-sentence cut off moments where his brain had been trying to signal to him. Every time Bokuto dropped coffee off for him at the rehearsal hall, or Akaashi watched Bokuto’s shows with him even though he _hates_ crime dramas. All those heart throbbing moments where he caught himself staring at Bokuto as he smiled or was in the middle of a conversation. And now this, his selfless boyfriend rushing over to take care of Akaashi. Nobody had every gone so out of the way for him. He knew what his heart had felt this entire time, he just wasn’t able to put it into words until now.

Akaashi never realized that any time he had said ‘I love you’ before, he was lying. This. This was what true love actually felt like.

He refocused as he opened his eyes, the early morning light cascaded onto his comforter. How did he get back into bed? He jolted too quickly at not remembering, causing his chest to heave. He let out deep coughs.

“Maybe you would be better by now if I didn’t wake up to find you sleeping on the floor,” Bokuto leered as he walked over to hand him some warm tea.

Akaashi frowned after he was able to stop coughing, taking the mug from his boyfriend. “Well why were you sleeping on the couch? You were around me all day yesterday, you could’ve slept in the bed with me.”

Taking the thermometer out of the box and signaling for Akaashi to open his mouth, “Guess I was more tired than I thought,” Bokuto said. “I just sat down for a second. Next thing I know, I wake up with you on the ground next to me, freezing.”

“Waht-“

“Sh,” Bokuto cut in, “Make sure it’s under your tongue.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’d be better if you had let me do this in the first place.” He reached to take the thermometer back, checking the temperature.

“I do feel a little better,” Akaashi shrugged, “I can breathe through my nose now.”

Bokuto nodded, “Your fevers gone down a little bit too, so that’s good. One more day and you should be all good.”

He got off the bed and moved to the kitchen, asking if Akaashi was up to eating anything. He started moving to make a porridge, ignoring Akaashi’s attempt to say no.

Akaashi watched as Bokuto maneuvered effortlessly around the kitchen, rambling about nothing in particular; something he thought of on the bus the other day, this dog that he saw on his run. Akaashi cut him off, still sitting in the bed.

“Why are you missing practice to do this?”

Bokuto stopped, looking up from washing the dish he had in his hands. He cocked his head as his eyebrows furrowed. “Akaashi, why is it so surprising that I want to make sure you’re ok?”

“Because practice is important, volleyball is everything to you.”

They stared at each other, Bokuto finally shaking his head as he placed the dish on the drying rack next to the sink. “Usually you’re right all the time, but not right now.” He leaned forward on the counter, staring straight at him. “Volleyball is nothing compared to how much you mean to me.”

Akaashi’s face burned, and he couldn’t blame it on being sick.

They spent the morning relaxing, watching a few movies wrapped up in blankets. Bokuto forced as much food as he could down Akaashi’s throat and made sure he drank plenty of liquids. Akaashi told him he shouldn’t expect nearly as good food when Bokuto inevitably becomes sick. The volleyball player just laughed and said he’ll stock the pantry with plenty of easy-made food.

Bokuto was standing up, stretching after they finished another movie. Akaashi was texting Suga, making sure that Yachi had been able to handle rehearsals. He lifted his head when he heard a note come from the piano.

The volleyball player was sitting at the bench, a grin on his face. “You know, I really don’t know how you do this. How do you know which keys to hit?”

Akaashi smirked and got off the couch, keeping the blanket wrapped around him. “It’s really not hard once you know what key is what. It helps that I’ve been doing this for, oh I don’t know, just a few years now,” he joked as he sat down next to him on the bench.

Bokuto hit another key. Then again. “I like this one. What’s this one?”

Laughing, “That’s a G,” Akaashi said.

“And this one?” he asked, pressing another note.

“C.”

Bokuto hit the one right above it, “D? I’m guessing?”

“Hey, look at you.” Akaashi smiled, nudging his side, “You’re practically a musician.”

Akaashi just stared as Bokuto smiled. He placed his hand on Bokuto’s, hitting the notes into a soothing rhythm. G, ding. C, D, ding, ding. G, ding, E, ding. “And now you’re a pianist,” he grinned up at him.

He kept his hand on Bokuto’s as they pushed the keys down together. Akaashi leaned his head onto the man’s shoulder, Bokuto moving his to lay on top.

He closed his eyes as he listened to the notes.

They echoed the love in his heart for this man.

  
  
It was clearer than the notes ringing unobstructed throughout the apartment.

Akaashi was in love with Bokuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you all have a favorite chapter, scene, line, so far because THIS ONES MINE. Bokuto taking care of Akaashi without looking for literally anything return makes me freaking SQUEAL. 
> 
> I wish that I could actually draw because can you allimagine Bokuto carrying a sleeping sick Akaashi bridal style back to bed 🥺🥺 MY HEART CANT TAKE IT
> 
> Also I really wanted to make the line about Akaashi never really meaning “i love you” before as the summary BUT IT WOULDVE GIVEN IT AWAY SO I DIDNT
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	25. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto had told him earlier that day. Akaashi understood of course, but he couldn’t deny that he had wanted to spend that specific night with his boyfriend.

Snow hit Akaashi’s nose as he walked down the crowded street to get to the music hall. The city was always more crowded this time of year, the festival lights brought people from all over the country. He dodged families looking at store windows, couples holding hands and giggling, he stepped over the leash of a dog that started to pull away from his owner to chase a car.

A small cloud escaped his lips as he sighed against the cold. His schedule had been crazy. It was only a few more weeks until the end of the year gala. Each year, all professional and amateur orchestras come together in a huge, over the top reception, to celebrate a year well done and to hear music across different genres and levels. The theme for that year was ‘Breaking the Quo’ as a way to urge in a new and exciting year. All the orchestras pushed themselves to play pieces they had never played before, in styles different from the usual repertoires.

It was really honestly exciting and the musicians loved the change of pace, but it just caused extra stress from long rehearsals and conductors pushing them too hard, and too fast. Akaashi had barely gotten any sleep or time to relax with all the added sectional rehearsals. The only thing keeping him going was the chilly bite to the air waking up his senses every time he walked to work, and the copious amounts of coffee that Kiyoko so generously had the orchestra bring in.

Keeping his hands deep in his pockets, he kept his head down as people rushed past, trying to stay warm in the cold.

All Akaashi needed was to get sick again.

Not that he had minded Bokuto taking care of him.

He had yet to tell him his feelings in the few weeks since he’s realized. Bokuto has been hitting a low point mentally - his anxiety flaring at all the things that needed to get done by the end of the year. It was already hard for Akaashi to calm him down from that, he didn’t need to add this extra pressure right now. Everyday it felt like Bokuto was getting more chaotic, so it just wasn’t the right time. And Akaashi knew Bokuto. He knew that the man would spiral even more if he just sprung it on him. Neither of them had the best track record with past love. The last person that told Bokuto ‘I love you’ left him alone on a crowded dance floor. But this wasn’t like the rest, right?

Akaashi sighed and looked up to cross the street. He would tell him, obviously. Just when it was the right time. And with Akaashi’s schedule and Bokuto’s practices running late, they haven’t had the time to even go on any dates. The national team’s coach had said they wanted to give them a break for the holidays, but in order to do that, he had them running extra drills and longer practices. The two were originally going to go out to dinner that night but their coach threw in an additional weight training session.

**From Bokuto**

_I’m sorry, baby :( Rain check on our date??_

Bokuto had told him earlier that day. Akaashi understood of course, but he couldn’t deny that he had wanted to spend that specific night with his boyfriend.

His phone rang. It was his cousin.

“Hey, Jui.”

“Happy birthday, man!”

Akaashi swiped at his cold nose with his jacket sleeve, “Thanks Jui.”

“Hope work isn’t running you ragged. You gonna be able to celebrate tonight?”

Akaashi huffed, “Eh, you know how it is when you get older. The magic of birthdays just sort of wears off. Plus, you know I hate celebrating.”

He heard a knowing chuckle on the other end, “Yeah, I know you do. Won’t stop me from calling you every year though. You deserve to be recognized!” He paused. “Have your parents called?”

Grimacing, “I had a missed phone call from my mom at 4am this morning,” he responded. “But she didn’t leave a message. Who calls their son that early on their birthday and doesn’t even take the time to say it?”

“Fuck man, Auntie Mayumi has got to pull it together. Do….Are you coming home for Christmas this year?”

Akaashi pulled open the door to the hall, hitting his shoes on the door frame to knock the snow off. He balanced himself against the side with one hand as he held his phone in the other. “I don’t know yet. Don’t know why I would want to spend the holidays with people who can’t even acknowledge my presence.”

“Um, offended. _I_ acknowledge your presence,” his cousin laughed. “You can always stay with me. My mom agrees that her sister needs to stick up to your father.”

“26 years too late for that.”

“27 to the day actually.”

Akaashi groaned, “Ugh, don’t remind me. Getting old sucks.”

“True that man, wait till you’re 30 like me.” He laughed. “Alright well, I’ll let you go. Don’t work too hard. Happy Birthday, dude.”

“Thanks, Jui. See ya.”

Waving to the security guard, he walked into the storage room to drop his bag in his locker. He barely even had the key in his lock when a voice called out.

“Akaaaaashii.”

“Oh no, what do you want Suga,” he said without even turning around.

The silver haired man pouted as he came up from behind him and leaned against the row of lockers, his arms crossed. “How did you know that I wanted something?”

“Same way Daichi knows whenever you want attention.”

Suga inclined his head, “Yep, that’s fair.” He made puppy eyes. “The solo for Archeopteryx of the Violin Concerto, will you pleeaassee help me practice it?”

“Sure,” Akaashi said, closing his locker, “When’s a good time?”

Suga shrugged, “Do you have anything to do after rehearsal?”

He hesitated. His cousin had literally just told him not to work too hard on his birthday. But its not like he was going to get to hang out with Bokuto. And what else was he really going to do besides go home and watch Netflix by himself? Might as well be useful with his time.

“That works,” he replied, closing his locker. They started walking towards the stage. “How’s Daichi?”

Huffing, “Working all the time,” Suga said. “I’m lucky that some of the proceeds from the gala is going to the police department or I may not have gotten him to agree to go. Is Bokuto coming?”

“I haven’t asked him yet.”

“Again!” Suga exclaimed. “Don’t make me-”

“No, no, no,” Akaashi grinned, “It’s not like I won’t. Unlike last time, I’m not too concerned about him not wanting to.” He shrugged. “He’s just been exhausted from practice. And I’m waiting to see if his coach does give them that time off because then I wouldn’t feel as bad.”

The violinist squinted at him as they stopped at the piano. “Hmmm, you guys think too much into what each other will think.”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“Nothing!” Suga called out as he went to sit with the violins.

“Akaashi, I think something is stuck in the piano, one of the hammers isn’t hitting and I can’t reach it,” Yachi said nervously. “I swear I didn’t do anything!”

The lead patted her head. “It’s ok. Let me take a look.” Taking off his jacket, he rolled up the sleeves to his maroon cardigan and leaned into the open piano, seeing the off put hammer and lodged object stuck inside. He reached in to fix it.

“Akaashi, do you have a second?”

He peaked over his shoulder, “Yeah, Kiyoko, what’s up?”

The manager adjusted her glasses. “Amara-san from the gala committee called. They’re finalizing the lineup of the songs for the performance and they want to end on something they haven’t heard before in spirit of the theme.”

“Isn’t that what everyone is doing already?” he grunted, stretching his limbs to fix the hammer.

She hummed in agreement, “But they want something completely out of the ordinary.”

Akaashi flexed trying to dislodge the object, “And?” he said, voice strained from the exertion.

“They want a contemporary band to play. So I offered up you all’s group.”

“What?” he exclaimed, jolting up quickly. “Ow!” he cried out as he hit his head on the open cover.

“Akaashi!” Yachi yelled out, rushing to her senpai, “Are you ok? Do you need a doctor? Do you need CPR?? Who knows how to stop a bleeding head wound!!?”

He rubbed a hand on the back of his head while placing the other on her shoulder, “I’m fine Yachi.” He turned back to Kiyoko. “They want to hear a modern band? They realize we venture into house tech sometimes, right?”

She nodded. “Amara-san said ‘It would be the biggest status quo breaker of them all.’”

Akaashi’s head bobbed side to side as he thought it over, “Well, I don’t necessarily disagree. It would be interesting to play something like that at a fancy gala. I’d have to check with everyone first.”

“That’s what I told her,” she assured. “Just figured I’d bring it up. Let me know what you all decide.” She waved, walking off to speak with Asahi.

Akaashi turned to his younger counterpart. Yachi was shaking. “Yachi…”

“Singing in front of the entire gala? Akaashi, I can’t!” she whined.

Akaashi sighed, “It’ll be fine, Yachi. It’ll be just like you’re singing at the clubs, yeah?”

“But the lights will be on for this one and I’ll be able to see everyone!” she squeaked.

He grabbed her shoulders, trying to ground her, “We’ll practice whatever song we do so much you’ll be sick of it, ok? And we’ll do a duet, yeah?”

Lips still shaking, she finally gave a small nod.

Yasufumi tapped on the conductor stand. “Let’s go ladies and gentlemen, quos won’t be broken just standing around!”

\--------------

Suga waved him off as they wrapped up working on his solo. The piece was certainly difficult and Suga was definitely nervous about playing such a huge role in the selection for the gala - much more so than having the band play. But he seemed to feel better after playing through it with Akaashi.

From what they could gather, the group seemed on board for playing the final song. The only decision would be what to play and to figure out when they can all rehearse it. Until then, they were all keeping focus on group practice while letting Kiyoko get more details.

Akaashi spent the hour or two working with Suga, accompanying him through the song and giving pointers on how he should attack the selection. By the time he made his way back to his apartment, the winter sun had already retreated even though it was only about 4:30.

Akaashi had always hated having a winter birthday. Why did it get dark so early? By the time everyone had gone about their days, it felt past midnight and their wills were gloomy from the lack of sunlight.

But he did always love the snow. That was one thing that will always be magical to him. Such a simple yet beautiful thing, masking the world in a comforting blanket. When he was little, he would just sit outside for hours in it. And he wouldn’t deny that he had always religiously done superstitions to get it to snow like throwing ice cubes out the window or wearing pajamas inside out and backwards. His father would always grunt and tell him to take a science course. But it didn’t stop Akaashi from loving the way snow gave a blank slate to everything.

The white flakes fell softly onto his navy peacoat while he walked to his apartment, marveling in the quiet that the snow brought with the season.

He trudged up the stairs, checking his phone. His mom still hadn’t called him back, let alone his dad at all. He didn’t keep his hopes up.

Mind wandering to what he should make for dinner, he slowly inserted the key and opened his door.

He stopped.

There were lit candles everywhere. Going down the short entranceway hallway and all over the wall length ledge by the windows, even covering the ground where flower petals were interspersed among the lights. His mouth fell open as he took a few steps in.

Bokuto walked into his line of sight, a smirk on his face. “You didn’t think I’d forget your birthday, did you?”

Akaashi couldn’t move, his mind completely numb and shocked as his heart beat erratically at the most magical sight ever. Bokuto closed the distance, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and pulling him in for a slow and sweet kiss. “Happy Birthday, baby.”

His throat was constricting, his mouth still gaping, “How-how did you, when did you-”

“When you wouldn’t let me pay for pizza that night you came over and practically threw your wallet at me. I saw your ID when grabbing your card. Can’t believe you were just never going to tell me your birthday,” he smiled.

Akaashi’s face heated as he tried to cover his face. “I don’t…I don’t like birthdays. And it’s not that big of a deal, you didn’t have to-”

Bokuto shut him up by tearing his hands away and kissing him again. He bent down to look in his eyes. “Of course it’s a big deal. Today’s the day my most favorite person on the planet was born, the whole city of Tokyo should be celebrating your presence! Butttt I figured you wouldn’t want a huge thing so I felt like this was a good compromise.” He squeezed their hands and led him further into the apartment, the glow from the candles bouncing off their faces.

“Don’t worry, the candles by all your sheet music are electric. Wasn’t gonna take that risk.”

It was something that Akaashi should’ve been worried about but was too shocked to even register the threat. Leave it to Bokuto to think of anything that may put Akaashi under duress.

“But what about practice tonight?” he asked.

Bokuto handed him a glass of scotch, one of Akaashi’s favorite blends. “That will be the first and only time I ever lie to you. Had to have an excuse to make the surprise more effective.”

Akaashi’s phone vibrated, he pulled it out as he stood there.

**From Suga**

_DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO NOT SAY ANYTHING_

**From Suga**

_Sorry for making you rehearse with me on your birthday but it was all I could think of to keep you occupied while I gave Bo enough time to set up! Happy Birthday!_

“You…” He looked back up. Bokuto was beaming at him. “I can’t believe you did all this.”

“Trust me, this isn’t even _half_ of what I wanted to do. Kuro wanted me to hire an entire marching band. _I_ wanted to rent out all of the club and throw a massive surprise party. But I knew none of that is what you would’ve wanted. You’d hate me for it.”

Akaashi gripped the glass in his hand tightly, staring down at it. His shoulders started shaking. He saw Bokuto take a few steps closer to him. “Hey, hey, hey, are you upset? Was I completely wrong?” Bokuto said, voice filled with concern.

Until he heard a slight sniffle and Akaashi raised his head, a few tears streaming down his face. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” His lips turned up into a big smile, even through the tears, “Thank you.”

Bokuto took the glass from him and gently set it on the island, pulling the birthday boy in for a tight hug, holding the back of his head and cradling him into the crook of his neck. He rubbed his back. “You deserve so much more Kaashi. I hope you know how much your friends care about you. How much _I_ care about you.” They stayed there for a few moments, Akaashi coming back down from the emotions running through his body. He pulled back, chest still shaking and sniffling slightly.

“I don’t think this is really up to code.”

“Don’t worry, I got you a new fire extinguisher as a birthday present.”

Akaashi laughed, the sound twinkling almost as much as the candles. “Perfect. Just what I wanted.”

“Well, I hope that’s not all you wanted. Here, everyone made me haul their gifts over for you,” Bokuto said, walking over to the couch.

“No, no, no, please, you doing even all this was enough. Especially since I know how tired you’ve been.”

Bokuto glared. “Akaashi. Please. Lighting a few candles and demolishing a few rose bouquets is nothing.” He smirked, patting the couch, “Come here.”

Akaashi reluctantly walked around to sit next to him. He could see an assortment of his favorite food all over the table. Sandwiches from the shop down the street, pastries from the café they always go to, containers of soup from the ramen store across the street, and almost everything else Akaashi could imagine.

Bokuto placed a bag onto his lap.

“From Hinata and Kageyama,” he said.

They slowly went through the items, laughing at what their friends had deemed as good ideas for Akaashi while they munched on all the food Bokuto had brought. Kuro had given him a vinyl of a new band he thought Akaashi would like. Oikawa had actually gotten him a signed copy of a new book from one of their favorite authors. Matsukawa and Hanamaki gave him a box of assorted fancy chocolates and a calendar filled with sexy fireman (which Bokuto immediately threw over his shoulder as quick as possible, Akaashi full on laughing). And Kenma had gotten him a new, beautiful, hand-crafted metronome.

“This is all way too much, they didn’t have to do this,” Akaashi mumbled as he cleaned up some of the tissue paper and bags.

Shaking his head, “Well, you do have one more,” Bokuto grinned, handing over one more large, flat rectangular package he pulled from the side of the couch. “Happy birthday, Akaashi,” he beamed.

Akaashi’s shoulders dropped, “Bo...”

“Nah, uh, uh, don’t give me that, just open it.”

Rolling his eyes, Akaashi pushed his fingers into the seam of the paper, pulling it back once it popped opened. His jaw dropped. It was a large black frame holding a constellation map in it, the stars glittering against the dark blue background.

“It’s the position the stars were in the night of our first real date,” Bokuto smiled softly. “Remember how you showed me the constellations? All I could think about was how the hell is this smart, beautiful, caring human-being even talking to me.”

Akaashi’s eyes were burning again, he’d be dehydrated by the end of the night.“Bokuto…”

The taller man slid closer, softly cupping Akaashi’s face to brush off the few tears that were escaping. “You are my moon, stars, and everything in between, Akaashi. And nothing I could ever do or get you will be enough,” he whispered.

Akaashi closed the distance, pressing their lips together. “This is the most thoughtful gift anyone has given me.”

“So you like it?”

“I do. I love it. I lo-, I-”

Bokuto chuckled, “At a loss for words? I’ve done it folks!” He grinned, pumping the air slightly.

Akaashi pressed his mouth into a line, a slight blush on his cheeks as he nodded. _Now wasn't the time either_.  
  
  


He got up and placed the frame on the window ledge, leaning it back against the wall. He plopped back down on the couch when it was secure, Bokuto pulling his legs over his lap.

“Oh, by the way, Coach gave in and is giving us that time off,” Bokuto said as he played with Akaashi’s hair. “Only took Hinata’s incessant whining for him to just get so annoyed with us that even _he_ wanted a break from us,” he snorted.

Akaashi hummed, playing with the fingers on Bokuto’s free left hand, “So then how would you feel about coming to our end of year gala? I think Daichi will be there.”

Bokuto looked down at him, his hand frozen resting on his head. “What? Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

“I wanted to see if you had the time first,” Akaashi shrugged. “Plus, I know you hate dressing up and everything. Not your usual cup of tea,” he leered.

“But I will for you, Akaashi,” he said, squeezing him against his body, “’Course I’ll go. When is it?”

“It’s next week….” Akaashi murmured. “If it makes you feel any better we just found out that they want our band to play at the end of it last minute too,” he added when he saw Bokuto’s accusing glare of not telling him sooner.

“Woah, modern music at a symphony gala?”

“Right? But the theme is ‘Breaking the Quo’ and what does that more than bringing pop music to a bunch of orchestra snobs.”

Bokuto chuckled, “That will be fantastic.” He stilled, his eyes narrowing in on a spot above Akaashi. “Did you hit your head? Why does it feel like you have a bump right here?” He softly ran his fingers across Akaashi’s scalp.

“Ugh, yeah. I was basically inside the piano when Kiyoko told me about the band playing. Needless to say, I was a little stunned.”

”Why were you _inside_ the piano?”

”Well who else was going to fix the hammer,” he mused.

Bokuto rested his head against Akaashi again, “My poor in demand boyfriend. I have absolutely no idea what a hammer is doing inside a piano but good to know I don’t need to punch someone for hurting you.”

“Nope, just me being careless.”

"Hmm, you’re never careless, babe.” He perked. “Wait, I finally get to see your band play!”

“Mhm, surprise?”

“Heyy,” Bokuto joked, rubbing his face against Akaashi’s hair, “I’m supposed to be surprising you, it’s _your_ birthday…”

“And you have!” Akaashi said, pulling back so they can look at each other. “This really has been probably my favorite birthday ever. Thank you. For being so thoughtful and my gift and everything else,” he murmured as he kissed Bokuto again.

Bokuto smirked against his lips, “Oh, silly me, there’s actually one more gift, maybe two…” he said slyly as he leaned Akaashi’s back against the couch.

Akaashi’s eyebrow raised, “Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm,” Bokuto hummed as he hovered over Akaashi, his hands gripped onto the hips below him. He leaned in. “I’m gonna make you cum _so_ _hard_ ,” he purred.

Akaashi put his hands into Bokuto’s hair, grinning. “So hard I see stars?”

Bokuto laughed, the sweet timbre coating Akaashi in warmth, “Yes, exactly. The picture was just a precursor.” He kissed him again. “Only the best for my birthday boy.”

Akaashi couldn’t remember the last time his birthday hadn’t been spent alone or in tears. Now, the only tears he shed were in joy over having a boyfriend like Bokuto to share his life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I have always wanted one of those stars maps so you’re damn right I’m gonna write it in here!
> 
> How’s everyone doing, you still with me? We’re coming up on the next arc, deep breaths everyone...
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	26. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seasonal anxiety was hitting Bokuto hard, so much worse than it was two weeks ago. And without volleyball to keep his mind occupied, he’s turned into a complete wreck in a very short amount of time.

The final notes of the song rang out in the practice room. The band looked at each other. 

They all nodded. “Yeah, that’ll do,” Suga said. 

“That’ll do,” they all repeated. 

Everyone was exhausted. The few days leading up to the gala was all hands on deck. Not only did they have to come up with a new song to end the concert, but Yasufumi had doubled their group and sectional practices to get ready for the symphony’s performance. None of the members were allowed to play outside bookings for that week in order to dedicate more time to the NSO and to save whatever energy they could. 

That obviously couldn’t apply to the small group cleaning up the rehearsal space at the moment. They had gone straight from one grueling rehearsal right to the next with band practice. Not that they could really complain though, they had all agreed that this would be a great opportunity for them. They made their beds and now it was time to lay in them.

“I. Am. STARVING,” Tanaka yelled. The rest of the group nodded. “You guys wanna go get dinner?”

Most of them hummed in agreement, Yachi excused herself to go home to sleep. The poor girl has been running herself ragged preparing herself to sing for the event. The others waved her off as they finished putting everything away.

Akaashi actually couldn’t remember when he last ate a full meal. If he wasn’t in practice he was working on his Christmas present for Bokuto. He had been living off of snacks and coffee, trying to eat whatever he could during the short breaks before having to jump right back into it. Who knows if his body can even stomach more than a few pretzels now.

After placing what instruments needed to be locked up in the storage room, they headed to the lobby, waving to the security guard at the desk. 

Akaashi’s phone started ringing. 

“Hey, Bo.”

“Akaaashii,” Bokuto whined, his words came out a mile a minute, “I don’t know how it happened but I somehow end up with two of those hand mixers I ordered for my mom for Christmas, I guess I ordered it earlier and forgot so I ordered it again?? But I don’t know where I put either receipt, will they take it back without the receipt-”

“Bo, slow down,” Akaashi interjected, “You ordered it online, right? Then you probably also have an emailed receipt.”

Bokuto’s voice was high, “But then I have to explain to them what happened and I’ll look like an idiot.” He whimpered. “What if I use a receipt for the wrong box? What if they get mad and yell at me? What if I go to the wrong store??”

“You don’t have to explain anything to them, they’ll have no idea.” He heard Bokuto sucking in air quickly. “I’ll come over tomorrow and we’ll figure out which receipt is which and I’ll go with you to return it, ok?”

Seasonal anxiety was hitting Bokuto hard, so much worse than it was two weeks ago. And without volleyball to keep his mind occupied, he’s turned into a complete wreck in a very short amount of time. He was constantly second guessing himself way more than usual, texting Akaashi about minor freak outs on tasks that he has definitely done before. Akaashi felt the constant buzzing of his phone in his pocket as the symphony rehearsed. Even Kuro had to call Akaashi when the man was barely eating because he didn’t want to go to the store for groceries and have people look at him funnily.

It didn’t necessarily surprise Akaashi, he’s had his own experience with seasonal depression and worries - the early setting sun did no one any good. 

He had texted Kira to see if she could convince her brother to buck up, but she said there really wasn’t anything for them to do except let it run its course. They had tried all they could in the past with little success…

“Have you eaten yet?” Akaashi asked. The group was walking to the restaurant they had decided on.

He heard a disgruntled ‘no’ through the phone. Covering the mouth piece, he turned to everyone. “Do you guys mind if Bokuto comes?” All the heads in the small group shook in a no. 

“Bo, come get dinner with us.”

“But-”

“Nope, I’m texting you the address. Bye.” Maybe if Akaashi put all the information in Bokuto’s hands then he would calm down and break out of this moment of weakness. He sent explicit instructions on how to get to the restaurant from his apartment (all if he went via train, car, or foot), what the building looked like and the parking situation, he even told him exactly where they were sitting inside the restaurant. 

They had just gotten their drinks when Bokuto strolled in, hands in his pockets. 

“Hey!” Akaashi smiled and patted the seat next to him. The volleyball player greeted the rest of the group with a shy voice.

“Oh, Bokuto, I tried that pesto recipe you gave me? Fantastic. I’ve made it like, five times in the past three weeks,” Asahi said.

It became very ironic that Asahi and Bokuto had gotten so close. After they had gotten over the initial hump of awkwardness from the past events, they had bonded over a love of cooking when Akaashi had them all over for a pot luck one evening. The two spent the whole night exchanging recipes and laughing over Gordon Ramsey memes.

Akaashi saw Bokuto relax a bit into the seat. Bless Asahi and being able to tell when others need a pick me up. “Right? I told you, the nutmeg makes all the difference.”

The dinner was much needed, the exhausted musicians needed sustenance and the anxious volleyball player needed to get out of his head. They were having a great time laughing at stories and jokes. Akaashi kept tabs on his boyfriend, noticing as his energy level went up and down in waves.

Tanaka banged on the table suddenly. “Wait! I didn’t tell you about what happened in the Sapporo orchestra last week!”

All the musicians started talking over each other trying to guess.

“Tanaka has a friend who plays in a rival orchestra,” Akaashi whispered to Bokuto.

“Hana told me that when they were rehearsing their selection for the gala that Tenji-sensei got so frustrated he walked out! Just left, in the middle of rehearsal!”

They all gasped. Bokuto looked at them in confusion, trying to follow along.

Suga leaned over to look at Tanaka, “Wait, did she tell you what they’re playing?”

Tanaka had a coy look, “Mhmm.” He paused dramatically. 

“Oh my god, just spill it!” Akaashi exclaimed. He was practically off his chair waiting for it. His excitement amused Bokuto. 

“Parade.”

All their faces turned to shock.

“No way,” Asahi said. 

“They really think they can do that?” Yu overlapped, throwing his hands up. 

“Those runs though, there’s no way their clarinet section can handle that, we barely did,” Suga mumbled.

“Tenji-san has never done an Avant Garde piece. That’s a big risk,” Akaashi said, clearly in thought. 

Bokuto nudged him. “Um, what’s the problem?”

They all looked at him, Bokuto feeling a bit like a peon. Suga took it. “It’s a really controversial piece due to its phonetic nature, it uses really obscure sounds like typewriters, fog horns, even tap dancing. The NSO used that piece in a competition two years ago and we basically turned the whole competition world upside down when we did it. But it was worth the risk, we just barely beat them out for first place.”

Bokuto’s eyes were still blank. 

Akaashi put his hand on his leg, “Them playing it now is basically like them trying to say we aren’t special, they can do it too. Almost like a team using a play against you that you used to win a set.”

“Ah. Got it. Yeah that’s pretty shitty, I didn’t know there was so much hostilities among all the orchestras.”

“Oh, there’s more drama than a girls bathroom during prom,” Yu said.

“Do they even have enough percussionist’s to handle that?” Suga asked.

“I wonder if they’ll use a real siren like we did, we almost had everyone thinking the fire alarm went off,” Akaashi mused.

Tanaka spoke through a mouthful of food, “I think Hana said they’re gonna just have a trumpet replicate it.”

“A trumpet? They really think that’s going to give them the same sound? It’s going to throw their entire intonation off.”

Suga’s eyes were wide in horror, “I barely had five strings left on my bow after that song. You know how many bows I went through that season?”

All the talk was going right over Bokuto’s head. There was nothing he could contribute to the conversation. All he could really do was drink his beer silently as he just nodded along with the rest of them.

Akaashi kept stealing worried glances at his boyfriend. 

Maybe inviting him out wasn’t the best idea... 

\---------------------

They stood outside the store, Bokuto clutching Akaashi’s hand. 

“What if they don’t accept returns?”

Akaashi gripped his hand a little tighter, “They do. And if they don’t, then I’ll go all Karen mode on them.”

The joke didn’t ease the tense way in which Bokuto was standing. 

“Hey,” he said, standing more directly in front of his boyfriend, “Do you want me to do it? I don’t mind.”

Bokuto looked like a sad puppy before glancing down and giving a brisk nod. Akaashi gently took the box from him, making sure he didn’t lose the receipt they had printed out earlier. 

They walked inside. Bokuto stood off to the side as Akaashi went up to the counter, the lady behind it smiling sweetly. He couldn’t quite hear what they were saying but he saw Akaashi motion to the package, the two sharing a small laugh as he handed the receipt over. The whole process took about five minutes, Akaashi turning to walk away from the counter as he wrapped up the return receipt to hand to Bokuto. 

“Were you guys laughing at how stupid I am?”

Akaashi’s head tilted. “No? She was telling me how she was glad I didn’t come five minutes earlier because she had spilt her coffee all over the place and would’ve been embarrassed if she did it in front of me. I was telling her I do that all the time.”

He rubbed Bokuto’s arm softly, “You know, I’ve totally done the same thing you did before. It’s an honest mistake, people do it all the time.”

Bokuto took a deep breath, “You’re right.” He slung an arm over Akaashi as they exited, “And if _you’re_ not perfect then I don’t know who is,” his face showing the first sign of a smile Akaashi had seen all day. 

“Ha ha, so funny.” He looked at his phone. He really should get back to practicing but he couldn’t leave his boyfriend high and dry in his time of need. “You wanna go get lunch?”

  
  
Bokuto hesitated before sighing a sure.

  
They had a quick bite at a cafe around the block, Bokuto cheering up immensely after having the daunting task be over. He knew it was silly and that he would feel stupid about it tomorrow, but he physically couldn’t help his anxiousness. 

A girl came up to their table, “Well well well, so you _do_ eat every now and then.”

Akaashi looked up and smiled. “Maria.” He got up to give her a hug, “How are you?”

She sighed, “Oh you know, bogged down beyond relief with rehearsals for the gala. Surprised you’re even out in the light of day?”

Akaashi laughed, “Yeah well, I try not to be a vampire _all_ the time.” He turned slightly to gesture to Bokuto, “Maria, this is my boyfriend Bokuto. Bokuto, this is Maria. She plays in Sensei Takahiro’s group.”

They shook hands. “Ah, so this is the infamous boyfriend!”

Bokuto grinned shyly, “Um, yeah, guess that’s me. Unless he has another boyfriend I don’t know about.”

“Nope, it’s definitely you,” Maria winked. She looked back over at Akaashi, “By the way, I heard you guys were playing Archeopteryx? Risky. I like it.”

Akaashi shrugged, “Not as much as playing a pop song.”

Maria jolted forward, “Sensei told me about that! That’s crazy! How are you even alive right now, aren’t you exhausted from all the extra rehearsals you must have?”

“Probably just the same amount as you. Gotta love showcase season, am I right?”

She chuckled, the barista called out her name. “Wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t,” she said over her shoulder as she reached over to get her coffee, “Alright well, it was good to see you outside of a work setting. I’ll see you at the gala!”

Akaashi sat back down, taking a sip of his coffee. Bokuto’s eyes were squinted as he looked at him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were so busy? I wouldn’t have made you come out for this stupid reason.”

Akaashi shrugged, “Its ok. I kinda needed a break anyway.”

“And using your time to go out of your way to run an errand that’s not even for you is your idea of a break?”

“No, my idea of a break is hanging out with my boyfriend that I haven’t gotten a lot of time to see.”

Bokuto clicked his tongue, “You should be taking a nap or something.”

Akaashi reached over the table to place his hand on Bokuto’s, “I wanted to do this for you.”

He heard a sigh, the hand underneath his turning to intertwine their fingers. 

“Thanks.”

——————

They left the cafe a little bit later, Bokuto still not talking a lot, and made their way back to Bokuto’s apartment. Akaashi figured he needed to recharge in a comfortable environment. 

Akaashi hated seeing Bokuto like this. He remembered Kira saying that Bokuto hears his demons more than other people, Akaashi just wished he knew what to do. 

He tossed his jacket onto one of the island bar stools. Bokuto was already moving to the living room, flipping on the TV to the sports channel. 

“You want another drink or anything?” Akaashi asked. 

“Nah,” was the only response he got. 

He trudged over to the couch, sitting down without invading Bokuto’s space. If he wanted to cuddle, he would pull him over. He didn’t. 

They watched a few recaps of recent volleyball matches in silence for a bit, the tense air digging into Akaashi’s head. His leg was bouncing up and down subconsciously. He hated sitting still and quiet in situations like this. 

Bokuto finally spoke up, “If you don’t want to be here you can leave.”

Akaashi froze. “What?”

He saw Bokuto shrug, “You obviously have things to do. Why don’t you go do them?”

“I don’t mind. It’s nice to be around you.”

“Akaashi. Stop.”

The musician turned. “Stop wha-”

“Stop lying to me. Go take care of what you need to do or be around your musician friends because they obviously can support you more than I can.”

“What are you-”

Bokuto just kept glaring at the TV, “You’re obviously anxious to get back to spending your time around people who actually know what it is you do and can actually hold a conversation about it.”

“Ok Bo, seriously, what are you talki-”

“You’re shaking your leg as if you can’t wait to get out of here! Sorry that I’m not as prim and proper as your posh orchestra friends and you clearly despise being here. Why don’t you go hang out with them so you can all just talk nonstop about stupid music stuff.”

Akaashi bolted up off the couch, “Ok, that was too far. What the hell are you saying? You really think I all of a sudden despise you? You’re just talking nonsense now for no reason.”

“Well I’m sorry that I can’t be as perfect as you Akaashi, some of us actually show emotions other than tears.”

Akaashi stood up straight, his jaw tense. He ground his teeth to prevent him from spitting something back without thinking. “I know you’re in a weird state of mind right now and you can’t help it, but I really don’t deserve to be talked to like that. Not from you.” He stormed away, snatching his jacket off the chair. He barely glanced back as he called over his shoulder, “Talk to me when you’ve got a clear head.”

Bokuto didn’t even wince as he heard the door slam shut.

\------------------------------------

“Flutes, how about you actually try hitting the scale notes and not just running your fingers across random keys,” Yasufumi criticized after stopping the rehearsal.

The wind section grimaced.

“I expect that section to be perfect tomorrow.” The conductor sighed. “Alright, everyone go home and get some rest.”

The musicians slouched in relief.

“Why do your eyes look deader than a pigs head at a pork roast?” Suga asked, walking out of sectional rehearsal. After they had finalized their song and practiced it enough, the band had opted to cut their rehearsals in order to get much needed sleep so they luckily got to go home after practice.

But it didn’t help Akaashi getting any sleep last night. Bokuto hadn’t texted him when he’d gotten back to his apartment, nor had he reached out at all today. Akaashi couldn’t help but think he was too harsh on his sensitive boyfriend. 

“Just tired,” Akaashi responded. “Ready for all this to be over.”

Suga agreed. “Saturday can’t come any quicker. Got any plans to celebrate it being done?”

Akaashi’s shoulders sagged. “To be honest I haven’t had any time to think about it.” His mind had been too occupied with work and the glitch in his relationship.

“That’s fair. Well, if you don’t have plans you can come have a celebratory dinner with me and Daichi!”

“Thanks, Suga.”

“Alright, go get some rest. You really look like the walking dead.”

They went their separate ways, Akaashi trudging back to his apartment with his scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. He used the buffer to hide the majority of his face. 

He didn’t have any energy left. He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to help the situation. He felt powerless and also to blame. Should he have stayed? Akaashi likes to be distracted when he’s in the middle of a panic attack, maybe he should’ve done that for Bokuto like he did for him? But Akaashi never spoke like that during his episodes. Perhaps they were opposite in that regard too. He just can’t imagine wanting to be alone during something like that though.

Eating a quick bite to eat, Akaashi sat on his couch, numb. His eyes weren’t focusing on the TV in front of him. He finally switched it off when he felt his chest start to heave, the start of liquid burning his eyes. He hit the lights off, burrowing his way under his comforter, trying to stop the ache in his body. 

It didn’t work. He thought for sure he would be staring into the darkness of his ceiling for the entire night, but the exhaustion and tears finally made him drift off to sleep. 

—————

Bokuto was staring at his ceiling. 

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He knows he didn’t actually mean the things he said to Akaashi, but he had just felt so at a loss and in agony in his own body that he didn’t want Akaashi to pity him anymore, didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore.

But once he was alone, and went through his own sort of grieving process, including hitting himself over the head for being such a child, he was just filled with regret. His head had finally cleared, and he just felt like a dick. He had debated all day how to apologize. But after that girl, Maria, had said how busy Akaashi was, he didn’t want to bother him at rehearsal or take time away that he could be on a break. So he went the whole day without talking. 

He knew that he was in a bad state. All his insecurities were being amplified and he hated it. He thought he had gotten this under control, thought that being with Akaashi had made everything just fall away. But it looks like he still has ways to go. Akaashi didn’t deserve to be treated like this.

Bokuto wasn’t going to let his head win now. He grabbed his keys off the dresser. Akaashi would more than likely be home by now because of the time, and Bokuto stopped himself from worrying about waking him up. 

He would just add it to his apology. 

He practiced what he was going to say on the drive over, repeated the words in his head as he used his key to open the door, but all of it went out the window once he saw the soft night light reflecting off of Akaashi’s tear stained cheeks as he slept. 

Bokuto dropped to his knees in front of him, placing a hand gently on his cheeks to wipe the tears away. 

“Kaashi...” he whispered. 

He saw the boy shift, his eyes opening slowly. 

Bokuto’s figure was hazy to Akaashi, he could feel a hand on his face but couldn’t process anything from the fogginess of his sleep. 

But his eyes widened when he heard a hiccup. 

Tears were coming down Bokuto’s face.

He had never seen Bo cry. 

“Kaashi, I’m so so sorry. I’m in a bad state and I said those things that I didn’t mean and I-I-”

He was cut off when he felt the body hit him. Akaashi flung himself at him, crashing off the bed as he wrapped his arms around his neck, halfway in Bokuto’s lap. 

Bokuto was still crying, “I don’t know why I did that. I couldn’t help it, I’m sorry, and I didn’t want you to see me like that. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with me,” he choked on tears.

Akaashi hugged him tighter, rubbing the back of his head, “Shhh, it’s ok. It’s ok,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch on to what you needed. I pushed you to do things that only made it worst. I should’ve thought about what you needed.”

They stayed there on the ground for what felt like forever, Bokuto sniffling as Akaashi rubbed his back.

Silently, Akaashi removed his arms and started to get off the ground, pulling Bokuto up with him as he started to shift onto the bed.

It was common knowledge that Akaashi was usually the one that ended up falling asleep on Bokuto. It’s not his fault he’s the perfect size for being the little spoon. But as he saw Bokuto’s dejected face and sagging shoulders, he pulled the man down and cradled his head, feeling the hitching breath come out against his neck. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto, the taller man curling in and moving one of his legs in between Akaashi’s.

And that’s how they sleep that night. Akaashi holding his much-larger-than-him boyfriend and smoothing out his hair while listening to his breathing even out.

But he should’ve known what his boyfriend needed sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really important chapter for me to write. Everyone handles anxiety/depression differently and partners need to understand what the other needs during low points. It’s a hard conversation, but it needs to happen. 
> 
> For the gala, the NSO will be playing the first movement of Mason Bates’ ‘Violin Concerto’- ‘Archeopteryx’ which is about 11/12 min if you feel inclined to watch it. The DSOLive has a great video on YouTube. 
> 
> The ‘Parade’ piece mentioned being played is by Erik Satie which sounds normal for the first two minutes then gets progressively weirder. Listen to one he himself posted on YouTube with (orchestra) in the title for the full effect!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	27. Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi’s voice was like silk, Bokuto couldn’t help but let his jaw drop. His whole presence on stage demanded attention, he looked like he was made for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me start by saying my little heart is overwhelmed by how many of you resonated with the last chapter and were so brave enough to share personal connections. I’m with you all and am fighting my own battles. Find what works for you and the person who will support you no matter what. Be kind to yourselves and others ❤️

Akaashi looked into the mirror as he fixed his bow tie. His tux was freshly dry cleaned for the gala, his tails hanging up next to the dresser. He sighed into the mirror. He doesn’t usually get nervous, but for some reason he was tonight. 

His eyes caught on his island in the reflection. 

There was a stack of mail thrown haphazardly across the granite, only one of the letters open and laying on top. 

That had definitely surprised him. He doesn’t know exactly when he got it, it had slipped his mind in between all his rehearsals to go and check his mailbox in the small lobby of his complex. But he finally remembered two days go. Seeing the emblem of the Royal City Ballet stamped into the corner made him open the envelope immediately. 

They wanted him to go play with them - but as an understudy to their lead pianist. 

He had been weighing the pros and cons since he got it. 

Pros: The ballet gained more traction and support than the symphony. And he had heard rumors that the current pianist was thinking about retirement, but that was just a rumor. Who knows when he would actually leave? 

Cons: Being an understudy, even for a short period, was a step down in where he wanted to go. And the ballet house was an hour away, his time would be cut drastically. And if he left the orchestra, wouldn’t he just lose all that hard work and effort he put in?

He already had an inkling as to what his answer would be, but he wanted to talk it over with his Sensei and of course with Bokuto. His boyfriend would also be affected with the time issue. 

He looked at the clock, he was about due to be picking up said boyfriend. It was a little out of his way but with Bokuto being so out of sync, he had offered to swing by and bring him to the event - only if he wanted him to though. With one final check in the mirror, he grabbed his concert folder with his sheet music, his topcoat, and headed out the door.

It would do him no good to think ahead when he had to focus on the present. 

——————-

Bokuto almost cancelled. He was a wreck. Kenma’s friend was getting married that weekend so he and Kuro were out of town for the entire week, which meant he would be solo at the gala while Akaashi played. Even with Akaashi picking him up, he felt completely out of sorts and drained. When he got the text from his boyfriend that he was in the parking lot downstairs, he almost puked.

He slapped his cheeks. He can do this. Come on.

He was tense the entire car ride. Akaashi did his best to take his mind off things with minimal conversation needed from Bokuto’s end. The pianist didn’t want to push him so he tried to fill the silence by talking about how he was excited about their upcoming visit to Bokuto’s family.

He had asked Akaashi to spend Christmas with them shortly after his birthday. It had caught Akaashi completely off guard and he himself thought for sure he would say no, but he realized that he wanted to know that side of Bokuto. Wanted to see where he grew up, wanted to meet his parents, and above all, wanted them to like him. So he eagerly said yes. They were meant to be going two days before Christmas.

Akaashi gripped his hand as they walked into the reception hall, there were even more people here than there were at the first concert Bokuto went to. The huge banquet room was filled with standing cocktail tables and seated circular tables with flower centerpieces. The high ceiling had cream moldings with colored beams of light shooting up the sides to set the ambiance. There was a stage on the long wall with chairs set up in a semicircle for the orchestras to use.

“Akaashi!” Maria waved over at them, dressed in a beautiful, long, black dress that cinched in close to her calves. 

“Hey,” Akaashi said, giving her a hug. “When do you all perform?”

“They obviously wanted to start with a bang because we’re up first,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Guess they wanted to get the amateur orchestras over and done with, huh? But I suppose it will give me just enough time to get back around into the audience to watch you all play.” She turned, catching Bokuto off guard as she gave him a tight hug. “So nice to see you again Bokuto!”

“You too.” He smiled. He liked her, she eased warmth and care. 

A band mate called over to her. “Oops, gotta go. I’ll see you all later!”

Akaashi turned to Bokuto, “I should go to. I need to check if we’re good on both songs and start warming up with everyone. Will you be ok?”

That stung Bokuto’s pride - even if he knew his boyfriend was just trying to look out for him. “I’ll be fine Akaashi, go do your thing.”

The pianist gave a light squeeze of their hands before releasing and walking away. Bokuto stood there at a loss. What the hell was he supposed to do? He made his way over to a bar and ordered a gin and tonic, turning to look over the crowd as everyone mingled. 

Bokuto frowned and glanced down. He had always thought he had a fairly good sense of style but the guys dressed here were clearly wearing tuxes and suits that were tremendously more suave and expensive than his. The ladies all covered their mouths as they laughed, the men had handkerchiefs placed neatly into their jacket pockets or flowers pinned to their lapels, and their hair was slicked back. This was such a different world than his own workplace. He tugged on the ends of his suit sleeves. Why didn’t Akaashi tell him to wear a nicer tie or better suit fabric? Guess he suspected Bokuto to just know. 

A hand clasped his shoulder. “Bokuto! Good to see you man,” Daichi said as he came into view. His uniform glittered from all the medals he had. Even Daichi looked the part.

“Daichi, thank God a familiar face,” he said, wrapping him in hug halfway, “What’s up man?”

Daichi huffed, ordering a drink from the bartender, “Geez man its crazy.” He nodded as he grabbed his scotch. “Work keeps me on my toes but at least I have a career, am I right?”

“Cheers to that. Akaashi said you got promoted?

“Mhm, Lieutenant now.”

“Damn man, congrats. Look at you moving up in the world.”

“Nah,” he waved it off, “How about you, what’s been going on?”

Bokuto shrugged, “Volleyball’s on a break right now so I don’t have a lot happening.”

“Damn that must be nice, having the down time. Bet it’s great, yeah?”

Bokuto pursed his lips. “Yeah, something like that.”

A lady walked onto the stage, Takahiro’s orchestra already sitting. She smiled as she adjusted her bright blue and purple gown. It puffed out at her waist and looked tie dyed on the bottom. It matched her bright purple glasses.

She tapped on the microphone, “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 20th annual End of Year Orchestra Gala!” The crowd clapped and called out, she let it climb before motioning to quiet down. “I am Amara Leiko, one of the organizers of this here little shindig.” She smiled, her arms held out awkwardly. “We have a _fantastic_ program for you all tonight. From the pamphlets and decorations you should all know that the theme for this year is ‘Breaking the Quo’. We hope that these selections are new and exciting to you, and step away from normal concerts you may be used to hearing! We have a great mix of both professional and amateur groups tonight so without further ado, please welcome our first group, the Capital City Orchestra and their performance of Heinrich Ignaz Franz von Biber’s **‘** Battalia _’_.” 

It was definitely different than what Bokuto was used to, definitely not the sweeping movements that he’s heard in general. The violinists were stomping their feet at one point, hitting their bows against the wood casing. 

Daichi leaned over, “Crazy right? Could never imagine being part of a group like that. They sound amazing.”

Bokuto shrugged. Maybe he just didn’t get it. “Yeah, I guess.”

They stood standing by the bar as the song finished, the audience whistling as they got up and the next group sat. Bokuto turned to Daichi, starting to recount the latest professional athlete scandal as the next group started to play. A man cut in, placing his hand on Daichi’s shoulder.

“’Scuse me, lieutenant can we borrow you?

“Ah Eri-san, of course. I’ll catch up with you later Bokuto.”

He nodded, Bokuto opting to stay by the bar once they left him alone. Better to make himself occupied by leaning on the bar than stand by himself. 

As the night went on, he made himself focus on the performances. All the groups were playing songs that everyone seemed enraptured with, but it just sounded like a big concoction of sounds to him. 

The NSO finally came up as the last group according to the pamphlet, Bokuto perking at finally getting to see Akaashi. Akaashi had told him that the song they were playing was definitely interesting to say the least. Very _staccato_ and _chromatic_ , whatever that meant.

Archeopteryx of the ‘Violin Concerto’ sounded like it belonged in some prehistoric museum showcase. Which, he guess made sense, but still was just weird to listen to. But he had to admit that Suga’s solo was fantastic. He looked around to see if he could spot Daichi, but he was lost in the crowd of people.

The piece ended. He saw the majority of the group get off the stage, Akaashi and the members of the small band staying behind to set up for the final song, helpers started removing the orchestra chairs. 

The announcer came back on stage. “Let’s give a round of applause to all the orchestras heard today!” Whistles sounded as people tapped on their glasses and hit their hands on the tables. “Our final piece, the ‘piece de resistance’ if you will,” she giggled, “As a way to truly ring in the new year of songs, we’re ending on a piece that we haven’t heard the likes of in 20 years of this gala. Yes, _20 years_. Please welcome to the stage a band compromised of professional musicians here to sing you their new song ‘Tough Love’. 

The crowd was murmuring to each other as they saw the setup: a drum set as opposed to traditional percussion instruments? Guitars and a bass outside of a jazz band? And they had all taken off their jackets, Akaashi rolling up the sleeves to his white dress shirt as he took the microphone. 

“A bit weird, eh?” he said into it, the crowd chuckled in response. “We’re honored to be closing out the performances tonight. We hope that the change of tune inspires all of us to push boundaries and to continue to ring in the New Year with open arms.” He hesitated, a slight blush going to his cheeks. “I’d also like to dedicate this performance to my boyfriend Bokuto, who is more than likely hiding all the way back there somewhere.”

Bokuto froze. His face going red as everyone looked around to figure out who it was. He rubbed the back of his head as he chuckled to himself, bringing his glass to his lips to avoid the stares. 

They started to play, Akaashi playing a stand up keyboard and Suga taking the lead on the violin while Tanaka set a pace on the drums. Akaashi leaned into the microphone to start singing as Tanaka let the snare vibrate.

‘Weight is on me, weight is on you  
We scream and we fight like there's nothing to lose'

Akaashi’s voice was like silk, even while playing the electric keyboard underneath his words, Bokuto couldn’t help but let his jaw drop. His whole presence on stage demanded attention, he looked like he was made for it.

'End of the day, come and take my arm  
There's no place I'd rather be than in your arms’

A blond girl was standing as far away from the other mic as possible until Suga pushed her forward even while playing the violin. Akaashi was nodding his head and snapping his fingers along to her, encouraging her through the second verse. 

They came in on the next verse together, their voices harmonizing perfectly as they turned towards each other.

‘Give me tough love and a lesson to learn  
Your tough love is what I deserve  
Sweet tough love, you're my pretty good luck charm  
There's no place I'd rather be than in your arms’

Akaashi and Suga did a pivot as Suga came forward to take the violin solo. It was a smooth transition as Akaashi grabbed the other singers hand and they started doing quick moves to the rhythm, a sort of salsa or tango to the fast beat of the drums.

Everyone in the crowd was nodding their heads along, some standing up to clap their hands and egg on the music. All the musicians on stage were smiling, Akaashi twirling the girl around as she laughed. _They just looked like they were having so much fun_ , Bokuto thought. How can they be so at ease with something so on display? The singers slid back to the mics as the bridge came up.

The whole thing was choreographed to a T, the two lead singers finding an intense vibe that fit perfectly with one another. They moved as one through the next verses and dance sets. Bokuto didn’t even blink the whole time. He saw as the girl took a complete one-eighty to the beginning of the song as Akaashi’s warm smile and voice accompanied her through the rest of the song. Akaashi’s presence alone built her confidence.

When they ended, all the musicians were breathing heavily as the audience cheered wildly. The band caught their breath. Akaashi spoke back into the mic. “Cheers to a great year everyone. That closes out tonight’s performances. Now you all can actually enjoy yourselves, thanks everyone, have a good night.” He waved, turning to clean up the final bits of the stage. 

“Excuse me,” A red headed lady dressed in a sparkling, navy gown came up to Bokuto, “I’m going to guess that you’re Akaashi’s boyfriend?” 

“How’d you know?” Bokuto grinned, reaching his hand out. 

She winked, “Call it a hunch.” That didn’t help Bokuto feel better.... “I’m Aiki.”

“Bokuto.”

“It is him,” she called out to two others behind her. The man and woman she was obviously talking with before as to whether or not it was he or not, came over to join the conversation. “You must be so proud of him, he’s such a talented musician.”

“I am,” Bokuto said with a smile.

The other lady, a blonde with her hair cut short in a bob and dressed in a bright red, puffy dress, spoke next. “What was your opinion of the pieces tonight? I loved ‘The Unanswered Question’ but I know it’s a little…” she shook her hand side to side. 

Bokuto didn’t know if that was a song or a metaphysical question. “Um-”

“Oh, you'll probably stand by the NSO as your favorite, right?” Aiki answered for him. “I have to admit that their intonation tonight was spot on.”

The third member had been grabbing a drink, but jumped right back into the group. He was short, and a bit pudgy. Bokuto could see the start of a bald spot on his head. “But the Sapporo group, oh my God, what were they thinking? I felt like my ears were going to bleed.” He made a disgusted face.

“Tell me about it,” the blonde said. “Did they really think they could get by with only three French horns? Rookie mistake, right Bokuto-kun?”

Bokuto’s head was ping ponging back and forth. “Ah, yeah…”

“Typical that they paled in comparison as to when Yasufumi did it,” Akira chided. “But the NSO, always does play such well chosen and famous selections. No doubt made better by their members.” She smiled knowingly as Bokuto. “I myself am a big donor to the group. I was actually speaking to Akaashi just recently on his opinion of equal temperament versus alternate tuning. What’s your opinion?”

“I don’t really-”

“I’m sure with dating Akaashi then you must have the same view on the Schenkerian Analysis?” the blonde asked.

Bokuto finally gave up and just nodded. “Yep, absolutely.”

The man cut in, “And I heard he’s making an arrangement! That will be amazing to hear.”

The blond lady gasped, “Have you heard it yet, Bokuto-kun? He always plays such rolling pieces, I bet it’s in a major key.”

The man turned to Bokuto, “Do you know if it will be a Minor or Major piece?”

“Oh, I’m sure whatever he composes will be a major piece. He doesn’t half heart anything.”

They stared at him before they all started laughing. Aiki spoke as she caught her breath, “What great humor! Such a good music pun.”

Bokuto cocked his head, he didn’t understand what was funny...

“I do hope he’ll accept the ballets offer.”

Bokuto stopped himself from taking a sip of his drink. He looked at Aiki. “Offer?”

She stared at him quizzically, “He didn’t tell you? I’m on the board of directors of the Royal City Ballet, we want him to come join us!”

The man put his hand out, thrilled, “Oh, he would be such a good addition!”

They started talking over each other in agreement, how he would bring such a fresh take on everything and would be so invigorating to the ballet.

“Um, will you excuse me,” Bokuto said. “I need some air.”

They stopped, almost forgetting that he was even standing there. “Of course sweetie, we hope to talk again! Hopefully at one of the ballet’s performances!”

Bokuto gave a halfhearted smile as he left his now empty glass on the bar. He walked through the large ballroom to the lobby, crossing through the front doors to stand in the chilly air. It bit through his suit. Even outside he still felt the adrenaline and rush of everything around him. His head was blurry. He closed his eyes. Everything just felt out of place. What was he doing? How could he ever expect this to feel right? And why the hell would Akaashi throw him to the lions like this. 

“Bo!”

He turned. Akaashi was walking towards him, pulling his jacket back on. As he fixed the collar and tugged it straight, the way he stood in the doorway with the rest of the party behind him made him look like an undisturbed painting from the 1920s. 

“What are you doing out here, aren’t you cold?”

Bokuto didn’t move, his jaw locked as his senses took in the scene before him. 

“Bok-”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the ballet?” he said evenly, his voice not above a whisper. 

Akaashi was taken back, “Um, how did you…I hadn’t made a decision yet. I was going to talk to sensei about it and you-”

“But sensei first because I obviously wouldn’t understand the technicalities, right?” 

“What? No, just to-”

“Akaashi.” Bokuto stared at him, pain in his eyes, his throat constricting. “I don’t belong here.”

Akaashi took a step forward, attempting to grin through his words, “What are you talking about, yes you do. You’re with me.”

Bokuto shook his head, looking down. He didn’t move from his spot. “I couldn’t understand a single thing going on this entire night. I almost backed out because I had to go alone and I _know_ how much this means to you.” He looked up at him. “I know that you live for all _this_ , but I had people coming up to me basically speaking gibberish. I’m dressed like I belong on the streets compared to these people and you know what the worst part is? I couldn’t even speak when they asked me questions about you.”

He took a breath, steeling himself from backing out. _This wasn’t right_ , he kept repeating to himself. “You can find someone so much better than me. Someone who you can talk to about…about all of _this_. I-I can’t give you that.”

“Bo, what are-what you saying, where is this coming from?” Akaashi’s eyes started to flare, the lights from outside the building sparking the blue undertones in them. He was getting scared.

Taking another deep breath, Bokuto put his hands in his pockets as he looked off towards the city. “I need to figure myself out. I don’t have volleyball and I’m suddenly a mess? I’m all over the place, still the same dependent person I always have been. I put you through so much unnecessary clingy shit, I can barely hold conversations with your friends, and I haven’t grown at all. Look at you, you’re doing so well. You have amazing opportunities and I’m just living for each practice. I can’t even go to stores by myself!”

Akaashi gently put his hands on Bokuto’s jacket lapels. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t doing well, or that you don’t belong here. We-we can figure it out together. Bo, I-I can’t lose you. I lo-”

“You said you wouldn’t be an obstacle in me figuring out how to stand on my own,” Bokuto cut him off, gently, yet forcibly, grabbing Akaashi’s clutching hands to take them off his jacket.

Echoes of the past conversation flew through Akaashi’s mind. _This wasn’t what he had meant._

“You said I need to figure out what I need to do to get there. I’ve jumped from relationship to relationship trying to find some sort of validation and crutch and I think this it. I need to take some time on my own, take some time to figure out how to _be_ enough on my own.” He looked into the ballroom again. “I need a break to figure out if I can be in your world or not. I’m sorry.”

Akaashi had tears in his eyes, his voice cracking. “Bo, please...”

Bokuto pressed a long and hard kiss to his forehead. “You looked great tonight, Akaashi. I’m…I’m so sorry. I just need some time, ok?”

Akaashi looked down. 

He didn’t know when Bokuto backed away. He couldn’t bear to watch as the love of his life walked away. Leaving him alone in the snowy night, his tears dropping onto the white blanket below him, melting away the beauty.

  
  


CCO - [Battalia](https://youtu.be/_pYPa1014RA) (This ones interesting because towards the middle it’s suppose to mimic drunk soldiers)

Sapporo Group - [Parade](https://youtu.be/MSMHYnQj52g)

NSO - [Violin Concerto (First Movement)](https://youtu.be/VqxyOUp4fx4)

Mentioned - [The Unanswered Question](https://youtu.be/kkaOz48cq2g)

The bands song - [Tough Love](https://youtu.be/nR7VWSgQqL0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😢😢 this one hurt me, I’m not gonna lie. 
> 
> What, you thought it would be all sunshine and rainbows? Love is hard. People gotta work through things. Bokuto still needs to figure out what he needs to be ok.
> 
> Song the band sings is Tough Love by Avicii!
> 
> On a different note, y’all should go read CheCheCheer's comment on the last chapter if y’all want a MAJOR laugh from the link which leads me toooo: Do you all want me to go back and add links to the exact YouTube videos of the song versions I listened to for inspiration? I don’t think I can put it in the notes but I can add it to the body at the very end of chapters. Let me know if y’all want me to do that 😊
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	28. Imperfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How can I take care of him when I can’t even take care of myself?”
> 
> Kenma nodded, “But wouldn’t it be easier to figure all that out with someone by your side?”

Akaashi knocked on the door, adjusting the bottle of scotch he had in the crook of his arm. The door flung open.

“Akaashi!”

He did his best to grin. “Hey, Suga.”

The violinist opened the door wider, “Come on in!”

“Thanks. Sorry to intrude,” he mumbled, holding out the bottle. 

His host waved him off. “Nonsense. We invited you, remember?”

Akaashi nodded stiffly before greeting Daichi, the police officer’s tan hand contrasting with Akaashi’s light one. He was even paler than before, his eyes a bit empty, the lack of sleep and emotional turmoil taking its toll on him. 

It had been a week since Bokuto walked away from him. He had debated contacting him, wrote and deleted texts without ever sending one. Bokuto had clearly stated he needed space. But what was Akaashi supposed to do when space was the last thing he wanted?

He sighed, Suga popping open the scotch bottle to pour some for all of them. 

Suga had been the one to find Akaashi standing there frozen outside the gala. One look at his face had him pulling him in for a hug as Akaashi cried into his shoulder. He made Daichi sleep at a friends that night, passing his violin over to him and taking the keys to their car. He didn’t trust Akaashi to be by himself that night. 

The long time friend had kept tabs on him once he left the next morning. Multiple messages were sent trying to convince Akaashi to take it easy and just relax, maybe get some more sleep. Bless ‘Find my Friends’. Suga had nearly caused multiple car accidents as he raced to the hall when he saw the pianist’s location there when they had no rehearsal. 

‘It’s the only thing that keeps my mind off of things, but using my own piano is too hard,’ he had whispered into the keys of the grand piano on the practice stage. 

After seeing the dejected state, Suga had Daichi text Kuro to tell him to fix it. Everyone had seen firsthand Bokuto and Akaashi’s bond, there’s no way it could just end like this. Kuro had responded that he’ll let them know what he finds out once he and Kenma got back from the wedding. They weren’t meant to come home to the apartment until the end of the week. 

Suga took it upon himself to take care of his friend until then. Akaashi was always pouring his soul into everyone else, it was about time someone was there in his own time of need. 

They ate a huge meal that night consisting of any and every dish that Suga and Daichi were capable of cooking. Suga was afraid that the man wasn’t eating at his own apartment, and he was already thin enough. So he insisted on making enough to both A) stuff down his throat while he was there and B) to give him some to take home. Even if he ended up not eating it, at least Suga could say he tried and knew that it would be there if he wanted it. The couple did their best to raise their friend’s spirit with anecdotes and jokes the entire dinner, but with no good. Akaashi turned more into a shell each night.

Daichi went into the bedroom to give them some space after cleaning up the kitchen.

“Kaashi....” Suga stared at him from across the table, “I’m worried about you.”

Uncrossing his arms, Akaashi leaned forward and poured himself some more scotch in response.

“I’m fine,” he muttered finally. “He just needs some time.”

“But I don’t know if it’s really fair of him to do this to you, it’s not very thoughtful of him-”

“Don’t say that!” Akaashi exclaimed, his face turning red in anger. “He _does_ care and will come around. He just needs time,” he repeated. He paused, looking down into his glass. “Right?” he whispered less confidently.

Suga spoke softly, “But Akaashi, he just left-”

“He didn’t leave!” Akaashi started sniffling, his bangs falling into his eyes to hide the water pooling, “He can’t just leave...I-I’m in love with him, Suga.”

Suga’s back straightened. It shouldn’t have been a huge surprise to him, but it didn’t necessarily help the situation. He sighed, placing his hand over his friend’s. “I think he _does_ care about you. A lot. And he might need time but…it's already been a week.” Suga didn't want to say what he was really thinking - that Akaashi may need to be prepared to move on. He gripped his hand tighter, an encouraging smile coming to his face, “Maybe you should at least tell him how you feel? Give a little push to wake him up?”

Akaashi used his sleeve to wipe at his nose. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m so sorry for bothering you with this.”

Arms wrapped around him, Suga rubbed his back gently, “You never bother me Akaashi. You’re always helping everyone, this is the least I could for you.”

Akaashi spent the night on their couch again, the bottle of scotch now empty next to him, whimpering in his sleep. 

Suga couldn’t help but cling onto Daichi a little bit tighter that night. 

————————-

Kuro threw open the bedroom door, flipping the light switch on. “What the fuck, Bo? I leave you alone for a week and you ruin your relationship? What the hell happened!?”

Bokuto tightened the blankets over his head more, “Fuck off, Kuro.”

His roommate crossed his arms, “You wouldn’t be friends with me if you didn’t like my stubbornness. Get the fuck up and tell me what happened.”

Bokuto groaned loudly, “I said go away!”

It was silent. He thought maybe Kuro walked away without making a sound. But he heard Kuro’s voice again, softer this time. “I don’t know the details, but I do know you. Whatever is going on in your head, whatever crazy worst case scenarios you have cooking up, I know you can’t help it,” he assured, “But I hope you figure out whatever it is you need quickly. Because what you and Akaashi have is special. And you deserve to be with someone like him.”

The bedroom door closing sounded through the room. Bokuto flipped the blanket off. It was dark in his room again. 

His heart was sore, his throat scratchy. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would do better. He would _be_ better. 

———————-

Bokuto went through the motions for the next few days; doing what he could to avoid Kuro, going on runs, catching up on all the errands he put off, going to just sit in the public library…he even manned up and went to a restaurant by himself. Forced himself to keep his head up. 

No one even noticed him really. 

The only time anyone took any sign of him, other than blank stares, was a little boy that was holding his mother’s hand who gasped when he saw the volleyball player. The lady nudged him forward. The boy had just started on a volleyball team and was exclaiming how he wanted to be just like Bokuto when he grew up. 

Bokuto smiled as he signed the notepad for them. _Maybe don’t be_ exactly _like me_ , he thought.

He walked away with his hands in his pockets. _How is it that a little boy has more courage than he does?_

He slowly opened his bedroom door the morning after that, listening for the telltale signs of Kuro making food. When he heard none, he padded into the kitchen, letting out a scream when he turned to see Kenma sitting silently on the couch. 

“Fuck, you really are a cat!”

Kenma shrugged, “Sorry.”

Bokuto clutched his chest, trying to calm his heart rate. 

The small man didn’t say anything as Bokuto made himself some cereal, sitting next to Kenma when he was done. They were silent as the news played quietly on the TV.

“You’re not gonna ask me about it?”

Kenma shrugged again. “Not my place. You’ll bring it up if you want to.”

Bokuto nodded, eating his cereal in silence. He put the bowl on the low table when he was done. 

“I don’t belong in that world.”

Kenma glanced at him, letting him continue. 

Bokuto slouched back into the couch, sighing. “I saw him up there singing, and he was glorious. Just…so in his element.” He stared at the ceiling. “But I couldn’t have felt further away. Like I was watching through a screen. A time period I didn’t belong in.”

He turned his head a bit to look at Kenma, “Music means so much to him and I completely respect that. But I can’t be on the same level as him there, I can’t even walk on my own. I have no idea how to be a normal functioning human being. I feel so at a lost to him, so below him. And that girl he sang with? It was like they were on the exact same page, just so in sync. I could never do that.”

“Are you an idiot?”

Bokuto sat up straight, eyes going wide.

Kenma’s eyes were heated in their cat like state, “I shouldn’t be telling you this and I’m only going to tell you the bare minimum.” He paused to think it through in his head. “How much do you know about Akaashi’s last boyfriend?”

Shaking his head slightly, “Not much,” Bokuto said. “Akaashi says it’s too hard to talk about so I never pressed him. I just know that it sounded like he controlled him a lot.”

The DJ nodded a bit, “He did. But it was way worse than that. To the point where I’m talking almost Stockholm syndrome in a way. Both physically and emotionally abusive.” He put his hand up, “I’m not gonna say more, that’s not my place. But...when Akaashi was finally through the pain, finally free of that asshat, he said one of the worst things Daishou ever did, was the emotional abuse of not supporting his love for music. Belittling it. Not taking it seriously. Said that his body healed from wounds a lot quicker than his soul.

“You were never expected to know the mechanics behind the music, Akaashi knew that. He wasn't expecting you to have a full debate on Beethoven versus Bach with him, he just needed you to validate it that part of his life. And you just said that you value that love more than anything. How do you think he feels knowing that even someone who _does_ support him will leave him? For some stupid reason like not being able to walk by themselves.”

Sighing, he grabbed the remote to turn the TV off before continuing. “Akaashi is _almost_ as sensitive as you, but he’ll never tell someone his feelings so willingly. He’s always used his music for that. You mentioned the girl he sang with. Short, blonde?” Bokuto nodded. “Yeah, that’s Yachi. And you said they had this intense connection?”

“Yeah, more than us and _I’m_ his-...well, _was_ his boyfriend.”

Kenma flicked his forehead, Bokuto yelped, hands flying to his head. “Yachi basically owes her whole career to Akaashi. She’s his understudy for the orchestra now but she was in the same program as us in school.

”When Akaashi got to college, he wasn’t really able to connect with the others in his major.” He shrugged. “Music majors can be kinda snobby if I’m being honest. Nobody originally wanted to pair with him because he was so quiet. And it’s not like Akaashi really went out of his way to hang out with them when he was giving all his time to Daishou. When he found Yachi, he coached her for months, spent hours with her, even when no one else gave her the time of day. Said that she and him just felt rhythms the same way.

“When people started to hear how good he was, he had students begging to work with him. But Akaashi was always indebted to Yachi with how kind she was and how much she understood him. He never worked with any other singer. That’s just how Akaashi is I guess, though. He doesn’t give up on people.”

The look he shot Bokuto as he said that last statement was almost enough for Bokuto to crawl into the corner and seclude himself from the world forever.

Kenma stared at him, “So now do you realize that Yachi is the only one he ever trusted to sing the songs he wrote about his ex? Of course they have a connection, she literally sang Akaashi’s soul for him when he couldn’t bear to do it himself.”

He got up from the couch, moving to Kuro’s room. Bokuto thought that was the end of the conversation, but he returned with his laptop in hand. 

“I don’t like invading Akaashi’s privacy like this. But I think you need to realize why they had that connection, and how you don’t need to be his musical partner to hear him and still support him.”

He tapped on his laptop. Bokuto saw a folder over his shoulder labeled: “AK - FINAL.”

“This is from that album he did for his thesis project. The one where we switched genres? Here.” He pressed play on one of the songs.

Akaashi’s voice sounded on it for a second, obviously getting the guitar settled as he counted down for Yachi to start.

He strummed, the sound piercing Bokuto’s ears. Yachi’s voice broadcasted through the speakers, a quiet eeriness to the sullen tone.

‘I’ve been holding my breath, I’ve been counting to ten, over something you said.

I’ve been holding back tears, while you’re throwing back beers, I’m alone in bed.’

Bokuto leaned forward on his knees, his mind imagining the pain Akaashi must’ve been in while writing this, not to mention recording even the guitar.

‘So tell me to leave, I’ll pack my bags, get on the road.

Find someone that loves you better than I do, darling, I know.

Cause you remind me every day, I’m not enough, but I still stay.’

How trapped did he feel? How many times did Akaashi get shut down by this guy but was too scared to leave? He ran his hands through his hair, the guitar playing for a long period of time. How hard was it to let someone else sing this?

‘You know I’m afraid of change, guess that’s why we stay the same.

You remind me every day, I’m not enough, but I still stay.’

The track ended. Bokuto’s heart pounded as he stared at the screen. He could only imagine college Akaashi stuck in this terrible relationship. Someone who tore Akaashi’s beautiful soul down. And here Bokuto was, breaking his heart all over again without really wanting to. 

Kenma played another, and another one. The lyrics floated through Bokuto’s head. They ranged. From hurt and sad, to rebuttal and anger.

‘You promised the world and I fell for it, I put you first and you adored it  
Set fires to my forest, And you let it burn’

’Let down my walls when I was so guarded, Blinded by you’

‘Really had me thinking that you cared, But every word you said was empty air  
I'm drowning in the water, it's you that held me under’

‘You got blood on your hands, How do you plead?  
Boy, it's like treason, how you treated me’

And Yachi sang on all of them.

“See,” Kenma said, closing the laptop. “That’s how much his music means to him, that he’s willing to have someone bear witness to his inner thoughts for the love of music. You don’t have to understand it, heck _I_ barely even know what the heck he talks about sometimes when he gets into classical verbiage. You just have to be there for him. And support him.”

Bokuto’s mouth gaped. “I-I didn’t want to hurt him, I love hearing him and watching him play, it takes my breath away every time! I just...this doesn’t make me feel like I can support him, Kenma. Not in terms of his music obviously, I love how passionate he is about it but...I can barely take care of myself. I still need to ask what Tupperware can be microwaved, let alone call a doctor’s office. How can I take care of him when I can’t even take care of myself?”

Kenma nodded, “But wouldn’t it be easier to figure all that out with someone by your side?”

Bokuto just kept staring at the wall in front of him.

“Kuro and I are going to a bar tonight. You should come.”

“I don’t really feel like going out...”

“Just for a little bit. Come on. You never know what revelation you’ll come to,” he said, patting his leg before getting off the couch.

“Kenma,” Bokuto called, watching as the other turned back to him, “If that guy was that bad, why didn’t you stop it?”

Kenma’s face darkened a bit. “When I met Akaashi, it was towards the tail end of their relationship. He always hid things so well. When I finally did find out, I did everything I could to convince him to end it. But I think he was more scared of what Daishou would do if he tried to leave. Best thing that happened to him was Daishou leaving him because 'Akaashi wasn't enough anymore'.”

His eyes bore deep into Bokuto’s. “If Akaashi can come back from the depths of despair from a relationship like that, and still learn to trust again, why the hell can’t _you_.”

——————————-

“How’d you even find this place?” Bokuto called over the noise. The entranceway to the bar wasn’t very big, the stairs they were going down led to a smoky and dark basement. It was one of those old buildings that had massive columns holding the ceiling up, there were a few standing tables on the far left but other than that and the bar, it was just the stage and main dance floor - and it was packed. 

They finally got off the stairs, trying to ease their way through the hoard of people. The final notes to the song of a band played out. 

“Alright guys,” a band member said into the mic, “For anyone that follows us you’ll know that this next one is a little different than what we usually do.”

They were standing at a terrible angle, one of the huge columns blocking their view. Kuro grabbed their arms to try and pull them around. 

“Sorry for the sappy song but, um…”

Bokuto froze, Kuro still trying to pull him. He shook his head. He knew that voice. 

“I’m not gonna lie,” Akaashi said, “I’m going through a pretty tough time and it’s because of this guy I really like. And I may or may not have dragged my friends into an elaborate plan to get him here.” He looked into the crowd, the lights making all the faces dark to him, “But I don’t know if he’s here. Or if he’ll even listen to me.”

The rest of the band members were away from their instruments, standing on the outskirts of the stage after having moved the baby grand piano to the center of the stage. It was just Akaashi. 

“I’ve never really been good at expressing myself,” he spoke into the mic attached to the piano, “What can I say, words are hard. But hopefully the message gets across.”

He started playing softly on the piano, the keys lifting and rising swiftly as his fingers played quick notes. 

The stage finally came into full view for the group, Bokuto’s gold eyes wide with a combination of pain and fear and sadness as he took in the man on stage. It was the first time he had really gotten to see Akaashi play piano and sing by himself. His chest heaved as he listened to the smooth voice, barely a whisper, as he started to sing the song.

‘So let me give you every color that I find, in your eyes.

You wake me up, and it breaks my heart that you’re perfectly imperfect,

You’re hurting, but you’re worth it.’

Bokuto wanted to cry, he wanted to both run on stage and run out of the building. Even after seeing it so many times, Akaashi’s hands running across the piano still mesmerized him. Only Akaashi could make him feel like a million little pieces both breaking and coming together at the same time. And he was terrified.

‘You don’t know why I would waste my time, but I’m falling and I mean it,

I want you like I need it. There’s nothing you could try to change my mind,

‘Cause I’m in love with you.’

Bokuto swears his gasp could’ve been heard around the world, heard even in this crowded bar with so many people and the piano vibrating. This...what was happening? His chest heaved. This is too much. Seeing him for the first time like this and he was saying all this, it can’t be true. It’s just for the song. Akaashi would never love him after everything he’s put him through. 

The song was lilting, loving, the audience mesmerized by the passion in Akaashi’s voice as it hit the crescendo. 

‘So call me when you want me and I'll come running, find me waiting at your door.

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long, 'Cause I'm in love with you.’

Bokuto felt like he couldn’t breathe. There were too many people around him, too many scenarios and thoughts running through his head. Did he love Akaashi? If he did, he wouldn’t have technically broken up with him. Right? But his heart was aching and he felt the back of his eyes sting. 

And the last time he had believed someone loved him, he was broken beyond compare on a dance floor in a club just like this. The memory hit him like a ton of bricks. 

The crowd starting cheering, Akaashi still looking down at the keys as the song ended. Bokuto was just another body in the pack. He took a step back, his eyes still wide as he turned and started pushing back towards the way he came. 

“Bokuto!” he heard Kenma cry out. The short man was reaching for him, but the sea of people pushed forward quickly to fill the empty spot Bokuto left behind.

Akaashi got up from the piano, putting a hand over his eyes to block out the spotlight. Spotting Kenma’s black and blonde hair, he saw Kenma looking backwards. Akaashi shifted his eyes around to see if his friend was with the one person he wanted to see.

Kenma turned back to the stage, making eye contact with him, his lips softly frowning and his eyes soft has he shook his head side to side just barely. 

Akaashi dropped his hand. 

Oh.

  
  
  


Akaashi’s Album Songs

[July](https://youtu.be/AwIV0ymLFDA)

[Lose You to Love Me](https://youtu.be/ztNly19PKpw)

[Karma](https://youtu.be/N2cwVUjMejc)

[Good in Goodbye](https://youtu.be/HZDqS_AnRV8)

Song sung at the bar

[Perfectly Imperfect](https://youtu.be/PMKYUTI6Xhs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi singing “I love you"? Sign me up. But do you know how hard that was for him to do....
> 
> I have been waiting for this chapter to come up ever since I put the bug in yalls ear back in chapter SIX about the album. It was hard picking through my fav inspo songs for lyrics I wanted to pull, and there's definitely more songs that I have envisioned that are on that album but I didn't want to bombard you all with them.  
> 
> 
> For anyone that feels so inclined to go back and read when we were in happier times, I have gone back and added links to any songs I reference/allude to at the end of chapters!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	29. Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could’ve taken the bus to get to the hall. But he wanted to feel as much of the bite of cold as he could, wanted to feel his legs walking the path there. Anything to make him feel something.

He took a breath, his lungs filling with as much air as possible. “Come on,” he whispered to himself, shaking the nerves from his body. 

He raised his hand, knocking on the door.

Still holding his breath, he listened as footsteps came to the door. His heart pounded. 

The door opened. 

He sagged. 

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They stared at each other for a second. 

“He went to his parent’s house,” Kuro said delicately. “I’m not sure when he’ll be back. Do you want me to tell him you came by?”

Akaashi’s mouth floundered. This wasn’t what he had imagined. “Um, no. No, that’s ok.” He looked down, pulling at his fingers. “Has he...has he said anything to you?”

“I’m sorry.” He looked up. Kuro shook his head. “He took the train first thing in the morning after the bar. Didn’t get a chance to talk with him.”

That was three days ago. Akaashi had wanted to give him time to digest but, he couldn’t deny that he had wanted to get this cleared before the holidays. He was hoping that by now Bokuto would’ve had time to process everything and would feel the same way. Guess this was as good an answer as anything...

He sucked in, “Got it. Ok. Well...thanks, Kuro. Bye.” He started walking away, hitting the button for the elevator with more force than necessary.

“Akaashi?”

He paused. “Yeah?”

“Don’t give up on him. He’s an idiot but, he’ll figure it out. I know he cares for you just as much.”

Akaashi got into the elevator once it opened. “I’m not so sure of that,” he whispered to himself. 

—————-

It was so different waking up to the view of nature rather than the bustling city life. Bokuto stared out the window while he stayed lying in bed. Such a comforting view. The same sight he woke up to for 17 years. 

Banging sounded on his door. “Kou, wake up! You need to eat!”

He groaned, pulling the pillow over his head. 

“Don’t test me,” his sister yelled, “I _will_ throw a bucket of water on you. Be downstairs in ten minutes.”

He huffed, finally sitting up. There was a deep blanket of snow on the ground outside already. 

He could hear his parents talking as he walked down the stairs, mindless stories about what was going on in the neighborhood, his sister catching them up on her work. 

“There he is,” his mother beamed. “What do you want for breakfast?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, sitting on one of the stools in front of the island, “Just coffee, please.”

His mother poured him a cup, placing it in front of him at the same time his dad placed a plate of food down for him. 

“Eat,” he said. 

Picking at the eggs, he listened as they talked. His mom recounting the last banquet they went to and his dad commenting on Kira’s latest conference. 

No one broached the subject yet as to why Bokuto showed up for Christmas early, and alone. 

“Oh, can you two go down and pick up some more lights? All the ones we used last year for the tree are bad!”

“Sure, mom!” Kira smiled widely, wrapping an arm around her brother’s shoulders. “Let’s go for a walk,” she gritted. 

It was freezing outside, more snow had piled onto the ground by the time the two made their way out of the house. Bokuto was sure his dad would make him shovel the driveway as soon as he got back. The snow was already piling up pretty high on the streets. Only large trucks and cars with four wheel drive risked the roads right now.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, kicking up snow as he walked. Once they rounded the corner and their house was out of sights, his sister finally looked over at him. “Soooo, you wanna talk about it?”

He shrugged, “Not really.”

“Too bad,” she sung, nudging his shoulder. “Kuro already texted me.”

“Backstabber,” he groaned.

His sister let the air sit for a while, hoping her brother would talk first. When he didn’t, she took the initiative. “Kou, when are you gonna stop hating yourself?”

“I don’t hate myself.”

“Well, you obviously do because you’re purposely sabotaging yourself and your happiness.”

They stopped at the intersection, waiting to cross the street as the cars went by, crossing once an open patch came. “You know, I’ve had my heart broken too. It sucks, yeah. But I didn’t let it stop me from living. And with connecting with new people. And I know you think that just because you need a little help sometimes or a push here or there that you’re incompetent, but you’re not. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak.”

She sighed, squinting from the winter sun, “You’ve had some shit luck, I’ll tell you that. But I don’t know, when I met Akaashi I could tell something was different.” She paused, “I knew he loved you even then.”

Bokuto stopped. “What?”

She smirked, “Oh yeah, definitely. Who else goes out of their way to help someone’s sister within 24 hours of meeting them? That man would do anything for you.” She cocked her head. “And I thought you would do the same for him, too.”

He exhaled noisily, “That’s just it though. He _would_ do that. He deserves someone way better than me.”

A hand slapped the back of his head. “Ow! People need to stop hitting me,” he grumbled, rubbing his head.

“As long as you keep diminishing your worth I’m gonna keep hitting you.” She glared, crossing her arms. “This is what I’m talking about. Do you not realize how awesome you are? You’re on the _National_ volleyball team, that’s such a huge accomplishment!”

“Not really, I mean Kuro’s on it too, so...”

She glared again, “You were selected for that training camp in high school and he wasn’t.”

He shrugged, “So. That was high school, nobody was good.”

She sucked in air through her nostrils, “And you managed to get all those scholarships.”

“Again. For _high school_. And they just wanted athletes, that’s the only reason.”

She groaned, walking two steps before stopping again, her back towards him. “Do you realize how jealous I was of you growing up?” she said, softly.

His ears tingled, “What?”

“You were always such a ball of light. So passionate. So determined to be the best.” She glanced behind her. “I would’ve killed for an ounce of that desire.”

She walked back. “You keep tearing yourself down, filling your head with all these shadows. But I’m telling you, in the light of day, how strong you are. You were strong enough to come out to mom and dad when I _know_ that wasn’t easy. You were strong enough to sacrifice going out with friends and parties in school because you went to training camps or were doing double practice. And you were strong enough when you built yourself back up every time you got your heart broken.”

She put her hands on his cheeks. “Those breakups weren’t meant to show you your unworthiness, they were meant to show you how much better you can be. And how much better you could _do_ ,” she winked.

“I still get jealous of you,” she shrugged. “But I’ve learned that I have some pretty awesome things going for myself too. We’re two different people, we can’t weigh our achievements and hardships against one another. But I know for a fact, Kou, that you will always be the best one there is. And I live my life trying to reach you. You’re the best brother there is. So please. _Please_ stop saying you’re nothing. Because you’re everything and more, no matter what anxious thoughts you may have. I know Akaashi feels the same way. And I know that you are wholeheartedly in love with that man.”

Bokuto’s lip started quivering. His sister wrapped him in a hug without saying a word, the taller man leaning his head down to burrow into her fluffy scarf, weeping. “I don’t think he’d take me back. I hurt him so much, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Kira kept rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. It wasn’t very often she saw tears stream down his face. 

“I think he will,” she whispered. “And if he doesn’t, I’ll kick his ass.”

She heard the hiccup of a laugh come out of him, she smiled while she looked up at the snowy sky.

She was glad her brother would always need his big sister. 

—————————

Akaashi spent his Christmas morning drinking hot chocolate by himself while watching the snow fall. 

He had gone over to Suga’s again last night, the violinist insisting, but they went to Daichi’s family’s house every year on Christmas Day and he didn’t want to intrude on such personal family time.

His cousin had texted him again, asking if he was coming home. But the last thing Akaashi wanted was to be hounded even more by his parents about how he’s ruining his life. Especially without having someone there to back him. He opted to stay by himself, taking in the silence. 

His heart was cracking loud enough to fill the void. 

He really thought Bokuto would’ve of contacted him by now. He was such an idiot, singing to him like that. Why couldn’t he have just said it to his face? Would that have been better? Or maybe he just shouldn’t have even said it.

_Maybe he didn’t know Bokuto that well after all...._

He leaned his head against the glass window, the coolness easing his rampant mind. But that’s where it stopped. He couldn’t feel anything. Even the hot mug in his hands felt lackluster. 

He looked at the piano. He wanted to play, but sitting there reminded him of all the times Bokuto hung around him, he could still feel his hands under his as he pushed their fingers against the keys the night he first realized he loved him.

His eyes caught on the wrapped box sitting on his ledge, a smaller box on top of it. He glanced away. 

Pushing off the ledge, he threw on a heavy sweater, his snow boots, and a thick jacket, locking the door and walking out into the snow. 

He could’ve taken the bus to get to the hall. But he wanted to feel as much of the bite of cold as he could, wanted to feel his legs walking the path there. Anything to make him feel _something_.

There wasn’t anyone on the streets of course, they were probably all sitting down to lunch after endless smiles and present opening. What is it like to have a family like that to spend the holidays with? The Bokuto’s were probably like that.

He plodded through the sidewalk, hands tucked in his pockets and head bent down. When he made it to the hall, he pulled the key to the door out of his pocket and eased it open. Once the security guard saw him coming at odd hours and kept having to let him, he had gotten permission from Kiyoko to give the pianist a key. 

He switched a few of the hall lights on, they flickered on one after the other. 

Sluggishly walking down to the practice stage, he took in the sight of the empty auditorium. The piano was exactly like he left it last time he was here. 

He trudged up the stairs to the stage and slowly sat down, staring at the keys. They all looked too pristine, too glittery for the turmoil in Akaashi’s heart. 

He shook his head. He’ll get through this. He placed his hands on the keys, the coolness seeping deep into him. 

_Good._

He didn’t even think, didn’t really have anything in mind to play, but as his thoughts navigated as always to Bokuto and their relationship, he held onto the moments that took his breath away, and the way Bokuto always shined. 

His hands moved on their own, playing the pensive score of ‘Clair de Lune’. 

‘Moonlight.’

Bokuto had once called him his moon, stars, and everything in between. It’s only fitting that this piece, with its poignant undertones, is what his subconscious chose to play. The notes rang out through the empty room, bittersweet and mourning as the minor arpeggio seeped into all corners. He couldn’t see his hands moving anymore. His thoughts were miles always, his heart yearning to the moon and the stars. His head lost in the memories. 

Each note was like a ping to his heart. Both healing and stabbing at the same time. He should’ve stayed under his covers. 

He let the final notes ring out long, taking forever to lift his hands off the keys and gently placing them in his lap. 

“Wow.”

He jumped, nearly choking on air as he took in the figure below the stage. 

“What are-how did you...”Akaashi stuttered. He didn’t know what to do. Should he get up? Should he walk away? But the dark circles under Bokuto’s eyes had him frozen to the bench. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear me huffing and puffing to calm my breath down, I ran here so fast.” He chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his head. 

Akaashi didn’t say anything, his eyes wider than a volleyball. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” Bokuto whispered, his eyes sorrowful. “I’m sorry that I’m an actual idiot and left you twice. Once on a night so important to you and the other while you so bravely opened your heart. When all you ever did was give me everything. I-,” he looked down. “I know I don’t deserve you. I know that you are this glorious human being that deserves the world.” He took a huge breath, his ribs visibly inflating before looking straight at Akaashi. “And I know that I’m not worthy of your forgiveness, but I swear, Akaashi, if you give me another chance, I will love you with my entire soul.”

Akaashi’s chest concaved. Bokuto turned and slowly walked up the few stairs to the stage. His stare bore deep into Akaashi’s. “I love you, Akaashi. I am so in love with you that it scared me. And I ran. Under the guise that I needed to figure myself out but what I realized is that I’m _nothing_ without you. I still have such a long way to go but I can’t find who I am without you by my side. I am the best possible version of myself when I’m with you and I want to be there for everything. For every concert. Every gala. Every freaking ballet if you do that. You deserve better. But I will never stop trying to be the best for you.”

He stared at him. “That is, if you’ll still have me.”

Akaashi bolted up so fast, he was afraid he broke the bench. But he didn’t care, he would buy the orchestra a dozen more. He threw himself at Bokuto, the larger man wrapping his arms tightly around him as he lifted him up, spinning him on the stage like some cheesy musical theatre happy ending.

He put him down, Bokuto clutching Akaashi’s cheeks and bringing their faces together for a kiss. How had he gone so long without these soft lips against his?

Their lips burned, Akaashi’s face damp from the tears that finally fell. He felt it all. He felt his blood rushing through him as he gripped onto the back of Bokuto’s neck, felt his heart beating rapidly. He didn’t want to let go, didn’t want this to end. His breath came out fast as they finally pulled away for air. Bokuto was staring down at him, his eyes shining and glittery while he held his whole world in his arms.

“I love you so much, Akaashi.”

Akaashi’s face burst into the biggest smile he had shown in the past month. “I love you too, Bokuto.” He went on his toes again to pull him in for another kiss. He never wanted to stop, wanted to kiss this man until his lungs burned from lack of breath.

Chest heaving, Akaashi pulled away finally. He was sure he dreaming right now. He has to be dreaming. “How did-how did you even know I was here?”

Bokuto cocked his head. “Do you realize how hard it is to get a train ticket around Christmas time? I’ve been trying for three days to come back but everything was booked. I finally got one for this morning and ran straight to your apartment. When you weren’t there, I was afraid you had gone home, but I called Suga and he saw you on ‘Find My Friends’?” He laughed, the gorgeous sound ringing across the stage. “Which is pretty stalkerish if you ask me but I went with it.” He smiled.

“Aren’t your parents mad you aren’t spending Christmas with then?”

“Are you kidding? My dad was calling everyone he knew seeing if they could send a fucking helicopter to get me here. I would’ve just taken his car but we got so much snow up there it would’ve taken longer to shovel it out.”

Akaashi ducked his head, “That’s a lot of effort.”

Fingers lifted his chin up, “You’re worth it. And so much more,” Bokuto whispered before kissing him again.

\-----------------------

They walked back leisurely to Akaashi’s apartment, relishing in one anothers presence and taking in the fresh snow falling on the ground.

Akaashi had always hated those sappy Christmas movies where everthing just happened to work out in the end, but as he walked hand in hand with Bokuto, he couldn’t help but feel like he was walking on a pure magic. This is what he had always wanted.

They walked into the studio apartment, Akaashi stopping when he saw something placed on his counter.

“Ah, yeah,” Bokuto said bashfully, “I had it with me when I checked here first so I just left it.”

Akaashi cocked his head at the neatly wrapped present on the counter. “How did you know everything would work out?”

Bokuto put his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t. But I was going to fight my hardest for it. I sent up a lot of prayers too,” he added quickly.

The pianist smirked before walking over to the window sill and picking up the large box. “Merry Christmas,” he smiled, “Open the bottom one first.”

Bokuto stared at him before taking the box. His arms heaved. “Holy shit, Akaashi, what is this, a brick?” He laughed before gently opening the lid.

  
  
“It’s a weighted blanket,” Akaashi said sheepishly, “You kept saying you hated sleeping alone. This is supposed to help, it also helps with anxiety.”

Mouth slightly parted at the thoughtfulness, Bokuto gave a smile laced with a smirk. “You really have a solution for everything don’t you? This is amazing, thank you.” He reached for the flat rectangular box that was on top.

Inside, he saw sheets of paper with Akaashi’s distinguishable handwriting, a black flashdrive sitting on top. Akaashi glanced away. “It’s kind of a new point now but, you also kept saying how you were sad I never play for you. So I wrote and recorded a few songs for you. About you. About us.”

Hands clutching the box, Bokuto carefully thumbed through some of the sheet music. Even if he couldn’t read it, this was Akaashi. It was _him_ , his essence. Akaashi gave him his whole soul. He stopped as he got to a piece that said “For Bokuto” written at the top. It was the same piece he had seen when he was taking care of Akaashi when he was sick weeks ago. How long has he been planning this?

  
“That’s the very first song I wrote about you. You were so patient with me, so willing to go at the pace I needed, I-“ he trailed off, biting his lip.

“Akaashi...,” Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi wouldn’t meet him in the eye, his hands fiddling with eachoher. “I-I know it’s not a lot and that you aren’t really sure about music and everything and that it’s probably a bad idea-“

“Kaashi,” Bokuto cut him off, he placed the box down before wrapping him in a hug. “It was never a matter of me not liking your music. I’ll admit, I was caught off guard by your world, but I _love_ hearing you play.” He pulled back, cupping Akaashi’s face. “It was your playing that made me fall in love with you the day I heard you in the rehearsal hall.” He smiled. “I will never get tired of listening to you play. Got it? And the fact that you wrote these for us? I-I’m speechless honestly. So I’m glad you’re able to put our love into words because I sure as hell can’t.”

Akaashi’s jaw flexed before he reached up to kiss him, his lips lingering. “Thank you,” he murmured.

Bokuto let out a chuckle, “Why are you thanking me, you haven’t even opened yours yet.” He pulled away to grab his gift as Akaashi shrugged.

“Because music is really important to me. So thank you for loving something that’s such a big part of me.”

Bokuto placed another kiss to his lips before pushing the present into his hands. “Open this one first.”

Taking the flat item from the bottom, Akaashi ripped open the paper. He brushed his fingers over the frame. It was a picture that they took during the autumn grand festival. Bokuto was standing behind Akaashi with his arms wrapped around him, their faces both lit up in huge smiles as Akaashi leaned back into him and gripped Bokuto’s forearms.

  
  


“I know you don’t like clutter,” Bokuto said softly, gently taking the frame and setting it on Akaashi’s dresser, “But I figured you could make an exception.”

Akaashi grinned, “I don’t know, I really liked that unused, open space there.”

”Hm, well, it looks better now.”

”Agreed.”

”Now the other one,” Bokuto urged.

Akaashi gingerly opened the box, unfurling the tissue paper until he got to the small, lacquered item. He picked it up. It was in the shape of a piano.

Bokuto lifted the top of it. A tune started to play. “I may or may not have employed Kenma’s help with it.”

Listening closely, Akaashi’s musician ears couldn’t help but tune into the melody and the notes, the soft bell-like sounds pinging. It took a second for him to realize he knew the rhythm because he _played_ the rhythm.

“It’s ‘Forever Yours’,” he said, shocked.

Nodding, “At the time, I didn’t realize how much those lyrics would ring true,” Bokuto said. “Who would’ve thought that I would want to make the amazingly skilled musician who played a saxophone on an EDM song mine.”

  
Akaashi had to focus on not shaking as he let the music box run its course. “This is the most beautiful thing in the world,” he whispered.

Hands reached up and took the delicate item out of his hands, placing it on the counter. 

“That’s not true,” Bokuto said, a slight smirk on his face. He cupped Akaashi’s cheeks. “ _You’re_ the most beautiful thing in the world.” He kissed him sweetly.

“Merry Christmas, Akaashi.”

Akaashi smiled, his heart soaring with every color in the world. He felt every inch of his body tingling, all of his nerves finally awake as he took in the love of his life standing in front of him, holding him like the most precious thing he’s ever seen. Bokuto was the greatest gift he could’ve ever gotten.

“Merry Christmas, Bokuto.”

  
  


[Clair de Lune](https://youtu.be/CvFH_6DNRCY)

[Forever Yours (Music Box)](https://youtu.be/gZEjRhqb_BE)Since it’s a music box, it only plays a section of the song. This is the video that I kinda used for a softer inspo of the song and I envision the box playing from 1:00-1:36

[Slow](https://youtu.be/Wp_O_hOPq8g) \- Akaashi’s First Song (He wrote this right after he a Bo got together, I’ve been planning this as his gift for a while. This is just one song on that flash drive, but we’ll keep the other ones secret for now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.
> 
> What’s a music AU without the appearance of Clair de Lune, am I right?
> 
> Guys I was THIS CLOSE to dragging this arc out buttt at the same time I just finished a draft of a really heavy arc and figured I’d give y’all a present and make this the chapter where they figure it out. 
> 
> I’m not mad bout the amount of times I wrote them kissing or holding each others faces. Fight me. I needed it. 
> 
> Merry Christmas to all who celebrate and I wish you all much love and joy!!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	30. Reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi laughed as they all blew into the paper horns and cheered, streamers landing on their jackets and lights blaring in the distance through the windows. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s neck, whispering into his ear, “You want your real reward now?”

They didn’t leave each other’s presence for a week straight, either one was afraid of it being just a dream. 

But Kira wouldn’t stop calling Bokuto though, so he finally had to give in and answer, breaking their personal bubble. Akaashi laughed as he hid his face in the crook of Bokuto’s neck when he heard her yell to her parents ‘It was a success!’ He could hear the hoots and hollers coming from the phone of how ‘they better come and visit to make up for Christmas’. Bokuto promised they would and made them hang up, going back to cuddling Akaashi. 

After the emotions had calmed down a bit from their reunion, they had a serious talk about being honest with how they are mentally and emotionally - Akaashi forcibly saying that Bokuto _needs_ to come to him rather than bottling it up, Bokuto agreeing. They then talked about the ballet. Bokuto honestly thought Akaashi would jump at the chance, was even preparing himself to do whatever was necessary for it, so he was surprised when Akaashi said he wanted to turn them down. 

Akaashi shrugged. “I want to be a conductor, not a pianist. It would be a great position, but I feel like I would be settling if I did that. And I don’t want to give up yet.”

Bokuto nodded, squeezing him. “And I’ll be here to support you.”

They then had to tell their friends that everything was ok. Although, Kenma had banged on Akaashi’s apartment when they had returned from Christmas, the poor boy concerned for his friend’s well-being. When he saw Bokuto standing awkwardly in the background, he just turned around muttering ‘Idiots.’

New Year’s had finally crept upon them and Oikawa and Iwaizumi had invited everyone to their place to celebrate. It would be the first time Bokuto and Akaashi appeared in front of all their friends together again.

Akaashi tucked his shirt in while looking into the mirror. He frowned into the reflection. Arms wrapped around him as Bokuto placed kisses to his neck and cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Akaashi pursed his lips. “What if everyone hates me now?”

Bokuto choked, his face going to shock as he looked at him. “Babe, what?! Why would you think that?”

  
  
The word had spread throughout the team faster than a wild fire, one accidental slip up in the group chat had the whole situation blowing up and everyone hearing about the two’s small hiccup. 

Shrugging, “I don’t know,” he said. “Isn’t it pretty crappy when people break up and get back together?”

Bokuto spun him around, his voice going soft. “Do you realize how many times Oikawa and Iwaizumi have broken up and gotten back together? More times than a lactose intolerant person falls off the wagon.” He kissed him on the forehead. “Plus, trust me, they all like you more than they like me. If anything, _I_ should be worried that they hate _me._ ”

Akaashi grinned, fixing Bokuto’s collar. “Well, I am pretty great,” he smirked. 

“Yeah, you are,” Bokuto mumbled before kissing him on the lips. He slid his hands down Akaashi’s body, squeezing his ass. 

“Nah, uh, uh, none of that,” Akaashi said, pulling away from him. “We’re gonna be late, come on.”

Bokuto groaned, “And you’re such a tease, you know that?”

“I know,” Akaashi called out as he led the way to the door. 

————————-

“Akaaaaassshhhiii!!” Oikawa yelled as he saw them open the door. He almost knocked the boy over as he gave him a tight hug. 

“Hey Oikawa,” he choked out. “Good to see you.”

The setter finally pulled away, “Good to see you too!” He hit Bokuto’s arm. “Glad this one didn’t fuck everything up!”

Akaashi rubbed where Oikawa hit his boyfriend. “He didn’t, we’re ok,” he said lovingly. 

They made their way in, saying hello to everyone along the way. The energy was high as everyone waited to ring in the New Year and with Bokuto finally not sulking. The whole team already had drinks in their hands, Oikawa and Iwaizumi had put up string lights everywhere, the night just felt like happiness.

Kuro slung his arms around the pair, “Nice of you two to finally come up for air and show up. Although, I guess y’all had some catching up to do.” He winked. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever, Kuro,” Bokuto said, taking the arm off his shoulder. “You want a drink Kaashi?” He nodded. 

“Sorry I couldn’t have been more help to you, Akaashi,” Kuro sulked once Bokuto walked away, his eyes going soft in shamefulness. 

He shook his head, “It wasn’t your problem to fix. Thanks for what you did do though.”

Kuro patted his shoulder, “If it’s any consolation, I’m so fucking glad you’re back together.”

Akaashi smiled. “You and me both.”

The team was just as rowdy as usual, even in their button-downs and slacks. Oikawa had insisted that they not act like college students and told everyone to dress like adults, but it didn’t stop everyone from playing drinking games and getting just as rambunctious as any other day. 

“Go Akaashi, go!” Yaku called down the table. 

The musician picked his cup up, chugging the contents before quickly placing it on the edge of the table and flicking it up. It landed perfectly in one flick. 

Bokuto cried out from across the table, “Kageyama, I swear if you don’t pick up the pace!”

“Aw, sore loser, Bo?” Akaashi gloated. 

Bokuto squinted his eyes and shook his head at Akaashi, “Bold words, babe.”

“I can do that since my team’s winning.”

Matsukawa flipped the last cup before it had even gotten to Bokuto’s turn on the other team. The winning team cheered, high-fiving each other. “We playing survivor version?”

The teams shrugged a sure, the losers voting Kageyama off. “Yeah, that’s fair,” he grumbled. Hinata gave him a pat and a kiss on the cheek as he went and stood off to the side to watch the rest. 

The other team picked up the pace now that they didn’t have anyone holding them back, the matches went back and forth in who won until it was just Bokuto on one side and Akaashi on the other. They smirked at each other. 

“Kick his ass, Akaashi!”

“Oikawa, you’re on _my_ team!” Bokuto yelled. 

The setter shrugged, unashamed, “Sorry bout it.”

Bokuto looked back at Akashi. “See?” he chuckled. 

“What ya gonna do about it?”

“Probably kick your ass.”

“Stop flirting and get on with it!”

They laughed. Someone counted down and they started on the first cup. Akaashi got it on the first try, moving to the next one before his boyfriend, but fumbled with it. Bokuto passed him and got the third cup first, Akaashi just barely catching up. They were neck and neck picking up the fifth cup. The onlookers let out yells, clearly rooting for Akaashi, but Bokuto flipped his a hair faster and it landed perfectly. 

A few people booed but overall everyone cheered at the intensity, giving both Bokuto and Akaashi slaps on the back. Akaashi held his hand out. “Good game,” he said sarcastically. 

Bokuto clasped it, pulling him towards his body. “Good game,” he mumbled, bringing their lips together and wrapping his arms around him.

He heard his teammates groan, Atsumu yelled ‘Get a room’. 

“Was that supposed to be your reward?” Akaashi cocked an eyebrow. 

“Hmm,” Bokuto thought, “it was a pretty tough match, I think I deserve some more.”

“Yeah?”

Bokuto leaned back in to claim another kiss, but was cut off by Oikawa yelling over everyone. “One minute till midnight!”

They all crowded around the TV, Iwaizumi handing out confetti cannons with a sly smile. “Oikawa’s gonna be the one to clean this up,” he leered. 

Bokuto slung his arm around Akaashi's shoulder as they watched the countdown. 

The live feed from Shibuya crossing looked packed, they all started shouting with the screen as it counted down. “10, 9, 8-”

Bokuto looked at Akaashi, his face was lit up from the heat and excitement. He tilted his head up at his boyfriend when he felt the gaze.

“I love you,” Bokuto whispered.

“6,5,4-”

Akaashi smiled before reaching up to kiss him. “I love you, too.”

“2,1-”

“Happy New Year!” they all called out, confetti going off over their heads. 

Akaashi laughed as they all blew into the paper horns and cheered, streamers landing on their shirts and firework lights blaring in the distance through the windows. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto’s neck, whispering into his ear, “You want your real reward now?” 

Bokuto grabbed him so fast, nobody even had the chance to wish them a happy New Year. 

————————

Bokuto pushed Akaashi against the wall to the musician’s apartment, the smaller man moaning into his mouth as he felt hands run across his chest. 

The taller man quickly pulled Akaashi’s shirt out of his pants, panting as he looked at his boyfriend’s slanted, heated eyes and flushed face. Akaashi connected their lips again, biting lightly on Bokuto’s bottom lip to open his mouth. He felt cool air hit his chest once Bokuto finally got his shirt off. Akaashi leaned back just far enough to start unburrowing Bokuto’s dress-shirt, needing help to get it off the volleyball player’s broad shoulders. 

Taking a step back, Bokuto went to get his arms out of the sleeves, stumbling over their shoes and landing on the ground. 

Akaashi covered his mouth with his hands as he laughed loudly, looking down at the man. The sight was honestly glorious, Bokuto thought. There was a slight red tint across Akaashi's cheeks from the alcohol, his hair already tousled from Bokuto's hands, his laugh made his heart skip. It was like he was looking up at an angel.

The volleyball player grinned before grabbing Akaashi’s arm and pulling him down on top of him, the pianist letting out a gasp as he flung forward onto Bokuto’s body. Bokuto gripped Akaashi’s neck tightly as he crashed their lips together, their tongues sliding over one another. They tasted like juice and beer. Hands were running all over each others body, their chests burning from the bare contact. Akaashi finally pulled away, Bokuto staring at him through lidded eyes. “I guess I’ll give you your reward now,” he purred. 

He could feel how hard Bokuto already was through his pants, the larger man biting his lip as he felt Akaashi grind down into him slightly. Akaashi slowly eased his way down, stopping to suck on Bokuto’s neck, not caring about whether a practice jersey would cover the mark he made or not. Bokuto moaned at the pressure as he felt the teeth grip in. He slid back up, whispering into his ear, “So everyone will know you’re mine.”

“Fuck,” Bokuto groaned. 

Smirking, Akaashi pulled up so he could slide his hands down Bokuto’s buff chest. He leaned his head back down, swiping at one of the nipples with his tongue, it perked against him. Something else was also perking even harder against him....

He finally eased off and started undoing Bokuto’s belt, Bokuto staring with anticipation at every move his fingers made. Lifting his hips for his boyfriend, Akaashi was able to slide down the man’s pants and his boxers, letting his cock finally be free. Bokuto hissed at the cold air hitting it. 

Akaashi ran his hands up and down Bokuto’s thighs. He couldn’t help but remember what Suga had said a while ago about feeling men's thighs constrict underneath as they cum. Akaashi had to agree with the infatuation. He would never get enough of how fit his boyfriend was.

He lowered his mouth, surprising Bokuto by taking the entire length down in one motion. 

“Kaashi!” he jumped, biting his lip as his hips jerked. He was worried about his boyfriend’s throat, but fuck he couldn't deny how good it felt. 

A rumble came from Akaashi’s throat, the sensation causing Bokuto to moan as he tilted his head back, hands rubbing the head below him. 

Akaashi ran his tongue all along the cock, bobbing his head as he took long and slow pumps. He stopped every other bob to suck lightly on the tip. Bokuto usually liked it fast, he knows the pace was killing him. 

Raising one hand, he rubbed down Bokuto’s chest, feeling it rise and fall deeply as the man tried to restrain himself. Each pump had Bokuto raising his hips a bit higher into Akaashi’s mouth.

“Fuck, Kaashi, come on.”

He let go with a plop, replacing his mouth with his hand as he made casual strokes. “Hmm? What?”

“Oh, so you’re gonna be like that today?”

Akaashi’s head tilted in innocence. “Like what?” he asked, gripping his hand tighter. 

Bokuto growled before raising up to force Akaashi’s mouth towards his, he swallowed the gasp that tried to escape. 

He pushed Akaashi back gently so he fell onto the ground, standing up to kick his clothes off his ankles. 

In one motion, he bent down and hooked his arms under Akaashi’s thighs, raising him so the smaller man had no choice but to wrap his legs around the huge torso. Akaashi gripped Bokuto's shoulders, leaning down to kiss him as he was held above him. 

Akaashi hummed into his mouth, “I like being taller than you.”

His boyfriend scoffed while carrying him further into the apartment, but he didn’t drop him onto the bed like Akaashi was expecting. He instead walked a few steps further before placing him on the ground and spinning him around. He grabbed his hands and placed them on the window in front of them. “And how do you like this position?” he murmured into his ear, voice low. 

Akaashi tilted his head back, moaning at the feeling of Bokuto’s cock pressed against his still clothed waist. “How long have you been thinking about this one?”

“Since you mentioned it that night at the club,” Bokuto said as he bit Akaashi’s ear. He worked quickly to undo Akaashi’s own belt and pulled the clothing down, helping him to step his feet out of the ends. 

Using one hand, he pressed Akaashi’s back down gently, the natural arch to his back coming out as his ass came up for him. He rubbed his hands over the cheeks. “Fuck baby, you’re so beautiful.”

He knelt down, massaging the muscle in his hands as he kissed all over his thighs.

Akaashi jerked when he felt a wet tongue caress his hole. He gripped onto the window, thanking the heavens that the old movie theater is what faced his building. He would have probably had to move if there was an apartment building across from him in which someone could see him. The reflection in the window already showed a little of how lewd he looked.

Bokuto pushed his tongue into the red rim, Akaashi’s thighs tensing in his hands. He pushed as far as he could, doing his best to loosen the muscle. He reached a hand around, gripping Akaashi’s leaking cock. He felt Akaashi shudder, the gasps coming out of his mouth shooting straight to Bokuto’s cock. He removed his tongue, standing up to lean over and mumble, “Don’t move.”

He slowly released his hands wrapped around him, backing away slowly to make sure his boyfriend didn’t move. Pleased with the stillness, he walked over to grab lube and a condom out of the nightstand. The click of the bottle resonated through the room. 

He warmed some on his fingers, reaching forward to grab Akaashi’s chin with the other as he kissed him deeply. Akaashi’s eyes opened when he felt the finger push inside him. 

Exhaling loudly, his head dropped below his shoulders. Bokuto added a second one. 

“Ah!” He jolted, his ass pressing further back as the fingers scissored inside him. 

Bokuto took in the sight. Akaashi’s hair was starting to stick to his neck, his shoulders shaking a bit at holding his arms against the glass and the sensations behind him, the midnight moon throwing streams against the pale skin as he jumped against his fingers. Fuck, he loved him. 

He inserted a third finger, hard and fast, wrapping an arm around Akaashi as he bucked up, his back pressing against Bokuto’s stomach. “This is what you get for teasing earlier,” he said into his neck, not easing up on the pumps of his fingers. 

“Bo..”

“Mmm, yeah?”

Akaashi was panting, he threw a hand up to grip Bokuto’s hair as he tried to turn his head and look at him. “Please,” he whispered, “Please fuck me.”

Bokuto’s dick twitched, hardening even more. He released his hands, pushing Akaashi’s back down, his hands resting on the window again.

The sound of the condom opening echoed. Akaashi’s muscles tightened at the anticipation. He felt hands grip his waist, the head of Bokuto’s cock pressed against him. 

“Ready, baby?” Bokuto asked, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. 

“Mhmm, yes,” he huffed. 

Bokuto pushed in slowly, relishing in the groan coming out of Akaashi’s mouth and the feel of him so tight around him. The angle gave him the best view of the rim clutching around his cock, the skin moving with every pump. 

He kept a steady and slow pace, payback for earlier, while he ran his hand up and down Akaashi’s back. He looked so sexy arched like this, his fingers made their way into his hair, pulling gently. 

“Ughh,” Akaashi moaned, pushing his head back more. It only encouraged his boyfriend who gripped a bit tighter, the act causing him to thrust harder. “Ah, aah, mmm, fuck, Bo.”

Bokuto’s breaths were coming out fast, his hips slapping against Akaashi’s ass. He let go suddenly, flipping Akaashi around and seeing his confused look for a movement before hooking his arms under his thighs again and lifting him up. He used one hand to guide him back down on his cock. 

“Oh, fuck!” Akaashi cried out, his face scrunching from the deeper angle. 

Bokuto slammed him up and down, his biceps flexing with every movement. Akaashi tilted his head down, capturing their lips as he moaned through the movements. “Oh, God,” he panted. 

They stared at each other, Bokuto slowing the pace as he focused on Akaashi biting his lip. He brushed the hair from his eyes. “I love you.”

Akaashi smiled, kissing him again. “And I really like this new height thing,” he joked. 

Bokuto chuckled before turning and sitting on the bed, still connected as Akaashi sat on his lap. 

“Aw,” he pouted.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it like this too,” Bokuto said. 

“Fair,” Akaashi smirked, slowly raising his hips up before easing back down. “But you know I’m just going to tease you more like this.”

Bokuto scooted back, “Who said I’d let you stay in control?” He held Akaashi’s hips hard, not letting him move as he slammed up into him hard and fast. 

Akaashi almost choked. 

Bokuto let go when he felt Akaashi holding himself up. He ran his hands down his thighs and up his chest. Akaashi’s eyes were scrunched shut, mouth open, choked gasps coming out with each thrust as his cock bobbed with the force. 

“Fuck, I love you,” Bokuto grunted.

Akaashi’s eyes opened. “Say it again,” he whispered. 

Bokuto increased his pace, never looking away from Akaashi’s eyes. “I love you. I love you, Akaashi. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Bo” he said through the pants, “I love- ah, fuck I’m gonna cum.”

Bokuto grabbed his cock, pumping it hard and fast. “I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much.” He grunted through pumping his hand and hips, the words dug deep in his soul, his love boiling up as he felt his own cock start to twitch inside of Akaashi. “Fuck!” He cried as he started to cum. 

Akaashi jerked, his legs buckling as he fell deep down onto Bokuto, cum shooting from his cock and landing on Bokuto's chest as he pumped him. They panted, Akaashi barely holding himself up as his head drooped. His boyfriend reached up and cupped his face, brushing his thumb over his cheek. Akaashi's eyes were half open, too overwhelmed from the pleasure.

Bokuto smiled, “Well that’s one way to ring in the new year.”

Happy New Year three days early! As a way to say thank you to all you lovely readers, I did something. I can't draw for shit buttt I do know my way around websites and I found one that I could basically render a room so I thought it would be cool to show you all how I envision Akaashi's studio. It's not _exactly_ how I picture it, it's definitely bigger for one thing, I imagine his place a little bit more compact. And the window ledge is a bit different and it's a bit more posh than my head, but I did the best I could with what I had. So I hope you all enjoy the screenshots I took, I think I'll continue to work on it and add it more details just because I had a lot of fun doing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all needed that, right? That wasn’t just for me? Lol. Why was this one of my favorite smut scenes to write so far. 
> 
> Hope y’all are having a great holiday season, thanks for sticking by me as this story runs it’s course! Here’s to a new year filled with the next emotional turmoil i can give y’all with this story :)
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	31. Scotch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi stared at him, the tips of his ears tingling. He never really had a male role model outside of his sensei to look up to, but he decided that Hiro wouldn’t be too terrible.

“You ready?” Bokuto asked, gripping Akaashi’s hand tighter. 

His boyfriend nodded, albeit, in a way that made him look like he was going to be sick at any given moment. 

“Hey,” he said, “They’re gonna love you, I promise.”

Swinging their hands a little more, Bokuto led them up to his family house. His parents were celebrating their 35th anniversary and were having a party that weekend, and since Bokuto had slipped out for both Christmas and New Year’s, he had to make it up to them. He was hoping that having Akaashi there would make them all forgive and forget. 

Akaashi, of course, was scared out of his mind. He spent a week straight trying to figure out what clothes he should be bringing, finally calling Bokuto to just come over and pack for him. He wanted to make a good impression, especially since they seemed to already know Bokuto’s and his troubles...

Bokuto turned the doorknob to the front door, taking a step in to call out, “Hellooo, anyone here?”

Footsteps sounded on the hardwood floor further in the house. Akaashi looked around. Bokuto had sheepishly warned him that it may be a lot to take in - he had always been blessed by his father’s work and by his mother’s style to keep such a pristine house. The ceilings were tall in the entranceway with what looked like a parlor to the right and a long formal dining room to the left. A large staircase went up to a second level.

“Koutarou!” A tall woman exclaimed, smiling as she came through the double doors straight ahead. Her short boots clicked as she came up to hug him. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She squeezed him side to side. 

“Me too, mom.” He pulled back, his eyes bright as he turned towards Akaashi. “Mom, this is my boyfriend, Akaashi.”

His mom squeezed her shoulders up, her face smiling widely as she put her arms out to hug Akaashi. “Oh, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” Akaashi wasn’t very taken back from the action. After Kira had so unabashedly hugged him, he figured the rest of the Bokuto family would be just the same. But there was something different about getting such a warm and inviting hug from a mother. Especially his boyfriend’s.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he grinned as they pulled back. 

She put her hand on his check, “Oh my word, look at your eyes! They’re stunning!”

Akaashi could feel his face heating. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Oh, please call me Miya. And no honorifics,” she warned, winking. “Kira may have told me about how you’re almost _too_ polite.” She grasped his hands. “But please feel comfortable enough to use my first name.”

If Akaashi wasn’t red before, he definitely was now. He and Bokuto still hadn’t even used each other’s given names yet and now he was calling his mother by hers? “Ah, yes Mi-Miya.”

Her smile never wavered once, the creases by her chocolate eyes slightly deepening. “Excellent.” She stood in the middle of them and hooked her arms through theirs, “Now come along, we could do for some more muscle around here.”

She ushered them further into the house, Akaashi’s jaw tense and back straight as he tried to calm his nerves. As they walked through the short hallway to the main portion of the house, Akaashi could tell already that the house itself was beautiful. There were windows everywhere, a skylight at the top of the ceiling that let in natural sunlight, the neutral colors on the walls and the wood accents made it feel very chic, but Bokuto’s mother had obviously worked very hard to make the place feel inviting and homey just as much as modern. Family pictures were on the walls and on the long table in the foyer, big fluffy blankets strung across the back of the grey furniture in the main living room, the fireplace had candles on it with more picture frames. 

The whole place just felt like his boyfriend. A bit posh but more humble than anything.

“Thank God,” Kira said from the kitchen, “Dad was trying to make me go chop wood and I said ‘Do you see this manicure’? Wait for Kou.” She grinned, hugging her brother before doing the same to Akaashi. 

“Wow, just got here and already putting me to work? And everyone wonders why I don’t come home often.”

“Yeah, _that’s_ why you don’t come home.” She made a knowing face, winking at Akaashi. 

A door in the sunroom leading to the outside opened. A man stepped through, brushing some snow off his dark winter jacket, slightly out of breath. “Ah, good, you’re here.”

“Hey dad,” Bokuto said, giving him a hug.

They parted, the man sticking his hand out after seeing the other boy. “And you must be Akaashi.”

If Bokuto had one hundred percent every personality trait of his mother, then he was an exact carbon copy of his father’s looks. Both their eyes burned like the flames in the fireplace, their jaws sharp and the same bridge to their noses. It was like seeing how Bokuto would look when he was older. Akaashi grasped the outstretched hand, “Yes, nice to meet you, sir.”

“Hiro will do just fine,” he said, still huffing from getting his body temperature back up. “Koutarou, how about you help me finish up the firewood real quick so we get that out of the way.”

Bokuto hesitated. His sister wrapped an arm around Akaashi, “Don’t worry, we won’t bite him. _Hard_ ,” she teased. Akaashi smiled at the familiar banter. After a millisecond silent conversation with their eyes, Bokuto nodded and zipped his coat back up before heading outside with his father. 

“How about you put those nimble hands to use and help roll up these dumplings for tomorrow?” Miya asked. 

“Of course,” Akaashi said, “Whatever I can do.”

Every family makes their dumplings a little bit different, so he sat and watched the two females make one or two before jumping in to help. 

“You know, this recipe has been passed down for generations.” Akaashi watched as Miya nimbly pinched the ends of one as she talked. “I learned to make it from my mother and her mother before her. It’s the one dish that I can make perfectly. Kira here was always the chef of the family yet weirdly enough,” she grinned, looking at her daughter, “This one here can’t make them by herself for the light of day while my son can.” 

“Mom!” she whined as they laughed at her expense. 

“It’s ok, Kira,” Akaashi assured, “You’re still ahead of me. I’m definitely more of the ‘I’ll do the dishes’ type of person.”

“Cheers to that,” she said. “There are two types of people in this world, those that cook and those that clean up the mess. And they always seem to end up with each other.”

Akaashi was worried that it would be awkward, but Bokuto’s family acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary; talking about random things, making sure they gave him the backstory. Akaashi couldn’t help but be a bit jealous that Bokuto had gotten to have this everyday growing up. 

“Does somebody play?” he asked, nodding his head towards the stark white baby grand piano in the corner of the living room. The lights from the Christmas tree that was still up in the opposite corner reflected off of it.

Miya looked where he was gesturing, “Ah, no unfortunately. But it was my grandmother’s so I took it when she passed. I was too old once I got it to really learn and both my children are incapable of being artistic.”

“Do you even love me?” Kira deadpanned.

Akaashi grinned, finishing up the last of his dough, “You’re certainly not too old to learn, no one is.”

The elder woman smiled warmly as she started to clean up the island.

The outside door opened again. “Gah, I’m starving,” Bokuto huffed, holding the door open for his dad. 

“What, a little physical labor tiring you out? Getting old?” Kira teased. 

He came up to her and put her into a head lock, mimicking what she said in a high voice. 

“Oi, what are you, two? Knock it off, Koutarou,” their mother yelled. He let go, Kira fixing her hair and sticking her tongue out at him as he walked over to lean on the island next to Akaashi. 

“Uh oh, you had Kaashi cooking? Surprised the kitchen’s still standing.”

“Ha ha, so funny,” he said, nudging his shoulder. 

“As a matter of fact,” Miya said proudly, “He actually did way better than Kira.” 

Kira scoffed, “Wooow, already replacing me, huh Akaashi?” 

“Sorry, can’t help it,” he teased back. 

They cleaned up quickly before heading to a small restaurant nearby to eat. Bokuto’s parents filled them in about who would be coming tomorrow and what time caterers would be setting up and what else needed to get done. Akaashi would never have thought about being so extravagant with an anniversary party, but somehow, even with their wealth, they were more down to earth than Akaashi’s parents. 

After thanking the eldest man for dinner, they headed back to the house. Bokuto grabbed their bags from the car. “You want a full tour?” Bokuto asked. 

His mother cut in, “Nope no, it’s late and you two need to be up bright and early tomorrow to help with final decorations. You can give him a tour while you set up.” She pushed them up the stairs. 

“And now you’ve met the planner crazed version of her,” Bokuto whispered.

“Heard that!” she yelled as she moved down the hall to her own room. 

Bokuto took Akaashi’s hand and led him to a door, opening it and gesturing for Akaashi to go in. He meekly took a step in. It was like being transported into the past. Ribbons and trophies sat on the high wall shelves, a pin board with Bokuto and Kuro and other students in high school uniforms attached to it hung above a desk, old school papers were in piles, volleyball jerseys were hanging on the dark blue walls. 

“Is it how you pictured it?” Bokuto asked, closing the door after dropping the two bags down. 

Akaashi took a slow circle, “It’s…cleaner.”

Bokuto laughed, “Because I haven’t been living in it for how many years?” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, kissing him for the first time since they got there. “If only little ol me could see me now, kissing the hottest guy in the world,” he smirked against their lips. 

Akaashi slapped his shoulder, the corner of his mouth turned up as he pulled away. “I’m surprised your mom is letting us stay in the same room?”

Bokuto shrugged, “I had brought it up. She said she figured since it’s not like we’re gonna end up pregnant or anything.”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” Akaashi grinned, “Surprise, I’m pregnant.”

“Ha ha, now who’s the funny one.”

They slowly got ready for bed, Bokuto pointing out trinkets and photos from his past, showing off his old yearbook and laughing at his awkward years. Akaashi loved seeing all this, anytime he got to learn more about his boyfriend was like making him feel more whole. 

They finally pulled the covers off the bed. “When I was figuring out my sexuality, I never thought I would get to this point,” Bokuto whispered as he pulled Akaashi closer to him. “Getting to go to sleep with the guy I love in the home I grew up in.”

Bokuto twirled his finger in Akaashi’s hair. “Thanks for coming, Kaashi," he said, softly.

He felt the head laying on him nod. “Of course. Your parents are really nice.”

“Mhm, and they really like you.”

“They do?”

“Oh yeah. Did you see the way my dad reacted when you mentioned that author? Nearly wanted to replace me with you right there.”

Akaashi released a breath, glad that he was doing a good job. 

“Now not to make a fool of myself tomorrow,” he mumbled. 

—————————-

Akaashi had woken up to a tight pressure in his crotch, his mind not fully awake. He groggily opened his eyes and adjusted to the early light, seeing Bokuto’s head bobbing below him. 

“Bo!” he whispered, “What the fuck, are you serious?”

Bokuto shrugged, staring up at him with innocent eyes and plopping off Akaashi’s hard dick for a second, “I have always wanted to do something like this.”

“Your famil-”

“Will hear you so yeah, don’t make a noise,” Bokuto winked as he continued to pump Akaashi with his hand, slowly returning his mouth and sucking hard. 

Akaashi’s head fell back on the pillow, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, pressing his palm as hard as he could to block out the sound. 

Bokuto was relentless, taking him far into the back of his throat. He felt Akaashi’s hips start to thrust up. His boyfriend always cummed faster in the morning. Slight groans started escaping the smaller man's mouth. He released, grabbing the cock with his hand before leaning in to whisper in Akaashi’s ear, “Ah ah baby, don’t want them to hear you now.”

Akaashi stared at him with wide eyes, chest heaving. His cock twitched in Bokuto’s hand. 

“Almost there?” Bokuto whispered. Akaashi nodded in response, hand still on his mouth. 

He moved his head back down, grasping hard onto Akaashi’s hips and increasing his pace. With a hard upward thrust of his hips, Akaashi came into Bokuto’s mouth, the other not missing a drop. 

When he felt Akaashi’s muscles relax, he popped off, swallowing. Akaashi was panting slightly. 

“I hate you,” he gritted. 

“Love you too, baby,” Bokuto smirked. 

———————————

Bokuto’s mom kept them all busy setting up final decorations for everything. Akaashi was glad for the tasks, it kept him from overthinking too much about how to speak or how to move, and definitely kept him from blushing every time he thought about that morning. He was so pissed at Bokuto, the other laughing as they got changed to go down and help everyone. 

They had just finished polishing up the garland on the railings and over the fireplace that Miya had up still from the holidays. 

“I always loved winter and Christmas. When Hiro proposed, I immediately said I wanted a winter wedding,” she had said when she gave the task. “Plus, easy decorations!”

Her decorations were greater than Akaashi had ever seen, everything sparkling and glittering with fairy lights. Bokuto showed them his favorite ornaments on the tall tree in the main space, pointing out ornaments he and Kira used to fight over to put up or ones he made in primary school. 

Around 2:30pm, Miya directed everyone to go get changed and get ready. Guests were due at 4:00pm and she wanted to take photos before everyone came. 

Akaashi left Bokuto in the bathroom still trying to style his hair. “Are you sure I’m not dating a girl?” Akaashi asked as he opened the bedroom door to leave. 

“Thanks, babe, love you too!” his boyfriend called out. 

Akaashi made his way downstairs, hoping to help with any last minute needs. Miya was in the kitchen. 

“Ah, Akaashi sweetie, could you go into the study and grab some more glasses off the shelf? It’s down the hall on the left.”

“Sure.” 

He made his way to the room, Bokuto’s dad was inside having a drink. 

“Oh no, I’ve been caught,” he said halfheartedly. 

Akaashi held onto the doorknob, not wanting to intrude. “Ah I’m sorry, your wife asked me to get some more glasses.”

“Of course, here.” He started walking to the large oak cabinet that held crystal glassware, the rest of the wall fixture contained old books or knickknacks. They took some down and placed them on a tray to easily carry back. “No need to rush back though. Would you like a drink?”

Akaashi hesitated, nervous to mess up in front of the man, but responded, “Ok.”

“Scotch work?”

“I prefer it.”

Hiro looked smug, “I’m impressed. Koutarou only drinks it when that’s the only option.”

Akaashi smirked, “And he’ll act like he likes it, but hates it.”

“You know him well.” Hiro poured two fingers of the amber liquid, handing a glass to Akaashi. “It’s an acquired taste,” he said, clinking their glasses. They both took a sip.

“Did your father introduce it to you?”

Akaashi froze, his cheeks warming a bit, “Ah no, my father and I…have extremely different tastes.” He looked into his glass before taking a gulp.

Hiro squinted. “Hm, that didn’t sound very positive.”

Akaashi took a deep breathe, looking the man straight in the eyes, “I’ll be honest sir, I don’t have a very good relationship with my dad. We’ve never seen eye to eye.”

The older man straightened up, looking at him with an eye that both looked like he was waiting for Akaashi to continue and not wanting to pry. The entire Bokuto family must have a spell on them or something, because somehow, Akaashi didn't feel any awkwardness in being upfront with them. If any of his conversations with his boyfriend and Kira taught him anything, it was that they all listened with an open ear. Hiro seemed to be no different.

Akaashi took another sip, letting the liquid coat his throat. “Ever since I was kid, I remember getting into spats with him.” He moved his head side to side as he listed, “He wanted me to join clubs that I didn’t want to, he didn’t like my friends, could never get good enough grades for him, he would get mad when I would go off by myself.” He paused. “Sometimes it made me wonder if there was _anything_ I could do to make him happy.” He grinned a little into his glass. “Turns out, the one thing he really wanted me to get, was another thing I couldn’t give him.”

“And that was?”

He shrugged. “A wife.”

“Ah,” Hiro grinned, understanding crossing his features. “You know, I can relate to that a bit. Not the, you know, wife part,” he said at Akaashi’s head tilt, “But the poor relationship in general. My father was a military man from a long line of officers. Very proud. Very _strict,_ ” he emphasized. “Wanted me to obviously follow in all their footsteps, made me go to a military academy year round and I tell you what, I had never been more miserable. So when I said I wanted to leave and go into business, he nearly disowned me. Said that no honorable man would sell his soul to make money.”

“So what happened when you did it anyway?”

Hiro’s lips pressed into a line. “He never really forgave me to be honest.” His face softened. “But that was around the time I met Miya. And I started with a great group of friends in my major. They ultimately became my business partners and now look at me,” he spread his hands out. “We are all still great friends, our kids are friends, we all go out, heck they’ll even be here tonight to celebrate my anniversary.”

He put his hand on Akaashi’s shoulder, “Sometimes, the people that come into your life out of the blue become your true family,” he smiled. 

Akaashi stared at him, the tips of his ears tingling. He never really had a male role model outside of his sensei to look up to, but he decided that Hiro wouldn’t be too terrible. 

“There you are,” Bokuto said walking into the den. “What did you do, get sucked into one of my dad’s golf stories?”

“Nope, just enjoying some scotch with someone who can actually appreciate it,” his dad answered. He took Akaashi’s now empty glass. “But you all should get the rest of these glasses to your mom before she has a rampage.” Bokuto nodded and took the tray of glasses they had taken from the cabinet. 

“It was good talking with you, Akaashi. Glad to have you here.” The pianist nodded at the man before turning to follow Bokuto out. 

Akaashi couldn’t help but feel a bit more confident and assured going into the event after the conversation.

He wondered what it would be like to have Hiro as a father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all had a great New Years!! Here’s to 2021, may all your hearts be filled with love.
> 
> So exited that you all finally made it to meeting Bo’s family!! What’s yalls first opinions?
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	32. Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried not to think about how worried he knew Bokuto was for him. Because then he just started thinking about how much he loved him and didn’t want to fuck up.

“Yuki, so good to see you!” Miya said as she hugged a small women. 

The house was packed, barely any room was left to walk. People of all ages were mingling, laughing loudly to each other as they drank out of crystal glasses. A few caterers would walk by briefly with trays of houvre d'oeuvres, the rest of the food covering the table in the sunroom.

“Koutarou, look at you!” An older lady exclaimed as she came up to give him a hug. 

“Hi Aunt Chizu,” he responded, reaching down so she could get her arms around his shoulders. 

“Ooh, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. How’s Tokyo!”

“Still as bustling as when you ran the streets,” he grinned. “This is my boyfriend, Akaashi,” he said, placing a hand on the other man’s lower back. 

Her round face lit up. “Oh my, aren’t you a handsome little thing. Hi sweetie!” She placed a kiss on each of his cheeks. 

That took the shy man back a little - hugging he had gotten used to. “Ah, hello.”

The lady patted them on the shoulder again as someone pulled her away to talk.

“Aunt Chizu never married and spends most of her time traveling, so she picks up habits from different places. Hence, the cheek kissing thing,” Bokuto leaned in to say to him.

Akaashi nodded as he looked around the place, Chizu was just one of the many people his boyfriend had already proudly introduced him to, all of them pleasant and interested in how the two met. “Everyone in your family is so nice,” he whispered as he watched everyone. 

Bokuto had a slight scrunch to his nose, his eyes bouncing around everyone. “Mhm, yeah. So far, at least.”

They went over and grabbed a drink from the kitchen, a younger man wearing a burgundy suit clasped Bokuto’s shoulder.

“Um, excuse me, who do you know here?“

”Sorry, this party is for classy people only, we don’t need any hooligans,” Bokuto responded through a smile.

  
“Then what the hell are you doing here,” the man chuckled, hugging the other.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about, dude,” Bokuto said. “I’m very classy.”

The man scoffed, “Right, and it _wasn’t_ you who taught me how to shotgun a beer when I was 14.”

Bokuto shook his head, raising his hand that was holding his glass so he could point at him. “Didn’t hear you complaining when all those girls fawned over you after seeing you do it at that party years later.”

”Yeah, yeah whatever.” He smiled. “It’s good to see you man, it’s been a while.”

“You too.” Bokuto opened his stance, putting his hand on Akaashi’s elbow to bring him forward a bit. “Charlie, this is my boyfriend, Akaashi. Charlie and I grew up together, he’s one of my dad’s best friend’s sons,” he supplied to Akaashi.

They shook hands, Charlie grinning with a twinkle in his eye. “Ooh so this is the mystery man everyone keeps talking about. Everyone can’t get over that there’s someone who can finally make Kou not act like a five year old.”

Akaashi squinted an eye, “I wouldn’t be too sure about that, he still gets upset when I won’t let him eat dessert before dinner.”

“Teach him how to tie his shoes yet?”

”We’re working on it,” Akaashi smirked.

Bokuto’s jaw dropped, a feint of hurt on his face. “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone, babe.”

The two shared a laugh, Bokuto’s heart swelling at his boyfriend falling so easily into rhythm with the people he’s known the longest.

Akaashi liked Charlie. He had a knack for story telling and didn’t hold back on both embarrassing, and praising, the volleyball player. The man was following his father and would be going into the family business, but had always had a pension for writing. It wasn’t long before they were swapping book recommendations. All the while, Bokuto kept twiddling him and Akaashi’s fingers together as their hands hung at their sides, every once in the while, rubbing his hand comfortingly down his boyfriend’s back.

When Akaashi went to grab the pair another drink, Charlie turned towards Bokuto. “I like him. You guys make a cute couple.”

  
  
”Thanks, Charlie.”

They were catching each other up on some drama between old friends when Charlie nodded his head over Bokuto’s shoulder, his face turning a bit sour. “Incoming.”

Bokuto turned, huffing a deep sigh as he took in who was greeting his mother in the hallway right now. Akaashi returned and followed the gaze as he handed his boyfriend a glass. He made eye contact with a petite, dark haired lady wearing a fur mink coat. Her black eyes switched back and forth between the two men before she straightened abruptly and turned around, covering the blatant avoidance by grabbing a passing family member to talk with them. 

He heard Bokuto groan. “I was hoping she wouldn’t come.”

“Why, who is that?”

Bokuto and Charlie shared a look with each other. The old friend signaled he’d take his leave. 

Taking a large gulp of his drink, “My Aunt Tomi,” Bokuto grumbled. “She married into the family but she acts as if she runs the whole family.” His lips were still pursed, but he softened his eyes as he looked at his boyfriend. “She isn’t very _approving_ , if you know what I mean.”

“Ah.” Akaashi knew exactly what he meant. “Good thing I have a lot of practice with that.” There were more people in Akaashi’s family that disapproved of his sexuality than approved. 

Bokuto sighed, swinging an arm around the raven haired man’s shoulder and bringing him in to kiss him on the forehead. “Let’s just do our best to avoid her. I don’t really feel like getting into a battle with her tonight.”

Miya and Hiro quieted everyone down before the food was served and spoke briefly about how honored they were that everyone came to celebrate with them. Even after all these years, they still looked like love sick college students, Akaashi thought, as he watched Miya hold onto her husband’s arm and look up at him with pure adoration.

He was worried, of course, that he would just be an awkward mess around Bokuto’s family, but conversation flowed easily. Everyone had their own stories to tell and questions for Akaashi, Bokuto would jump in every now and then to say how a story _really_ went or to change topics casually if he thought his boyfriend was getting uncomfortable. They moved around the house throughout the night, going from one spot to the other as conversations took them. Laughter was ringing, music played through the built in wall speakers, the food was fantastic, Akaashi was actually quite enjoying himself. He felt completely at ease. 

Until Aunt Tomi finally approached them in the living room. Bokuto was perched on one of the couch arms, Akaashi standing closely next to him. 

She nudged Charlie away without a word to him so she could approach the couple. “Koutarou, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” She smiled sickeningly, her dark red lipstick looking as if she just enjoyed a delicious meal of drinking lambs blood.

Akaashi could see Bokuto’s jaw muscles tense briefly, but just as quickly, he plastered on a huge smile, although Akaashi knew it was a facade. 

“Aunt Tomi, this is my _boyfriend,_ Akaashi.”

She didn’t acknowledge the clarification. “Akaashi. Hello.” She stuck her hand out to him, her black eyes scrutinizing every aspect of him. 

“Pleasure,” he said, shaking her hand. He didn’t miss how she slightly wiped it on her dress once they released. 

“Well,” she huffed, loudly. “I know you don’t play volleyball with Koutarou, you’re much too lithe!” she cackled. 

“Aunt Tomi,” Bokuto gritted. His eyes were burning, as they narrowed at her. He had hoped she would have been at least _somewhat_ cordial for one night. Guess not. 

But Akaashi didn’t seem very fazed. “I know right,” he said, placing a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder. “But we can’t all be as built as he is, huh? I’m constantly in awe of him, I could never do what he does.” He smiled back at her with just as much underhanded sweetness. 

Aunt Tomi was obviously a bit thrown off that Akaashi wasn’t more offended, Bokuto had seen it happen more than once - people fleeing at her first attack. But it didn’t knock her down long. “Mhmm,” she hummed. “And so what do you do? Wait, no, let me guess. A teacher? Or a photographer. You must get to look at so many....specimen that way.” She cocked her head, feigning innocence as she knowingly tried to stab at the man.

Well that was a new one, Akaashi was used to people making far off assumptions about him. Like his parents for one…He had to admit that this woman was definitely trying very hard to get under his skin with low blows. But Akaashi had years of practice dealing with people trying to box him in. He responded calmly, “No, I’m actually a pianist with the National Symphony Orchestra.”

She brought her wine glass up to her mouth, speaking into it as she took a sip. “Oh my, not very stable if you ask me.”

_I didn’t_ , he wanted to say. 

“How do you ever expect to support a family that way. Well, it’s not too late to take up something else with a better opportunity. Especially when I’m sure you don’t get very much playing time, the orchestra must have _dozens_ of pianists.” She laughed. 

Akaashi laughed with her sarcastically, saying through the wide smile, “No no, I’m the _lead_ ma’am, I basically run the whole show!”

The woman’s eyes flared, so contradicting to her smile she still had plastered on. She wasn’t used to someone taking her head on and shooting back. “Ah, of course. Silly me. Well, the NSO has never really been an _elite_ orchestra but still,” she cleared her throat, her smile fading. “Your schedule must keep you running then if you really are good. Can’t imagine you having any free time for friends.” She glanced at her nephew briefly.

Akaashi wrapped his arm around Bokuto’s waist, leaning his head on his shoulder. “Well, anything is easy when you have a _boyfriend_ like him and a love like ours. Right, sweetie?” He gazed up at his boyfriend, watching him trying to hold back the laughter. 

Bokuto pulled himself together. “Always, baby,” he cooed back.

The woman cleared her throat, her eyes seething at how close they were and their bodies pressing against one another. Akaashi knew it was the touching, no matter how PG-13, was what annoyed people like that the most. “Well I don’t know if that’s really appropriate here you two.”

“You mean in my own house?” Bokuto asserted. 

“Your _parent’s_ house. And I’m not sure how this can be seen as suitable, especially when there are children here. How about having some space between you two.”

“I don’t really see how that’s any of-”

She cut Bokuto off, clearly not backing down from separating them. “How about instead of just standing there, you make yourself useful as a guest, Akaashi? Why don’t you show us all what a _professional_ NSO pianist sounds like?” She called out the last line a bit louder, grabbing the attention of some other people. A few of them nodded their head a bit. She spoke softer to the people directly around them, “We promise we won’t compare you to what we heard Ryuichi Sakamoto play recently, right everyone?” What a witch.

Clever move though, Akaashi thought. At this point, she did whatever she could to separate the two boys. Now, Akaashi would look rude and disrespectful if he declined. But then he would be walking right into her will. And trying to knock him down a peg by comparing him to such a great pianist? What was this, elementary school? 

“Miya,” she called over the heads of people to get her cousin-in-law’s attention in the kitchen. More people quieted as they figured out what was happening. “Oh, don’t you want to hear Akaashi play!”

Bokuto tensed a bit. He knew how Akaashi felt about playing for people so squarely. “No,” he said, just as loudly. “This is a party, we’re not gonna make him work,” he joked, trying to diffuse the scene. 

“Nonsense,” Aunt Tomi said, gripping Akaashi’s forearm a bit too tightly. “If he’s so good, then this should be nothing for him.”

“Aunt Tomi, stop-”

“It’s ok,” Akaashi said, looking at Bokuto, “I don’t mind.” 

Bokuto stood a bit shocked as his aunt led his boyfriend over to the baby grand.

Of course this was one of Akaashi’s biggest fears, he hated doing stuff like this. But he hated losing more. And he didn’t want to embarrass his boyfriend. And he didn’t want Aunt Tomi’s sickeningly fake, sweet smile, on her face for one more second. She was clearly expecting Akaashi to choke. But he wouldn’t let himself. 

Someone had turned off the music coming through the speakers, everyone had crowded a little tighter into the kitchen, the connected sunroom, and into the living room with the piano and the two hallways by it. 

Akaashi took a deep breath as he uncovered the keys. It was always nerve wracking playing for the first time on a piano you’ve never used before. The weight of the keys could be different. How much pressure should he use? Are there any dead keys? Akaashi didn’t think so, even if none of the Bokuto’s played, he doubted they would let it go unmaintained. What song should he play? Should he put her in her place with something technical? Or emotional?

He placed his hands gently to rest on the keys, the familiarity of the small rectangles wasn’t enough to calm his racing heart. He tried not to think about everyone so close to him, not distanced by a stage. Tried not to think about his embarrassment for causing a scene at his boyfriend’s parent’s anniversary party. Tried not to think about how worried he knew Bokuto was for him. Because then he just started thinking about how much he loved him and didn’t want to fuck up. 

He started to play. The piano was in good shape, responding perfectly to the pressure he used to hit the keys. His subconscious chose one of the first arrangements he made of a Bach piece - his sensei always did say that it would be the one to play to make a point. The music ran throughout the house. It wasn’t a long piece, but it ebbed and flowed with enough emotion to entrance people. It wasn’t like Akaashi was going to pick a fifteen minute orchestra piece. 

Everyone blurred around him. He took them out of his mind, blocking them out of his peripheral vision, focusing only on the music he was playing. If he was taken out for even a second, he would forget his place. He wasn’t lying when he told Ren how he had stage fright too. When he was first learning, he realized early on that he would spiral in his head about how he ‘can’t mess up for these people watching’, ‘can’t be a failure’. He would be so focused on those thoughts that the second he went back to realizing he was playing, he would completely lose his train of thought when it came to where he was in the piece. It took years of practice for him to be able to find a state where he was just hearing the music, seeing the piece’s path in his head. The sheet music was rolling along in his mind. The walls of his own comforting apartment started to envelope him. 

The last notes held out long as they sounded across the air once he reached the end. He glanced up, a universal signal to show the end. Everyone started to clap, awe on their faces and yelling out ‘Well Done’ and ‘Beautiful’. 

Akaashi smiled softly, looking at Bokuto. His eyes were shinning, so warm and bright. He looked so proud. Akaashi’s shoulder sagged a little at having done him well. The volleyball player pushed forward a bit and before Akaashi could get up, the taller man placed a sweet kiss straight on his lips.

Everyone awed.

Well, almost everyone.

Aunt Tomi scowled, her nose scrunching as she rolled her eyes and huffed. She didn’t say anything. Just walked a bit further into the hallway and started talking to someone new, with the two men out of her sights.

Conversations started up again, the music turned back on, and the party resumed. 

“Akaashi, that was beautiful!” Miya said, holding her arms out and wrapping him in a hug. She pulled backed to whisper in his ear, “I’m so sorry she put you on the spot like that, I know that must have been terrifying.”

Akaashi waved it off. “Ah, it’s ok. I don’t mind.”

“Yes he does,” Bokuto said, putting his arm around his waist. “He actually hates doing that, but he’s too nice to say it.” He looked at his mother. “Don’t go thinking you can use him like a circus monkey whenever.”

“I would never,” she gasped. “More like a magic rabbit.” She winked. 

Aunt Tomi had left shortly after that, claiming to suddenly feel unwell. 

It was astonishing how many people came up to Akaashi to apologize for the behavior. It was both surreal and weird to have so many people acknowledge the wrong doing. While Japan overall has progressed tremendously in equality for the gay community, there were still legal restrictions when it came to them starting families and other marriage rights, and was definitely looked down upon those rooted in tradition, which is why there were still people like Tomi and Akaashi’s family that were sickened by it. But it seemed like everyone in Bokuto’s family had gotten over whatever initial shock they felt about his sexuality, no one seemed to agree with Aunt Tomi’s reactions to it. Akaashi had never had anyone in his family apologize to him for acting that way to him. Except maybe Jui. 

The party went on, people getting more and more rowdy as the drinks flowed. Hours after the party had started, guests finally started making their way home, saying their goodbyes to their hosts and waving to Akaashi. Kira had been fluttering back and forth to people all night and finally made her way over to her brother as the last few people left.

“I am exhausted,” she huffed. 

They clinked glasses, chugging the rest of the contents. She swayed a bit. “Alright, I’m out. I’m going to bed.”

Their mother’s heels clicked down the hall towards them. “Koutarou, make sure she doesn’t fall down the stairs.”

“She’s a big girl, she can do it.”

“Now, Koutarou.” He groaned, but held Kira’s arm as he walked her through the house. 

Miya turned towards Akaashi once they were alone. “I hope you were able to have some fun tonight and that it wasn’t _too_ overwhelming. I know that was quite a lot.” She smiled, the warmth in her features making her feel like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, winter’s day.

“I had a great time, thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course, dear! You are welcome anytime.” She laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet you. And you play beautifully, that was truly a gift to listen to.”

“Ah, speaking of.” He went over to where guests had dropped gifts for the couple under the tree, picking up a rectangular box. He handed it to the woman. “This is from me and Bo.”

Miya cocked her eyebrow. “You most certainly did not have to do this and I have no doubt that this was all you and you’re just saying my son was included.”

Akaashi smirked, “Ah, you caught me.”

She opened the box. Inside, nestled on brown shredded paper, was a bottle of wine.

“I asked Bokuto where you all were married. So I called them up and asked if they could look up the wine they had on record for your reception. They said this was the brand and year you had at your wedding.”

Her mouth gaped, her fingers lifting the neck of the bottle. “This is such a thoughtful gift,” she said, her eyes a bit glassy. “That whole day was such a blur of activity, I don’t think I ever got the chance to just sit and have a glass of this. Thank you so much.”

Akaashi shrugged, “I don’t know a lot about wine, but I thought it was fitting.”

She looked at him. Her brown eyes glistening, the only one between her husband and kids to have the dark eyes. Somehow, they were even warmer than the gold ones. “You know, I’m very glad my son has you, Akaashi,” she said, placing her hand on his. “And I want you to know, that I already think the world of you. You are a fine young man.”

Akaashi almost choked. He hadn’t realized just how much he wanted, no _needed,_ Bokuto’s parent’s approval. Now, after the conversation he had earlier with Hiro, it felt like they’ve both basically bestowed their blessing. 

She placed the bottle back in the box. “You’ll have to come back to visit to drink this with us. And I’m looking forward to hearing you play again! When’s your next concert?”

The corner of his mouth perked. He doesn’t usually go around promoting so shamelessly when he was performing next, but he realized he wouldn’t mind having Bokuto’s family come support him. “I’ll look at our schedule and have Bo let you know.”

“I’ll let them know what?” Bokuto asked. He looked at his mom, his head cocking. “Why are you crying? Geez Akaashi, are you picking on my mom?” he joked. 

His mom hit his chest lightly. “Oh stop. I’m just sitting here thinking about how I want to replace you with Akaashi,” she said. 

Laughing, “Honestly, that’s fair,” he said, looking at his boyfriend. “He is a gem.”

She grinned, the creases by her eyes deepening again. “He is indeed.” She stood up from the stool she was on, patting their shoulders. “Alright, I will see you two in the morning. Goodnight, my loves.”

They wished her goodnight and soon followed suit to their own room. Bokuto immediately wrapped the smaller man up once the door closed. 

He pressed them together tightly. “You did so well, Kaashi,” he mumbled into the crown of his head.

Akaashi gripped onto Bokuto’s back, digging his fingertips into the hard muscle. He felt completely drained all of a sudden. He spoke into Bokuto’s chest, “I need to be in solitude for like a week straight to recharge.”

Bokuto laughed, unwrapping his arms to cup Akaashi’s face. “Yeah, that’s fair.” He kissed him softly. “Thank you for coming,” he whispered. 

“Thanks for bringing me.”

“And you handled Aunt Tomi so well. How did you stay so calm?”

He shrugged. “After a while, I figured out just how to get under my family’s skin. If they weren’t going to accept me, might as well have some fun with it. Figured she would be just as affected. The only one I could never seem to really stand up to, and act so nonchalantly with, was my dad.”

Bokuto’s own heart ached imaging Akaashi going through that alone, trying to figure out how to live with people that couldn’t understand him. Worse, having a family full of Aunt Tomi’s. Bokuto didn’t know what he would have done if the rest of his family hadn’t been so supportive. Would probably be nowhere near as strong as his boyfriend. 

Akaashi kissed him, grinning against his lips. “And it worked. Did you see her face?”

Bokuto’s face lifted. “Did I? I wish I had a camera. I don’t think anyone’s put her in her place like that.”

“Why not?”

Bokuto sighed and started getting changed out of his clothes. “My uncle has had it pretty hard. He was married once before but she passed away from cancer. His company started to take a dive. Before we knew it, he had gotten into trouble, you know, shady deals, wrung up debt. She came into his life and they got married without him asking any of us for help. Had her own resources that she used to bail him out. Somehow got rid of all debt. None of us can really say anything because she’s threatened to call in the payments and leave him. No one wants to do that to my uncle. It would probably kill him.”

“So she’s basically blackmailing everyone?”

“Basically.”

“Damn, and I thought my family was fucked up.”

They shared a chuckle, exhaustion taking over them as they finished pulling on sleep clothes. Bokuto pulled Akaashi in close as they got into the bed, running his fingers through the dark locks.

“Bo?”

“Yeah?”

“I really like your family.”

Bokuto’s heart swelled. His family was the most important thing to him so of course he wanted them all to like each other. But every day, Akaashi was becoming more and more of a priority to him. 

“And they really like you, baby.”

If anything, that night made it clear to Bokuto that Akaashi was already becoming his family, too. 

And he would do whatever to protect him.

  
  


  
  


Akaashi’s Arrangement - [Bach G Minor](https://youtu.be/Nvrtau72PA0)

(Which is actually an interpretation by Lou Ni. The original Bach song is [Prelude in C Minor](https://youtu.be/vcC4Thug-h8) if you want to hear the difference :) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be interesting to show you all Akaashi’s perspective while playing for a performance rather than the opposite this time. 
> 
> Let’s all agree that everyone in Bokuto’s family is a shining star except for Aunt Tomi who needs to learn her place.
> 
> Please, please listen to the song Akaashi plays here it’s sooo good. The video is a bit meh, but the music guys, the musiicccc. I can’t sometimes, it’s too good.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	33. Jersey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clip was everywhere. YouTube, Facebook, sports commentators were gushing at it, it was retweeted on Twitter, both Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s Instagram accounts had blown up in followers.

“B-Bokuto…” Akaashi stared, horrified at the phone screen in his hand. Suga had sent him the video clip shortly after they had left rehearsal.

The clip was everywhere. YouTube, Facebook, sports commentators were gushing at it, it was retweeted on Twitter, both Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s Instagram accounts had blown up in followers.

Akaashi’s face was redder than a tomato under the summer sun. His face will never go back to its same porcelain color. His eyes were going crossed from staring straight at the video for so long, his thumb rewinding it over and over.

Bokuto had an away game that day. And the video was of his interview after they snagged a huge win over Spain that seeded them in a great rank.

“Bokuto-kun, what’s going through your head right now? How do you feel?” The commentator asked, she stood far enough away so that none of the sweat on Bokuto’s body could get on her. She held the microphone up for his response.

“Fantastic!” he said through a huge grin. “You know, Spain is a great team, but we’ve been working hard on our combination plays and the sets were in our favor today!” The team was going crazy in the background; Kuro was hollering, Atsumu and Hinata were letting out arfs like dogs. Bokuto kept turning back and pumping his fist to them.

“Do you expect those same plays to work on them in the future?”

“Well, they’ve got some time until the Olympic Trials to step it up, but Japan is just getting started!” he yelled, the team echoing it. Bokuto got jostled by his teammates from the excitement.

“And as the team’s ace,” she got his attention again, “how do you encourage your team?”

“Oh, well you know, it’s all about energy,” he huffed, wiping sweat from his forehead, “We all vibe off of another and the best way to do that is for me to go in guns blazing and get everyone pumped.”

Kuro came up and dumped a water bottle on Bokuto, the rest of the team cheering. Bokuto was just laughing as he tried to stay focused on the interview.

“So then if you encourage the team, who encourages you and gets you pumped up?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Bokuto grinned, grabbing the microphone to bring it closer to his face. He stared at the camera and pointed into it. “That’s all thanks to the best boyfriend in the world, Akaashi Keiji. I love you, baby, thanks for everything! WOO!” he yelled into the mic. The commentator knew that was the most she was going to get out of the man as the rest of the team started dragging him away.

Akaashi couldn’t believe Bokuto just yelled that out on national television. It wasn’t like Bokuto hadn’t been open about his sexuality in past interviews - that was a whole scandal back before he had even met him. But this was the first time he had brought Akaashi’s name into it. And publically declared that. 

And now it was going viral.

He bit his lip, covering his face with his phone.

Fuck, he loved that loser.

\-----------------------

“You’re an actual idiot, you know that?” He smirked as Bokuto walked into his apartment with flowers.

The volleyball player pouted, dropping the flowers on the counter and going to wrap his arms around Akaashi who was sitting at the island. “Babyy, I’m sorrrrryyy.” He kissed his cheek and leaned over his shoulder. “I was just so amped up on emotions, it just came out.” His lower lip stuck out again as he made sad puppy dog eyes.

Akaashi tried to keep the smile in, but couldn’t as he pushed him off. “I’m not mad. Caught off guard, but not mad.” He tapped his index and pointer finger to his lips.

Bokuto grinned as he leaned down and kissed him.

“It’s not my fault that I was still running a high from the weekend,” Bokuto smirked against his lips. 

They had rented a house outside of the city to celebrate their one year anniversary. The true date wasn’t until next week, but Bokuto has a game the same day and Akaashi’s schedule was packed. They wanted more time to celebrate, so they took the past weekend. The weekend away was spent more without clothes than with them. 

A whole year. They had already overcame so much; they loved one another and got into fights, made up, made amazing memories and ones they wanted to forget, and they stuck through it all. Bokuto had attended another away training session, albeit shorter than the Belgium one, but they had learned from past mistakes and stuck to a schedule to skype with each other. Bokuto’s parents would come to visit them in he city - Akaashi never feeling unwelcomed, and was finally comfortable enough to joke around openly with them. After all the days and months, Bokuto still looked at Akaashi as if he was seeing him for the first time. And Akaashi’s heart still fluttered faster than his hands on the most complicated Chopin piece. 

“So if I’m the reason you get pumped up, and your team gets amped because of you, and they win because of that, then this means I get to take the credit for Japan’s success, right?”

Bokuto laughed and hugged him again. “Absolutely.”

\------------------------

It was definitely weird having so many people reach out to him out of the blue. People he hadn’t talked to in years were texting him to ask for tickets to Bokuto’s games. Old coworkers hit him up to get coffee. People from college were messaging his Facebook as if they had been the greatest of friends. His old friend Saki had even texted him. They chatted for a while before he started asking Akaashi about what happened with Daishou. ‘You were such a good couple,’ he had said. ‘He loved you so much.’ Akaashi finally just turned his phone off.

“Now this, this is genius!” Sensei Takahiro praised as he looked over the draft sheet music in one of the practice rooms. “This motif right here,” he said, pointing, “Is pinging me deep in my chest. And the cello rift? Akaashi, you’ve really out done yourself here. It’s coming along great.”

Sighing from his spot at the piano, “There’s still something missing from it though,” Akaashi said. “Don’t you think it’s a little too straight-laced?” 

“Hmm,” Takahiro hummed, a finger on his chin, “Possibly. I said it’s great though, not finished,” he winked.

“I know, I know,” Akaashi smiled. “’Keep working on it.’”

“Atta boy.”

They started cleaning up the sheet music. “Oh, Chiaki wants to have you over for dinner sometime. Said she needs some actual love and attention, as if I don’t give it to her,” he preened.

Akaashi chuckled, “Maybe stop spending so many all-nighters composing, Sensei, and your wife wouldn’t say that.”

His teacher waved it off, “We all know you are a much better substitute.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Akaashi grinned, throwing his bag strap over his shoulder. “Are you heading to CCS?”

“Nope, I have to go pick up something for dinner. Word of advice, Akaashi, whenever a spouse says they need a few things from the store, never believe ‘em! You’ll always get a twenty page list,” he said, looking over his glasses. 

“Noted,” Akaashi said with a smile.

He waved to his Sensei who was going out the back door to his car in the parking lot, while Akaashi made his way to the front of the hall. He started to turn his phone back on to ask Bokuto what he was up to, lifting his head once he got to the lobby. 

Even with it being fairly dark out, Akaashi would recognize the gander of that person anywhere. The outline of his body was etched into the back of Akaashi’s mind forever.

He had his arm slung around the shoulder of a petite, pretty, blonde girl. She was gripping onto his waist as she tilted her head back and laughed.

The glint of the man’s green eyes stared down at her with hunger as they passed by the glass doors.

_Daishou?_

\------------------------------

It was just the trick of the light, Akaashi surmised. The ex had moved out of Tokyo a long time ago, and, what, he just happened to walk by the rehearsal hall?

There was no way it was him, Akaashi was just sleep deprived and paranoid from the spotlight turned on him suddenly. He had only thought it because he had been texting Saki earlier. The thought had left his mind almost as quickly as he had it, didn’t even cross his mind again the entire week since he was busy enough with all his performances and lessons to really care about it.

He looked up from the couch as he heard his door unlock.

Bokuto plopped his bag down next to the dresser before leaning down to give Akaashi a kiss. 

“You know, I feel bad that you always have to lug your gear over here. We can go to your place more if you want,” Akaashi asked. 

His boyfriend shrugged. “I don’t mind. I like not having to worry about if Kuro and Kenma can hear us. You know how much I love hearing you.” He smirked before leaning back in to kiss him again, Akaashi hitting his shoulder, not able to contain his smile and blush.

“Besides, it’s usually not this much,” He plopped down next to him on the couch, slinging an arm over the back and fixing his hair with the other. “I just had to throw in my stuff for the game tomorrow. Still not able to come?”

Akaashi frowned before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I’m booked all day with lessons.”

“S’okay. Am I gonna have to start penciling myself in on your calendar?”

“Hmm, maybe,” Akaashi said seriously. “Kidding, I’ll always have time for you,” he said in response to Bokuto’s pout. 

Bokuto hummed. “Good. You mind if I take a shower real quick?”

“Nope, go for it. Curry tonight?”

Bokuto went to his bag to pull out some clothes to change into. “Works for me.”

Akaashi called the place to put in an order as he heard the shower start to run. He made himself busy by doing minor cleaning around the apartment; emptying the drying rack, putting some laundry away, etc. His eyes caught on Bokuto’s bag on the floor. 

He felt bad that Bokuto kept having to bring so much over. Should he clear out a drawer for him to use? Maybe that should’ve happened a while ago. Or is that too much....is it even needed? But that way he could just leave stuff here and then only worry about stuff he’d need for games. He made up his mind quickly, pulling out some of his clothes in a long drawer and moving it to a different one. He started emptying the duffel, his eyes catching on the black volleyball jersey inside. 

He pulled it out. It still shocked him that he was dating a professional athlete even a year later, this was perhaps the least likely person he thought he would end up with. His fingers brushed over Bokuto’s name on the back of the jersey. He was so proud of his boyfriend. And it made him feel even worse that he couldn’t go to every single game, especially the one on their anniversary. But that was life, sometimes schedules just didn’t line up. 

He chewed on his lip. _He could make it up to him_ , he thought, running the fabric through his fingers. Would he even like this? Was it going too far? He figured if it was an actual problem, then Bokuto would just tell him. He blocked out any sound reasoning as he kicked his pants off and pulled his shirt off, replacing it with the black jersey. 

It hung off his shoulders a bit, the hemline dropping to his thighs. Was Bokuto really this big and he just didn’t realize? He suddenly became very self-conscious. This was a terrible idea. 

“Hey, babe, I was thinking that we could go to that-”

The man stopped short. His eyes landing on Akaashi blushing profusely and looking away as he tugged down the hemline of the jersey. 

“Um....I just-”

“Holy fuck.”

Akaashi’s eyes snapped to Bokuto’s. “I don’t really know what I was I thinking, but I also don’t think I was expecting it to be so big, like shit, how do you even play in this-”

“Akaashi.”

Akaashi’s heart was running faster than a racehorse. “Yeah....”

“Turn around real quick.”

“Um...”

“Just....face the windows?”

Akaashi shyly turned so his back was toward Bokuto. He heard a groan behind him before hands wrapped around his waist. 

“Fuck, seeing my name on your back is making me want to take you so bad,” he said, starting to suck on the side of Akaashi’s neck. 

The smaller man’s head went back, leaning on Bokuto’s shoulder. “I...I felt bad that I was missing your game on our anniversary.” He moaned as he felt Bokuto’s teeth bite down slightly, drops of water from his hair landing on Akaashi. He grasped the hands around his waist. 

“Will you let me fuck you?” Bokuto said huskily into his ear, the air cascading over the shell, causing Akaashi’s entire body to shiver. 

“Please,” Akaashi whispered. 

Bokuto spun him around, slamming their lips together as Akaashi clutched his face, their teeth hitting one another as they moved as fast as they could to claim each other’s mouths. Akaashi moaned as he felt Bokuto squeeze his ass over the jersey.

He could already feel how hard Bokuto had gotten through the gym shorts he had thrown on, his chest still bare. Before Akaashi could even start to get his hands into the waistband, Bokuto lifted him up and started walking towards the bed. He tossed Akaashi down, staring at him with lust and love as he pushed his shorts down. Clad in just his boxers, he climbed onto the bed, gripping the back of Akaashi’s neck to taste his lips again, his teeth took hold of his lower lip, pulling at it slightly as he started to palm Akaashi through his boxers. 

He caressed the thick outline, relishing in every huff of breath Akaashi let out as the pressure built. He finally hooked his hands in the band and pulled them down, throwing them to the side. He stared at the man below him, the hem of the jersey slightly scrunched onto his waist, his cock hard and dripping against his stomach with his legs slightly parted. 

“Fuck...” Bokuto moaned, running his hands over Akaashi’s legs. “Holy shit, you’re amazing.”

Akaashi bit his lip, his eyes glancing away under his boyfriends tantalizing stare. He felt a hand cup his face to bring him forward again. Bokuto placed a much slower, sweeter kiss to his lips as Akaashi wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He ran his hands all over Bokuto’s back, his fingers digging in every time he felt them flex. They made their way down to Bokuto’s underwear, finally snapping the waist to signal him to take them off. 

Leaning back, Bokuto stepped off the bed to pull them off. Akaashi stared at him in all his glory. Some of the water from his shower was still gleaming on his body as the light reflected off it, his chiseled abs going all way down to the V in hips. He subconsciously licked his lips. 

Akaashi sat up, going for the hem of the jersey with the intention of taking it off before Bokuto gripped his wrists. 

“Nuh uh, that stays on,” he said, kneeling back down on the bed before going to suck on Akaashi’s neck more. 

Akaashi’s heart jumped. “You...you wanna do it with it on?”

He felt Bokuto smirk against his neck, leaving one more bite before gripping Akaashi’s waist and flipping him over. He leaned over to whisper in his ear, his right hand running down the side of Akaashi’s body. “Seeing you wear my name on your back, calling out _my name_ , _moaning_ my name as I fuck you, is something I could only dream of.”

Akaashi almost came right there from the weight of Bokuto’s body pushing his cock into the mattress and the words being whispered. He felt Bokuto start to knead his ass. The weight pulled off his back as he felt something wet start to lick around his rim. 

He jerked while moaning, pushing back a bit to get Bokuto’s tongue to go deeper. “Fuck, Bo,” he sighed. 

Bokuto’s tongue crept in and out shallowly, keeping Akaashi on edge as he tormented him with the pace. Akaashi’s hips kept trying force up, the larger man using a hand to press in his lower back to keep him still. 

“Bo, stop teasing...”

Bokuto smirked before giving his ass a light squeeze. He leaned over and grabbed the lube and condoms from the drawer of the nightstand. He quickly deposited some of the liquid onto his hands and bit more to Akaashi’s rim. They moaned together as he inserted a finger, Akaashi’s hole still clenching around the digit. He leaned forward, his finger still moving in and out slowly. “How are you still so tight, Kaashi? Every time feels like the first time.”

Akaashi let out a deep sigh as he felt a second finger join the first and push in deeper. He cast a glance over his shoulder. “Maybe you aren’t fucking me hard enough then.”

Bokuto’s hand stopped, his whole body seeming to expand as he took in the comment. His eyes went dark as they bore into Akaashi’s with desire. He slammed his fingers in, Akaashi’s back arching as he choked on the moan. Bokuto’s fingers curled in and pistoned, drawing out the most glorious sounds from Akaashi’s mouth. He inserted a third, stretching the bright red skin as he spread his fingers as far as he could. 

He brushed Akaashi’s hair back with his free hand, seeing his lidded eyes and the way they stared up at Bokuto, lost in pleasure. He swiped his thumb across his lower lip, Akaashi’s tongue darting out to lick it, his hips back to thrusting against the fingers inside him. Bokuto kissed his forehead. 

Akaashi squeezed his eyes, choking on his words as they barely came out. “Please...”

Bokuto tugged on his ear with his teeth as he responded. “Please, what...” the sounds from the panting and his fingers filling the room. 

He saw Akaashi’s eyes tighten more, saw his Adams’s apple bob as he tried not to let his boyfriend win the silent battle. Bokuto stopped moving his fingers. 

Akaashi chewed on his lip, groaning from the lack of stimulation. 

“Tell me what you want, baby,” Bokuto whispered again, his tongue licking the soft skin behind Akaashi’s ear. 

“Fuck me,” Akaashi exhaled, giving in, “Fuck me, _please_.”

Satisfied, Bokuto leaned back and removed his hand, Akaashi whimpering. _Whimpering_. Bokuto quickly rolled a condom on, pausing to hover over his boyfriend as he took in the flushed face staring over his shoulder, still wearing the volleyball player’s jersey. Every primal instinct was ringing in Bokuto’s head. 

“Ready, baby?”

Akaashi could only nod, his mouth still parted and breathing heavily. 

He gripped Akaashi’s hips and thrusted in in one swell movement, he didn’t give Akaashi time to adjust as he slammed in hard and fast. 

“Ah! Ah, fuck, Bo!”

Bokuto’s hips kept snapping forward, Akaashi’s hole gripping around every inch of his cock as if it couldn’t get enough. He leaned forward, grabbing Akaashi’s face and tilting it back, swallowing every gasp coming out of his mouth as he kissed him roughly, pumping into him with abandonment. 

He pulled back, still gripping Akaashi’s face. Akaashi looked like he was starving, and Bokuto was the last person on earth with any food. 

“Yeah, baby? What was that about not fucking you hard enough?”

Akaashi whined, the noise making Bokuto growl. He raised up, gripping Akaashi’s hips again. 

“Fuck, look at you. My name plastered on you - ugh, f-fuck - my cock, ramming in you.”

Akaashi’s knuckles were turning white from gripping the bed sheet so hard. He could feel his cock hitting his stomach with every push from Bokuto. 

And then he felt Bokuto’s cock ram right into his prostate. 

“FUCK! B-Bo! Yes, yes! Oh fuck, don’t stop!”

Bokuto roughly pulled Akaashi up against him, his hands gripping his chin to look at him while he continued to thrust up hard into him. Akaashi’s words wouldn’t come out. 

“You wanna cum, baby?”

“Mhm, mhm” he nodded, his eyebrows furrowing. 

Bokuto reached forward and started pumping Akaashi’s cock. “ _Mine_ ,” he growled. “Cum for me, baby.” As soon as he applied the slightest pressure, Akaashi’s body started twitching, his eyes squeezed shut as his cum shot out. 

“Bo! Ahhmm!” He bit down on his lip as Bokuto pumped him through it. When he saw him calm down, he pushed him back down so he was perched on his arms. 

The arch in the pianist’s back and Bokuto’s jersey name and number staring back at him had him following suit with a few sporadic thrusts. 

He stayed hovering behind Akaashi, his breath sounding like he just ran a marathon. He nudged the jersey with his forehead as he leaned up and kissed the back of Akaashi’s neck.

Akaashi was also still coming down from his high, his arms shaking a bit. With his last remaining energy, he tilted his head to glance over his shoulder, “Fuck, Bo…”

Bokuto moved in and kissed his mouth sweetly. “Was that hard enough?”

His boyfriend gave a light chuckle, the corner of his mouth turning up, “Yeah, I would say so.”

Humming, Bokuto rubbed his nose against his cheek, “I wasn’t too rough though, right? I don’t want to hurt you.”

If Akaashi didn’t already love this man with every ounce of his soul, he would fall in love with him even more every time Bokuto was worried for his comfort level.

He kissed him. “It felt amazing. I’m fine, Bo.” He paused. “Although we’re definitely going to have to wash your jersey tonight,” he said through a slight laugh.

Hands ran up his sides. “Hmm, I don’t know. Playing in it with your cum still on it is kinda hot.”

“No, Bo, that’s just gross.”

Bokuto laughed and started to pull out of Akaashi, both of them hissing at the sensitivity. He stared at his boyfriend once he finished throwing away the condom. “But seriously, babe, that was so hot.” He leaned his hands on the bed, hovering his lips over Akaashi’s, “All I’m gonna be able to think about whenever I put that jersey on is you wearing it as you cum from me.”

Akaashi gripped his boyfriend’s chin, his thumb caressing the swollen lower lip. “Good,” he smirked, before bringing their faces together. “Had to have some way to make sure you don’t forget me during your games,” he mumbled against their lips.

“That wasn’t possible to begin with.”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow. “So you _didn’t_ want to fuck me wearing your jersey?”

“Now, I didn’t say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *takes deep breath* *SCREAMS*
> 
> That’s it. That’s the note. You’re welcome.
> 
> (But this chapter does technically start the next arc, just fyi)


	34. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi felt himself give a ghost of a smile. He had been bottling everything up about his past relationship for so long that he fet like a balloon released into the sky just wandering, and is now finally slowly coming back down to earth. And Bokuto was the one holding the end to his string.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start, let me just say, I did a weird thing of searching on twitter this fic just out of curiosity to see if anyone's mentioned it and whoever @byekoutaro is I SEE YOU HYPING THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
> 
> *clears throat* that is all. Please continue

Things had gotten hectic the more digging people did on Akaashi and Bokuto’s relationship. Videos were popping up of them in public, photos from their social media accounts showed up in articles. The media advisor for the team assured them that the attention would go away soon, they just had to ride it out until then, unfortunately. 

Bokuto apologized profusely to Akaashi, constantly sending ‘I’m sorry’ texts and trying to tell paparazzi to knock it off, but the pianist understood. It really wasn’t Bokuto’s fault - he should have been able to speak about his private life without the world feeling the need to invade it. Honestly, Akaashi was shocked it had even taken the year for something like this to happen.

The next week or two was spent with him working on his arrangement at his apartment or sneaking around with Bokuto. They learned the hard way going out so soon after all the attention when they had girls come running up to them squealing about ‘how to find true love.’

So they thought it best to lay low for a while and try to limit public appearances together. Still, after about three weeks of the video being posted, they didn’t want to take any chances and had to skip their monthly ritual of going out to try a new restaurant. It wasn’t worth the hassle of making it to the place just to have to leave when someone spotted them and made a scene. The couple decided to instead have a night in and make the most of it. Akaashi told Bokuto that he would pick up a random batch of ingredients from the store and they would make a game out of figuring out how to piece it together.

He was staring at the meat section, trying to decide if Bokuto would have a harder time making something with pork or with fish in combination with the other ingredients he selected. Akaashi said he wouldn’t make it easy for the man, but he also wanted to make sure they would both be somewhat in the mood for the main ingredients. He put the basket down to take his phone out to just ask.

“Careful, take too long and all the good meat will go running away,” a voice said.

Akaashi’s back went rigid. Every single hair on his arms and the back of his neck stood up straight as that voice slithered its way in one ear and curled around his mind. Every corner of his brain pinged with warnings.

He didn’t turn around, didn’t respond. But he could see the reflection in the glass counter as the figure took a step forward to stand side by side him.

“Hey Keiji boy, what have you been up to?” Daishou cooed at him.

Akaashi’s eyes went wide, mouth hanging open, gaping a bit, as he took a step away, forgetting that he placed his basket down next to him. He tripped, about to land flat on his butt, as Daishou stuck a hand out and grabbed his arm.

Akaashi didn’t blink, didn’t breathe, as his ex brought him back to his feet. “Glad to know I can still get you to fall for me,” he winked.

“W-What are you doing here, Daishou? I thought you moved to Korea,” Akaashi said in a weak voice. So it _was_ him who he saw walking pass the hall.

The man shrugged, “Wasn’t right for me. Decided to come back a few months ago.” The corner of his lips turned up as he stared down down at him, “I have to say, I was hoping that I would run into you.”

Akaashi’s eyes were darting around, hoping and praying that people were around. He wouldn’t trust his ex farther than he could throw him. “Right. And you just, _happened_ to be in the exact same grocery store as me.”

“Oh come on, Keiji,” he paused, his eyes narrowing, “This is the same place you’ve gone to since college.”

Akaashi’s heart quickened. He was right. This has been a usual spot for him for years. He wanted to puke at the thought of this animal knowing his routine. “Now that you mention it, this place has always been overpriced. Bye,” he said, turning on his heels quickly to leave.

A hand grabbed his arm. “Hey now, Keiji-”

“Don’t call me that,” Akaashi gritted, whirling on him briefly and tearing his arm away, “You lost that right long ago.” The feeling of the man’s hand on his forearm sent flashbacks flooding through his mind, all those trips to the emergency room for bleeding, and cracked ribs...

Daishou’s eyebrows raised, a slight smile coming to his face as he took in Akaashi. “Ok,” he conceded, “Looks like you grew up a bit. Got some feistiness to you finally. I was hoping for that.”

Still trying to figure out how to back away without Daishou following him, Akaashi took slow steps back trying to put distance between them. He didn’t even care that he would be walking out without the ingredients. “Hoping for what?” 

His back hit one of the aisles. Daishou slinked up close to him, his breath hitting Akaashi’s face. “That you were finally able to be on my level. I’ve missed you, Keiji.” He raised a hand, Akaashi flinching subconsciously, and slowly grazed it down the pale skin of Akaashi’s cheek. The small man couldn’t stop his jaw from trembling. The cold hand went down further, a finger tracing the vein in his throat before moving the collar of his shirt out a tad. Daishou stared at the dark, purple mark, left on the skin by another man.

He scowled a bit. “A shame you seem to think you could do better than me.” He pressed a finger into the bite, Akaashi hissing at the sting. “Don’t you remember how we thrived in college, Keiji? All those, late night rendezvouses on campus? How you _needed_ me to help you survive? How much _fun_ we had? No one’s been able to satisfy me like you.” He leaned in and whispered in Akaashi’s ear. “You’re why I came back. To take you back.”

It was like the shock finally registered.

“To take me back?” Akaashi questioned, his voice only a tad less shaky. “Funny.” He pushed him off of him, his arms feeling a bit like jelly. “Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of, Daishou. I wouldn’t get back together with you in a million years,” he sneered, turning to walk down the aisle and praying to the heavens that his past wouldn’t follow.

Daishou called out from behind him. “You’re lying to yourself, Keiji, if you think that! You think that _volleyball player_ can give you what I did? You’ll come running back, just like you always did. Or I’ll take you back.”

Akaashi had never ran faster in his life.

\------------

“Kaashi?” Bokuto called, “What are you doing up here?” 

Akaashi watched as Bokuto exited the door to the roof, his hands going into his pockets to block out the cold. Biting his lip, Akaashi looked up at the sky. It was cloudy, the summer air threatening to downpour at any second. There was a smell of rain in the wind as a slight gust ran across the rooftop. He couldn’t see any stars.

“I wanted to feel some of the cold,” he said.

Bokuto gave him a questioning stare, “What, so you can get sick? I’ll feed you soup without you getting ill you know,” he smirked, coming closer to rub his hands down Akaashi’s arms. Akaashi jerked back a bit.

Bokuto’s heart skipped. “Akaashi?”

“I have to tell you something and before I say it, I want you to know that I love you.”

He saw Bokuto’s eyes squint, his eyebrows turning in as he tried to hide his fear, ”Ok…” he drawled. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Akaashi steeled himself, looking over the rooftop at the lights of the buildings around him. “Daishou’s back in town. He-he approached me at the store earlier,” he choked out.

Bokuto’s eyes went wide, a mixture of surprise and confusion and anger on his features. “Wh-what? Did he do something to you? Akaashi, I swear to God, I will fucking ki-”

“I’m fine,” he interjected. “I just….” He paused, wrapping his arms around himself to give some sort support, “I haven’t felt that scared in a while? It was like I was experiencing every ounce of fear that I blocked out while we were together.” He glanced at his boyfriend. “Bokuto, I…I know I haven’t talked a lot about what happened in the past but, I just want you to know that you don’t have anything to worry about, ok? I’d never go back to him. ”

His boyfriend immediately softened, his shoulders relaxing. “Kaashi…that’s what you’re worried about? That I would think you talked to him on purpose? That never crossed my mind once. I'm more worried about if you're ok.”

Shaking his head a bit, Akaashi dug his fingers into his arms as he looked away again. “I-I was so scared, Bo. Just seeing him...I remembered everything he was capable of.” His throat felt like sand paper, every word using every bit of strength he had. He was biting on his lip, could feel the skin starting to gnaw off. His voice cracked a bit as he bucked up the courage to continue. “I was in a fucked up place around the time I met him. And then all of a sudden, he came into my life and....he-he was like a drug that I couldn’t ween myself off of. I became someone completely different, just believed _anything_ he said and relied on him for everything.” He crinkled his nose to stop the tickle of tears. His voice lowered, barely above a whisper as he recalled the early days of the relationship. “I didn’t have anyone else. Was so vulnerable. And alone. And it just felt so good to be _wanted_ by someone. Even if he wasn’t perfect.”

Bokuto watched as his boyfriend shuddered, wanting so desperately to relieve him of this burden he had been carrying for so long. Akaashi took a huge breath, still not meeting Bokuto’s eyes. “Even as I sported new bruises everyday, I stayed with him," his voice got less and less steady as he continued, "I couldn’t bring myself to leave. He would somehow make it up to me and I just went along with it like it was no big deal and I just was so blinded from the truth. He used to always say that I was lucky to be with him because no one else would want me. And I thought he was right for the longest time, _believed_ he was right.” His eye finally lifting to his boyfriends as his voice finally broke, “Until I met you.”

He took a few steps and grabbed Bokuto’s hands. “I love you. So much. You have helped me to not only understand my worth, but have made me happier than I ever thought I could be. I just need you to know that, ok? As much as I hate him, I know him. I-I have a feeling that he’s gonna try and cause a wedge between us.” He squeezed their hands. “Whatever he does, whatever he says, I just need you to know that I will _always_ choose you.” 

He felt Bokuto slip his hands free, his heart froze for a second before the taller man wrapped him in a hug. “Oh baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered into the black head of hair, “I kinda can’t since I announced it on national television, you’re kinda stuck with me.” Akaashi laughed into his chest. Leave it to his steadfast boyfriend for being able to bring a smile to his face when he needs it most.

Bokuto pulled back, his face grim as he swiped Akaashi’s bangs back. “But,” his golden eyes scanned the disheartened blue ones, “I know I told you, what feels like eons ago, that it’s your story to tell, but, don’t you think you’d feel better if we talk about it more? Nothing you say will _ever_ change how I feel about you.”

Akaashi sucked in heavily, his eyes back to not meeting Bokuto’s. “I-I know, I just…I’m sorry, I don’t really want to relive any more of it?”

“I understand,” Bokuto said, nodding as he took a step back.

Akaashi grabbed one of his hands again. “But, maybe little by little,” he said, placing Bokuto’s hand on his rib cage, right where his scar was, “You asked me a long time ago where I got this from.” His head tilted down, whether in shame or fear, Bokuto couldn’t tell. “He threw me into a glass table one night when I told him I couldn’t go out with him. I-I had work to do, and a huge project due the next day, I just couldn’t. It was the one time I tried to say no to him. It shattered underneath me. The glass that sliced up back healed but the corner piece had gotten lodged into me right here.” The delicate hands began to shake. “You know, he didn’t even say anything to me? Just walked out the door. Didn’t even say anything when I had all the glass cleaned up, and the table thrown out by the time he got back. There were a couple of times where I think he hit the wound on purpose when it was still healing.”

He let go of their hands, taking a small step back as he kept his head hung low. “And now I have the scar that never lets me forget how much of an idiot I was, how weak I was. I don’t know why I didn’t leave, I just…couldn’t. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t.” He put his face into his hands, his shoulders jerking as tears started to finally cascade out. 

Soft hands gently pulled his own away, Bokuto crouched a bit to look at him. “Don’t ever say you’re an idiot, got it?” His voice was gentle, even as it was laced with concern. “Don’t ever think for a _second_ that anything you went through was your fault, ok? That guy was a monster that preyed on your good heart and _used_ you. Controlled you, and just the thought of you going through that makes me want to rip his throat out. And I’m so, so proud of you for even saying what you have.”

He made slow movements as he went to wipe some of the tears off Akaashi’s cheeks. “You’re not weak, Akaashi. Never have been and never will be. And if you find yourself starting to doubt yourself, then I’ll be there to remind you of how amazing you are. And how much I love you. And how you are _whole_.”

Giving a slight nod, Akaashi raised his hands to wrap around Bokuto’s torso tightly as he dug his face into his chest again. Bokuto rubbed his backed gently. “I’m sorry that I haven’t told you everything sooner,” he mumbled.

Bokuto shook his head. “Don’t be. I'm sure this isn't easy to talk about. And like I said, this doesn’t change anything. Although it does make me want to murder him even more for ever laying a hand on you. And having the audacity to come up to you.”

“Oh,” he sniffled a bit, pulling back with sad eyes. “That reminds me. I didn’t get any of the ingredients for dinner tonight. I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok. Let’s just order in. Hopefully your new neighbor doesn’t try to call the cops on the delivery guy again.”

Akaashi felt himself give a ghost of a smile. He had been bottling everything up about his past relationship for so long that he had felt like a balloon released into the sky just wandering, and is now finally slowly coming back down to earth. And Bokuto was the one holding the end to his string. There was still so much left to tell about his scars, but one by one he could feel the ones on his heart start to heel, so long as his boyfriend was by his side.  
  


They held hands as they walked back to the door.

“Bo?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Akaashi said, giving their hands a light squeeze.

\--------------------

Akaashi was pleasantly surprised that he had been wrong. Daishou hadn’t made an appearance since their last encounter, and it had been almost than a month since that night.

He didn’t deny that he was on edge for the first week or two, constantly checking behind him or taking cabs for insanely short distances, not caring if the driver judged him. Bokuto had stayed over at the studio apartment for a while when Akaashi had called him in the middle of the night panicking. Bokuto didn’t even batt an eyelash at being woken up at the ungodly hour. Just packed a suitcase and drove to Akaashi’s apartment. Each night had gotten better as Akaashi fell asleep in his boyfriend's arms, and woke up with him. But it still didn’t stop Akaashi from going to the gym bright and early with Bokuto on some mornings when he couldn’t get out of his head and was too scared to be by himself.

The team didn’t mind, of course. They loved having Akaashi there, and it was good for the nervous pianist to work off some of the energy.

Eventually, he found himself breathing more normally and was able to sleep by himself. Although, not like he necessarily wanted to - he always slept better when Bokuto was there. They thought that the media onslaught was finally over, but every once in a while, he and Bokuto would spot a paparazzi trying to snap pictures of them still, so it was better for them to split up - Bokuto determined to keep where Akaashi lives under wraps. The camera man would more than likely choose to follow the volleyball player over Akaashi as he made his way back to his own apartment.

Everything was relatively normal as it could be, even when Akaashi started getting the text messages. Saki was all of a sudden hounding Akaashi about him and Bokuto’s private life. Asking about his job. Trying to get together for dinner or drinks. He finally told the man that if he got coffee with him, would he stop bothering him? He couldn’t get any work done with the constant messaging.

The friend agreed and it went better than Akaashi had thought. He was pleasant almost, a completely different person to the way he was badgering in his messages. He didn’t even bring up college, didn’t mention Akaashi’s ex like he was afraid he would, just talked about what they had been up to since graduating and how Saki works for a sporting store now.

The whole thing lasted maybe an hour before they headed their separate ways home.

And after that, the messages stopped. Just like he promised. 

It finally felt like things were back to normal. 

“How do you feel about this entire baroque era performance,” Suga asked as they packed up their things after rehearsal.

Akaashi shrugged, “It’s better than the medieval theme we did.”

“Fair.”

“How’s Daichi?” he asked, holding the door for his friend as they left the room.

“He’s good,” Suga responded, throwing his bag over his shoulder, “We’re thinking about getting a dog.”

Akaashi’s eyebrow cocked. “A dog?”

Suga shrugged. “What, do you think a cat is better?”

The pianist had to hold in a laugh, “No, I just think it’s a little random. Since when did you guys want a pet?”

Suga pursed his lips, his eyes a bit glazed. “I brought up kids.”

Stopping in his tracks, Akaashi turned, giving him his full attention. “So you went from a kid to a dog?”

The silver haired man let out a sigh. “Daichi got nervous, started freaking out, exclaiming how ‘we aren’t even married’. And I said ‘oh, so we’re never going to get married?’ And he said ‘of course we will, I just don’t think we’re ready for kids’. Long story short, it was a huge fight and we figured we’d practice with a dog.”

Akaashi was a bit taken back, but wasn’t very surprised. “That’s...that’s great, Suga. I’m happy for y’all.” 

“Yeah well, you’ll be dog sitting, let’s get that straight right now.”

Akaashi laughed. “Sounds good. Alright, I’ll see you later.” They waved each other off as Akaashi headed for the lobby and Suga made his way to the parking lot out back.

The night air had a bite to it as he exited the building and started walking down the street.

“Hiya, Keiji.”

He froze, a ringing sounding in his ears. He didn’t wanted to turn, didn’t want to look towards the voice. But it was like his body was working on autopilot - it knew the consequences of ignoring him. His fear was outweighing his mind as he looked to his right.

Daishou was leaning with his back against the brick wall of the alley at the end of the building.

“What do you want?” Akaashi forced out, his hands shaking a bit as they gripped his bag.

“You wound me, Keiji." The man shrugged, coming a bit closer. "I was expecting you to reach out by now.”

“And why would I do that?”

”Because as much as you try to deny it, you’re mine. You and I both know that.”

”Go to hell. You’re lucky I don’t call the cops on you for everything you did to me.”

Daishou scowled, his glare burning. Akaashi felt his heart sink to the bottom of his gut at the sight. “You know, I think I liked it better when you were a bit more meek.”

“Sorry that I’m not your weak doll anymore,” Akaashi said, finally finding his nerve and starting to walk past him. A hand gripped his wrist and swung him to the wall. Arms caged him in. 

“You may not be a doll anymore, but you’re still mine,” he snarled a bit, grabbing Akaashi’s chin to force him to look at him. “You know I don’t like you walking away from me, Keiji. Do I have to remind you what happens when you make me mad?” 

Akaashi couldn’t feel himself breathing anymore. His mind was going fuzzy from lack of air. This has happened to him too many times before, he could feel his muscles reverting back to submission. He knew if he didn’t get out now, his entire conscious would shut down. And Daishou would win as always.

“Fuck you,” he gritted, right before kneeing his ex in the groin. 

Daishou hunched over, groaning at the pain. “You fucking bitch,” he wheezed, spitting at him. 

Akaashi backed away, adrenaline pumping through him. He was both scared out of his mind and ecstatic that he stood up to him. He started to run down the street. 

But he wasn’t far enough away as he heard the man bellowing after him. 

“Big mistake, Keiji! Big mistake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just ugh, man. Ugh. 
> 
> For anyone who’s in an abusive relationship, please consider this hotline: 1.800.799.7233
> 
> There will be a trigger warning on the beginning note of the next chapter. If you aren’t triggered by anything and don’t want a bit of a spoiler, skip over it. But if there are things that trigger you, know your limits and read the warning.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	35. Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma watched as one of his best friends pulled himself together bit by bit, already showing tremendous bravery by talking so much. The man was going through hell right now, but Kenma couldn’t help but think that he’d get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *STOP* There is a trigger warning below. If you don’t want a spoiler, scroll over quickly.  
> 
> 
> TW: Rape Attempt
> 
> .

“Hello?”

”Akaashi, hey.”

Balancing the phone on his shoulder, Akaashi threw his sheet music into his bag and zipped it, grabbing it before heading to his front door. “Saki...what’s up?” He closed the door behind him and locked it.   
  
  


“I just...I had to talk to you again.”

Pausing briefly, Akaashi pushed the door to the stairs open with his shoulder. “Ok...about what?”

Nothing was said on the other side for a moment, he looked at the phone to make sure the call didn’t drop while in the staircase.

“I just think you need to be careful? Daishou isn’t in Korea anymore-“

”I know he isn’t.”

”He’s already talked to you?”

Akaashi shrugged, walking down the next landing. “I guess you could call it that.”

Saki was quiet, deep breaths coming through the phone. “I should’ve told you sooner.” A car horn beeped on the other end as he gathered his thoughts. “I have a friend that used to work at the same company as him. She called me a few months ago, around the time he came back to Tokyo. Daishou was fired for misconduct. Had no one to vouch for him, no other place would hire him. His girlfriend left him soon after, he racked up gambling debt, he’s been banned from bars across the city for being belligerent...I don’t know all the details, but after speaking with him recently, it’s clear he’s gone off the handle. He’s lost everything, Akaashi. I don’t think he’s thinking sanely.”

  
  
Akaashi paused inside the entrance to his building, hesitating before walking out the door to his uber. _He hasn’t been thinking sanely for a long time_ , he wanted to say.

Saki continued. “I just had to warn you. I-I realize now he’s not a good person.”

Akaashi stood there, his brain whirling at the man’s too late realization. “Got it. Thanks for letting me know.” _Although you could’ve said this when we met up..._

”And Akaashi?”

”Yeah?”

”I’m sorry.”

Akaashi didn’t get the chance to ask him what for before the call ended.

———————-

  
Akaashi was exhausted by the time he got home from the hall. Goshiki was a jerk, as usual, but it seemed liked every day he became more and more of an annoyance.

It didn’t help that the entire time, he couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Saki earlier and what happened the other night outside the hall. He took ubers to and from rehearsal now, not taking a risk. 

Bokuto was furious when he told him about the confrontation. He seriously wanted Akaashi to get a restraining order, he even went as far as texting Daichi about it. 

Akaashi wasn’t necessarily against it once he thought it over, especially after this call with Saki. Daishou was crazy. And it made him sick to his stomach to think about how he subjected himself to the man for so long. But at the time, he just saw Daishou as competitive and Alpha type - even with every bruise and backhanded comment he made to Akaashi. Akaashi was just so blinded. So indebted to the man that pulled him out of the weeds when he was all alone. Now that he’s not in his grasps anymore though, he sees all of it in a new light. 

And it made him scared. 

Because he remembered how one time, Daishou slashed someone’s tire just so they wouldn’t beat him to a restaurant. And how when someone cut him off on the road, he followed them home and smashed their mailbox. If he did that to strangers and friends, did what he did to Akaashi when they were _dating,_ what the hell could he do after what Akaashi did to him three nights ago? 

His phone vibrated as he walked up the stairs. 

**From** **Bokuto**

_Kuro is borrowing my car this weekend since his is in the shop, so I won’t have my keys tonight!_

He responded ok and started walking to his apartment. The shadows from his new neighbor’s feet danced under the crack in her door. She was extremely skiddish, more than once threatening delivery drivers and even people that lived in the building. She even tried to call them on Akaashi, stopping only when he pulled his key out and unlocked his door.

He opened his door swiftly to avoid the confrontation.

Sighing, he unpacked his bag and grabbed a bottle of water. It was only 6:15pm, Bokuto was supposed to be getting to his place at around 7pm for date night. The seconds ticked by too slowly. He moved to the piano, trying to immerse himself in his work best he could, finding himself scribbling out notes more than actually adding to them. 

Less than an hour later, a knock came from the door. He put his pencil down to answer it. 

“Surprised you actually let Kuro take your car,” Akaashi joked. But the smile immediately left his face as he saw who was standing at the door. Or at least who _was_ standing in the frame. Now he was walking into the apartment, forcing Akaashi to take steps back in shock. 

“D-Daishou, wha-what are you doing here...”

A click came from the door as the man closed it behind him. His eyes were a bit bloodshot, his lips curling back into an eerie smile. “Why, looking for you of course.” 

There was a ringing in Akaashi’s ears. “How did you even find me?”

The man’s head drooped to the side, an innocent look on his face, “You didn’t think Saki was just reaching out out of the blue, did you? Amazing what people will do for you when you tell them you know they’re cheating on their girlfriend.” He clicked his tongue, wagging his finger. “You should be careful about all the information you tell people.”

That’s why Saki made a complete one-eighty, why he was so curious about his work schedule and his relationship. And why he all of a sudden felt the need to warn him, and apologize.

Daishou looked around the apartment, letting out a low whistle. “I gotta say, this is a real step up from the dump you used to stay in. But then again, I did always tell you to just move in with me.”

“But then how would I look the other way when _you’d_ cheat on me?” he gritted. His mind was racing. What was he supposed to do? He was slowly getting further and further into his apartment. Daishou was way stronger than him, it’s not like he could win in a fight. 

Daishou mocked shock, his hand going to his chest. “Keiji boy, you know I did it to make you jealous. And to, you know, learn new tricks to bring back to you,” he winked.

“New tricks? You mean like using me like a rag doll?”

“I didn’t hear you complaining about it at the time,” he growled deeply. 

Akaashi stiffened at the voice. His body immediately reverting back to survival tactics. 

Daishou took a circle around the studio, running his fingers across the kitchen island. “I gotta say, Keiji. I didn’t realize how good I had it. But what could I have done? You were always just so _pliant._ I got bored with it, of course I had to leave you.” He shrugged. “But I tell you what, after dealing with some people who just complain and fight, and don’t realize how much _work_ you do for them, all I wanted was to have someone like you back.”

He stopped moving, his eyes going back to Akaashi as if he was sharing the million dollar idea on Shark Tank. “And then I thought, well why can’t I have that back? Why can’t I take back what I marked as mine? So imagine my surprise when I hear _my_ Keiji’s name being broadcasted across the nation by some two-bit athlete. Wasn’t too hard to find you after that combined with the details Saki gave me.” He walked over to the dresser, picking up one of the framed photos of Akaashi and Bokuto that had accumulated, the one Bokuto gave him last Christmas that started the collection. “Can’t believe you think this imbecile can give you what you need.”

“Oh, what, and you could? And don’t call him that, he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be.” Akaashi’s heart was beating erratically, every thump like the ticking of the clock earlier. His nails were digging into the palm of his hands to keep him alert.

The frame shattered against the floor, Akaashi jumping at the noise. Daishou’s eyes were dilated as he stared at the pianist. “Keiji, I gave you _everything,”_ his voice dripped like rotting honey. The glass from the frame cracked under his feet as he took a few steps closer, his green eyes holding Akaashi frozen. 

“I was there when your parents shut you out,” he mused, “When you went to school and had no friends, _I_ took you in and gave you my group. I gave you all my love, Keiji.”

“That’s what you call love? You _broke_ me, Daishou,” Akaashi protested. “You took advantage of someone who was already lost. I thought you loved me, but you just wanted to keep me as your play thing. I’m _glad_ you’re finally seeing what it feels like to be all alone. You’re a monster.”

An arm shot out, a hand grabbing around Akaashi’s throat. _“I’m_ the monster?” Daishou strained, the veins in his neck pulsing. _“You’re_ the one that’s flaunting around with _your_ new toy. Just _begging_ for me to come back. I told you even back then, that you were always going to be mine. I left so that you would realize that I’m the only one that can ever be right for you. That was a cute move you pulled the other night, but I think you have to remember your place.”

He was still gripping Akaashi’s windpipe as he forced his lips onto his, the taste of liquor permeated through the skin. Akaashi thrashed, his hands going out as he tried to push him off. His lungs started burning, one of his nails racked down the aggressor’s face.

Grabbing the wrist, Daishou squeezed, twisting it back while swallowing the attempt Akaashi made to cry out. The hands released as they both fell backwards with a slam. Every bone in Akaashi’s body cracked.

They thrashed, Akaashi using all his weight to try and throw the man off as they rolled across the floor. He vaguely felt shards of glass stick into his bicep. His head slammed against the floor as Daishou got on top of him.

“STO-” a hand covered his mouth, pressing in to stop the sounds coming out as Daishou hovered over him. 

“Let me make this clear,” he hissed, bringing his face right above Akaashi’s. “You’re still the same weak, _pathetic_ little nobody you’ve always been. You _need_ me to remind you of your place.” 

—————

Bokuto trudged up the stairs, mumbling to himself about how the elevator is just wasted space in the building with how slow it is.

He went up to Akaashi’s door and knocked. 

“Kaashiiiiii.”

No one answered. He knocked again, louder. 

“Babe?”

He saw Akaashi’s new neighbor peek outside her door. Only one eye peering through the crack. 

Bokuto nodded his head in greeting, knocking with the palm of his hand now. Akaashi knew he was coming over and this was the time they were supposed to meet up. His boyfriend would’ve texted him if he had left the apartment. 

He took his phone out and started to call him. 

He froze.

He could hear Akaashi’s phone ringing through the door. 

“Akaashi, are you ok!” he yelled, banging on the door so hard it jostled in the hinge. 

The neighbor stuck her head out. “What are you doing, are you breaking in there?”

He only turned his head, his hand still banging on the door. His heart was beating out of his chest. “I’m his boyfriend, calm down.”

“I don’t believe you!” she exclaimed, “The other one said the same thing! I’m calling the police!”

_The other one?_

Bokuto stopped, he willed the blood to stop rushing in his ears as he placed his ear to the door. 

That’s when he heard the shuffling. 

He had stuffed Kira’s face into one too many pillows to know the telltale sound of someone’s voice being muffled. 

“AKAASHI,” he yelled. 

Fuck the door, he didn’t care anymore.

He started slamming his foot against it. 

————-

Akaashi could hear Bokuto through the door, could see the door from where he was on his back as he kept trying to grasp at Daishou. 

“Aw look Keiji, just like old times,” the ex grinned wickedly. He kept his hand on Akaashi’s mouth as he used his other one to unbutton the boy’s pants. His cold, spidery hand slipped in and palmed Akaashi’s length. But only for a second which, somehow, Akaashi was able to recognize wasn’t normal, before the man reached in further and stuck a dry finger into Akaashi’s hole. 

“MMM,” he tried to yell at the pain, tried to bite at the hand still covering him. His body was trapped under Daishou’s weight as he thrashed his hips, his hands on the man’s shoulders trying to push him off. Daishou pressed further. Akaashi’s eyes started to glaze.

His body started to freeze, his muscles tensing as his eyes went wide. He had been in this position too many times before. His fight or flight reflexes kicked back in as he remembered back to when they were dating. 

_You get hurt less if you don’t fight it._

As he saw Akaashi’s hands fall limply to his sides, Daishou lifted off slightly, his hand coming off the smaller man’s mouth as he started unbuckling his own pants. 

“There’s my doll.” He grinned. 

Akaashi was numb. His senses blurred together. He barely felt his legs being hiked up in the crook of Daishou’s arms. 

His head was disconnected from his nerves. 

He was no more than a husk. 

A doll.

—————————-

Bokuto vowed to make Iwaizumi ramp up his leg workout as he finally started cracking the door. It splintered. The neighbor started screaming. Bokuto vaguely heard sirens coming down the street as he kicked the rest of the door down. 

He could’ve thrown up if he wasn’t so fucking furious. 

There was Akaashi’s ex, hovering over his boyfriend, mere inches away from connecting his hips. 

“GET THE FUCK OFF HIM,” Bokuto yelled. He raged forward, slamming into Daishou and knocking him over. They crashed into the piano bench, the wood splintering and sheet music flying.

Bokuto forced a knee onto the man’s chest, grabbing his shirt collar as he spat in his face, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, what the fuck did you do to him!”

Daishou was stronger than he looked, he started to buck, trying to knock Bokuto off, but Bokuto was a professional athlete, and his training was finally doing him justice. 

Grinning, “I was giving him what he truly wanted,” Daishou sneered. “Reminding him that that ass belongs to me and _only_ me considering I was the first one to take it to begin with.” His eyes squinted as he bore into Bokuto, “Finders keepers, am I right,” he smiled grotesquely. 

That’s when Bokuto’s fist slammed into the man’s face, ruining the skin on his knuckles, but he didn’t care. 

Daishou started laughing through the punches. 

“You fucking piece of shit!” Bokuto didn’t let off. Daishou was laughing like a wild man underneath him, the blood from his mouth and nose spreading all over his face and Bokuto’s hand. Daishou finally got ahold of his limbs and threw one of his own punches, clonking Bokuto’s cheek. 

“That’s all he’ll ever be good for anyway,” Daishou cackled as Bokuto recovered, “Just a hole for guys like us to stick their cocks into.” Daishou spat at him, blood landing on Bokuto’s shirt. 

Snarling, Bokuto continued flying again, “You-fucking-pig!” he yelled in between throws. 

Footsteps raced down the hall. 

“Police, put your hands up!”

But Bokuto didn’t stop. He didn’t tear his eyes off his fist making contact with the rat bastard’s face until he felt hands wrap strongly around his chest and crash him to the floor. 

Officers were all over the apartment. Handcuffs were being attached to his wrists and to Daishou’s as well. 

Bokuto stared as he laid on his stomach, an officer reading him his rights. The only one not being cuffed was Akaashi, as a police officer softly draped a blanket over his body to bring him out of the shock. 

In the midst of his rage, he didn’t even check on Akaashi. 

They didn’t give him a chance to talk to him as they escorted the two out of the building. 

———————-

The handcuffs unclasped and fell onto the table. Bokuto rubbed his wrists, shaking his arms out, the two hours in the holding cell not doing his muscles any favors.

“I took care of it.”

“Thanks, Daichi.”

The lieutenant sighed, leaning on his desk. “You’re telling me that’s Akaashi’s motherfucking ex?”

Bokuto nodded. 

Daichi ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck man, Suga told me it was bad, but I didn’t realize he was a fucking maniac.”

“I don’t think any of us knew,” Bokuto mumbled, his head downcast, “Akaashi never liked to talk about it. He was just now beginning to share it. Now I guess we know why.” 

“You said that it looked like he hadn’t...started yet, right?”

Bokuto nodded. “But I don’t know what happened before I got in.” He looked at the officer. “Dai, have you talked to him? Is he ok? I-I need to go and check on him.”

Daichi shook his head, arms crossing. “Sorry man, we still need to get your paperwork cleared and record your statement. It will be a bit longer until you can get out of here. All I know is that he’s back from the emergency room. I have an officer stationed outside his place with him but I don’t think he’s really figured out what to do yet. We’ll get someone out there to replace the door ASAP.”

Bokuto’s head hurt. Akaashi didn’t like to be alone, he knew that. He didn’t know if it extended to situations as strenuous as this, but he felt sick to his stomach leaving him there alone. 

“At least let me call Kenma. He-he was there when he needed him before. Let me have him go check on him.”

Daichi nodded, handing Bokuto his phone out of the possessions bag.

“Hello?”

Bokuto nearly burst off his seat. “Kenma, you need to go check on Akaashi right now.”

“What? Why, what ha-”

“His ex.”

He heard Kenma suck in quickly. “How bad?”

“Bad.”

“I’m on my way.”

He clicked the phone off. “He’s heading over now.”

Daichi nodded, turning to speak into the walkie on his shoulder, “Officer code eleven, civilian en-route to site, entrance allowed to victim’s apartment. 5’6, dyed black and blonde hair. Over.”

Bokuto grimaced. The word ‘victim’ ringing through his head. 

He looked at Daichi when he was done. “Dai, what am I supposed to do? How...how does he come back from this?”

Daichi sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Akaashi’s a lot stronger than you think. He’s gotten through it once before and he’ll do it again. All you can do is give him the time to do it and be there for when he needs it.”

————————-

Kenma nodded to the officer, pulling back the tarp they had put up to cover the hole where the door was. 

“Kaash?”

He took a few steps in. It was eerie how while this was a different apartment, the energy in the air was charged with the same tenseness he hadn’t felt since college. 

He finally saw the top of Akaashi’s head, sitting on the floor in the corner between the bed and the window ledge, a blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders as water dripped from his hair. 

Kenma slowly sat down crossed legged in front of him. 

Akaashi’s eyes were half closed, his arms bright red, a brace on his wrist. Dark, purple and green bruises encircled his throat. 

“Hey,” Kenma said softly. 

Akaashi didn’t look at him. Just nodded his head barely. 

“I don’t want to ask are you ok. Cause how would anyone be ok after that. So. What do you _need?”_

Akaashi sighed through his nose, finally lifting his head. 

His eyes were burning, the same blue in the middle of a scorching flame, a complete 180 to how Kenma found him sunken into his bed when Daishou broke up with him all that time ago. 

“To be honest, I could really go for a whole pizza right now,” he said, his voice a bit scratchy.

Kenma stared at him, choking back a laugh as best he could because who would laugh at a time like this, but he couldn’t help it. It was the exact opposite of what he was expecting.

The corner of Akaashi’s mouth tilted up a bit. The DJ chuckled before taking out his phone and placing an online order for a few pizzas. He quietly told the officer to not be alarmed by it before plopping back down in front of Akaashi. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

Akaashi shrugged, losing a bit of his courage. “Feeling that fear again was the biggest shock of my life. I-I couldn’t fight him. My limbs physically wouldn’t move by the end of it. My entire chest was seizing and yet, I just felt sad.”

Kenma cocked his head. He was expecting anger and resentment and tears. Sad was a little bit out of scope. 

“When I heard Bokuto basically ripping down my front door. And Daishou was finally off of me. I still couldn’t shake that feeling. This…overwhelming numbness that my body had gone into in order to protect me. And I felt sad that I subjected myself to that being a normal response for me for so many years.”

Tears finally started to pool in his eyes. “Why did I do that to myself? How could I have not fought harder to get away from it in the beginning? How could I let him control for me for so long?” He started choking on the tears, gasping. Kenma finally moved in closer and silently asked for permission to touch him before wrapping his arms around his shoulder, Akaashi sobbing into Kenma’s shirt. 

Kenma rubbed his back. “You were blinded by what you thought was love, you can’t beat yourself up for that. If anyone here is to blame, it’s him. None of this is your fault. I am so sorry you had to feel like that again, Akaashi.”

Akaashi shook his head, sniffling back through the tears. “I’m not gonna let him win this time though. He doesn’t get to control my happiness anymore. If anything, it reminded me how love is actually supposed to work with Bokuto,” he whimpered. 

“He’s worried sick, you know,” Kenma murmured. “Poor guy was texting me the entire way here. I was afraid he was going to punch Daichi to get out of the station.”

Akaashi winced at remembering Bokuto punching Daishou continuously. “Yeah, I figured. To be honest, it’s probably better that it’s you.”

“You don’t want to talk to him about it?”

His lip started twitching again, his voice breaking still, “I-I’ll get there,” he gasped on the tears, “But, I just need some time away from everyone. I don’t want to see the looks of pity? I need to figure out how to connect my skin back to my nerves.” He looked at his arms. “I already spent an hour straight in the shower trying to scrub myself to death,” he said, biting his lip as he looked at the torched skin.

“I’ll let him know. He’ll understand.”

Kenma watched as one of his best friends pulled himself together bit by bit, already showing tremendous bravery by talking so much. The man was going through hell right now, but Kenma couldn’t help but think that he’d get through it. “Akaashi...you are probably the nicest person anyone has ever met. You go out of the way for people and I’m pretty sure people think your nature is to just back down in confrontation. But you are, by far, the _bravest_ and _strongest_ person I know. That monster doesn’t get to define you, got it?”

The officer walked in cautiously with the pizza, she placed it down in front of them. “Here you go.” They nodded their heads in thanks. “Somebody should be coming to replace the door soon. Are you gonna want to stay here tonight or stay at someone else’s?”

Akaashi looked at Kenma, a silent conversation happening between them. The friend turned slightly to the officer to answer. “We’re both going to stay here tonight if that’s ok.”

She smiled softly. “Sure thing.”

“Couldn’t let you have all this pizza by yourself,” Kenma smirked, sliding the boxes over to start opening them. He did his friend the curtesy of not saying the real reason the man would want him to stay. 

Akaashi’s watered eyes softened as he stared at the boxes. “I’m suddenly not feeling up to eating now. I’m sorry.”

”S’okay. More for me.”

  
  
Akaashi’s hands gripped tighter onto the blanket around him. Maybe if he just wrapped himself up, everything would go away.

“Thanks, Kenma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This....was a hard chapter to write. I put off writing it for such a long time because I knew how much emotional turmoil it was going to put me, and y’all, through. 
> 
> I thought a long time as to the pacing of this. I originally wanted to cut it when they escort Bo out, but then the chapter would’ve been kinda short even with what happened and I think I would’ve felt obligated to add in ‘filler’ stuff that wouldn’t add to the story. So I kept it going. Curious as to y’all’s thoughts on the pacing of this. Pls make me a better writer.
> 
> My heart yearns for anyone who has been the victim of emotional/physical abuse. No one can take away what makes you you. Never forget how whole you are no matter what.
> 
> Daishou is a mirror of Akaashi and Bokuto - how when left to your own devices without a support system, sometimes a mental illness can drive you to do what you think is necessary in order to stay sane. When in fact, it just makes you worse.
> 
> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


	36. Funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What troubled Kenma, was that this was already different from college. This time, everything was turned upside down in how Akaashi was battling. And Kenma was still unsure of how to help.

Kenma frowned at the sound of the toilet flushing again. It was the third time Akaashi had thrown up since breakfast. 

The man exited, a bit of sweat on his brow as he leaned heavily against the wall, an arm wrapped loosely onto his stomach. Every other step would make shooting pains up his side. 

Two of his ribs were cracked. His wrist was sprained so severely that the doctor was shocked it wasn’t broken. Bits of glass had scratched up his arms, back, and legs. The bruises on his throat were just now starting to fade almost two weeks later. 

“You need to eat something,” Kenma urged, leaning against the kitchen island. 

Akaashi glared. “I’m not hungry, obviously.”

“Well too bad,” the friend said, pushing off and extending an arm to help him walk to the couch. Akaashi shook him off. “That last time, you threw up nothing. You need to keep something in your stomach.”

Akaashi plopped down onto his couch, wincing at his ribs. “I’m fine, Kenma.”

His friend stared, not wanting to give in but not wanting to push him. He finally just sighed before sitting down next to him. They absentmindedly watched the TV, neither one of them really processing it. 

“You want me to take you to the hall to listen to rehearsal? That way you’re not missi-”

“I don’t want to.”

“We could go to the park? Get some-”

“I don’t want to, Kenma!” Akaashi exclaimed, his eyes daring the other to fight him. 

Kenma conceded, mumbling ok before turning back to the TV.

It had been the same thing for two weeks. He kept trying to get the man out of his head, but to no success. Everything was shot down. 

But Kenma wasn’t going to give up until he succeeded.

What troubled Kenma, was that this was already different from the first time. In college, Akaashi hadn’t gotten out of bed for months. Kenma took it upon himself to keep his place in order and made sure he ate. But this time, everything was turned upside down in how Akaashi was battling. And Kenma was still unsure of how to help.

“I’m sorry,” Akaashi finally said, sighing. “It’s like one second I’m fine, and the next I don’t even know how to breathe.”

“Don’t be. It’s ok.”

Laughter came from the sitcom they were watching.

\--------------------------------------

Groaning, Bokuto lifted the weights over his chest, Kuro standing over him. 

He huffed, finishing the rep before starting to place them on the rest, Kuro guiding him back. 

“Nice, Bo. Broke your PR.”

Bokuto wiggled his arms around, feeling his muscles tingle at the sensation. “Yeah, well, still not where I wanna be.”

Kuro frowned. His best friend was pushing himself too far with all the workouts. It seemed like the gym was the only way to keep his mind occupied off of Akaashi as he gave his boyfriend the space he asked for. 

A few paparazzi had gotten photos of Bokuto exiting the police station with the bruises on his face and his hand wrapped up. He had to go in front of the volleyball association with Daichi to explain it wasn’t the volleyball player’s fault, and that he was acting in self-defense. It didn’t stop them from giving him a warning and threatening to suspend him from the team’s entire season. But when word somehow leaked that he was protecting his precious boyfriend that the entire nation had already fallen in love with after his TV proclamation, the threat magically vanished, and Bokuto’s record squeaky clean. 

Not that any of that helped Akaashi, though. The couple still texted, albeit not as frequently as they used to obviously – Bokuto was too afraid of stirring up painful memories, or just making the situation worse. So he refrained from reaching out too much.

Akaashi was still keeping to himself inside his apartment. He had gone over a few times, but stopped himself from knocking on the door. Kenma was the only one to Bokuto’s knowledge that Akaashi allowed over. He wouldn’t deny that it stung his pride a bit that his boyfriend was turning to Kenma for support, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. If this was what Akaashi needed, then that’s fine. Whatever it'll take. He walked away from the apartment every time without bothering the healing boy.

Kenma kept him updated on any progress though, which he appreciated. Bokuto had told Kenma to buy the musician a new piano bench and he would pay him back - the volleyball player had no idea if all the seats were made the same or not. But Kenma told him that even if he did bring a new one, Akaashi wouldn’t be able to play with his wrist, and that he thinks he wouldn’t even want to.

Which may have worried Bokuto even more than the wounds. His boyfriend had always turned to the piano for everything. If he’s avoiding it, then that’s not a good sign. Bokuto urged Kenma to get the man to do something, _anything_ , music related. Nothing to heal a musician’s soul more than music. He sent Kenma almost hourly texts to remind him about it.

Most of his worrying went through Kenma as opposed to bothering Akaashi. His boyfriend had shot him down too many time when he had tried to broach the subject of Akaashi moving - he even went as far to ask him to move in with him, but Akaashi firmly said that they both knew they weren’t ready for that step yet. As much as Bokuto knew it, he didn’t like it. 

Although Akaashi did leave his apartment after the first night and stayed at Kenma’s (the feeling around his own place too fresh), he did eventually go back, determined to stay put in the apartment he put together. Akaashi told his boyfriend that he felt safer already considering the updates Daichi would give him.

After the report against Daishou had been made, Daichi put in a word to the District Attorney. Turns out, once notice got out about his arrest, men and women were coming out of the woodwork to make a statement against him. One of them being the girl that on the outside looked so happy walking down the street outside the rehearsal hall with him. Combined with the textual evidence they have on Daichi’s phone of them broaching the topic of getting a restraining order before this even happened, the DA assured them the man would be behind bars for a long, long time. 

Kuro slapped his oldest friend’s back. “You know, you are allowed to take a break every now and then.”

Bokuto shrugged him off before moving to the leg press machine and setting the weight. “If I take a break, then I’m left with my own thoughts, and my thoughts are that I’m a fucking asshole for not being there sooner.”

Sagging, Kuro trailed him and leaned against the weight bracket. “You _know_ it’s not your fault. And _Akaashi_ knows it’s not your fault. No one could’ve known that he would’ve plotted to figure out where he lived.”

Bokuto grunted as he pushed his legs up. It felt like the door underneath his feet. “Yeah well, maybe if I didn’t spend so much time at practice then I would’ve been there.”

“Woah woah woah,” Kuro put his hand on Bokuto’s shin and held him down, stopping him from continuing the rep. “Bokuto, you cannot blame this on yourself. You can’t try and make up some excuse so that you feel better about it. What happened was terrible, but you should be focusing on how you stopped it when you did, and that nothing worse happened. Don’t try to attack your job as if you don’t love it.”

Relaxing his muscles, Bokuto sat up and swung his legs over as he bowed his head. His voice sounded like a lost child. “I just can’t stop thinking about it, Kuro. I can't get that image out of my head.”

“I know,” he said, patting his head. “But that’s why I think you need to take a break. Why don’t we go out, watch a movie or something, go to the club, anything.”

“You expect me to go out to a club and have fun while my boyfriend is trying to come back from being attacked?”

His roommate sighed, expecting the answer. “Fine. Then just...come to dinner with the rest of the guys tonight? You have to eat, don’t you?”

“There’s a thing called ‘food at home’.”

Kuro glared before he dug his phone out, swiping at it to pull up his messages. He hadn’t wanted to resort to this, but he didn’t know what else to do to convince his best friend. He held the phone out so Bokuto could look at it. 

**From Akaashi**

_Tell Bokuto to stop thinking about it. I’m fine._

Bokuto cocked his eyebrow. “Yeah, like that really convinces me that he’s _actually_ fine.”

“Bo," he said, pocketing his phone, "If you don’t keep living your life, then you’re letting that asshat win. Think about it.”

Which is how Bokuto found himself sitting stiffly at one of the booths the team had commandeered at a restaurant later that night. Everyone was milling around, laughing and drinking with one another. Food plates were all over the three tables they reserved. Everything looked great, but it just didn’t feel right that he was there without his boyfriend. 

The team was doing the best they could, each covering Bokuto’s drinks as they tried to get him to take his mind off of it.

Oikawa plopped down next to him after they had no success. “Did I ever tell you about the time I had my first knee injury?”

Bokuto stared at him. “Um, no?”

The setter swirled the straw in his cup, his face lacking its usual bravado. “It was in high school. Our second year.” He looked over at Iwaizumi, laughing with Atsumu. “I was so distraught. Absolutely rampant, yelling at the world. Iwa-chan did everything he could to try and calm me down before he realized I just had to get it out of my system. Had to let all that anger and despair fall out of me until I could think clearly. It was how I needed to cope with it.”

He took a sip of his drink, gripping the glass tighter. “But by the time he realized it, Iwa was losing his cool. He was so afraid. Especially when I went to physical therapy the first time. He was breaking right in front of me and it got so bad, that I slapped him in the face leaving the building and said he was never allowed to come to my appointments again. He was so hurt.” He sucked in heavily as if still feeling sorry for doing that. “But I realized that seeing Iwa-chan scared, was harder than facing my knee myself. Because that boy was, and always will be, my rock. If he crumbles, I crumble. Poor guy. I put a lot of pressure on him. But he knows that I _need_ him to be strong for the both of us. And I think that’s what Akaashi needs from you.”

The brown haired man looked at his teammate. “I know this is a completely different situation. But you need to figure out what Akaashi needs to cope, it’s probably not screaming like I use, and for fucks sake _stop breaking._ Because if he knows you’re falling apart, then how the hell is he supposed to stay together?”

Bokuto’s mouth was agape. Oikawa never liked to be serious about his personal life, let alone his injury. His heart clenched. And he realized he was right. If Bokuto wasn’t able to be strong for Akaashi, then how the hell could he look him in the eye ever again? He’s spent too much time walking on broken glass. Akaashi needed him. And it was about time he was.

He nodded to Oikawa, the setter tapping his hand over Bokuto’s before getting up to hug Iwaizumi from behind. 

Bokuto chugged the rest of his drink.

Kuro smiled as he watched. 

————  
  


“You know,” Kenma mused, “Last time it really helped when you went all in on your end of year assignments. Don’t you want to play again? Even just scales on your left hand?”

Akaashi glanced to the piano from where he was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed. “Not really.”

“So, what, you’re never going to play again?”

“I’ll play when I’m ready,” he murmured.

  
  
Kenma chewed on his lip, his mind racing to the nonstop messages Bokuto kept sending him. They both knew that if Akaashi kept this bottled up, he wasn’t going to be able to recover. And while the aching boy had started out so strongly, he flipped each day as to how he held himself.

The couch shifting sounded next to him, he watched as Akaashi got up and maneuvered to the sink, washing some of the dishes in there.

“I can do that for you, Kaashi,” he said, getting up and following him. He started to reach for a dish.

Jerking away, “I can do it myself, Kenma!” he protested.

Kenma held his hands up in surrender. But there was a different edge to how Akaashi yelled, different since the events of that night. The slight pitch in tone pinged in the DJ’s ear. Since nothing else had worked yet, he decided to poke the bear.

He stood firm. “Can you? Because all I’ve seen you do for the past three weeks is wallow in your self pity.”

“Seems like a common theme around here.”

“No one’s pitying you, Akaashi!” he shot back. “The only one that’s hurting you, is yourself. And you _need_ to fight back.”

“I can’t fight back, Kenma!”

“Why not!”

“Because who am I anymore!” he yelled, his breath picking up more. His hands waved around. “How can I fight back when it feels like everything that I’ve built up is coming crashing down. That I can’t even picture myself happy anymore. That I feel so cut off. Just like he wanted! He won,” he conceded.

Kenma shook his head. “He hasn’t won anything, Kaashi. You have so many people that love you. That’s something he’ll never have. You’re still the kickass, passionate, person you’ve always been. That will never change.”

Akaashi’s mouth was pressed into a line, his eyes squeezing shut. “He’s ruining my life. My relationship,” he whimpered.

“No,” Kenma assured. “Bokuto is not giving up on you. He loves you.”

Placing the dish in his hands down, Akaashi gripped the counter, huffing. “Ironic that this is happening as soon as I'm happy.” The musician sucked in a breath as his head hung. “That…felt good. To get off my chest. Thank you, Kenma.”

“Good. Because I think you just found the basis for your next song.”

The statement lingered. Akaashi gazed up through his eyelashes.

“I need another favor, Kenma.”

\--------------------

**To Akaashi ( ＾∀＾ )  
**

_Just saw a dog that looked like a cross between Kageyama and Atsumu. Look._

**From Akaashi ( ＾∀＾ )  
**

_Oh my god, I’ve never seen anything more glorious_

Bokuto smiled. After his talk with Oikawa, he bucked up. His boyfriend needed him right now. And while Akaashi still hasn’t asked for him to come over, Bokuto decided he wasn’t going to leave him alone anymore. He knew Akaashi like the back of his hand by now. Even if Akaashi responded with one word answers, he was going to keep conversation going until he knew his boyfriend was asleep. If he wants to be alone physically, that’s fine. But Akaashi will never _feel_ alone so long that Bokuto was around. 

Their conversations were finally ramping up again after two more weeks, Akaashi writing longer sentences and being more engaged in the topic. Bokuto’s heart burned at his precious boy coming back to life. 

His eyes widened when he saw his phone light up with a call. 

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“K-Kaashi. Is everything ok?” he asked, immediately assuming the worst. 

The slight ringing of Akaashi’s chuckle bounced from ear to ear. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”

Bokuto bit his lip and tried not to cry. “I miss you too, Akaashi.”

“I heard Kenma’s playing tonight. Are you going?”

Bokuto stared at the ceiling in his room, “I don’t know, baby, it wouldn’t feel right without you.”

“Bo, you’re allowed to have fun,” he assured. “Plus…I was thinking I might stop by.”

Bokuto bolted up from his bed so fast, he almost choked on air. “Kaashi, are you sure? I mean, if you’re ready to start seeing people, you and I can just do something-”

“No, no I-” a deep breath sounded through the phone, “I think I just need to jump back into it. I’m fine.”

“Akaashi...”

“Bo, I’m ok. I promise. I’ve…had some time to pull myself together. And,” his voice got soft, “I don’t think I ever thanked you. So, thank you. For saving me.”

Bokuto’s mouth gaped, his heart cracking. “You don’t have to thank me, Akaashi. Not for that. I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.”

“Nuh uh,” Bokuto could envision the exact way his boyfriend was shaking his head, “We’re not going there, there’s already enough to process as is. I’m not...fully back together, but I will be. I have you after all, don’t I?”

Lips turning up, “Yeah, Kaashi, you do," Bokuto responded. "Always.”

“Good,” he whispered. “So…maybe I’ll see you there tonight?”

Bokuto stayed frozen to his bed for a long while after they hung up, even after sending a text to his boyfriend saying it’s alright if he changes his mind. 

He wouldn’t put it past the pianist to just say that he was going so that Bokuto would go and have fun. Either way, his heart felt a little bit brighter than it did earlier that day. 

——————-

“There’s no way. Polar bears are way fiercer than gorillas, and that’s just science.”

“Um, if you think that, then you clearly didn’t pass high school.”

“Oi, how about you both stop being nerds,” Iwaizumi shouted over Oikawa and Kogane, putting his arms in between them to push them apart. 

“You would think they were already drunk,” Kuro laughed as he and Bokuto stood watching them. 

Bokuto felt lighter, he still had Akaashi on the edge of his mind with every turn, but he felt like a bit of weight had been taken off his shoulders. But every time he recalled that night, he would fall back down, because it’s not like he was the one that got attacked. 

He kept his eye out for the pianist. He had kept asking if he wanted Bokuto to pick him up, but Akaashi was still deciding if he wanted to go or not. So Bokuto didn’t press him. 

He was in the middle of a heated debate with Kuro over who _would_ actually win that polar bear versus gorilla fight, when Oikawa inclined his head, gesturing behind Bokuto. 

He turned. Akaashi was weaving through the crowd from the entrance, Daichi and Suga behind him a bit, walking slowly and avoiding touching anyone. Seeing him navigate towards the group, Bokuto wordlessly handed his drink to Kuro and pushed through to meet him. 

“Kaashi,” he whispered when they finally met up. 

The lights were bouncing off his face, his blue eyes timidly glancing around, but he still gingerly took Bokuto’s hand in his. Just that much. 

“Hey,” he gave a soft smile. 

“Hey.”

And then Bokuto’s heart burst. Because Akaashi brought his hands up and wrapped them around his neck, hugging him tightly, the weight of the arm brace digging into his neck. He heard Akaashi sigh. 

“I missed you,” Akaashi whispered. 

Bokuto bit his lip, breathing in Akaashi’s scent as he slowly brought his arms up, placing them high on Akaashi’s back. He rubbed his temple against the top of the smaller man's head. 

“Thank God,” he mumbled, holding him there. In the midst of the noisy and crowded club, everything melted away as he stood there holding his whole heart. 

Akaashi pulled back, looking at him with wide eyes. “I’m ok. I just...needed some time, sorry.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “And I needed to get some work done.”

“Don’t apologize.” Bokuto furrowed his eyebrows, taking in the yellowing marks on his boyfriend’s neck. “Work?”

Akaashi nodded. “From this point on, I’m not gonna let something like him define me. He could try all he wants, but I’m not the same weak person he preyed on, no matter what he thinks. I didn’t go through all that in the past just to crumble like I used to. He did a number on me but, I’m a bit stronger than I used to be.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “because I have you to help me.”

Returning the overwhelming emotion, Bokuto gently hugged him again, trying not to overstep his boundaries or shock him, but not able to be away from him for one more second. 

“So how did you get work done though, I thought Yachi was covering for you? You work on your arrangement?”

Akaashi shrugged. “Something like that.”

He tugged on Bokuto’s hand and led him back to the group, Daichi and Suga already by the table after bringing him to the club. Everyone greeted him eagerly, no one touching him except for Oikawa, who shamelessly wrapped him in a hug and whispered something in his ear before patting him on the back and handing him a shot. Once Akaashi threw it back, the tension popped and everyone released a breath. 

They were a few drinks in, everyone talking over one another catching Akaashi up. Talking about how coach made them all do extra diving laps when Hinata and Kageyama got caught making out in the storage room. And how Kuro got himself completely tangled in a downed net when he was trying to save a high ball. Bokuto stared at his boyfriend as he listened. Here was his whole world finally shining a little bit again. He made eye contact with Oikawa, who held his drink up in a salute.

The song changed, Kenma looped the intro as he lowered the volume and spoke into the mic. “For all the people who are here every week, you may remember a guy who comes up and helps me sometimes.”

A cheer went up through the crowd as the regulars remembered Akaashi’s mixes with the DJ. “He’s not gonna be up here tonight, but he does have a new song that we threw together recently. Here it is.”

Bokuto looked at Akaashi while the smaller man looped an arm around his waist. He looked up at him smugly. “An annoying little someone told Kenma to get me to turn to music. I-I couldn’t play piano but, like I told you, I did some work. I had to rely on Yachi and Kenma, but writing it allowed me to remember who I am.”

‘Last time I checked, You're the one that left  
Last words you said, That you couldn't care less’

Now it made sense why he had seen Kenma take equipment over there. He figured Kenma just had things to do while he watched Akaashi....

‘It's funny how you miss me more than you could ever love me  
How you couldn't give me everything and now you want it from me  
Yeah, it's funny how it's different now that I got somebody’

Akaashi squeezed Bokuto’s waist before standing a bit more in front of him, staring at him as they listened to the words flood over them. Bokuto didn’t know what to do with his hands, so afraid of messing up. Akaashi finally reached down and took them both in his, placing them gently on his hips. He leaned in closer.

“I know you’re not going to hurt me, Bo,” he reassured. “I can’t promise you I’ll be one hundred percent up to speed right away, but I can do this much.”

That was more than enough for Bokuto. He kissed his forehead, barely putting any pressure onto his hips as they swayed slightly. Akaashi placed a hand on the back of Bokuto’s head, rubbing his fingers through his hair. The volleyball player leaned forward, setting his forehead against Akaashi’s. 

‘Yeah, it's funny how you're calling, couldn't answer if I wanted  
'Cause his lips are on my lips and both my hands are on his body  
Yeah it's funny how it's different now that I got somebody  
Yeah it's funny’

“Thank you, Bo.”

The taller man pulled back, his eyes squinting in confusion.

“For loving me so much,” Akaashi said, his eyes filled with a thousand emotions, the lights highlighting every streak in them, “For reminding me that I wasn’t by myself this time. For knowing what I needed in order to come back to life when I couldn't see it myself.”

There was a sting in the back of Bokuto’s eyes, he swallowed thickly to not break his mask. _Stay strong,_ he chanted. 

“I will _always_ be here for you, Akaashi.”

Akaashi nodded, his mouth moving into a smile as he went onto his toes, closing the distance between them and placing a kiss on Bokuto’s cheek. A small gasp came out of Bokuto’s mouth as he felt the lips. It wasn’t long, connected together for only a second. But as they pulled away, Bokuto knew it was Akaashi’s way of telling him that they would both be ok. Maybe not right away, but they will be.

One day at a time.

Together.

‘Who's laughing now?  
Who's laughing now?  
Ooh’

  
  


[Funny](https://youtu.be/JzpxJcJwDZ0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing isn’t linear!! There will be good days and bad days and the most important thing is to keep going. Keep living. Find your support group. 
> 
> Who’s already tremendously proud of Akaashi because I am and if this isn’t showing how fucking strong he is than idk what is. Mental strength is just as important as physical.
> 
> He's still got a long way to go (both of them do). But they'll be ok.
> 
> Guys I needed to get this chapter out as soon as possible because I was making myself anxious leaving it off on the last chapter for you all.


	37. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final string to Akaashi’s heart broke. He knew his boyfriend was also coming to terms with what happened, but this was the last thing he thought he was thinking about.

After a few days, they went away for a week, both of them thinking it was a good idea to get away from the city for a while.

It was easy for Akaashi to take the time from work - Yachi was able to continue to fill in no problem. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty about Bokuto taking off practice. Everyone understood of course, no one barely even batted an eyelash at Bokuto’s request, but being gone for a whole week was a risk. It’s not like Bokuto could really be replaced that easily, he is the team’s ace after all, but there’s no telling what new, exciting skill, some second stringer has been waiting for the opportunity to show, and Bo just gave them the chance. 

It was all Akaashi could think about as he sat with his hand under his chin on the window sill of the train, watching as the city slowly morphed into the rolling hills of the countryside. 

Bokuto squeezed his other hand lightly from the seat next to him, the wrist brace finally off.

They spent the majority of the ride in content silence, neither one really having anything to say. While Akaashi was having an internal battle, he couldn’t deny that even just by being on the train, seeing the farmland and open valleys had already started to ease the tension in his chest. 

He felt like he had been constricted for the past month without any oxygen to breathe, yet was slowly engulfing in flames from the inside out. But now, he was finally able to release, the fires dimming with each exhale. 

The little inn they were staying at was homey and warm and the lady at the front desk didn’t even lose her smile once at the sight of their intertwined hands. 

She showed them to their room, pulling the sliding door close as she left. 

“My dad told me about this place,” Bokuto said once they were alone, placing their bags down in the corner. 

Akaashi tensed. “Did you...”

“No,” he said firmly. “I didn’t tell them anything. Just that you and I needed to get away and out of the city. But I think from my tone of voice he knew something was up,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

He looked to the side where one of the walls was another sliding panel, already opened to a small porch. He stared at the green country fields it revealed. “He said that he had a coworker who came here almost once a month. They thought it strange because he always went by himself to this secluded place. Did it for years. Then one day, he showed up to work with a ring on his finger and said he was married. To a man. They were meeting here in secret for years because they were scared of coming out. The only one who knew was the innkeeper. Who convinced them everything would be alright. And to just love one another.” He looked at Akaashi. Not an ounce of regret was in his eyes. Only hope. 

Akaashi looked away. 

The silence of the country was a lot to handle for a while, which was really ironic coming from the bustling city, but they adjusted to it and felt both their minds clearing with the time away. It was nice to just be able to sit there without having to worry about running off to rehearsal, or practice, or a lesson. They just sat on the back porch connected to their room, holding hands in silence, looking out on all the colors of the world as the wind softly shifted their hair. 

They ate warm and home cooked meals. There were a few restaurants in the small town that the innkeeper recommended, but she insisted that she make the majority of their dinners. So they would grab lunch in town during the day, spend some time exploring, and head back to the inn to clean up before meeting in the small kitchen.

The innkeeper’s name was Shiho. She was much shorter than both the two men and she had wrinkles all over her forehead and around her mouth. “Beauty lines,” she would repeat. Her gray hair was always twisted into a low bun and her hands were as nimble as a seamstress’. 

She never once pried into their lives, let them initiate any personal stories. She took the pressure off of them to fill the quiet by recounting tales of her own life. How she was a little girl when her parents died and her grandmother took her in. How the inn had been in her family for years. And how she lost her husband in the war. 

She invited the few other members in the inn to cook meals with her, but it seemed like they all had their own plans. There was a young couple that came down to help on their first night, and two old couples the second, but by the third night, it was just Bokuto and Akaashi that joined the host in making and eating dinner.

Bokuto smiled as Akaashi got covered in flour from the bread she was teaching him to make, Akaashi laughing carefreely as he bickered with her about her techniques. It was all in good heart, and they could tell the lady loved their company. 

Each meal was like a blanket for the heart, filling them with comfort and serenity. A warmth that they needed as they reacquainted themselves with each other.

Bokuto hadn’t initiated anything since Akaashi showed up at the club, acutely aware of any fear and trauma that could come with it. They spent their first night at the inn just holding hands while facing each other, Akaashi squeezing Bokuto’s hand at random times so tightly, he thought he lost circulation for a while. But he didn’t make a single noise at the sensation, just let Akaashi hold it as his anchor for as long as he wanted. 

Akaashi would kiss him more since that night, small pecks to begin with and slowly to the point of heated sessions that had Bokuto harder than a boulder, but it would always end with Akaashi pulling away, breathing heavily and looking into Bokuto’s eyes with hesitation. Bokuto never once made any adjustments to his pants, didn’t need Akaashi to know how much he wanted him. 

But by their fourth night, it was like the time away had Akaashi rejuvenated. He pulled Bokuto in tight after they got back to their room and kissed him with an intensity that honestly made Bokuto’s knees buckle.

The musician had slowly shed his shirt, Bokuto’s breath hitching at the sight of the porcelain skin shining against the moonlight, finally healed. They went slowly, peeling off their clothes one at a time. But when it came to the point of Bokuto sitting between Akaashi’s legs and about to start touching him, Akaashi started hyperventilating and shaking. Bokuto immediately stopped, pulling clothes on the both of them quicker than Akaashi could even start apologizing. The taller man scooped him up and cradled his head into the crook of his neck, his heart breaking as Akaashi shook against him, trying to steady his breathing. 

He spent the night whispering into Akaashi’s ear about how much he loved him no matter what, Akaashi’s breathing finally evening out as he fell asleep clutching Bokuto’s shirt.

Bokuto stayed awake, staring at the ceiling long into the night.

—————-

Zero sleep had come to him at all that night. His mind was tearing itself apart. He was completely distraught and was finally breaking apart at holding everything in. He had been fighting so long, trying to stay strong for his boyfriend because who the hell was he to be in such pain when it was his sweet boyfriend really taking the brunt of everything. But every whimper Akaashi made in his sleep was a crack to his heart, and feeling his shaking body against him was the last bit to break open the dam.

Because the entire time, ever since _it_ happened, he just kept thinking about every single night that they've ever spent together. 

He was quiet that entire morning, barely eating anything and just moving the eggs around in his plate. He didn’t even ask Akaashi if they could get some of the takoyaki in town that had become a quick obsession with them. It didn’t go unnoticed by his boyfriend who was worried the man was getting sick when seeing how pale he looked. But when he found the courage to ask a bit later, Bokuto merely said he was fine and continued pulling Akaashi along as they went on a long walk. 

They sat on a hill by a huge oak tree overlooking the valley, munching on some snacks that Shiho gave them. The silence of his usually steadfast and giddy boyfriend was too much. A million thoughts were running through Akaashi’s mind at the change in behavior, all of them not doing his wounded heart any good. Akaashi couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Are you regretting this?” he finally asked, fear already setting in. “Is this too much to handle…”

Bokuto’s eyes mimicked an owl’s. “What? No, of course not.”

“Then why do you look like you’re watching your dog die,” Akaashi refuted.

Bokuto stared at him before shifting his gaze, not looking him in the eye as his face fell. “Akaashi, I don’t think now is the right time-”

“Then when else?” He leaned forward, getting into Bokuto’s line of sight. “Stop treating me like I’m made of glass and tell me what’s wrong.”

Chest expanding, Bokuto bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. He needed the pain to force him to stop hiding. “Why did you never say anything,” he whispered through clenched teeth. “Why did you let me...be that way with you?”

Akaashi frowned, confused. “Be what way?”

Bokuto’s voice raised a bit, unable to stop the flood of his emotions. “Why did you let me sleep with you? Every time I-I handled you rough, or pushed you up against walls, why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like it, I’m-I’m so sorry.” He put his head between his knees, gasping as he tried to calm his heart rate. 

Akaashi was stunned, his whole body prickling at seeing Bokuto break like this. “Bo, it wasn’t like that-”

“I’m no better than him!” he wheezed, gasps flying out. “I would’ve never pushed you so far if I had known, I’m so sorry.”

The final string to Akaashi’s heart broke. He knew his boyfriend was also coming to terms with what happened, but this was the last thing he thought he was thinking about. He shifted forward, gently taking Bokuto’s hands off his knees and raising his head. 

“Look at me,” he said. The man kept his eyes to the ground. “Bo, look at me.” Empty golden eyes shifted up to meet the blue ones. 

Akaashi held tight onto his face. “I _never_ once felt like I was in danger with you. I never felt any fear in what we did.” He looked at the sky, eyes squinting as he thought back, “Well, in the beginning I did obviously, but Bo, I have never trusted anyone in my life more than you. You never pressured me when I wasn’t ready. You have always, _always,_ put my needs before yours, and you always asked, Bo. You never took, you only gave.” 

He rubbed the damp cheeks with his thumbs. “I have loved _every_ night I’ve spent with you.” He blushed, “You’ve made me feel pretty freaking fantastic. And you hold me like I’m a treasure. Don’t ever think I never wanted what you gave. You’re not him. By no means. Ok?”

Bokuto’s lips were still trembling, his eyebrows turned in. Akaashi kissed him softly, leaning their foreheads together after pulling away. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you more than anything, Kaashi,” Bokuto whimpered, his eyes still teary and threatening to pour.

They stayed on that hill for a long while, just holding each other, strings re-knitting and their hearts re-syncing as one again. 

————-

Bokuto was too antsy the next morning. Now that he had hit and gotten past the remorse and denial part of grief, he was just so pissed. Pissed that there were such disgusting people. Pissed at the world for putting Akaashi in the life he was in. And most of all, pissed at himself for not knowing how to help more.

He unwound his arms from Akaashi in the early morning, feeling bad that his boyfriend would wake up alone, but he had to go on a run. Had to burn off some of the anger. He scribbled on a piece of paper that he’d be back in an hour and placed it on the pillow next to the sleeping man before grabbing his sneakers and quietly sliding the door closed behind him. 

He ran as hard as he could. Pumped his arms hard and fast and didn’t stop even when he felt the burn in his chest threatening to cause him to pass out.

He finally stopped once he found the dead end on top of a steep hill. He was well away from the town now, a few miles at least, the early sun just now peaking over the horizon.

He panted, staring out into the mountains. 

And he let out an agonizing scream that reverberated off the hills. 

———————————

Akaashi was sitting on the back porch when he got back, the sunlight causing small sunbeams to stream across his body. The wind gently tussled his raven hair. He was holding a steaming cup of tea, a blanket from the bed wrapped around his body.

Bokuto softly padded into the room, dumping his sneakers by his bag and going out to sit next to him. 

“How was your run?”

Bokuto shrugged as he sat, staring out into the distance where Akaashi was looking. “Good. Needed.”

Humming in acknowledgment, Akaashi took a sip of his drink. He looked better, his face a bit fuller, his eyes a little brighter. Even though there was still hesitation in his demeanor, Bokuto couldn't help but be relieved that the time away seemed to have done them both some good. 

He stretched his arms out. “We could extend the trip, you know.”

Akaashi didn’t look over at him. 

Bokuto continued, “I’m sure Shiho wouldn’t mind. Take a few more days to unwind.”

He couldn’t tell if Akaashi was even hearing anything he said. He kept quiet, letting the offer linger in the air. 

“I wanna go home,” Akaashi finally said. “I miss playing.”

Bokuto nodded. 

“Shiho saw you leave this morning. She came to talk to me.”

Bokuto’s head tilted, his eyes questioning. 

Taking a breath, “She said the same thing actually,” Akaashi clarified. “That we were more than welcomed to stay. For a second I was inclined to accept.” 

He squinted as he kept looking forward. “But then we somehow started talking about when her husband died. Said she had never been to a darker place. And that she ran. Trying to find something to anchor herself to without him. But everywhere she went, she just felt more alone. And she realized she was losing herself as well as her husband. So she came back. Stopped running, did what she loved and managed the inn. And found herself not as lonely anymore with all the people she met.”

He turned, looking at Bokuto. The sun hitting his eyes made them look like crystals. “Don’t get me wrong this...this was very much needed. But it’s not us. Not reality. I’m afraid you might have a coronary if you’re away from volleyball any longer.”

“That’s not-”

“Bo,” he cut him off, a soft smile on his face. “I know you better than that.”

Bokuto sagged, locking his fingers together and leaning on his knees. He sighed, looking ahead. “What do you need from me, Akaashi. When we get back, how can I...how can I help you?”

The wind picked up and ruffled Akaashi’s hair as he shuffled a bit, eyes going to the floor and his shoulders going up and down. “I’m not really sure. I’m sorry.”

“Ok. That’s fair,” Bokuto nodded, turning his head to look at him. “But Akaashi...”

The pianist glanced up at him, uncertainty rimming his lids.

There was a heart-clenching admiration in his golden eyes, determined and solid as Bokuto grinned. “I’m not running away from you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Akaashi smiled. A real, bright, and huge smile. It was the most glorious sight Bokuto had ever seen.

“Then let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beautiful baby boys. So much pain yet hope in one chapter.
> 
> One of my shorter chapters but Bo had to heal too 😭
> 
> Question: do y’all ever follow authors on Twitter because I’m tempted to make an account for this and either way at least I can talk to myself while I write lol. Edit: I did it. I didn’t even wait for yalls responses. Come chat we me or tell me good bokuaka accounts to follow @forgot_star


	38. Sauce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So he decided to do something that could very well end up with Akaashi breaking up with him. But he just couldn’t stand by and watch his boyfriend’s heart break any more, he didn’t deserve it.

Life slowly returned to normal. They had gone back home, promising Shiho that they’d be back in the future. 

And they pieced their lives back together. 

Routine was good. It allowed Akaashi to get back into a rhythm. He went to rehearsal, pushed himself so he got caught up on missed pieces. Slowly started bringing his students back in for lessons, apologizing and saying he had a family emergency. Nobody even cared. Akaashi was too good at what he did for them to be angry. 

Bokuto went back to practice. He tried not to be overbearing, tried not to smother Akaashi by being too much. And he slowly released a hold and found himself able to go through full practices without worrying _too_ much about his boyfriend. 

Touches were still minimal though, which didn’t bother Bokuto one bit. As long as he saw Akaashi starting to smile more, he was more than content with the brief make-out sessions. It was like they had just started dating again, relearning each other's bodies and what made them tick besides the sensation of going all the way. 

Akaashi was getting more handsy though, which while was another good sign, was _extremely_ hard for Bokuto to bite back urges. Bokuto nearly lost it when after so much time, the pianist with his nimble hands had slid one down to rub Bokuto over his pants. 

“Devil,” he had mumbled against his lips. 

“I live to keep you on your toes,” Akaashi said back into his mouth with a smirk. 

They went on dates, and outings with their friends. They went to dinner parties with Suga and Daichi, and watched the couple’s new German Sheperd puppy a few nights, and they talked about when they should visit Bokuto’s parents again. 

The day that Akaashi slept soundly through the night without clinging to Bokuto more than the normal cuddling, Bokuto nearly cried tears of joy. 

It took time, months, but together, they got through it. 

Akaashi went to Bokuto’s games, sitting in the stands with Kenma as they cheered them on. Olympic trials would be starting at the end of spring. Each game until then was just as important. People still kept coming up to ask if he was Japan’s ace’s boyfriend, to which sometimes he would pretend he wasn’t even rooting for Japan or had even heard of Bokuto, and sometimes he would just be so overwhelmed with love that he would grin proudly and say yes.

They cheered as Bokuto slammed the ball into the ground on the other side of the net. The volleyball player pumped his fist, kissing his fingers and pointing up to the raven haired man in the stands. 

Akaashi blushed, shaking his head adoringly every time. 

Japan won 3-2 against Italy in a hard battle. The ace wrapped his arm around Akaashi’s shoulder as he exited the gym. 

Making an unreal and lackluster effort to push him off, “Ugh, God Bo, you’re so sweaty,” Akaashi chided.

He pulled him in closer. “Don’t act like you don’t like it,” Bokuto said smugly. 

“Not when you smell like a shit-house,” he said back through a smile. 

Bokuto laughed but released him, grabbing his hand instead.

Kuro turned around. “Midafternoon lunch?”

“Actually,” Kenma jumped in, “Akaashi and I have to head to the studio. Need to finish the last few songs for the album.”

Both Bokuto and Kuro pouted. 

The two shorter boys crossed their arms. “Are we dating two year olds?” Akaashi leaned a bit to ask him. 

“Yeah, I think we are,” Kenma replied. 

Grinning, Akaashi went up and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, not caring about the sweat anymore. He kissed him. “Dinner tonight?”

Bokuto hummed, his arms going around the other’s waist. “Can we make that recipe I found the other night?”

“Mmm, _you_ can make that recipe you found the other night. Imma just watch and enjoy the show,” Akaashi smiled. 

Bokuto chuckled, leaning down to kiss him again, murmuring against his lips, “Fine by me.”

“Alright, alright that’s enough, stop being gross,” Kuro interrupted, although he wouldn’t deny he said it unconvincingly.

“Kuro, you and Kenma were literally sucking each other’s faces off in the middle of the restaurant last week. We’re lucky you both don’t have an exhibition fetish,” Akaashi said, pulling away. 

“Who says we don’t,” the man winked. 

The musician laughed, waving them off before walking towards the recording studio with Kenma. 

They had walked a few paces away, Akaashi putting his hands in his pockets against the October air. 

“Do you really have an exhibition fetish?” Akaashi asked. 

Kenma shrugged with a slight smirk. “I wouldn’t say no.”

—————————-

Akaashi opened his front door, pots were clanging around in his kitchen.

“Baby, I’m home!” he sung out. 

Bokuto came around the corner with a jolt, a pan in each hand and an apron on. “You called me baby!” he exclaimed, surprised.

Raising an eyebrow as he took his shoes off, “I was more like just mocking you?” Akaashi remarked.

Bokuto pouted. 

“But I guess I’ll have to use it more if you like it that much,” he grinned. 

Bokuto stood there thinking it over, his eyes squinting in concentration. “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “I kinda like it being just for you.” 

“And I do kinda like hearing you call me it,” Akaashi smirked, walking up and going up on his toes to kiss the taller man. “Now what are you doing to my kitchen,” he laughed. There were ingredients covering every inch of counter space, a pot already heating up on the stove and items chopped on a board. 

“Sh, sh,” Bokuto said, putting a finger to Akaashi’s lips. He was careful not to wham the boy in the head with the pan he was holding. “It’s going to be delicious.”

Kissing the finger against his mouth, Akaashi chuckled and moved to drop his phone and keys onto the island. Bokuto went back to the stove, placing pans down and restarting to throw ingredients into them. The apartment started to waft with glorious smells.

Seeing his boyfriend stand at his stove, a hand towel draped over his shoulder and whistling, everything just felt so…domestic. Akaashi couldn’t help himself from going up and wrapping his arms around Bokuto’s waist. 

“Gah, babe! You’re gonna make me burn the sauce!”

Akaashi took a quick second to nuzzle against the volleyball player’s strong back before kissing his shoulder and taking his arms away. “Geez, fine, don’t love me then.”

Looking over his shoulder, Bokuto looked like a lost puppy, his hand still stirring the sauce in the pan. “Kaaaasshii, it’s very delicate, if I leave it for a second it could curdle!”

“A man of many talents you are, Bo,” Akaashi smiled. “Fine then, you ok if I go shower?”

“Yeah, go for it. You’ll be less of a distraction.”

“Ouchhh, we’ll see if you say that when I come out without a towel on.”

The man nearly lost his concentration, his hand freezing for a moment as he stared wide eyed at his boyfriend.

Akaashi grinned. “Your sauce, Bo,” he mimicked as he walked to the bathroom. 

He cursed and started stirring again. “Wait, babe, really? Really?!” he called out again, trying to get an answer through the closed door. 

“Just make your food, Bo!” Akaashi responded and started the water. 

Grumbling, he went back to his work. He kept a constant eye on the sauce pot as he used his other hand to start putting vegetables and chicken into the wok, flipping the pan by its handle to mix it as it started sizzling. 

Vibrating came from behind him. He looked over his shoulder. Akaashi’s phone was lighting up with a call. 

“Kaashi! Your phone’s ringing!”

“Then answer it!” he called back. 

“But my pots! I have no hands!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be coordinated? Put the phone on your shoulder! I’ll be out in a second!”

Bokuto huffed and let go of the pan for _just a second_ to reach over and grab Akaashi’s phone, hitting accept quickly to put the phone in between his ear and his shoulder to use his hands again. 

“Yello, Akaashi’s phone.”

“...........Who is this,” a female voice asked. “Why are you answering my son’s phone?”

Bokuto really did forget about the food that time, went completely out the window. His eyes widened as his jaw went slack, his hands no longer moving. “Uh......um...”

“Bo?” Akaashi came out of the bathroom and threw on a shirt, much to Bokuto’s dismay even as he stood there frozen. “Who is it, who’s on the phone?” He held his hand out. 

Bokuto held the mouth piece. “It’s your mom,” he half-whispered, half-mouthed, still one hundred percent stunned. 

Akaashi’s face mimicked Bokuto’s. 

“Oh, fuck.”

—————————

Of all calls that Bokuto could answer. 

Akaashi had the phone and was talking by the piano. 

Bokuto had turned all the burners off (his sauce still safe, luckily), and was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, looking at the ground as he tried to piece together the conversation through just Akaashi’s responses. 

Akaashi and his parents don’t talk. Bokuto’s not stupid. He knows how shitty they treated him when he was younger, and still even now. So why all of a sudden was she calling him?

“So what does that have to do with me,” Akaashi asked, pacing slightly. “Well I don’t really care,” he said after a pause. He stopped, straightening a bit. “You know who it was then.” He glanced at Bokuto, turning back away to face the windows. “If I go, he goes.” Another pause. “That wasn’t a debate mom, that was a matter of fact,” he responded, his voice getting slightly louder. “Then don’t expect me to come at all when you two haven’t bothered to come to a single one of my concerts. Bye, mom. Call me if you change your mind.”

He hung up, tossing the phone onto the window ledge as he put his hands on his hips and hung his head. Bokuto heard him sigh. 

“Everything ok?”

Akaashi stayed as he was for a moment, turning around in a huff to respond. “My dad is retiring and his coworkers are throwing a big sendoff party for him. My mom said I have to go.”

Bokuto nodded, his arms still crossed over his chest. “So when do you leave?”

Akaashi shook his head. “You heard what I said, if I go, you go. She obviously didn’t like that.”

“I could just be a friend, she doesn’t know.”

Running his hand through his hair, “My aunt showed her the video of you saying it during your interview,” he said. “I think she was actually tying to help, trying to convince my mom that it’s done, just accept it.”

“And did she?”

Akaashi deadpanned at him. “What do you think?”

Bokuto sighed, pushing off the counter and walking towards his boyfriend. He rubbed down his arms. “I think you should go.”

“What?”

The volleyball player hung his head a bit. “I don’t want to be the cause of you not patching things up with your parents. I’m fine not going.”

Akaashi looked taken back. “Patching things up? No.” He shook his hands off of him. 

“Kaashi, come on...”

“No! They don’t get to tell me how to live my life. They haven’t given a rat’s ass about me and all of a sudden, they want me to play happy family? When they won’t even acknowledge you? No, I refuse.”

Akaashi was pacing around the apartment, biting on a fingernail. Bokuto stood still, watching him think it out. He stopped finally. 

“I’m not going without you. That’s end of story,” he mumbled, walking closer to his boyfriend. “You are everything to me. And if they can’t accept that, then I’d choose you over them any day.”

Bokuto let out a gasp, his eyes going soft as he cupped Akaashi’s cheek. “Kaashi....they're your family.”

The boy glanced away, still standing in Bokuto’s embrace. “I won’t deny that it hurts. I-I want to make up with them, but Bo, they just can’t see pass this,” he gestured between the two of them. “They think I’m some disgusting homosexual, starving musician, that’s ruining their name.”

“Then invite them to the concert coming up. You said it’s not that far from where you grew up.”

He cupped Bokuto’s face gently, speaking slowly and articulating each word. “They-wouldn’t-come.”

Backing away, he headed towards the kitchen. “You think I haven’t invited them before? They never come. Plus, your family is going, how awkward would that be. Now, how about you come over here so I can watch your sexy ass in that apron cook. Unless, you _want_ me to burn everything I touch?”

Bokuto sighed for the hundredth time that night, but grudgingly let it go for now. 

“Don’t you fucking touch it.”

——————-

He didn’t try to broach the subject again until a week later. 

Akaashi forcibly shut him down just the same. 

He could tell how much it pained his boyfriend. He doesn’t hear Akaashi raise his voice often, yet at the mere discussion of him trying to work things out with his family, his voice went up by two decibels. 

Akaashi had gotten his hopes up too many times, he said. Each time, they lured him back with some excuse of change only for it to be exactly the same. ‘What are you doing with your life,’ ‘How is playing piano going to get you anywhere,’ ‘This isn’t a real career,’ ‘Go find a wife.’

But Bokuto just _knew_ if his parents could just hear him play, see how much he commands the stage, then they would think twice about the career comments. At least that’s one thing they could get off Akaashi’s back about. The other thing.....well, Bokuto couldn’t really fix that now could he. 

So he decided to do something that could very well end up with Akaashi breaking up with him. But he just couldn’t stand by and watch his boyfriend’s heart break any more, he didn’t deserve it. 

They had gone to the park to play a pick up game of volleyball with the team, the last game they’d be able to get in outside as the weather got too cold. As always, it ended in everyone just laughing and throwing sand at each other. Bokuto couldn’t help but think about the first time he had gotten Akaashi to play with him. And what happened after. 

That obviously wasn’t going to happen this time. Akaashi has come a long way, but he was still holding back, Bokuto couldn’t tell if it was because of him or what. Either way, he gave his boyfriend his space while he took a shower. 

Which was exactly what he had anticipated. 

He turned Akaashi’s phone around in his hand. _Fuck, was he really going to do this?_ Nothing will probably come out of it anyway. 

He unlocked it. Scrolling through the contact list and pressing call. 

It rang a few times. He thought it would just go to voicemail. But a voice picked up on the second to last ring. 

“Calling to apologize and to say you’re coming?”

Bokuto’s heart nearly jumped out of his throat from fear. “Ak-” he stuttered. He cleared his throat. “Akaashi-sama, my name is Bokuto Koutarou. I’m...I’m dating your son.”

There was no sound on the other line. Bokuto had to look at the screen to see if she had hung up. 

“Presumptuous of you to be calling me. What did Keiji expect to get out of you speaking with me?”

Bokuto looked towards the bathroom door. “He actually doesn’t know.”

Another pause. “So, no regards for personal possessions or privacy, my son sure does know how to pick them.”

Bokuto dug his nails into his palms. “Akaashi-sama, I’m calling to convince you both to come to a concert that your son will be playing in.”

“I don’t need to resort myself to listening to some second-rate performance.”

He wanted to punch something. “Do you not realize how high up your son is? He’s the _lead_ pianist of a major _professional_ orchestra, people would kill for that position!”

“Which makes me more certain that it isn’t nearly as coveted as people think if Keiji of all people holds it.”

Bokuto sucked in his lips to keep from biting back at the woman. _This_ is what Akaashi was subjected to all these years? How has this man still maintained such a loving and caring manner? What is he, a superhero?

“Maybe if you two showed an ounce of interest in his life, you wouldn’t have to force him to come home, something that clearly brings him pain.”

“Please don’t act as if you know anything about my family.”

“Oh, but I do,” Bokuto assured, gaining a bit of confidence. “You think Akaashi hasn’t told me everything? Ma’am, you are blessed to have a son like him, and you don’t even know it. You’re missing out on valuable time with him because, why? You have a perception of something that you don’t even understand?”

“Don’t talk to me like that-”

“I apologize profusely,” he said a bit sarcastically, taking a breath to calm down. “The concert is next Saturday at the hall in Nerima. I’ll have two tickets at will-call for you.” He paused before hanging up, speaking softer, “You don’t even have to talk to him after. Just come see what it is that he loves to do.”

He didn’t even wait for a response, just hung up the phone and placed it carefully back into Akaashi’s jacket pocket before moving to sit on the couch. 

He really hopes this doesn’t bite him in the ass. 

—————————

Akaashi was on the phone when Bokuto walked into his apartment a few days before the concert. 

“Uh huh, yep, absolutely. Yep, that’s fine by me.” He paused, nodding his head at Bokuto. “He actually just walked in. Ok, see you then.”

He hung up and put it in his pocket, keeping his hand in there as was his other one. 

“Who was that?” Bokuto questioned, setting his volleyball bag down. 

Akaashi had a small grin on his face. “That....was your mother,” he said. 

Bokuto froze. Holy shit, did his mom find out what he did somehow and is ratting him out? Holy fuck, this is going to be exactly like what will happen when Akaashi finds out!

“How the fuck does my mother have your number. Do you guys gossip text each other?” he covered, his heart beating a mile a minute. 

Akaashi rolled his lips in to keep from smiling, “Kira gave it to her. Apparently, she wants us to go home with them the night of the concert. And have ‘bonding time’.”

“Bonding time?”

“Bonding time,” he confirmed, his lips emphasizing the B.

Groaning, “Why mom, why! She’s trying to get you to leave me, I just know it,” he said, wrapping his arms around Akaashi to kiss him hello. 

The other hummed, “Sorry, but I’m pretty sure your parents like me more than you.”

“Stop reminding me!”

Akaashi laughed, releasing his arms to go pour himself some water. Bokuto followed him, sitting on one of the island stools. 

“Are you ready for Saturday?” he asked.

Akaashi's eyebrow raised. “You never ask me if I’m ready for a concert...thought you had more faith in me than that?”

Gulping, “Uh, I mean, I just meant...my parents will be there,” he recovered. “And Kira. Just wanted to see how you were doing, how you felt about it,” he asked nervously.

Akaashi smiled before leaning on the other side of the island. “I’m doing fine, thanks for asking. Don’t know if you know or not, but I’m kinda ok at piano.”

Bokuto's head dipped to the side, not able to hide his smile. “Yeah, I know.”

“You good with the leftovers from yesterday?” Akaashi asked, going to heat up the lasagna they made the day prior. 

Bokuto mumbled a yes, watching as Akaashi moved around. 

He clutched his hands together. “Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.....just wanted you to know.”

Akaashi’s head tilted for a second before responding. “I love you too, Bo.”

————————-

If Akaashi could tell something was up with Bokuto, then he certainly didn’t say anything. Or maybe Bokuto had just convinced him he was worried about his own parents coming. Or maybe Bokuto was doing a better job at hiding his emotions than he thought. Either way, by the time they pulled up to the venue, Bokuto had steeled his nerves and just kept saying ‘fuck it’ to himself. More than likely, they won’t show and Akaashi will be none the wiser. Better for him to actually enjoy his boyfriend’s performance. 

Akaashi obviously had to get there before house opened, so Bokuto’s family hadn’t gotten there yet. He gave a quick good luck kiss to the musician before they parted and he spent the time helping Kiyoko set up after spotting her. 

“Oh, I have those two tickets you asked me to reserve. Are Akaashi’s parents really coming?” she asked over the tip of her glasses. 

Bokuto shrugged, “I honestly have no clue.”

“And I hear your parents are coming as well.”

He smiled, his hands going to his pockets shyly. “Yeah, that one’s a definite. They love this stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had actually heard Akaashi play before we had even started dating.”

The manager grinned warmly and encouragingly. “Well here, might as well give these to you now so you don’t have to wait in line.” She handed him the four tickets. He nodded in thanks. 

People started to slowly trickle in. Bokuto couldn’t help, as he stood with his drink by the bar, but to look at the faces of everyone there. Tried to see if any of them had Akaashi’s piercing blue eyes or the same arch to his eyebrows. Or anyone who was shooting daggers at him for speaking to the mother of his boyfriend so disrespectfully. But no one seemed to match the bill as far as he could tell. 

“Ah, now if that isn’t my son, one of the first people to get a drink,” Hiro said, placing a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder. 

“Dad,” Bokuto smiled, “Thanks for coming.”

His father ordered drinks as Bokuto hugged his mom and sister. “Thanks for coming? Koutarou,” his mom whispered, “We would’ve come even without you,” she joked. 

Bokuto rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah, I know you like him more than me.”

Hiro passed a glass of wine to his wife and a gin and tonic to his daughter. “To Akaashi,” he said, lifting his scotch.

Bokuto’s heart fluttered as his mom and sister repeated his father and they clinked glasses. “To Akaashi,” he joined. 

They caught up as quickly as they could, his dad talking to him about Japan’s chances for an Olympic medal, the girls looking at everyone’s dresses. Bokuto was pleased to see he didn’t have to tell them what to wear - he should’ve known his mom would’ve been aware. Bokuto regrets never asking her beforehand and trying to figure it out on his own. 

The overhead lights dimmed on and off, signaling everyone to their seats. Bokuto passed the rest of his family their tickets as they stood in line to enter the space.

  
This hall wasn’t nearly as grand as the one in Tokyo, but was still just as beautiful. There were a lot more traditional arches and carving in the architecture, the amphitheater maybe only a tad smaller, but the ceiling just as high. It was beautiful in a very elegant, simplistic way. 

They found their seats, Bokuto still anxiously looking around. He should’ve asked Kiyoko exactly where the Akaashi’s seats would be. But all of it went out the window as the orchestra came on stage. 

No matter how many times he sees it, Akaashi in his dress tux walking to the piano will always take his breath away. The way he gently lifted the cover off the instrument and elegantly started running across the keys to warm up on the new piano, Bokuto could stare at him for hours and never be bored, forever mesmerized by the way he held his back while sitting at the bench awaiting his conductor’s signal. 

And then they would start. 

And Bokuto was all at once knocked back by the sheer talent that one person can possess to be able to create such sound and music and emotion out of an instrument made mostly of wires and wood. 

He looked at the program. ‘Piano Concerto in A Minor.’

He still had no idea how to talk to Akaashi about any of this. Had no idea how to discuss what even an ‘A Minor’ was. Couldn’t say a lick of any of those words he sees printed on Akaashi’s sheet music. But he could love and support Akaashi and just _feel_ the emotion through the music. That’s enough to show he values his boyfriend’s dream. 

His mom gripped his hand next to him, a slight grin on her face as she sat listening to his boyfriend play. 

And he realized that it didn’t matter if Akaashi ever got on good terms with his parents. Bokuto’s family would love him more than enough. 

  
  


[Piano Concerto in A Minor](https://youtu.be/yI4Cpo29dao) the piano solo in this is just *muah* beautiful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter to make up for the short one before. 
> 
> Guysss them bickering in the kitchen before the phone call was one of my favorite dialogues to write. Just uwu.
> 
> I HOPE YALL ARE HAVING A LOVELY DAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU.


	39. Height

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a brief pause as Bokuto took it all in. Took in how lucky he was to have someone like Akaashi, how proud he was, and how he was one hundred percent wrapped around the pianist’s finger.

They waited out in the parking lot after the concert ended, Kira getting on her brother’s case about how ‘he should just let her have Akaashi already’. Their mom had to break up about three different headlocks, not including the one Bokuto was attempting now.

“This is why we can’t go anywhere nice, Bo,” Akaashi said, grinning as he walked towards them. 

“Akaashi!” Kira exclaimed, throwing her hands up and letting out woots once her brother released her. “Such a good job!” she said, giving him a hug. 

Returning it, “Thanks, Kira,” he smiled. “Thanks for coming, Hiro, Miya.” Miya hugged him while Hiro shook his hand. 

“What am I, chopped liver?” Bokuto pouted, walking in between all of them. 

“Compared to them? Yeah,” Akaashi joked. They all laughed while Akaashi took the second to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, Bokuto cupping his face and placing a swift kiss to his lips. Akaashi smiled up at him. “Thanks for coming, Bo,” he whispered. 

“Mhm, I know you’re just using me for my family,” he smirked. 

“Damn, you caught me,” he chuckled. 

Bokuto placed one more quick kiss to his lips before mumbling over his mouth. “Anytime, Kaashi.”

Acutely aware of Bokuto’s parents standing right there, the pianist untangled them, clasping their hands together as they started to follow the group to the cars. They were a few steps behind them when he heard it. 

“Keiji.”

Akaashi immediately stopped in his tracks, Bokuto saw his eyes go wide without even turning around. The rest of his family turned to see what the holdup was.

Bokuto was going to fucking puke right there. 

Akaashi turned around. 

“M-mom? Dad?”

The elder couple wasn’t really what Bokuto had been expecting, granted, he had no idea what to expect. He didn’t even think they would come. But from looking at the two people standing there, it was like the world’s hardest jigsaw puzzle trying to figure out where his boyfriend came from.

His father was taller than Akaashi, maybe two inches shorter than Bokuto. The man had deeply tan skin though, hard lines drawn into his face, and his black eyes looked to be in a permanent tilt down. Bokuto vaguely wondered, if this man smiled, would it be the same as Akaashi’s? The shape of their lips seemed to match, but that was all he could really see in his face. But the way he stood was in the exact same manner as Akaashi though, as if he was always on guard, back straight and weight on the balls of his feet, ready to move in any direction. That’s where the resemblance stopped. 

The woman standing next to him, even though dressed in only a simple black dress and coat, still looked like she tried a bit harder than her husband (who seemed to be wearing clothes that one would put on to run simple errands, or to go to a dinner party where you clearly weren’t fans of the host). His mom was fairly short, with Akaashi’s same glowing skin and nose. And she was where he got his eyes. Her blue orbs were a carbon copy of the love of his life’s. But her’s drooped as if always in a state of tiredness. 

Neither one seemed thrilled at the moment.

“W-what are you doing here?”

Akaashi’s mother, Mayumi, was staring hard at Bokuto. “Let it be known that I don’t take ultimatums lightly, Bokuto-kun.”

He shrugged slightly, “It wasn’t an ultimatum. More like an encouraging push.”

Looking between the two, “Am I-Am I missing something here?” Akaashi questioned. “What’s going on?”

“Your friend here gave your mother a call,” his father said. No one missed the way he intoned friend. Mayumi’s presence immediately diminished. Once he started talking, it was as if she was pushed back to least important, the man not even noticing her anymore. Hard to believe, after the way her voice carried its own strength, that she would be so easily pushed into a corner. “How utterly rude and despicable of you to think it’s acceptable to call us.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Why shouldn’t he be able to talk to you,” Akaashi cut Bokuto off. Bokuto was taken back, he didn’t think Akaashi would even be able to say anything once he found out. “He’s my _boyfriend_. That’s what normal people to do with their significant other’s parents.”

“It’s shameful and disgraceful,” he spat back.

“Still using the same insults I see,” Akaashi responded, fairly calm even though Bokuto could see him shaking a bit. “I don’t understand why you can’t just _try_ to accept this? I am your son. Your _only_ son.”

His father’s voice was low, forceful as he spoke, “Don’t speak so high and mighty. You lost the right to be treated differently when you decided to be like _this_.”

“Decided?” Akaashi’s voice had gone up again, the way Bokuto knew it did when he was getting flustered, annoyed, and upset all at the same time. “I didn’t _decide_ anything, dad! This is just who I am! I’m gay! I’m a pianist! Why can’t you come to turns with that,” he begged. “Did you come all the way here just to yell at me and remind me that?”

His father raised a finger, lips snarling a bit. “Let me make this very clear, Keiji. The _only_ reason I came to this concert was so that your ass, by _yourself_ , will be at the retirement on the 14th. We don’t need the faculty to make any more assumptions as to why you’re not around. Do I make myself clear?”

Akaashi's eyes were wide as he stared down the finger in his face. His hands were fisted, head dropped in exhaustion. “Did you even hear me up there?” he asked, weaker, confidence lost.

His father scoffed. “Your mother said this one here told her it’s a coveted position.” He crossed his arms. “Who’d you sleep with to get it?”

His mother gasped, horrified. “Kaito!”

Bokuto couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed in between them, moving Akaashi behind him who looked like he had just been slapped in the face.

“That’s it!” He shouldn’t yell. He shouldn’t talk this way to his boyfriend’s dad. But Akaashi had spent too many years being kicked down. And it was Bokuto’s fault they were even here to begin with. It was time someone stepped up to the pianist’s dad. 

“How could you talk that way about your own son?” Bokuto questioned. “Do you even know him? If you took a _minuscule_ of a second to realize how amazing of a person he is, you would see that this man, will drop everything for his friends. Gives his blood, sweat, and tears to this orchestra and his job so that he can achieve his dreams that _you_ abandoned him on!”

He was using his height to his advantage, if there was anything being a volleyball player did, it was teach him how to peer down on opponents.

“This man is the most compassionate human being on the planet, who has been through _hell_ and back again, no thanks to you. And he _still_ somehow came out to be a stronger and better person than the likes of you. But you wouldn’t know any of that, would you? You’re so caught up on that fact that he likes guys? Well let me tell you something.” His voice lowered, deadly serious as he moved in somehow even closer. “I am a man and I love your son more than anything in this world. And I’m gonna shower him in all the love you never gave him. And when you finally come to your senses, it’s going to be too late. He’s going to do amazing things. And he’s better off without you.”

He didn’t wait for a response, didn’t wait to see more of the man’s dark eyes glaring deep into Bokuto’s soul, he just grabbed Akaashi’s hand again and turned around, registering that his parents had seen the whole thing and will more than likely chew him out for having talked to elders like that. But he couldn’t think about that right now. He just had to get Akaashi out of there. So he walked past them to head to his car. 

If he had stayed, he would’ve seen his mom shooting pitting daggers at the Akaashi’s.

She looked even more disappointed than Mayumi. 

———————

They sat in silence for a moment, processing everything that just happened. 

Bokuto gripped the steering wheel. “Akaashi....”

“When did you call her?”

He closed his eyes, pressing the steering wheel into his forehead. “Last week. I just...I just wanted to help, Akaashi. I’m sorry. I-I really thought that if they heard you play, they would get it, and you could at least have that off your plate and-”

“Bo.”

“then maybe they would slowly start to accept the gay thing, you know? But fuck, Akaashi, I should’ve asked. And I couldn’t just-”

“Bokuto.”

“stand there while he tried to drag you through the mud, you don’t deserve that! I wanted to clobber him honestly for talking to you like that, I had to set it right-”

“BOKUTO,” Akaashi exclaimed. 

He stopped, finally looking at Akaashi. His eyes were burning. But not with tears. With light. 

Akaashi leaned over the console, pulling Bokuto towards him by his tie and slamming their mouths together. Bokuto was so shocked, his eyes didn’t even close as he sat there, frozen. He finally got to his senses and gripped the back of Akaashi’s head, angling him so he had better access. A tongue swiped across Bokuto’s bottom lip, he groaned as he opened his mouth to let it slide in. Akaashi pressed forward, letting their tongues fight one another. He finally released them when he couldn’t breathe anymore. He pulled back, panting. 

“I’ve never been able to stand up to him like that,” he whispered. “Thank you for being my voice when I needed it.”

“Yo-you’re not mad?”

Akaashi shook his head, “Maybe a little. You should’ve told me. But I know you did it out a place of good intentions.” He fiddled with Bokuto’s tie. “I’m sorry that I embarrassed you in front of your parents.”

Palming the side of his face, “Nah, they’ll be fine,” Bokuto said. “They’ll probably be more worried than mad. Which we will probably get a lecture on tonight.”

Akaashi bit his lip, still looking down at Bokuto’s shirt collar. “About that....how would you feel if we drove up next weekend to be with them and went home tonight?”

He kissed Akaashi’s forehead, missing the way the other leaned into the touch. “Whatever you want.”

He started the car, backing out and driving out of the parking lot towards the city. He called his mom on the way and promised another weekend. She understood of course, asking if everyone was ok. They both assured her they were. 

They were halfway back by the time they ended the call, she had wanted to discuss the pieces more with Akaashi before hanging up. It was a good distraction so he didn’t mind. 

But Bokuto almost veered off the road when they hung up though, because Akaashi started to rub his hand incredibly high on the man’s thigh. 

He jerked his leg, taking a hand off the wheel to clutch the one on his leg. “You good there, babe?”

Akaashi just hummed, his thumb making small circles on the back of Bokuto’s hand. 

He pulled up to Akaashi’s apartment, holding his hand as they entered the dark loft and tossing his keys on the island. He made to take his tie off when his other arm was jerked back, his body pulled back towards Akaashi’s. 

His eyebrows were in his hairline, “Kaashi?”

Akaashi just pulled him down by his tie again, capturing his lips and kissing him breathily. Bokuto was pushed backwards, his back hitting the island as he grunted into Akaashi’s mouth. He wrapped his arms around him, feeling his back as it flexed with every movement. 

Akaashi started to push Bokuto’s jacket off. It shocked Bokuto to his senses, he gripped Akaashi’s hands as they started to undo the tie next. 

“Kaashi, wait, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he mumbled as he started sucking on Bokuto’s neck. 

Bokuto bit back a moan as he sank a little further into the kisses, his eyes started fluttering. The pianist finally pulled the tie off, moving to the buttons of the shirt next. “Wait, wait, stop.” Bokuto gripped the hands, using a knuckle to lift his chin up. “Why are you doing this,” he whispered. 

Akaashi’s eyes still had that clear sparkle in them. He chewed on his lip for a second, alternating his gaze between Bokuto’s eyes and his lips. 

“Because I want you. I really, really do. I promise.”

His boyfriend stared at him, not fully believing him. “Bo, seeing you stand up for me like that, hearing everything you said, it made me realized how I will always feel whole with you. You don’t see me for all my faults,” he gripped their hands. “You’re all I need in life. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it. I-I don’t want to spend a second more wasting time without you.”

Bokuto pushed his bangs back, “It’s not wasting time if you’re not ready yet,” he mumbled. 

Akaashi kissed him again, softer this time and more sweet. He peeled his hands out as he slowly went back to undoing Bokuto’s shirt buttons. His breath hitched as he finally had it opened and he took in the full sight of the volleyball player’s abs again, the few glimpses and flick ups of shirts the past few months not doing them justice. He placed a hand on them, Bokuto flinching at the cold. 

He looked up at him, “I think I’ll be fine I...I just don’t want to be on my back?” He started to take the shirt off Bokuto’s shoulders, draping it down his long arms. “But I’m ready.”

Bokuto’s nod was almost nonexistent, cupping Akaashi’s face and kissing him sweetly again. Akaashi took one of the hands on his face and placed it on his own shirt. “I trust you,” he whispered into Bokuto’s mouth. 

Letting out a moan then, Bokuto’s fingers moved to undo the shirt and quickly get it untucked from the dress pants. They stood there, both shirtless, feeling the skin on skin finally, the burning electricity rushing through their bodies. Akaashi couldn’t stop rubbing his hand up and down Bokuto’s chest, feeling the patterns of muscles he knew so well. 

Bokuto growled when Akaashi swiped one of his nipples, Akaashi smirking slightly. One of his large hands rested on Akaashi’s ass, barely letting any weight fall on it as he tried not to shock the man. Akaashi just moved into the touch, let Bokuto’s hand knead slightly on the muscle. 

Hands finally moved down and off Bokuto’s chest, resting on his belt. Akaashi hesitated for a moment, Bokuto afraid that they tried too much, too fast, when he suddenly dropped his hand and started to palm Bokuto’s hardening cock through his pants.

“Ka-ah!” he gasped, gripping the counter behind him. He hadn’t felt Akaashi this close, and this much, on his cock in such a long time. He could probably cum from this alone. 

Akaashi was staring up at him, one hand wrapping around the bulge in the pants, the other spread across Bokuto’s lower abs, right under his naval. 

“Fuck, Kaashi, I won’t even last five minutes if you’re gonna be like that.”

Smirking, Akaashi finally undid Bokuto’s belt. He pushed the pants down quickly, Bokuto moving to step out of them and starting to reach to undo Akaashi’s when he felt a hand stop him. 

Akaashi reddened, “I’ll do that.”

Bokuto nodded, watching as Akaashi undid his pants and unhooked them from his ankles. 

They stood there again, Akaashi suddenly very nervous of his athlete boyfriend seeing his body again. 

Taking a shy step forward, Bokuto slowly, and in Akaashi’s view, reached to pull him forward by his hips. 

Akaashi gasped as he felt his dick grind into the top of Bokuto’s thigh, Bokuto swallowing the air escaping as he kissed him. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. 

Releasing a sigh, his head dropped onto Bokuto’s shoulders as they stood there for a second, ever so slightly gyrating their hips into the other. Akaashi could feel as Bokuto got larger and larger against him. 

In one swift movement, Bokuto hooked his arms under Akaashi’s thighs and hoisted him up. 

Akaashi stared down at him wide eyed as he wrapped his legs loosely around his waist. “I recall you liking this...what did you say? Height difference?” Bokuto grinned coyly. 

Akaashi laughed, dipping his head as he grasped Bokuto’s face with one hand. “Yeah, this is good,” he smiled, resuming their heated kissing as Bokuto kept him high off the ground, his biceps flexing as blood rushed through his body. He slowly started to grip at Akaashi’s ass, bringing his body up and down to slide Akaashi’s crotch against him. Akaashi moaned. It was like a thousand fairy bells ringing in Bokuto’s ears. 

He controlled his movements, never moving very fast, not bucking aggressively. Akaashi was whimpering by the time he finally whispered again, “Bed.”

He nodded, walking them to the bed and turning so he was sitting with Akaashi still straddling him. He shifted backwards, dropping his head onto the pillow as Akaashi sat above him, his hands gripping down on Bokuto’s chest. They stared at each other, panting. 

Bokuto would’ve been fine if they cut it there, if Akaashi called it quits. But then Akaashi nodded his head to the nightstand and said, “Lube.”

Reaching his arm over, the volleyball player’s long arm easily made the distance without having to dethrone Akaashi. He gripped the bottle and the box of condoms, pulling them next to him. His hands went back to Akaashi’s hips, hooking a finger into the waistband and asking his question silently. Akaashi nodded. 

He slowly started to bring the boxers down, keeping a gauge on his boyfriend’s reaction and pulling the fabric over his now hard, leaking cock. The head was already a dark red, and just the cold air hitting it had it twitching, Akaashi dropping his head a bit at the sensation. 

Bokuto lifted up, kissing Akaashi’s chest while he helped the boy shift his legs, stretching the fabric to get it off and tossing them on the ground when they were off his body. 

He fell back on to his back. 

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Are you sure you want to go further, because I can cum just by looking at you.”

Akaashi bit his lip to keep from smiling, he shook his head in a yes. 

Bokuto moved to uncap the lube, but Akaashi put his hand on his. He met his eyes. “I’m gonna do it, if that’s ok.”

Bokuto’s chest sputtered, “Hell yes that’s ok.”

He watched as Akaashi undid the bottle and poured some on his fingers, rubbing it, feeling it warm up before reaching back. Bokuto could tell the exact moment he started entering himself, his face made an O, his eyes scrunched in. His chest heaved. He could see him trembling a bit. 

Bokuto reached a hand up slowly, cupping Akaashi’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me. I’m here,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “I’m right here.”

Akaashi’s breath hitched again, but he didn’t tear his eyes away from Bokuto’s the entire time as he thrusted his one finger in deeper, arm reaching all the way behind him as he worked himself open. He started inserting the second one. 

“Fuck, Bo,” he whined, his lips were swollen from biting them so hard. 

“There you go, baby, you’re doing such a good job. So good. I’m so proud of you.”

He kept swiping his thumb across his face, his other hand making soothing circles on his thigh. 

Akaashi was at three fingers now. Damn, did Bokuto wish he had a mirror to see that view. Maybe one day. 

He kept encouraging him through it, the smaller boy’s thighs beginning to shake at the sensation, his cock even more swollen if possible. Bokuto wondered when was the last time he cummed. 

Akaashi’s arm finally fell forward, his other hand coming out as he perched on Bokuto’s chest, his back arched and ass going into the air. 

He was panting, “I’m ready. I’m ready.”

Bokuto ran a hand down his back, feeling the curves of soft skin down to Akaashi’s ass. He spread the cheeks. Akaashi moaned in his ear. 

He kissed his cheek, whispering, “Are you sure?”

Nodding, Akaashi brought himself up and rolled down Bokuto’s boxers. His poor boyfriend, so patient with him. Seeing his cock weep against his stomach brought shivers down his back. He watched as Bokuto slid a condom down his shaft. 

He could tell Bokuto was trying not to thrust his hips up into the air, he was breathing heavy, his thighs shooting forward lightly as he tried to get some relief. But he would never admit it to Akaashi. He loved him even more for it.

Akaashi took a breath and lifted up on his knees. He stared straight at Bokuto as he reached down to guide him into his hole. The first contact against the rim had him gasping. 

“Uah, ah....” he panted. Bokuto was stretching him after so long, the burn going straight to his front side. He made to go down further, Bokuto gripped his thighs, stopping him. 

“Slower,” he gritted. It was hard enough for him to tear his eyes away from his cock disappearing inside Akaashi, let alone speak, but he managed it, “I’ll bust if you go any faster and you’ll hurt yourself.”

Akaashi nodded, steadying himself with his arms. It took a moment, them both sensitive to the touch, but he finally bottomed out. Akaashi could feel the sweat dripping down his neck, could see the beads forming on Bokuto’s forehead as he concentrated on his control. 

Bokuto’s entire face was flushed, his mouth opened as he let out little gasps. Akaashi was biting his lip, his arms shaking a bit and eyes scrunched. Bokuto could feel the body freezing.

“Have I ever told you about what I noticed first about you?” Bokuto whispered into the room.

Akaashi stared at him, his head shaking slightly.

Continuing to rub his thighs, “Your eyes,” he drawled, staring at him. “And how you held a million different stories in them. A million streaks of light. A million notes to a symphony. I swear I fell in love with you in that one second.”

A ghost of a smile crept on Akaashi’s face, his body subconsciously moving a bit up and down on Bokuto.

The feeling radiated throughout Bokuto, he continued, “I love the way you curl up into me when we’re sleeping. And the way you tuck your head into my side. You look like a little bunny.”

Akaashi laughed, his hair swaying into his eyes. He slowly sped up.

“I love the way you look when you’re working on your arrangement,” Bokuto kept going, “The little light bulb moment that goes off in your eyes when you add something and the,” he tapped his nose, “The little crinkle of your nose when you decide to erase something.”

“Ah.” Akaashi was huffing now, the pace picking up as he lost himself in his boyfriend’s words.

“There you go baby. Ah, fuck. You’re doing great.”

Akaashi finally raised himself fully up and slammed down. 

“GUH,” he yelled, his sight blacking out for a second. He felt the fingers on his thighs tighten more. He moved up again, feeling the way Bokuto’s cock dragged down his walls. It felt so good. 

“Ughh, fuck, Akaashi,” Bokuto moaned, his head tilting back and elongating his neck. “Fuck.”

Akaashi picked the pace up, his confidence growing at the sight of his boyfriend coming so unraveled. He loved this man. Loved him so much and he felt so fucking good inside him after so long. 

Bokuto’s voice was breathless, his body heating from emotion and pleasure, “I love the way you make me feel like I can do anything with you by my side. And the way your hand fits perfectly in mine.”

Akaashi leaned his arms back onto Bokuto’s legs underneath him, speeding up his thrusts. 

“Mhmm, mh, mg,” he huffed. His cock was bouncing up and down from the force, the motions pulling at all his seams. He looked at Bokuto. 

His eyes held nothing but absolute love. 

“Fuck, Bo! Fuck I’m-I’m not gonna last long,” he whined, voice high.

“Thank God, cause me either,” he panted. “You feel so fucking good, baby. So fucking good.”

Throwing his head back, Akaashi moaned up to the ceiling as the sensations over took him. He forced his head back up to look Bokuto in the eyes. He felt his peak building in his groin, he bounced faster, the sounds slapping throughout the room. 

“Don’t ever leave me, Akaashi.” Bokuto’s eyes pleaded. “Please don’t leave me. I love you more than life itself.”

“Fuck! Fuck,” he bit his lip. His heart was overwhelmed, every vessel in his body screaming and _yearning_ for this man. “I love you. I love you, Koutarou,” he panted.

Bokuto’s eyes widened. “Fuck!” he yelled, his hips finally thrusting up on their own as he came. 

“Ah!” Akaashi jerked, his cock spurting strings of semen all over his body and onto Bokuto’s chest. He rode it out, Bokuto gripping his thighs as his own hips shook. 

They finally stilled. The air filled with the smell of sweat and cum, their panting ringing through the room. 

Bokuto went onto his forearms, gripping the back of Akaashi’s neck and crashing their lips together. He held them there, their breaths mixing with one another as they steadied their heart rates. 

“You called me Koutarou,” he grinned. 

Akaashi's face somehow went even redder, “Well, you call me baby, it’s only fair I have something other than Bo.” His eyes glanced away. 

“Keiji.”

Akaashi’s heart skipped. He looked back at his boyfriend. “I love you, Keiji.” They smiled at each other, Bokuto speaking up when he saw the other’s face start to shift. “Nuh, uh, do not cry. ‘Cause I will if you do.”

Letting out glorious laughs, Akaashi wrapped his arms around the man’s shoulders, burying his face into Bokuto’s neck. “I’m not,” he sniffled slightly. 

“Mhm, sure,” he said, rubbing his back. “Do you wanna get off my dick now?”

They slowly separated, Akaashi already feeling sore. Bokuto kissed his forehead and scooted off the bed to grab a towel from the bathroom, wiping at Akaashi’s body before turning it on himself. 

“Fuck, you came a lot.”

“Yeah, untouched too.”

Bokuto froze. “Holy fucking shit. You came from just my dick.”

“Stop being cocky. See what I did there?” he smiled as he grabbed a clean pair of boxers for each of them, Bokuto having most of his clothes there now anyway. 

He climbed back onto the bed when he had them on, Bokuto wrapping his arms around him and bringing him down to lay next to him. 

He ran his fingers through the black hair, could see his love slowly drifting off to sleep. He kissed his forehead. “I love you, Keiji.”

A smile formed against his neck. “I love you too, Koutarou.”

There was a brief pause as Bokuto took it all in. Took in how lucky he was to have someone like Akaashi, how proud he was, and how he was one hundred percent wrapped around the pianist’s finger.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Keiji,” Bokuto whispered into room.

He felt lips kiss his jaw. “And I don’t know where I’d be without you, Koutarou. Thank you for walking into the music hall that day,” Akaashi mumbled.

They drifted off into sleep, dreamy smiles on both their faces as they held on tight to their whole worlds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to emphasize that it took Akaashi time and a few months to get here, and even then was only ready when he became fully aware of how he wasn’t alone. Heal at your own pace. 
> 
> Do you all feel lighter? I do. 
> 
> Took a mental health day off work today and let me tell y’all, it was great to just regroup. Much love to you all❤️


	40. Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know when, there was always more to learn about each other. But one day, he was going to make this man his for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought it was time for me to once again thank every single one of you reading this. I’m so thankful for all of you for sticking by me, for all of you that take the time to comment, for sharing such personal responses. I really do hope this story gives you all a bit of healing and escape from the world. Thank you all ❤️

Bokuto grabbed their bags before walking up to the house. As promised, they came up to his parents’ the following weekend for ‘bonding time,’ as Miya so embarrassingly put it. 

Everything felt settled with their souls. While Bokuto couldn’t deny that having sex again finally made his desires calm down, it was more of the matter that Akaashi’s whole demeanor was lighter. He was glowing, his steps bouncier and smile more radiant than every sunrise in the world. Bokuto’s whole heart was bursting at just how far his boyfriend had come. That, was all Bokuto ever wanted and needed. 

He kissed the small man's head while walking up the steps and opening the front door. 

“We’re here!” he called out. 

Footsteps pounded. “Akaashi!!” Miya yelled, hurrying down the stairs. She threw her arms out and hugged him, swaying him side to side. 

“Wow, thanks, mom,” Bokuto said sarcastically, a smile on his face while saying it. 

Akaashi returned the hug while letting out a little chuckle. “Thanks for having me, Miya.”

“Of course!” she said, rubbing his arms a bit. She then looked at her son. “Aw, come here, my baby boy.” She took his face in her hands and kissed both his cheeks. 

“Hey, mom.”

They pulled away, the woman looking at them both expectantly, “Are you both hungry? Kira and I just made lunch!” 

“And by that, you mean Kira did the majority of it while you just chopped and supervised?”

Brown eyes glared, daring. Akaashi smacked Bokuto’s chest. “Don’t act like I don’t do the same thing with you.”

She pressed her lips together as she threatened to smile. “Therefore, only Akaashi gets food because you’re being mean, Koutarou,” she sneered, turning away.

They followed her into the house as Bokuto tried to make amends, clutching his growling stomach at the thought of food. Akaashi just chuckled and rubbed his back while they walked through the foyer.

Even without any celebration or holiday, the Bokuto’s house was always decorated to a T with fresh flowers around all the family frames, Miya keeping it elegant and pristine even amongst all the mementos.

A glint to his left caught Akaashi’s eye, stopping him in front of the decorative table in the hallway filled with pictures. He’s seen the table every time he was here, but a new frame had been added to it since his last visit a while ago. On the table, right in the front, in a gold frame, was a picture of him and Bokuto. 

Hands wrapped around his waist when he stopped, Bokuto crouching behind him and putting his chin on his shoulder, Miya not realizing they had stopped as she continued on to the kitchen. “I sent it to them a while ago,” he mumbled. “They wanted a picture.”

Akaashi was still frozen, staring at the moment captured in time of them wrapped in each others arms. He remembered it perfectly even though it was eons ago - Bokuto whispering a joke to him right before Suga snapped it so that Akaashi was laughing, the other smiling down at him.

“Babe? You ok?”

He spoke softly, barely above a whisper, “You know, I don’t think my parents ever had any pictures up of me after I was 13 years old.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened, his chest tightening at the thought of his precious boyfriend being so ignored. He tightened his grip, pulling him even closer somehow. “Well, good thing my mom will make up for that. She already wants more copies,” he whispered before placing kissess right behind his ear. The boy smiled, turning his head a bit so they can kiss on the lips. He grabbed his hand and continued on.

“What, did you two get lost?” Kira snickered as she took a pan out of the oven. 

  
  
“Just trying to get a second more of reprieve away from your face,” Bokuto stuck his tongue out at her.

“Always the same with you two, isn't it,” Akaashi laughed, greeting the sister before helping to grab plates and placing them on the table. 

“Where’s dad?” Bokuto asked. 

“Had to go into the office for bit, he should be back later.”

They caught up since seeing them the weekend before, Miya still wanting to talk about the pieces. Kira was more interested in the audition process since she had talked to a few students who had an interest in pursuing music. She wanted to get all the facts and details from a professional to take back to them. 

It still amazed Akaashi how never once, did he feel like he was overstepping. Or that the conversation was awkward. Felt very comfortable and at ease and even had no qualms continuing the jabs they would throw at each other. It was like he had known them all his life.

By the time they had finished, sitting at the table well after they were done eating, and had cleaned up, it was about 3 o’clock. 

“Oh, Kou, will you talk to this kid real quick?” Kira asked, swiping her hands on a dish towel. 

“The soccer one? Yeah, but I don’t really know how much I can relate.”

She shrugged, “Just a general summary of being a professional athlete.”

His mouth moved down as he looked at Akaashi. “What, you think he can’t be by himself for short periods of time? You don’t give him enough credit,” Kira chided. 

They shuffled out of the room, Bokuto rolling his eyes towards his boyfriend.

Akaashi shook his head at the two. “It’s hard to believe they aren’t twins, they act so much alike.”

Laughing, Miya closed up the containers of leftovers. “Trust me, _I_ sometimes think they’re twins, and I was there when they were both born!”

Akaashi smiled, finishing up the last of the dishes before placing them on the drying rack. 

“Well then,” the woman huffed, her hands going to her hips. “Wine?”

Akaashi cocked an eyebrow, looking at the time on the stove. “It’s only 3:30?”

She was already moving to the counter by a small alcove with bottles on it. She popped the cork off a bottle that was already half empty. “So?” she said with a smirk. 

“Can’t argue with that logic,” he conceded. 

She poured two glasses for them, the boy following her as she went to sit on the couch in the living room. 

“You know, I never got to tell you that your piano is in great shape for no one playing it.”

Smiling softly, she followed his gaze to the white instrument. “My grandmother was my biggest role model. My brother’s and my parents died fairly young so our grandparents took us in. My favorite thing to do was to listen to her play. Oh geez, it was just _magical_. Seeing how just pushing down these little rectangles could make such beautiful music.”

Akaashi glanced at her, the corners of his lips threatening to go up. 

“What,” she drawled. 

“Nothing,” Akaashi smirked, taking a sip of the wine. “It’s just, now I know where Koutarou gets it from.”

He saw the slight head tilt she made at him using the first name, but if she wanted to either exclaim in happiness or shun him, she didn’t say, just simply smiled up to her eyes and looked back at the piano.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” she chuckled. “He's actually always been drawn to music. Tried to do it himself when he was little but poor thing couldn’t keep a beat for the life of him. I was pregnant with him while my grandmother was still alive. I used to just sit and listen to her and Koutarou was kicking to the music even then.”

Her face shifted, a faraway look crossing her features. “She passed when he was around three. Hardest thing in the world for me. I couldn’t bear to let something so precious to her fall away, so of course I made sure it stayed in tiptop condition. Even if none of us play it.” She looked back at him, eyes shining. “It’s just been waiting for someone to come and play it again.”

She patted his knee. “Hearing you play it brought me so much joy. Thank you.”

Akaashi blushed. “Ah, of course.”

It was silent for a moment as they both took a sip of their wine. 

Miya finally adjusted her body so she was facing him more. 

“Keiji, sweetie.”

Akaashi blushed even more. 

“May I speak freely?”

His mouth gaped a little bit. No adult had ever actually asked him that before?

“Um, sure?”

She took a steeling breath and another sip of wine before looking so blatantly at him. 

“I thought the worst thing in the world was my parents being taken away so soon. That it was unfair and that the world was ending.” Her voice caught a bit, eyes softening. “But I think what’s worse is having parents that don’t see you for who you truly are. Because at least my parents loved me every ounce, of every second, that they were with us.”

She gripped his hand, her eyes a bit glassy now. “I am so sorry that your parents can’t do the same to you. That you've had to go through that by yourself. And I swear, if Koutarou hadn’t had stepped in when he did last weekend, then _I_ would’ve.” Her deep eyes bore into him, lit with the same passion he saw Bokuto go into games with. “Because they may have trouble seeing your worth, but I don’t. And I want you to know, that I already think of you as family. As my son.”

Akaashi’s chest seized. He felt the shivers go throughout his entire body. Something in him cracked. 

He bit his lip. His head dropped. He will not cry. He _will not_. He hoped his bangs were covering what was clearly him starting to tear up. “Thank you,” he whispered, shakily. He took a breath before lifting his head to look at her again. “And I just want you to know how much I love Koutarou. He means the world to me.”

“Oh, sweetie.” She placed the glass on the low coffee table, moving closer to wrap her arms around him. “I know,” she said confidently, rubbing his back a bit. 

And there it was again. The same sensation he felt when he first hugged her. The feeling of a warm, motherly embrace, could never be replicated. He gripped onto her back. 

“Woah woah woah, what’s going on here,” Bokuto’s voice rang out as he and Kira walked into the space. 

“What does it look like, Koutarou?” his mother asked, pulling away from the pianist. “I told you, this is bonding time.”

Bokuto looked at his boyfriend. All of the emotions on his face didn’t look like the upset ones, so that was good. ‘Later,’ Akaashi mouthed to him. “Well then, stop hogging him all to yourself. Let me join,” Bokuto smiled.

They spent the rest of the afternoon drinking more wine and retelling stories from when Kira and Koutarou were little. Kira _insisting_ that her brother was telling them wrong as she talked over him to correct him and vice versa. The stories got more and more mixed. They had gone through five bottles of wine between the four of them by the time Hiro came home. 

He took one look at all their flushed faces trying to hold in giggles. “Well, looks like we won’t be making it to the restaurant tonight. I’ll order some takeout,” he said with a grin, moving to grab his phone. 

They played card games and fought with one another over who was cheating, Miya trying to get her husband caught up to their level of tipsiness by holding up glass after glass to his lips. The whole thing was straight out of a movie montage. Akaashi couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed that much in one night. 

He vaguely remembered Kira passing out on the ground somewhere around midnight, her parents each taking one of her arms to help her to bed while wishing the two boys good night. Bokuto held Akaashi’s hand as they moved up to his old room. 

They were still flushed from the drinks, both their eyes a little wider than they usually were, but Akaashi was still coherent enough to turn to Bokuto whilst they got changed into sleep clothes, his mind having been wanting to tell his boyfriend what happened this entire time. 

“Your mom said she saw me as her son,” he blurted out.

Bokuto froze from taking his watch off, slowly placing it on the dresser as his face mimicked an owl. “Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

There were too many shadows running across Bokuto’s face. Akaashi couldn’t tell if he was mad or frustrated or happy or what. They stood there, frozen, as Bokuto registered it. Then he suddenly jolted forward, lifting Akaashi in the air. The small boy let out a slight yelp at the swift movement while Bokuto hugged his hips tightly. He put him back on the ground after a moment, Akaashi’s hands shaking a bit as he held onto Bokuto’s shoulders. 

“What the heck was that?” he asked, laughing slightly. 

Bokuto’s face looked ecstatic, like he couldn’t smile wide enough and his eyes were drinking up every detail of his love’s face. He brushed Akaashi’s hair back and kissed his lips, pulling away barely, just enough to look him in the eyes. 

“I’m gonna marry you someday, Keiji.”

People in China could have probably heard the sharp intake Akaashi made, the thump of his heart. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. Bokuto had said it so _sincerely._ So _firmly._ All Akaashi could do was nod his head slightly before starting to smile and going up on his toes to kiss him again. 

He gripped the back of his neck, the larger man picking him up again and carrying him to the bed. Bokuto laid him down, hovering over him to continue kissing a moment before cradling the dark haired beauty against him, breathing in the soft lingering smells of his shampoo that had all of a sudden become Bokuto’s comforting smell. 

He didn’t know when, there was always more to learn about each other. But one day, he was going to make this man his for the rest of his life. 

——-

The rest of the weekend was filled with Bokuto taking Akaashi around to all his old stomping grounds. Where he first started playing volleyball. Where Kira pushed him off his bike and he broke his leg. Where he had his first kiss. And then his _real_ first kiss because it was with a guy. Bokuto blushed the entire time. 

Akaashi loved it. Everything just felt like Bokuto. And it was nice getting to picture little Bokuto growing up and of course, spend more time with his family.

He had never felt more loved.

They returned to the city with filled hearts (and stomachs), and went back to reality. 

Akaashi’s heart still squeezed anytime he thought about what Bokuto had said to him. 

He loved Bokuto with his whole heart, wanted nothing more than to marry him, but he wouldn’t lie that the idea of marriage at the moment still scared him shitless. 

He tried not to think about it, because they were definitely well away from that, but every once in a while during rehearsal he would remember how Bokuto’s stare went straight into the deepest point of him, and his heart would pound erratically, a note missed in the piece being played, a tick of his hand as it jolted...

Akaashi kept getting nervous around him, dropping things when he came over or accidentally running into things. It was like he was a new born lamb or something. 

And it’s already been two weeks now.

But it wasn’t like they had seen each other a whole lot since then. With the trials in May, the team was stressed beyond relief with practice matches and training. Bokuto had been at practice so much, that Akaashi sometimes forgot that they were even dating with how little they had gotten to hang out. 

Eh, maybe that wasn’t possible. 

But it did get lonely with how limited their texting was, Bokuto was so undeniably exhausted that he passed out as soon as he was home. 

Which is why Akaashi was extremely surprised to be hearing a key turn in his door that Saturday evening. 

He started to cross from where he was pulling items out of the fridge for dinner to the hallway. As soon as he was pass the wall though, his body was immediately lifted in the air and thrown over a shoulder. 

“Kou!” He yelled through the laughs, gripping the strong back, “What are you doing!”

The volleyball player tossed him on the bed, smothering him in kisses as he gripped his waist. “Keijjjjjiii, I feel like I haven’t seen you in years!”

Akaashi was gasping through the chuckles as he tried to catch his breath from the onslaught. He squeaked out, “Kou...cant-breathe.”

With one last pout, Bokuto finally rolled off him, still keeping an arm slung loosely over his waist and propping his head on his other one while he looked at him.

“How was work? How’s your week been? What shirt did you wear today? What kinda cereal did you eat this morning,” Bokuto rapid fired. 

Akaashi couldn’t help but laugh again, moving a hand up to trace Bokuto’s lips with his thumb. “You ok? What are you doing?”

Bokuto shrugged. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Akaashi smirked. He gave him a short peck. “And I wore that navy sweater,” he said, getting off the bed to go to the kitchen. 

Bokuto groaned, his hands flopping up above his head. “Ugh, I love that one!”

Cocking an eyebrow, “Since when?” he questioned.

Sitting up, Bokuto gave a smirk of his own, “Since whatever you wear looks good.”

“Smooth,” Akaashi grinned. “Have you eaten yet? What are you in the mood for?” he asked when he saw the head shake in a no. 

Bokuto thought a second. “Pizza?”

“You’re just convinced the delivery boy has a crush on you,” Akaashi chuckled as he went to his phone.

“Oh, I _know_ he has a crush on me. Did you see the way he ogled me?”

“Ogled? Since when do you use that word?”

“Since I saw the delivery boy doing it to me.”

Sending in a quick order, they plopped down on the couch to watch something to kill the time. 

Akaashi played with the fingers of Bokuto’s hand that was draped over his shoulder. 

“I bet you I can make him drop the pizzas,” Bokuto said out of the blue. 

Akaashi glanced up at him. “Ten bucks he doesn’t,” he responded incredulously.

The other man started to shift, his arm coming over to wrap him up. “Oh I can think of a better bet,” he murmured, lifting Akaashi’s chin to kiss him. 

“Yeah?” Akaashi whispered against him. 

“Oh yeah.”

They got lost in each other, never once losing a beat as they kissed one another. Even after a year and how many months of dating, the magic still hadn’t worn off. Each kiss went straight throughout their whole bodies and filled them with sparks. 

They were interrupted when a knock came to the door. 

“Looks like it’s my time to shine,” Bokuto smirked. 

Lifting himself onto his arms, Akaashi twisted his head to look at him walking to the hallway. “And _how_ exactly are you planning on getting him to do this?”

In one fluid motion, Bokuto reached behind him and pulled his t-shirt off his head, leaving him bare chested for all his glorious muscles to be seen. He shrugged nonchalantly. 

Akaashi was momentarily frozen for a second taking in his boyfriend, the hard toned muscles and that damn V that led down to his hips...before realizing that’s exactly what he wanted. He shook his head, “That’s cheating and you know it.”

“Hey, not my fault you didn’t put it in the rules,” Bokuto called out as he moved to the door. 

The hinges squeaked as the door swung open, no voices echoing.

_Damn it, did he actually win?_

He heard Bokuto say a weak, “Um.” 

There weren’t any other sounds. 

“Kou?” He got off the couch to see what the issue was. “You good?”

Bokuto stepped out of blocking view, opening the door wider for Akaashi to see. 

“Um...”

Akaashi’s blood froze. “Mom?”

——————————

Of all doors for Bokuto to answer without a shirt on. This was ten times worse than when he had answered the phone call. Why does this keep happening? 

“Well, I can certainly start to figure out what you see in him,” the woman said evenly as she let herself into the apartment. 

Loud, nervous laughing came from Bokuto. He made eye contact with Akaashi behind her back and started gesturing for him to kill him. 

Mayumi looked around the apartment, glancing slightly down her thin nose. The half naked man shuffled forward, quickly scooping up his discarded shirt and hurriedly putting it back on. 

“Um, I’ll go ahead and see myself out.”

“No.”

Akaashi straightened. Did...did he and his mom just say that at the same time?

She looked at Bokuto, albeit, a bit unsure. “You should hear this too.”

Sucking in heavily, “I will not lie in saying that I haven’t been the best mother,” she started.

“Mom-"

She lifted her hand to quiet him, “I...never quite had the same nurturing thumb as my sister, and I relied on my husband for parenting directions, ignoring intuitions. I can’t say I haven’t always disagreed with him on everything though.” She cast a glance over to Bokuto, who was trying to make himself as small as possible. 

“This...this is not what I’m accustomed to,” she declared. “And I will admit I never wanted to accept it, nor the fact that you chose a path so unorthodox. But...” she took another deep breath, her chest expanding, “I will never deny that you played _beautifully,_ Keiji.”

Akaashi’s heart skipped, his brain going haywire. His mom was…complimenting him?

“I’m so sorry that I never took the time to hear you.”

Squinting his eyes, heading shaking a bit, “Why...what changed?” he mumbled.

Her eyes shot down, eyelashes covering almost all of the blue orbs. “I may not agree with who you choose to spend your time with, but I will never agree with someone claiming you to whore yourself out. No matter _who_ says it.” She shifted up, her eyes flaring now, fierce and demanding, so different than how they idled outside the concert hall. “And if he had the audacity to believe that, then what else have I gone along with while being so deaf to the words and blind to the actions?”

Moving forward, she softly cupped her son’s cheek. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. But...for what it’s worth...I’m so _proud_ of you. For having to be so independent so young. For being such a talented musician.” She took a step back and turned outward to look at Bokuto. “And for finding someone who clearly loves you more than anything else. Even if it means standing up to your own parents.”

“I do apologize, Akaashi-sama,” Bokuto said shyly. 

“Please, it was a needed wake up call.” She looked back and forth between the two. “I can’t say that I still wholeheartedly accept this, but, I hope you can give me the chance to. I do believe you most certainly could’ve done worse,” she said with a slight chuckle.

Akaashi was still frozen. He never thought this would happen. A million thoughts were running though his mind. Should he be happy? Should he be resentful? Did he even _want_ her to change? He didn’t know what to say. All he could do was give a ghost of a nod. 

Mayumi seemed to collapse at that, a bit of weight finally off her shoulders. She returned the nod and started to walk towards the door. 

“Mom?”

She stopped, glancing back.

“Do...do you want to go get dinner?” 

She smiled, “Perhaps another night. It’s about time someone knocked your father off his high horse.” She gave a pat to Bokuto’s shoulder as he held the door open for her. 

When the door clicked close, it echoed through every corner of the apartment, Akaashi’s chest, and his head. 

“Well,” Bokuto said, “that wasn’t pizza.”

Akaashi finally let out a string of delirious laughs. “No, no it wasn’t. What’s up with you and weird interactions with my mom?” he asked, moving towards him and silently wrapping his arms around his waist. 

Bokuto hugged him back tightly, his chin resting on the mess of black hair. “You ok?”

He felt the head under him nod slightly. The hands around his waist squeezed. “It’s like everything around me is slowly coming back into focus. But I can’t see what the picture looks like yet.”

A soothing hand rubbed his back, not releasing unless Akaashi pulled away first. 

A knock came on the door. 

They both froze in eachother's arms. 

“Is that bet still on?” Bokuto questioned. 

“You take your shirt off for one more person and I swear I’ll glue it to your body. All we need is for you to open the door naked and have it be my dad.”

The pizza delivery person was a girl that time, but it didn’t stop her mouth from dropping a bit at the sight of the two gorgeous men in the door.

She held tightly onto the pizza though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY FREAKING HEART IS BURSTING. I just loved writing this chapter guys, it really did settle my soul so I hope y’all like it as much as I did. 
> 
> I told some of y’all on Twitter already but for those wondering, there will be at least 53 chapters. I will update the chapter numbers as soon as I know the exact number!


	41. Constant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know there’s contentment in being comfortable. But sometimes you have to go through uncomfortable situations to get where you’re meant to be.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to reiterate that I’m not a volleyball player. I realize that a lot of this isn’t canon or how professional volleyball works, but I hope for the sake of the story you all can suspend your disbelief!

A huge pot of stew was placed down in front of Akaashi. 

“Thank you for having me, Chiaki. You really didn’t have to do all of this.”

His Sensei’s wife smiled at him as she adjusted the pot onto the holder. “Nonsense. You’re practically family.” She leaned in closer to him, voice lowering. “Plus, this is the only way I can ensure I see my husband. So I’m really just using you, no offense.”

Akaashi smiled at the banter. “None taken. And I’m just using you for your home cooking.”

“Glad _someone_ appreciates it,” she grinned back. 

Akaashi had always admired Chiaki. It must be hard being married to someone so in demand. His Sensei was constantly traveling, constantly in rehearsal, or constantly teaching Akaashi all there is to know. He felt bad sometimes, when he really thought about how he probably saw his Sensei more than his wife did. But she took it like a champ and found ways to make it work; dropping off food to his office at all hours of the day, sitting in on rehearsals, Akaashi showed them how to do FaceTime calls so that even when she couldn’t make it to the hall, she could be there virtually. The student couldn’t help but marvel at the relationship. 

They had met in college from what his Sensei had told him. She was an English Lit major and he thought he could woo her with simple poetry. He apparently crashed and burned so hard, that Chiaki spent their entire first date just laughing. But it was her laugh that made him fall in love right there - it was the greatest music he had ever heard and he wanted to listen to it forever. 

And here they are, 55 years later and still acting like college sweethearts with all harassment and sentiment included. 

“Maybe I would appreciate it more if you made stuff like this when it’s just me,” the man in question mused, carrying in another dish from the kitchen. “She only cooks this way when you’re here, Akaashi,” he grinned. 

“Guess I’ll just have to move in then,” Akaashi shrugged, helping to remove some of the tops. 

“Oh please do,” Chiaki said excitedly, “Maybe he’ll come around more.”

“You know I’m just with my other family, dear.”

“Oh stop,” she said, hitting him with a towel, but she was still smiling as she said it and her eyes shone with all the love in the world. Akaashi loved that they never lost their humor with each other. An involuntary shiver went throughout his body as he wondered if he and Bokuto would still be like that down the road.

Chiaki’s cooking always warmed Akaashi’s heart. Somehow, sitting at the table like this made him feel like he was home. But not his home, no, that will never give him the warm feeling he gets here. More like how home _should_ actually feel like, a bit like how he feels whenever he’s at the Bokuto’s. He couldn’t help but think back to what Hiro said a long time ago - how sometimes the people who become your family are the ones that come into it at random. It was easy for Akaashi to pretend that this was how he grew up, with Takahiro and Chiaki as his parents where he always ate family meals and they laughed and talked without any judgment. It was his own little fairytale. 

He may have gotten dinner with his mom the other night, but it didn’t make up for all the years of distraught. 

They’ve been working on it though the past few weeks. Bit by bit, he saw his mother’s viewpoint. It was clear that she was almost just as much a victim in this situation as Akaashi was - the head of the household seemed to break apart any person he came in contact with. 

The man did not take it well when his wife finally stood up to him. Akaashi had actually been a bit scared for his mother - even if their relationship wasn’t the best, he couldn’t deny that he still cared about her. You only get one birth mother after all. He wasn’t sure where his family stood now, everything being held on by threads, his mom had yet to sit down with Bokuto, but Akaashi could see her really trying to accept that he was dating a man. And that was all he could ask for, really. 

Akaashi helped clean up the dishes and put the leftovers away once they finished, Chiaki packing him a huge amount of leftovers to take home. She always clicked her tongue at him and said he was too thin. 

He followed his Sensei when they were done, the man handing him a drink as they sat on the big leather couch in his home office. 

“Now real talk,” Takahiro said, leaning back heavily into the backrest, “How is everything?”

Fiddling with the glass in his hand, Akaashi shrugged. “Ok, I guess. I’m doing fine.”

Takahiro never said a word when Akaashi had sent him a text all those months ago saying that he wouldn’t be coming in to practice for a while. Never batted an eyelash at him needing the time away, never asked for any more details. He trusted the student. And respected him. And that was why Akaashi had wanted to explain everything once he had gotten through it. 

He had never seen his Sensei so angry before, he had snapped the pen he was holding in his hands, the ink flying everywhere. Akaashi had to stop him from chucking the violin that was sitting next to him. The older man’s voice was hoarse as he whispered that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if Akaashi had gotten more injured. Akaashi’s heart almost broke all over again as he felt his Sensei grip his shoulder tightly while he said it. They drank a lot that night, and in the morning they both felt a bit better, albeit, very hungover. 

“How’s the arrangement?”

Akaashi’s head flopped back onto the couch, he stared at the ceiling. “At a standstill. Is it bad that I want to change the entire beginning again?”

“Completely start over for all I care. If something isn’t sitting right with you, then you won’t be happy with it.”

Puckering his lips, Akaashi thought the piece through in his head. “I don’t wanna change everything. I think I finally figured out the tone. I just want to add some more layers to it.”

His Sensei nodded. They sat in silence for a bit, drinking their scotch, before talking about upcoming schedules. The tone shifted immediately as they became invested in the conversation about the Takefu International Music Festival at the start of the year, and repertoires, and Lydian mode versus Dorian. Chiaki came in multiple times to make sure they weren’t already hammered as she heard the exchange go from heated debate, to hysterical laughter. She shook her head with a smile every time, closing the door to the office and leaving them to their antics.

They finished off two more drinks each, Akaashi about ready to say he has to call it a night, when his Sensei crossed his legs and gave him a smug look. 

“Uh oh, what are you planning?”

“How do you know I’m planning something,” he scoffed, mock offense on his face. 

Pointing a finger, “You get this little scrunch in between your eyebrows,” Akaashi said. “Ah, yep there it is. It’s the same look you made when you decided to take Reka off violin and make him a viola.”

“And he went from third violin to first chair viola, so look how that turned out,” the man defended.

“Exactly how I know you’re planning something,” the student reiterated, inclining his head,.

His Sensei pursed his lips. “Never could get anything past you.” The glint in his eyes danced as he looked at his pupil. “I’m drafting a letter to Yasufumi.”

“About what?”

“You.”

Akaashi choked, the last sip of his drink he was taking hitting his throat wrong. “Me?! What did I do?” he said through the coughs.

Letting out a bark, “Typical you thinking that you did something wrong!” Takahiro laughed. He leaned forward on his knees. “I’m telling him that _you_ should be the conductor assistant. It’s long overdue. The only reason I didn’t do it sooner was because I knew you wanted to get there yourself. But a little help isn’t bad, Akaashi. And I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think you deserve it.”

Akaashi looked like a fish, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to figure out what to say. He finally thought it through, digested the words, his brain clearing a bit as he took a deep breath, looking into his now empty glass. “Thank you, Sensei. But you and I both know him. I doubt he’ll take it seriously.”

Takahiro shrugged, his face scrunching. “Maybe, maybe not. But you deserve to have the wheels set in motion. And it’s what else I wanted to talk to you about.” The lines in the elder man’s face shifted, eyes shading in the way Akaashi recognized as his Sensei become all seriousness. “If Yasufumi isn’t going to give you the chance, not even put one of your pieces in the rotation for performances, I think it’s time for you to move on from the NSO.”

The blood froze in Akaashi’s body, he didn’t think he heard right. “What?”

“You have so much skill, Akaashi,” Takahiro urged. _“Any_ professional orchestra would kill to have you, _and_ give you the respect and chance you deserve. You could finally conduct. I know you’re dedicated to the NSO, but are they dedicated to _you_ is the question. You need to do what’s best for your career. And if it’s not with the NSO, then you need to find it.”

It felt like Akaashi’s stomach was in his throat. Was his Sensei seriously telling him to leave the place he’s put his heart and soul into his entire career?

Takahiro watched the boy panic. “I know there’s contentment in being comfortable. But sometimes you have to go through uncomfortable situations to get where you’re meant to be. We’ll take it a step at a time, see how Yasufumi reacts to this. And we’ll go from there. Ok?”

The pianist nodded weakly. 

“Can I get another drink?”

\----------------------

“Yo, Bo, coach wants to talk to you.”

Bokuto stopped himself from serving the volleyball that was in his hand. “Why?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, hands in his pockets as he exited onto the court. “He didn’t say.”

Face scrunching in confusion, he let the ball drop to the ground and walked to the coach’s office. He knocked on the door. 

“Come in.”

“Hey coach,” Bokuto said, skeptically, closing the door behind him. “You wanted to see me?” 

The man nodded, gesturing to the chair in front of him while leaning back in his own, the desk chair hinges squeaking as it tilted. “I got a call from Modena,” he said, once his player plopped down into the chair. He stared at the boy, interlocking his fingers. “They want to start discussions with you about playing for them.” 

Bokuto’s eyebrows shot up. “In-In Italy?”

“I told them I would bring it up to you.”

It was the quietest Bokuto had probably ever been, his eyes narrowing as possibilities ran through his head. The befuddled orbs made their way back to the other man’s. “What do you think about it?”

His coach heaved a breath. “It would affect your position here, I’ll tell you that. Being on a club team and the National one is hard enough, but on a club team in a completely different country?” He shrugged. “Almost unheard of.”

The man shifted a bit in his chair, his hands gripping the chair arms. “I won’t deny that it’s a great opportunity though. Coach Giani has been renowned for coaching multiple gold medal athletes.”

“So you’re basically saying that I’d be stupid to pass it up, but that I’d also have to give up everything here.”

Cocking his head, “I’m saying that the decision has to come from you,” the man asserted.

The volleyball player thought for a second, head shifting to look out the window in the wall that showed the practice court. He went through everything in his head. Modena is one of the best club teams, at the top of the SuperLega in Italy. Playing on that level was sure to increase his game sense. But he’d be hurting his national team by not practicing with them daily. Japan was already pushing the limit of staying on a competitive world level. But if he got that coaching from Giani…wouldn’t that even out the disparity of him leaving?

Then it hit him. He froze. Everything wiping away clean from his mind. 

He shook his head firmly, eyes fixed the same way they are during games right on the man across from him. “I don’t need to think about it. I’m gonna stay.”

There was a slight raise in the coach’s eyebrows as his head went back to lay on the head rest. “You came to the conclusion that quickly?”

Bokuto stood up, his knee pads rubbing against the chair. “This is my team. My family. There’s no telling what happens if I went, what I could learn, but I know that everything here would shift. Who would stop Hinata from hitting his head on door frames with random bursts of jumping energy? Who would pull back Atsumu from getting too excited and messing up timing on combinations? If I’m not here, then Kogane has no one to learn how to do a cross shot from the back of the line from. I think it would do my team more damage than good by leaving. There wouldn’t be enough time to resync together before the Olympics.”

Moving a hand up to rub the back of his head, a slight blush rose one his cheeks. “Also…my boyfriend is here. He’s the love of my life. I couldn’t ask him to give up everything to come with me, nor would I want to be apart from him for that long.”

The corners of his coach’s mouth pulled back just slightly, a wave of ease washing over. It was the most emotion Bokuto had ever seen from the man. 

“I won’t lie and say that I’m not happy or that I don’t think it’s the right choice. You’re the heart and soul of this team, Bokuto. You’re their ace. And if you’re not here to lead them to a win at the Olympics, then no one will.”

Bokuto’s entire essence almost blew up right there. “Th-thank you, coach. But it’s a team effort. We’ll win the Olympics together.”

Nodding, he leaned forward to grab his desk phone. “Then I’ll let them know. Thank you, Bokuto.”

The ace took that as his signal to leave. He walked out the door and back onto the court. 

Hinata went running past him, Bokuto shooting an arm out and stopping him from falling face first into the ground as his tripped on a rolling ball. 

“Thanks, Bokuto-san!”

The small man wiped his practice jersey before continuing his path to the other side of the gym. 

Bokuto smiled to himself.

Yeah, this is where he belonged. 

\------------

Bokuto brushed back Akaashi’s sweaty hair, their heartbeats slowing down and syncing together after the passion that just occurred. They slumped there, Akaashi wrapped around the larger man’s upper body.

“I feel like we haven’t slept in your bed in forever,” Akaashi mumbled through the heavy breathing.

Chuckling a bit, Bokuto buried his nose into the dark tresses before whispering, “That’s because you’re apartment is way better than mine.”

“Lies. Yours has better equipment and I like y’alls water pressure better.”

Bokuto laughed again, petting the head laying on him. “That’s fair.” It’s true that they tend to spend all their time at the musician’s apartment since it had more privacy, they weren’t even supposed to end up here tonight. But the restaurant they were at before had been closer to Bokuto’s place, and the volleyball player had been teasing Akaashi so much the whole night; whispering into his ear, letting the breath caress over the shell and hit the sensitive nerves, hands traveling incredibly high on his thighs, that Bokuto practically had to stop the smaller boy from ripping their clothes off in the parking lot. So they compromised and came here as quick as possible.

“Not sure if Kuro likes us being here.”

“Fuck him, I don’t care.”

Akaashi lifted his head, his signature smirk and eyebrow raise appearing. “You want me to fuck Kuro?”

Horror flashed across Bokuto’s face, eliciting the sweetest laugh from the pianist. “I’m kidding, love.”

A small inhale went through his lips as he realized what he said, a smile perking from Bokuto before he dragged him back down to squeeze him against his body.

“I love when you get all cute and flustered like that, Keijiiiiii.”

“Shut up," he mumbled, hiding his flushed face into Bokuto’s neck, "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Whatever you say, babe."

Content silence filtered through the room as they basked in one another's presence.

“You ready for your game tomorrow?”

The larger man gave an incoherent mumble, thoughts of tomorrow’s game bringing his mind rolling back to his talk with coach and the upcoming few months that came with the territory of his job.

The team managers had given them each a copy of the preliminary rough sheets for their training regiments, dietary restrictions, weigh-ins, practice matches etc - everything planned practically to the last minute from January to June. The looming date of trials siting over their heads like an ever present shadow both haunting and enticing them.

“Hey, Ji?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to let me take you away for your birthday this year?”

Akaashi’s nose ran up and down the man's neck. “That’s random. But why can’t we just stay in? You know I don’t like making a big deal about it.”

Arms tightened around him. “Because starting the beginning of the New Year, I don’t know how much time we’ll have with each other with my schedule,” Bokuto answered, his voice laced with a sorrowful undertone as he already envisioned the separation. “So I want to spoil you as much as I can in hopes that you don’t forget me.”

“Kou, you know there’s literally no way I could forget you, right?”

“Hmm, well either way, let me remind you how special you are for your birthday.”

Hands cupped his face, a satisfied purr coming from Akaashi as he leaned up and kissed him, whispering into his mouth, “You _always_ make me feel special, Koutarou. I hope I do the same to you.”

A devilish grin appeared on Bokuto’s face as he grinned down at him. “Mmm, I felt _very_ special with what you just did to me a little bit ago.”

Rolling his eyes, whispers of ‘intolerable’ coming from his mouth, Akaashi scooted back down to rest in the crevice of Bokuto’s head and shoulder.

It was Akaashi’s turn to break the silence. “Remember how I went to Sensei’s for dinner last Monday? He told me he’s going to tell Yasufumi that I should be conductor’s assistant.

Bokuto jolted, “What? Babe, that’s great! Why didn’t you tell me!” he exclaimed, body twisting to try and look at him better.

Akaashi shrugged, drawing circles into Bokuto’s chest with his finger. “I don’t want to get my hopes up,” he said quietly. “Don’t want to get too excited.”

“You’re allowed to feel excited, baby.”

He huffed, the breath tickling the hair on Bokuto’s pecs. “What if I fail?”

A hand tilted the pianist’s head up. “But what if you don’t?” Bokuto countered, encouragingly, running a thumb over his lips. “I don’t think you even _could_ fail. Music courses through you. If you get the chance, you’re going to own every second of it. Understand?”

Smiling, the pianist slowly moved up onto his arms and brought his legs over to straddle the athlete. His lips hovered just above the other’s. “Yes, sir,” he murmured, knowing full well what it does to his boyfriend.

The groan came right on queue.

“See how well you can already command me, Keiji?”

\-------------------

The crowd cheered as Japan scored a point.

“I would always miss receiving that cross in high school,” Daichi mused. “Looks like Bokuto’s only gotten stronger.”

“Aw, don’t worry, babe. Your muscles are the perfect size,” Suga cooed, cuddling into his arm. 

“That’s not-! Ugh, Suga.” Daichi tried to cover the red that bloomed on his face. 

Akaashi laughed at the couple. Kuro and Bokuto wanted their old rival to watch a few games to see if there were any nuances he thought a team could use to their advantage against them in the trials. The Karasuno captain always was good at seeing things from a different viewpoint. 

The musician was glad they could come with him. Kenma had gotten caught up in the studio for almost the entire week as his production team was working on a new album. As much as Akaashi loved watching Bokuto, he didn’t want to have to be in the stands alone. 

“Do you think the trials will be in their favor, Daichi?” he asked. 

With the Olympics being in Tokyo, Japan’s spot in the world competition was secured. But the trials would, in a way, ultimately decide their outcome. Based on how they do, it will determine which grouping they're in. A seed packed with all-stars will only kill them, knocking them out of the running for a medal early on. Every game during the trials was its own cog in the machine that they were building to land in the perfect bracket. 

The police officer hummed, “I took a look at the branches. More than likely, they’ll fly by the first two rounds, but they’ll probably play Sweden in the third. Depending on the outcome of the other brackets, if they lose that game, there’s only a slight chance they can still make it into Seed B if they play, and win, against China in the last round.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Akaashi mumbled. “China would already be tough to beat, and that’s only if all the pieces fall into place before that.”

Daichi nodded. “They’ve still got time, though. When’s the first round, May?”

“Yeah, but they still wanna make sure they work out any kinks now.”

“They look good. I would say that they just need to watch going to the same side so many times. Bokuto and Hinata are strong, but they don’t wanna wear them out too early. And Sakusa’s body shifts just slightly as he spikes, makes it easier to see the trajectory.”

“I’ll pass the message along.”

The match ended with Japan cutting it closer than expected. A lot of their combinations weren’t syncing and there were some miscalls from members. Akaashi had no doubt that their coach would work them hard in upcoming practices to make up for the missteps.

“You guys wanna go get lunch?” Akaashi asked Daichi and Suga as they waited outside the gym. 

“Sure.” 

When the team walked out, their emotions were mixed. Yes, they won, but the win was so narrow against a team that should have been a sure thing - it made them uneasy. They didn’t have time to be fumbling like this.

Giving Bokuto a quick kiss, "Good job, Kou," Akaashi smiled, looping an arm behind him.

The man pressed his mouth down, dejected. “Should’ve been better.”

Akaashi rubbed consoling circles into the athlete's back as they walked to a small restaurant to eat. Kuro and Bokuto were already drilling Daichi on anything he could gleam, the three boys reverting back to high school club days and joking rivalry. 

Suga turned to Akaashi as the waiter dropped their food off. “By the way, did you hear the rumor going around?”

He shook his head, “No? What?”

“One of the clarinetists _swears_ he heard Yasufumi and Goshiki in a screaming match the other day.”

Akaashi’s eyes widened, “What? What were they fighting about?”

“He couldn’t tell,” the violinist shrugged, taking a bite of his soba. “But interesting enough that they’d be screaming like that at all, no?”

Akaashi gave an absentminded nod. It wasn’t uncommon to have bickering amongst colleagues, but with the conductor? And so loud that people can hear you through closed doors? Akaashi’s head was already spinning with what the argument could’ve been about. 

Lunch seemed to lighten the volleyball player’s mood, but the second they parted ways from Suga and Daichi, Kuro and Bokuto were back to having a haunting look on their faces. 

“What are you thinking, Bo?” Kuro murmured, face turned down at the ground, hands in his pockets as they began the walk home. 

Bokuto sighed, his hand tightening hard around Akaashi’s.

“I think it’s all going to come down to the Sweden game. And we better win it when it comes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we goooo next arc woot woot, how y’all feeling? 
> 
>   
> So a lot of you liked the idea of me doing another room rendering like I did for Akaashi’s apartment so I’m gonna do another! If there’s any room/scene that you wanna see let me know! I have an idea of which I wanna do, but def want to know what y’all are thinking.  
> 
> 
> Happy Friday and much love to you all as always ❤️


	42. Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He slammed his hands into the keys, mashing as many notes as he could together on it. Some people say its bad luck to do that. But Akaashi didn’t care. He was furious.

Honey eyes groggily opened as Bokuto heard his phone alarm vibrate next to him. He leaned over to quickly shut it off, plopping his head back down on the pillow as he woke himself up. 

It was still dark, the sun not yet rising at the wee hour of 5:00am. He was exhausted. Akaashi and he didn’t exactly go to bed at a decent hour the night before….What could he say, he just couldn’t keep his hands off his boyfriend. Not when he shot him puppy dog eyes and trapped his lower lip in between his teeth…Bokuto was so whipped. Combine that with the onslaught of practices they had to make up for last week’s game and his entire body was aching.

Sighing into the darkness, he steeled himself, untangling the leg wrapped in his and gently removing the arm slung across his waist. 

He slowly got off the bed, trying not to wake the sleeping figure beside him. A hand grabbed his arm before he could walk further away. 

Akaashi’s voice was still half asleep. “Nooo,” he whined, “Don’t go.”

Squeezing their hands, Bokuto whimpered, “Auh, baby, don’t do that to me.” It’s not like he wanted to go. Looking at his boyfriend wearing one of the volleyball player’s oversized sweatshirts was already hard enough to pull away from. “I have to go to practice.”

He saw Akaashi’s lower lip pout, eyes still closed. “But it’s so cold without you.”

Grinning, he released their hands to flip over the side of the comforter he was just under, scrunching it around Akaashi. He leaned on him and kissed his nose. “Better?”

“Mmm, better,” he mumbled, still basically asleep under the cocoon of blankets.

Bokuto shook his head with a smirk and walked over to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and relieving himself before heading out to throw on his practice clothes. 

Once he donned the athletic gear, he trudged back over to the bed, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and kissing his forehead. “I gotta go now, babe, I love you.”

Akaashi did his best to wrap his arms around Bokuto’s shoulders in the darkness. “Love you too,” he mumbled sleepily, “Have a good practice.”

Kissing him one last time, Bokuto slipped on his sneakers and smiled all the way to practice. 

\--------------

“Akaashi!”

He halted mid-sentence to Kiyoko, turning to see Yachi running down the hallway towards them.

“Yachi? What are you doing, aren’t you supposed to be in rehearsal for the jazz concert tomorrow?” She skidded to a stop in front of them, placing her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.

“You should – huff – come quick,” she panted. She straightened once she found her breath. “Goshiki is trying to fire Tenshin and change the piece?”

“What?” he said, already moving to the group practice room, “What makes him think he can do that?”

Yachi was jogging to keep up with him. “Tenshin is still recovering from his wrist injury and he messed up on one or two parts so Goshiki went off the rails on him! Exclaiming how ‘This isn’t professional’ and he should ‘Suck it up.’ He’s trying to replace ‘Cool Eyes’ with ‘Theme de Yoyo’.”

“’Theme de Yoyo’? That piece has no piano. And it’s not even in the guidelines of the competition since they removed vocalists!”

He pushed open the door, seeing the small group that was set to play in the yearly jazz competition. It was a smaller competition with guidelines in place to make it a bit fairer amongst the groups - pieces played had to fit within them or risk disqualification. Groups were smaller due to Jazz’s nature, and it was tradition for the NSO’s assistant conductor to lead. Goshiki had yet to secure a win in the competition.

The understudy was handing out sheet music to the group, skipping over the trumpet player he had yelled at earlier.

“What’s going on here,” Akaashi asked, crossing his arms.

Goshiki glanced behind him, boredly, “None of your concern, Akaashi. You’re not affected by this, so please leave.”

“When my second pianist is coming to me with issues, then it becomes my problem. You can’t fire a player, Goshiki, you don’t have that authority. Nor can you switch out a piece this late before competition, the program is already set.”

“That didn’t stop the Sapporo group from doing it last year. And look who came in first, they did.”

“They got permission to do that when the publisher called in their copywriter claim,” Akaashi refuted. “They had no choice. This is a completely different situation.”

“Akaashi,” he said, “Are you a member of this group? No. You pawned the task off to Yachi. Is it so beneath you to play jazz that you gave her the task? Or are you really just a sore loser because _I’m_ the one leading it.”

Akaashi froze. Now it all made sense. Why Goshiki and Yasufumi had gotten into an argument last week. It was because of _him_. Takahiro must’ve sent the letter to Yasufumi. This is exactly why he didn’t want to say anything in the first place. Now he’s taking it out on Akaashi’s student, and colleagues.

  
  
And he was having such a good day up until now.

  
  
He ground his teeth. “You have no authority to be making decisions like this, Goshiki. No matter how much power you think you have.”

“ _I’m_ conducting this group, I can do what I want. Tenshin. Get out.”

“Sit down, Tenshin,” Akaashi gritted. The trumpet player sat back down abruptly.

Goshiki glared.

“Don’t think I’m trying to undermine you, Goshiki," he disputed. "Tenshin is the best jazz trumpet and you know it, even with his wrist right now. He’s been in this competition longer than you have. You’d be even more screwed without him.” He walked up to the guitar player’s stand, snatching the music off of it. “And this piece,” he held it up, “Was used five years ago _by us_ and won first place, _before_ the guideline modification. You use this tomorrow and not only will you be disqualified for a change of piece without authorization, but you’ll look like fools trying to copy what’s already been done.”

Goshiki took a few steps forward, bringing his face right up to Akaashi’s. His voice went low. “You think you’re all that, don’t you Akaashi? Well then, tell me why you’ll never be more than just some pianist who needs his Daddy to fight his battles for him.”

“Says the one who’s Uncle got him his position,” Akaashi spat back.

“Maybe,” Goshiki mused, “but get it through your head. I’m not going anywhere,” he spoke each word with its own emphasis. “So why don’t you drop this false hope that one day you’ll be anything more than the lackluster pianist you are now.”

It was a slap to the face if there ever was one. Was the temperature turned up in the room or was Akaashi’s blood boiling? He wanted to knock the guy’s nose in. He wanted to throw him into the wall. He wanted to say he was wrong. 

Instead, he clenched his jaw and turned to the group. “Let me make myself clear.” He pointed at the conductor. “He has no authority to fire anyone. He has no authority to change pieces that Yasufumi himself chose. And no _good_ conductor, treats his band members like this. If I were you, I would leave him high and dry tomorrow and make him look like a fool. But because I know you all are much better people than that, just know, that you don’t play for him. You play for yourselves. For the audience. And for the NSO.”

He turned, storming past the death glare Goshiki was sending him.

“Akaashi…” Yachi murmured as he walked past her.

He stopped, placing a hand on the girl’s head. “There’s nothing in the rules that says improvisation isn’t allowed, its jazz after all. Even if he switches the piece, just improvise the best you can,” he said. And walked away.

He slammed the door shut to a practice room, punching one of the walls with so much force, he was afraid he would break it, or his hand. It would definitely be bruised. 

He screamed, thankful for the new soundproof paneling in the rooms. They weren’t one hundred percent, but it was enough to cancel out the majority of it. 

Huffing, he stared at the piano. It just looked like a traitor to him right now. It was the last thing he wanted to look at. He slammed his hands into the keys, mashing as many notes as he could together on it. Some people say its bad luck to do that. But Akaashi didn’t care. He was furious. Furious at Goshiki. Furious at Yasufumi for allowing such an imbecile to act this way. Furious at the NSO and his job. Furious at himself.

He tried to distract himself. Tried to actually play the piano. Not surprising that every song that came out was baroque and depressing and just in the lowest ranges possible. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Couldn’t stop hearing the words over and over in his head.

_‘You’ll never be anything more than the lackluster pianist you are now.’_

And he would just hit the keys all over again. 

Is this all his life was? Just an endless repeat of rehearsals, and lessons, and gigs, and never anything else?

Maybe he _was_ meant to just be a pianist all his life.

Maybe his dad was right and he never should have pursued music.

Maybe he should just quit.

He stayed in that windowless room for what felt like forever. Just laid on the bench, his head hanging off the side of it.

He could hear his phone vibrating. But he had chucked his jacket in the corner of the room at some point and didn’t have the energy to get up to check it. It stopped eventually. His eyes drifted close every now and then, clearly exhausted from all the anger. But he still didn’t move, didn’t get up from that bench. 

He didn’t even answer when he heard the knock on the door.

  
  
It sounded again.

  
  


“Go away,” he grumbled.

“I know you’re in there, babe,” Bokuto said through the door. It opened hesitantly. Akaashi stared up at him upside down from the bench. 

“Hiya.”

“Hi.” 

“Whatcha doing there,” Bokuto asked, his hands in his pockets. 

Akaashi shrugged best he could lying down. “Oh you know, lying on a beach.”

“Weird beach.” Bokuto knelt down, “You’re gonna hurt your neck like that.”

Closing his eyes, Akaashi sighed through his nose. “What are you doing hearing, Kou?”

“Date night.”

His eyes shot open. “Shit,” he said, finally moving to sit up properly on the bench, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Bokuto shrugged. “I called Suga once you didn’t answer your phone. Yachi told him what happened, who in turn, told me," his voice was laced with sympathy. "He could hear which room you were in.”

Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, “It’s just so frustrating, Kou,” Akaashi groaned. “I had to stand there as he basically spat in my face and I couldn’t do anything about it!” He sighed, dropping his hands to his lap. His eyes didn't meet his boyfriend’s. “And now I just can’t help but hear what he said again and again. Is this all I’m good for?” he asked, a bit softer. 

“Hey,” Bokuto whispered, moving forward to take the depressed face in his hands. “You can do anything you want to," he assured. "You can’t lose sight of what really matters, how you want your music heard. Ok? Don’t listen to him, he’s just jealous because he knows you’re better than him.” He brushed the bangs out of his eyes. 

“I know I am, so why haven’t I gone anywhere yet.”

Tilting Akaashi’s head so he could look at him, “Because you’re a good person who doesn’t play dirty to get what they want, you’re going to do it with your own two hands,” Bokuto said, earnestly. “You will get there, baby, I promise. They’re gonna see just how good you are, and maybe it will be too late for them, they'll regret never giving you the shot, but I know you are more than capable of making it there. You have to believe that too.”

Akaashi’s mouth pouted a bit. It would’ve been cute if Bokuto didn’t know how much despair was emanating inside of him. “I don’t really feel like I will make it right now.”

“Hey,” Bokuto soothed, “I know I don’t understand a lot of the logistics, but your music cuts me deep in my soul. Anything you make casts a spell on everyone who listens to it. _I_ see that. Your _sensei_ sees that. But _you_ need to see that. You need to keep fighting for it because everyone needs to hear it. One day, you’ll be up there leading your own orchestra. I know it.”

Eyebrows furrowing, “I’m just so mad though,” Akaashi huffed. “I’m just so fucking pissed at that asshole.”

“Yeah, that must’ve sucked,” his boyfriend agreed. “And you’re allowed to be mad. And scream and punch, so we have two options here. I can either take you to the gym and you can punch a boxing bag, or we can go home and you can scream out your window.”

Akaashi thought a second before peaking at his boyfriend. “Can we do both?” he mumbled.

“Hell yeah we can, come on.” He reached his hand out, Akaashi grabbing it as he got off the bench. He hissed. 

Releasing his grip, Bokuto stared at the pianist’s delicate hand in his palm. “Keiji, what the hell did you?” he asked, seeing the purple and brown bruises blossoming on his knuckles. 

The musician turned his head, mumbling something.

“What?”

“I punched a wall.”

Bokuto stared at him, his mouth cracking a smile before laughing. He brought the hand to his lips as he continued to chuckle, placing a gentle kiss to them. 

“Alright, no boxing bag for you. But I promise I’ll let you scream until you have no voice.”

He grabbed Akaashi’s discarded jacket with his other hand, looking his boyfriend in the eye, all the admiration in the world stored in them. “Gotta keep your precious hands in tiptop order. How else will you get to where you want to be?” he smirked. 

Akaashi was still upset, still so at a lost. 

But having his boyfriend there to ground him, to support him and validate him, made him feel a bit more under control.

And eventually he let his anger go out the window. 

Literally.

\--------------------

Weeks passed by and it was all Akaashi could do to hold his tongue in at rehearsal. Yasufumi had called him into his office, laid it out on the table that there was nothing he could do at the moment while Goshiki held the position. He tried finding a way around it, but the contract that Goshiki signed clearly defined him being the one to assist the conductor in all capacities. He recommended just continuing his lessons with Takahiro and learning as much as he could for the time being.

It didn’t necessarily convince him that the NSO valued him.

So he kept quiet, went to rehearsal, played his events, practiced for the End of Year Gala. A silent cross to bear on his back while he acted like the model orchestra member.

Bokuto did his best to cheer him up. They did end up going away for Akaashi’s birthday, as always Bokuto knowing exactly what to do for the love of his life. The trip served as a distraction from the orchestra, and a celebration for Akaashi in the best way he knew how – by staying in exactly like the birthday boy wanted, i.e. not letting him leave the bed once. There wasn’t an inch on Akaashi’s body that his boyfriend’s lips didn’t touch by the end of the trip. Akaashi could’ve stayed there forever.

But alas, they had to go back, Akaashi another year older and the city waiting for them to return to their jobs in the hectic holiday season. Akaashi spent Christmas with the Bokuto’s this year, something they had meant to do last year but was halted by their brief break. A moment that seemed like ages ago.

But he did have a post-Christmas / late birthday dinner with his mom. And Bokuto was invited. Poor guy was so nervous about it, each time he picked his glass up, Akaashi could see the water shaking inside. The whole dinner was tense, but cordial. Not heartwarming and eager. Cordial. With hesitant smiles and polite compliments. But it was a start. Mayumi even gave Bokuto a hug when they parted.

He almost shat himself right there.

And before they knew it, it was the New Year. And just like that, their moment of rest and comfort gone as they trudged into pre-trial season. Akaashi had Bokuto’s training schedule taped up onto his fridge, dates circled where they thought they could have solid outings other than the brief meetings before sleep.

Midway through January and they had seen each other once. Tonight was the first solid night they were going to be able meet up. 

The groan came through the door before he even heard the key turning in the lock. 

He stared from the couch as Bokuto let himself in with a huff, pure exhaustion on his face, dumping his volleyball bag on the ground and shuffling forward to the couch, plopping onto his stomach so that his head was in Akaashi’s lap. 

He cocked an eyebrow at the act. “Rough day?” he asked, trying to hide the smile. 

Bokuto just groaned again in response, his eyes already closing and arms wrapping around Akaashi’s waist. 

Chuckling, Akaashi just absentmindedly ran his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, still a bit damp from his shower after practice and not nearly as gelled as it usually is. He had expected the night to go like this. But he didn’t mind, even just being in the same room was enough for him. 

He went back to watching the TV, slowly running his hand down Bokuto’s back and making little circles into the muscles. 

Bokuto yelped when Akaashi hit a knot right next to his shoulder blade. 

“Ah, sorry,” Akaashi apologized, pressing a little bit more around the knot. “You’re really tight, Kou.”

The volleyball player let out a deep groan that verged on the brink of pain. “Usually I would make a sex joke if you said that, but I’m so tired and sore, baby, I can’t even think,” he whined into Akaashi’s shirt. 

“Did you have Iwaizumi look at your back? Why do you have so many knots all of a sudden?”

“He usually needles them after practice, but he had to go to some conference this week to keep his license up.”

“Geez, Kou, you should’ve gone to a doctor then.”

“Nooo,” he whined again, his voice already laced with sleep. He hated doctors. 

Akaashi just let it be, softly stroking his back and feeling all the tense spots, each one making him frown more. He gradually kneaded a little harder trying to work them out, Bokuto letting out little sighs every once in a while. 

He really tried to concentrate, really did try to pay full attention to the drama he was watching. But how the hell could he when he had his very large, very hot, boyfriend draped across his lap with his huge muscles under his touch?

Akaashi was only human after all. 

He leaned forward, pressing gentle kisses down Bokuto’s shoulder, still rubbing his back. He sucked on the point right where his neck met his shirt collar. 

“Whatcha doing there, Ji,” Bokuto mumbled.

“Hmm? Oh, just, you know, admiring the view.” He brought his lips to the shell of Bokuto’s ear, giving it the faintest hint of a kiss before whispering, “You know, I can give you an actual massage if you want.”

Akaashi’s hand were dangerously close to Bokuto’s butt. A mixed sound came out of the volleyball player's mouth for the fiftieth time. “Babeee, you’re making my dick hurt, and there’s no way I can have sex tonight.”

Laughing, “Why does everything have to go there for you?” Akaashi asked. “For real, let me get these knots out for you.” He tapped the man’s hips, trying to get him to get up. Bokuto griped a ‘no’ and held on tighter to Akaashi’s waist. 

“It’s gonna hurrttt.”

“It’s gonna hurt more if you leave them in and they get bigger. You really wanna face Iwaizumi’s wrath when he gets back?”

Bokuto tensed even more, but he still wasn’t moving. 

Akaashi could already imagine the million texts he’d be getting in the upcoming week about how much pain the volleyball player’s back was in. He loved the man, but the bulk texts were a lot sometimes during work.

He leaned down again, “You may not be able to have sex, but my mouth is perfectly fine. I’ll blow you if you let me get them out for you.”

Bokuto didn’t move for a second. Akaashi honestly thought the ploy wouldn’t work before Bokuto was suddenly swinging his legs off the couch and grabbing the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head. 

“Well how am I supposed to say no to that?” He grinned. 

Akaashi looked up at him, his head tilting in captivation. “You know, it’s really not fair that your muscles are this big,” he said, admiring Bokuto’s pecs. 

The man bent down, one hand on the back of the couch, the other on the arm rest. He kissed Akaashi. “Enjoying the view again?” he smirked.

“Mhm,” came a hum. “Now go lay down on the bed,” Akaashi ordered, moving him to the side and going to the bathroom. “And take your pants off!” he called out. 

“So demanding, Keiji, I like it!” Bokuto laughed. 

Coming back with a bottle in his hand, “You know, Suga gave me this as a joke one year and I never thought I’d get to use it,” Akaashi mused.

Bokuto had his arms wrapped around a pillow as he watched, “What is it?”

“Body oil,” Akaashi smirked. 

“I don’t know whether to be excited or scared.” 

“Probably both.” 

He put the bottle on the nightstand, rubbing some between his hands as he went to straddle Bokuto’s waist. He gently placed his hands on his back, the sound Bokuto made was unfair. 

His boyfriend had always been built, obviously his job demanded it. But his shoulders were always bulging compared to everything else, and seeing them on clear view underneath Akaashi had his pants tightening. 

_Damn, his boyfriend was hot._

Nimble hands ran all over, carefully aware of the larger knots and any hiss that came out of Bokuto’s mouth. He gripped the shoulders, spreading the oil all the way down to his lower back, digging his thumbs into the muscles. He deftly worked out the knots, slowly going back and forth. He took his time, admiring the divots in the man’s back leading to his ass, the curve to his spine, the muscles that flexed slightly as he dug his fingers in. He was disappointed when he felt that he was almost done, had gotten most of them out, but the larger ones would have to be worked out by someone better suited for the job.

“Geez, Keiji, I think you’re missing your calling.”

Akaashi smiled, “I think it’s only good _because_ of my job. I have very strong fingers, you know.”

“Mmm, I _love_ your fingers. They feel so good,” he rumbled.

Leaning forward, whispering, “Which do you like better though, my hands or my mouth,” Akaashi asked, placing open mouth kisses down the thick neck and on those god forsaken shoulders. He bit gently at the junction. 

“Fuck,” Bokuto let out breathily. “This is so not fair.”

Akaashi kept kissing down his back, a bit of the oil going onto his lips, hands playing with the waistband of Bokuto’s black boxers. 

“What do you mean?”

Bokuto finally lifted himself on his arms and twisted to look at him. “Because all I wanna do is fuck you now,” the desire in his eyes going straight to the smaller man's groin.

Biting his lip, Akaashi debated it. He _really_ wanted to feel all those muscles flex under his touch, and it had been a bit since their last night together, but the last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to get hurt or to be in more pain from the knots still left. He lifted off the hips, shifting forward to kiss the man deeply and motioning for him to get on his back. He mumbled against their lips, “Next time.”

He hooked his hands into Bokuto’s boxers, pulling them off his legs. Bokuto was half hard. 

Dancing his hands down the muscular thighs, he stared up through his eyelashes, leaning forward to kiss just above the man’s cock; on the inside of his legs; nipping on his hips, side eyeing as he saw Bokuto get harder and harder without even touching him. Pants were coming from his boyfriend.

He finally wrapped his smooth hand around the shaft, Bokuto sighing at the contact. He was just as restless as his boyfriend, pumping him a few times before eagerly taking him in his mouth, oil mixing with his saliva to glide down easily. A deep rumble came from Bokuto’s chest, it set off every nerve in Akaashi's body.

He looked up, locking their eyes as he bobbed faster, his fist held tightly at the base of the shaft. He popped off to catch his breath, not breaking eye contact as he licked the head dripping with precum. Rough hands found their way into his hair, the owner biting his lip as he watched Akaashi’s tongue dart out to catch the liquid pearling. 

The musician finally took him back in, all the way down to the hilt. 

“Ngh!” Bokuto exclaimed, feeling the tip of his cock hit the back of Akaashi’s throat. Bokuto would never stop thanking above for how talented his boyfriend was with his mouth.

Humming in contentment, Akaashi dug his nose into Bokuto’s groin, felt the hips below him trying to buck up a bit. 

Placing one hand on Bokuto’s thigh, he lifted up quickly, bobbing and sucking hard as he went the entire length, kept his movements going, egged on by the rasps coming out of the man's mouth. He could taste the oil that was on his lips, could feel Bokuto pulse around him as he hollowed out his checks and let his tongue run all over. A string of spit from his lips stayed connected to the cock as he slid off. He glanced up. Bokuto’s head was tilted back on the pillow, his hands still gripping into Akaashi’s head.

Akaashi was honestly surprised the man had lasted this long with how much time has been in between their last night together. But he didn't mind. Wanted to draw this out for as long as possible. The number of circles on the calendar were limited. He would make each one last as long as they could. He slowed down the pumps he made with hand, staring up at his boyfriend and the absolute _wrecked_ look on his face.

“Fuck, Keiji,” he pet Akaashi's head, rubbing all around, gentle thrusts of his hips trying to get back into the warm mouth. “Come on, baby, please.”

For all the times Bokuto made Akaashi beg, Akaashi only had half on getting Bokuto to beg for him. The athlete just usually liked to take the reins, liked to pleasure his boyfriend to bring himself satisfaction. But Akaashi couldn't deny that he liked the thrill of getting such a powerful man to plead for him.

And he was going to bask in it.

He tilted his head, pushing back into the hands in his hair as he pumped languidly, drawing an innocent look in his eyes. “What’s that, love? I didn’t hear you.”

The hands tightened in his hair, Bokuto’s head falling back again. “Damn it, Keiji, please!” The man’s cock was throbbing in Akaashi’s hand. If only he could put those whines in his symphony.

He moved his head back down, taking him to the hilt. He was planning on teasing him more, maybe come up off quickly again, but the hands on him tightened, fisting in his hair and held him there. His throat gagged around the shaft, a strangled choke coming from him before the hands released.

Bokuto was panting. “Sorry, I-”

“Don’t be, its ok,” Akaashi assured, his own breathing picking up before returning back to the cock and bobbing quickly. Bokuto guided his head, murmurs coming from his mouth at the sight of his boyfriend taking him in so well. Akaashi saw the telltale sign of the muscle right by Bokuto’s hip pulse.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so good," Bokuto moaned, "Your mouth is so _fucking good_. I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum-”

Akaashi bobbed quicker, the chanting urging him on. He was fully prepared to take all of Bokuto’s cum in his mouth when the hand pulled his head off at the last second, cum shooting up onto Akaashi’s face and all over Bokuto’s chest.

“Fuck,” Bokuto huffed, drawing an arm over his eyes. His chest heaved. “Holy fucking shit, Ji.”

Staring up at him, seeing how satisfied his boyfriend looked, whispers of _his_ name coming from his lips, cum splayed all over his body...Akaashi couldn’t help but feel proud. Possessive. 

Bokuto met his look.

“What,” he drawled, breath still heavy.

Akaashi grinned up at him, still in between his legs, head leaning on Bokuto’s thigh. Bokuto took his thumb and wiped at some of the cum on the boy's chin.

“Remember how you were worried I’d forget you while we got through trials?”

Bokuto's eyes narrowed, “Yeahhh?”

“I’m gonna remember this view for the rest of my life.”

[Cool Eyes](https://youtu.be/73pex5SGd0Y)

[Theme de Yoyo](https://youtu.be/PppJOrnVtkg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guysssss IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LONG BUT I COULDNT STOPPPPP. 
> 
> I just ugh, I couldn’t get it out of my head.
> 
> For the record, the very first scene of this chapter has been one of my favorites for such a long time and its moved so many times and I’m so glad I finally figured out where to land it.
> 
> Also, I just want y'all to know that those two jazz songs were hard to find because (and I'll say it for the millionth time) I. DONT. DO. JAZZ. no jazz for me. no thank you. I don't like.


	43. Knockout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had already begun to feel the strains of Bokuto’s practice schedule. These days, it was all Bokuto could do to get back from practice at a decent enough hour to eat dinner with Akaashi, let alone stay up like this and talk.

Moonlight streamed across the room, shadows rippled over the comforter as Akaashi rolled Bokuto’s fingers in his. 

“If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?”

Bokuto exhaled, thinking. He watched as his boyfriend played with his right hand, his volleyball fingers mimicking keys for the pianist. “That ramen place in Osaka.” He let out chuckles when Akaashi gave a scoff, not the type of answer he was expecting. “Probably Spain. Or Greece.” He adjusted his other arm so it was under his head. “You?”

Akaashi shrugged against him, his cheek warm against Bokuto’s bare shoulder. “I think it would be cool to go to America. Maybe see California?”

A rumble came from Bokuto’s chest. “Long flight.”

Tilting his head to look up at him. “Because Spain is so much shorter?” Akaashi challenged, a grin on his face.

“That’s fair. But see," he moved his fingers to intertwine with Akaashi’s, gripping them tightly. "This right here is all I’ll ever wanna be. Laying in this bed, you in my arms after having _amazing_ sex,” he grinned while placing kisses all over his boyfriend’s face, the other giggling underneath him. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he whispered, staring into the ocean blue eyes.

Akaashi smiled into their lips. “But Spain would be pretty cool.”

“Yeah, Spain would be pretty cool,” he admitted. 

This was one of their favorite things to do. Every so often, they both hit a night where they just couldn’t sleep, either one rolling around uncomfortable before finally just huffing and looking at the ceiling, defeated. But they didn’t really care that they couldn’t fall asleep once they saw that the other was up too.

So they would just talk. About random things mostly, whatever came to mind. It always took Akaashi back to the night that they started dating, granted, with just them knowing. The night that Bokuto stayed up till morning with the panicking Akaashi just to answer any question he had about his apartment. And even to this day, they still found love and joy in just talking with one another. Everything was endless, they never grew bored of just knowing what was on the others mind, or what new likings they’ve taken on.

Akaashi had never felt more content in his life. 

With time to spend together being so limited, he could only thank above when he saw his boyfriend was just as awake as he was that night. Rare, considering how exhausted the athlete has been. Bokuto credited it to a late in the day coffee run that kept his heart pounding nonstop. 

Letting go of their hands, Akaashi ran one through the loose black and white strands of hair. “You should keep your hair down more often,” he murmured. 

“What? No, baby, no. Do not make me do that. The only reason it’s even down right now is because I was late enough getting here. And I wasn't gonna cancel on you again.”

Akaashi chuckled. “I’m not gonna make you do anything.” He grinned, drawing up to kiss the man and whisper against his lips. “I just think you look _extremely_ handsome with it falling so _innocently_ into your eyes. So _dreamy._ But then again, you always look good.”

“Mmm, nice save,” Bokuto teased.

They had already begun to feel the strains of Bokuto’s practice schedule. These days, it was all Bokuto could do to get back from practice at a decent enough hour to eat dinner with Akaashi, let alone stay up like this and talk.

A few circles on the calendar had gotten scratched out - cancelled dates and last minute schedule changes. He missed the sweet twinkle in his boyfriend’s laugh. Missed feeling the goosebumps appear on his arms as he kissed down the porcelain skin. Heck, he even missed when the pianist would deep dive into some music theory that Bokuto couldn’t understand a lick of, but loved seeing him get so worked up and passionate about. So when he looked at the time after getting out of the shower at the gym, he didn’t hesitate to forgo the time it took to style his hair in order to dash over to his boyfriend's.

  
  
“I love you,” Bokuto whispered. Prickles went down Akaashi’s back, he’ll never get tired of hearing those words come out of this man’s mouth.

“You should come with me for those team pictures next tomorrow,” Bokuto stated, memorizing the picture of Akaashi laying on him as he ran his hand up and down his side. 

“Am I allowed to?”

He shrugged. “I don’t see why not. There are visitors there all the time. It could make up for me cancelling that movie night with you. We’d get to spend some more time together, maybe we go get lunch after. When do you have lessons to give?”

Akaashi thought a moment, his fingers still running across Bokuto’s hair. “Not till later in the afternoon, I think. Sure, it’ll be fun. More ammo to make fun of you with,” he smirked. 

Bokuto brought his arm around and rolled closer, hugging the smaller boy tightly. “You really are the devil sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know,” Akaashi snickered, trying to get his head out of the hold. “But you love me,” he managed. 

The arms around him released, “Damn right I do.”

They went back to lying in silence for a moment, Akaashi now running his hands across Bokuto’s chest. 

“Which would you rather have, a kangaroo or a giraffe?”

“This question again, Kou?”

\----------

“Babe, come on! We gotta go!”

Akaashi grabbed his jacket after exiting the bathroom, one hand in his hair as he tried to get it out of his face. “Not my fault _someone_ distracted me this morning and gave me a late start.”

His boyfriend smirked, holding the front door open. “I don’t think I can really tell the photographer that I was late because I was busy waking you up with a blowjob.”

Akaashi cocked his head, his face completely serious. “Can’t we?” he questioned, walking out the door.

“Don’t you dare,” Bokuto threatened, eyes wide while closing the door behind them. 

The studio the national team took their marketing photos in wasn’t far from their practice site. It was a tall office building downtown that multiple companies used, the halls were crowded with people rushing about as the two made their way up to the 12th floor where the marketing office set up shop in. 

It was already pretty hectic when they walked in. A team of stylists had all the jerseys lined up on racks to the left, extra gear to use as props sitting on the tables by the walls next to them. The majority of the room was taken up by a huge, wide, white backdrop with light shutters in front of it. Most of the volleyball players were already on the opposite side of the room, getting what looked like powder put on their faces. 

“Oh, I am never letting you live this down,” Akaashi laughed, squeezing Bokuto’s hand.

Bokuto blushed before shoving Akaashi’s shoulder. “Shut up. I gotta go get ready. All that stuff over there is up for grabs.”

He gave Akaashi a quick kiss before walking over to the rest of the group. Sakusa shot him an exasperated look, obviously hating whenever they had to do this, so opposite to Atsumu who looked like couldn’t get enough of the attention being put on him. The poor girl that was getting Hinata ready was doing her best to fix his hair as he jumped up and down, her face grinning painfully through the anxiousness. 

  
  
Bokuto clasped Kuro’s hand as a girl directed him to a tall chair to sit in.

Akaashi made his way over to the refreshments table, grabbing some coffee. It was interesting getting to see this side of Bokuto’s job. He had always seen the pictures, but never really thought about Bokuto actually _taking_ them. He wouldn’t lie in thinking that he was bit excited to see his boyfriend attempt to pose for a camera. 

A man walked into the room holding a huge lens, looking like a walking contradiction. He was wearing jeans with rips down the thighs, with what looked like sequin tights underneath. His shirt was a loose, white, ruffled garment that looked like it was from the 1800s, and a long black jacket hung off his shoulders like a cape. To top it off, he was wearing cowboy boots. Akaashi wasn’t sure whether to be concerned, or fascinated that he was somehow able to pull it all together. Wasn’t very surprising though. Akaashi never really understood haute fashion, but he figured this guy was straight off the runway. 

“There are my favorite boys!” he called out, spreading his hands as he walked over to the team. He kissed Kageyama on both cheeks, the boy immediately turning red and going ramrod straight. “I’m looking for fierce, _ravishing,_ athletes that are gonna boost national interest and make ticket sales sky rocket!” He sang the last bit, his voice going into a vibrato that even Akaashi was impressed with. This guy was a character. He liked it. 

It didn’t take long for the team to get into the jerseys for the shoot. Akaashi got to chat with some of the guys here and there as they fluttered through the studio, Oikawa cooing over him and trying to get him to take pictures with him. Iwaizumi dragged him away, eyes apologizing over his shoulder.

Everything was happening at once in a constant rotation of movement; the photographer’s team dressing and finishing the guys for individual shots and then switching them in and out as the photographer took pictures with different combinations of the guys. Jerseys were changed, props thrown in and out, hair and makeup members ran in between the shots to fix a piece of hair out of place or dab on a bit more shine control.

It was an interesting process, Akaashi had to admit. And it must’ve been hard, way more difficult than he would’ve guessed; the flash constantly going off, blinding the players as the eccentric man called out different things like “more curiosity”, “more glow”, “relax your cheeks”, “bigger muscles.”

The wink Bokuto shot him when he was standing there, holding a volleyball straight at the camera in one hand, almost made Akaashi faint.

Shaking his head, he walked over to grab more coffee when someone came up to him.

“Are you new to the team?”

Akaashi looked up. The guy in front of him was a bit taller than him, his sandy hair making his green eyes pop as he stood there with a slight smile. “Oh, no, just here to support my boyfriend.”

“Ah, sorry.” Green eyes swept up and down Akaashi’s body. “You have a look to you that made it seem like you were part of the marketing team. I’m Haru,” he said, holding his hand out. 

“Akaashi.”

The man leaned a hand on the table, his other hand on his cocked hip. “So what _do_ you do?”

Akaashi looked at him skeptically. He didn’t really like how close this guy was to him....

“I’m a pianist.”

Haru’s eyes widened, sincere interest on his face, “Oh wow, that’s awesome. Have you ever had your portrait taken or gotten headshots done?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t really need them.”

“That’s a shame,” Haru replied, eyes twinkling a bit. “Well I could take some anyways if you want. We could go grab dinner afterwards?” His eyebrow raised in questioning. 

Akaashi looked back at him, stunned, his own eyes narrowing. “Did you not hear me say I’m here for my boyfriend?”

The man shrugged, looking up at all the players taking a team photo. “One of those guys?” he scoffed. “Come on. I’ve been on enough sets to know their type by now. They’re either cheating behind their partners backs, doing it for show, or just need someone to bide their time with. A knockout like you doesn’t wanna waste time with someone like that, do you?”

“Cause you’re so much better, huh?”

“Come to dinner with me and find out,” he winked.

“Let me make this clear,” Akaashi said, setting his coffee down. “I’m never going to go out with you. I love my boyfriend very much. And you kinda seem like a sleezebag, not gonna lie. When someone says they’re in a relationship, you don’t keep trying,” he declared, firmly, crossing his arms. 

An arm slung around his shoulder. “Problem over here?” Bokuto asked, a growl laced under the friendly concern. Akaashi could see the rest of the team scattered about changing, the shoot obviously finished.

Akaashi smiled sweetly. “Nope, just making new friends. Haru, this is my boyfriend.”

Haru’s mouth was slightly gaped, he’d obviously never been turned down like this before. He recovered and held his hand out. “Nice to meet you,” he squeaked. 

“Likewise.”

Akaashi didn’t miss the slight wince Haru made when Bokuto squeezed his hand. 

Clearing his throat, “Well, I should probably get back to work then,” Haru said, attempting to laugh it off but just look constipated. “Nice meeting you, Akaashi.” He gave a slight tight nod of his head before going off to make himself busy with the extra uniforms. 

“What was that about?” Bokuto asked, staring at the back of the fleeing man. 

Heaving a sigh, Akaashi rubbed his hands down Bokuto’s arms. “Just some guy being an asshole.”

Bokuto cocked his head. 

“He kept trying to take me to dinner even when I said I have boyfriend.” He pursed his lips, “I don’t know, it just kinda makes me sad that people think they can tear people apart like that? Or that people are in that kind of relationship in the first place?”

“Sooo do I kick his ass, or nah?”

Akaashi smiled, “Nah. I think seeing you go into protect mode scared him off."

Bokuto reached down and kissed him. “You’re never coming here with me again,” he murmured against their lips. 

“But how else am I supposed to get to look at you pose all sexy?” He kissed him again, whispering just so he could hear. “You looked so hot, Koutarou.”

He could physically feel Bokuto’s body heat up, the hand on his waist twitching.

“You sure you wanna get lunch after this?” Bokuto growled, desire flaring.

Akaashi bit his lip, “Well now that you mention it...”

—————-

A copy of one of Bokuto’s individual shots somehow managed to get taped up onto his fridge a few weeks after the shoot, appeared one day when he came home from rehearsal. Not that Akaashi was complaining though. If he wasn’t able to see his boyfriend for days on end, at least he could have some eye candy to look at any time he went to the fridge. 

It was all he could do to tear his eyes away from it to get moving and out the door this morning. 

He was weaving, dodging people on the crowded sidewalk, trying to both pay attention to where he was walking while also trying to listen to his boyfriend run his mouth off about how 'Kuro tried to say his pictures were better' and that Bokuto 'would more than likely punch his face tonight at dinner'.

The pianist was just trying to get home without being trampled. There were a ton of people in the city for the Takefu music festival, Akaashi had gone to do a few write ups on the performances for Takahiro and to see if he could scout any musicians for him.

Tokyo was busy enough without the extra events. Everyday he wished the streets weren’t constantly filled with traffic, would probably sell his soul to make it so he could get downtown without adding an extra hour to his commute.

Akaashi kept pushing through the people. “I already told you that I think your pictures are very sexy, Kou. I’m in my right mind to make a scene about them not using them, I don’t want other people to see you like that.” He cleared his throat when someone walking next to him shot him a look at the statement. “And no, you’re not allowed to get in a fight with Kuro tonight.”

He stopped at an intersection, waiting for the walk sign to appear, eyes shifting around as he listened to his boyfriend continue to complain. 

His eyes landed on a man gesturing wildly to another man, a crumpled map in his hands as he kept pointing to it and speaking in broken Japanese. 

“Building....center.....how....turkey...” he was saying. 

Akaashi squinted. The man was obviously American, he could tell by the accent. Bokuto was still talking to him on the phone. 

“Hold on, Kou,” he said, putting his arm down and walking over to the two. 

He was always fairly decent at English, would tutor students after class in it. It was just another way he would piss off his traditionalist parents. Whenever they were on his case about something, he would just start speaking back to them in the foreign language. They would get even madder because they couldn’t understand a lick of it, and Akaashi would get his satisfaction for the day. 

“Excuse me,” he said, in English, to the stranger. “Can I help you?”

The man’s face looked like he was seeing God. “You speak English! Thank goodness,” he sighed. 

Akaashi turned to the other native and said he’ll take of it. He bowed before walking away. 

“Your streets are even more confusing than New York’s,” the man said sheepishly. 

Akaashi grinned, “Wouldn’t know, I’ve never been. Can I help you get somewhere?”

“Please. My phone died and I can’t read this map. I’m trying to get to Trenton Tower?” 

Clicking his tongue, “Ah, you’re a little far off I’m afraid,” Akaashi replied. “Hold on.” He pulled his phone back up and called an Uber. “I got you a cab. You won’t even have to say anything, they’ll drop you off at the building.”

The man’s eyes widened. “That’s extremely generous!” His hands went to his pocket, “Here let me pay you.”

Waving his hands away, “No no, don’t worry about it,” Akaashi assured. “Hopefully it will make you think higher of our city.”

The man’s lips pursed. “Well I tell you what, I don’t like being obligated to someone. I always find a way to repay my debts!” 

A car pulled up to the sidewalk with an Uber sign lit up. Akaashi opened the door and told the driver the situation. 

He smiled to the man when he turned back, “This is really no big deal.” He held his hand out. “Hope you have a nice rest of your trip.”

The other took his hand. “Well you just saved my ass. The name’s Tom Garret.”

“Keiji Akaashi,” he said, in the American style. 

Tom got into the car, calling out the window as the driver started to pull away. “Thanks, Keiji! I owe you one!”

Akaashi waved him off. 

Muffling came from his hand. 

“Oh shit, sorry Kou,” he said into the phone.

\------------

“Akaashi, are you only with Bo because of his cooking, because I would totally understand that,” Kuro smirked as he stood next to his roommate. Bokuto mock laughed at the comment while he stirred the huge pot.

“It’s high on the list of reasons, I’ll tell you that,” Akaashi joked from the couch next to Kenma. They were working on his laptop, trying to jot down ideas for Kenma’s next album.

The two in the kitchen went back to bickering, the smaller men tuning them out. 

“You know, you could probably release your own solo album and people would buy it,” Kenma mused, playing around with the guitar rift mock up they had put together in the software. “You have a bit of a following now.”

Akaashi’s head tilted back. It was true that with his band and from playing with Kenma at the club sometimes that he’s gained some notoriety. “Even the _idea_ of trying to put something together makes me exhausted. I barely have any time as is.”

  
  
“Don’t act like I don’t know you have a whole binder filled with songs you can pull out. I can take care of the rest if you send me rough cuts.”

Akaashi’s eyes strayed to his boyfriend in the kitchen, the man holding Kuro back from adding something to the pot with a determined look.

He smiled. “Yeah maybe I’ll send you a few things.”

The DJ nodded. “How’s the orchestra situation?”

Taking a sip of his beer, Akaashi leaned back. “No difference, really. I just do my best to avoid Goshiki and go about trying not to gauge my eyes out.”

“Do people even like him?”

“Hell no.”

“Well, at least you’d have the member’s backing if you ever wanted to attempt a coup.”

“Cheers to that,” he grinned, clinking his glass against Kenma’s.

“Alriiight you slackers, foods ready,” Bokuto called. “Hurry up before Kuro ruins it.”

Sitting around Bokuto and Kuro’s table, friends and laughter and great food filling their bellies, it was easy for them all to lose track of time and act like this was how they spent every night. There was only one more red circled day on the training calendar that they knew was a for sure day they’d get to hangout. The training schedules was slowly doubling as they built up the athletes stamina. Who knew when the next time they would get to just sit around and relax with one aother.

“Oh, fuck you, Kuro, stop!” Bokuto yelled out when he saw Kuro’s character push him off the map in super smash brothers. 

“Not my fault you’re trash at this game!” he laughed. “Oh, shit.”

“Sorry, Kuro,” Akaashi chuckled as he got his own kill on Kuro, winning the match. He threw his hands up in victory. “Suck it, losers!”

“You only won because Kenma wasn’t using his normal guy.”

“And Kuro was targeting me,” Bokuto pouted.

Akaashi rubbed his boyfriend’s cheek, “Aw, poor baby.” The phone in his pocket started to ring, he reached for it.

“Alright fools, rematch,” Kuro demanded, getting the next round ready.

Akaashi looked at the phone screen. “I’ll give you guys a chance to practice while I answer this,” he said through a grin, already handing his remote to Bokuto and getting off the couch to answer. “Hey, Maria.”

“Ohhh, Maria?” Kuro whistled, “Should you be worried, Bo?”

Akaashi flipped him off before going to Bokuto’s room to talk in the quiet.

“Nah, Maria’s chill, I’ve met her before,” Bokuto assured. “You should be more worried about me kicking your ass!”

The buttons clicked erratically on their remotes, Bokuto and Kuro pushing one another on the couch as Kenma moved his thumbs methodically while slung across the loveseat.

“That combo though!” Bokuto yelled.

“Alright, I’ll give you that,” Kuro conceded, “That was dope.”

“YES!” Bokuto cheered as he took Kuro’s last life. “NO! Fuck!” he cried, when Kenma immediately killed Bokuto.

Kenma’s character filled the screen as he took first place.

“Dammit, Kenma,” Bokuto said even with a smile on his face. “Every time.”

“Maybe one day, Bokuto,” he replied coyly.

They were about to start the next match when he heard Akaashi walk back in. “You in, babe?” Bokuto asked, flicking to his player on the screen.

No answer.

He turned around, “Babe?”

Akaashi’s face was a bit pale, Adam’s apple bobbing as if trying to say something but the words getting stuck, unclear emotions shrouding his face while he clutched the phone in his hand. His eyes were empty. Bokuto hadn’t seen them like that in a long time. 

He got off the couch cautiously. “Keiji? What’s wrong?

Akaashi finally sucked in shakily. “It’s my Sensei,” he murmured. “He had a heart attack.”

Blank eyes finally met golden ones.

“He didn’t make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭 did any of you expect that? Cause I knew it from the start and I HATED it. 
> 
> Have to keep y’all on your toes somehow.


	44. Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She squeezed his hands, her voice catching, “He loved you so much, Akaashi. You were like a son to him.” At the statement, Akaashi’s chest heaved, his own throat constricting. “He believed in you so much, just as I do. Which is why there’s no one else who should be leading the tribute.”

To be completely honest, Bokuto was expecting his boyfriend to cry at the sudden loss of his teacher. Akaashi’s emotions just flared in situations like this, there wasn't anything wrong with it. Having that release is needed. Especially when losing someone so close...

Which is why it surprised, and worried him, when his boyfriend just seemed numb and quiet for the past two days since he’s gotten the news. 

Hasn’t shed a single tear, wasn’t talking a lot either other than the occasional affirmation that ‘he was fine.’ Just went to rehearsal in the morning and came back looking as if he was a robot. The fact that he hadn’t even taken time off work was troubling Bokuto.

  
  
There was trying to be strong, and then there was complete avoidance.   
  


  
And Akaashi was avoiding the pain rather than working through it.

Any extra sleep that Bokuto would have gotten by sleeping at his own apartment went out the window when he decided to stay at the musician’s place since that night. The additional few moments of rest he’d get since his apartment was closer to the gym didn’t really matter at the moment. He’d suck up being a bit more tired than usual at practice if it meant he could get his boyfriend to have a bit clarity.

But Akaashi still just sat there each night, blankly. The pianist’s phone pinged constantly throughout the evening, but the owner just left it sitting on the island unanswered.

By the third day, Bokuto was panicking. He was now showing more unease about the whole situation than Akaashi was and that was just wrong.

This was too out of scope. And he had no idea what the fuck to do. Kenma thought maybe good ole distraction was needed, Kira offered the meek advice of giving him time and space. But the distraction of the NSO clearly wasn't helping. And every added day did nothing but deepen the chasm. Bokuto was pacing around his apartment during one of their breaks in between morning and afternoon training, trying to figure out the next course of action to take, when knocks sounded on his door.

“Suga, hey,” he said, a bit surprised to see the friend at his apartment.

The silver haired man had a grim look, his violin strapped to his back. “Hey. Can I come in?”

Bokuto nodded wordlessly and stepped back to let him in. 

“Shouldn’t you be in rehearsal?” Bokuto asked, following him into the kitchen.

”We’re working on a pure band piece as opposed to full orchestra so strings aren’t needed. Figured I’d take the break to come and talk to you. I had Daichi text Kuro for y’all’s schedule.”

Bokuto nodded as if he totally understood the difference between a band piece and an orchestra one.

“I suppose you know?” Suga asked hesitantly, running his hand across the counter. 

It wasn’t difficult to put together what he was referring to. “Yeah," Bokuto said dejectedly, "I was with him when he found out.”

“Maria’s been texting me,” Suga sighed. “They want him to play something at the memorial service.”

“Did you tell him?”

Silver haired swayed as the man’s head bobbed. “I tried to talk to him after rehearsal, but he leaves so quickly. I called him and left a message, Maria texted him. He hasn’t answered.”

Running a hand through his hair, “Yeah, he hasn’t really been doing a lot of talking with me either,” Bokuto replied. “I’m worried he’s trying too hard to act ok. He hasn’t even mentioned anything about the memorial.”

Suga stared at him from across the island. “Bokuto. You and I both know that he will regret it for the rest of his life if he doesn’t go to that service.”

“Yeah, I know,” he agreed, crossing his arms. “When is it again?”

“Saturday. They’re having the service at the hall CCS plays in before going to his place of rest to make respects.” Suga tightened his grip on the counter. “Will you _please_ talk to him?”

Bokuto deflated a bit at the task, already envisioning the outcome. “I don’t think he’ll listen to me, Suga. I don’t think he’ll even want to play, it’ll probably be too painful for him.”

“Bokuto,” Suga pressed, “He _has_ to. Sensei Takahiro was everything to him.”

He knew in his heart that Suga was right. Knew that there was no way Akaashi could miss it. But Bokuto just couldn’t stop thinking about the void in his boyfriend’s eyes, how there used to be a million different threads of stars shooting through those blue fields, but now they just held nothing. And that didn’t get Bokuto’s hopes up that the pianist will be able to pull himself together in time. 

“I’ll try,” he resigned. “But, I don’t know, Suga. This is a different type of pain. Whereas he’s always used music to get through things, this time, it’s the _music_ that brings him pain.”

————

He knocked before letting himself in, wanted to at least warn Akaashi. The boy just said hey from where he was curled up on the couch watching the TV.

At least he said hey. That was a good thing. 

Dropping his gear down, Bokuto went over and patted his knee, sinking down next to him and putting an arm around his shoulders. He had gone through a hundred scenarios of how to approach the conversation since his talk with Suga this afternoon. But now that he was here, he didn’t have the strength to bring it up.

Bokuto glanced around, tried to see if there were any telltale signs of someone crying; tissues, ice cream, red eyes, copious amounts of blankets and soft surroundings. Nope. Same pristine apartment. Same seemingly put together boyfriend sitting a bit too rigidly. 

A knock came from the door. He frowned, looking at Akaashi. “Were you expecting anyone?”

A slight shake of his head was all he got. 

“Want me to get it?”

“Yes, please.”

Bokuto trudged over and opened it. A lady was standing there. 

Her smile reminded him of his grandmother, someone he barely even knew, yet somehow this stranger eased the same aura. “Ah, you must be Bokuto-kun.”

He tilted his head. “Um, yes? May I help you?”

While her smile was sweet, her eyes were laced with something Bokuto couldn’t put his finger on, a glazed brim clouding the brown orbs. “I’m Chiaki. I was Akaashi’s Sensei’s wife. I was hoping to speak with him?”

Bokuto immediately perked, ushering her in and offering to take her coat. Akaashi looked up at the footsteps, raising off the couch once he took in the visitor. 

“Chiaki?”

“Akaashi,” she soothed, opening her arms and bringing him in for a tight hug. She sucked in heavily over his shoulder.

Akaashi’s eyes were unsure as he pulled back, gripping her shoulders. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

She patted his cheek. “Maria called me,” she said, her eyes seeing straight through the boy's act. 

At the implication, his head hung, dark hair covering his face. “I-I’m so sorry, Chiaki. For what happened. For-for...I can’t do it, I’m sorry,” he stifled.

“Oh, sweetie. We’ll be ok.” She gently moved him back over to the couch, sitting them down. Bokuto stood back, leaning against the hallway to give them space. “But we can’t hide ourselves away forever,” she said with a knowing look. 

Akaashi bit his lip, wiping his palms down his cheeks and at his tired eyes. “I just...can’t believe he’s gone. It’s like a nightmare. I keep expecting to wake up and have him be calling me about some crazy weird idea he’s had. Or some piece that I _have_ to listen to." He trailed off, staring down at his hands in his laps. His voice came out soft, "He’d be so disappointed in me right now.”

Grasping his hands, “I get it. It doesn't feel real,” Chiaki consoled. “But it is. And he would be more upset about you wallowing away.”

“He’d probably tell me to go drink something.”

“And then judge you for what you picked,” she chuckled faintly. 

Leaning back, she took in the boy next to her that had meant so much to her husband, and to her as well as the years went by. “When he found you,” she grinned fondly, “Oh God, it was like he was renewed. Just so invigorated to have found someone that connects to music like he did. He was always so impressed with your ear. And your character most of all,” she emphasized.

She squeezed his hands, her voice catching, “He loved you so much, Akaashi. You were like a son to him.” At the statement, Akaashi’s chest heaved, his own throat constricting. “He believed in you so much, just as I do. Which is why there’s no one else who should be leading the tribute.”

She turned slightly, digging into her purse and pulling out a long box. “And he would want no one else to have this but you,” she said, handing him the case. 

Akaashi took it gingerly, his fingers grazing the gold clasp before popping it open. He gasped. Inside, nestled on black velvet, was his Sensei’s baton.

He shook his head determinedly, “Chiaki, I can’t take this.”

“Oh please,” she scoffed. “What am I going to do with it? He would want you to have it.”

Clasping his knee, “The best way to honor him, to make sure he lives on, is by showing the world your music,” she encouraged. “Your inherently genius talent of creating something, interpreting pieces and hearing things that no one else would ever pick up on. Because that’s all he ever wanted for you,” she assured. “He taught you everything he knew so that one day, you’d leave your own mark on the world. Just like he did in you. And he would have been so proud to see that. So keep fighting, Akaashi. Keep living. Because that’s all any of us can really do.”

Akaashi clutched the case firmly, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Thank you,” he murmured. 

She didn’t stay much longer. Just enough time to ensure that Akaashi _will_ be at the service. Whether he chooses to compose something for the day was his decision. But either way, he would be standing right by her. 

As the final rays of light turned to ash, and then to onyx, the two men tucked themselves into the bed. Bokuto thought his ears were playing tricks on him when he woke up to a noise. Thought he was sleep deprived from worrying so much and not enough rest in between practices. He looked over his back when he heard the sound.

Akaashi’s shoulders were shaking as he curled into a ball facing away from Bokuto. The sounds of whispered, choked sobs coming out of him. 

Rolling over, Bokuto wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend and brought him to his chest. 

And Akaashi finally let the tears fall. 

————

Bokuto was worried that even after the talk with his late Sensei’s wife, that Akaashi wouldn’t be able to bring himself to play, would decide to pass on leading the ending tribute. The morning after the talk hadn’t shed much light as to how he was feeling, just woke up lethargically when Bokuto left for practice and wished him luck. 

But then, Bokuto had gone over to the studio apartment after practice, and he stopped himself from knocking or opening the door.

Because coming from the apartment, was a violin. A soothing yet somber tune playing before it stopped, and the sound of the piano came, papers shuffling before the violin started again.

And Bokuto smiled faintly as he put his hands back into his pockets, and left the musician to his own creation.

\-------

The day of the funeral was contradicting. The sun was shining, bright against the cloudless sky, yet gave off no warmth. The frigid February air cut deep into their skin as Bokuto grasped Akaashi’s hand tightly while walking into the hall.

Akaashi was still quiet the entire morning and drive to there, which was fair. Bokuto hadn’t asked him what he decided to do for the tribute, figured it was hard enough to compose than to want to talk about it.

The entire audience was packed when they walked in, people both shedding tears and fighting through laughter as they reminisced about the man, Bokuto felt Akaashi tense a little bit. 

“Hey." He shook their hands, looking over at him. "He’d be so proud of you for doing this.” A corner of Akaashi’s mouth tilted up just a hair. 

“Thanks, Kou.”

They made their way through the sea of people, every now and then being stopped by someone offering their condolences to the student, everyone knowing how close the two were. They finally got to the front, Chiaki hugging Akaashi deeply and then Bokuto before whispering into Akaashi’s ear about something.

Bokuto’s phone vibrated.

**From Kuro**

_Brought that thing you asked for._

**To Kuro**

_Thanks. Just hold on to it for a bit. Give it to me at the site._

Silencing his phone, he pocketed it as Akaashi came up and wrapped his arm around his waist for support. Members of Takahiro’s orchestra started to make their way up to the stage to sit with their instruments, a small scale choir joining them on the rafters next to them. The audience quieted down.

Chiaki spoke first, never once allowing for a tear to escape the pool rimming her eyes as she spoke about her and her husband’s life throughout the years together. Akaashi used to think she was a tough one to be able to be married to someone always running, now he realized she was stronger than he ever knew - finding how to bring laughter to the people that loved Takahiro the most in their time of need, while she herself was suffocating from the pain.

Takahiro’s brother went next, a shorter speech than the previous speaker as the two were never that close. A few members of the audience asked to share stories. Eventually, it came to the end of it.

Chiaki squeezed his hand before Akaashi trudged onto the stage. The group was looking at him, sheet music on stands and warm and reassuring eyes. Maria nodded to him from the flute section. He stood by the piano, a microphone set up for him to speak.

“Tha-” he faltered, looking down. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with air while keeping his head down. “Thank you all for coming.”

There was a second of silence before he finally looked up, everyone in the audience a bit blurred together from the distance.

“Um...Sensei Takahiro w-was more than just my teacher he was....if I’m gonna be completely honest, he was more of a father figure to me than my actual father,” he shrugged, fiddling with the object in his hands. “He didn’t just teach me about music he...he taught me about life. And how to _live_ and be _passionate._ How to love.” He looked at his boyfriend siting down in the front row as he said the last item, Bokuto’s smile and slight nod encouraging him to continue. 

“I remember when I found out that he had selected me to study under him.” Akaashi chuckled as he recalled the memory, “I remember, walking into his office that first day and I was...I was so nervous.”

Wetting his lips, he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth to prevent himself from laughing. “Here was this _great_ conductor who’s won competitions and composed how many pieces, I mean, who was I to be studying under him? And I-I walk into his office that morning and there he was,” his face lit up as if he was talking at a dinner party, “Scribbling madly. _Clearly_ hammered off the bottle of scotch that was next to him.” He paused dramatically as he stared at everyone. “It was 9 in the morning.”

Laughter came from the audience, mixed with a few sniffles, as Akaashi let out his own snickers with them. If Chiaki would be strong enough to bring joy to everyone right now, then he would take a page from her own book.

He looked down with a smile once they all quieted down. “I said ‘Hello Sensei, I’m Akaashi Keiji’. And he looks up at me over his glasses, confused, and goes ‘Akaashi? I wasn’t expecting you until morning.’ I said ‘Sir, it _is_ morning.’ And he finally looks at the windows and goes ‘Huh. Well that’s not right.’

  
  
“He had spent the whole night composing because he was suddenly hit with this realization of how one of his pieces should go and he just never left the office and was just writing with this scotch and all of a sudden it was the morning,” Akaashi ran the words together, suddenly very overwhelmed at how much of a gap this man would be leaving in Akaashi's life. He shrugged once he took a steadying breath. “But he just poured another glass, handed it to me and said, ‘Well, Akaashi, let’s drink to you learning. Cheers to you one day being an outstanding conductor.’ And that’s how I ended up getting hammered with my teacher off a $200 bottle of scotch on our very first lesson.”

Smiles came from the group behind him and a few head nods. It sounded like the violinist. 

“The funniest part was that after we sobered up, we listened to what he wrote and it was so bad,” he snorted a bit as everyone laughed again. “Just so, so bad. But he had just shrugged and went ‘Eh, oh well. I still have another bottle of scotch.’” He paused, regrouping as he came to the end of the memory. “That was him though. Very much just roll with the punches and march to his own drum.” He looked behind him. “And he hated percussionists, sorry guys.”

Dispersed chuckles sounded again as agreement came throughout the space. 

“But _boy_ did he love the violin,” he said reverently, looking back at the audience. “I think he was always a little sad that I focused on piano, but...somehow he still liked me. And took me on. And I will forever be grateful for that.”

His voice started to shake. When he felt the tickle in his throat, he closed his eyes to take a deep breath.

“I owe him everything. My only regret is that he won’t get to hear my finished arrangement, whenever that happens. He was so supportive of me and what I needed to go through to make progress with it. Would probably be upset that I’m not parading it around for the first time at his funeral, but I think he would be more upset if I just rushed to finish it rather than let the music decide where it goes so, sorry, we aren’t going to be hearing it today.”

Disgruntled mumbles came from the audience, all hoping to hear the cherished student’s unfinished work.

Raising his hands in platitude. “I know sorry, sorry,” he continued. “But, um, that’s a piece that I will need to conduct in order to truly deem it as complete,” he said resolutely.

“And this, this orchestra,” he gestures behind him, tears finally forming as he looked at his fellow musicians. “This will always be Sensei’s orchestra to conduct. Not mine. And eventually, someone will take his spot and they’ll probably be great to all of you but, I just wanted to let you know that he loved you all so much. He believed in each and every one of you and he brought you all together to make something truly _magical._ Just...never forget that.” 

He rolled the baton in his hands between his fingers. “So when Maria came forward and asked me to compose something for today I...couldn’t write something that I would conduct. Couldn’t yet imagine someone taking his place. Instead, we’ll let that post go unfilled.” He smiled, placing the baton on the conductor’s stand. “Sensei taught us well enough that we can play without following a baton.

Taking his umpteenth deep breath of the speech, “The piece you’re about to hear," he said, shakily, “was hard to write I won’t lie. How do you....how do you write something to honor the life of a man that _quite literally_ was music and art. Something to celebrate a man that touched so many lives. Maria said it could be whatever I wanted: a solo, play on any instrument, use any combination of the members....but how could I really honor him if it wasn’t a piece his whole family played together. So, I chose to write a full orchestra piece. I know he’s rolling in his grave that I’ll play piano for it, but it's my last little ‘got ya’ to the man. He’d probably be more surprised if I didn’t,” he chuckled.

He wagged his finger, “But he did always say that if he isn’t carded off by the sounds of violins then he’s coming back from the dead to hit everyone over the head with a bow.”

Howls echoed from the audience at how accurate the saying was to the man, claps enforcing the truthfulness.

Fighting through a smile, “He always said violins are the saddest instruments and wanted all of us to cry,” Akaashi said, curling his mouth in as a few more tears fell. “He always was so dramatic.

“It’s not the craziest piece we’ve ever played before, it’s nowhere near on the technical levels of the classics, although he’s problem yelling at me for saying that.” He bit his lip, nodding his head. “But it will make you think of him. And remember his life. And how dynamic of a man he was. Because Sensei used to always say it doesn’t matter about the level or difficulty of a song. What matters is how you make the audience feel."

He spread his hands, "So here you are a Sensei. A piece for you. From the people who’s lives you changed forever.”

Sitting down at the piano, the rest of the group gave him an unspoken moment to collect himself as he wiped some of the moisture off his face.

He looked up and gave a slight nod to everyone.

The violins collectively took a breath, and without the need of someone taking their beloved conductor's place, they began to play.

The sound of the instrument Takahiro loved so much, echoed a hopeful harmony that verged on sorrow, getting their moment in the spotlight as a few instruments joined them; soft French horns, flutes, the small choir that performed in conjunction with the group. They all one by one combined on a chord that softly dispersed after a moment of suspension. Their eyes shifted to the pianist.

The student’s hands pressed the keys while he gave his own silent tribute to the man that meant so much to him. Reverence poured into every note as each one of his fingers touched a memory in his mind. The clarinets came in to accompany him, a trumpet blaring it’s clear resonance to remind them that this isn’t about sorrow - this is hope. And strength. And love.

The build of that trumpet led them into a crescendo encouraging the full group to come in on a blast of music that whipped into the audience. The snare drums gave a march- a testament to their Sensei’s unwavering presence no matter where he went. A resounding promise to everyone in attendance as the group played on, a belief that there is always streaks of sun amongst the rain. A determined thread of harmony - that they would fight on together to honor this man that was so much more than a single song. He was each and every one of them, creating something beautiful, talented alone but awe-inspiring when put together.

Strength and tenderness as they lowered. That same trumpet playing with the piano, the pair emanating a balance of finding the perseverance amongst the sadness - the loving smile of Chiaki as she built the courage in those around her during her husband's lost.

A pianist built upon the guidance of a teacher. 

The rumbles of the drums echoing the heartbeats of all those that loved him. 

And the last hope filled sorrowful notes carried off into the sky without a clear and definitive ending.

Because they would all live on to carry their conductor's legacy.

\-----

Closer family and friends went to the site where the family shrine was, incense and flowers already lit, and a photo of the man leaning against the stone.

Akaashi stood away with Chiaki by it as they held onto one another.

“Bo.”

He turned, Kuro came up to him with Kenma, Suga and Daichi walking up behind them.

“Hey guys, thanks for coming. I know Keiji appreciates it.”

Suga smiled wistfully, “I’m glad he did the tribute, it was beautiful.”

They all murmured their agreement.

“Oh, here you go,” Kuro said, handing him the item Bokuto had asked him to pick up earlier. “Kinda a weird request, no?”

Taking it gratefully with a sentimental glint, “I’ll tell you later,” Bokuto supplied.

Once he saw Chiaki pat Akaashi's shoulder and move to talk to some relatives, Bokuto went up to his boyfriend. He rubbed the boy’s back as he kissed his head.

“How you feeling?” he asked.

Akaashi shrugged, still staring at the stone. “A bit lost. But also a bit determined. I can’t fail him now.”

Bokuto nodded. “You never would have in the first place.”

“Thanks for coming with me, Kou,” Akaashi whispered, squeezing his waist. 

“Of course, we have Sensei to thank for all of this anyway, don’t we?”

Finally looking up him, Akaashi cocked an eyebrow in questioning. Bokuto moved out of the embrace and stepped forward, placing the item Kuro brought him against the stone.

Akaashi let out a light chuckle when he saw it, a genuine smile on his face.

“So he’ll always be prepared for the weather no matter,” Bokuto grinned back.

Nodding, Akaashi grabbed his hand again as they paid their final respects and turned to go home.

Leaving the large black umbrella propped against the stone.

Aight y'all, for anyone that follows me on twitter you may have seen a tweet that I did in which I said I've spent days of my life searching for two songs? This was one of them. I scavenged everywhere _trying_ to find the _perfect_ song for this section. And I originally thought I knew what it would be right away. But it was a song with a piano and just strings. And I couldn't get over this idea that Akaashi would never choose to write something without his Sensei's full pride and joy of an orchestra. Therefore, I landed on [Men of Honor](https://youtu.be/q05kRk_-ofE) as Akaashi's tribute song. The absolute closest to the feeling I wanted to portray and I do really love this song my only grievance was that I wanted it to be longer! But in the end, I felt it really captured what I was going for.

In case anyone wanted to hear the difference between how this scene _could've_ looked, [Redeemer](https://youtu.be/xES4Eix5taQ) was the original song I was going to use (along with many others that maybe I'll tweet out one day!). And if you like this song better, then hey, just imagined I used this one instead ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright let me tell y'all how absolutely /wrecked/ I was while writing and editing this. Like full on had me in my feels, I hurt myself so bad.
> 
> I hope you all liked this chapter as much as I did. I don't know, I just wanted it to be laced more with hope than sadness and I truly hope I did the memorial scene justice.
> 
> Where will it go from here? Stay tuned my lovely readers <3


	45. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was no doubt that one of Akaashi's greatest passions, other than music, was reading. Would read anything he could get his hands on. And if there’s one thing the over abundant ability to decipher hidden messages did for him, it was being able to read his boyfriend.
> 
> And something was wrong.

Amazing how after death the world keeps moving. Trains still run their track, school bells still go off, cash registers still ding. People keep living. Here Akaashi was, going through the days as if he hasn’t lost a bit of his soul, his home. But he was determined to keep pushing through, determined to not let his Sensei’s effort in him go to waste. 

He took everything in with a new perspective, shifted his view on work. He branched out into different styles, practiced instruments he wasn’t used too, even tried his hand at a few jazz interpretations. Anyone that needed a backfill, he stepped in for. Wanted to play with as many different combinations of musicians and instruments as possible so that he could gain variety. Started working on a few songs he could send to Kenma, either to make his own album or to attach to the DJ’s next one.

Every bit of new inspiration or epiphany gleamed, filled him. And all he wanted to do was to share it with his Sensei, but he couldn’t. And then it would hit him again. So he would forge on to the next new exciting tidbit he could find. 

If he kept moving, it was almost as if he wasn’t drowning in the anguish.

He felt bad, had cancelled on Bokuto once or twice to go to gigs. The athlete assured him that it was ok though, that he understood, knew it was something Akaashi had to do. It’s not like it changed that much at any rate - most of their days were spent apart anyway. But the few cancellations just put more distance than they really wanted between them. 

But Akaashi couldn’t deny that he already learned so much in the past three weeks than he would’ve if he just sat on his ass in his usual routine.

Takahiro was still pushing him to be better, even in spirit.

He was packing up after group rehearsal when Yasufumi approached him. 

“Akaashi,” he interrupted, hand leaning on the piano, “May I speak with you a moment?”

Warning alarms went off in Akaashi’s head. He could count on one hand the amount of times Yasufumi had wanted to speak with him alone. 

Biting down the onslaught of thoughts of him getting fired or replaced, he nodded uneasily and followed the man to his office. The large room hadn't changed at all during Akaashi's employment with the NSO, the dark wood paneling on the walls and the shelves and shelves filled with scores probably had dust on it since before Yasufumi was even there. The wide oak desk was always covered in papers, the blinds angled to block out the glare from the windows behind it. 

Akaashi took a seat across from Yasufumi on one of the two leather couches. He sat as close to the edge as possible.

The conductor cleared his throat, folding his hands as he took in the pianist. 

“Firstly, my condolences about Takahiro.”

Akaashi gave a grim nod, not really knowing how to respond. No one really wanted to say ‘thank you’ for condolences. 

“Your tribute piece was very well done,” he continued. “I don’t think I need to reiterate that you are very talented, Akaashi.”

This time, he did mutter a confused thank you, unsure really of where this was going. Was he going to praise him just to ease the blow when he fired him?

“I have a proposition for you.”

Akaashi’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “A proposition?”

He nodded. “The spring concert. You write a piece for it, and we’ll play it.”

Fizzling.

That’s all Akaashi’s brain could hear. Was he dreaming? Did he die with Yasufumi? 

“Wh-what?”

“I want the NSO to play one of your pieces,” Yasufumi said, looking down. “I apologize for it taking so long. And that Takahiro won’t be able to hear it.” Hardened eyes shifted back to the boy. “Full reign. You make what you want and it’ll be the final piece of the performance.”

This....was something he had always dreamed of. Something he had spent numerous sessions venting to Takahiro about. Something that would make him feel one step further than being just a pianist.

He wanted to jump up and down, wanted to scream ‘yes!’ and run out of the room before the offer could be reneged. But there was something holding him back. He didn’t want this if Yasufumi was doing it just to make Akaashi feel better. “Can I ask why now? Or is this just out of guilt.”

The older man gave a slight smirk, his head bobbing back and forth. “A bit.” The creases by his eyes flattened as his whole demeanor softened. “When you get to be my age, Akaashi, you start to see things in a different angle. I don’t hold a lot of regret, but I know now that if I ever decide to leave the NSO without ever giving you the chance, that I would regret it for the rest of my life. Takahiro’s passing may have woken me up to it, but don’t think that’s the only reason. You’ve bided your time and put in the work. And now it’s paid off.”

It was the first time since the funeral that Akaashi felt…revived. Like he wasn't just heading towards a wall, that there was something to look forward to, something he couldn't wait for. He was excited. His smile reached all the way up to his eyes, his whole body was tingling, already eager to start writing. “Thank you, sir.”

Yasufumi stood up, holding his hand out. “I look forward to seeing what you write. Feel free to meet with me on any drafts. If we can have it ready in two months, it leaves us enough time to start full rehearsal.”

Akaashi’s mind was already racing as he exited the office, he didn’t even know where to begin. He could use an old piece, something the CCS has played that he knows holds well. Or one that Takahiro had his eyes on already. But now that he thought about them, they just seemed dusty. A bit dull. Akaashi wanted something new, and shiny, and bright to be his first piece on the NSO stage. 

So he buckled down and got to work. 

\-----

There wasn’t enough coffee in the world. 

Every second, he was running; he went to rehearsal; camped out in practice rooms to continue drafting; met with musicians so they could play sections; talked to vocalists to get ranges; would hear something he didn’t like, and would repeat the process over and over again. 

Bokuto wasn’t faring much better. It was all hands on deck as the final few months ticked down to the start of trials. Everything was hanging in the balance of a centimeter, strategies were being worked and reworked for different outcomes of different match ups, how many points did they have to win by if they played this team, who had to lose in order for them to get this opponent. It was its own orchestration, with a very different type of conductor.

The two hadn’t seen each other in a month, let alone text a lot. Bokuto was so exhausted from practice, and the gym was closer to his apartment, so he would stay at his place to get a few more minutes of sleep in before going to morning training. But every now and then, Akaashi would open the door to his own apartment, his face yawning and energy drained, the sun having set hours ago, only to find a bundled figure asleep on his bed. A bit of tiredness would ease from his heart at the sight as he lifted the blanket and climbed in behind his boyfriend, pressing his forehead into his back. 

When Akaashi had gotten the offer to compose the piece, Bokuto was obviously ecstatic for him, and they had really tried to have date nights in the beginning still, but the night would end up with them just cutting their loses and passing out before really getting the chance to spend time together. 

Eventually, as the weeks dragged on between Akaashi constantly in meetings and Bokuto racing towards the finish line, they had gotten so used to it that they hadn’t felt the shift in their dynamic until it was too late, their minds on edge and their emotions out of whack.

It was a rare day that Bokuto’s break between trainings lined up just as Akaashi was finishing up his lesson with Ren.

An hour.

Such a short amount of time in relation to everything but what felt like a miracle for them to have together. 

When Bokuto opened the door to the musician’s apartment at the tail end of the lesson, Ren ran towards him, hugging the athlete’s legs and saying how he missed him. Bokuto smiled and fondly patted the boy’s head, asking if he would play something for him, and be still Akaashi’s teacher heart, the little boy exclaimed a 'sure!' and played without an ounce of hesitation. 

Quite possibly one of the proudest moments of Akaashi’s life, seeing his once scared student play so unencumbered for someone.

  
  
And then they were finally alone. Soft, electric touches, and sickeningly sweet kisses that made Akaashi’s ears red. Bokuto's hands were running through Akaashi’s hair while they laid on the couch, some show playing on the TV that neither one was paying attention to. They were more enamored with cuddling.

When Bokuto just said it.

“How many kids do you want?” he blurted out.

A slight jolt went through Akaashi’s body, his head picked up slowly. “What?”

Shrugging, “I know, out of the blue,” Bokuto defended, “But just seeing Ren run around, and geez, his little smile? I wanted to hold him tight right there and never let him go. So it just got me thinking about it.” He watched his fingers lift up tufts of hair on the top of Akaashi’s head. “There are a lot of different options for us,” he said nonchalantly.

Akaashi’s eyebrows were still scrunched, his Adam’s apple bobbing, “Kou-”

“I think three is a good number. I don’t think we could handle four, but hey, I’m game for it if you are,” he grinned.

Akaashi was staring at him, he really did not expect to be having this conversation any time soon. They were so young... 

“Kou, I-I don’t know if I want kids…” he uttered.

Putting his childhood dog down. That’s what Bokuto’s face mirrored as it dropped. His head shook a little, hoping he heard wrong. “W-what?”

“I just don’t know,” Akaashi mumbled, getting off the couch and moving to the kitchen.

Footsteps followed him. “What do you mean you don’t know, how do you not know?” Bokuto cautioned.

The pianist sighed, gripping onto the island as he shifted his weight back and forth. “I don’t know, I mean, why would I really want any?”

“Why wouldn’t you!” Bokuto exclaimed, upset visibly painted on his face.

“Why would I want them to have to go through this world?” Akaashi admitted. “Do you not see the type of world we live in? Would two gay men even be able to have a child in Japan?" He could feel his heart rate start to pick up, watching his boyfriend's mouth gape as if to cut him off only made his words come out faster. "People are mean, Koutarou! I barely got through it, why would I want to bring a child into the world to go through that!”

“Because they’d have us to get them through it!”

“I don’t know if I’d be able to get them through it!” Akaashi yelled back. He couldn't feel the ground. He felt dizzy. His breath was huffing at a mile a minute.

Bokuto couldn’t think straight. He could not believe that the love of his life was saying this. He teaches kids for fucks sake! “That’s why there’s _two_ parents, Keiji. It’s not just you here! How could you not know if you want kids!”

“I wouldn’t be a good father, Koutarou!!” Akaashi finally asserted. His eyes were blown wide, pupils large enough that no blue of the irises could be seen. A hand clawed at his chest, shaking.

Bokuto's instincts started whirling in override at the sight. 

Ah.

Closing his eyes and taking a breath, Bokuto calmed his own emotions, cleared his head and stopped himself from continuing the screaming match. He should’ve been quicker to the signs.

This wasn’t anger or resentment, Akaashi’s breathing was too ragged, body reverting too much into retreat.

His boyfriend is just scared.

And Bokuto just threw him into a panic attack. Way to go. 

He should’ve known better.

  
  
“Hey, baby, I’m sorry,” Bokuto soothed. “I didn’t mean to spring this on you. I should’ve brought it up differently. At a more appropriate time.”

Akaashi had his hands wrapped around himself, his jaw trembling a bit.

Slowly moving forward, Bokuto brought him into a hug, tucking the other’s head under his chin.

“Why do you think you wouldn’t be a good dad, Ji?” he whispered. 

Clinging tight to the larger man, deep huffs came out of Akaashi as he tried to stop the attack in its tracks. Instead, he focused on the musky scent of his boyfriend, the hints of laundry detergent on his shirt, the eucalyptus scented shampoo radiating from him that he’s suddenly become obsessed with.

Once a normal rate of air was getting into his body, he murmured into Bokuto’s chest, “How am I supposed to be a good dad when I never had a good one to look up to growing up?”

The sentence pinged Bokuto’s heart. He cursed himself as he rubbed his boyfriend's back. “That doesn’t mean you’d be a terrible dad. It would make you an even better one because you’d know what _not_ to do.” He pulled back slightly, lifting the trembling chin up. “You understand people so well, and you're compassionate and attentive and considerate,” he kissed him gently. “You’d be such a great father, Keiji.”

Akaashi sniffled, his eyes still glassy as he ducked his head back into Bokuto’s chest, rubbing his face in it. 

“Why would you bring this up right now, I can’t even think past tomorrow, let alone that far.”

Bokuto chuckled, hugging him tighter. “I have no idea,” he confessed. “Exhaustion getting to me. Starting to just hallucinate and daydream about our life together since we barely see each other.”

As if on cue, the alarm on his phone started going off, signaling him to head out for his next set of practice. He sighed, reaching into his back pocket to take it out, turning it off. “We’re going to go insane if we don’t get a better routine going.”

Akaashi nodded, pulling away and rubbing his hands down Bokuto’s shoulders. “Yeah, we have been a little busy for each other haven't we. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s not just you. I guess we just have to try a bit harder?”

Agreeing, Akaashi kissed him, sweetly, deeply. Who knew when the next one would come. 

“Please don’t mention babies to me for a while. I promise we’ll talk about it when I’m not surviving just off of caffeine in my stomach.”

Bokuto laughed before looking him in the eyes. “Deal.”

\-----

Kuro shoved Bokuto as they got into the two high-top chairs. The interview crew was running around, lights were being focused on them, cameras were shifting to get the angles. 

“Gentleman,” the interviewer said, walking up and extending her hand, “Thank you so much for agreeing to sit down with us. We’re very excited.”

“Our pleasure,” Kuro replied. “Just make sure you get my good side.”

She looked at him skeptically. “And which side is that?” 

“Both,” he grinned cockily.

Bokuto hit the back of his head, the interviewer letting out a small laugh. She signaled to the crew as she sat in the chair across from them. 

She profiled them and their prospects for a gold medal at next summer’s Olympics, how they’ve been preparing for the trials at the end of May. She was professional, a serious introspection into the world of volleyball and the athletes composing it. That was the stipulation the media team coordinated with the program on - the two stars would sit for the interview so long as the questions stayed purely on their volleyball careers and no personal gossip. 

She looked at her notepad once Kuro finished answering her question on how the bracket system worked. 

“And so Bokuto-kun, what’s a typical track life of a volleyball career?” She restated once she saw his confused look, “What comes after volleyball?”

Bokuto’s head tilted still, his eyes squinting a bit. “After?”

Inclining her head, she use her hand to mimic a continuing motion. “Once the Olympics are over, do you expect to retire? Or will you continue on for another Olympic cycle? Do you have any plans for once you leave being a player?”

Bokuto’s mouth floundered, “I-I haven’t really thought about it.” He squirmed in his seat, suddenly feeling very overheated. “I’m still young,” he landed on.

True, by the time the next Olympics came around, he’d be getting up there in age, but, surely he was different than everyone else, right? Or is he playing on borrowed time? What _does_ happen after volleyball?

She nodded. “Living in the moment, I see. Well, thank you both for coming in today,” she said with a smile, getting up and shaking their hands again. “The interview should air in a few weeks after we’ve edited it.”

They thanked her and walked out of the studio. 

Bokuto looked down at the sidewalk as they headed home, counting the cracks in the pavement. They passed a few blocks before he finally found the words.

“Kuro....do you have a plan for after volleyball?”

The roommate glanced over at him, hands in his pockets. He shrugged, face unreadable. “I’ve thought about it. Kenma and I bounced around a few thoughts so, yeah, I have a couple ideas but nothing solid. Why?”

Bokuto shook his head. “No reason.”

Did he miss a memo?

Was he the only one that didn’t have a plan?

Does he need one?

\-----

He knocked on the glass door. 

“Hey, Coach. Can I uh, can I talk to you real quick?”

The volleyball coach turned around from the filing cabinet, seeing Bokuto standing in the door of his office. “Oh sure, come in,” he said, gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk. Bokuto sank into one. Rather than taking the chair across the desk, the older man chose to sit in the one beside his player. The atmosphere rolling off the ace signaled it to be a conversation that shouldn't be separated by a desk.

Bokuto stared at the wall, shuffling in his seat as he gripped his hands together. He dug his nails into his skin, clearing his throat. “Should I be thinking about what comes after volleyball?”

The abrupt statement had the coach straightening.

“The interview yesterday,” Bokuto clarified, “One of the questions they asked was would I be retiring after the Olympics next year, or going another cycle. I guess I kinda blocked out of my mind ever living without volleyball?”

Coach leaned back heavily in his seat, a hand going to his chin as he stared hard at his ace. “This, is a conversation that I hate to have, but am obligated to have. I’ve done it with every player that has been on my team. Granted, I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation with any of my current members until after this Olympic cycle. I didn’t want you thinking about it.”

“So...I _should_ be thinking about it?” he asked, his eyebrows slanting. 

His coach heaved a sigh, shaking his head regrettably. “It’s possible we win a medal next summer. What comes after that? Are you going to want to keep playing, or end on a high? And if we don’t win? The longer you play, the greater risk there is for injury.”

It felt like all the walls were caving in. Like he was in a fun house, distorting his coach’s appearance and his thoughts. Everything was going awry. The room was too small. Was his coach really admitting that he has think about his life without volleyball?

What _is_ life without volleyball?

“I don’t-I don’t really-“ Bokuto stuttered, unsure of how to even answer. 

Holding up his hands, “You don’t have to come up with an answer or a plan right away," he clarified. "And I will be having a word with the media team as to how to vet questions better in the future. But, now that the bugs in your ear, you can either come up with a plan now if you want to, or wait. You still have time, Bokuto,” he assured. “There’s no rush. And don’t think you're the only one. Everyone will be getting the same conversation eventually. It’s a matter of growing up unfortunately. And I'm here to help come up with a plan.”

Bokuto was dazed for the rest of the day. Food felt a little less appetizing. Conversation was too much. Breathing felt like a chore.

It was like a hammer had been stuffed down his throat, hanging upside down, and was banging on his chest. 

He went through the motions, finishing practice, going home with Kuro, eating dinner. He didn’t really know how exactly he came to be in his bed, his mind just suddenly registered that it was night as he stared up at the ceiling. The clock showed 11:15pm. 

What the fuck.

What was happening right now?

Leaning over, he grabbed his phone off his nightstand. 

**To Keiji ( ＾∀＾ )  
**

_Can I come over?_

He gripped the phone on his chest while he waited for a response. If a response would even come given the time. His boyfriend has been just as tired as he has, so he wouldn’t be surprised if he just got an apology text in the morning for not seeing the message.

**From Keiji ( ＾∀＾ )  
**

_Sure. But I’m basically already asleep..._

**To Keiji ( ＾∀＾ )**

_That’s fine._

Bokuto grabbed his keys, slipping on some shoes and heading out. Not even thinking about taking anything else. 

The apartment was dark when he let himself in. 

Akaashi's head barely even raised off the pillow, eyes slants when he heard the door open. “Hey,” he said, voice raspy and gruff from sleep. “Everything ok?” 

“Sh, sh,” Bokuto lulled, lifting up the comforter and sliding in behind him, “Go back to sleep.”

Akaashi mumbled something incoherent before sleep overtook him again. 

Bokuto held his boyfriend tight throughout the night.

Trying to find something to keep him anchored while his entire world tilted over. 

\-----

He answered the call through his headphones, not stopping from continuing to lift the dumbbells. 

“Hello?” he grunted.

“What happened to you this morning?” Akaashi asked, coffee machine dinging and papers shuffling underneath, “You came in late and left before I woke up.”

Watching his form in the mirror, arms curling together, Bokuto’s voice came out a bit strained as he huffed, “Ah, yeah. Sorry. I’m good. Just had to get to practice.”

Akaashi decided to avoid asking why he showed up in the first place. “Well, you wanna come over afterwards? I know you’re supposed to be watching film tonight, but maybe when you’re done? Or I can come to your place? Just, you know, haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Not sure when I’ll be done,” he force out. “But I’ll let you know.”

Akaashi hesitated on the other side. His boyfriend’s sentence were sounding a little too clipped. “Everything alright, Kou?”

A brief flare of annoyance ran through Bokuto. He really didn’t feel like talking right now, just wanted to keep focused on getting his workout done. But he also didn’t need to take it out on his boyfriend. “Yep,” he willed his pitch to be chipper, “Just starting to feel a little stressed about the trials is all.”

The change of tone didn't do anything to convince Akaashi. “Alright, well....let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do. Bye.”

Akaashi tossed his phone on his bed, hands gripping his hips. 

There was no doubt that one of Akaashi's greatest passions, other than music, was reading. Would read anything he could get his hands on. And if there’s one thing the over abundant ability to decipher hidden messages did for him, it was being able to read his boyfriend.

And something was wrong.

So Akaashi was determined to try and fix it before it started tumbling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There' so MuCh HapPenInG I CanT!!!
> 
> We inch forward into the aftermath. My sweet little babies taking on the world. I literally don't even know what to think about what I have drafted coming up guys, it's crazy.
> 
> Much love to you all on this friday <3


	46. Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not talking about internal battles he's working through, Akaashi had learned to deal with. But now his boyfriend wasn’t telling him stuff like this, wasn’t talking to him at all when Akaashi had been trying so hard to keep them afloat.
> 
> And there was only so much more he could take of letting Bokuto off the hook.

They reworked their process, made time to see each other.

It was Akaashi’s turn to sacrifice sleep to stay over at Bokuto’s place so they could at least fall asleep in the comfort of each other's embrace. He would go to the gym with the athlete and sit by him with his back to the mirror, headphones on and shuffling sheet music around.

Bokuto would do his home routine at Akaashi’s apartment when the musician needed to use the piano.

They weren’t able to actually talk, but this way, they both got work done while getting to be with each other.

And it worked for the time being. They were content. It was what they had to do.

  
  
Especially when Bokuto was intent on ignoring the actual reason he had suddenly been dodgy.

Akaashi had tried to bring it up on numerous occasions, wanted to see what else he could do for his boyfriend, but the volleyball player hadn't offered any information. If Bokuto was going to insist that it didn't matter, and Akaashi had been turned away for the umpteenth time, he decided to cut his loses and move on.

By April, they had all but forgotten how their relationship used to be like before their schedules went haywire. They had gotten use to the ten minute recaps of their days, gotten used to showing their affection in the form of leaving out granola bars on the counter for the other to take to work, and had gotten used to the fights that would occur over meaningless happenings.

Majority of their conversations occurred with raised voices rather than the tender and affectionate ones they had built their relationship on. They would bubble up, exploding at random times until one of them caught themselves and tried to diffuse the situation. 

When Akaashi had finally finished the draft arrangement for Yasufumi, he had hoped that it would allow him to find some more time to spend with his boyfriend, but he just found himself in more rehearsals now that the group could play it.

Even though the pianist wouldn’t be conducting the piece, it was still surreal that the orchestra was even playing his music. They had recorded some clips to send with the score to publishing companies a few days ago and Akaashi had nearly fainted when he listened to it. The idea that people all over would actually not only hear his piece, but would also see his name attached to it? His heart leapt every time group rehearsal came around

That didn’t mean he wasn’t still utterly exhausted from rehearsal though.

He released a sigh of relief when Yasufumi finally dismissed them for the day. Taking out his phone with one hand to check his messages, he pulled his sheet music together with the other. 

  
**From Kenma**

_Studio loved the draft track ✌🏼 Will be making an appearance on the album coming out in the fall. Wanna be my date to the release party?_

**To Kenma**

_More like wanna be_ my _date to the release party._

He smiled to himself while throwing the phone into his bag.

“Akaashi,” Kiyoko said, coming up onto the stage to intercept him, “I have someone on the phone looking for you? They sound American.”

The pianist's face morphed into confusion. “American?” he questioned, but followed to her office. She closed the door once he entered to give him privacy. 

“Hello?” he asked in English. 

“Keiji Akaashi!” A voice returned, hyper and as if they had won the lottery. “Tom Garrett here!”

Akaashi racked his brain. So much had been happening - Takahiro, the piece for the funeral, the arrangement for the NSO, his relationship issues - that he had almost completely forgotten his encounter with the lost traveler months ago. A bit concerning that a stranger was able to find his place of work just based off his name...

He twisted the phone cord around his finger. “Ah. Mr. Garrett. Were you able to find your building?”

“You bet your ass I did,” he said, chuckling. Akaashi heard papers shuffling around. “I told you I always pay my debts. You should’ve told me what you did for a living! Imagine my surprise when an early recording of your piece for the NSO landed on my desk.”

Akaashi was even more confused, had no idea how any of this was piecing together. What the hell would an American want to do with the NSO?

“I’m a creative director for the New York Philharmonic. You caught me when I was in Japan for the Takefu Music Festival. But I guess you wouldn’t think a hick like me had anything to do with that, did ya?”

His back straightened. No. No, he hadn't thought that all. 

“I showed the recording to the rest of the board. I know it's late notice, but we want to commission a piece from you for our final concert of the season.”

The cord flung off his finger, the sound vibrating. “C-commission?”

Tom’s deep laugh rumbled through the phone. “Yes. Commission. You know that thing when you get paid for your work? How does that sound, interested?”

If Tom could see his face right now, he would probably recant the offer. He was stunned. Absolutely shell shocked. He never would’ve thought that by helping some random stranger get an Uber, an offer like this could come. This was worth a hundred times more than the fee for that trip.

“I-I would love to.”

“Great! What’s your email, I’ll send you the list of instrument counts our orchestra works with and some more details on what we're looking for. If you can get me something in my inbox by, let’s say end of May for our review? We’ll fly you out a few days before the concert so you can give input during final rehearsals.”

End of May. End of season concert. This was coinciding right with his schedule to finalize and rehearse the selection for the NSO, and with the peak of trials. He was already so overwhelmed, but no way would he give up this opportunity. 

“Yes. Done.” He gave him his email, jotting down the other’s as well, along with the New York Phil’s conductor and the date of the concert. 

“Fantastic. Look forward to working with you. Oh, and Keiji?”

“Yes?”

“We’re a bit more....theatrical than your Japanese orchestra. Keep that in mind when composing. Don't be afraid to go out of the box.”

Akaashi’s heart was hammering. “Got it.”

“Talk later.”

\------

It was bizarre to him that he had gone 28 years with barely anything to show for his work, only to have it all be happening at once.

Days were spent continuing to work with the NSO, rehearsing his new piece and meeting with Yasufumi to talk about interpretations, while also composing the piece for the New York group during any free time.

He had looked over their instrument counts - they were almost the complete opposite to the NSO. Where his current group was wind heavy, the American’s were bass and percussionist heavy. Same amount of strings but the offset of instruments would change a piece entirely. He had struggled for days as to how to even start writing something.

Usually he would ask his Sensei, but that obviously wasn't an option. Maria had tried to offer what suggestions she could, but couldn't really provide anything other than saying the CCS would be available for him to dry run anything.

He burned a week of valuable time erasing and crumbling drafts before Suga had taken him for coffee, giving him the best advice yet.

‘Well, you know how the Americans are,’ he had said, leaning in smugly. ‘Very dramatic. Just write something that feels like it’s supposed to be on the big screen. They’ll eat it up.’

‘Dramatic.’ Akaashi couldn’t deny it. He had gone back and listened to a few previous performances. They leaned heavily towards statement pieces, not flowing and lyrical that Akaashi was used to. He still wasn’t sure yet where he would go with it, but it was a good starting point even if it wasn't in his wheelhouse. It was taking everything he’s ever learned throughout the years to find the thread he wanted to follow down for the piece.

It was exhilarating. Invigorating. Akaashi was having the time of his life with all the music he was thrown into. 

But his relationship was not.

With the added work, he holed himself up to get the composition done. As usual, Bokuto kept saying it was fine and that he understood, he would've been more upset if Akaashi had turned down the offer, but, this was just another strain.

The past few months already had them on edge, and now he wasn’t able to even go to the gym just to sit with his boyfriend while he worked - he didn’t have time in between rehearsal and drafting to get there. They saw each other barely once every other week, they fought over stupid things more than talked, their schedules were just overlapping too much. 

**From Suga**

_Did you see this?! Surprised you didn't go with them!!  
_

Akaashi finished washing the pot in his hands, wiping his hands on a towel to open the link Suga sent him. 

It was an article titled 'Japan’s Men Volleyball Team Takes a Plunge.'

There was a video montage of a few national team members; Kuro, Atsumu, Aran, Yaku etc. and of course, Bokuto.

And they went sky diving. 

Akaashi's heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of the GoPro footage showing his boyfriend jumping out of a plane. 

The man looked ecstatic, as did the others, while letting out hoots and hollers into the sky, the wind whipping back their hair and making their lips curl back. 

He texted his boyfriend.

**To Koutarou**

_What the fuck, Kou?? Were you going to tell me??_

It’s not necessarily that he was upset about the skydiving. It was more that he didn’t tell Akaashi. What if something had happened to him? What if their last conversation ever was fighting over not leaving wet towels on the bed? Bokuto had walked out of the apartment after that one and they were still on heated terms from it.

Not talking about internal battles he's working through, Akaashi had learned to deal with. But now his boyfriend wasn’t telling him stuff like this, wasn’t talking to him at all when Akaashi had been trying so hard to keep them afloat.

And there was only so much more he could take of letting Bokuto off the hook.

Bokuto didn’t answer. 

Akaashi was pissed. 

So pissed, he didn't try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Or the one after that. Even when Bokuto finally answered saying ‘It was spur of the moment’. No, Akaashi was done giving in to his boyfriend’s antics. 

So when he heard his door unlock, a rare Sunday circled on the calendar to meet up, he didn’t get up from the piano. Didn’t look at him. Didn't stop playing what he was practicing.

The footsteps stopped halfway into the room.

At least Bokuto was smart enough to not say anything or to interrupt him. 

Eventually, Akaashi’s hands finally stopped, the silence in the apartment as the final notes dispersed pulling taut.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” Bokuto finally mumbled. 

Akaashi’s head whipped over, his boyfriend was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking distant as ever. “Not a big deal? You jumped out of a plane, Kou! Something could’ve happened, you could’ve died!”

Rolling his eyes, “Stop overreacting,” Bokuto dismissed.

Akaashi stood up, face turning redder and redder while he inched closer. “Overreacting? I’m _overreacting_ that my boyfriend has suddenly stopped talking to me? Stopped telling me things? Things that are important-"

“It wasn’t important!”

“Yes it was, Kou!” he exclaimed, his hands waving in fury. How could he not realize how hurt he was? “How do you think I would’ve felt if I had to find out from some tabloid that you fucking died. Found out when you didn’t even tell me you were going in the first place.”

Bokuto sighed, “It’s skydiving, not going off to war. Hardly anyone dies.”

“But they do.”

“That’s not the point.”

“You’re right, the point is you should’ve _told_ me. When did you stop telling me things!”

“It’s not like I planned it!” Bokuto’s voice escalated back. “It’s not like I said ‘Oh, I’m going to go skydiving and not tell my boyfriend, that’s a brilliant idea,’” he mocked. “It just happened!”

“Skydiving doesn’t just happen!”

“Well this time it did, Akaashi!”

They both froze, the air being sucked out of the room as they both straightened. 

“What?” Akaashi whispered, barely heard over Bokuto’s thumping chest. 

Just as shocked, Bokuto stuttered, “Baby, i-it just came out, I-I don’t-"

Akaashi surged forward, grabbing the athlete’s shirt and dragging him down, slamming their lips together. It was hard, claiming, demanding. 

They released with a gasp, breathing heavily and eyes searching one another. 

“You’re one of the only people allowed to call me Keiji. I expect you to use it,” Akaashi said, a bit threateningly. “Even if you’re yelling at me. Understand?”

Bokuto fiddled a bit. “Yes, sir.”

The smaller man's face flashed in a smirk before pulling him back down and kissing him again, gentler and more delicate.

It was Bokuto’s turn to pull back and whisper to his boyfriend, his features apologetic. “You’re right. I should’ve told you. I don’t know why I couldn’t have sent a quick text, I’m sorry.”

Akaashi patted his cheek. “Good boy.” 

They stood there holding each other for a while, Bokuto breathing in his boyfriend’s scent while he pressed his cheek into his hair. He let out a content sigh.

“I miss you, Ji.”

“I know,” Akaashi nodded into the other’s chest. “I miss you too. I’m sorry that things have been so hectic.”

“S’okay, we’re both working hard. I just…don’t know what to do when we’re so busy like this.”

Pulling away, Akaashi cupped the worried face above him. “Hey, it’ll be ok. We just gotta work harder on communication. _Talk_ more, yeah? You gotta stop hiding in your head,” he urged.

He grabbed their hands, swinging them in between them. “And once the concert’s over, and we get pass the trials, we’ll get to go to New York and just relax. Take some time just for us while we listen to a bunch of Americans try to play my work.”

Bokuto smiled, the sight burning into Akaashi’s heart, nodding before claiming the pianist’s lips again.

“I can’t wait.”

——————

Time is a funny thing. It flies by while also seeming to stay still in a never ending loop.

Wake up. Go to work. Find time to eat. Go to sleep. Repeat.

Things felt a bit better between the two, Akaashi could see a slight shift in Bokuto being more responsive - nowhere near where he had hoped, but he appreciated the effort nonetheless.

It felt like they were frozen in a cycle without moving forward until suddenly the wheel flew off the track.

And the first game of the trials finally rolled around.

Japan was playing Australia.

The stadium was packed, people from all over coming to see the match. Their coach had warned them, just because Japan was technically the better team and that this should be an easy match, they shouldn’t underestimate them.

They went into the game as if their opponent was the toughest team out there.

It was the best match-up Japan could’ve started with. The team got to get their nerves out and get the feel for using new plays with all the eyes on them. Saw where they still had gaps, saw what worked and what didn’t.

Akaashi twisted the hem of his shirt in his hands, his teeth gnawing on his lips. His eyes never left the ball as it flew from one side to the other.

Oikawa set a high ball, Bokuto drew down, his legs bursting up. Akaashi swore he saw the exact moment his boyfriend did - the quick shift to where the blockers hand was moving and where the open space would be, and in the blink of an eye, Bokuto shifted the direction of the ball right through the block.

“Yes!” Akaashi cheered, jumping off the seat as their friends did the same. He clapped his hands together. “Yes, Kou!”

The ace pumped his arms, a yell coming out of him as the team hit his back. He looked up before the next serve to point at his boyfriend, the onlooker returning the gesture.

Australia put up a good fight, but it wasn’t enough as Japan took three sets in a row.

The gym was chaotic. Red jerseys jumping up and down as the nation moved on to the next round in the best position possible.

It was a swarm and infinite sea as people exited the gym, Akaashi and the small friend group stayed in the stands to wait out the rush of people. Japan had to go through interviews anyway so they might as well not get trampled.

Bokuto was on the court getting interviewed. Akaashi could see the way he was bobbing back and forth, shifting the weight from one leg to the other, eager to get away and celebrate. 

The sports commentator held the microphone to the athlete, the questions and answers unheard by Akaashi as the interview proceeded.

“Everyone played really well today,” Bokuto huffed, wiping his forehead on his jersey. “This was exactly what we needed going into the trials to work out any last minute issues, and thankfully we were able to think quick on our feet to compensate for anything that didn’t land.”

“And how are you feeling about that eventual game with Sweden?”

A brief moment of tenseness pulsed throughout his body, his heart not able to stop racing at the slight fear that pinged. The game that held so much at stake. “You know, we’re just taking it one game at a time and we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” he answered politically.

She nodded. “Well, with an ace like you leading the team, I’m sure it will be no problem,” she smiled, holding out her hand. “Good luck in the rest of the trials, Bokuto-kun.”

He took it, shaking it with a false grin on his face as he forced his legs to walk to the locker room with the rest of the team.

Kuro wrapped his arm around the man, shaking him. “There he is! Our fearless leader!” Everyone slapped his back, Bokuto perking a bit at the energy. 

They all started chanting, slamming their hands against the lockers in rhythm, “Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold!”

Bokuto plastered on his smile again, determined to take the win and to celebrate.

But in the back of his mind he just kept hearing Sweden, Sweden, Sweden, Sweden.

And how he better be on his A-game.

\------------

The wheel appeared again, constantly moving while feeling stuck.

Akaashi didn’t see Bokuto for two weeks after the Australia game.

They had all gone out to eat to celebrate, Bokuto going home with Akaashi afterwards and was actually able to stay awake for the first time in what felt like forever, finally got to feel their bodies on each other again. They both needed the release. No arguing, no rushed conversations or touches, just passion. And connection. 

But the day after, it was right back to Bokuto’s practice schedule being heightened for the next game. Akaashi sent him daily texts to try and keep them from falling back into the abyss, reminded Bokuto that even if he came straight from practice and just went to sleep, Akaashi wouldn’t mind. He just wanted to see his boyfriend. 

  
  
But he had gone to sleep alone since then.

Japan had won against Germany in the second round. It was harder than the first game, Germany taking the first two sets and driving Japan into a corner before they finally got their feet under them and found their groove. 

Bokuto was dragged into meeting after meeting, interview after interview, talk shows, sports magazine write ups and shoots. The only time Akaashi got to see him, was if he saw his interview on TV in between rehearsals.

And it wasn’t doing Akaashi any favors. 

He was getting nervous himself now. The performance was finally coming up. He’s done all that he could. Yasufumi loved where the piece was. Akaashi loved where the piece was. He hoped everyone loved the piece.

But there was always the chance that it would crash and burn.

Not being able to soundboard off his best friend was making him more anxious, but he didn’t want to put any more pressure on the man.

Tom had given the go ahead on the piece he had sent over to New York. It was a huge accomplishment, the paycheck going through and feeling like he’s finally got a foot in the door. Sending the score in felt like submitting that final exam his senior year of college. 

Now all that was left was for them to get through the next few weeks. This was the heyday, what they've spent months sacrificing for. The Sweden game was at 2pm next Saturday, Akaashi would have a dress rehearsal the same night at 7pm. The NSO performance was the Friday after. There was one more game the following weekend, and then they'd get to go to New York.

So much happening at once. Yet Akaashi couldn't find himself to complain, it felt like such a huge turning in both of their careers that he found himself more excited than upset.

He was going through notes and archives Chiaki had given him from Takahiro's office so that he would be prepared for how he wanted to approach working with the New York group. He had just finished organizing the papers he would take with him when he heard his door handle shake, scratches coming from the other side along with a string of mumbled curses.

Frowning, he walked over, peering through the peephole before unlocking it and pulling it open. 

Bokuto stood there with his hands wrapped around a key - Akaashi didn’t know _what_ key because it most certainly wasn’t the silver one he gave his boyfriend to his apartment.

The man’s eyes were saucers, his body swaying side to side a bit. 

“Baaaabbyyy,” he called, lifting his arms over his head in celebration before they came down heavily on Akaashi’s shoulders. The smaller man stumbled back as all the weight landed on him. 

“Kou, what the hell?” He pulled him forward into the apartment, Bokuto’s feet dragging and tripping. Giggles were coming out. 

Straightening up, Bokuto clutched the pianist’s face. “Keiji, you’re so beautiful,” he slurred. He smelt like a bar, liquor seeming to reek not even just off his breath, but his clothes themselves. A bit of the fabric on the front of his shirt was damp, most likely from spilling drinks on himself. 

“Kou, have you been drinking? I thought your coach banned alcohol until after the trials?”

“Mmmm I don’t careee,” he whined, rubbing his face onto his boyfriend's. “I neeedeeed it.”

“What? Why did you need it? Kou, what’s going-"

Bokuto’s face lit up in excitement, he clutched Akaashi’s cheeks again. “Oi, Keiji, we should switch.”

Akaashi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his hands trying to steady the swaying man in front of him. “Switch what?”

“Sex,” Bokuto said dead seriously, not an ounce of joking on his face. His hands slid down to Akaashi’s ass, squeezing while leaning down and kissing all over the musician's face, leaving faint traces of saliva laced with liquor on him. “ _You_ should fuck _me,_ ” he garbled in between the kisses. Akaashi was turning his face, scrunching his eyes shut at the onslaught.

“What the hell, Koutarou, since when do you want to bottom?” he managed to ask. “You‘ve always said you don’t prefer it.”

He was starting to feel claustrophobic. He didn’t like Bokuto handling him like this, the sudden attack of touching and alcohol reeking making him panic. 

Bokuto’s hands were still kneading all over, he was ranting about how Akaashi should ram into him, and how _good_ Akaashi would feel, and how it _has_ to be a desire of Akaashi. And it was all boiling up, Akaashi not liking his boyfriend’s words, but they were drunk and harmless - until Bokuto reached one hand down to squeeze the smaller man's dick hard through his jeans, and the other snaked into his waistband to press a finger against his hole. 

The slap reverberated off the walls. 

A bit of clarity went to Bokuto’s eyes as his palm covered the red mark already blossoming on his face from his boyfriend’s hand. 

Clenching his fists at his sides, Akaashi's chest was panting a bit, his eyes burning into the man across from him as he tried to control his fury. 

“You’re drunk,” he spat. “And I don’t like how you’re acting right now. I don’t like you touching me like this.”

Bokuto’s face was still frozen, his eyes seeming to fully take Akaashi in for the first time. 

“You have two options,” Akaashi said firmly, “You can either go to sleep here right now, or I can drive you home.”

Clouded gold eyes shifted to the bed. Nodding wordlessly, Bokuto took a step back, mumbling a sorry before walking towards it, shedding clothes and falling down onto the mattress. 

Akaashi pressed his lips together, staring at the now already unconscious man. 

What the fuck was going on?

—————

The sound of the toilet flushing woke Akaashi up. It was still early from what he could tell, the rising sun still a bit grey amongst the darkness it was slowly erasing. 

He got off the bed, moving towards the light coming from his bathroom. He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed. 

Bokuto was sitting on the floor, his clothes still shed except for his black boxers, one arm clutching the toilet while he wiped his mouth on the back of his arm. A thin layer of sweat was on his flushed face as he caught his breath. 

“Brought this upon yourself,” Akaashi murmured. 

Bokuto barely nodded his head, eyes half closed. 

“You wanna tell me why you showed up here shitfaced?”

He kept his head down, not saying anything. 

“Koutarou.”

Broken eyes raised up. 

Akaashi tried hard not to make the glare he was shooting _too_ damning. “You show up here like that again, you touch me like that again, and I will push you out the door quicker than you can say sorry.”

A ghost of a nod confirmed the other heard. 

Sighing out through his nose, Akaashi walked away only to come back a second later with a glass of water, holding it out without a word to the man on the ground. 

His boyfriend took it gratefully. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....ha.....haha.....hahahahaha
> 
> Y’all thought it would be just like all the other arcs huh? Ya nah. There’s....woof. A lot man. 
> 
> Me over here reading y'all’s comments about who the fuck Tom was going to be DID YALL EXPECT THIS.


	47. Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up the day of the game was eerily similar to how one wakes up on their birthday. Or the morning that they have to get up early to go catch a flight. The anticipation lurking, every tick of the clock taunting, the sun not creeping fast enough.
> 
> Until it was finally time to get out of bed and start the fateful day.

Scared shitless.

That’s how Bokuto was feeling.

Absolutely scared shitless.

It was too much, everything was just weighing down on him. All the bright and smiling faces as they wished him luck, the interviews exclaiming how he was such a strong ace, his team’s expectant faces.

It was a wall in front of him. A black, infinite, light-sucking wall that he couldn’t see past.

Until he ran right into it and crashed down hard.

  
  
He had hit himself over the head again and again when he finally got over his hangover from the night he showed up at Akaashi’s. He didn’t even remember going there. Barely even registered ubering from the bar until he checked his phone receipts the next day.

He just wasn’t able to take it anymore. Leaving practice that day, all the media outside the practice gym snapping pictures and probing questions, was just a constant reminder of the pressure that this next game would hold.

So when he started walking home, and the bright neon 'open' sign to a bar they’ve been to a few times was lit up, he couldn’t stop himself from going in for one drink to take the edge off, even if coach had explicitly banned the consumption until after trials.

One drink turned into two. Then four. Then seven.

Next thing he knew, he was puking into his boyfriend’s toilet.

The look of disappointment Akaashi gave him was the worst part.

He knew he messed up. Couldn’t fathom what he may have said or done. His boyfriend wouldn’t say, would only keep repeating 'Just don’t show up here drunk like that again and we’ll be fine.'

So he bucked up. Weirdly enough, feeling a bit more resolved. It was a fluke, he decided. A moment of weakness he was determined not to repeat.

And now that it was out of his system, he got his mind ready to play Sweden.

Practice was spent watching old game footage, drilling plays and plays and more plays until there weren’t any missteps - every set of the ball was in the perfect position, every serve hit its mark, every block held true.

The team felt good. And strong. And even Bokuto now felt confident that they could beat Sweden and Ushijima and the whole thing. The entire Olympics next summer. He would make sure of it.

Akaashi dropped by the gym when he had time, even if only for a few minutes before running back to the hall. It was evident that he was extremely worried as he stood pulling at his fingers while waiting for a water break to be called, evident that he wanted to make sure his boyfriend was ok ever since that night.

And as much as Bokuto was ecstatic to see him, he didn’t want to worry him any more, not when Akaashi was busy preparing for his own moment in the sun. 

‘It was a brief pitfall’, he'd assure him. ‘I won’t fall down that hard again,’ he'd tell him. Flashes of uncertainty would cross the musician’s face, unsure whether to believe the words as he rubbed down Bokuto’s arms. Sooner or later he’d nod his head weakly and kiss him bye to head back to rehearsal.

The athlete didn’t need to tell his boyfriend how scared he was still feeling underneath the mask. If he said it, it would give it more power. So no. He wouldn’t admit it. He would be strong for everyone. That’s what they needed, what they expected from their Ace.

And eventually, he even believed himself.

Waking up the day of the game was eerily similar to how one wakes up on their birthday. Or the morning that they have to get up early to go catch a flight. The anticipation lurking, every tick of the clock taunting, the sun not creeping fast enough.

Until it was finally time to get out of bed and start the fateful day.

The team ride to the stadium gave them enough time to jostle one another to try and get their nerves out. But every smile was a little too forced, legs shook in their team-issued sweatpants, eyes flicked to the windows constantly. People lined the streets, fans decked out in Japan’s colors, faces painted, flags waving behind them. They cheered as the bus rolled by.

They slowly got off the bus, unpacking equipment and calling out instructions before heading to the locker room. It was an hour before the game yet people were already cramming through the doors to get in, scalpers were reselling tickets by the gates, spectators took pictures of the team disembarking.

A little boy broke free of his mother’s grasp and ran towards the athletes.

“Bokuto-san, Bokuto-san!” he called, holding out a picture torn from one of the magazine interviews he did. “Can I have your autograph!” he smiled excitedly, a few of his teeth missing.

Bokuto paused, taking him in before kneeling down and reaching for the pen in his hand. “Sure, what’s your name?”

“Taiki!” he beamed, bouncing up and down.

Signing a short note, “Well Taiki,” Bokuto grinned, handing it back to him. “Thanks for cheering us on, I hope you enjoy the game. Don’t run off from your mother though, ok?”

He nodded intently. “Yes, sir!” Fidgeting back and forth for a second, he rushed forward and hugged the man’s neck. “I'm gonna be just like you, Bokuto-san! You’re my favorite player, you're unstoppable!”

Ignoring the additional drop he felt being added to the pressure in his stomach, Bokuto breathed in deeply, patting the boy on the head and waving him off, jogging to catch up with the rest of the team.

The atmosphere in the locker room while they changed was tense. Everyone was fairly quite as they got their jerseys on, replacing their sweatshirts with warm up gear and storing items in their respective areas. The coaches huddled in the corner going over material. A manager had the China game up, ready to give news of the outcome.

White, imprinted letters stared up at him. Bokuto ran his fingers over his name on the back of the red jersey. A flimsy piece of fabric that felt like a ton of bricks. A million sandbags. The weight of an entire country hoping for a medal next summer.

Steadying himself, he pulled it on over his head, turning to look around once he finished.

Oikawa was sitting on a bench, Iwaizumi wrapping up his knee and securing the brace, his hands lingering a little bit longer on the setter’s legs.

Kageyama was stretching Hinata forward, the usually perky ball of fire quiet as he reached for his toes.

The second string were pacing a bit back and forth, their eyes turned in and heads tilted down.

Atsumu wasn’t cracking jokes. Kita and Sakusa were sitting quietly on the benches. Even Kuro was frozen with his hands on his locker door, staring into the back of it as if he could see the outcome of the game.

They were all waiting.

Waiting for the only person that could ever get their spirits up.

The only person that’s ever been able to get them pumped.

They were waiting for their ace.

Sucking in, Bokuto slammed his locker shut and walked into the middle of the room. Faces looked up to meet his, trepidation and excitement all mixed together.

He let the air sit, let them all bring their focus to him slowly, looked down as he just walked back and forth in the middle of the ring of benches.

“Big game today, huh?” he said finally into the space. Murmurs came from the group.

“This is a game that a lot of athletes live for,” Bokuto continued, his voice getting stronger from the familiar feeling of taking on this role, “The air feels different, yeah? You all probably woke up this morning unsure of whether to come in guns blazing or to be on the defensive.”

He shrugged. “Both are right. Both are the right answer. What you’re feeling right now, is valid.”

Pointing at each of them, “But I believe in every one of you,” he said, taking a circle. “And I tell you what, it has been the greatest time getting here, hasn’t it? Every single laugh, every time Hinata ran into a wall going for a long ball.”

A few chuckles escaped, the dread falling away from the room a smidge.

“Every time Atsumu chucked a volleyball at someone for bringing up his twin. Sakusa needing to have fifty cans of disinfection at all times.” He smiled. Sakusa shrugged, looking down at the aerosol can in his hands. “So how about we go out there and have some fun like we always do, yeah?“

Smiles finally came to everyone’s faces, the air lightening as they focused in. _Fun._ They can do that.

“I’m extremely proud to be on this team,” the ace stated. “To represent this country. And to get to play with every single one of you. We all have something to bring to the table. To this team. To this game. It took all of us to get here, and it’s going to take all of us to win this game, and after that, a medal.

“You’re allowed to feel nervous. _Be_ nervous. Be on guard. Because the minute we start to feel comfortable, is the minute we’ve already lost. So rather than trying to fight it and let it get in your head, acknowledge the emotion. _Welcome_ it in. And let it fuel you as you go out onto that court and keep all eyes open on the only thing that matters - Victory!” he exclaimed, everyone screaming out back to him.

Eagerness now fueling their steps, claps and yells coming out, they patted Bokuto on the back as they passed him to make their way out of the locker room and onto the court for warmups.

Bokuto hung back, watching the laughter finally coming to his team walking in front of him. He dropped heavily onto a bench once the room cleared out, his chest hurting, gripping at it tight. A knock came on the door.

He picked his head up as it opened, immediately standing up and dusting off his jersey with a bright smile on his face. It wiped clear off once he saw who it was, his shoulders collapsing. He plopped back down onto the bench.

“Hey, hotshot,” Akaashi smirked, walking into the room, a family pass swinging from his neck. He was wearing Bokuto’s jersey, the opposite color they would use on away games, but not merchandise, no. This was different from the rest - he was the only one allowed to wear his boyfriend’s official jersey.

He strolled in and knelt down in front of the volleyball player, gently taking the hands that were pulling at the black and white hair to squeeze them. “Figured you’d might need someone to make sure that _you_ were feeling ok.”

A strangled sound came from Bokuto, the noise coming out shakily as he lifted his head. He chewed on his lip, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t think I can do this,” he mumbled after a moment.

Akaashi’s eyes softened, “Hey, hey, hey, it’s ok,” he calmed, moving up to sit next to him on the bench, cradling his head into his shoulder. Bokuto gripped onto his arms. “You’re so much stronger than you think, Kou. It takes an immense amount of willpower to lift others up when you need it yourself.” He pushed the head back, looking deep into the discouraged eyes while clutching his face. “You’ve done the hard part already, raising your team up. Now all you have to do is go out there and do what you love. Focus on that feeling you get jumping through the air, that electricity when you connect to the ball, that thrill that comes the split second you're in the air to serve." Rubbing his thumbs across his cheekbones, "You’re a star, Kou. Now it’s time for you to shine,” he encouraged.

Bokuto scrunched his face with a grin, his teeth still digging into his lip as he nodded. He breathed through his nose heavily before standing up, pulling his boyfriend up with him and kissing him reverently. “Thank you, baby.”

“Anytime,” he smiled back. “Now go whoop their asses.”

They parted outside the locker room, their hands falling apart with Bokuto walking straight to go to the court floor and Akaashi going right to go up to the stands.

The lights bounced off Bokuto’s shoulders as he walked in.

Akaashi was right.

But he wasn’t just going to shine.

He was going to burn a path across the entire court.

\----

Squeaks from the shoes slashed through Akaashi’s ears. Calls came from the players as they found one another. Akaashi had to will his heart rate down so he could hear the coaches plays, his eyes never tearing away from the ball.

“They need to figure out how to get through their blocks or they’re doomed,” Daichi mumbled next to him.

“Hinata’s slowing down, they can’t keep trying to use him as a distraction,” Akaashi agreed. “Save his energy, there are a lot of sets.”

“They’re getting too anxious, trying to make up for last set.”

Japan had lost the first set. It was hard to watch, the team slowly crumbling with each point made against them until the final point was won.

The air hung thick going into the second. But Bokuto shot their hopes up as he tore through the barrier on the first return. They hit a streak, slamming the ball into the other side and gaining a steady lead. 

Halfway through, Sweden caught up. And they were neck and neck. Akaashi dug his fingers into his palms. They _had_ to take this set. They had to win it. If they didn’t, Akaashi didn’t think even Bokuto would be able to get their hopes up.

Coach called a time out, plays were scribbled hastily onto a board as payers caught their breaths, chugging as much water as they could.

“China just lost the second set,” Kenma mumbled, clicking his phone off at the notification.

They nodded. No one wanted to think about them losing this game, but the cards were still being turned over, the dealer constantly shuffling as the flop and turn cards were revealed, waiting for that final river card to fall. They had fallen into place for Japan at the moment, opponents not slated to win rising to the occasion and others defeated. The only shot they had to keep seed B if they lost this game was if they played China, but China had to win their current game in order for that final card to lay.

If they even needed it.

Bokuto's parents were hushed next to them, intent looks on their faces as they watched their son. Kira was gnawing on her nail.

The match restarted.

Sweden pulled the lead.

7-9

7-11

Japan was losing momentum, bodies still blazing but eyes a bit lost.

10-12

15-17

Yaku fixed his stance, found the angle to hold himself to return those power spikes going to the corner.

19-19

21-21

21-22

24-22

Japan match point.

They were panting. Both team’s energy flailing at the intense fight for the set. Bokuto was calling out to everyone over his shoulder, Kuro egging them on from the side as he was rotated in next. They were in their best rotation to attack.

But Sweden was in their best rotation to defend.

Akaashi could see the team’s confidence drop.

And then it happened.

The ball went up to Oikawa, his setter eyes scanning the court in one second as he prepared to make the play and toss the ball up, but even he was shocked when he saw Bokuto completely shift sides from where he was, running full speed up to Hinata before the ball was in the air and slinging the small man to the other side of the court. Even Hinata was a bit confused as his muscles, by habit, jumped where Bokuto used to be standing a second before. The blockers on the other side were so focused on Bokuto’s blatant run and change of play, that their attention was solely set on the two wing spikers.

Sakusa slammed the ball down from a back row shot.

Bokuto joined Hinata in being the ultimate decoy.

And they won the set.

Roars went throughout the stadium, Japan jumping on Bokuto and Hinata and Sakusa as they secured the set.

The group of supporters joined in the cheering, Akaashi screaming out for his boyfriend with his arms wrapped around Daichi and Kenma’s shoulders, Suga clinging to Daichi’s waist. The Bokuto's had their hands in the air, voices straining to get over the noise as they celebrated.

It was exactly what they needed. The energy surging into the next set gave them the confidence boost they needed.

But the thrill could only last so long. They barely managed to win the third set riding off that high. But trials were first to three. And Sweden took the fourth.

2-2

They were exhausted. Utterly and blatantly exhausted. Hinata was on the ground, chest heaving as Iwaizumi did his best to work his leg muscles as quickly as he could before the next set.

Coach was analyzing everything, speaking from player to player on how to shift, what to look for, Kuro was talking to the wing spikers about what he noticed in the opponents blocking last set and what they could do to get past.

And the fifth and final set started. Game set to 15 points.

The fire being burned across the court could be felt all the way up to the spectators. Akaashi joined Kira in biting on his nail, his leg shaking as he watched Ushijima secure the first point in a service ace. He groaned. Not a good start.

Yaku connected the second one though, immediately lifting the team's spirit and setting the next play into action. The combination was executed perfectly, but not strong enough, Kuro’s spike bounced off the block as it went back and up. Atsumu ran out to it, jumping over a bench and punching it back towards the team, a lob that allowed it to stay in play but was a free ball for Sweden to use.

They got the point.

Akaashi’s shoulders deflated.

“China just took the third set,” Kenma updated.

They nodded, eyes not leaving the game in front of them.

“Come on, Kou,” Akaashi whispered.

Sakusa twisted his ankle, the crowd gasping as they escorted him off.

They started breaking apart, were getting too flustered. They lost control. Sweden took the lead as Japan fumbled plays and there was miscommunication on who was going for balls.

Bokuto finally called to coach to take a time out. Their last one.

Akaashi watched as his boyfriend took the time to look each and every player in the eyes, shaking their shoulders and waking them up. He smiled, watching the man step up to the plate.

They walked back onto the court, a bit more energy to their steps.

Back and forth, back and forth, they built up a steady tempo and fell back into rhythm.

“China won!”

They barely heard Kenma though, because at the moment, Japan was winning. And it wouldn’t even matter if China won if Japan came out victorious.

Akaashi’s eyes were hurting from not blinking, his body shifted forward to the edge of the seat, his hands gripped into the coarse plastic. He didn’t want to miss a second of it.

13-11

14-14

14-15

17-17

19-19

Akaashi’s heart was through the roof. He couldn’t breathe. He clutched the jersey he was wearing, willing it to give his boyfriend some sort of courage, some sort of boost to break through the freaking block that had shut him down so many times to day.

A spark on the court.

Akaashi saw it.

The slight glint in Bokuto’s eyes as his arms went back to jump.

Oikawa saw it too. Was sure of it as he sent the ball flying to the team’s ace.

Sweat fell off of Bokuto’s body, legs vaulting him into the air, arms curving and flexing. He slammed the leather ball.

Time froze.

A jersey flapping in the air.

And the sound of the blockers hand moving right into the space of the cross that Bokuto tried to throw them off with, echoed into every nook and cranny as it dropped down onto Japan’s side.

And they lost the match.

\------

Blackness.

Darkness.

Chaos.

Screeching, and stillness, and silence all at once rushing throughout Bokuto.

They lost.

_He_ lost.

He failed them.

His hand burned from the last shot that his team had trusted him to breakthrough on.

The one that lost them the game.

Bowing was a blur.

Going into the locker room was a blur.

His coach speaking was a blur.

Everyone was nodding their heads in silence, consoling pats on the back sounding. Kuro was speaking to Bokuto, ‘China’ was repeated a lot.

But Bokuto just kept siting there. In a blur. Jersey still on. Knee pads still on. Hand still aching.

The team didn’t know what to do. Kept trying to get it through his head that they still had a chance, it wasn’t over. They didn't blame him at all.

But he couldn’t hear it.

So they sent in the one person who might be able to.

“Kou….” Akaashi whispered, standing in front of him. He tilted the dejected face up, his eyes flooding with concern. “It’s not your fault,” he muttered.

Tears started forming in the man’s eyes, Akaashi’s heart breaking. He could count the number of times he’s seen his boyfriend cry. And he hated it every time.

“Yes it is,” he choked.

He fell forward, burying his head into Akaashi’s chest and clutching the shirt, twisting it while sobbing. Akaashi gripped his neck tightly with one hand, his other hand rubbing his shaking back.

“Shhhhh, it’s ok, love, it’s ok.”

“No it’s not!” he wailed.

“It’s not over yet,” Akaashi consoled, “You beat China and it’s like this never happened.”

“But it did happen!” he yelled, looking up at him. Wetness poured down his face. “It happened and we wouldn’t even have to beat China if it hadn’t been for me fucking up! It’s all my fault!”

There was absolutely nothing that Akaashi could think of at the moment that would help ease the torment roaring through the athlete's heart. Sometimes, a comforting hand is worth it's weight in gold over incomprehensible words. So he stood there, rubbing his boyfriend's back consistently, anchoring him as moisture soaked through both their jerseys. Stood there for however long until the choked sobs quieted down, and a trail of hiccups was all that was left.

“How about we go home," Akaashi said quietly, "You take a long, warm shower, and we get something good to eat. An absolute smorgasbord of anything and everything you want until we get sick. Whatever you want, we can do."

Bokuto shook his head, pulling away finally and wiping his face off with a hand. “No," he sniffled. " No, I-I just want to be alone right now. If that’s ok.”

Akaashi frowned. “Kou, I don’t think-"

“Please, Keiji,” he whispered, barely even heard. Tremors were still going through his chest, throat pulsing from swallowing thickly. “I just...need to take a moment. I’ll-I’ll be fine.” He looked at the clock on the wall. “You need to go get ready for your dress rehearsal anyway.”

Akaashi ran his hands through his boyfriend's hair, he had honestly completely forgotten about that. It didn't seem very important at the moment. “I don’t want to leave you alone…I know it’s what you prefer, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

Grabbing one of the hands from his head, Bokuto pressed a kiss to the palm of it. “I’ll be fine. Just...have to get it out of my system,” he said, voice dejected.

Maybe if they hadn’t spent so many months on edge, so many dates rescheduled and texts left on read then the words would’ve been different. But this is what his boyfriend was asking for currently, he was vocalizing what he needed, so Akaashi had to respect it. But that didn't mean he couldn’t look around it.

He knelt down, eye level with the athlete still sitting and making sure he was looking at him before speaking.

“I’m going to do what you want right now,” he stated. “I’m going to give you your space and go to my dress rehearsal and give you some time, but the _second_ I’m done, I’m going to your place and smothering you in love. Got it?" he offered. "Compromise."

He couldn’t read Bokuto's eyes, something he was usually so good at. They were looking at Akaashi, but were they actually seeing him?

Bokuto gave a weak nod, a shadow of a grateful smile hidden in it.

With one last long kiss to his forehead, Akaashi put his hands in his pockets and left his boyfriend as he asked for.

But he was counting down the clock until he could wrap him back up in his arms to help him through the loss.

The river card has been drawn, and all that's left is for the players to reveal their hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Bokuto NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AGHIaewg lkds /eF
> 
> Fuck, I hated doing that. But it happens guys. IT HAPPENS. 
> 
> Now we get to see how the cards land after this.


	48. Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto stood there at a lost, his eyes wide. Every muscle in his body wanted to flail, wanted to punch a wall. But he couldn’t deny that he had fucked up big time. He knew this was more than just royally fucking up.

It was a good call, going over after the dress rehearsal was done. The two didn’t say much, but the way Bokuto gripped onto Akaashi while the musician rocked him, the constant stream of tears that seemed to flow from his eyes, was evident enough of how much Bokuto needed his boyfriend there.

And then Akaashi was just confused.

Because they had eventually fallen asleep in Bokuto’s bed, yet when Akaashi woke up, the owner wasn’t there. He checked his phone. No text. There wasn’t a note anywhere. He wasn’t in the kitchen. The shower wasn’t running.

Akaashi panicked, so fearful of the disheartened man being by himself that he slammed his palms into Kuro’s door, waking him and Kenma up and speaking so fast to the still-coming-to-consciousness man, that it took the roommate a few moments to register what he was saying.

They started bombarding his phone, not one call or text being answered. All of them bolted out of the apartment, driving all over to places he might’ve gone - he wasn’t at the gym, the coffee shop on the corner was empty, the only consolation to their worrying was that bars weren’t open this early.

They finally found him an hour later at a park. Running gear on, sitting on a swing, just looking out. There was no shimmer to his usually glittering eyes.

Akaashi knelt down in front of him, his heart hammering still from being panicked and now pounding in relief, he rubbed the man’s thigh.

He didn’t say anything, just stared up at his boyfriend while keeping the comforting hand there, until Bokuto finally exhaled heavily through his nose, looked down at the pianist, and gave the briefest of nods.

And then they went home.

Akaashi made Kuro _promise_ to keep an eye on him while the pianist went to work and while they were at practice. Told him not to hesitate to call, do whatever he had to do to lift the man’s spirits, leave him alone without _actually_ leaving him alone.

The friend assured him that Bokuto would be fine. Anyone in his position would feel shitty, but the team would rally to make sure he knew it wasn’t his fault. The team wins together and they lose together. Plus, they’ll bounce back and beat China. He knows it.

The final trial game was set for two weeks away so they had time to get the ace back into it.

And by midway through the first week, they thought they finally did. He cracked jokes at practice, was eating more, talking more. They felt comfortable letting him be by himself, even came back from his runs on his own now.

But it was waves.

One second Bokuto was all smiles, ready to take on China. And the next, he was caught staring at his right hand, as if even just seeing it made him want to cut it off.

Akaashi did his best to distract him when they had time together, left trails of kisses down his body at night, not giving the man time to even think about the last game while he made his head fuzzy with desire.

Leaving him in the mornings to go to the music hall tore Akaashi’s heart apart, but he couldn’t just abandon his obligations.

This entire month couldn’t be over fast enough. Only a few more days until the NSO concert was over. One more week until the China game and then trials would be over. Then, they’d get to go to New York.

Akaashi would have to spend the few days before the concert rehearsing with the group, but after that, they had no responsibilities on their plate. No place to run off to. Just them getting to spend much needed time together. Maybe he could convince coach to give Bokuto an extra week off, take some more time to unwind. Lord knows they need it.

He just hoped his boyfriend would hold himself together until then.

Trying to pack his work bag, Akaashi pulled all the papers scattered across his island together, putting them into neat piles to be packed in his leather bag.

He didn’t have rehearsal until later, but Yasufumi and he were meeting beforehand to see if they wanted switch an alto saxophone to a baritone to bridge the piece’s foundation more. A bit of a close call considering the concert was in two days, but they trusted the musicians to be able to take the change if they did.

  
  
His mind was running twenty-four seven between music theory and his boyfriend. If someone asked him his name, he’d probably have to pause to try and remember it.

Needless to say, he wasn’t expecting at all to hear his door unlock. His head raised up, hands still moving across the counter.

“Hey, love,” he smiled, pleasantly surprised to be watching Bokuto walk in shyly, hands in the pockets of his windbreaker. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

Broad shoulders raised a minuscule of an inch, the man’s face shadowed across different mountains of emotions. “Just...needed to see you,” he breathed heavily.

Akaashi looked questioningly at him, his head tilting a bit. “Ah, not that I don’t want to hang out, but I have to go meet Yasufumi soon...”

Bokuto sucked in, looking towards the wall. “Any way you could skip it?”

The musician’s hands stopped packing. He turned, immediately giving his boyfriend his full attention at the tone of voice. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. I just...we still don’t really get to see each other, you’re always in rehearsal and I’m in practice and I just feel really pent up right now,” he clutched his chest, gasps coming out suddenly.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Akaashi hushed, concerned. He walked closer, taking his boyfriends panicking head in his hands. “Talk to me.”

Bokuto just shook his head again, his neck rotating it up and down and diagonal before deciding to push forward and kiss Akaashi, the lips pressing hard and coarse.

Akaashi pulled back, a bit shocked and taken off guard. He dug his fingers into the skin on the back of Bokuto's neck. “What can I do, what do you need from me?”

Rough, large hands rubbed Akaashi’s arms, the head attached to them tilted down, “Can we do it,” he whispered.

It took a second for Akaashi to put together what he was asking. He stared at him. “Right now?” he gawked.

Head still crestfallen, “Please, baby,” he said, breathy. “I just...feel like I’m about to explode and need to be with you.”

“I get that," Akaashi acknowledged, petting his hair back, "And I understand, really I do. But…why does it need to happen right now, can’t we meet up tonight?”

Bokuto didn’t say anything, fingers still gripping on to Akaashi’s shoulders.

“Ok,” Akaashi whispered after a moment. “Ok.”

He wasn’t necessarily in the mood. Knew that he didn’t have a lot of time before he had to go. But he could _feel_ the despair rolling off his boyfriend. Knew that he was fighting hard against something going on inside him and if this was going to help, then who was he to deny this.

It wasn't like their usual love making. They took just the needed time to stretch Akaashi. No teasing, or unnecessary burning kisses. Before long, Bokuto had seated himself in between Akaashi’s legs and had a steady rhythm of pumping into him.

Not fast. Not slow. No overwhelming sounds of insatiable moans. Just deep huffs coming from both of them. Akaashi gripped Bokuto’s hand in one, the other digging into the bedsheets. His deep, cobalt eyes gazed down at their hips every so often, mouth hanging open. Bokuto balanced himself over him, shoulder muscles flexing, groans slipping out.

Buzzing came from next to them after a bit, their eyes both shifting to look at it.

“Don't answer it,” Bokuto huffed, pumping a little quicker, a groan escaping Akaashi’s mouth from the pleasure. The vibrating from his ringing phone stopped.

Until it started again.

“Kou, just...just give me a second,” he puffed.

Bokuto glared down at him, his hips stopping. “Seriously, Keiji? Seriously?”

Akaashi was already reaching an arm out, “Just let me see who it is.”

“Oh my god!” Bokuto exclaimed, disbelief contorting his face. He pulled out, jumping off the bed.

“H-hello?” Akaashi stuttered into the phone, his eyes darting around to follow his boyfriend getting dressed. “O-one second Yasufumi-san, hold on, ” he said, putting the call on mute and scrambling off the bed, dragging his boxers on at the same time.

“Come on, Kou, stop! Just give me a second! I’m sorry, just please, wait.” He was trying to grasp the man’s arms, every limb being pulled away in a huff. “It’s Yasufumi, I couldn’t not answer him! It’s my job!”

Fully redressed, Bokuto finally stopped, breathing heavily. He stood there, eyes closing as he took a deep breath. He looked back at Akaashi with repentant eyes. “I know. I know. I’m sorry," he said sincerely. "I shouldn’t have asked you to do this when you’re so busy. Please forgive me.” He walked dejectedly towards the door.

Grabbing his shoulder, “Kou, hold on,” Akaashi stopped him, turning the man to face him. “Please, tell me what’s going on. I know you’re still upset, but please don’t go. Let’s figure out what to do.”

A weak smile flashed on Bokuto’s face.

Akaashi didn’t believe it for a second.

“Nothing, just needed to get a grasp on things. I’m really fine,” he tried to assure, kissing Akaashi’s forehead. He lifted a hand and hit himself on the head with his palm, a grin on his face. “I don’t even know what I was thinking, that was so stupid of me. I really am sorry, I’ll talk to you later, ok? Have a good rehearsal!”

And he walked out the door.

Akaashi’s whole body was tingling, so confused and starting to feel cold. He numbly walked back to the bed.

“Yes, Yasufumi-san?....Yes, I’ll be there soon.”

\----------

An arm looped around his shoulders when he walked in.

“Hey, man!” Kuro grinned.

Bokuto stood in the entrance, face void of emotion as he stared into the rest of the apartment with his roommate hanging off of him expectantly.

“Keiji call you?”

“As soon as you left,” Kuro said, patting his chest.

Bokuto shrugged him off, sighing. “I really am fine. I shouldn’t have bothered him to begin with.”

He went to the kitchen, grabbing an apple off the counter basket and taking a bite. “Realizing that I basically just asked my boyfriend to ignore his job to have sex with me was a wake up call,” he chuckled a bit, taking another bite of the fruit. “Imma spend the rest of the day chilling, resetting, maybe go for a run later, and you know what I was thinking? Can we get those burgers from that place in North Side?”

Kuro smirked, leaning his forearms onto the island. “You mean that place with those killer pick me up shakes? Hell yeah, buddy, we can get whatever you want.”

Nodding, Bokuto rapped his knuckles on the counter and patted Kuro’s shoulder. “Now come on, let me kick your ass in Mario Kart.”

\---------

There was a part of Akaashi that was a bit frustrated, annoyed even that here he was, coming up on a night so important to him, his first piece being played by the NSO, and he wasn’t able to lean on his boyfriend. Wasn’t able to get his nerves out with him.

He didn’t want to bother him though, couldn’t fathom talking about his nervousness when the athlete was still coming back from a devastating lost.

But at the same time, was he just suppose to put his life on hold? Stop being happy? Stop being excited about his own success? It’s not like Bokuto doesn’t have a shot at redemption with the China game.

It was an internal battle, and he would mentally smack himself over the head once he realized what he was thinking. It was unfair to think. Unfair to think that he's entitled to something when someone else is in pain.

But he couldn’t deny that a little encouragement would’ve helped him a lot.

Fortunately, he had Kenma. And Suga. He was able to turn to them when he started overthinking about how he should’ve wrote a section differently, or how maybe it’s not too late to pull the piece. They were there to _actually_ hit him over the head and stop his worrying.

He really didn’t know what he would do without them.

Even if he was nursing a pretty big knot on his head now from them hitting him so much.

Bokuto had called him at night like he said he would. Akaashi wasn’t even going to bring up the abrupt visit earlier but he couldn’t stop the word vomit of apologies that escaped his boyfriends mouth about how he was an actual idiot for asking for that and then getting mad.

He apologized over and over, saying it won’t happen again. He and Kuro had a great day, he told him. He had gone for a long run too, and he really did feel better. That morning, he just had so much pent up energy that needed to be expelled when he finished morning training that that’s why he had gone over. But he assured his boyfriend that he was ok.

Did Akaashi believe him? Not really.

Did Akaashi still appreciate it and think that he was actually getting a bit better? Absolutely.

Kuro said, based off previous track records, that he thought the man actually was on the brink of being back to normal. That was most likely the last bit he had to get out of his system. Bokuto was full of excitement when he talked to the roommate about grabbing Pretoria burgers and shakes. It was a good sign. That he would be in a good mood the day of the concert.

And then the day came.

And Akaashi supposed this was how Bokuto felt the day of his match on a much lesser scale.

  
The volts of lightning that randomly shot through his hands. The electric charge to the air when he woke up. The absolute pit of nervousness that sat in his stomach.

He had gone to see Chiaki the day of the concert, wanted to have their own special tribute to the man that got Akaashi to where he was. It was a perfect way to get his heart settled.

He had felt a bit guilty that he wasn’t spending the free time with Bokuto, but the volleyball player said he was spending the day feasting with Kuro and didn't want to distract him anyway, so he wasn’t too concerned. The athlete had sent flowers to Akaashi's apartment in the morning, wishing him luck with the small note since the pianist would be leaving from Chiaki's to go to the hall. They'd see each other after the concert.

And so, after spending the day reminiscing with his late sensei's wife, he changed into his tux and went to the hall by himself to start warming up, sending a text to his boyfriend that he loved him and couldn’t wait to see him afterwards.

He clicked the phone off, putting it in his pocket and adjusted his bow tie in one of the mirrors lined up in the green room. People rushed around him, a dissonance of noise sounding from the musicians playing all at once sections from every song they’d be performing in a moment.

“Are you ready?” Yasufumi asked, smoothing out the collar to his own slate jacket in the mirror next to the pianist.

Akaashi nodded. His whole body was tingling, it hadn't stopped since getting out of bed this morning. “Yes. Thank you, again, sir. For finally taking the time to hear me.”

Placing a hand on his shoulder, “Takahiro would be proud, Akaashi,” the conductor smiled.

At the mention of his sensei, his whole heart swelled, a sting coming to his eyes. Akaashi beamed. “Thank you.”

“Places in ten!” a manger yelled.

“Thank you, ten!”

\--------

_‘Please leave a voicemail after the beep._ ’

Beep.

“Koutarou, this is your mother,” Miya huffed into the phone, looking around, “I don’t know where the hell you are, but you better hurry your ass up if you don’t want to be late.”

Click.

**To Bokuto**

_Bo, where the hell are you??_

_7_ missed calls from _Kuro._

**To Bokuto**

_Bo, I swear to God if you don’t pick up right now, I’m going to fucking kill you_

**To Bokuto**

_Don’t do this. Don’t do this to Akaashi, please. Where the hell did you go_?

Kuro pocketed his phone, the lights dimming overhead. He shook his head grimly to Bokuto’s parents.

Miya blew angrily through her nose, hand reaching down to grip her husband’s. “Well, come on, best get to our seats.”

Kuro mimicked the action and took Kenma’s hand, the shorter boy the picture of apprehension. Daichi didn’t look much better.

They walked into the auditorium and found their seats, the one in between Miya and Kuro empty. Hiro and Kira cast worried glances at each other.

They went through the motions of clapping when the orchestra came on stage, Kuro biting his lip once he saw the pianist. Kenma had his phone out, brightness dimmed down and finger repeatedly pressing call.

Nothing.

They wanted more shakes earlier, but also had to pick up Kenma in the opposite direction.

  
  
Kuro went to get Kenma.

Bokuto went to get the food. 

And he didn’t come back.

  
  
Kuro should’ve fucking known better. But it had been a complete one-eighty since he had left Akaashi’s that day! He was smiling! And was so excited for the concert as he said he’ll meet the roommate back at the apartment with the food!

Kuro felt like shit.

But Bokuto better feel worse.

The pieces were all beautiful, classic and timeless.

But none of them were what they came for, really.

Before the last song, Yasufumi gave a short nod to the pianist, the audience clapping for the composer, his face flushed and nervous. The conductor turned back to the orchestra, his hands help up in suspense.

The empty seat next to them felt as wide and deep as the ocean.

The baton started swaying.

A lyrical and gentle melody sounded in response to the timing. Timid, almost, as the violins escorted the piano along in a sanguine and innocent tune. It was curious, and entrancing. A harp sang like the bells of a music box, the airy remembrance of a dream. And this was Akaashi.

Not him now.

This was him as a little boy, first discovering music with bright eyes. Before he even knew how to play piano properly, before all the politics of it all and the constant running. Back when all he knew, was that this was something _enchanting,_ and _breathtaking,_ and what he wanted to do with his whole heart for the rest of his life.

And that’s what he wrote into this piece - that pure and present love for _magic_.

The flutes took that simple tune from the piano and rephrased it.

An echo of that same melody that started with just a curious piano, growing, spreading throughout the band as more and more instruments took on this golden harmonious nature. Hesitant and cautious, yet still constantly learning and edging on the cusp of wonderment. Trying to push it, trying to break through. But unsure how.

Until the piano clearly and surely played the pinging notes over them, confidently.

And it grew. Grew and grew until all those instruments morphed together in an all-encompassing roar of love and desire.

The clear belief that _this_ was what his soul was meant to do.

A whirlwind of hope and magic building up, crashing into the space with no way to contain it anymore. A magic let loose.

Dynamic. Power woven into the softness of beauty, the choir haloing them on in angelic wonderment.

This. This was triumph. Victory in succeeding and never giving up. The pressing beat. That once tentative and timid pulse now full-fledged and grown into a cacophony of fortitude. It was compelling and rich all at once. Never losing that magical remnant though, the fluttering of wings from the harp. The flutes shimmering scales in a dance. And his hands running across the keys. Something he _knew_ he had to put in, the sure picture of poise - his boyfriend loved watching his hands too much not to.

Koutarou.

Another love that music brought him really. This deep and gut wrenching love that encouraged him on while composing the piece, and it was evident in the music - the testament to their overwhelming passion and how much this man has done for him.

It was his boyfriend's certainty that Akaashi could do it in the first place that made him believe he could. It was an athlete kneeling down in front of a pianist in a rehearsal room, looking into his eyes and telling him he can do it.

That belief rang clear and resonant in its own section, its own moment to break through the doors. Tender and romantic in its own tenacity of the crescendo.

The trumpets blared confidently, ringing out what he couldn’t say in words. He was always so bad with words. So music did it for him. This desire to be heard. This desire to create.

To just play.

This was all his hopes and dreams.

Every harmony, every instrument resounded that Akaashi was here! That he did it! He isn't just a pianist and he is just getting started.

And if he could go back and tell his younger self something, it would be to just believe in himself, like so many others believe in him. 

And as the build finally fell, and returned to that same lulling innocent nature, Akaashi was taken back. Taken back and overwhelmed as he thought back to that little boy he used to be that just had a dream. A wish. A desire. Had no idea where to go. Just a hope, and a love for music. But if only he could see where he was now, writing his journey into music, being played by a professional orchestra.

And it ended where it began.

Pureness and hope and childlike wonderment in a reprise of the beginning notes.

Because where would he be without his curious and wide eyes first verging into the world of music.

The violins held the final notes.

Akaashi held his breath.

Yasufumi’s arms dropped.

And the audience erupted.

Applause roared throughout, whistles and yelling, exclamations of ‘Bravo!’

Yasufumi smiled to the group, stepping off the platform and gesturing to Akaashi, who stood up shakily and took a bow, a huge smile etched on his face as he looked out into the dim audience.

The Bokuto’s stood up, clapping fervently, a tear escaping Miya’s eyes. Kenma and Kuro and Daichi all mimicked the sentiment.

All there to support him.

All there to hear his soul bared out in a triumphant testament to his career and character.

All except the one that mattered most.

——————

The floor of the hallway creaked from the weight shifting side to side. He had walked away and returned five times, unsure and so afraid.

Burning itched his throat as he took a shaky breath, raising his hand. He could just use his key, but there was something in the back of his mind that told him it wasn’t his place right now.

He knocked.

No one answered.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

Sighing, Bokuto closed his eyes, resting his forehead gently on the door. “I know you’re in there, Keiji,” he said through the apartment door. “Please talk to me. I’m-I’m so sorry," he croaked. "I was drinking, and I lost track of time and I-”

The door swung open, Bokuto almost falling forward.

“And you what, Kou?” Akaashi challenged, hand clamping the door. The sight had Bokuto taken back, his body frozen.

He had never, _ever_ seen his boyfriend like this. The usually composed and tender hearted nature of his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. The tightly clenched jaw, eyes black from a burning rage, skin the same flaming red from screaming or crying. Had never seen this raw presence. Not when he was standing up to his father, not after Daishou, not during any of the arguments they’ve had in the previous months. This, this was on a whole new level. 

Akaashi. Was. Furious.

“Hm?” he demanded again. “You what,” he punctuated.

Every single word in the dictionary went out of Bokuto's mind. Nothing he could say could make up for this.

He stood there, throat bobbing, trying to think against the unfiltered _ire_ being pierced into him. “I-I was just still upset because of the game and I-I tried so hard to keep it down and forget about it, I really did, but it just got to be too much and I didn’t want to be like that during your concert so I thought I’d take the edge off with a drink but I ended up going too far and blacked out and-”

“You knew how important this was to me,” Akaashi uttered, voice low, bitterness stinging the words.

“Baby, I kno-”

_“Don’t_ call me that,” he spat.

Bokuto felt his heart break right there. His breath started picking up, chest rising and falling deeply as he put his hands up in platitude. “Keiji, I am so, so sorry.”

Akaashi stared at him, nostrils flaring. “I have never, _ever_ asked for much, Koutarou. I’ve stepped aside _so_ many times. This is the _one_ thing I asked for. The one thing! That you be there, on a night that meant the world to me!”

Bokuto’s ear pinged, the tone and volume of his boyfriend’s voice so unusual to him. “I know. I know. It wasn’t a good excuse to miss it, I’ll do whatever you want," he pleaded, "I’ll make it up to you, I swear. Just, please, _please_ know how regretful I am. I’m so sorry.”

Shaking his head, eyes turning a bit sad himself, “Sorry isn’t going to cut it this time,” Akaashi said, voice cracking. “I need some time, I-...” he took a breath, shutting his eyes. “I don’t think you should come to New York with me.”

“What? Keiji, don't-”

“No.” Akaashi stood his ground, straightening up to look him dead on. “You don’t get to make a case. Not for this. This is what I want.”

Bokuto stood there at a lost, his eyes wide. Every muscle in his body wanted to flail, wanted to punch a wall, but he couldn’t deny that he had fucked up big time. When he came to, and saw the time and the missed phone calls and messages, the drop of his throat into his stomach was a tsunami. He knew this was more than just royally fucking up. And he knew he couldn’t ignore what his boyfriend wanted. His head shook in a small ok.

Akaashi nodded back, not meeting Bokuto’s eyes as he took a small step back and slowly closed the door.

The click of it closing made a fissure in Bokuto's heart.

Fuck.

This was another song I spent months trying to find. So I present to you _another_ Two Steps from Hell song becuase everything by him is just pure gold. Akaashi's first professional song is [Believe](https://youtu.be/hB-Ce8TPxb4). Urge you to listen to it with good headphones on to really feel that bass and just close your eyes and envision an orhcestra playing this on stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont understand how I was all at once so filled with love and hope while writing the performance yet just overcome with so much dread because Bokuto. Wasnt. There. To. Hear. It.
> 
> I fucking hate myself.
> 
> I was also very tempted to end right at the concerts end but was like nahhh we need this confrontation now and not next chapter.


	49. Epic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi’s nerves were through the roof, even as he plastered on a welcoming smile and laughed when it seemed appropriate. He was so concerned about saying something wrong, using the wrong tense. He had been brushing up on his English, but there was still the constant worry that he’d make a fool of himself before he’d even get the chance to work with them musically.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

No one said anything for a moment, both of them waiting for the other to begin.

“You get to the hotel ok?” Bokuto finally asked.

Akaashi pulled back the curtain to the room the New York Phil had put him up in. The hotel was across from the hall where they’d be performing. The room was nice, plush without being obnoxious, and it was thrilling and sad at the same time.

Because he was there by himself.

But he hadn’t changed his decision since closing the door on Bokuto.

There was a piece of him that had died that night.

And he wasn’t sure how to bring it back.

“Yeah,” Akaashi mumbled. “They picked me up from the airport.”

“Good.”

Another pause.

“Jet lagged?”

He shrugged. “A bit. The flight from California was the worst part. But I’ll adjust.” The city below him was already bustling, people rushing down the sidewalk, taxis blaring, vendors setting up and going through customers in their queues. The city that never sleeps was already up bright and early to welcome the traveler. “I have my first rehearsal with them soon.”

“Nice, nice.” Timbres of nervousness coated Bokuto’s voice. A sharp inhale. “Can we-“

“I should go, Kou,” the pianist whispered, “Don’t want to be late.”

“Right. Right yeah, I’ll....talk to you later?”

Akaashi hesitated, staring out the window still. “Bye.”

The call ending was like a chain around his heart.

These past two weeks made him feel like he was suffocating.

Japan had taken Bokuto out of the first China set. He had caused too many lost points, was too in his head. And even _he_ didn’t argue as the substitution came in for him. They narrowly lost the set because of the hole he put them in. But the team pulled it together to dig them out and won the first set.

Once the ace had some time to relax, slapped his face a few times, Coach put him back in halfway through the third set. They had taken the second, but had slowed down and ran into a stall midway through the third, so Coach felt comfortable enough to give him another shot to get them back into the game. He played a complete one-eighty to how he began, the team took the final needed set in a landslide by the end of it.

With the win, Japan was slated for Seed B in the Olympics. The orchestration of the brackets done. The cards laid down. And the team was able to breathe. Even though the hardest part has yet to come and they still had to take on the Olympics next summer.

All's well that ends well on that front.

Akaashi had gone to the game, but didn’t stay after to celebrate.

He left two days after to go to New York, without his boyfriend by his side.

—————

  
The stage was huge, more than double the one back home. His eyes bulged while he stared up at it from the audience level.

“Keiji!” a familiar voice called. Tom came through the door across the way from him, another gentleman walking next to him. The wide grin and brisk pace Tom was setting to meet up with him had Akaashi relaxing just a smidge.

The creative director shook Akaashi's hand vigorously. “So _so_ excited to finally have you here,” he said enthusiastically. “Everyone’s very excited to meet you. This right here is Graham Johnson," he gestured to the man by his side. "He’s the conductor of our little group here.”

“Mr. Johnson, pleasure,” Akaashi greeted through a smile, teeth chattering and nervousness apparent, as he shook the other's hand.

Graham flashed his own grin, friendly even as his eyes scanned over the young composer. “Nice to finally put a face to the name.” The way he seemed to be calculating Akaashi’s musical abilities just on sight alone was eerily similar to how Yasufumi analyzed him during his first NSO audition. A veteran conductor’s eye.

Patting him securely on the back, Tom started leading Akaashi up the stage steps. He introduced him to person after person. “And here’s your vocal soloist. Your first chair violin. Oh, I'm sure you'll want to meet our pianist. Did you see our auxiliary section? We can bring in whatever else you need if you decide to add anything. Here’s what we’re looking at for final rehearsal checks before the concert-"

Akaashi shook hands, tried to remember everyone’s name and their instrument. So much was happening, there was so much to take in. He was suddenly very thankful he's had so much practice functioning off limited sleep.

More and more musicians flowed onto the stage to set up for rehearsal, the group already much larger than the NSO.

Akaashi’s nerves were through the roof, even as he plastered on a welcoming smile and laughed when it seemed appropriate. He was so concerned about saying something wrong, using the wrong tense. He had been brushing up on his English, but there was still the constant worry that he’d make a fool of himself before he’d even get the chance to work with them musically.

But no one seemed to mind when he couldn’t remember a word, or asked them to slow down.

Everyone was so nice.

And when it came for the rehearsal to start, all the members seated and staring up at him, giving them his full attention, the conductor looking at him expectantly to start sharing insight into the piece, it was in that moment that Akaashi cleared everything out of his head, let all the nerves go out the window.

And decided to enjoy this.

He smiled at them. “Alright, let’s see what you’ve got for me.”

—————

Tom was great. Took Akaashi out to dinner after rehearsal, showed him a bit of the city. He wouldn’t lie and admitted that it was bit overwhelming, all the flashing lights and unknown streets. He couldn't really focus on anything the man was saying, there was so much to take in. New York was a bit like Tokyo in that sense though, every street its own story, every turn a new finding. It made him feel a bit more at home, if anything.

"So you've really never left Japan?" Tom asked, flipping through the menu of the restaurant he brought them to.

Akaashi shook his head, eyes skimming over his own. "I never really had the chance to. I started working with the NSO right after college."

The American let out a low whistle. "That's impressive,” he said, setting his menu aside. He leaned his elbows on the table in its place. "You must've really known your stuff even back then to be brought on so quickly."

An awkward grin flashed on Akaashi's face. "I like to think I was pretty good, hopefully even better now."

"If you play as well as you compose, I'm sure you're not giving yourself enough credit," Tom chuckled. "You're in America now, you won't find a shortage of people blowing smoke up their own ass. So please, feel free to compliment yourself."

Akaashi laughed, giving a short nod. "Noted." He looked out the window to his left, the sun set and the dazzling lights that the city was known for on full display. He sighed. "I won't deny that your city is pretty beautiful, though. It seems like there's not one dull corner."

Humming in agreement, "I've been here for twenty years now and I still haven't found myself getting bored with it," Tom concurred, shifting back to the pianist after watching where he was looking out the window. "There's a lot of world to see outside of Tokyo, Keiji."

The waiter came over and asked for their orders.

He clapped his hands together. "Ah, and the best part about this, is that all of this is getting charged to the Phil, so I'm going to order every classic American dish for you to get the full experience," he beamed.

\-----------

The first night was the hardest. Even after the amazing food he ate and his belly filled in content, once Tom dropped him off back at the hotel, it really hit him that he was on his own.

Walking into the empty hotel room, all the lights off and the only sound coming from the city life below, Akaashi's heart throbbed at how he should've been greeted to his puppy-like boyfriend. Should've been cuddling with him right now on the bed as he recounted how amazing rehearsal was and how much fun he had.

But the room was devoid of any commotion, all the excitement of the day worn off at the sudden realization.

The bed felt wrong. He tossed and turned, and flipped the sheets off and flipped them on, and got up from the bed and sat back on the bed, and he just could not get to sleep.

He always hated going to sleep in new places by himself.

He startled when his phone rang, the sudden glow hurting his eyes in the dark.

The name on the screen had him answering it hesitantly.

Crashes of weights dropping came through the phone. “I didn’t think you’d be able to get to sleep.”

Akaashi bit his lip, chest tightening at the familiar voice. He held back a choked noise, shaking his head before remembering Bokuto couldn’t see him. “No,” he uttered.

On the other side of the world, Bokuto leaned against the wall to the gym, his teammates continuing their workouts behind him.

Bokuto’s whole universe felt like it was teetering on a ledge. His hair was permanently stuck out in different directions from pulling at it so much, no amount of gel could hide it. Their water bill would be through the roof this month from him showering for so long, trying to wipe away his wrong doings. How he could hurt someone so precious to him, haunts him at night.

Just the thought of alcohol made him want to puke.

There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to clear the air, wanted to talk about how sorry he was again, and _beg_ and _plead,_ he’d do _anything._ But that was a conversation that needed to happen face to face when his boyfriend was back. And one of the few conversations they did have before the pianist left, was that they'd talk about everything that had happened upon his return.

So he held his tongue. And bit his lip hard. And instead, weakly asked into the phone, “Want me to leave the call connected so you can listen to the background noise?”

Akaashi stared at the floor, the hotel carpet dark, and swimming with shapes. “Ok,” he murmured. He hated how small and childlike he sounded.

Nodding, and stopping himself from saying bye, Bokuto left his phone still connected to the call, and put it in one of the cubicles on the wall.

Akaashi placed his own phone on the nightstand next to him, moving his head back down to the pillows.

And he drifted off to sleep, finally, to the soundtrack of weights.

\----————

It was unexpected how he'd love the people of the New York group so much.

When Akaashi envisioned coming here, he imagined just getting the work done, go through grueling practice, and that would be that.

But they were rambunctious and lively, yet courteous and professional. He had been hired to create a piece for them, yet they were the ones giving him so much. They were creative, playing lines from their own works while on break, and improvising with the people next to them. It was a constant record of creation.

Their love of music won over any tiredness they felt from practice, something Akaashi was all too willing to succumb to during his own rehearsals back home.

The second night was a lot easier for him to get to sleep, practically passing out as soon as his head had hit the pillow he was so exhausted. The third went just as quick, and the morning of the concert on the fourth day felt like the precipice of his wildest dreams.

He got a coffee by himself at a shop down the street from the hotel, finally comfortable enough to go on his own to at least around the corner.

Sitting there with a mug in his hand, looking out the window as people hustled by, he realized that this could actually _be_ Tokyo if he didn’t know where he was. The energy of cities was the same no matter where you went. It settled his soul, that vibrant electricity. And the familiarity made him feel a bit more confident in himself.

He made a piece for a foreign orchestra. He traveled this far by himself. He was proud of himself.

And he wasn’t going to let any rain clouds in.

He took his time getting ready after the group had a small sync in the afternoon. Took a long shower to get any residual nerves out, made sure his tux was ironed out, pulled and redid his bow tie until it was perfect, and for the first time in a long time, held no hesitation as he walked out of the hotel and headed over to the hall.

Standing by the fountain outside, he stared up at the building all lit up, the roof to ground windows glowing from the crystal chandelier hanging inside, the arches to the walls making the building look like it went on forever. This was the big leagues. People from all over the world came to see this orchestra play.

And they'd hear his piece tonight.

He let himself imagine that they were all here just for him, as he joined the crowds entering the building.

No matter how many times he’s seen the stage now, it will continue to take his breath away. From the three tier audience seats, to the height that the rafters went up to back stage, it still amazed him that _his_ work would be played here, on _this_ stage. He had taken pictures during some breaks and sent them to those who’d appreciate it on his same level: Suga screamed that he was jealous, Maria wanted a POV pic from the stage looking at the audience, and Chiaki just said how happy she was for him.

Tom made sure to meet him in the lobby before the concert so that he wouldn’t be alone. The man seemed to know everyone, constantly getting up from his seat next to Akaashi to say hello to a benefactor, or introduce him to colleague at a fellow symphony house. How he remembered everyone's names was beyond him.

Akaashi was too caught up in staring at his name listed in the program as the composer to really take note of who he was meeting.

A silence fell over the audience as the lights dimmed. The bystanders all scurried to their seats, getting out their last minute coughs and laughs before the orchestra started walking on stage.

There weren’t many times that Akaashi got to play the audience member, he actually _couldn’t_ remember the last time he was an observer for a concert like this. So this was how people saw him? Watched him walking across the stage and didn't see the nervous energy he thought radiated off him at all time? It was so fascinating knowing that element to performances, what's really going through the musicians' heads.

And it was nice to get to just sit back and listen for once. To be able to just bask in the beauty of the music without needing to focus on playing in time, or not missing cues. It reminded him of why he wanted to do this to begin with.

He was shaking his leg by the time his piece came up in the line up, Tom had to hit him with his program to get him to stop.

He had already heard it multiple times before now obviously with rehearsal, but it was just so different sitting down in the audience, the rest of the hall packed.

In their early discussions about what they wanted for this piece, Tom had said they were looking for something bold, something climatic. Their program for the evening was curated to hit on the classics, but they wanted to end on something completely different, a story that would keep the audience on the edge of their seats from the intensity.

So that's what Akaashi did with their plethora of drums and bass.

When Graham started the minute sway of his hands, the percussionists rolled felted mallets in steel drums, the eerie resonance seeming to come from nowhere. They placed a cover over the timpani that caused it to sound like bursts of thunder. He had the violin section alter how they held the bow just a hair, emanating a shrill that coiled and set the hair on the back of his neck up. 

Pulses. That's the word Akaashi used to describe the slides to the trombone section, describe the blare of the tubas setting the anticipation. He wasn't sure where he pulled it from, just relayed this constant pounding that he used for inspiration to carry the piece.

Pulses that stayed overpowering even as the violins and winds finally came in and the piece took off.

  
  
The lower ranges dominated the piece, suppressed the smaller more delicate sounds as all the notes reverberated from the height of the rafters.

But even when the horns melted away, gave the softer instruments a chance to speak, the strum of the harps was anguished. The strings were forlorn and laden, not moving and nostalgic like Akaashi usually uses them. He composed the cellos to be a shadow reminder of the heaviness that was creeping upon them, the lurking of the drums and brass that they couldn't escape.

It was haunting.

And dark.

The build made his skin crawl as they slowly found themselves sucked into the power of that repeating pulse.

Tom was right, Akaashi should give himself more credit. This was unlike anything he had ever made before, let alone play with the NSO. It was hard to believe this type of piece even came from him.

And there was no way any other group would've been able to pull it off - the Phil was definitively ‘theatrical,’ as Tom put it from the start. They had back lights throbbing with the tubas, streaks of lightning flashing that egged on the suspense of the beat. Every crash of the timpani, every blare of horns, vibrated Akaashi to his bones.

The shrills of the violins juxtaposed the burden of the weighted drums. A steady and increasing mass of sound that would fall apart, just to come back together again.

They wanted a story, and Akaashi gave them an epic.

But it didn't hit him until it all fell apart again, gave way to the eerie singing of the strings, as to why his heart was pounding so much. He hadn't gotten the chance to realize it during the hectic running of the past few months, or the rush of rehearsals since getting here, couldn't feel it under the bass.

Hadn't realized that the pulse of this piece, was his agonizing soul.

This was the wail of a bleeding heart that was doing everything it could to stay alive. Through every shrill, through every bang, it pumped.

He wrote this in the heyday of him and Bokuto walking on eggshells during the months of fighting. But this wasn't a love song. This was a battle cry.

And every time he thought he had a moment to breathe, something just came around the corner to suffocate him again.

That's what this was. It was a slow and tantalizing asphyxiation through every deafening blare.

The ticking of a clock that was running out of batteries.

The strings played rapidly, the blood pumping erratically from irregular breathing. The fight to keep going, the panic, the will to keep getting up after every knockdown.

Until it was cut off at the legs.

And all that was left was the residual aftermath.

The swish of Graham’s hands brought the end to the screeching noises still gasping.

The audience whistled and clapped.

Tom was hollering, jostling the composer in excitement.

Something fell onto Akaashi's hand.

Oh.

He was crying.

He didn’t even realize the tears had formed.

Did that....just happen?

How was this even possible?

For a second, he had forgotten that he had wrote the piece.

Or maybe he hadn’t forgotten for a single moment, and that was really why he was crying.

Because he realized where this inspiration actually came from.

He didn't know if he was in bliss or in mourning, everything was just a pot of broken glass.

This amazing, professional orchestra just played his piece. In America. He’s gone global.

And he had written his despair into sheet music without even realizing it.

People got up and exited the theater.

“Keiji, come here!” Tom called, waving him over to a group standing by the stage.

As inconspicuously as possible, he wiped his face off and shuffled out of the aisle.

Tom clasped a hand onto his shoulder. “This right here is the genius composer. I told you folks he was talented. And I hear he’d be just as good a conductor,” he lifted an eyebrow, smirking.

Akaashi gaped at him. “How did you-“

One of the members in the group cut him off, a women with pin straight hair, the mousy brown strands cut straight at jaw length. “That was quite the piece. How long have you been composing?”

It took a second for Akaashi to find his words, and the right ones in English, after trying to ignore what Tom had said. He cleared his throat. “I didn’t start composing until college. But I’ve been playing music since middle school.”

“Was that your composition debut?” A second woman asked, pulling a cream blazer on over her black pencil dress.

“No, ma’am," he answered. "I actually just had a piece in a performance with my orchestra back in Japan, and I’ve had a few pieces performed by another amateur group over there.”

Tom was looking back and forth between the two woman and the third man silently listening.

“Have you ever conducted?” the original woman asked.

Akaashi bobbed his head side to side. “I studied under a great conductor that taught me everything he knew, but I’ve yet to conduct a group myself," he said, a melancholic ping to his chest.

“But you’ve had training? And partial experience if anything?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

They looked at each other, a silent conversation happening before the lady turned to Akaashi after a small inclination from the two colleague’s heads.

“How would you like to take up the conductor’s assistant position here?” she asked.

Akaashi stared at her. He shook his head quickly, racking his brain to get it to stop daydreaming. “Sorry, I think I just misunderstood your sentence.”

The corners of her lips pulled up tight. “No, I think you heard me exactly right," she confirmed. "We just had our assistant move on to conduct his own orchestra. We’ve been holding interviews, but Mr. Johnson wouldn’t have the time to start from the beginning with an assistant, would need someone with at least a few foundational years under their belt for him to lean on. Most of our applicants are right out of college and don't fit the bill. From what we hear, we think you’d be perfect.”

He was dead.

There was no other explanation for this.

This...was actually happening. Akaashi swore he had imagined those words coming out of her lips. Swore he made them up.

“I-I-"

She gave a light chuckle. “It’s a big decision. I understand. Especially for someone coming from a different country. I’ll send Tom a preliminary contract, you can take some time to think about it and discuss it more with him.” She held her hand out, her blue eyes twinkling from the still lit stage lights. “Fantastic meeting you, Keiji. I’m sure we’ll see great things from you.”

“T-thank you.” He robotically shook her hand before turning to the other two as well. He watched them walk away, his mouth still gaping. Tom hunched over, clapping his hands as he started laughing next to him.

“Didn't expect that one, did ya!”

The only thing Akaashi could do, was shake his head in confusion. His heart was pounding. He couldn’t feel his hands. Where was he? Did they have him confused with someone else? “I don’t...I don’t understand. I never told you anything about my conducting experience.”

Tom put a hand in his suit pocket. “I got a call from a Yasufumi? Told me that you weren’t just a composer, you had the skill to become a fantastic conductor." He slapped Akaashi’s shoulder with his free hand. “You should've told me! You never know what connections someone has. Now look what came to you! An offer, right from chairwoman of the board!”

He didn’t know what surprised him more. That he just got a dream offer, or that it happened because of Yasufumi.

“So what do you say?” Tom looked at him eagerly.

He was still trying to process his epiphany about his piece, let alone process receiving an offer like this. But as more and more people left the hall and it got a bit quieter, he was starting to be able to hear himself think, could hear his inner monologue. And there was a lot running through it.

“My whole life is in Japan,” he murmured.

Tom nodded. “I get that. But..." he pursed his lips, squinting at him. "Do you want to stay there forever? You said yourself this is your first time out of the country. Think about everything you could learn.”

Pieces of time flashed through his mind. His mom, who he was just now rebuilding a relationship with. His job, both a comfort and a detriment to his career. All his friends, ones that supported him when he had nothing. His boyfriend, where everything was hanging on by a thread. So much confusion. So much uncertainty.

Akaashi's throat constricted. “I guess I just always thought that I’d branch out over there. Not a different country." He licked his lips, sucking in deep to stop his chest from panicking. "I’d be giving up everything, my friends and family, my apartment, my relationship would be strained...” He didn’t want to say that his current situation was already strained, he couldn't even imagine how this would affect it.

“Well, I can’t really help with the relationship bit, but how much is your apartment rent?” Akaashi told him the number. Tom almost scoffed. “I’ll add it into the contract, we’ll increase your salary amount to include that much so it cancels out. You’d be able to keep it if you wanted to so that you could go back. Anything else?”

Akaashi stared at him. “Wh-why would you do that?”

Tom gave him an incredulous look. “Keiji, I don’t think you realize the extent of your own capabilities. We had hundreds of applicants and you're the only one that put even a hint of a smile on Amanda’s face. Your piece?” he pointed to the stage. “Fantastic. If you compose like that, then you can conduct like that. When you’re a valuable commodity, people will go out of their way to get you. Is that not how you were treated back with your orchestra in Japan?”

No. No he wasn't. But he wasn’t going to say that.

Looking off to the side, “I...I’d need to think about it," Akaashi decided. "Talk it over with the rest of the people in my life. Is that ok?”

“Totally fine," Tom assured. "It will take some time to get all the other details worked out and get the contract drafted anyway. But, we’d most likely want to get you back here and settled in by the start of the fall season, so we'd probably need a decision by the end of the month though.”

Akaashi drew in as much air as he could into his lungs. He stared at that glorious stage that's held him in awe since coming here.

“By the end of the month then.”

Akaashi's climatic and bold and out of the box piece he created for the New York group is along the lines of [Desolation](https://youtu.be/NlMOFHCYR9Q). I wanted something way different than his other pieces and I think this fits the bill for the most part, it’s not exactly what I was looking for but I think it’s enough for you all to get the gist! Especially when you think about where he found the inspiration......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys but it's been a busy time for me! 
> 
> Sooooo New York, eh? Hopefully you guys liked this chapter, it's a bit different without all the BokuAka interactions but these are important moments for Akaashi!
> 
> There will be a little special something posted on my twitter account tomorrow, it will get linked whenever I post the next chapter, but keep an eye out if you want an early look! (nothing too exciting but still something i've worked on for y'all!)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on Twitter! We can geek about anything and you’ll get random thoughts that go through my head while writing @Forgot_Star


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